The Alimond Show
Paige Buscema President/Owner of Eyetopia - The Eyewear Vault
Have you ever caught yourself automatically responding with "I'm fine," even when you're anything but? It's a social reflex that many of us, especially women in the business world, know all too well. This episode peels back the layers of that all-too-common facade, as we engage in an earnest conversation with our guest about the intricate balance between authenticity and the expectations of perpetual positivity. Discover the power of genuine positivity, the art of active listening, and how revealing your true self can be your greatest source of strength.
Starting a business can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, and the leap of faith is daunting. Our guest, Paige Buscema opens up about their own entrepreneurial journey, revealing how they embraced risk, harnessed their inner confidence, and defied the fear of failure to carve out their path in the business world. Together, we explore the significance of personal mantras, the influence of thoughtful personal branding, and the undeniable importance of community and connection in both life and enterprise.
Finally, we lay out the roadmap for not just surviving but thriving in business ownership and personal growth. From the concrete steps of property acquisition to the abstract realms of business succession and long-term planning, our guest's insights underscore the power of foresight and visualization in achieving success. We wrap up with poignant words of encouragement, leaving you with a renewed sense of self-belief and the tenacity to persevere through the hurdles of entrepreneurship and life's many roles. Join us for this transformative journey toward confidence, resilience, and the realization of your full potential.
Have you ever caught yourself automatically responding with "I'm fine," even when you're anything but? It's a social reflex that many of us, especially women in the business world, know all too well. This episode peels back the layers of that all-too-common facade, as we engage in an earnest conversation with our guest about the intricate balance between authenticity and the expectations of perpetual positivity. Discover the power of genuine positivity, the art of active listening, and how revealing your true self can be your greatest source of strength.
Starting a business can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, and the leap of faith is daunting. Our guest, Paige Buscema opens up about their own entrepreneurial journey, revealing how they embraced risk, harnessed their inner confidence, and defied the fear of failure to carve out their path in the business world. Together, we explore the significance of personal mantras, the influence of thoughtful personal branding, and the undeniable importance of community and connection in both life and enterprise.
Finally, we lay out the roadmap for not just surviving but thriving in business ownership and personal growth. From the concrete steps of property acquisition to the abstract realms of business succession and long-term planning, our guest's insights underscore the power of foresight and visualization in achieving success. We wrap up with poignant words of encouragement, leaving you with a renewed sense of self-belief and the tenacity to persevere through the hurdles of entrepreneurship and life's many roles. Join us for this transformative journey toward confidence, resilience, and the realization of your full potential.
something in that about you know always being fine.
Speaker 2:What do you mean, like when people ask how you're doing, oh, I'm good.
Speaker 1:Well, isn't that the stigma about women that we always are fine?
Speaker 2:Yeah, mm-hmm, or just that, at least the expectation, and you don't wanna start off with like, oh, let me lay it all on you, cause then the other person feels at least for me when I've asked you, well, how's everything? And then they give me, like every like, all the hardships that they're going through. Now I'm invested in, like, fixing whatever I'm able to fix. Yeah, or at least just listening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, cause it's a giant offload of emotion and you have to assimilate all of that and process it.
Speaker 2:So Especially if you weren't ready for it.
Speaker 1:I didn't know we were gonna dive into like what does it mean to be fine? And how do you answer that question. What does it mean?
Speaker 2:to be fine. How do you answer that question? Well, that is a as a business owner, mom, can't you remember?
Speaker 1:You know I do a little mentoring of other small businesses because I know that being in business is really hard right. Everything we do is new to us. We're wearing new hats. Nothing's really comfortable until it's comfortable right, and sometimes there are things we're just not good at.
Speaker 1:And so I've always said to small business owners when you are asked how's business, the attitude has to convey something positive right, because we never want to put out energy that feels like we're a failure Cause. Nobody wants to get behind a failure right, they may have sympathy for a failure, but they're not necessarily gonna rally around you and make you bolder and stronger unless they feel like you have the potential right. So you always have to kind of show your potential. I don't really believe strongly in that, and so, even in a casual conversation, when somebody's saying how are you doing, it's not that you want to affect positivity, it's that you want to call that up in yourself. You know, find what is working right. It's sort of the more redirecting your attention to what is good in your world and then getting to the parts that are hard, if it's appropriate to get there with the person you're in conversation with.
Speaker 2:I like that cause. There's this big buzzword around toxic positivity.
