Ep. 11 Do the Work in Your Personal Life: Navigating Cognitive Dissonance

Ever felt like you're living several lives at once and just can't seem to find stability? Well, you're not alone! On this insightful journey, we're tackling cognitive dissonance, a beast that can wreak havoc on our mental health if left unchecked. We're unmasking the truth about the strain of portraying different personas to different people and how that can lead to confusion and mental breakdowns. More than that, we're arming you with a toolkit to combat triggers and navigate tough times.

But we're not stopping there! As we shift gears into exploring personal growth, we underline the importance of self-development and the role of a solid support system. Growth is a journey, and it's one we shouldn't walk alone! We're here to show you why investing in yourself is not just beneficial but essential for your mental well-being, and how the right companions on this journey can be game-changers. Whether you're looking for spiritual guidance or practical tools, we're offering insightful advice on overcoming personal challenges and owning your growth process. Get ready for a transformative journey towards a more stable, fulfilled you!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

And so the first point in my message was doing the work in your own life, and the thing that the main point that I touched on was was cognitive dissonance.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Cognitive dissonance and with cognitive dissonance, uh, you think one thing and believe it and hold other people accountable to it, but you don't do it yourself, like I know. This is true, I believe it for them, but I won't live it out in my own life. That's cognitive dissonance, and the Bible is called hypocrisy and double-mindedness. Like we will call that a hypocrite or we will call that a double-minded person, uh, but in in the word of uh, I won't say the word of God, but in the health space is called um, cognitive dissonance. And so, um, when I, when I was going through that, that, when I was talking about that in my message, it, um, I was specifically sharing um James one, six, two, eight, that says but let him acts in faith with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind, for let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. Verse eight says he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. And so, like what I was sharing is when you have prolonged cognitive dissonance in your life, you are actually creating brain damage in your mind, like your mind was not created to manage multiple mature lives. It was not set up that way. And so, um, people have five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 mature selves, are trying to have mature selves that they can't maintain because your, your mind, is in conflict with itself, because you one way with this people, another way with these people, another way with these people and another way with these people. And so when you're trying to be that mature, you in this setting, or in that setting, or in this setting, but you got to keep shifting and shifting and and being in different people, it creates damage in your mind and those, the lines and those you're trying to compartmentalize, and sometimes those lines get crossed and people like what are you talking about? You never told me that. And you will say, oh, remember this. And they're like no man, we don't do that. Like what are you? And so you start getting rose, confused, you start like blending in details and facts about stuff and you and you actually are mentally crazy, like to the point where you like you're not making any sense, like you can cause yourself a mental breakdown and a mental meltdown because of the multiple lives that you're trying to try to lead, and that's called cognitive dissonance. And so when things get too vulnerable another thing that I talked about is you're not long term in anything, because when you deal with that cognitive dissonance, when you deal with that multiple phases or personalities or alter egos, whenever something gets hard, gets tough, you run and you try to reinvent yourself.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Oh, this church, I'm not like this church, it's too much. I'm going to go to another church. I'm going to try to reinvent myself at this other church and be a different type of person, because the person I was being at this church didn't work, or I'm going to go to this job and the person I was being at this job was treated like this. So I'm going to learn from this job. I'm not going to be that way and I'm going to set up some boundaries and laws or whatever to protect self. So I'm going to be even more of a jerk at this job. And then you wonder why you're getting treated like you're getting treated, why you keep getting fired, why you keep not being able to stay long term, why you have no stick to a thickness.

Speaker 1: 4:59

I probably made that a word up, but it's because of the cognitive dissonance in your life. You're double-minded, there's spiritual schizophrenia going on because you have mental breaks that happen and you're going crazy in your mind, and so that happens more than we would like to think it does with a lot of people. We call it different things, we call it mood swings, we call it bipolar, we call it schizophrenia, we call it a lot of stuff when it's undiagnosed, but the most common thing we call it when it's undiagnosed is just crazy. This person is crazy. This person is crazy. You've got an ex or you've got a current girl or boyfriend or whatever, and they are crazy. It's because this is not the person that I met or know or knew or whatever. And so I wanted to start off my message with my story that would lead into the doing the work in your personal life.

Speaker 1: 6:12

And doing the work in your personal life takes time. It takes time and it only takes time, but it takes certain skills. You have to acquire certain skills and things to deal with the triggers, the triggers that come up. A major part of dealing with, a major part of doing the work in your personal life is dealing with the triggers in a healthy way that allows you to acknowledge the trigger for what it is and to deal with it in a healthy way so that when you see it again, it's an automatic response that's gonna keep you on track and not deter you and cause you to fall into some habits that you've not been in in a while. You're no longer identified by these habits and so when those triggers come up, when that because I'm telling you anything can trigger you a smell can trigger you, a show can trigger a sound, a song, a restaurant, a neighborhood you can man. I done been places, I done seen a car and been like yo. I remember who I was with in that same exact type of car and what happened, and Lord wash my mind.

