34 ~ How to Embrace Self-Love and Body Acceptance with Katie Henricks

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, with a flurry of unkind thoughts about your reflection?  Katie Henricks joins us to speak about self-love that defies the harsh inner critics. As a coach specializing in relationships, intimacy, and personal empowerment, Katie guides us through her own transformation and shares how we can foster a sense of worthiness that embraces every aspect of our bodies and selves. Her heartfelt advice unfolds a roadmap for listeners to celebrate their own journeys, inviting a deeper connection to the full, authentic expression of womanhood.

We often carry the weight of others' opinions, sometimes without even realizing it. This episode sheds light on how to lift that burden by establishing clear boundaries and reclaiming our personal identities. Katie and I delve into the tender stories of overcoming external judgments and finding resilience - a resilience that extends into the digital realm where 'block and delete' can be an act of powerful self-preservation. This conversation is an affirmation of the strength found in autonomy and the profound peace of cultivating a space where one's own voice is the loudest.

Wrap yourself in the warmth of feminine sensuality as we discuss the nourishing practices that help us remain grounded and joyful. From creating a sanctuary for rest to the radical act of financial self-care, we share our transformative self-care rituals that support a vibrant life. Katie's candid revelations about her coaching services offer a gateway for those seeking mentorship on this enriching path.

Join us for an episode that's not just about embracing self-love, but about living it—every single day.

Connect with Katie:
ENbody, Katie's new Body Image Rehab Program
Check out Katie's work

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood, relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within.

Speaker 1: 0:32

I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine, and I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children. I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate, as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire.

Speaker 2: 1:26

Welcome listeners and friends. This is Brenda. I'm here with my amazing co-host, catherine. Hey, catherine, hi, hi. We are so excited today to bring you such a wonderful treat. We have with us today the amazing Katie Henricks.

Speaker 2: 1:47

I'm going to tell you a little bit about Katie. I'm looking at her website. She is a Sherpa of healthier relationships and intimacy. She guides women who crave deeper sense of connection to themselves, others and I love this part ultimately to love. When I think of Katie, I think of 360 degrees of woman, because that's what you embody.

Speaker 2: 2:15

She is all over social media in the most beautiful of ways. She talks about loving her curvy body. She talks about loving her curvy body. She talks about having confidence as a woman. She also talks about boundaries and she's also talking about motherhood, healthy relationships, and then she's having the best time while she's doing it. And she's super sexy. And not only that, she's vulnerable and honest. She's so down to earth and relatable and I felt so inspired to do a series on self-love and body love. And how do we love ourselves as women? And when Catherine and I were sitting around talking about this desire, we were thinking who do we want to have on? And all of a sudden Katie's name popped up, so I want to say a very warm welcome to my friend Katie.

Speaker 3: 3:15

Welcome, Katie. Thank you for that absolutely gorgeous introduction.

Speaker 2: 3:21

I feel so special. Thank you, you're so welcome. We love to edify our guests, we love to pour love on them and share how we see you, and that's some little magic that we do on this podcast. So welcome. How does it feel to hear all of that?

Speaker 3: 3:38

Well, I feel honored. It's incredible, like I think, um, oh man, I am a different person than what I was 10 years ago, and being able to receive, you know, celebrations and brags and being poured, you know, warm honey over you is something I've practiced over the years, as I think I'm not the only one. So I just I fully received that. Thank you, and it's amazing to be witnessed like that.

Speaker 2: 4:12

Thank you. Thank you for receiving. It's also beautiful to see you receiving it and see your face light up. Our listeners can't see your face, but your face is lighting up, as you were hearing that, and I just love pouring onto you in that way because I just think you're absolutely amazing. So when I think of you, Katie, I just think of you're so welcome. You're so welcome, Catherine. Anything you want to add to that before we jump in?

Speaker 1: 4:38

Loved hearing you edify her. I love how you describe her as 360 degrees of woman and I would agree. I think Katie has a very special flavor and I really hope to give our listeners the experience of that. Hopefully, we really ask Katie some potent questions and really do our best to point that out. I don't think that this is something that all of us do well. I don't want to shame any women and say we're doing it badly. I think we're probably doing it better than any generation before us. I don't know if the generations before us had the ability to have the privilege to say to themselves hey, something's not working. Do I really love myself here? Or a version of that? And that's one of the many things that we're going to be diving into today. That's all I would add. Brenda, I'm really excited and today's episode is actually actually I can say a little more.

Speaker 1: 5:38

Today's episode is so near and dear to Brenda's heart. One of my joys of this topic is watching her get so lit up by women and women being in their power and women loving themselves. I said to her today it almost for me it feels like we're a little like in our younger women and she's like skipping in front of me and she's taller than I am, so this is kind of funny. I'm like running behind her trying to catch up, right, because she's just so lit by the project and we've been. We're on almost 30 episodes, I want to say. And so there have been many things that we talk about here on the Desires Medicine podcast that light her up, but nothing quite like this one. This one feels really special, so proud and excited to have Katie here as the first on the series, but really also have warm and fuzzies in my heart to see Brenda in all of this co-creating with me. So thank you, brenda, for saying yes, as always.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Thank you, catherine. Yeah, and this project is so near and dear to my heart. I'm so happy that you're here, katie, because you said just a few minutes ago you weren't this woman 10 years ago. I wasn't this woman 10 years ago, I wasn't even this woman, really, five years ago. And you know, I have clients and women and I feel it in my own lineage, this hating on ourselves, this hating on our bodies, and it's an epidemic, and I really wanted to have you on and talk about this because you bring it down to such a relatable level. So who were you 10 years ago, katie? Before you were this confident social media maven talking about body love and confidence, and you know, can you paint our listeners a picture of who you were in the past? I would love to.

