The Alimond Show
Dr. Suzanne Nixon - Licensed Professional Counselor
When the curtains of my traditional therapy career drew to a close, Dr. Suzanne Nixon felt the exhilaration of a new beginning. This episode is a passport to the uncharted territories she is navigating, like the personalized support of executive therapy and the emotional lifeline extended through on-the-spot wedding therapy. Dr. Nixon has traded the confines of her office for the dynamic realms where CEOs and brides alike can seize control of their mental landscapes. Plus, she is diving headlong into the professional speaking circuit, eager to share nearly three decades of therapeutic wisdom with audiences eager for transformation.
This conversation isn't just about new professional pathways—it's a masterclass in blending the vibrant threads of passion with the sturdy weave of business savvy. As the year's end prompts reflection and the incubation of our deepest aspirations, we unwrap the potent synergy of artistry and entrepreneurial acumen. With the insights from our guests, we unravel the challenges artists confront in the marketplace, affirming that a sprinkle of business strategy can transform creative sparks into enduring flames that warm entire communities.
The heart of this episode beats to the rhythm of self-confidence and the art of listening with intent. Reminiscing about Suzanne's upbringing and the pivotal moments that forged her path as a therapist, she charts the journey from a compassionate peer to a professional anchored in empathy. Our discussion wades through the depths of understanding trauma, emotional deregulation, and the vital role empathy and compassion play in personal and societal evolution. As we circle back to the natural world, we advocate for a return to the wisdom of our environment and Indigenous cultures, urging a reawakening to the balance and harmony that can redefine our lives.
When the curtains of my traditional therapy career drew to a close, Dr. Suzanne Nixon felt the exhilaration of a new beginning. This episode is a passport to the uncharted territories she is navigating, like the personalized support of executive therapy and the emotional lifeline extended through on-the-spot wedding therapy. Dr. Nixon has traded the confines of her office for the dynamic realms where CEOs and brides alike can seize control of their mental landscapes. Plus, she is diving headlong into the professional speaking circuit, eager to share nearly three decades of therapeutic wisdom with audiences eager for transformation.
This conversation isn't just about new professional pathways—it's a masterclass in blending the vibrant threads of passion with the sturdy weave of business savvy. As the year's end prompts reflection and the incubation of our deepest aspirations, we unwrap the potent synergy of artistry and entrepreneurial acumen. With the insights from our guests, we unravel the challenges artists confront in the marketplace, affirming that a sprinkle of business strategy can transform creative sparks into enduring flames that warm entire communities.
The heart of this episode beats to the rhythm of self-confidence and the art of listening with intent. Reminiscing about Suzanne's upbringing and the pivotal moments that forged her path as a therapist, she charts the journey from a compassionate peer to a professional anchored in empathy. Our discussion wades through the depths of understanding trauma, emotional deregulation, and the vital role empathy and compassion play in personal and societal evolution. As we circle back to the natural world, we advocate for a return to the wisdom of our environment and Indigenous cultures, urging a reawakening to the balance and harmony that can redefine our lives.
What's happened between then and now?
Speaker 2:Oh my, I feel like I have been on a transformational journey myself. You know, I'm at an age right now where I'm really assessing the next leg of the journey and since Loudoun 100, which was an awesome event, and I feel very grateful for that just looking at what's my purpose, right? Now what's my meaning, what's my direction? How to serve the community best that makes a contribution and also just feeds my soul as well. So that's what I'm exploring right now.
Speaker 1:I was going to say what are our conclusions? Have we drawn any yet?
Speaker 2:Yes, we have. I believe that I will be retiring from being a therapist in the traditional way in about two more years. Okay, Because I've had a robust practice for gosh almost 30 years and I'm looking at crafting two unique avenues for doing therapy. One would be executive therapy, of working with people that are CEOs, high level managers and directors and offering therapy for them, which would be a combination of therapy and coaching so that they really could have a full mind, body, spirit, support for their life. Business leaders go through something very different and I think that in executive therapy, if you are a business owner, like myself for all these years, I have something to contribute in so far as my understanding of their process and what they go through and what they experience, because family life isn't easy when you're a business owner. So that's one thing, and the other, really creative, like out-of-the-box idea and I shared this with some of the women I was at a table with a couple of weeks ago is doing on the spot wedding therapy for brides and grooms.
Speaker 1:We say that again.
