25 ~ Desire and The Liberated Woman with Olivia Lara Owen

Together with Olivia Lara Owen, we reminisce about the seeds of desire planted which blossomed into the empowering practices we advocate today. Our conversation is a celebration of individual awakenings and the soul-deep yearnings that have helped us navigated through this life.

Her insights into the emotional upheaval experienced during significant life transitions resonate with anyone who's ever dared to redefine themselves. We share not just experiences but also the wisdom found in the throes of change, inviting listeners to ponder the pivotal moments that shape our paths.

We turn to the beauty of decision-making and its profound impact on our lives. Whether it's the allure of a decadent retreat in Paris or the wisdom gleaned from a transformative experience in Florence, we highlight how choosing to indulge in life's luxuries can open us up to possibility. Olivia's tales of love and commitment, inspired by elders' lifelong journeys, weave a final thread of inspiration, reminding us that the pursuit of desire is not just an act of self-indulgence, but a celebration of life itself.

You can learn more about Olivia through the links below:
IG: @olivialaraowen
Web: www.olivialaraowen.com
AMBROSIA Retreat: https://houseofopulence.fr/liberatedwoman

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire as Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by Desire inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood, relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within.

Speaker 1: 0:32

I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine, and I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children. I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore Desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, Even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of Desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of Desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Today I have some very special people with me. As always, brenda is here today. Today we have Olivia Lara Owen with us. Yes, she is one of my BFFs, as well as Brenda, but today I get to play again and bring you guys all the way back to the beginning with me. Today is episode 25. Yay, yay.

Speaker 1: 1:51

For us, this has been quite the ride Tons of skills and emotions and passages and tunnels and all these things that we had to go through to get here. It feels really good. I'm so happy that you're here listening. Thank you for being on this ride with me.

Speaker 1: 2:10

And the thing I want to remind everyone of today, including myself, is why did we start this podcast? Desire as Medicine? The podcast is because we really wanted to talk and bring the concept of desire forward For other women I guess men too, but listeners to really sit with. What do they want, what do we want, and when we start to orient our lives in that way, what does it look like? So, yes, we talk to each other, brenda and I. We even interview other people, but ultimately we're hoping to give you an inside view of what's happening inside the individual as they go through work, as they go through their life, their friendships, etc. Interweaving desire, following the thread, watching it unfold in their life. Hopefully we've been doing a great job of that Today. We will be beginning with Olivia. Brenda, is anything we're going to add?

Speaker 2: 3:10

I am deeply honored to be here today, deeply honored to be on this journey with you, Catherine, and so excited for our 25th episode today and to have Olivia on.

Speaker 1: 3:21

Yay, olivia is here. She also was our 22nd episode. She was the person that was willing and able and more than capable of interviewing Brenda and I. We absolutely loved that episode. And now we're going to show you Olivia from the other side of the mic as we interview her, as we just hopefully unfold different layers from different angles that not all of her clients get to see her in this light, in this perspective, because she's always holding the pole of holder of teacher of guide. Olivia has her own podcast that she does with Lola and it's called Juicy, the Juicy podcast. Olivia has an online platform, the House of Opulence. Olivia is about to start another program called the Liberated Woman. But today we're going to be speaking about something. We're going to be trinkling this in Ambrosia, which is a gorgeous retreat that she's planning, where it's all about the full liberated woman in Paris. Olivia, hi, welcome.

Speaker 3: 4:36

Hello, hello ladies.

Speaker 1: 4:39

So happy to have you.

Speaker 3: 4:41

Thank you, it's really lovely to be back so soon.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Yes, thank you for coming back so soon. I really the last time we had you and you were interviewing us. I mean, of course, that was amazing for me to experience, because I think you're just so genius in that area. But today I'd love to start with, can you tell us when or if there's a moment in time where you started to feel into, oh, desire, this is something to play with. This is juicy medicinal like? What was it like for you?

Speaker 3: 5:23

Well, there's a couple of moments that really jumped to me in answering that question, and the first one is a time in my life where I never would have named it as being desire. But when I look back and I think about the experiences I was having inside of myself, I can now name that the thing that I was feeling was desire, like this energy to really change and transform my life, and this was when I was a teenager. At the time, the context for my life at that time was I was really experiencing like where the shoe just did not fit, and it's a really hard time for the shoe not to be fitting, because when you're a teenager, you're in the shoe. It's like this is the way that you're supposed to be and live, and I had a really, really hard time with that. I had a really hard time with the kind of conventional meal that was offered to me in life, and when I think back to that time, I think back to the kind of discomfort inside of me that I was being asked and called to find my freedom, and it was the first time I can recall feeling a sense of possibility that there was. I was going to walk away from the path that was given to me by my you know the elders in my life and I was going to find my own way and I felt so hungry for that and I think at that age I felt pretty clear that that's how my life was going to be and I hadn't really experienced at that time the trials and tribulations of what it is when you actually follow that. So that's kind of the first point. And then the second marker in life was around like seven or eight years ago Now, when I first walked into a class that was called desire.