Speaker 3: 7:34

Oh man yeah, yeah, cringe worthy and proudly owning that part of my life. Owning that part of my life, you know, I think I was really. I did not know who I was, nor did I feel like capable of of having healthy relationships. I think I was a very withered soul. My spirit was strong and, thank God, the universe loves, you know, stubborn, tenacious spirits, because I have one. But uh, I think, and the way I was going about life was from a very like victim standpoint. I was waiting. I had just come out of a relationship, my marriage of. We were together for 14 years and um, you know I don't throw the word around lightly, but if you've been in my sphere, you understand what, um, narcissism and sociopathy do to um, your psyche and being married to that Um, and then you know, the person I was when I emerged from that space was very rebellious.

Speaker 3: 8:47

I was very performative, I was very insecure and I think I did a good job of putting the facade up or the shell of confidence. But when someone really actually tried to make a go at penetrating that energy, I would like crumble, right, I just like, would crumble. And I think I, you know, I struggled with emotion regulation, I struggled with sobriety. I struggled with making healthy, confident choices in my career. I could not hold on to money to save my life and those were all a sign of you know the choices that we make in relationships. You know, I didn't know better at the time, but when I did man, there was a huge recovery period. I didn't know better at the time, but when I did man, there was a huge recovery period. And I think when I came, when I started on social media, I just was like I really love to post, like it's just very fun for me and look, I don't have a million followers, but it just was very fun for me and I was like I love creating content.

Speaker 3: 10:02

And then when I got certified to be a coach, because relationships just fascinated me, I was like why did I? Was really like my own demise, like my own relationship demise that led me into the work that I did, and my second relationship after my divorce that I was like, okay, something is going on with me. We need to figure this out because I made two really poor choices and I need to find out why I attracted that, why I accepted that and what is the disconnect between the person who I want to be and the person who I'm, the people who I'm choosing to connect with. You know, those, those people are a reflection of our inner worth and you know it's been a process like I mean, just like you. We've had amazing teachers over the years, one in particular, that's.

Speaker 3: 11:05

You know, I really got kind of down to just rock bottom with myself, you know, and found what was why? Why was I so performative? Where, where was the insecurity? What was that from? I've studied the shit out of myself and I, along the way, I've celebrated kind of all the different little milestones. And you know I don't, I think, as I've done that I've heard so many more women resonate with that journey that I was like oh, I guess I'm not the only one.

Speaker 3: 11:35

Oh, I guess I'll give them more of this. Oh, more women are coming into my sphere. Oh, now, I'm not a relationship coach for couples, I have no business doing that. I'm a woman's woman.

Speaker 3: 11:46

And to be able to own that space was like I didn't. That was terrifying for me to make that jump, but it allowed me to feel like I had kind of like hit home, like I had arrived at a place where I could share these parts of my journey and they didn't have to be perfect. They didn't have to be. I didn't have to be like have the perfect body or have the most money or have the perfect life, but I could just own where I was, right here right now.

Speaker 3: 12:17

And you know, people love that shit. People love that shit and I think that that exemplifies most women in the world is like we're all messy, we're all. We all have these parts of ourselves that aren't you know, that are fucked up and and swirled around and tangled and and all of that. And those are actually like the things that make us brilliant when we take ownership over them and just and show who we are. I, yeah, it's the medicine in it.

Speaker 3: 12:51

Right, it's like, um, now that I'm able to really like talk about my story without that victim mentality, now we've, now we can deliver the goods, um, but it took 10 years, you know. It took 10 years to be able to like, look someone in the eye and tell them who the fuck I am, and and to see other women and to like. This is a lot of sensation for me right now too. You know, like not a lot of women can sit here and like, like with two powerhouse women, and and and be present in it. You know so a lot of like emotion regulation, a lot of nervous system regulation also, and staying with myself every step of the way has been, you know, not easy, but the biggest commitment I've ever made.

Speaker 2: 13:45

That is so beautiful, katie, thank you for that. You dropped so many amazing bombs there. I'm like, wow, which directions should we go in? I mean, you really talked about some really beautiful things. I mean, you talked about being in rock bottom, which is, you know, we talk a lot about being in the down here and what that looks like, and it just feels like you were. You were down there. You talked a lot about not being perfect, which I saw on your website, and then you're also talking about celebrating milestones along the way. So I'm like, hmm, which direction should we go in? I really, okay, I know which question I want to ask you, because it's something that's really near and dear to my journey.

Speaker 2: 14:27

I think part of the epidemic of women hating themselves is this feeling like we need to be perfect. And you, you know you talked about being messy and being fucked up. Can you, can you talk a little bit more about that? Like, how do you, how do you, how do you, you know, dissect and distill and become messy go from this perfect idea to this messy idea for people, because I know so many women are out there trying to be perfect. I mean, I had, oh my God, I had such a perfection thing going on, so I would love to hear you talk about that more love to hear you talk about that more.