Speaker 2:Go back, rewind for me On the spot. Okay, wedding therapy for brides, the bridal party, grooms, maybe even the in-laws and mothers, because I think there's a need for a therapist to be present at times when a bride is getting ready to get married and they may have the jitters, they may have some anxiety about whatever it could be, anxiety just about getting married, but anxiety about performing quote unquote, because they have the stars. So I think about offering bridal therapy.
Speaker 1:I think that is such a unique and fun and needed. How did you come? First of all, what's the story behind it?
Speaker 2:I knew you were going to ask that the story about. It was just witnessing the process in my own therapy business, working with clients about the jitters that people get about making these really big, major decisions in their life and how to navigate that. So I may give skill sets and tools for when you show up. This is how, perhaps, to approach the wedding. And then I thought there's crisis that happened Like. I have a few clients that were really nervous, like the husband's coming with the new wife and the mother's there. So how does the mother integrate into this platform when the new wife is there and how do the kids integrate that? So, just looking at a broader perspective, all the family dynamics that go on, and then the jitters that are natural, sometimes a little bit above the top of how to be present and how to ease the calm. Ease the anxiety to create the calm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, I think that is such a fun and unique offering. That number one I've never heard of before, but it sounds like you'd be working with them though before the day of as well. I was going to say because they would need that relationship and connection and that trust built before. And then you mentioned the tools and resources, and that's very much needed, because even just the planning process of a wedding, yeah, I would agree, it would be like part of the event planner.
Speaker 2:Now you meet with your therapist and tell her a little bit about the dynamics of what's going on and how you're feeling, and then I touch in with them occasionally and then show up at the wedding and, yes, you're right, it would be fun, it would be uplifting and it also would be very joyful. I feel like I'm really giving something back to them so that they could have the most awesome experience of their wedding day.
Speaker 1:You can very easily find these clients just by offering your expertise to the photographers, videographers, event planners, wedding venues. That all have the same. They have to deal with the stress, the anxiety, and they're going to be like okay, listen, you need this woman to be planning right there alongside you through the entire process.
Speaker 2:Right, that's a great idea. Yeah, To really navigate and build those relationships and let them know I'm doing so. That's one whole project. And then the other one is I want to start speaking more. I've always been a professional speaker and I did a lot of that in the 1990s internationally, nationally, and now I want to raise the platform and speak more in the community, but at the business level, going into Forbes, 500 companies or conferences, women's conferences, nationally. So I'm looking at that and I have just been accepted and started class on Tuesday, the Capital Women's Speaking Club.
Speaker 2:Nice, I love that A club that's been around for like 60 years, 70 years. Where do they operate out of? Dc? And Chevy Chase Columbia Country Club, Nice, yeah, and it has been going for a long time. It's worked with a lot of dignitaries, ambassadors, wives. In the old days they did have a couple of meetings at the White House in the basement. So it attracts women that are interested in getting their voice, in claiming their voice and speaking their voice, also writing their voice. It has to have a greater impact on the women's movement or on just women's voices and opinions about different things that are going on in the world. So you have to be nominated or you have to be sponsored.
Speaker 1:Somebody likes you within the Capital? Yeah.
Speaker 2:Somebody has to sponsor you, yeah, and says, yeah, I support Suzanne being a member. So there's 23 of us. It's an eight-week class, it's a full-day class and you know what, alia, when I went in on Tuesday, it's an international class too. So there's 23 of us in the class and I would say a third of them are women that have been born and come here from China, peru, the Netherlands, the UK. So very international, a very high level of intelligence within the community of the club. There's 600 women in the club. So Jean, who's the professor and teacher, she used to be a professor at Georgetown, george Washington University, teaching communications and language and speech, and she presented that day and I thought you know, I've been speaking for 25, 30 years and I learned a lot and the way that I'm going to start speaking and delivering is going to be different from one class.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like I need more of this, so I'm excited.
Speaker 2:So that's what's up. You know, exploring these different venues for how I could shift and change my business, and it feels exciting.
Speaker 1:That is very exciting, especially because I know the first thing you touched on was the women or the leadership CEO. Did you say it's exclusively women or just in general? In general, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Because men need it just as much as they do.
Speaker 1:They don't always say they do right, and what helped lead you or guide you there in terms of specifically working with those entrepreneurs? I know you talked about the need for it, but was there something that happened over your house?
Speaker 2:Because I'm around a lot of leaders.
Speaker 2:Okay, and years ago, in the 1990s, there was a therapist which whose name I can't remember, but she was a woman who specialized in something called codependency, looking at how women relate in relationships, and often we put ourselves second.
