29 ~ The Alchemy of Desire with Dr. Stephanie

We are thrilled to bring you our second conversation with Dr. Stephanie, it's a standalone masterpiece. We reunite with Dr. Stephanie, whose background of trauma healing and spiritual wisdom paints a path for personal growth. As she shares her journey and anticipates her next quantum leap with an upcoming book, we explore the depth of Desire—not as mere whims but as a beacon to our authentic selves. Discover the power of Desire as a spiritual compass and how it can lead us out of the chaos of overproduction into the sanctuary of true creation, guided by the harmonious blend of our inner feminine and masculine energies.

This episode is a heartfelt invitation to peel back the layers of societal misconceptions about Desire and step into the vibrancy of life force energy that flows through us. Through personal stories of transformation and encounters with mentors, we learn about the spiral journey steered by the feminine and the profound shifts that arise when competition melts away in the face of community. Dr. Stephanie illuminates the intricate dance between vulnerability and self-compassion as we traverse the path from control to liberation, finding solace in the spaces where our truest Desires lie.

Close the chapter with us in a moment of reflection as we delve into the generative power of generosity and presence. Dr. Stephanie speaks about her Spinal Energy Flow meditation program, it's a practice that fosters intimacy and honesty from within.

This episode is a testament to the transformative potential of tuning into our Desires, understanding our primal needs, and embracing the synergy between self-awareness and generosity. As we navigate the flow of life force energy, we are reminded of the importance of staying true to ourselves and honoring the connections that reflect our deepest truths.

P.S. Check out Episode 21 if you want to hear more with Dr. Stephanie

Dr. Stephanie's links are below
www.instagram.com/drstephaniebridwell
www.drstephaniebridwell.com/who-is-dr-stephanie

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire as Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by Desire inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood, relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within.

Speaker 1: 0:32

I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine, and I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children. I've never been married. I spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired, and my path led me to explore Desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of Desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of Desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Hello, friends, listeners, thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. Today we have a special treat we have the lovely Dr Stephanie here for a second time. It's really exciting. We have done everything possible to make sure that today is as smooth as butter. Look at our texts and our power chords and all of the things.

Speaker 1: 1:53

If you listen to the old episode, you'll know why I'm saying that. If you did not, please by all means go check that one out. For now, let me step in a little bit here. I'm just going to read Dr Steph's about page. It's at hersefanybredwellcom and it's who is Dr Stephanie?

Speaker 1: 2:14

It says for three decades she has helped heal trauma, connect to the potential of the quantum field and grow the size and coherence of their nervous system. She considers herself a multi-dimensional embodiment artist. She's earned a doctorate degree in chiropractic and masters of science degree in clinical psych, as well as an expansive range of certifications in healing tech. She founded Yoga in the Flow, a studio that bridged mental health and body healing through yoga. She taught yoga and meditation internationally. She founded Magnolia Wellness, a hub for alternative healing in San Francisco for 15 years there's so much here. She founded Energy Flow Studio in Marin California in service to the embodied energetics of a new world. She developed the Trust, activation, trauma and Release and Reorganization Method and Book. She is the author of a quantum healing book to be released early or maybe it was released early 2023. So I guess it was released and no, not yet. Okay, she's checking. No, so it's not released yet, but it will be released. And she's currently teaching internationally through her online community as well as leading international retreats serving healing energy and the feminine.

Speaker 1: 3:36

We had the great pleasure of having her on already, where she really discussed the mechanics of the spine and desire and how it shows up in our spine. And please, if you're listening to this and if you're at all curious, definitely go check it out. Gorgeous transmission, so happy to have her here today. She is a friend, she is a fellow practitioner on the mat with desire and I am just an awe of her as a human, of all the things that she's been able to accomplish in this world in her life, how she leads, how she mothers, how she wives is that even a word? How somebody wives, how she friends. I love how I'm making all these words action words, but for me it is action words. Sometimes I'll receive a message from her just saying hey, I was really thinking about you, were thinking about you. You are on my mind and always land so beautifully in my heart and I want to say that just seeing her face gives me that same emotion. Welcome, dr Stephanie and Brenda, to today's episode.

Speaker 3: 4:46

Thank you, ladies, for having me today. You feel what I feel honored to be here.

Speaker 1: 4:54

Thank you.

Speaker 3: 4:55

Yes.

Speaker 1: 4:59

I just want to ask one if there's anything she would add.