Speaker 3: 15:06

Yeah, you know I had trying to decide if I should just like confront the question with this specifics of where this all stems from. But you know, I just want to say, like moms have a huge influence and the lives of their kids and the way that your mom talks about her body or other women's bodies has a huge impact. And you know, the people pleasing in me was like, okay, all I'm hearing is that beautiful, tiny, anorexic ballerina bodies are like the, you know, the desired, um, like that super. I love this question. Like because it taught it speaks to like the incredibly rigid beauty standard that we have around the world. But like because we're Americans also, like in America, um and uh, america, and to hear that over and over again since you were a baby, that tiny little ballerina bodies are the only the preferred way to be. I'm just going to go with bodies here and I'm like, obviously this applies to every part of our life. But like I am like a thoroughbred woman.

Speaker 3: 16:26

I don't know if you can like see that, but I have got a tremendous amount of muscle. I'm very curvy, I'm very busty, I've got thick, strong legs. I've got some booty like, and I wasn't always this thick or this heavy. This is a particularly important and uncomfortable part of my life and even when I'm like the smallest I've ever been, I'm still like a thoroughbred. I am like, just, I will never achieve that like wavy, tiny look, and I think also, um and so like hearing the contrast between those things of oh, tiny bodies are what we always want to be. Let's all be skinny. Oh, I ate so much I feel like I'm as full as a tick. Oh, I shouldn't have eaten that.

Speaker 3: 17:14

And now I need to really go on that cleanse the next day, huge, restrictive kind of internal battle that I always heard the internal narrative of really imprinted on me right, like that I was wrong, there was something wrong with me, that I somehow was defective or I couldn't please the family image in that way and always felt like, like, in a way like a disappointment or embarrassment in some way or something that needed to be apologized for, even when I was my leanest and the leanest I've ever been is like 158 pounds and when I was training for my first marathon after I had had my son and and like to any other standard, that's like on the heavier end of things, but for me that was super lean and I think so that was like like the first kind of like messy thing about me was that my body could never fit into that rigid beauty standard.

Speaker 3: 18:32

And so I kind of like over the years I and this is kind of the roller coaster of the relationships that we have with our moms. I mean sometimes they're a little tumultuous Um, owning that messiness was a big fuck you, because, you know, all I've ever wanted to do is like prove that there was nothing wrong with me. I mean there's nothing right there. The truth is, there's nothing wrong with my body, nothing wrong with anyone's body. But really like diving into that story was was the biggest part of my recovery that I could muster at the time. Right and like that was.

Speaker 3: 19:19

And I think it gives women of all sizes and shapes and colors and ages and stages in their lives permission to not miss out on their lives because shit's a little messy, you know like. Or permission to go get that thing fixed. Go, you know, if you want to go get your boobs done or a labiaplasty or your Botox, whatever the hell you want to do with your body. That may not be within someone else's approval. That's what I teach women. It's just to own your choice. Own your choice. It's okay if no one else has to sign off on that.

Speaker 3: 20:04

But that's another thing with women is I feel like we always have to have someone else like sign off on the desire. We always have to have someone else to co sign on where we are, what we want to do and how we want to look in that like perfectionist state. And the truth is like, like you can, only I can see past people's presentational, like the performance element of it and how hard we try that. I kind of call bullshit on the women who do that with me because I will just like see right through it, you know. Yeah, I hope that answered your question. I kind of deviated a little.

Speaker 2: 20:46

No, it's absolutely gorgeous. It's just so beautiful. What's coming up for you, Catherine, right now? I?

Speaker 1: 20:52

think the biggest thing that is like a neon sign. Maybe it's because it's one of the last things you said, because you just said so many gorgeous things.

Speaker 1: 21:00

To be honest, just really exquisite in your response and your answer when you speak about what it took you to celebrate your milestones, when you speak about realizing oh, I get to just celebrate my journey, it doesn't have to be perfect, I just get to celebrate that. You just get to celebrate that. What was that like if you had to paint a picture? What did it mean? Like how was it? What was the experience like for either in your life or in your body, where you said to yourself you know what? I'm not clearly not fitting into the ballerina model. I love that you called it the ballerina waif. I'm pretty sure you meant like wafer, I don't fit the ballerina waif model and so, if there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just going to celebrate this. What was that piece like for you?

Speaker 3: 21:57

A relief. It also is, like you know, we know the term high optionality, Like you know, we know the term, high optionality.

Speaker 3: 22:06

It felt like I had more choices than just to be a victim of a very like that one perspective, but that other options of perspective were available to me.

Speaker 3: 22:19

I know that sounds a little like woo-woo, but I really was like, oh, like, I have been carrying around this belief that was not, is not even mine this is the thing that I teach my clients is like can we separate the beliefs that were handed down to us, that we have kind of unconsciously chosen to carry around on our backs?

Speaker 3: 22:39

And we may have thought that, oh, this is the way I think, feel or believe, but really it's like, oh, I inherited this and this is not actually me, right, because, like, I think that every, every person is like when we're fully in our worth, we're like, so, we're like as connected to God as we'll ever be Right.

Speaker 3: 23:00

And so if I'm, if I can, if I can separate any, if I can notice the moments that I have inherited, or that I am carrying around the beliefs that were handed down to me, from my sisters, from my mom, from my dad, my grandfather, who always, every time he saw me, he would say, oh, you know, even you know, the five wives that he had were all these teeny little tiny things, and so the the idea that I was just this like tall kind of stallion, I'm like very much like the Khloe Kardashian of the family is like like that's their problem. Like that's their problem, that's their issue. I don't have to carry that with me any fucking more. I can be a renegade in my own way. So, yeah, that was. It was relieving.