Speaker 1:Ah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Have you heard of this? I have not, but it makes total sense.
Speaker 2:And I kind of have a love hate relationship with the word because, at least from what I understand, what you're saying is I don't believe it's toxic positivity to just zero in on and focus in on what is going right and kind of leave the other stuff to the side and get to it if it's appropriate, versus like starting off a conversation.
Speaker 2:But in my prior life when I was a very toxic, positive person so I've heard it almost offended people for me to be so positive all the time about all the things, which is funny cause this last six months I've been very like mentally in the negative from like personal things going on, that I'm not so positive. And it's funny cause now people are like what happened to your, like the glass is always full attitude about like everything in life. I'm like it's just chilling to the side right now we're working on it, but like I'm going through and kind of sifting through all the emotions. But it's just funny cause I think of it's usually the same people that were like gosh, everything is just always so great for you, isn't it?
Speaker 1:You know, when you're little and you come home all sad and dejected cause somebody was sort of bullying you, picking on you bullying is an overused word, but just picking on you or making you feel less than and then your parents say to you well, it's because they feel less than that, they're picking on you because you have something that you're projecting that they wanna pull down a notch.
Speaker 1:And I think you have to take that elementary school mentality of remembering that not everybody knows how to call on the positive in their lives, even in the worst of times. And that doesn't make you wrong that you're able to do that. It just makes you a great example, right, and some people will get it and really be magnetized by that and want to know how to do that in their own lives. And other people will be completely repulsed by it and think you're made up and false and that's okay. Right, you're toxic. I don't find toxic positivity to be a thing you know, unless you're just really affecting something, right. If you're making it up and it's not really something genuine in your life, then it doesn't belong in your conversation.
Speaker 2:I actually am now trying to find the super positive people because I know how it affects me it brings me up and we're like versus somebody who's just down, because then I'm gonna like sulk in with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's exactly right. I mean, and people who are depressed or struggling? They need people around them that can help them find what's good in their life. I really believe that we are called to be love right, to project love in all that we do and how we serve. So I think love is a very positive thing. So to come off as a positive person or to seek the positive even in the darkest times doesn't make you weak or put on right.
Speaker 2:Have you always been like this?
Speaker 1:Oh which part.
Speaker 2:This, all of this.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think God just moves through us and we either listen or we don't.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you were like this, like through high school college?
Speaker 1:Yes, I was a magnet for people because they knew I would have an answer for them, and I don't always feel like I have the answers. It's sort of that be still and listen moment. I'm certainly not somebody who ever feels like I know anything until I know something.
Speaker 2:Maybe you don't have to ask the right questions too, though, even if you don't have the answers.
Speaker 1:I'm blessed with the ability maybe coming from being a middle child, because I've talked about this before of being able to learn from other people's mistakes. Right, I don't have to smoke pot to know it's not gonna be good for me. I've seen plenty of disasters. I don't have to drink to excess to know that that's probably not gonna be a positive thing in my life. Right, I can learn from other people's hardships and I think that's a good superpower to have. From a young age, I was afraid of everything and everyone and I was very introverted and shy, and I have a mother who has worst case scenario syndrome all the time. So I think that's a little bit where that's born from, but it's kept us safe. I'm really appreciative of that and I've learned to move through the parts of that that I appreciate and the parts of that that I feel hold me back.
Speaker 2:It's gonna say, because there's a balance between being so careful that you don't try new things because you're always expecting the worst, versus the complete opposite, which is like jumping off every cliff hoping that a net's there to catch you. Take the attitude, so it sounds like you found that happy.
Speaker 1:I did. I mean, my mother's a very powerful woman. She's just very engaged, she was loving, she was a nurturer, she took care of everybody around her before she took care of herself. And so I don't mean anything by that bringing me down. It actually is a life lesson that has helped me figure out.
Speaker 1:Where do I strike that balance? Because, as I said to my kids, when the world shut down and I knew everybody was afraid, like we can't wrap ourselves in bubble wrap and live in a protected life all the time. Every day, when we get out of bed, we make choices and we assess our risk. Leaving the house, getting out of bed, getting dressed, how you're standing, what you're doing, how you walk down the steps these are risks in life. These are the little risks, right, but we make a million choices a day to assess risk and assume that a greater thing can come if we take the risk.