Speaker 1: 7:34

But you have to build a toolkit, a tool set of skills that help you navigate those tough seasons that you have. October was a tough season for me for a number of reasons. My mom and dad passed. They're both for their birthdays and anniversaries in October, and so I'm thinking about them. I'm feeling certain ways about losing them and seeing how much my children are missing out on without having grandparents on both sides, like both sides of my kids' grandparents are gone, so they have no natural grandparents, so there's no body that we can just be like hey, can you watch our kids, hey, can we drop them off to you without planning weeks and weeks ahead of time. And so I still get in my feelings sometimes in that season when their birthdays come around, when they're anniversary or when stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 8:36

But I have things in place that helps me stay accountable people that I'm talking to, praying with and community with. That keeps me grounded. My wife she knows those cycles, those seasons, and she's attentive in those times and vice versa, I am with her same way. You know what I mean. You gotta be, and so doing the work in your personal life is important. And if you would like help in doing the work in your personal life and you want someone to help you through that, first of all, my number one recommendation is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you into that truth and that transformation that you're looking for. Number two man, I love to walk alongside people and see the amazing growth that happens in their lives because they took the time, effort and dedication to do the work in their life. I'm not here to do it for you, but I would love to come alongside you and help you as a coach and as a counselor, and so if that's something you're interested in, let me know. We can put something in the books and get something set up. If not, look man, the Holy Spirit won't steal your own, he won't steal your own. But you gotta know and get familiar with how he talks, how he communicates and when he's communicating, because you can think you're hearing the Holy Spirit and you could be being deceived by another spirit and we won't even get to that.

Speaker 1: 10:14

But I say that to say, look man, you gotta deal with the things in your own life. There's oppression and suppression from demonic spirits that happen. That needs to be dealt with. There's things that's in your history or in your bloodline, in your generations, that need to be dealt with. And then there's things that's done to you that you had no control over. That you need healing from so that you can live a more productive, successful life. And then there's things that you've cost yourself. You've just made poor decisions.

Speaker 1: 10:50

The first half of my testimony was just things done to me that had nothing to do with me. But that second half, bro, that was all me. That was all me yes, that was all me. And so there's both. There's both, and by God's grace, I've been able to navigate and walk through both aspects of that successfully thus far, and I want to help as many men do that as I possibly can like for real. For real, I pray. I got people that I pray with every day in the morning and we keep each other accountable. I got people that I'm constantly communicating with on a regular basis, maybe once or twice a month, just building relationship and creating a safe space for us to just share what we're going through. And so look, man, if you just need a safe space to just get some stuff off your chest, I would love to be there for you, and if you need some help to really navigate through some things that you're going through in life, I want to be there for you too.

Speaker 1: 11:57

Man, there was a. I had a soldier I tell the story and I wrap up this episode but I had a soldier who got divorced. I knew him after his divorce. I didn't know him, why he was married to his wife and then he got a girlfriend and then things was just not going good for it. The girl was crazy and she had kids, and he had kids and he called me before he broke up with her. He said, sir, I'm about to break up with my girl and I'm like, all right, the way you been talking, man, all right, and, mind you, this guy is probably old enough to be my father, but he respects me, as he knows me, he's worked with me, he know what I'm about, he know he's seen how I counsel other soldiers and he's like, dude, you, that, you the truth. And I'm like, okay, like if that's where you think this should go, then go ahead. And he's like I'm gonna do it. And then he calls me back and then he says look, man, my kids said I need counseling and I couldn't the game one. But you, I need to navigate my previous marriage, I need to navigate stuff that I haven't dealt with from years ago and I need to navigate that. And once I've navigated that, then I need to navigate the stuff that I was dealing with in this current relationship, before I even get even think about getting into another relationship. I need to navigate some things and I want you to help me navigate those things. I'm like all right.

Speaker 1: 13:41

And so I've been blessed. I've been blessed to have people from all walks of life in my life and I've been blessed to have people from all walks of life, all ages, all colors and creeds, who trust me enough to walk alongside them and to ask the right questions and to lead them to what I would believe to be and what they would agree to be the right solutions. And a lot of the times I'm just praying. I'm just praying especially. If they're not okay with me praying with them, then I will pray for them even more. But I've seen God do some amazing things and people who are not saved, who just need victory in some areas, but ultimately they need Christ, in my opinion. But I don't wanna be like no, I can't help you because you don't know Jesus. Like, no, come on, man, we're gonna navigate this man. Let's see what we can do, as much as we can do, until you see that you need Jesus. But I've seen some amazing things in some people lives who are not quote unquote Christians. But I've also seen even more amazing things in lives of believers who are also navigating situations and things.

Speaker 1: 15:06

I had a guy from Texas called me who I knew from college and he was married and going through some stuff with his wife and children. And he was just like man, I just need someone who I can trust, who I can just talk through this with. He said I don't think I need like formal counseling or coaching or whatever he was like, but I need to talk it through. And we talked for like two hours and by the end of the conversation he was like yo, I know what I need to do. And just by talking it out the answer kind of arose and everything kind of settled down and he saw okay, this is the main thing and this is the root thing. If I fix this, all this other stuff that's going on will be none essential. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 16:09

And so I say that to say like, don't be afraid to do the work in your own life. Find someone who you can be real and vulnerable and transparent with, whether you know them or you don't know them. Find someone who you can trust or at least build relationship to the level of trusting, and not only just trust, but who have the skill set to really pour into you the resources and the tools that you need and to develop in you the tools and the resources that you need. And so it doesn't have to be me, but I would encourage you, find someone and do the work in your own personal life. All right, that's it for this episode, man. Until next time, peace.