Speaker 3: 7:24

I walked into a desire class in London and I was extremely uncomfortable physically and just being, just being in this room. I felt exposed. I felt like I feel like desire is a very exposing energy. So you're going to a class that's funny because now I run class at school, desire all the time but you're going to a workshop with lots of other people and it's called desire.

Speaker 3: 7:57

And I walked in there and I had a bit of sass to me. I was like I know exactly what I want. I was like I know exactly why I'm here and exactly what I want. And inside I was like this quivering, quivering mouse, like oh God, I really hope someone doesn't like actually see me or call me out, because I don't actually think I really know what I want. But I know that I want to feel, I want to get free and I want to feel more than I can feel. And I know my life is currently working for me and I kind of have walked in there really wanting to be helped and guided and shown a different way. That's what kind of got me in the room and I remember walking out of that weekend very humbled and feeling like oh, there's a name for this thing. That's what it's called Desire got it.

Speaker 1: 8:52

Yeah, when you think about walking out, feeling humbled, what was it, if anything, that you were really getting clear on that world, you were like, oh, humility. I hear you, we are walking together.

Speaker 3: 9:11

Well, it was one interaction I had with Justine Dawson, who's a fellow teacher of all of ours. It was like midway through the weekend. There was probably like 30 people in the room, men and women and I'd come in with this sort of sass, little bit of a privado masking that I was quite uncomfortable in this room full of like what felt like very liberated, embodied people, and I felt like, oh, they have something that I don't know if I have access to that thing. And there was a moment in the weekend where the facilitator, just team, was asking like what is it? What is it that you really want?

Speaker 3: 9:58

And I remember raising my hands and I said something like I would like a global business. And I just reeled off like this big vision for what I wanted to create. And she kind of like peeked through the crowd. She kind of like asked the people at the front to like, can you just move to the side? And she took one look at me and was like, oh, it's like. Oh, are you the kind of woman that, like you really like have it together and you're like it's kind of boss, babe, and you're really capable person? But there's this part of you inside that is just dying to be seen and it I nearly died.

Speaker 3: 10:39

I nearly died, it's like it, it is so deeply she like just held her gaze on me for about three seconds I would never forget that moment it like totally changed my life and it really bonded me and justy and she really became someone for me that I trusted to see me deeply after that. But, yeah, she pierced it with just like one piece of reflection of connecting with me, she. She pierced through something that I thought was pretty well molded and I didn't think anyone could could get through that. But she did and it disarmed me and so I walked out of that weekend feeling like grateful for that moment. I think like the first half of the weekend before that moment had happened, I was a little bit like, oh yeah, take it or leave it. You know, I don't really know why I'm here and at that moment, just like I was like oh, now I really know why I'm here. And it inspired me to come back again for the second time. You know, like okay, if I could be in a place that can see me that deeply, I'm going to go back because I want that. It's scary but I want that.

Speaker 3: 11:49

So it revealed to me that I needed help, that I actually couldn't walk the path on my own and, interestingly, that desire I shared with her. There's nothing wrong with that desire. It's actually why I ended up going on to create, but it, it, it wasn't the actual reason. I was in the room, I was in the room to be seen, but I would never have been able to voice that. And so it, it.

Speaker 3: 12:16

It gave me that we can, started giving me new language for all of these things. I felt inside and I I also felt permission in a way that I'd never felt before, which was as a woman just the simple fact that I could have desire that it was a thing, that it was something that was important and something that other people wanted me to on one side, one on the second side go after it, receive it, like it was this, this, this new language in this new world, to like color, why I already felt, but I, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have, um, I wouldn't have been able to get there, I think, without somebody giving me that language and giving me that experience. And you know, as we all are very blessed, now we get to do that for the people.

Speaker 1: 13:16

Thank you so much for being the person to bring us back to that. Brenda, can you remember those early stages around desire?

Speaker 2: 13:25

I really do. I love how you just painted that picture, olivia. It's so confronting but exhilarating at the same time. It's like I don't want this. I want this. It feels so good, like you said, to be seen. It feels so good to be seen.

Speaker 1: 13:47

I wanna sort of pause here for a second and talk about. I wanna see if I can even word this. This is for us in the room for other listeners when you feel fully capable and you just have life and you're able to go for the standard successful things, right, the things that we've learned are the right things to do you started with. When she asked you the question, you're like I want a global business, right? Most people can say I want to go to this college, get this degree, marry this kind of person, have these kinds of children live here, like the places where we can normally take right. And it sounds pretty convincing when we say that to others.

Speaker 1: 14:39

The skill to be either witness, to be in the right rooms, to be willing to put yourself in a room to be witness, and to be willing to be the person that gains the skill to be able to see others is part of what I would call personal growth, personal development. It would be so easy for most people, right? I mean, I'm assuming you probably said that to many people this is what I wanna create in the world and people were like yes, get it, you can have it that and more right, without really feeling into. Oh, I think there's a tender desire here. How many people actually get to really see you, the woman underneath the bravado or the egoic creations that we can create in the world?