Speaker 2: 5:03

You summed it up so beautifully, catherine. Hello everybody and welcome Stephanie. It's so good to have you back. I want to say that the episode that we had you on in case anybody's listening was episode 21. It's absolutely gorgeous. We had a lot of text out snafus and today we're just going to be smooth and clear and I'm really excited to have you here today. Thanks for coming back.

Speaker 1: 5:31

What comes up for you, stephanie, what I said? What comes up for you with everything that we've said?

Speaker 3: 5:38

Yeah Well, first I just want to say again, thank you so much for just holding this container and bringing this medicine through the beautiful way that you do. And you really, I just have seen you from the beginnings of this podcast until now and the way that you tend to this frequency is so authentic and so real and there's so much like, I guess just love that. You're like amplifying onto this thing that a lot of people don't even know exists really, which is desire. Or people associate desire with with sex, or associate desire with greed, or just have a lot of like, either no connection to desire or a negative experience with desire and negative self talk and belief systems around like how dare somebody have desire or go for it, you know, and so I don't know. Before we even talk about desire, I just wanted to give that reflection, because just watching the way that you tend to it like a, like you're tending to a newborn that is still a soul and doesn't realize it's a human with a personality and an ego, yet like, tending to that, like that is fucking genius and I'm just grateful to be here with you because that's the level of integrity you hold for this.

Speaker 3: 7:31

And then what came up for me when you were reading my bio, to be honest, was I can't believe the past. Like month I've been really trying to write my bio for my new website. Everything I've been writing I'm scrapping and I'm listening to what you said and I'm like, oh, I've already written it and it's already there and it's so beautiful. So that was the first thing that came up was like, oh my gosh, how often do we try to reinvent the wheel when the wheel is actually awesome already? What the fuck? So that's legit what I was thinking.

Speaker 3: 8:11

And then I think the next thing that really came up for me was this thing that I've sort of had a magnifying glass on recently, which is intellect, like serving intellect and then serving intuition and acrossroads in my life, which I sort of brushed upon a little bit in our other podcast, was this moment when I had achieved, like my top of the mountain I got a master's degree in psychology and chiropractic, doctorate and licensed and all these things and all this stuff and had a practice that was, like you know, about to be birthed, and the chiropractor I was working with, who was a man, got in my face and said you're never gonna make a change in the world through the nervous system, the way you're approaching it in front of everyone. And I saw myself as a top achiever, and so it was so embarrassing to be called out in that way when I thought I was like. I really thought I was the best and I fed that over and over by achieving things and getting accolades and, like you know, with my intellect, and. But what he said was you're not gonna achieve greatness by doing anything with your mind. He's like you're a woman with deep intuition and you need to get in your body and you need to find your feminine.

Speaker 3: 9:54

And he said that in front of everyone and it was amazing, because it was so humiliating and it was so liberating, like I finally freed that part of me. That was like please fucking see me, like this is all I'm playing, a game, and but you don't want to give up the game when you're playing the game and then somebody else see, like what's really there? You know you're afraid. I was afraid to be seen, you know, ultimately, as not being perfect, and but that was that moment and it was a turning point in my life where then I went on a journey, and in that journey was my reclamation of what desire really is.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Thank you so much for sharing that. Just want to let you know that I think you're tussling with the power cord. Whenever you hop it in, I can hear the ding-a-ding-a-ding. It's like Christmas. It's like ding-a-ling-a-ling it's Christmas. So just to give you that.

Speaker 3: 11:08

The power is actually going up, so I'm not gonna.

Speaker 1: 11:10

Oh great great, so we're there.

Speaker 1: 11:15

I'm so glad that you brought up the conversation that you had between you and your chiropractic teacher at that time, because that's actually one of the pieces that I still remember from the last episode that we recorded and you had stated at that time where he had said to you the same thing you're talking about, which is, oh, you're not really in your feminine, and I think that that is something that many women hear. Maybe not in that version, I think today's version the thing that most women probably hear you are too much in your masculine. So what I would love to ask you is what would you tell that version of you that heard that from this man saying to you hey, you're not in your feminine, aka you're too much in your masculine, it doesn't land well, it doesn't compute, there's no like immediate translation. It's as if at that moment, we pause and we're looking for the bodily translation of oh, what exactly is this person telling me, because it's not helpful. What would you say to that version of you with the knowledge that you have today?