Speaker 1: 23:58

I love that you're saying that and I don't think you I'm going to celebrate you here, because I don't see the catapult. I don't think you can see the catapult that I'm pointing to. So I'm going to slow this chain down slightly and say, okay, there's a moment where you are living, like most of us live, for a long time. We need a cosigner, and the cosigner comes from the indoctrination or society, or all the granddads that are like oh my God, you lost weight. Granddaddies, or dry cleaners or restaurants right, everybody has something to say about how we look. Your hair looks great, your body da, da, da. It's as if we are just this walking Olympian and everybody has a card Today you are a four.

Speaker 1: 24:45

Today you are a 10. Today I am turned on. Today you are a, but they're not showing you the actual cards. But that's what their words right Reflect Like I am in approval, I am in disapproval, I am in. This is insert said, and then our own filter comes up with like I shit, I am a four here, fuck me. Or I am a 10 here, this is hot, there's something that happens. So I love that you're talking about. When you said oh, I have high optionality here. I get to just say this stallion, this, I am the Chloe of the family and that's great. How did you move from? Oh, I see these people giving me the cards. I see the judgment. I can feel the judgment in me and now I'm saying, actually, I don't judge this, I'm perfectly imperfect. This is where I'm at. I fully own me. What was that little like bump in the road?

Speaker 3: 25:45

or one word, yeah, one word boundaries. I developed boundaries with myself and one of the boundaries that I have is that other people's opinions of me are not my business. And it was. It was a step of, like, deeper commitment to myself, right, like that's a hard one, that's a real hard one. But I think I learned that from my ex husband.

Speaker 3: 26:10

You know, I mean I used to care so much what he, how he sized me up and he would come up behind me as I was doing dishes or like, and we were in bed together, and he would take, like the skin underneath my belly button, which I had practically none of. I mean I was a size underneath my belly button which I had practically none of. I mean I was a size like four or six, like I was super lean, not that that fucking matters but he would like take my skin and go, you put on a little weight and he would jiggle my belly fat. And you know it's just, it's a lack of emotional intelligence on a man's end, what? No, like that's not the way to do business, pal, you know. So I got rid of.

Speaker 3: 27:02

So it was a lot of that stuff that I had internalized over the years and when I started working with my therapist, it was really to disconnect from the internalization that I'd done over the years to accept or to believe that I was who I am in the in the through the opinions of other people, right, and so I had I have to like, think that work with him specifically because that had it was like the basic training that I needed for the rest of the world.

Speaker 3: 27:31

And what has created resilience, I think, is I have that belief deeply inside of me now is that haters on the internet, the trolls, you know, the people who are not my client, the women who will come into my DMs and be like you really have to wear lingerie online, right, it's just like block and delete because other people's opinions of me are not my fucking business, they just aren't. And it's harder to do with family members or people that you really care, you know, care about and love. But the most important relationship that I have is with me and I come first in that department.

Speaker 1: 28:08

So that was so gorgeous. Uh, you have been able to paint for our listeners, and of us is none of our business, and it's like this catchy snap, snap sort of phrase. But to actually see it in action, you really painted the picture showing us what this looks like. Oh, if I were to do it in slow motion here and just repeat for you with your permission, of course, but I think you can handle this piece. Husband comes over, jiggles a little bit.

Speaker 1: 28:58

We internalize oh shit, he's calling me fat or he does not approve. He has just put up his card that says not good enough. And in that moment we as women often internalize that as fact. And oh, this person does not approve of me. Versus the optionality that you spoke about is oh, he's letting me into his working model. He may not approve of this because that's something that's happening with him and it's actually not my business. It's as if he has just put his to-do list down, his opinion of this down somewhere, and I do not need to now pick it up. I get to say this is my boundary, I get it. Potentially, you do not approve.

Speaker 1: 29:48

Unfortunately, when we're in interactions with people, we cannot block and delete at that moment. But eventually you blocked and deleted. But on the internet, yes, somebody, I still. I have to say I still find it like I don't. I find it fascinating that people will take their time to go into somebody's dms or even comment and comment about I just don't. I say to myself, god bless that they have the time, just don't. I say to myself, god bless that they have the time. I don't even. I just I don't have words for that, not because I'm like wow the gall, it's more of like holy crap, you have time for that.

Speaker 3: 30:26

Well, these are people who are insomniacs and addicts in their own right, or terribly angry individuals. Um, incels, you know, these are people who I have no business worrying about and, yeah, I don't even say send them love and light or any of that shit, just hope you get the help you need, you know. Um, that's, if I were to be able to see those people in real life, it would be a pathetic scenario and I just have to remember that. Right, it doesn't mean, it doesn't hurt, like I had this. There's this very strange situation and it is so much harder with someone who is in real life. Right, Like if you're married to a man who does this, which some of my clients are, like that we work on boundaries a lot with my clients, but I think, like, if one person starts to change in a relationship, the whole dynamic is going to change, and this is usually what is kind of tips off the path to divorce or separation or breakup. Is like when a woman finally figures out, or a man, you know, but because I work with women, it's just this perspective. It's like when a woman really finds out that she's worth more. You know, you better, you better step up to the plate because shit's going to change, um, and yeah, um, it doesn't. So going back to like the internet thing, you know it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Speaker 3: 32:03

I had this really weird situation where I had um, I was just getting ready to run my half marathon this was like in 2017 and I was doing it with a friend and this person in front of me, this man in front of me, turns around and he goes Amy, and I was like no, and he goes are you Amy Harmon? And I go no, that's my sister. And he goes you sound exactly like her. I went to college with her and I was like that's so cool. I'm like I'm her little sister. My name is Katie, and I was like that's not her name anymore. She's married and you know that's not my name anymore. I got married. He was like oh well, I'm so and so, and like good luck, like happy half marathon.