Speaker 3: 15:35

Yeah, exactly the word that's coming to me is like it's that soul, like someone is gonna take a beat and take a breath, and they're actually on the lookout for the deeper thing, like most people I don't think are really even. They're like oh great, oh yeah, I resonate with that. You wanna build a big business, like you said, the tick, tick, tick. But there are others who are sort of soul, truth whispers like oh oh, I get the sense. This person in front of me, like I can feel that thing, like I'm gonna point to it.

Speaker 3: 16:17

There's something else and I imagine that, like in that case, justine probably had it in her too and recognized me and her and in the same way, I've been able to then have that same experience with others and remember, you know what it's like to walk through the world as a woman who's like gotta have it all together. I have to be the one that's holding it together and I've gotta have my shit together and I've gotta be impressive and I've got to be a little bit protected and armored, because there's not really anywhere I can go where I can be soft, and it's safe to be soft and it's safe to be seen, and I think that's one of the reasons why I care so much about the work that I do and I know the two of you do the same right Like we get to create these safe environments for that part of someone to reveal itself.

Speaker 1: 17:10

Yes, thank you. What happened for you next? How you could have walked out of that room saying to yourself great, I really loved how that felt to be seen, and now I'm just going to do my best to be seen everywhere. Why continue?

Speaker 3: 17:35

Well, desire just had me by the kahoonas. I could not. I could not. It was so instant. I was like, oh, this will be my life's work. I could feel it. It was almost an immediate thing because I'd already been on my version of the path, with a different set of language. I had already had a vision for my life that was like about liberating myself and liberating other people, and I was already on this path of like I care so deeply about truth and expression and I want to be around that as much as possible. It's kind of what led me to these places.

Speaker 3: 18:14

So I remember like leaving, and I remember the first thing I did was text this guy who I'd had like a long situation ship, like a guy that I'd one of the first guys I'd slept with as a young teenager and I like loved him so much and I so thought he was like my soulmate and we had this like long-term situation ship. And I remember getting out and just sending this text message all the things I desired. And I was on my way back home in the car and I was like just saying you know, I'm on my way home and I'd like to see you, and like these are all the things I desire. And so he was like he was like what? He? He didn't know what to do with me, but he, I remember just being like, okay, every there's, every opportunity is an opportunity to lead with my desire. And I'm going to like, on a personal note, I'm going to live and breathe this Cause. I felt it. I was like I have all this desire so I'm going to start putting it out into the world, I'm going to start asking for it and you know, looking back, it's quite an intense approach. My, my relationships with it is so much softer now and less sort of demanding and directive. But I was like out the gate, I was like, oh, here we go, life's begun.

Speaker 3: 19:32

So it was. It was a, it was an adventure from the beginning and it was part personal and it was part. I then started to. I talked about it everywhere and anywhere I could. My business was called fire up your desire. I started leading workshops, facilitating in person workshops. I started to coach people on desire, started to build my business. I went all around the world. You know, desire was the center of everything for me. It was like what do I want my life to look like? What do I want to create and how do I back the shit out of that and how do I create an ecosystem of other people backing the shit out of that. And I ended up going on to invest heavily in myself, and that's actually where I met both of you in that, on that journey, I I went really as far as I could. I went like all the way into following it and following it and following it and getting as much support and guidance as I could so I could be the best holder and I could get the best guidance in how to be well-equipped to be able to hold other people in this arena and it also, to be completely honest, at that time, my life looked quite different.

Speaker 3: 20:48

I was a charity CEO. I had a nonprofit that I ran and it was my. It was a big part of my life. I had told myself that I would do this forever. I had an organization in Haiti that we were responsible for like 50 young people's education all the way up to university level, which in Haiti is a very, very small percentage of people end up in university Like it's one, two, three percent. It's very, very low and we were, I think at that time we had five women that we had guided and funded through all the way through to educate, all the way through to university. So I had this life that I was really proud of this. I'd started this organization when I was 19, following my desire to Haiti which is a whole different story and I had stayed with it. I'd backed it. I'd created an organization, I had a team, I had a board, I had fundraising. I did fundraising all over the world. I did so much to keep this creation alive and I started to.

Speaker 3: 21:57

When I came into this work and I started to follow this other desire and I started to, I would I would describe it more as a personal liberation. I started to go on the journey of my sexual liberation. I started to feel this hunger to teach. I started to realize that that life that I had built was going to come to an end and it absolutely devastated me. I didn't know how to navigate something where I thought I'm going to do this forever. This is who I am. I identified with this thing and then this other thing came around that was more powerful, more true, and so it started to. The wheels started to come off on the old life and I had to very slowly let go of that old life and build this new one. So I'm really, I'm really like standing on the foundation of the courage it took to let that go. It was all very public as well.

Speaker 3: 23:01

So when you're running a nonprofit, you are the face, you are the fundraising face, and I remember sitting my like the closest thing I had to a boss at the time and sitting hands on and saying my soul wants something different.