Speaker 3: 12:23

Yeah, well, you reflected that so perfectly because that's exactly what I felt. I was like, you know, after the fall out of like feeling exposed and leaving. I was home and I was like now I'm fucked because I have no idea. Like I knew. I knew that was true, I knew that I was like overworking and overproducing and over achieving and over doing and forcing, you know, but I didn't know any other way and I remember feeling like I'm so screwed, like how dare he tell me to do this thing without telling me how to get there, how dare he give me a correction without giving me a connection, and I was pissed and I was sad and but then, all right, I'll tell you what you're asking. It's just a second, but I remember myself in this kind of like mouse, like way, like every now and then.

Speaker 3: 13:34

So what do you do to connect with your feminine? I just ask people. You know like, oh, I do art. If you just start painting, you're gonna find it.

Speaker 3: 13:48

And I just got all these like watered-down doses of what I was looking for, like, oh, wear skirts. Yeah, I was told, I was told to wear skirts. I asked all, I asked random people often, as often as I had the courage, wear skirts. When you wear skirts, like you're holding your feminine energy and your womb in between your thighs, I'm like, okay, so that was like a piece, but I'm like that wasn't it, that wasn't the thing I was ravenous for. And then, oh, do circular movements with your hips. If you do circular movements with your hips, you will find your feminine anyway. There was just like, and this was.

Speaker 3: 14:43

It wasn't like in a woman's group, you know, it wasn't like in a container of, like deep women, it was, you know, just asking chiropractic students and even like clients that would like come into the chiropractic school. When I was seeing clients there, I would just ask, you know, women that felt very feminine to me, these things, but it was all cloaked in procedure, without feeling, and so I still was like, oh, there's all these procedures, but I don't feel anything and I want to feel, I'm so hungry to feel, I'm hurting to feel. And then, so what I would? I say to myself right now, if I was speaking to her? I would, first of all it just makes me want to cry a lot right now on this podcast and so it's gonna feel and acknowledge that feels very tender, like that's.

Speaker 3: 15:45

All she wanted was someone to hold her. Really, I don't think she needed to be told anything. I think what she really needed was, like this version of me here, to just see her there, rigid and frozen and scared and defeated and empty, in a way that she really wants to be full and just hug her and then feel her pushing me away. And then hug her harder and feel her pushing me away and hug her deeper until, like, her skin starts to soften and her knees start to drop and she finally let's out like a big bellow of relief and then she cries with my arms and I continue to hold her and tell her she doesn't have to talk or say anything.

Speaker 3: 16:51

That's what she needs.

Speaker 1: 16:53

Let's make believe that you would have had that via the teacher or someone else, then what?

Speaker 3: 17:07

then I would have been curious how to hold myself to that standard. But I continuously fall to my knees, soften my skin, let the tears run from my eyes and feel in the moment and follow that, that thread, that line of direction. I would have studied that way of being and follow the dots.

Speaker 1: 17:54

I love that you said you would have done everything to be at that standard and let's see what has come up from Brenda. But in hearing this, I hope that our listeners can really see that this speech that were used sometimes around masculine and feminine right someone saying to us we are not in our feminine enough, we are too far into our masculine. And then when I, when I pressed you stuff, you were like, you know, rigid, frozen, scared, defeated, empty and really I think people are talking about going from a closed, armored state or potentially protected state to that, and then the opposite of that, being open and soft. I think it's such a disservice to the men in our lives when we say that it's masculine Because masculine. When I think of a healthy masculine right, we think of protector, we think of a leader, we think of someone who can provide structure and strength and power and backing. Yeah, brenda.

Speaker 2: 19:33

Hmm, I love this conversation and I love hearing that, stephanie, how you would go back and hold your former self and, yeah, it feels like you know these words that we're using masculine, feminine. It feels like we could say production, creation as well. You know you were in this. You said you were in overproduction, overworking, overdoing, and when I look at you now I see this. I'm gonna say feminine, but we could say this very feminine, creative feeling woman is who is in front of me today and you embody that so beautifully. You really do. And I am so curious and I'm sure our listeners are curious, because we you know, I was in that way too you know that overproduction kind of forcing, going, doing. How do you get from, how do you move from that place, that closed place? Because you were told that you were ready to hear it, you knew it was true, but then then what you know. So I am so curious if you could share with us how you went from that place to this creationista that you are now.

Speaker 3: 21:13

I wasn't, I wasn't ready to hear. I was I? Yeah, I think that I was. I was ready to die. I was like on my road to dying. I didn't, I wasn't ready to hear it and it was the most generous thing that that person could have ever done for me, because I needed to hear it. And, yeah, I just want to speak to that like any listener out there. If you ever had somebody that just took a risk on you, took a fucking risk in my end and was like you may hate me forever after this, you may demonize me forever, you may tell me this is all like I injured you or I did something wrong, but it's okay because I'm liberating your soul right now and I don't know if you, if anybody out there, or you girls, have had that it happened in your life. Like, just take a moment and just send some energy through the field to those people, some gratitude Cause it's not easy to be that person.