Speaker 2:And so there are a lot of business women in particular who can run their business beautifully, but at home, in their own professional, personal life, they tend to be codependent or put themselves last or don't put themselves in so far as the happiness quotient on the same platform or plate as their family members. So she built a group of executive women that were all over the country I mean high level women that are in my field of psychotherapy and they would meet and have therapy groups once a month in person. They would fly to her destination it was either Boston or Chicago Fly to her destination once a month and meet for a full day and just be in a circle of women talking about their issues. It's really what therapy? But the way that you present it is, we need to gather in our tribe and a lot of executive CEO leaders don't want to be talking to people that are next door. You got it, you got it. So that idea always stayed with me.
Speaker 1:Say I love that idea. Is that kind of a direction you want to take this in? Yes, where people are coming in from all around the country, or maybe even world, and really like unpacking we're actually nervous when you say world.
Speaker 2:Am I good enough right Go back into that thing In the world? Can I do it with on the world In the nation? Yeah, I feel really confident when you say world, why?
Speaker 1:not the world. Do you think that your expertise doesn't apply to the person in another country? It does.
Speaker 2:It does. It just gave me a little bit of a flutter, but I have presented internationally, so twice actually I feel really proud of that. In the UK I presented at conferences, so thank you for that. I appreciate that. So that would be an idea. But also with men as well. But the other part of that is working with. I mean, I've worked with high level people in my own little private practice and in landstown. High level CEOs, owners of companies, people that are worth zillions of dollars. I can say that and I see the struggles that they go through and I see that if they had something on the job that discreetly, a therapist like myself could go in there once a week and work with them at that place of business, just like coaches do, that would be really worthwhile for them. So I would I prefer on site because, just like what we're doing right now, I feel you, I sense you. We're building some kind of energetic relationship, connection.
Speaker 1:I threw some butterflies over at you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and good, good, I feel the flutter, the butterfly effect here. So I like to do it and I agree with that, even like the podcast.
Speaker 1:At first, when we rolled it out, I was like, do we do that online? I'm like, no, no, because with the Loudoun 100, I got to sit in front of people, I got to felt that energy transfer and I was like, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it so I can look into their eyes without a screen in front of me. I agree, I think that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so those are my ideas and also a certified meditation teacher. I finished a two-year program, so I want to bring the whole aspect and I already do in my therapy practice but even a whitoscope of how important it is to incorporate mindfulness and a mindful way of living into your life across the board in businesses, in the workplace, in the community and that mindfulness is really a movement that can help make shifts no micro shifts, but in the long-term macro shifts in the way that we function as a society.
Speaker 1:So if you could sum up this next chapter for you, what starts popping into your head?
Speaker 2:The first thing that pops up is letting go of the old, embracing the new, as if on another transformational journey of the new, and going through this program, the Speaker's Club, getting rich ideas as I'm doing the program because we're writing speeches and performing them and then beginning to do a business plan around therapists as business leader or wedding coach or wedding therapist, and then starting to network with platforms to see Speaker platforms, to see where I could begin to get in with speaking at a larger level. That's where I'm looking at and in order to do that, I spend a lot of time with myself to get myself again prepared for that, to get myself centered and aligned. Winter's the time of hibernation and humans, although we don't respect it, flow in the same rhythm as animals and nature. So during this wintertime I'm hibernating more and incubating these ideas and getting them set inside of me so that the rebirth and the spring can really happen.
Speaker 1:I love that I always say at the end of the year, I just like bunker down and I always say, maybe it's because I'm depressed, maybe it's because of the and it's like you're right now it's because my body and my mind is trying to hibernate.
Speaker 2:Well, we're programmed that way. We have circadian rhythms my circadian rhythm is the same as the tree or the raccoon or the bear and that we naturally are programmed that way. But we've gotten our true nature. So when we can tap into it, then we can understand that. Yeah, it's not that you're feeling depressed. When you want to bunker in, you want to be introspective, you want to be introspective.
Speaker 2:You have so many good ideas too, after the end of the year and come out and I'm like yeah, I can't wait to hear some of your new ideas, because I know some new things are happening for you as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just always like and I don't, so I'm the person that I don't like to speak about it until it's in motion. Even like this podcast, like I recorded so many episodes first and then I was like, okay, now I can put it out, and that's because I've learned this about myself I have so many ideas and I feel like sometimes, when I just talk about the idea, I feel like I accomplished something and that I don't take the necessary steps to follow through with the most important work, which is usually the hardest work, which is just like creating the inertia and, like you know, like getting started in it. And so my new policy is until those first few steps are put into motion, then I've proven to myself that I've taken this idea seriously enough to release it into the environment to flourish.