Speaker 3: 23:17

There is going to be a time I don't do this anymore and I need to be honest with you about that. And when he asked me what I was going to be doing, I was like I'm going to be talking about sex on the internet. He was like what? But we have all your donors on the internet. And I was like I know, that's why I'm telling you I'm just as startled by this as you are. He's like Jesus Christ, what are we going to do with you? But it took us a couple of years to transition. But by the time I'd come all the way through, he was like I didn't get it. But once I saw you and I saw the way that you backed yourself and I saw the way that you made that transition. I did start to get. It Broke my heart that you walked away from this, but I could see that you were being true to yourself.

Speaker 1: 24:06

That must have felt really nice to be seen for him to finally be able to get it like miss, or really get what you were talking about.

Speaker 3: 24:13

Yeah, big up, martin, me and him used to get in the ring. Yeah, it was really nice. There was a lot of people that you know. At first it wasn't it. I got a lot of resistance and I lost a lot of people along the way in that transition, which really broke my heart, but I in the end came came to a place where the people that mattered got it.

Speaker 1: 24:40

That's a great thing that you're bringing that into the room, not great that it happened. It always feels crappy when we lose people, but it is important to note that when we do follow our desire, some relationships end right as part of it. It's just parts of the course or, as they say, par for the course. I want to kind of go back to something that you said earlier when you were talking about making these decisions so quickly. This is what I want to do. I'm going to follow desire, I'm going to follow my path and you kind of go rapid fire I think of machine gun speed sort of thing. But really part of the work, right, is to learn to slow down, like to slow down enough to meet ourselves so that we can move even faster, because for a big part of the work is just to even feel ourselves.

Speaker 1: 25:28

I mean, here you were nonprofit founder and all of a sudden you feel there's a change, there's a shift for you, and you had the courage to pause long enough to decide okay, I'm moving into something else. You were able to if I had to give it a word calibrate yourself to what was actually going on and what was actually true for you. Can you speak a little more about that, what calibration looks like for you now, because we know what it was like before. Before it was like this, is it? This is what I want you text that boy, the whole list, the laundry list of what's going to happen in the next five minutes, and to now be able to face your nonprofit and say, oh, by the way, this isn't my forever and now right, calibration for you, I'm assuming, in your life. Well, I know, but for our listeners, can we talk about what that looks like for you now?

Speaker 3: 26:22

Well, I think that desire is very relational. So like that experience, the slowing down and being like, okay, this one life needs to disintegrate and another one is getting created from the ashes of the old life. It sounds dramatic, but obviously it was a very slow process. It took me years. It took me so much longer than I wanted it to take because it was so relational. There were so many different people to consider in that transition and so many pieces of the puzzle that I needed to hold myself through. So I would say that now the calibration looks like I have so much more awareness of what it takes. There are still so many places where I under, under value or maybe I miss.

Speaker 3: 27:13

I sort of have time blindness sometimes with desire, because it is something that is a, it's a moving thing that you know it's happening to me right now, actually in my life. In a big way I, as of 24 hours ago, I've made a big decision to leave my, my home. That has been my home for three years and it it came in. It's been a many month process of feeling uncomfortable and something needed to change and I could feel the whispers, but it didn't clunk in until last night and so the clunks come in, and now I sit with the clunk and I'm like, oof, okay, that's extremely inconvenient. That is way sooner than I wanted this to be happening, but it's time to act. It's time to respond to that desire, but it's time to do it.

Speaker 3: 28:02

In a way, I'm a lot more honest with myself and experience with what my nervous system needs if I'm going to uproot something quite big. And it also has me think about who, who, what does my ecosystem need to look like to support me in changing something significant in my life? So I think I'm just, you know, more skin in the game. I've got more laps around the block and a better access to my voice to match the size of a desire to well, what kind of support am I going to need as I navigate this?

Speaker 3: 28:43

Like it, the calibration is, is I feel like I can see and understand desire, and it's many flashes and that sometimes it feels so good. Like in the last 24 hours since I felt this clunk come in, there's been like absolute ecstasy of like thank fucking God. And then the next breath I'm like, oh my God, I'm terrified. Like what do you mean? I'm going to leave in a 30 days, like I just like it, it, it, it's, it's multi-layered experience and I try to make, and I try to make room for all of it.

Speaker 1: 29:25

Brenda, did you see what she did there? Miss Olivia gave us like a million places to go. She just like dropped a few bombs. She just like boom, boom, boom, boom. She's a bomb dropper. She's a bomb dropper right now. She's like desire and time blindness. I said we can go there. Our nervous systems need, we could go there. What I need in my ecosystem, we could go there. Our upleveling voice, we could go there.

Speaker 2: 29:48

Or sit with the sit with the clunk. Desire is relational. I love these. I'm just so impressed at how you went slow through these transitions because I've personally spent a lot of time when I really got into desire blowing things up. I didn't know how to go slow. I think I was really at a point where I was so starving in my life and I'm so impressed and moved by how slow you did that, like when you said to your boss this is going to be and it took a few years. You know that it took a few. I'm like, oh, wow, years. I'm like they can two days.