Speaker 1: 22:37

I think those teachers have definitely paved the way, those mentors have definitely paved the way, and one of the things that I'm talking about today I have so much gratitude for them and I'm pointing to the language that we have used has not really been helpful. I don't think in the. I mean, I had a similar experience. I kind of spun out when I received that information and was like you, going from teacher to teacher trying to figure out what does this mean. And so now that we're but you're so graciously our guest today and you've also lived this, it's like how beautiful would it be for us to talk about that version of you and how you got from there to here in your path to go into a more false your knees soften your skin, feel in the moment human, so I.

Speaker 3: 23:54

I, I peeled away from that skin like a snake shedding and I really did leave that skin behind. And I'll speak to what you're talking about, which is that language of what you say is too masculine. But actually that was just defense, as what I was releasing, right, it was like defense against the unknown, the mystery. So which is the feminine?

Speaker 1: 24:26

right.

Speaker 3: 24:27

So it was like defense against the unknown, the mystery, the wild ride, the fire, the alchemy, the innate power, the creativity, the birthing energy, the just wild ride of chaos. Like I think that we, that is the feminine, and then the thing that holds that back is the defense and that could get mistaken as being called masculine because that's the opposite of feminine. But it's actually not masculine, right. That's just defending against the feminine. So I hear you, mama, on that. Let's relanguage this shit, right, because the masculine is not those defended things. The masculine is fucking beautiful, wide open love and presence that respects that wild, beautiful thing. It doesn't try to stop it from being alive. So from there. So I went on a quest. I went on a quest and it was a quest off the path, off the path that I knew, the path of academia, the path of following leaders, the path of that was written and known. I went off of that path and got really. I just was curious and dissonant from the people that expected me to be a certain way on a certain path. Doing a certain thing and even like doing becoming a network chiropractor was really, really confronting for everyone around me, because they wanted me to do traditional chiropractic, where it would be just be like a no brainer and just easy. And I'm like no, I'm doing this thing, where I just do these really light touches to the spinal cord and it starts to unravel itself. And that unraveling teaches the brain how to self reflect and reorganize itself. And it doesn't need external forces to come in and override the innate intelligence that. All you have to do is touch the innate intelligence in the exact right places and it knows itself and it will recalibrate as itself. And everybody's like you are mad, like just do the easy thing, how are you gonna sell that to people? And so I feel like, just professionally, that was a really big like. I was left. I left the easy path. I left the linear path. I left what everyone wanted me to be doing and was like I'm on a pilgrimage of this quest and it was being led by the feminine, which I didn't totally know at that time. I was still kind of wounded from knowing that I wasn't exuding or living in a way that was feminine. So I was kind of carrying that wound inside but also not really intentionally knowing it. I left the linear path to go on the spiral journey which was the feminine. I didn't really know it until I started seeing it and seeing it and seeing it, which leads me to how I got no desire and use it as a compass. But it was like I did like a.

Speaker 3: 28:17

I started, I made the choice to become a network chiropractor and then I opened like a practice and then my practice was extremely successful. And then I was looking around and I was like, oh great, in some way, even though I went on this path of leading from this innate intelligence and not doing the linear thing, I still incorporated a lot of things that made my practice very overtly successful. But I was on top alone. That's how I felt. There was like a moment where I'm like I'm alone. Great, I alienated my peers through my competitiveness.

Speaker 3: 29:07

I wanted to like have the busiest practice I'm bragging about, like I'm bragging about how great I am, but I'm not really even bragging actually, cause I'm not owning it. I'm like covertly, passive, aggressively growing and telling people, which alienated my connection, which is what I didn't realize how much I longed for the connection until I got through competition. I got to the top and then I was like, oh, I don't want competition, I want connection. So that actually was like that was a masculine trait that I had to like kill. I had to be like, no, no, little competitive dude, you don't always get to compete. You get to sit down so that she can feel a connection in her heart and in her womb to every single person that she meets, including all of her peers.

Speaker 3: 30:07

And there was a paramount thing that actually happened I just remembered is that I took all of my marketing materials at that time and all of these, my systems and all these ways that I created that got me there and I shared them with like all the other doctors, like I shared everything and I was like, ah, here we are and I feel like that was one of the first is it communion?