Speaker 2:You know, I really appreciate that and that's a good lesson for me. I like you have all these ideas and I can just like pull them out and then I say, well, which ones are the ones that really resonate with me? And then sometimes I do speak them too fast. So I love what you're saying in that way.
Speaker 1:And sometimes that's good because you get feedback. But sometimes I don't like the feedback and then I'm like oh, you just squashed my idea that I was so excited about, which isn't always a bad thing, because sometimes that idea didn't need to kind of be like set aside. So there's merit to both approaches.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I like hearing that. It's a good lesson for me, and you're somebody that I learned from as well, with some of the ideas that you have and even the way that you just put out your emails or your website. I'm always learning something from you, because I love that you have an art and a craft, but you also have great business knowledge. You're really savvy about that. Oh, thank you. I'm not very good at that I'm actually very passionate about business.
Speaker 1:I believe that business and marketing and like that aspect, that's what allows the passionate people to put that passion and make something of it, versus it kind of staying here, like once you tap into those skills and that knowledge and then even just seeing you know my small business owner friends they have the freedom and the flexibility to pursue the life that they've always dreamed of, versus my friends that are working a job that they're not fulfilled in or they've got.
Speaker 1:They'll be like these amazing artists or these great painters and they're, you know, they've got some hobby that I'm just like if you took that and created a business out of it teaching others, creating content around it, still doing what you love how big it would get. But they'll say something like you know, I just don't want to get into the business marketing, I don't want to squash my hobby and make it something that I have to do. So I've just kind of seen how people that will create their own business whether it's out of a passion or just out of a necessity of something that they've been able to tap into they can really build a life that they want from that. And that freedom to me, like that's what I'm passionate about is allowing people to feel that freedom of like I can take anything and, like you know, pursue a life that I feel proud of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's so valuable. So valuable because people like me I really don't like doing the business part of it, even though I've been a business owner for a long time I like delivering the services, I like the creative ideas. So I mean, if I had some unlimited money if I had 10, $20,000, I would hire a business person to do all the writings, to do the web page, whatever, and then I just move into action.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Right, I like that. That's a perfect partnership. That's where you know that we go together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think a lot of small businesses have a tendency to think that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in terms of, in terms of we don't really want to do all the business part of it, yeah, we'd rather do the delivery services and be with the customer, if you will. Yeah, so I appreciate that you have both those talents and that you help us all. Yeah, you help us deliver or organize first, and how to organize our business and then put it on paper and then make a plan and deliver it. So I value that. Go go. Yeah, I've got to think about maybe how am I going to market with you with that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Well, here we are. We're starting here by just like having conversations, and that's why I really love this podcast as well is because I now get to share with my community and my audience all these amazing people locally that have big ideas, that are taking action on them, and, plus, I get to reconnect with New friends. Yeah, you know old friends that I haven't talked in a while, yeah. So, yeah, I try to. I try to multi. What is that multi?
Speaker 2:my multitask or multi purpose.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm multi purpose. Yes, there we go. Okay, so I love, I love what's happening in the forefront. Can you take us back now? Of course I can take us back to what. What Motivated you to become a therapist? What has that journey looked like?
Speaker 2:Well, I would have to say I Didn't know this and there was some research that was done in Canada, you know, decades ago that found out what is the best predictor of what you're gonna do in your life for work. And when they looked at all the data, they found out whatever your interests were, whatever you'd like to play with or the way that you related as a child between the zero of, between the ages of zero and ten, was the best predictor of what you were gonna end up being. Now when you think about it, people say what, what. But when I look back at my life, when I was probably about seven years old, I was playing teacher already. I mean, in my bedroom, I know. I had a desk and I was setting up the desk with all these fake students. They each had their notebooks and they each had little pencils and I was the teacher giving them lessons and I would practice being a teacher, which was my first profession. The other thing about the therapist part was when I was younger.