Speaker 1:So for me, being a person who came from a place of being afraid and knowing that would hold me back and I've told this story about the origins of my business I just woke up one day and I thought the fear of not doing this is greater than the fear of actually taking the risk, right? Because if I don't do it, I know I'm going to beat myself up Like I could have done that, I should have done that, I would have been good at that. And if you don't test yourself, if you don't find out what you can be good at, you're never going to know your limits, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Do you feel like you?
Speaker 1:know your limits. Now I feel like life doesn't really give us limits. I think we're actually very unlimited as human beings and our potential to grow, thrive, affect change. The whole phrase be the change, I think is really powerful and helps move me. In fact, I have these little power bracelets I made many years ago, before words were a big popular thing on Yojure jewelry. I had one of our jewelers make them and one of them says so. They're little secret things inside and I think one of them does say be the change.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:So each bracelet says something to remind me of what my values are. Excellence is not optional, which reminds me that, even though I feel like I'm inherently lazy, which maybe all humans are, I know that excellence only comes from action. Right Decide to be extraordinary. That's the decision we make every day. We can be in the dumps, like we started this whole conversation, be really mired in all the hardships, the lifehands, or we can decide to be better than that, bigger than that. Right and no compromises, meaning people are always going to have to try to pull you off your mark.
Speaker 1:They want to influence you in their own way.
Speaker 1:They put you in the box they want to see you in and I don't mean to overuse the word box, but there really is a place.
Speaker 1:And I tell people when they come in for eyeglasses and they want their husbands and their teenage daughters and their best friends to come and help them pick out their eyewear later. My words are always these people love you and they come to you from a place of expecting you to be what makes them comfortable and when you choose something outside of that comfort for them, even if it's a change in your appearance, they are going to be against it because it automatically. You know change is uncomfortable for everybody at different levels, and all types of change can bring discomfort. So you're asking them to grow with you and they may not be ready to grow. So you have to decide Are you ready to grow and be you and let them to accept you as you show up, or do you want to be held to the standard that they want you to be for their own comfort? And that's not them being poor judgment for you. It's what they know, it's comfortable and we're always going to default to what's comfortable.
Speaker 2:And plus that just goes to tell me that they actually haven't bought a pair of frames from you yet, and if you buy your first chair, you know not to ask anybody besides Paige.
Speaker 1:Well, you're very gracious and I really appreciate that. People come to the shop and they like to work with me directly or they've learned to. You know that Christina has her own amazing style and way of guiding people and that each team member has learned that in their own way and delivers it for people, and I'm just very proud of that. I think you know it's a heart of service that we come to and I tell people all the time oh, people think we make glasses, which we really do very well, but what we really do is manufacture happiness.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:We at our heart and who we are in the culture that we've built there. We really want you to embrace and be empowered by your look and your story and be able to tell that as effectively as you can. And we don't stand before people with our full confidence if we're uncomfortable with some aspect of what they're seeing right. So that's the heart that we come at from business in all of our decisions, but it's part of the success story of Itopia.
Speaker 2:And you've sprinkled that through your marketing, through the way you attract clients, through the client events that you have Like, you live it and embody it within your brand and business.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Yeah, I really want people to be comfortable and happy and build a community. You know I want our clients to cross, pollinate and get to know one another and I want to create environments where that's possible and comfortable Because, as I said at the beginning, like I don't come into any social setting comfortable and maybe people feel like that's put on because they don't see that aspect of my personality. But you can ask my team like I get, I have to take some deep breaths and I'm a little nervous and I feel those jitters inside every time I have to go anywhere, even if I think I'm going to know everybody in the room. I always try to just come with my calmest energy and look people in the eye and do the things my parents taught me to do from early stages of communication. But you know, I grew up in a military family so it was shake hands and say hello and look people in the eye and, you know, wear your confidence proud.
Speaker 2:Do you think that? That, though, is part of why you do what you do today, in terms of the confidence, the frames getting outside of your comfort zone, like have you ever?
Speaker 1:thought through. Oh yeah, so certainly my own story is wrapped up in how I engage others. Everybody comes at things that way and so you know, knowing that people can be well. Actually, I'll start at the origins of Ietopia.
Speaker 1:When I first launched, I had been at an event it was in my own industry and the speaker got up on the stage and it was a woman and she was very confident and well dressed and I thought, oh, this is like a woman who has it all together and she starts her topic standing at the podium, steps away from the podium a few times and then I thought, oh, one day maybe I could be a speaker that can walk away from the podium.