Speaker 3: 30:39

One of the first moments where I dropped in to her on my own in this like profound way, and I still didn't totally know that, because I went on to like do priestess trainings and studied with feminine leaders and I did a pole dancing and S factor work with Sheila Kelly and worked with Mama Gina and worked with Perry and it's all these ways that I was still like seeking the thing that I already was actually there and yeah, and ultimately like actually working with you guys and with Perry and in that container was when I finally realized that I had been there and I didn't know it, and it was really the full descent, the full descent underneath everything letting all the everything that it has been constructed just finally, finally just fall off and trust that whatever is gonna come from the rebirth is the thing, and yeah. So I have some other things to say, but I feel like that's where you probably have some things you wanna chew on. That's chew, cook, cook, chew.

Speaker 1: 32:17

That's so funny. I have tons of things to chew on. Brenna, do you have anything burning, or can I take it?

Speaker 2: 32:26

Take it baby.

Speaker 1: 32:33

I wanna say I love how you've taken us through somewhat of an evolution right of how you became the person shedding the skin, falling to your knees, softening, being more in a feeling state. I love that story about you sharing your marketing materials with the other doctors. That's such a generous and gorgeous and loving and trusting, trusting, trusting. Trusting To be in a place where you're like, oh, there's dissonance here, yeah, you're out of harmony. And then to become harmonious, to do that act of kindness, to then all be sharing enriches and abundance. What a gorgeous mind set to embody, to land on, to feel it's okay Giving this and sharing this doesn't take away from what I have and what I've earned. That's I just wanna say that's so impressive I wanna for lack of a better word generous, nourishing, impressive, definitely connected, as you said.

Speaker 3: 33:49

It was absolutely profound Because it led to the deepest surrender. I was like what do I have? I don't have anything to hide now. It was like before I was hiding all of my secrets, my business secrets. They're all mine. I'm gonna rise to the top and you're all gonna respect me here. That's stupid, because there was like, I mean, there was respect and it was like really respect I didn't want. There was definitely respect and I would have had to be Oz for the rest of my life if I decided to say yes to that. I would have been like behind the curtain all the time and I felt it and I didn't have any model or role model or anyone to be like. Oh, this is what you know. It was like there was just something in there that was like me, holding this separate is toxic to me and as soon as I gave it away, it was like I just there was like nothing. I felt like that feeling like there's nothing to hide. I'm fully surrendered and full acceptance. What?

Speaker 1: 35:12

would you say thank you for going deeper in that direction. I love that analogy you did where you gave as far as Oz behind the curtain, oz being sort of the character that we look at for the strategy, the person that's pulling all the strings and we don't really see. We get to see the abracadabra or the magic, but we don't really see the mechanics behind it and it was causing separation and you know it's like there's a connection between the two of us was causing separation and you decided connection. Let me just share this. And then there's no separation. Let's see what comes of that. How does it look for you now? What does it look like for you now to be in this soft, no defense against? Like? How has it evolved for you when you think back to that version of you being told by that mentor this thing that definitely had you surrender, and now to today, 2024.

Speaker 3: 36:20

What was the actual question?

Speaker 1: 36:23

Has it changed? How has it changed? For you, I'm assuming it's changed in various, various ways. You're probably living a living embodiment. I don't know if you, I mean, do you feel like oh, of course, this is me now. Or is it like wow, this is me now?

Speaker 3: 36:42

It's definitely not wow anymore. I'm very comfortable as this, being that I am. Yeah, it started with that generosity and then I still am that generous because, even though it may seem like I'm being generous to others, it's actually way more generous to me, to my soul. My soul's like oh yay, everybody gets to relax and be and everybody gets to win, so I love that piece. And then it's not really a wow, it's more like like ah, it's more like the sound of like ah, here I am.

Speaker 3: 37:35

And it went from like that generosity and then it went to like the next pillar was like really, really valuing my friendships. Because the other thing that I realized in myself was that I took my friendships for granted and I didn't really feed them. I got fed but I wasn't intentionally feeding my friendships with just calling, like what you said actually at the beginning, where I'm just like, hey, I'm just thinking of you or you're just in my heart today, or whatever is honestly happening. To not just keep that to myself, but to actually let that ripple so they feel how much I love them and how much I appreciate them. And to just call, not because I'm like, hey, let's make a plan or some logistical thing, but to call and be like tell me what's going on for you today. I just want to know, I want to know you, and so that I feel like was the next sort of like dissent for me was like I really, now that I am more surrendered, I went from, like you know, I softened and then I became more generous and surrendered and then I was like, became more present, like I remember the day actually where my eyes I was started. I sat down for dinner and I felt like my eyes dropped into my eye sockets and I was looking at my friends across the table as if I never saw them before. It was so incredible, like it was like the first time I saw them, like looking and taking one another in, like this figure eight of like energy between our eyes and our bodies, and then I was like, wow, this, this presence is like this next pillar really of like this feminine journey for me. And so then I just that was a lot of work actually, because when I was working on becoming present for myself and with others and with all my clients, instead of like rushing through stuff, which I did sometimes before, it's very I don't know who else out here has practiced being present.