Speaker 3: 32:42

And then, like three years later, he comes into my DMS I did not. I don't know how he found me on the internet comes into my dms saying that, um, this is why, like, stupid libtards are all getting fat, is because of idiots like you promoting obesity online. And, um, this is not sexy if you think this is sexy, you need to get help. Like all of this, just like projecting, just like it was clear. He was probably like under the influence or something.

Speaker 3: 33:18

But you know, I told my sister like this really weird thing happened to me one of your college friends, um, dm'd me this really horrible hate message. Like what was that about, you know? And it that fucking hurt, that hurt, but it's none of my business. I didn't respond, of course, and, you know, blocked and deleted. But studying that moment with myself was a real moment of resilience, because I do feel like if you're going to be authentic, if you're going to have a business around teaching women how to have self worth, you have to teach them how to have boundaries and resilience. Resilience is the thing that is going to keep you coming back to the commitment of your business over and over and over again and not running and hiding behind the bushes.

Speaker 3: 34:11

I could have easily taken that moment to say you know what he's right, I have no business being here. Obviously, people think I am a fat fraud and I should just disappear Right, which would have been a very sabotaging thing to do for myself at that stage in my business, and I chose not to do that. And now I know this is what's possible. This is what people do sometimes and you have to be ready for it and know what to do with it when it comes.

Speaker 1: 34:42

Wow, stunning Absolutely stunning.

Speaker 3: 34:44

It's a very fun part of it.

Speaker 1: 34:47

To really own your choice. To be resilient, be you in your boundaries, only take on what is your business and not allow anybody else to co-sign anymore. I don't need it.

Speaker 3: 35:02

Brenda no you don't. I got plenty of people that are like I'm on board, I fucking love it. I don't need yeah.

Speaker 2: 35:10

Right, yeah, I love that. Yeah, I love how you said you studied it. You did a self-study. That's so hot, like I really see you taking these experiences and using it. You know, studying it, what happened for you, and I also see you so beautifully and vulnerably acknowledging this hurt, you know, and then ultimately, you get to choose, not easy.

Speaker 2: 35:38

No, it's not easy. I think that's a really important piece to highlight because I think sometimes women see someone like you, or even all of us doing this work, and they think, oh, they are past the point where it hurts. They're just like rocking it all the time, but I think it still hurts. I think we just know how to go through the cycle. You know how to let it in, maybe feel the feelings and then, like you said, choose. This is not for me to take on, this is not mine. So I think it's like going through that process over and over is something really important. I'm so glad you highlighted that.

Speaker 3: 36:22

Yeah, yeah, and it takes time. You know, I DBT therapy has changed the way that I do life. I don't know if you all know DBT therapy, but it's brilliant. It was started by a woman named Marsha Linehan back in the 70s for people with borderline personality disorder and which is basically just a trauma response. Yeah, and so it teaches them life skills in the areas of mindfulness, distress, tolerance, interpersonal skills and emotion regulation.

Speaker 3: 36:51

And and one of the skills in um, emotion regulation, is the stop skill and it stands sorry, I'm like um, giving a lot of acronyms um, but the um, the stop skill, stands for stop, take a step back, observe what's happening and proceed mindfully. And so, anytime those moments happen where I struggle with PTSD so complex PTSD because of what I experienced in my marriage and post-divorce and the stop skill helps me learn to regulate my nervous system when moments like that happen, because it is very arresting, right, almost paralyzes you when you get comments like that, but sometimes it takes a week before you come back into the space again fully, or a day, because the stop skill gives you a moment of an opportunity to not create more chaos in your life but to come back into regulation so that you can. You can behave according to reality, not your trauma response, and so sometimes I've had to use that skill throughout, and it's been a game changer for me. Sometimes I've had to use that skill throughout and it's been a game changer for me.

Speaker 2: 38:17

That's really beautiful. Thank you for that. It brings up another question that I have for you, which is practices. Like you talked about the stop, which is so brilliant. I'm curious what else? What's another go-to practice that you have for yourself to, you know to, to combat these things or when something comes your way, like, how do you, how do you stay so juicy, like, what are, like, what are some of your practices in that way?

Speaker 3: 38:47

That's what I want to know. Yeah, how do you?

Speaker 2: 38:49

say because, yeah, because when you were talking also I'll give you a minute to think, because I also wanted to say was the haters that come in and talk about you and your lingerie? I'm like, damn girl, that is so hot. When I see you, you know, in your lingerie and owning it in that way, and other women who were teaching this work, I just find it so inspiring, just find it so inspiring and I think that's why we need to have these conversations and that is why I'm so passionate about having this discussion, because we need to have these conversations so much more and we need to spread this and hopefully people will be listening to this and be inspired. You know, on how you stay so juicy, so I would love to give our listeners a practice that you have that just helps you stay in it.

Speaker 3: 39:35

How do I stay so juicy? I love it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:38

Yeah, tell us.

Speaker 3: 39:44

You know, I think you'd be surprised at how simple it all really is. I don't have, and this is what I teach women, the women in. I have a program right now called Boudoir that we it's basically teaching women how to practice the art of feminine sensuality. I curate our bedroom space, really develop a creating a bed. Okay, so here's one of my practices is creating a sanctuary out of my bedroom.