Speaker 2: 30:30

But no, but you didn't blow it up. I think it's very easy to blow things up.

Speaker 3: 30:36

Well, I think that I have the kind of other side of that pattern playing out sometimes in me where I am like a very stubborn dog, you're like dragging me down the road, and I'm like that multi-year process was like me having my claws in the wall like screeching down, where, like I think that I actually blew up some relationships by it taking that long. So I think that there are like some pieces where I think that my capacity to be in the discomfort and not blow things up is there, but I do sometimes think when you take too long, you can also sabotage in a different direction, which I definitely think that, looking back, I definitely learned that in a big way in dragging it out.

Speaker 2: 31:26

That's really genius. I think both things are really true. Yeah, exactly, you can move too quickly. You can move too slowly, which is what I love about your story that you just shared about your home that this has been coming in slowly for you, and it landed just within 24 hours of recording this that you need to move, yep, and now it's time to act. That you could feel the clunk yes, can you say a little bit more about what that means, or what were you gonna say?

Speaker 3: 31:57

Well, I was gonna elaborate because if you think of it, like, okay, so the whisper we often use this language of the whisperer. I've heard you talk about this in the podcast, where you start hearing that voice of like. Like I could hear the voice and I think the kind of upskilled version of listening to that voice, because sometimes people don't even hear that voice. They're like I don't know what you're talking about. I can't really hear that voice. So for me, I can hear that voice and if I'm removing all judgment of myself and my process and what it takes for me to listen to it, there's always a process playing out. So I could hear the voice and it showed up every time I was in conflict with the apartment in some way. There's been like, lots of opportunities to be in conflict with living here. There's been lots of things that have gone wrong with the space itself. But I started to feel this desire to move, but I couldn't feel the clunk. So I felt like, mm, okay, I'm gonna have to move and that was the first sort of thing to get okay with Like, okay, I might have to let go of this, my beloved home. Like I started to be like my claws were pretty in tight with that and I was like you know what, after five or six months I started to feel relaxed, like, okay, I'm willing to let that go now. And then I started to feel that same thing happen around Paris, like, oh, do I wanna? Oh, is this about Paris? This is about the apartment, and I wasn't sure. So I was like I'm just going to keep sitting with that. And then I didn't know when, but I had a preference as to when, which is we haven't talked about this yet, but I'm holding this experience in Paris, something I've never done before. This beautiful luxury retreat is happening right down the road from where I live, and Catherine is coming and I had this whole thing planned and I was like I'm going to move after that. That would be ideal Because we'll just have a nice I need like a nice stable environment in the lead up to planning the event. This is a really big thing, like the biggest thing I'm going to do. And then so that was like in my head my preference. That would be nice, that would be easy, but that's not the case.

Speaker 3: 34:18

I felt very clearly yesterday wow, wow, by not going. Now I am, I have all this creative energy that is spent wrestling with this environment that is now out of alignment and it's actually really affecting my planning process, and this is about being the full, liberated woman. So I have to honor liberation here, which is to let go of the thing that isn't working. So so yeah, when I sit with it in the context of everything that I'm talking about right now and this, this body of work, it's all about liberation as a woman it makes sense that I would be given this kind of initiation and I do not know where I'm going. I didn't. I'm not like getting another apartment in Paris straight away. It's not like a. I haven't been shown that piece yet. I've just been told I need to leave by the voice, capital T, the voice.

Speaker 2: 35:20

Thank you for sharing all of that. What does that feel like? Because we very often talk about in the world of desire, sitting in the unknown, and it's. It really is a spot where you have one piece but you don't have the other piece, but you've already decided and you know it's happening. You've made this agreement with yourself. Can you, can you share a little bit about what that's like and how you work with yourself there?

Speaker 3: 35:52

I think for me, the colunck comes in when all the parts are on board and I can. And what I mean by that specifically is like up until a day ago, the desire didn't have a consequence just yet. I didn't. It didn't have that feeling of like the clear information that it's now Yesterday. Something happened, and I won't go into the details of what happened, but I felt this thing inside of me. I was like talking with Catherine on the phone actually, and we were going through. I was, we were preparing a communication to send regarding the situation that happened yesterday and by the end of the conversation, like the expression of what I needed to say.

Speaker 3: 36:49

So expression is really important for me, with desire, talking about what's coming up for me, I'm feeling something. I need to voice this, I need to. There's something I need to say. I might not say it's the other person, but I need to set somebody. So I started saying all these things that had been unsaid, and the time I'd said everything, it was crystal clear and I felt that feeling inside of my chest like oh, okay, it's time, and it was like a feeling of a dropping in. And then that moment, for me everything's changed. From that moment there's a sort of no going back clarity inside, and I'm always very sort of careful. I don't know how much control we have over this, but I'm very careful to not to make like. That moment for me doesn't usually come until I've gone through my process and all parts are on board, like I clearly was ready for that feeling Because I've been working on this opening and facing the discomfort of what's needed to change for quite some time. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1: 37:56

It makes sense. I just want to jump in because I am for our listeners. I want to kind of make some connections here. Olivia, doing a great job at describing this location, like when we haven't decided you're naming it, like when all parts are on board and what I would like to offer for our listeners. It's sort of like you want to make a decision but there's a part of you that's not ready to decide. Like you're not 100% about something. You're not a, b or c, like all plans feel as if they're shy of some form of information. Olivia, so generously like maybe it was, I'm not unclear which one of you said it, whether Olivia or Brenda, but somewhere here I heard and I'm like oh yeah, that's it. When we're deciding, we're sort of it was Brenda we're making an agreement with ourselves. Like we make a decision even if the other person doesn't know. It's sort of that's the come hell or high water.