Speaker 2:I came from a dysfunctional family, which I think 98 or percent of us have like us all and and so what I would do at a very young age I mean like five and six I would go down into the basement and I would play by myself and I would be alone and I felt very safe being alone and I would imagine and I would create and so I didn't realize it until years later, like adult years later that I was building a self-confidence with inside of myself that I felt kind of self-assured. So then, when I was a teenager, I Became the teenager that would be the listening ear that I would listen to people that were going through difficulties. Or if people were, you know, smoking pot, drinking alcohol, I would be the person you know to be of help, I'd be the helper. Or once we, you know a whole bunch of kids in ninth and 10th grade.
Speaker 2:I grew up in New York. We were at Jones Beach for a summer and one of the guys got really drunk and went out into the ocean swimming and I went and he started to drown and I went out. I was like 15, 14 years old. I went out and I quote-unquote saved him. You know, I just pulled him in why, quote-unquote?
Speaker 1:you pulled him.
Speaker 2:I pulled him back in, but then I got known as this person that if you needed help, you know, go to Suzanne. And actually my nickname was fish. From that point on they called me fish. Really that stuck.
Speaker 1:I'm sure, because you were this little petite girl that like jumped into an ocean and pulled somebody I'm gonna guess was bigger than you, oh yeah he was.
Speaker 2:So I got known this and my name was then fish. And so then when I dated in high school a guy that would actually was an alcoholic at age 15, which was very sad, you know he had some problems and then I found myself Helping him and kind of nourishing him so that he could get into, you know, more of a stable place and stable job. So I naturally was cultivating the skill set. So when I first went to college I was majoring in to be a math teacher and then I did that my first year and then I changed my career and or my major, and I went into special ed as my major, working with kids special ed that time we called it kids that were emotionally disturbed but with mental health issues. So I did that for like, oh, six years and then I realized how much I loved the counseling part of it and so through time I developed and cultivated a real meaningful Passion for listening and for helping and that was what really began my career and becoming a therapist I Love that story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it literally started when you're a little kid in the basement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cuz we're cultivating all these qualities, all these traits about ourself, not just Playing with bar, barbie dolls or playing teacher setup, but in that we're cultivating certain traits and characteristics and what becomes important I say this to parents is how are you nurturing that in your own children? How are you bringing that out if you want your child to be confident? What are you doing in the home environment between those ages? That is, building that confidence. Or looking at how you're building the resiliency of which confidence is a part of that.
Speaker 1:How do you build confidence in children?
Speaker 2:How do you build confidence? And you have to affirm them. You know, affirm the positive. It takes one negative To really splatter us all, and then we have to have ten affirmations in order to kind of delete that one negative.
Speaker 1:This is actually really I have the pause right here. I was just in this conversation upstairs with my team. I was actually finding out who in my team needs the compliment sandwich and who likes just Just give it to me, don't don't try to compliment sandwich me. And as I was talking to one team member, she was like I don't want the compliment sandwich. She does, she definitely needs the compliment sandwich. I just give it to me straight. And then she's like but you need to be positive about it. And I was like okay. So so we're going through some examples and we kind of came to she was still trying to deny that she needed the compliment sandwich and I was like you know what? Here's the thing.
Speaker 1:It's not a bad thing to want a Positive communication style. I just personally don't know, I don't crave it in it. Actually, I've just had the. You know, hey, I love your hair, I've had that done where I'm like okay, what are they getting at? Like? So I've communicated with the team just give it to me straight, don't? You won't hurt my feelings ever, even if you tell me I have something crazy going on. And so I was telling her. I was like no, psychologically I was like I couldn't remember the number. I was like we need to hear 10. If I'm gonna say anything negative, you need to hear something like 10 things positive. I Otherwise that one thing you're going to be focused on it. If I say two positive things and one negative thing and multiply that by 10 times a day, you are going to hate me within a few days Because it's what our brains hold on to. But I couldn't remember the number. I was like it's somewhere between eight and like 12. Well, now you have it. Now you have it.
Speaker 1:Now it's 10.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you're absolutely right. And one thing that you said I'll piggyback on and I like that story, I like the sandwich is there's a positive. Toxicity is a term. Now, yeah, I heard that Sometimes people are putting out all these positive stuff and after all it just drowns all the music out. So building self-confidence is giving the positive. But even if you have to give the negatives and we think of it differently we can say it's negative criticism or it could be ways that you could grow. So if somebody does something and it's not quite right, you say I noticed that you did this. You may want to try to do this instead and see if that has a better outcome for you, if that feels better for you. So there's a way to just tease around it and find the right language. So it comes out as a positive step to go to the next level versus I'm criticizing.
Speaker 1:Criticism of yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that you notice, say that again I noticed.