Speaker 1:And then she gets back to the podium to look at her notes and she awkwardly picks up now this is in my own industry, right Awkwardly picks up this pair of glasses, puts them on looks really uncomfortable looks at her notes, looks back at the audience awkwardly, takes her glasses off and walks away from the podium again. And I said to myself she's just undermined her entire authority, right? She's shown a lack of confidence in what she's doing. The fiddling with her glasses is creating distraction from her words, and I really want to show women how to show up with their full confidence. I really think it's so important that we not be so uncomfortable in our own skin that, when we're in front of an audience, we're awkwardly undermining our own ability to influence the way we're wanting to influence.
Speaker 2:I want to throw something out at you and see what your thoughts are about this. I was just having a conversation with somebody and I had to explain myself after I said this. But I said I really don't care about how you feel. And they looked at me and they were like what that's like? Like in total disgust and I said you know, you don't feel like doing the important things in life.
Speaker 2:Like nobody wakes up and says, oh, for the most part I mean I usually do, but like oh, I feel like going and brushing my teeth, or I feel like going to work, or I feel like changing the baby's diaper, like we don't feel like doing the important things in life, and so it's like I don't really care about how you feel. I don't care about how I feel, it's just these are things that I need to get done, whether I feel like it or not. And from for a while I've removed myself from my feelings, because if I just followed my feelings, I'd be in bed in a big old lazy bum, not doing the important stuff and just hearing you talk about like how she probably felt in the moment versus how she showed up. You know what I mean. Like she didn't maybe do that work of removing herself from her feelings and showing up with the confidence that everybody wanted?
Speaker 1:Well, what she really wanted, right? You never stand in front of an audience and not want to be at your strongest, most influential moment, right To your point. And I'm like you. I do mentor other people because I feel like we get to a place where we've learned hard things and we're almost required to reach back and make sure other people know how to do it without as much hardship.
Speaker 1:That's it. I have a separate business called InfoFocus, which you know, and I only take three clients a year and those clients always, when they're the first year with me, tell me oh, that felt like boot camp and the first month is really hard and really uncomfortable because I'm saying things to them like I don't really care how you feel. This is not about your feelings, this is about what you want and your feelings aren't going to get you there in the way you need to get there right, they matter, but not for the way we're going to achieve this right. And you're exactly right, because if we worry about how we feel all the time, we don't get out of bed. I don't think any of us would get out of bed if we were always worried about how we felt.
Speaker 2:Why is there such an emphasis on feelings?
Speaker 1:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:Well, going through school, not for me, but, like for my kids. I'm not a therapist counselors and I'm not undermining depression, because I know it's a real thing, but just feelings of sadness. How do you feel about it? There's a very big emphasis on how we feel Well, without talking about how that affects our and I think depression comes in all forms, right?
Speaker 1:I mean, we can get very depressed and disabled in our ability to move into our next best self if we're allowing ourselves to stay stuck or we're afraid to take the next step, or we really just don't know the answer to what do you want? And so often, if we're not in tune with our own emotions and how we're projecting because emotion is how we communicate more than words, right, it's what body language is about If we're not in tune with how we are feeling and how we're projecting that, then we don't know how to communicate more effectively, right? So, understanding who we are at our core, what our value is, what we want to rally ourselves around, what moves us and what makes us feel like our cup is filled with joy, so that we can spill the joy over to others, I think emotion plays a huge role in every aspect of our human nature and how we are attracted or unattracted to people. Does that answer the question?
Speaker 2:A little bit. Yeah, I think it's just like a lot of self-awareness is kind of what I'm hearing is being aware of Feelings are important. Emotion is important, because you need to be able to process that in order to take action on your feelings.
Speaker 1:I find a lot of people and in my time as a business owner I've had people who I have engaged with or found that they don't understand the impact they have on other people. I think it's just their little sphere, their bubble that they're living in and they have to get all these things for themselves to be just right so that they have what they need. But they're not really understanding that every decision they make, how they engage in the world, has this bigger impact around them and that they're sort of stepping on other people as they go. And I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. If I'm feeling like someone's stepping all over me, either A I'm inviting it, allowing it or B they literally are, just as the comedian once said pricks in a bubble. They just don't have any perception that they are impacting in a negative way. I can't remember the comedian that said that, but inappropriate on camera. But there it is. That's who I am.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get a porcupine pricks.