Speaker 3: 40:10

My bedroom was a place where I endured a lot of verbal abuse for a very long time, and so when I, when I came out of that relationship, I swore I like, promised myself. I was like my bedroom gets to be a place of pure love. It gets to be a place where I rest, where I regenerate, where I connect, where I make love, where I have great sex, where I get to dress my body in beautiful clothes. I want it to smell good, I want it to be bright and for me to open the windows and have the air come in and just for it to feel delicious. Is it perfect all the time? No, I have Huck socks on one side of my bed right now. There's cords like. There's like cords and wires on one side. It's not always perfect, but every day I try to make my bed open my windows, open the blinds, make sure the window, the air is flowing through, get that good energy moving through, and I take good care of my body. You know, I think me putting on almost 100 pounds in like six years has been insane and so understanding that I coped with a tremendous amount of stress through numbing myself basically with food and alcohol. I did that for a while and so, being in the recovery space now, I get to like really treat my body well, and so I do get body work done. I get myofascial like scraping done, go to the chiropractor, get acupuncture, get good facials, massage.

Speaker 3: 41:52

I go to Korean spa at least once a month, which is, you know, yeah, it's just, it's so liberating and alchemizing to get undressed and just to be with. I like to go alone. It's like an anonymous thing for me, but I like to go and soak and I like to get my scrub and I like to just like bring a book and go up and go get you know, a tea or something, and that's something I get to do with myself to fill back, fill my tank back up. Um, what else? What else do I do?

Speaker 3: 42:26

You know, my relationship with money has changed over the years, and that is a huge part of being juicy. Can we just talk about that? Oh my God, I feel like I'll be in a different place in three or four years and but right now I'm just kind of coming into, um, you know, stefania Brandner does this uh with, uh with bank and piggy bank and um, uh, uh, financial intimacy practices and stuff like that, and I think, um, I've only kind of like poked around at her stuff. But financial intimacy is a huge part of being a juicy woman. Knowing that you're resourced, knowing that you are supported, that you are safe, that you have agency over your funds, is huge, and it's taken me a really long time to recover from that spot.

Speaker 3: 43:27

When I, uh, when I came out of the court systems, I was almost a quarter of a million dollars in debt because of legal fees. Yes, I'm not going to get into everything about why that happened, but it was astronomical amount of money that I had to prioritize before anything else. And once I was able to pay all of that off which I absolutely did I was in a rebuilding phase for several years after that and now I'm in the part of my life where I'm like let's fucking go, let's fuck around and find out. Let's start investing now. Now, let's have some fun and let's find out what that fun is, because it's not blowing it on expensive shoes or going on those quick little impulse buys on Amazon.

Speaker 3: 44:24

That's not it. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about having some real fun with investing and like what to do with your money and how to save it and how to build it and all of that. So that's kind of that's another juicy part. And also self pleasure, you know, I mean, I think that that's a huge part is having a connection to your body and being able to touch your pussy and to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and, you know, put your hands on your body. And every morning I wake up and I say good morning, katie, I love you, and it's like a little like a little gift I give myself every morning. Um, but do it, do it with like your roles, do it like, like, like, hold your tummy in your hands and be like I got you, you know, yeah, to be able to like see it, it's okay, it's alchemy.

Speaker 2: 45:17

I love this. Thank you so much. This is exactly what I was hoping you would share. Of course, you blew my mind. This is amazing. I mean, you're talking about setting up your bedroom really beautifully, like a sacred sanctuary for yourself. That is so gorgeous to do all the things. You're talking about taking really good care of your body, of your being, and investing in yourself in that way. And then you're talking about self-pleasure and loving your body, and I know that one like, oh yeah, I love you, I love you, belly, I love you. All the parts. These are choices. These are choices. All of these things that you're saying are a series of choices that you've made, and I keep hearing you coming back and choosing you, choosing you, choosing you over and over again, and I think that's a really magic, the magic sauce in a way you know.

Speaker 3: 46:18

It's like it is, it is, and I think that that that's a huge thing.

Speaker 3: 46:22

With women is like we're always kind of waiting, or I was always kind of waiting for someone to come and validate me, or someone to come and show me how worth it I was, or to someone to come and like be the love of my life. It's the whole like myth of the prince charming kind of thing. You know what I mean. And it's like that person hasn't come along and I'm okay if they never do come along, because at some point I was like, well, fuck it, I myself. You know I'll do it myself Because I know how to do this, I can control that and I'm going to boss up and take responsibility and claim me because it's not anyone else's job really to do that and so you know I can walk around in disapproval of the skin that I literally am in, or I can recognize myself as a divine human vessel that got the opportunity to live a human life and take my ego the fuck out of it and just go live a good life. You know women deserve that.

Speaker 2: 47:28

Oh yeah, they really do. And you paint such a beautiful picture on your Instagram and your Tik TOK. I just always picture you opening up your curtains in your bedroom. You know those scenes. You have so many videos like that where you're just opening up the curtains. Opening up the curtains. It's just so down to earth and relatable. And I also want to say congratulations on the money piece, because that is huge, like really congratulations. And I know I saw on your social media you're taking your son on a really big trip, you're. You're doing that. That is so great.