Speaker 2:I noticed that you shot that film that way and I'm wondering if you tweak this angle, this may bring you even to the next level.
Speaker 1:So, then, it's upon them to make that decision, whether or not they want to do it versus. You need to do this, because that was not good.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:And so I'm working on that.
Speaker 2:Well, we all are working in progress. So that would be one thing. The other thing to build to confidence is listening, and listening with sincerity. So with your child, of whatever it is that they're talking about, that may be so minute in your mind, or ridiculous, or dramatic. Moms come in and say, oh, my seventh year old. She's so dramatic. And I'll just say, just pause, just sit down and just listen to her drama for a few minutes and don't say anything. That helps so much. That helps so much when we really listen, because then we're showing respect, validity and they have a right to feel however they're feeling.
Speaker 1:That's so perfect, it's so simple, but we're not doing it.
Speaker 2:And that's why mindfulness is such a powerful movement, because all of those aspects, all of those behaviors are what mindfulness is about. It's like paying attention, like right now we're really connecting and paying attention to one another. We're in a mindful state of conversation. Just imagine if we had that within our business world, our families, our communities, our world. It would really differ, it would really make an impact.
Speaker 1:Why don't we have that?
Speaker 2:First of all, I think people know it. I think people are uneducated in that way and people have to be, have to model it. They have a modeling. So if you have a family system that doesn't function that way, nobody's modeling mindfulness at all, and so we don't have the models, we don't have the education, we don't have the awareness, and then, if we do, we don't understand the benefits of it, we can't quite grasp it, we can't quite grasp it, and that becomes the teacher or the mentor trying to say this is the value of this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think sometimes, like I was just talking to a coach yesterday and he's going to be coming on the podcast, I'm so excited to talk to him for veterans that have PTSD and I was looking at his website because I told you I love the marketing business side of it. I need help in that but something that I'd say I'm going to give him this feedback if he wants it when he comes in. But it's talking about if you have trauma, if you have PTSD, and my gentle suggestion will be and I think it's connected to this right here what we're talking about is I don't think people recognize that they have that. They just feel the pain of the symptoms of those trauma, ptsd but they haven't said I have trauma, I have PTSD. It's more of like I'm struggling here. I'm struggling here.
Speaker 1:I don't know why this keeps happening, kind of like parenting. I don't know why we keep fighting. I don't know why they're not listening versus like being able to identify oh, this is what's going on, I have this or they have that. I'm not able to listen.
Speaker 2:And sometimes the labels are important and sometimes they're not. So when you say PTSD, that's used in certain circles and sometimes it's real important to have that diagnosis. But I'm working with a woman right now that has PTSD and that's her diagnosis, that was given to her by a psychiatric hospital and team. But then I drop that whole thing and I look at what is happening in her present day life, that she's having an emotional reaction or a cognitive reaction that is then disrupting her present behavior so that she cannot function optimally. So we look, then we pair down what are the things that are happening, that then in my mind I'm saying that's a PTSD behavior or thought. But I don't frame it that way. So I don't want to keep on pathology pathologying her, if you will, and to put that over here. So I think it's great that we label it. And then my approach, my philosophy, is drop the label.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I 100% agree with that, especially when you've got the VA involved and you've got other aspects into it. But I'm saying I don't think a lot of people understand the root cause of what's causing these emotional reactions because just I come from a military background.
Speaker 1:No, you do I personally, but my kid's father. They don't realize that that's what it could be stemming from. So you kind of, whether it's a parent or whether it's somebody who's struggling with a PTSD, you're just kind of going in circles thinking I don't know why this keeps happening, because you weren't ever diagnosed. Because when you get out of the military They'll check you physically. They check it. They don't really do like a mental health Screening or a true, or if they do, it's 10. Yeah, I was gonna say it's a very basic. You're not really finding out what's what's going on. So I think just sometimes, like in our world, whether it's mental health or anything, we just don't. We don't understand what's going on until we talk to our professional right until we seek help from the right types of people.
Speaker 1:Then, like my son for example, we just figured out that a lot of his he was having migraines Consistently. He's 12 mm-hmm two to three migraines a week, mm-hmm. We then went and saw dr Callahan.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh and a chiropractor as well Emily over in Perseville with Luna soul chiropractic just a shout out. And Between the two of them we realized he needed adjustments and he needed Leaky gut. Yeah, going on. Yeah, because of gluten. Uh-huh, eliminated the gluten, got him adjustments. He hasn't not gone. Would had a migraine in about two months. Yeah, like Talking to the right people and professionals who understand these under because if I would have taken them to a traditional, nothing wrong with traditional practitioners, but they've got a different way of fixing the problems that come in. So it's just, it's mind-blowing where talking to the right people will solve.