Speaker 1:He's watching these people who I really believe, and I say this even like I had conflict with one of my landlords and I was like he's probably a really nice guy to live next door to. Maybe everybody that knows him thinks he's amazing, but to be my landlord he was not pleasant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is why Don't you feel like that helped your journey as a business owner?
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you were like no more landlord, I'm buying my own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm actually a really early stage in business. I signed that first lease and I said to my husband good grief, these people own you, they own you. Then you realize, as you approach resigning your lease or renewing your lease, that if you even smell an ounce like success, there is no way that lease negotiation is going to go well, Right because they see dollar signs.
Speaker 1:They're in business to make money and make sure their business is being managed well and that they're maximizing their own income. I have reminded many a business person over the year that's complaining about their landlord. Well, remember, you're engaging with another business. Yeah Right, this is not some random jerk that wants bad things for you. He wants to be successful too. So engage your communication with them in that way, right from that understanding. And if you can't make it work between you, where you're being fair and you expect fair in return, then maybe that's not the lease you want. And I just said to my husband I don't want to be owned by my landlord anymore, I just don't want to do it. And I've had good landlords and I've had not so good landlords and I've had really positive experiences and I've had really good landlords.
Speaker 2:How about your landlord?
Speaker 1:now. Oh, I love my landlord now. Yeah, I bought my building in 2006,. It was a time of major change in my life. I was hiring my first employees, buying a building, having my first child, and my mother said to me do you have to do everything the hardest way possible? Does it have to be everything at once? Yeah, I think so. That's true, that's it, that's right. You know, rip it off like a bandaid. There we go, let's just get it done and figure it out.
Speaker 2:Speaking of which, what do you see yourself in the next five, 10, 20 years? Do you think long term, or are you kind of more of a week by week, month by month, your by year person?
Speaker 1:So I've always said that when I turn 45 and I'm 52 now I went on what I call my next 45, which is probably going to be the title of my book, if somebody doesn't beat me to it. So the next 45 was literally I sort of woke up on my birthday and I was saying to my husband okay, you know what I'm going to live to be 90. I'm engaged. I'm going to make sure that, to the extent that I have any control over this, my expectation is to be so. I'm halfway through life here, which means we need to figure some things out. Like we own a business, what does that look like? What's the succession plan? We have growing kids. Where do we want to live in the future? What's retirement? What age is that going to be? What's?
Speaker 2:our goal, but you're a business owner. Are you allowed to retire?
Speaker 1:Not really. So, you know, I just went on a journey of asking all the questions and my husband, you know, to his credit, has a good sense of humor. I was like, do we have to figure all that out like this morning before breakfast? Well, no, I think I'm on my next 45 now. It's okay, we got some time. Yeah, I do. I think that, especially as a business owner, somebody early on in my business, when I first launched, I went to like a community event and I remember the speaker saying you got to know how the story ends in order to know how to begin. And I thought, oh crap, I don't know. I don't know how the story ends. Right, I'm just in it to do something. Feel that makes me feel like I've contributed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but do you have? To know how the story ends, because I think that's one mindset, philosophy, but I've heard different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. I mean I do think projecting out and visualizing I mean even just starting the business, really visualizing and manifesting what you want it does require steeping yourself in a scenario that you can really live before you live it. I don't know what other gurus would say about it, but my own way is to sort of see myself at the victory line and how that feels and what I wanted from that and starting a business. It was like going into it. Very practical, I'm a very practical person. Right, this is the woman who registered a tool chest for her bridal registry instead of China. I'm practical. I'm like I'm starting a new house, I'm going to need some screwdrivers and I'm not talking drinks.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I do think that for me, looking over the landscape, I think that's really been an evolution for my business.
Speaker 1:The business is a living, breathing process and that you have to evolve based on what you perceive your future clientele will want and you have to set the foundation to be there really effectively at the time it comes to full fruition. And if you don't plan ahead, if you don't think about what's that next iteration of business going to look like, how are we going to drive our clients to engage with us, and what's technology changing for us, how is our industry ebbing and flowing? And if we're not evaluating all those things to start taking our next steps and our next steps and our next steps, then we stumble a lot more frequently than we would want to. I really do believe for myself, looking even just a couple of years ahead at a time and understanding how our clients are changing and how they buy things, how an entire world shut down in 2020 changed an entire generation of people and how they're going to want to engage in the future, and that's a 10-year project.