Speaker 3: 39:53

It's exhausting at first, isn't it? You just get really tired. You need a big nap after like being present, because your, your body, isn't used to that using that muscle, your mind is used to like this quick, like in and out, quick in and out, in and out, in and out of connection and presence. But when you're present with your whole body, it's like. I just want to tell all the people that are going on this path for the beginning, like, do it in small little bits and build the capacity in your nervous system to stay present in your body when you're uncomfortable, when you're mad, when you're feeling sexy, when you're feeling frustrated, whatever it is like. I think that the mind is like. The mind will turn off the faucet of energy for you because it's like oh, you can't handle that much presence and you kind of want that as a short term strategy because it'll blow out your nervous system if you're like, not ready.

Speaker 3: 40:57

But allowing your body, allowing yourself, to become more present in your body, is what builds the capacity to continue to be more present and then to continue to be more present. The capacity happens in the nervous system as you let your body be with sensations, and one of those sensations is desire. So, like, on the way to desire, all these things had to happen to open me to desire. But when I finally felt desire, I realized it's nothing that's external, it's nothing that's out there. Actually, those things out there may spark something, but the wick is inside of me, it's inside my womb, and so things outside may spark that within me, but my desire doesn't live out there somewhere. And all the things that I see. In fact, it's like it happened when I just started dialing back from all the things and dialing back all the layers, and then it wasn't in my head. It was like I had to continuously drop all the way down through my body, which was very challenging at first, like I really could connect and be present in my head, and then eventually my throat, and then I could really connect in my heart and then it just stopped and I just stayed there, present in my heart, and the journey from my heart all the way down to my womb was a long journey. It was a long journey of trusting and surrendering, trusting and surrendering and fighting it, and trusting and surrendering and fighting, and trusting and surrendering and fighting, and trusting and surrendering and fighting, but the inspiration to keep going was from the trusting and surrendering, because it felt so good to trust and surrender that eventually the fight got smaller and less angry and harsh, that I began to trust the surrender more than the resistance and eventually like dropped into my womb where, when I connect there, well, I'll give you my.

Speaker 3: 43:51

I have a language actually for like, how, like the life force, universal life force, intelligence is work through us. The way that I see it, the way I work with it, is there's like the primal life force and then there's like the emotional life force, which is energy, but it's also coded and coded with intelligence. So it's the intelligence of emotion with energy, the intelligence of, like our primal biology with energy, the intelligence of our mental landscape with energy, the intelligence of our soul as energy and the intelligence of our universal connection as energy. And so when I'm now at this point in my life, when I drop all the way in and I sit and I sit and I drop and I deep in and I sit and I sit and I drop and I deep in and I sit and I sit and I drop and I deep in, and I keep on going and I keep on asking myself is this it? And then I hear no, not yet.

Speaker 3: 44:59

I'm like, okay, sit and I'll sit and I'll go deeper. And then finally I'm like, oh, this is gotta be it, is this it? And then I got myself or whatever there's like, yeah, keep going. And then I just keep going and that's my process and I'm like, okay, is this it? Yeah, is this it? No, not yet. Is this it? No, not yet, this is it, this is it.

Speaker 3: 45:22

And then I get to the place where my system is like this is it. And then I'm like yes, and then I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm gonna hold like whatever it is, we'll like sort of like bubble up. I'm like, ooh, okay, that's like a primal desire, and so I'll just sit and like, let that feel the energy field that's created by being in coherence with that like deep, say, primal desire that you could be. Here's a couple of things I'll say. If it's like I need water, it sort of tells me I have a primal desire for water and my energy field for, like the primal life force, biological energy intelligence, is probably depleted Cause I'm asking for water. So it gives me like information about my energy field actually, and then I could actually answer that by getting a little water, and then you know on the next time that I'm connecting to my desire.