Speaker 2:There's so many stories like that. I mean that's another sidebar. I mean I meant I'm trained in integrative health, you know, as a therapist. But I want to get back to one thing that you said about PTSD. There's a wonderful book that was written, published year and a half two years ago, called the myth of normal, by a gobor matei who actually had the pleasure of being with last February in Costa.
Speaker 1:Rica. He's amazing. I've heard him speaking lately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so I was in his presence for a week. It was like this man is amazing. But we talked about the little teas and the big teas, and so what you're really saying, ali, and the way that I'm hearing you, is that we'll all go through trauma in our life and those are little teas and the little teas could become a big tea and when it becomes a big tea it may be the PTSD. So a little tea may be. I'm growing up in a home where my father's alcoholic. That's a little tea because it's constant and it's unpredictable. But then all of a sudden father becomes really a rage, rage, a holic in this alcoholic behavior and has all these big Albers or has inappropriate behavior, punishing behavior. Then it becomes a big tea trauma. So what happens then?
Speaker 2:As the child goes into an adult, they may have flashbacks about what happened with dad as he was raging, and that's the cognitive part of it. And then emotionally they may get triggered by something and get Deregulated because under a situation, somebody's in a bar, bar, fight, you know, breaks out and all of a sudden they're having this intense emotional reaction and they can't manage themselves. Right, that could be, all you know, the evidence of a PTSD reaction. But you're right, we don't see it that way, because we don't edge it, we're not educated. Yeah, we just think, oh, something's wrong with that person. They're having this big reaction, they're having a meltdown. Yeah well, there's something underneath that. Have compassion and have curiosity.
Speaker 1:Speaking that's, that's beautiful and that's amazing, and I'm 100% on board with that. Speaking of compassion, empathy Can you dig into that a little bit?
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what changes the world. I mean really. So it's like in that particular incident we judge. We judge that person that having a meltdown and they're flaring, whatever, and instead we have to open our hearts and say Compassionally that person has suffered. I don't know what they're suffering with, but they have suffered. Let me see how I can open my heart, extend out in empathy and compassion and be supportive to them in a moment. And that is hard for people to wrap their brain around. We tend to go to the mind and we tend to judge and be critical right away. Same thing I see with people that are overweight. You know, people judge so quickly about somebody being overweight, but people are overweight for different reasons and a lot of, not a lot. But there is a significant amount of people that have been raped and you know their life, whether it's a man or a woman, and they may have a product, an eating disorder, but the eating disorder is related to a Mindset and a body amatuer, body dysphoria. If I have a larger body maybe I'm safer.
Speaker 2:Yeah maybe my tissue, my anapostis, will protect me so that nobody will look at me or I won't be raped again, or I don't have to feel the impact, yeah, of the rape, of what happened in the past. Because when we start to lose that tissue, we start to remember and we start to feel that which we haven't wanted to feel.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. Our brains are that like Complex, and we are not even conscious of the decisions that we make or the habits that we form over years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it's. The body is has such Creative intelligence that we don't know that the body stores all of those memories. And so the body, at some point, when that woman or man is losing weight, the body starts to shift and change begins to Ignite, the hormonal system, neuron starts sparking and then we start having those memories.
Speaker 1:And then they were having a memory of oh my gosh, I thought I compacted that, compartmentalized that years ago, and it comes out so humans were really good at putting things in little containers and storing them for a rainy day or hoping that they never get opened again. And sometimes they just open up and you're like where did that come from?
Speaker 2:you got it. So I'm curious when you say compassion, empathy I see that in your work what made you ask that question?
Speaker 1:because I Think we all want to say that we're compassionate and empathetic beings.
Speaker 1:Please us people that consider. You know, we all want to consider ourselves good humans, but then our actions don't always follow through with being empathetic, compassionate humans, or they only follow through in cases in which Look or feel like us, or Experiences maybe that we can connect and relate to. I see it in nonprofit work, where they're like we just have to let people understand that this demographic that we're serving is worthy of funding dollars. Or you remember, like, just even like the animal shelter videos. We just have to get people to feel sorry for these sad little kittens or these little puppies.