Speaker 1: 38:50

This is I can see that this is next but before getting to that place where we can really put our flag in the round or our stamp on the mail, it's a place of sitting with and getting clear on what is the cost of not deciding, what is the cost to me of what is occurring. Olivia is calling it like sitting with it, but that's actually what's happening. It's where you begin to take inventory of everything that's occurring the pros, the cons, the place where you can speak, the place where you cannot speak, the place where you have a desire to move but you have some kind of as Olivia called it time blindness. Blindness where you don't know exactly where you're going. Next, you're checking in with your nervous system. Is there somewhere where you're not resourced and you need something else? You're checking in your ecosystem. Is there somebody that you need or somebody you need to let go of? You're checking with your voice.

Speaker 1: 39:47

Can I express this? Can I not express it? What part of me is afraid to say it? Has it fully landed in my body, where I feel complete with it? Or do I need to sit here with all this information and just be with the discomfort that I know all of this and still I'm unable to decide? Like these are some locations.

Speaker 1: 40:07

I hope that this is making it a little bit clearer for our listeners and all this can begin with just a whisper. That is what's so fascinating about being human that this can all start with just like a spark. I want to be really mindful of your time, Olivia, and I want to say thank you so much for sharing all the things that you've shared, and right now I'm going to kind of like pause our cab to talk about. All this is occurring and you still have a desire to create something, and that's something that's called ambrosia. I would love to bring that in in the location that I'd like to bring it into. This conversation is sort of how does it feel to juggle all of these things while also having the desire to create this luxury retreat? What does that look like for you, for your woman?

Speaker 3: 41:05

It feels like it's keeping me tethered to a higher vision. So, like here I am in the kind of practical, mundane of life I'm resourcing myself. I'm like, okay, I'm in the resource nature of like this needs to be handled. That needs to be handled. I need to. You know the sort of foundational questions coming up, and that's been the case for the last few months. I've been in that place where I'm like big life questions on the table. How am I gonna figure that out?

Speaker 3: 41:39

The retreat ambrosia is so the other side. It's like it's existing in the land of creation and not just like regular creation. This is audacious creation like this retreat is an audacious desire of mine that came around almost a whole year ago between me and one of my best women. Here. We sat there and we were like we could do something in Paris, like what would it be? And ambrosia just came in. We were like ambrosia, is this like feasting and decadence? And like, with this backdrop of Paris, like how could we offer something like truly like mind-blowing that would have a woman come and experience herself in Paris and she would remember that for the rest of her life? Like coming here and being offered something so generous and so loving and so thought, so thought through, like this sort of no-detail-spared kind of experience, like could we offer that? And it was outrageous to think about that during this year where I've been, you know, really, in the reconstruction of so much of my work and so much of my life, to be completely honest. So ambrosia is like it's keeping me connected to this higher vision, for you know what I'm gonna call a celebration the I've been leading programs for the last six years.

Speaker 3: 43:13

I've been coaching for seven I think could be five and six but the I've been, I've been leading like hundreds of women, beautiful women all over the world. I've held workshops in many places all over the world. I've done so much of the deep diving, we've done so much of that like traveling that happens online in these beautiful containers, and I, some of my clients, have been with me for five years, like I have been coaching them for five years and I've seen them through every evolution of what, who you become in a woman, as a woman in that time. And ambrosia was like the celebration. It's like it's something I would do and I would give myself, like I would be, like I've been doing this shit for five fucking years. I'm good. I want something to celebrate. I want to feel myself like I've done so much work already. I've gone to those places. I've excavated something inside of myself. I want to celebrate my journey. I want to feel something that is going to be inspiring for me that was so beautiful.

Speaker 1: 44:36

Just something coming up for you, brenda those of you that can't see her she's smiling.

Speaker 2: 44:41

I'm just so moved. I feel it when you're talking about all of that, olivia, and that went right into my heart. That's what I want to say. I just feel it right in my heart, celebrating what's possible. I love that. It's beautiful, thank you.

Speaker 1: 45:04

The part that really landed for me was, yes, celebrating the journey, but also a once in a lifetime experience where there is no detail spared, kind of an experience that you could actually solidify in your nervous system with like an experience. So often in personal growth, when we're thinking about target energy or something that you'd like to create, often we go back into our past. Potentially, where did you feel most empowered, you know, where did you feel like you were really on top of the world or where would you like to feel empowered? Where would you like to feel on top of the world, the world. And here we have ambrosia, providing a place to remember where you had an experience in your life where no detail was spared. That sounds really, really generous.