Speaker 2:It's just hard if you laid it all out and then somebody threw a wrench in there and you're like, okay, well.
Speaker 1:Well, that gives you the ability to adapt, though you were prepared, and I said to everybody, I do something called a refocus retreat in January to get a reset on your mind and take assessment of where you were and then really look forward. What are we looking forward to? Everybody that participated in the January 2020 and was all gauged up and were prepared every single one of those women said to me you know, if I hadn't participated in that, I actually think the shutdown would have been harder for me, because I was actually fully engaged and motivated and it really helped build some momentum to me so that I was able to navigate.
Speaker 2:The recoup was full, so if a little bit spilled out, they still had enough to kind of keep moving.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe so, or maybe it just changes our confidence, right, Because we were talking about confidence on a stage or confidence with clientele. When you have full confidence behind your actions, then they're not as scary, right, and I always default back to that. Let's not live where it's scary just from my own life perspective.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that. Yeah, I've talked to people where they have said you know, I like to take it, I like to see what's kind of on my plate, and then I can pivot and figure out how I want to work with what's given to me. I'm on the mindset, though and I think it's just my personality of no, no, I want to see the finish line, because then, if something gets in my way, I know how to navigate around it, so I can still get to my finish line versus somebody else or societies, or a pandemic's finish line.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I will say I mean in thinking about business and a succession plan. That's all very intimidating to me. I've been to multiple conferences since 2018, 2019. I participated in the CEO group and made lots of friends, but I don't know that I took from that something that gave me anything. But oh no, what do you mean? I, you know, looking at the finish line of business. I don't know that.
Speaker 1:I like doing that because I'm so steeped in the day to day of trying to find the joy in what we're doing. I really think it's so important, like we're living this life right now and these mixed messages for people of be present but look forward, but remember right, so where are we exactly? But being present to me means that I remember, when I'm hugging my children to really be fully there, right, when they're talking to me and I feel like I don't have time to hear what they're saying, I slow myself down to remind myself like they're not always going to be there to talk to me. So I need to be in this moment, having this conversation now. That's being present for me.
Speaker 1:Looking forward is that projecting. What are our goals? What are we moving toward? Where's the path going to take us. I may not have to know how the story completely ends to know that, realistically, we get to the end of the path at some point, whether we choose it or not. So you might as well plan for it and looking back. It's not looking back with regret, but rather looking back and understanding that built who you are today and give you an opportunity to move forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're so eloquent when you speak, oh you're gracious Thank you? What made you want to do the? I know you said you wanted to be able to give back, being able to pour into other business owners and your infocus group. What, like you, don't need more things on your plate, do you no?
Speaker 1:Why do you do that? It really just comes from someplace deep inside me that feels like, and maybe it's something my dad said. He said to me one time we don't get any achievement in life without a thousand people behind us that made it possible, right, and always remember that you didn't do it alone. And when I started this business and I realized, good grief, I don't know anything, I don't know how to do this, I'm looking around for people who do, and 21 years in, I still go into circles that I think, okay, this is going to be the circle where I'm the little fish in the big pond and I'm going to learn something momentous, right, like amazing. I'm going to be like, oh, an aha moment.
Speaker 1:But really I don't actually believe at this point that anybody knows all the things. There's no secret to success except your own drive and your own willingness to do the hard stuff. And so, in wearing so many hats and learning things along the way, I really do think it's our, it's our job as humans to just sort of look around us and see who might stumble into that same trap. Which hurdle was so hard that nobody should have to learn it that hard way right.
Speaker 1:And so I have built over the many years different networks, different circles, different tables of conversation, different platforms to help engage with people and help them find the path that's not needing the machete to get through it.
Speaker 2:Look at your visual from a very visual person I'm a very visual person, too. What's something that you find people stumbling on consistently, whether it's a client or customer coming into your Iotopia, or it's a business owner that you're having a quick chat with, or they're actually in your coaching program?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, the unique thing about infill focus is that it's not focused on people in business necessarily. It's really about creating a focus plan for your own life and that our personal lives, us at our most human and basic, is the important center and then all of the layers that come out of that. Everything that we want to achieve outside of that core right is different for everybody, and goals can change, and goals can be huge and lofty and goals could be just simply I want my laundry room to not look like a complete disaster. That's a good goal, right. It could be a one-week goal, it could be a five-year goal, I don't really care how they come in.