Speaker 3: 46:33

It may be like hmm, you just want to be touched until every pore opens and every hair on your body starts to tingle and shake and shimmer, and then I'm like that's also primal desire, but my energy state is much higher.

Speaker 3: 46:57

So it cues me in to like how much energy is circulating in, like my life force, or my emotional or my mental or my soul, or my universal life force field.

Speaker 3: 47:10

It could be, you know, if it's like emotion, like maybe I'm like, hmm, this desire to love on, then I'm like, then I really feel into like, oh, that's like a high level of emotional energy, with some spirit, with some soul. Or it could be like my mind right, there's a way that our mind, when our mind is resourced and energy rich, that our thoughts are just like metaphors of life and we're like creating this, like higher vision of our lives, from that desire. So there's like a range of I could also be having desire of thoughts that are not as awesome, and so that will indicate to me like, oh, your low, your resources are low in that life force energy of the mind right now. So just, I just wanted to say that desire can also be an indicator for the energy field inside of us and the energy field that we exude to the field all around us and between all of us.

Speaker 1: 48:35

Thank you so much for sharing that and such generosity and such in depth Like. I can really see how the version of you today takes all of these noticings right. It's not just what the body is telling you, it's not just that you're on your knees and you're soft and open, but you're also pausing to feel into. Am I there yet? Am I there yet? Am I hearing the purest sound of my desire? And then, from that place, oh, what is this desire? Reflecting of the other bodies, you know, my energy body, mental body, intellectual body, physical body, et cetera. It's really, really gorgeous.

Speaker 1: 49:10

There may be something that Brenda wants to chime in on here, but I want to back up a little bit for listeners and I want to say there's something that you said, dr Staff, when you were talking about your generosity. It was so beautiful and I just want to remind our listeners that this is a behavior of when we are in overflow. When we're in overflow and we're feeling that generosity and we're wanting to share whether it's our marketing tactics or share our love notes or how I was thinking of you it will never be at the detriment of ourself. We always want to be making sure that we are filling our tank, filling our tank, filling our tank and giving there, because then we can have that overflow. In addition, you also mentioned presence and have that capacity. It'll be very hard to reach those states without being an overflow. And with that I'm going to pass the mic to Brenda. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 50:03

Yeah, that's really beautiful. We actually have a whole episode on energy and how to track your energy, which is number 26. Just giving a little plug for that episode because it's really beautiful. Thank you, stephanie, this is absolutely gorgeous.

Speaker 2: 50:18

I just feel so happy to receive your transmission about desire and the different energy levels and how resourced we are. It's just absolutely beautiful the way you are. It's just beautiful the way you delivered that. Thank you so much, and I'm so appreciating your appreciation for the journey, because I'm someone who loves the journey and when you said it feels so good to trust and surrender, I feel like that's always a place where Catherine will say to me really, like that doesn't always feel so good, people don't really love to trust and surrender, but I do, and so I'm really appreciating when you're saying that.

Speaker 2: 51:04

You're saying you go around and you go around that again and I want to really stress that for our listeners because we were talking at the beginning how you went from like being an overproducer to this feminine embodied creator. And it's really by going through the cycles over and over again and working with your energy and being present and being resistant and fighting it and trusting and surrendering. We do this over and over again, and each time we build our capacity to be with it and we learn about ourselves along the way. And so thank you for giving such a beautiful transmission of that. And I am so curious, since you're talking about desires. I just was so turned on listening to you talk about your desires. What are some of your desires right now in your life, if you're willing to share?

Speaker 3: 52:26

I was solo. Before I do this, I scheduled myself a cruise to Capri. I just always felt this familiarity with that place. I've never been there, felt it in my body. Whenever I see or hear people talk about it I'm like, oh, I need to go there. I've seen it a couple of times. Not many people talk about Capri, but I've seen pictures of it and I'm like I need to go. So that's a current desire that is being fed and I'm going to be doing that in May. I might solo.

Speaker 3: 53:09

I've also been desiring a lot of just solo movement, and always solo movement in my dance, solo movement in my body connection, solo movement in my work, solo movement on my travel, because I want to serve me. I want to serve me more and I feel like you know, I think one of the wonderful things of the feminine is our generosity and our ability to mother and our ability to see all of the possible permeations and perspectives and ways that maybe something is a little bit off, coherently or energetically, and it's really kind of easy for me to go in and just adjust and adjust. But what I've also learned on my journey is how that takes me from trust in other people's path and my own. And so a big desire I actually have is just more time traveling on my own, serving me, serving my soul, serving myself yeah, in a different way than what I was talking about before. Before I was in service to my ego. Now I am want to be in service to my soul and that means, like this high desire of knowing, feeding, letting her lead and not giving myself away from her For moments. I go back to our relationship. So my relationship with myself is a desire, and another desire is just like be with my daughter as present as I can be in every breath. She's already 10. And I feel like I have been doing that and it's still she's already 10. Like, how is she 10 when I'm just watching her every moment? And yeah, just to be present.