Speaker 3: 45:55

Yeah, like thank you for those reflections from both of you. It's really really nice for me to talk about this to bring it like more further out into the world. I'm really really grateful for the opportunity to chat about it because I I'm a coach, I guide people. Some people would call me their teacher and at the same time, one. I think a big part of my purpose on this planet is to create environments where people flourish and thrive and feel fully expressed, that kind of self-expression where you're quirky, weird, sexy self. That is a big part of who I am and so much of my work online. I've been thinking about how do I meet some of the desires. I have to bring this more into the life, the real life. And so Ambrosia was kind of born from this place of. I have this relationship to Paris.

Speaker 3: 47:04

Paris is one of the most magnificent cities in the entire world. The backdrop of Paris from the way that French culture. There's so much time and space in French culture to eat, to enjoy, to luxuriate in life, a luxurious life in Paris, it is the decadence of time, it is the beauty of how the city was designed, like the attention to detail here is baked in everywhere. So we have this. We have Paris itself, which is orange, is so magical. We then have the backdrop of this five-star hotel. I'm a real five-star hotel girl. I try, at least like once or twice a year, to go on some kind of a five-star experience, whether that's like a boutique hotel, somewhere which is my favorite, and give it to myself, get a suite somewhere, like, have that experience. I can't afford to stay in a five-star hotel all year round, but I have been able to afford to give that to myself on occasion, right? So this experience is in a five-star hotel. We have our own private suite.

Speaker 3: 48:14

We are going to have somebody is going to come and capture the women. We're going to have this beautiful photo shoot. There's going to be like all of these different experiences, from physical embodiment ceremonies to spas, like really having these women feel like. I've given Catherine the role of desire concierge because we want these women to be like if you could have anything in Paris, any experience like what do you want? Like let's hear from you. So, these women, you get this experience of having me and Catherine, I think, together with a sort of titanic, the titanic, the titanic of desire, of like what do you want? Like, let's give you the experience of bringing that fullness of your desire to somewhere like Paris. Let's have it meet Olivia's Paris. Let's have it meet Paris itself, and let's have it meet in the context of the experience that we've designed and let's see what's possible. For somebody Like I can't wait. This is going to be so fun and I feel really excited for anybody that chooses it.

Speaker 2: 49:26

I feel excited for whoever is going to choose it, to have both of you, catherine and Olivia. This is amazing. I think what really stood out to me also in all of that is remember it for the rest of your life. Yes, when you said that I'm 55. So when you said that I had flashes of these times in my life that are that memorable, that I did something so special and so changing, like it changed my life, that I will remember that for the rest of my life, like marks you. It changes who you are. When you said liberation is letting go of what isn't working and the space that you're creating, this audacious desire and how audacious it is for all these women to get to tell Catherine what it is that they want. It's like a whole new world, because when you let go of what's not working, what is possible is endless. That's right. That's right. I love it so much. That's right.

Speaker 3: 50:48

One other thing I wanted to say about this. There was a time for me, a few years ago I want to say it was like 2019. I was newly single. I was going through. I'd experienced a massive rock bottom, probably the rock bottom of all rock bottoms. My relationship had fallen apart. My parents' marriage had fallen apart. I'd moved to Lisbon. That hadn't worked out and I had to move home very quickly. I was broke Financially. Things had just completely fallen apart. I was in the very early stages of building my business. I did not have the ecosystem where I had moved and I completely collapsed.

Speaker 3: 51:37

I remember feeling like the humility of the bottom, the humility of, like some people have heard me tell the story of sitting with God in the garden. That was that summer where I went back to my parents' house while they were in the middle of this early stages of a very horrible divorce. I sat in the garden and I sat with. I call this like my moment of sitting with God and just turning towards something bigger than me and handing my problems over on a daily basis and to ask for guidance. I had been in that place for multiple months and this opportunity came up to go to this very luxurious four day retreats in Florence with some coaches at the time that I don't think I'd worked with either of them, but I knew one of them and I was like very drawn to her and I was kind of considering working with her. And this opportunity came up for like a six person experience at this penthouse, this beautiful penthouse in Florence, italy, and I'd never been to Florence and I remember the feeling of like fuck me, I cannot afford this, but I have to find a way to go and I'm not saying this to encourage anybody to do something like this when they really can't afford it. But I remember that feeling of being like I have been so broke and so in the gutter for months and I've been like sitting here cleaning things up and I was like I actually felt the clunk of truth come in of like I think I need to go and do this thing. I think this is the thing that's going to give me the inspiration and give me the wheels and like give me that thing that I need to remember, because just because I'm broke doesn't mean I've lost that thing. But sometimes we need a different environment to remember it again. And it was an almost kind of like instantaneous yes, but it took me a while to say yes and I ended up being able to like pay it off over quite a long period of time. So I was able to figure it out financially. And I remember going.