Speaker 3: 48:01

I literally you know it's crazy what. What can happen when you put your head down and you just continue to show up. Um, I think that luck is when preparation meets opportunity and it's. It's not easy to show up on social media. It feels like you're speaking into a void, like 95% of the time it doesn't it.

Speaker 2: 48:25

It does. But I also earlier in this episode you said that you love it. You love creating content. I do love it.

Speaker 3: 48:31

I love it. It's so fun. I love the editing part. I love the creativity. I love seeing myself evolve. I love showing cute clothes. I love hearing women say like I love your Amazon storefront, like we were over there, and you know, like I just love those kinds of like fun and feminine connections, because we love to have like fun things and connect over fashion and beauty and hair and all those really like feminine, ritualistic things, and so that part I really love.

Speaker 3: 49:01

But it can for the most part, like I don't know you get 200 views on a video and you're like flopped. I don't know you get 200 views on a video and you're like flopped. Or you really like put your heart and soul into you know some kind of caption and you know it gets two likes and you're like did they see it and did they not like it? Or did they not see it? And that's okay, like I. Just there's so much out of your control once you press, press, go or done or send or share or whatever. That. Even that practice that's the practice, by the way, that's a practice that keeps me juicy Is like, regardless of how many likes or comments or shares or whatever I get on this, the engagement and the validation that you think you need. Share it because you fucking love it. Just do it.

Speaker 3: 49:49

And then I had like four viral videos on TikTok within like a week and one that's up to like 700,000 views, which is literally like, in the grand scheme of things, is nothing. But for me, I was like, and within a week and a half I had over 300 submission forms in my inbox and like, those are the moments that hit, where you're like you hit the main line. All it had to take was like six years of practice to get the right message in front of the right audience. But you could, you know that was, that was what I, um, and I would not know what to do with that had I not had six years of practice.

Speaker 3: 50:34

I wouldn't know the backend of my business where to send them, how to schedule them, how to do exploratories, how to stand behind my pricing, how to talk about money with other women which is a whole other skill, Um, and then how to hold it, how to hold money and how to plan for it. And you know, especially as a single mom, you know, I, I, you have to be extra vigilant with your financial choices. And so, yeah, I'm taking my son to Maui and in a week to Maui in a week and I'm wearing a bikini and we're whale watching and we're going to luau's and we're swimming with the sea turtles and we're snorkeling and all that fun stuff. So I'm so excited. It's such a proud moment in my life that I'm just going to revel in it.

Speaker 2: 51:27

I feel it. Congratulations, it's just absolutely beautiful and congratulations on your business. Blowing up Like this is just all feeling so alive and so juicy and I just hear you continually showing up for yourself, just backing yourself, backing the fuck out of yourself and believing in yourself and choosing yourself over and over again. Yeah, it's really beautiful. It's only one person's job. Right, yeah, thank you for pointing that out. I think you've pointed that out really beautifully in this episode. Catherine, is there anything you want to add to this in this moment?

Speaker 1: 52:10

I do. I don't think I'm going to be able to get too far into it, but Katie has really laid down some groundbreaking things, I feel, in this episode. I'm such a generous guest. Thank you, katie, and for our listeners. Katie briefly spoke about you know, the troll that came into her inbox, that she knew and how she has boundaries with herself, and she stepped in and said you know what? I don't have to take this on and it hurt, and that's true, and I'd like to go in a little deeper with that and for our listeners, of course it's going to hurt.

Speaker 1: 52:46

We are connected beings, right, so we have impact on others. Others have impact on us. Ultimately, everything is relationship, relationship to self, relationship to others. And, yes, on this episode I have said wow, people walk around as if they have these cards and they're constantly rating us in one way or another. We have cards, we rate other people in one way or another. So, yeah, we rate other people in one way or another. So, yeah, we're humans, we have flesh, we have bones, we have hearts, and so there will be things that hurt us, there will be things that we do that hurt others, and Katie also mentioned, like her state, that there is a certain amount of PTSD.

Speaker 1: 53:22

She has gained a certain amount of weight over time and I want to kind of make a connection that to me also sounds very similar to when we have some form of chronic illness or we have something that we're just like. We have this. We live in a society that just wants to fix it right, like fix the weight, just be skinny, fix the disease, just don't have the chronic illness. You shouldn't. You know, if you have diabetes, you should just not eat sugar. There's all this like fix it, just this, as if we had this paintbrush that we could just paintbrush all the things that we don't like and voila, this other thing appears.

Speaker 1: 53:57

But before any of that can take place I know that people have heard this, I'm sure, in other healing spaces, and if not, hopefully you can hear me when I say this nothing will change without acceptance. And there is a place right, like what do we do when we have certain things about us that we may not be like, wow, this is ideal or this is amazing, but this is what is. And how do I love the skin I'm in? How do I love the health I'm in? How do I love the money story I have. How do I just love where I am Because this is what I have right, this is where I am, and I want to invite everyone that is potentially in any way shape or form walking around, as Katie said, with any form of disapproval, invite you to be in the reality of what is, start asking yourself how can, if this is my job, as Katie says, if it's nobody's job other than ours, how can I love this version of me here now, because this is my only job, before any change, any fix, any anything?