Speaker 1:And and it's like we aren't just I don't know if it's we're not naturally empathetic and compassionate or we do have to figure out how to tap into our audience or other humans brains to pull that empathy and compassion out. For me personally, that's why I like to have conversations, because when you talk to somebody eyeball to eyeball, heart to heart, you fall in love with them. Whether you agree with them, you don't agree with them, doesn't matter. You have so much more compassion and empathy for them, or at least I do. Yeah, I just said a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really appreciate what you're saying. So when we look at empathy, we look at empathy as I feel I feel badly for you in that situation. Compassion is the action to empathy. So I can feel and think empathetically. But what makes the difference is, if I'm compassionate, then I will act on that thought. Right, that is the behavior. But when we're born and we are these open little heart-scent of Buddha bellies, you know babies, and we're just these open little bodhisattvas kind of thing, but what happens is that we become conditioned. You know, through parenting we become conditioned and then is the parent, are the parents leading with empathy and compassion or are they not? And I think in our world, if one was to say, what's the demise of the world, I think that we're not seeing empathy and compassion in the family system being practiced at an early age and then throughout the young childhood up into the teenage years.
Speaker 1:So it's programmed.
Speaker 2:It's a way of saying it. It's a way of saying it yeah, conditions, it's conditioned, and there's no model for that. I mean there's no in the family system. Until the child breaks away, goes to school and sees something different, like hmm, that teaches me we can be reprogrammed.
Speaker 1:Sorry, it's what we can, but we can Exactly.
Speaker 2:We can change everything. We can change everything. Software can be updated. Yeah, and that's the beauty of it, the beauty of it. So you are conditioned in this way from your family of origin. You've suffered all this, but there's great hope that that all can be shifted and you can have a rebirth. Yeah, you all right. And it takes courage to walk that path to say, all right, if I want to be rebirthed, then I gotta do this work.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Or others around us have to help inject it slowly but surely. So, just to wrap this up, because I could sit here and talk to you, like literally for the rest of the day. I could talk to you for the rest of the day. So we have this commonality. How? What is your projection? I always like just asking this question, like what is your projection of the future For the community, for the world, for humanity?
Speaker 2:Oh I, what is my projection? That's a hard one because of the place that we're in right now. So if I just look at Loudoun County, though, I have great concerns. You know I have great concerns about Loudoun County because we are, you know, was at the second, at Third Riches County. You know all these things come out or maybe one of the happiest places to live with that gets hogwash. I don't think that. I think what we're facing in Loudoun County is such a rapid growth of buildings and development. You know these data centers building new electrical grids coming into communities and you know all these community meetings that are happening and people say we don't want these power grids in here. Something's happened with our land.
Speaker 2:So go back to nature. What I said before we are losing big parcels of nature, big parcels of open spaces, and we're replacing it with concrete and businesses that are going to pay for our tax revenue to do this and that, to build more roads and bridges and things like that, and I think that we're losing out by thinking that way and we need to stop and pause and think of. Let's go back to nature and see what the gifts of nature were, because when we connect nature, we connect to our humanists, we connect to humanity. Buildings don't connect us to humanity. They connect us to the false self, the conditioned self, the programmed self. Get that job, go bigger in the ladder, make more money, get to the high position. Then you can have all this money, buy a big house and go on all these vacations. That's what it's conditioning for Now. There's nothing wrong with that. But one in my mind you look at, the humanity of that Is the humanity still, is humility still in that process.
Speaker 2:So I think Long County is at a juncture where we can begin to shift and come a little bit closer back to nature, come more in balance, and I actually think that that is going to be healthy for families and healthy for teenagers and healthy for the young people if we shift back to that. And so you know this, it starts within each community. If we were to make this world a better place, we gotta practice it in our community, one community and then it bubbles into the next community and the next community. So if we can hold that one thought, that progress is returning back to nature and honoring nature and all the wisdom, returning back to the Indigenous tribes and what they tried to teach us and are still trying to teach us, so that we can have our sanity and we can have our life.
Speaker 1:A little bit of humanity mixed in there.
Speaker 2:With all of humanity mixed in there. Yeah, yeah, how does that sound to you? I love it, I love it. Yeah, do you hear what I'm saying? I feel what you're saying so yeah. Yeah, you feel it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a different response and I absolutely love it.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm different, as you could tell.
Speaker 1:The only way to be. Don't be the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're both unicorns.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're both unicorns.
Speaker 1:Thank, you so much for being on this podcast and sharing so much wisdom.