Speaker 3: 53:40

I remember having a glass of champagne on the first day with this one of these women that I'd met. I remember feeling like we had so much spaciousness in this retreat. It was like all this space was baked in to just kind of do nothing. I remember how. I remember the my room. I remember the coaching circles, I remember the other women and I just remember, like sitting on the balcony in Florence looking out over this, the beautiful river that runs through the city. It was July, it was gorgeous, it was really warm and I felt that feeling of it's all going to be okay. And you know what? It's not just going to be okay, it's going to be more than okay, because that, this thing inside of me that I'm, these other women are reflecting back to me and the courage of these women, the holders, to say we're going to do this audacious thing. I think it was called sex, soul and sovereignty.

Speaker 1: 54:28

It's the name of the retreat we're going to do this, we're just going to.

Speaker 3: 54:29

They were just like we're going to do this retreat. I was like all right, great. And you know, six of us said yes, like the gratitude for them for being the ones that planted the seeds so I could then go and have this experience and it can completely change the course of my business. Like it started the revival and I was hurting at the time I was, my heart was really broken and I'd been in some of the some of quite strong addiction patterns around my ex-partner at the time and I was kind of in that like three months into the grueling work of facing, you know, some of those, those parts and having an influx of love and femininity and luxury and not just like where we were staying. But the way that the thing was designed was exact thing that I needed.

Speaker 1: 55:30

Thank you so much for sharing that with us and giving us a view of part of your I, curiosity, creativity, part of the process like that had all the different ingredients that have led you to get to this place, where I also get to say yes, to be your concierge of desire for your ladies. I'm super excited to witness the women come in. I'm the most excited to see them on the other side. I think that's the juiciest part, and so I selfishly will say share that part that whenever I see people kind of coming out of the other side of something, it's just so beautiful to watch. Right, it's a new version of people kind of emerge. Yeah, that's the word that comes up for me. Yes, thank you so much for sharing all these pieces and parts. Is there anything that you want to say that you feel that you have not said?

Speaker 3: 56:32

I think the final thing I'd like to say is I just don't know how much this gets this gets said in the personal growth world, but I just I'm really here for a life of enjoyment and I want to be permission for that and other people. And it's not to say that we don't have to face hard things and sometimes, like I've shared some stories today of some of the hardest moments in my life, like some of the hardest decisions I've made, like what has felt like multiple divorces, times where I have felt crippling self-doubt and where I felt, you know, there's been so many times in my business where I didn't know if I could keep going. It's hard being an entrepreneur. It's hard creating and like and having the kahunas to back what we create. Right, I know that you probably both can relate to that and I'm sure, like every creator, every entrepreneur can create that Like. I think if we really knew what goes into this, we would never do it. We would like never say yes to this.

Speaker 3: 57:39

This is really really hard, but I've, like I've shared some of these stories and like to, to, to, to kind of keep it simple. I'm like we deserve to enjoy who we are and we deserve to enjoy our lives and I think that's so much of my. I have a wide range of what I enjoy. I love five-star luxury Right, and I also spent a large majority of my career in one of the countries in the world that struggles the most Like.

Speaker 3: 58:12

I've been in so many different types of environments and I I appreciate perspective and having range, and I do think that, despite there being so many different experiences, for us in the world, right where it is, the world isn't fair and the world isn't you know, I can sit here and say all of this with immense privilege I do still believe in my deepest heart that some of the most important work we do is about loving who we are, accepting who we are, expressing who we really are and ultimately, enjoying who we are, and I think that ultimately leads to lives that we actually enjoy. And so much of that comes from desire, because desire is the thing that has us actually create the lives that we deeply want. So thank you so much for having me. I feel so inspired after this conversation and I needed that today.

Speaker 2: 59:15

That is so gorgeous. Olivia, I love that. I have a question for you as we close out, because I'm nosy. I would like to know what is one of your audacious desires.

Speaker 3: 59:39

The first one that came into my mind immediately was my desire for the kind of partnership I want to build.

Speaker 3: 59:59

I have been in this process of admitting to myself how important it is to me to have a family, and I'm in this process right now of like really backing it. And, yeah, the most audacious thing is to be a mom and to back it and to not turn away from that and to really like embrace the process of what the journey is like to find that person that I will do that with. And I had this conversation last week with a couple of friends of mine who are my elder some friends of mine that are elders and they I called them my elders because they have been married for many, many decades and they are in their sixties and I was telling them this and they just sat there and gave me all of this beautiful wisdom in response about what it's like to be married and like have a family. And you know, they said to me oh, she said to me like you can't ever think this, you've got to go for it.

Speaker 2: 1:01:35

Thank you for that. It's absolutely beautiful. Also, shall it be an even better than you can possibly even imagine.

Speaker 3: 1:01:48

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:01:50

Thank you for being here with us, olivia, today. It was a beautiful treat.

Speaker 3: 1:01:56

Truly my pleasure.

Speaker 2: 1:02:05

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:02:09

It invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.