Speaker 3: 56:09

More than that, to hear the desire in my relationship to love my partner by matching him. I don't want to do that. My desire is to stay honest with who I am and not just give context to that. I feel like my next gauntlet is to really see how my nervous system co-regulates with others, and maybe I don't want to co-regulate with that, and why not let others co-regulate with me when it's those circumstances, especially my relationship, it's like I find myself a lot like leaving the all the self love that I give myself, sort of like leaving that to be to match the tone when actually, like my partner is actually with me for the juice, he's with me for the sparkle, he's with me for the chaos, he's with me for the incredible love.

Speaker 3: 57:36

Yet when he's not getting that, his energy drops and then I drop to match that and I think that's like my next. My next quest is not doing that, serving the desire of highest self, staying as that and feeding my relationship from that place and trusting and surrendering that he's going to find his way there, like I don't have to drop to bring him there. He's going to find his way there by me staying in devotion to that. I feel like that's a desire that is there, it's like a soul desire and it's still a little baby that is needs to be fed, nourished and grown.

Speaker 2: 58:33

Thank you. Thank you for that, and so shall all of your desires be. It's really beautiful, stephanie. Thank you so much for saying that you have a desire to work on your relationship with yourself. It's just absolutely beautiful.

Speaker 2: 58:53

We hear about self-love and we talk about this on the podcast sometimes what it means to love yourself and this desire that you stated to nourish yourself and have solo time and then weaving that into your relationship, knowing that when you come to him as a fully honest person, with who you are, you're bringing your juice to him, which is what he's here for, and then you're happier too. It just makes so much sense. It makes so much sense, but it's so easy to forget. You know, I'm someone who forgets that as well. So thank you for sharing your desires, and that's one thing I this is my new favorite question that I love asking guests because, yeah, it's just such a juicy question.

Speaker 2: 59:45

I mean, we have a whole podcast about desire, so thank you for sharing it, because I think that when we share our desires in community, it brings everyone higher. I'm like, oh my God, I can want that. So I hope our listeners are leaving with oh yes, I desire a relationship with myself. That's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, thank you for that, and I believe that we are winding down, catherine. Is there anything that you would like to add? No, great, well, thank you, dr Stephanie. Can you tell our listeners how they can get in touch with you, and we'll also put it in the show notes.

Speaker 3: 1:00:31

Yes, you can find me in Marin County, california. You can get on my chiropractic tables, live. You could come to my quarterly events where I work with the nervous system and the energy field to cultivate more flow and ease in the body, more connection to presence and soul and your own individual magic. And then I have some courses online. I started a school called the School of Spinal Somatics which is holding these really deep teachings that are feminine led, but it's for anyone to come and it starts with how to heal yourself before you work with other people, which I think is missing in a lot of schools. That I've definitely all the schools I've been to so sort of like rewriting it from this feminine, embodied and informed place and a couple of other online offerings too. You can find them on Instagram or my website, drstefiniebridewellcom.

Speaker 2: 1:01:59

And we'll put all that, the show notes, for everybody. Thank you so much, dr Stephanie. It was such a pleasure, such a delight to have you as a guest today on the Desires Medicine podcast. Thank you, thank you for having me.

Speaker 3: 1:02:19

I wanted to add one more way to work with me is I created a guided meditation that is spine centered, called Spinal Energy Flow, and right now I'm teaching in there. Weekly. We've been moving through just one spinal bone at a time, which has been revolutionary, because our spine is our subconscious. It holds all of our subconscious. Stuff gets stuck in there and as the spine starts to open, we get all this insight and downloads of like stuff we're holding that we didn't even know was there and it just becomes purified and clarified for us. So right now we're on C6. I think, yeah, this week, this tomorrow is going to be we're on C7 and we're going to all the way down the spine, all the vertebra, and I'll tell you what it's surprised me, how amazing it is. And then once a month we do a themed class too, and it's only $33 a month at the time of this call.

Speaker 2: 1:03:20

You make it sound so sexy. You make the spine sound so sexy. Thank you so much, Stephanie.

Speaker 1: 1:03:33

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.