Speaker 1: 55:18

How can I love this version of me If it's chronic illness? How can I walk into that conversation with a medical doctor and, even though the doctor's telling me all the versions of which I'm going to die, how can I be okay with the moment that I'm living If I am the person that's looking in the mirror and I say to myself, oh, it should be X. How can I pause and say to myself it took something to get here? Can I honor all those different parts, all the different moments that happened in my life to get me here? What is the lesson? I really want to take this opportunity to just say we are perfectly imperfect humans and we're doing a fucking great job. You're doing a great job. You're doing a great job, and may every moment bring you closer and closer to a version of you that is out with. I want to say it again that is, without a shadow of a doubt, your proudest moment for being alive. That's what I want to share. Thank you, ladies, thank you, thank you for asking, brenda.

Speaker 2: 56:36

That was really beautiful. I love when Catherine channels these beautiful. It felt like a meditation. It was really beautiful.

Speaker 3: 56:44

Thank you, catherine, I feel hypnotized.

Speaker 2: 56:47

Right.

Speaker 3: 56:48

Being sucked into the spiraling. Yeah, it's really beautiful. Thank you, catherine. I feel hypnotized, right being sucked into the spiraling.

Speaker 2: 56:51

Yeah, it's really good. So we are winding down, even though I don't want to let you go. I'm going to ask you how people can connect with you in a minute, so we'll get to that. But what is there anything that you want to say that hasn't been said? That you're like oh, I just want to get this in and have people, have women, hear this. Go for it.

Speaker 3: 57:19

Yeah, you know, I think just the practice of neutrality has changed my life when it comes to my body image and transforming the opinions that I have of myself. I think it's quite an impossible leap to expect that women are to internalize this massive message that, like anything we do is really not ever going to be okay. Either we're going to be too big, too small, too, this too that too dark, too light, whatever Like we can't age well, we can't stay young well, we can't wear the right thing or wrong whatever.

Speaker 3: 58:03

And I think we go into adulthood you know teenage years or adulthood with these ideas that we have to be a certain way, we learn to hate ourselves, we learn to hate other women. Because of it. There's deep betrayal and all of that, and it's quite a leap to then all of a sudden get a message that you should love yourself, because most of us don't know what that means. And so, um, you know, I I think that that's also just setting a woman up for disaster and failure and, um and so giving her the skill of neutral language around her body. This is why I do mirror work with women. Um, which is the alchemy practice in the mirror, your naked body and we're just noticing, just noticing, you know, and giving women, women that skill in their toolbox, that tool in their toolbox, to then start the internal monologue of neutrality about their body, of neutrality about their body. Oh, these jeans are tight. Oh, my belly has a fold at the bottom. I have not felt that before. That's uncomfortable, or my chest feels strong today, right, without like. But these wrinkles in the middle here, that's not ever going to cut it Like no, we're sticking to the neutrality, we're staying committed to neutral language, and that is actually what builds self-love. So if I can get, if I can just give women the tool of neutral language, then we can use that as sort of building blocks.

Speaker 3: 59:45

And then all of a sudden you say you know what, I'm not so bad. And maybe a year later you say, several months later, you say I just kind of like that about myself. And several months later you say you know what, I'm pretty fucking great. And then a few months later you're like no, no one can mistreat me. I can't mistreat me. Like my safety, my wellbeing, my happiness comes first because I respect myself that much. Right, it has nothing to do with fitting into like the perfectionist box, but it's. It really is about learning to protect ourselves, learning to be in integrity with ourselves, practicing behaviors that build dignity and self-worth. Yeah, thank God for recovery programs, because I don't think I would have that.

Speaker 3: 1:00:39

Have this knowledge that has just yeah, and to say like I don't like myself at this weight. This feels bad, this, really, this is not me. I'm allowed to say that too, cause I feel like this is the last thing I'll say about that. But I think every woman needs to hear is that the body positivity movement really fucked me up because it gave me permission to stay in food addiction. Right, and and and.

Speaker 3: 1:01:04

Then there was like a part of me and it really did, and this has nothing to do with promoting obesity or any of that crap. Everyone go, do you, and, but for me personally, I it gave me permission to stay in addiction. It gave me permission to use food and alcohol as a crutch. It gave me permission to be lazy and not get my gorgeous ass in the gym, where I actually leave the gym feeling like I feel so strong and my serotonin levels are, you know, are steady and I'm sleeping better and I feel proud of myself and I can feel, um, my endurance, like hiking is more fun. I love being in the sunshine. These are things that I did not feel.

Speaker 3: 1:01:48

I was not happy when I was. I've lost like 25 pounds at this journey, but even just getting real with myself, like Catherine said, like just it's okay, just to say, like the thing you know and the thing is like this is not me and that's okay, and now I can do something about it. And if that means I can take something or see a doctor or nutritionist or make different choices and have that be a private practice of mine that no one needs to know about, I'm going to do that. That is how we get to self-love.

Speaker 2: 1:02:23

Really beautiful. Thank you, katie. Thank you for that gold that you dropped there at the end for us. That's really beautiful, and how can our listeners contact you? I'm sure they're going to want to.

Speaker 3: 1:02:37

Yeah, my website, which I'm going to redo, so take it with a grain of salt. It has everything, all the basics, there, but it is katiehenrickscoachingcom. You can fill out a submission form there and I will get back to you. You can purchase a one-on-one coaching session for an hour if you'd like to do that. That's also an option without a package. You can reach me at katiehcoaching on both Instagram and TikTok, and always feel free to slide into my DMs and connect with me there too and TikTok and always feel free to slide into my DMs and connect with me there too.

Speaker 2: 1:03:16

Thank you so much for your generosity and laying it all out for us today. It was such a pleasure and a treat to have you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 3: 1:03:21

The feeling is mutual. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 1:03:40

Thank you so much.