Speaker 1:I just want to know what it is that's holding you back, what's making you feel stuck, because most people don't engage with me unless they have a problem that they're trying to solve, right? So at Itopia, the problem we're trying to solve is what's that next level of confidence I want to project? How do I want to show up? What's the exterior so that the interior can be fully present or well-present?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so do you feel that, in terms of the number one thing that you see people getting stuck on is simply moving through our own stuff?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we are you know, I say it all the time, other people probably say it all the time we are the biggest hurdle we have to get over. Right the day I started my business, I started walking around town thinking, okay, I did this, like I just opened the doors and I'm doing this and look, we could put a grocery right there and we need a little thing here and we could do a jeweler over there. This town needs a coffee shop. Now we have three, right, but at the time there was very little and suddenly my entrepreneurial mind was open and my heart was open to what was possible. Like, oh, that hurdle dropped and now I realize it wasn't as intimidating as I was making it in my mind and then that helps me problem solve other things in business. Right, okay, this feels like I am really, really in the weeds, but I'm going to figure it out.
Speaker 2:People ask me consistently how, why are you so confident? How do you become confident? And I don't ever actually have a good answer to that. Besides, I just move through it despite how I'm feeling in the moment. Yeah, people are like confidence. It's not really confidence, it's just I do things that I've never done before and have found a sliver of success, and then I just kind of stack on top of that and just keep going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you recognize that you are holding yourself back by not taking certain actions. We have what I call the big box of avoidance. That's always over here next to us and we're constantly shoving things into this box of avoidance and we never go through it Right, and until you're ready to just go through the box of avoidance and make sure the things that really belong in the trash or in the trash, or the things that you really need to engage with and make sure get done, get done, you're going to always have regret standing right here in the middle. So to live without regret means to not fill up your box of avoidance and leave it right, because the box of avoidance is always going to have projects in it you would have, should have, could have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like that drawer in the kitchen that you just like to catch all. You just start throwing stuff in. You avoid it because you don't want to go through it.
Speaker 1:Drawer in the kitchen room in the basement. Who's counting?
Speaker 2:Storage unit Right.
Speaker 1:All kinds of places, but you know, knowing how to ask for help is one of my biggest hardest things. Right, I had to go through a whole year of coaching myself to ask for what I needed, which sounds so silly, but when it's not in your natural makeup to feel like it's okay to ask, or or that you feel so vulnerable asking that you don't want to come off being silly, yeah, needy, needy, I don't know, but I just never want to feel like I feel silly about it and you think that's ego?
Speaker 1:Sure, I think I think a lot of time our fear of how we show up is our ego right? Our ego wants to show up at our best. I'm not so fearful of vulnerability and because I do think transparency and being open and being true to yourself is really an important part of full engagement with others. But yeah, I do feel like that can hold me way back if I'm caught up in my fear of how I'm looking Right.
Speaker 2:I mean, as long as you get the frames on the I-topia frames, then everything else will look awesome.
Speaker 1:That's the theory, at least.
Speaker 2:You know, something people say all the time is oh, I have multiple hats to wear. We need to change that to like I have multiple frames or eyewear. You know to be so positive. That's true, because that's kind of a negative connotation to it, isn't there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting. I mean I actually brought with me several pair of glasses because I wasn't sure exactly what our format would be and what we'd be doing Recently. In the beginning, white glasses were my thing and now pink is sort of more my theme and I've been wearing more pinks and pink was always my favorite color growing up and I said to my team okay, pick me a pair. Yeah, pick me a pair of glasses and I'll pick a pair of glasses and we'll see how that all works out. And so I picked these, which I wear with full confidence. I feel happy. They make me feel well put together. I really like the look. And then they picked me a pair and I'm like I feel like I need to be wearing superhero clothes to pull that off, and I don't feel like that superhero most days, so I'm a little bit more reserved about putting those on. I keep saying to my family can I wear these? Can I actually do this?
Speaker 2:You have them with you, yeah.
Speaker 1:Can I see them? So this is the look that I picked for myself because it makes me comfortable, and this is the look my team thought I should wear, because actually this is part of a collection we're launching this winter called the Frost, and it's pink and it's bright and I feel like I definitely have to have makeup on to pull this off, and it has this really beautiful lens that has an anti-reflective coating.
Speaker 2:I was going to say there's absolutely like. No, as a photographer, I love these three.
Speaker 1:We're going to love this coating and this is the first time I've ever engaged with a coating in our history. It's always, oh, it's the next best thing and you never really see it. But this is actually a really amazing lens. So I was saying to my husband this morning I wish, because Aliyah would love this lens, but I'm not confident wearing these glasses yet. I feel like I'm a little bit reserved from this. Look Okay. And my husband's like, okay, well, just wear the ones you're confident in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what does it take to get confident in those frames?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think I'm going to have to find a really powerful outfit to go with it, to make me feel like the whole thing came together, you know. Just trying to get inside the rain and stage. They're a little superhero. I feel like this is a little like I need some amazing boots and something a little more fitted than maybe what I'm wearing here.
Speaker 2:You can't just like half-ass it, you've got to like, you've got to really own it right.
Speaker 1:I just feel like I've got to really own this look. You know it's a very pink frame, but I love the frost, I love the shape. I think it's a really fun and it's chunky. This is a British product, it's just fun.
Speaker 2:I love it. Thank you, I love it. I like my pink frames that you brought me. Thank you Pretty much that I bought from you that you chose, and you were like this is it? And like, yes, it is. And ever since then, it's just all right, I'm ready for a new pair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you just pick them out. Well, alia, you always come at something like you have your opinion. You're very clear-minded. I really appreciate that about you, and even when you're allowing for me to pick out your frames and you know, at Itopia you're still the one that ultimately makes the decision. You've just sort of curated for you, but I appreciate, even if you don't fully feel the confidence, you always at least go okay, this is the one.
Speaker 2:Or these two. Yeah, these are the three sunglasses which, by the way, at my last appointment, you know what they told me, what they said they're doing these like 360. I just went in a couple of days ago, these 360 eye checking the back of your eyeballs, essentially, she showed me the thing and there's a freckle inside of my eyeball which she was like looks like you weren't wearing eyewear growing up or sunglasses growing up. And I was like, no, actually, you're correct. I, just as an adult, a few years ago, finally started getting like wearing sunglasses. She's like it's okay, it'll be fine, we're just going to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't grow. I was like, oh well, there's actually like it's not just while the sun is hurting my eyes, but like it can actually do damage inside of your eyeball. I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:Oh sure, yeah. Well, you know that. That's what cataracts are all about.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't know.
Speaker 1:So inside your eye you have a crystalline lens behind your pupil that your muscles contract or expand to help you focus far and near, and at birth it's very, very clear and thin and it's absorbing a lot of the harmful rays early on, and the back of the eye takes on most of its UV and sun damage early in life because that little lens doesn't have enough protection in it yet. So our first 10 years of the life were most vulnerable, which is why we really focus on child eye health and I did a whole series one year on. I'm at the pool with my children and my children are the only ones here wearing sunglasses. Every adult here is in sunglasses, but my children are the only children wearing sunglasses at the pool and we're most exposed at that age, most exposed around reflective surfaces like water or snow. So, depending on where we grow up, where we're exposed to light, all of these things impact our health.
Speaker 2:Well, I think you need to resurface those.
Speaker 1:I do. Being here in the video room, I am realizing there are some things that I need to re-apply.
Speaker 2:I need to help educate you, as parents, about, even though Yusuf has his cute friends or sunglasses that he wears all the time now.
Speaker 1:Thanks, to you.
Speaker 2:Anyway. So just to wrap it up, I absolutely love the superhero friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they did, they did right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they did you well there. If you had to give one piece of advice to the world, what would you say?
Speaker 1:Yes, you can. That's what I have right. We're always going to doubt, and my words to you would always be I know you can and yes you can. Life is hard. Make the best of it.
Speaker 2:Love it Permission.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Couragement. Yeah, thank you so much for being on my show and this was a great conversation.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you're awesome. Thank you so much. I appreciate you greatly.
Speaker 2:Where can people find you?
Speaker 1:Well, itopia is just down the street, at 223 Loudoun Street here in beautiful historic Leesburg, and I'm on the web at Itopia Inc, everywhere you Would Look, and ItopiaInccom Openful focus doesn't have a web presence because, again, I'm very careful about the three clients I take per year and then I want to make sure I devote enough of myself to that. So that's all pending. But if you want to reach out to me on any subject, you can find me at Itopia. Perfect, thank you so much I had love to make this