37 ~ How to Move From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion (Tool Box Edition)

Have you ever been critical of your body?  Your belly?  Your thighs?  Your skin?  We've been there, and we're here to share a self-love practice that has helped us
move away from self-judgment.

This episode offers a simple tool to help you transition from self-judgment to self-appreciation. We're not saying it's easy but it is simple. It's a raw, personal, practical exercise that will help you move the needle towards more self love. Prepare to learn how the simple act of observing yourself in a mirror can, in just fifteen minutes, pivot the way you perceive the person staring back at you.

The wisdom in this mini-episode extends beyond your body and into life's day-to-day moments, revealing how a simple practice can transform your experience of relating to your children or your morning coffee.

The path of self-love requires patience and the dedication to continuously show up for yourself. If you're ready to stop mindlessly judging yourself, go on a voyage of self-discovery and deep-rooted self-love, tune in, and let's walk this path together. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood, relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within.

Speaker 1: 0:32

I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine, and I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children. I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate, as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desire is Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire piece that is often overlooked, being responsible for our desire.

Speaker 2: 1:32

Welcome listeners and friends to Desire as Medicine podcast. I'm joined today by my wonderful co-host, catherine Hello.

Speaker 1: 1:36

Catherine, Hi Brenda.

Speaker 2: 1:38

So good to be here with you today for an episode of our toolbox edition. A toolbox edition are mini episodes with tools and practices to help you play with desire. We're in the middle of our self-love series right now, which is so amazing. You must check it out if you haven't yet. So in today's mini episode, we're going to be teaching you a practice to help you cultivate self-love. Have you ever judged yourself, your face, your belly, your thighs, your weight, your eyes? I know I have.

Speaker 2: 2:17

Every woman I speak to has some version of this. Wouldn't it be great if we could actually get off the hamster wheel of constant self-judgment? Today we will be teaching a practice to start shifting out of judgment and into acceptance of what is. What I want to say is that it's a really big jump to go from judging yourself to loving yourself, and we're talking about in the series. What does self-love even mean?

Speaker 2: 2:46

And what we wanna bring to you today in this practice is something in between judging and loving, because there is something in between. So we're going to teach you today how to slow down, stop judging yourself and when we take out the judgment and we actually can replace it with neutrality, and from neutrality, then we can begin to move to appreciation and love and confidence. So, to just slow it down a little bit, we're going to go from judgment to neutrality, to appreciation, and then confidence and love, and I want to say that this isn't linear. You might go through this cycle many, many times, maybe every day. It's a practice. It's not something where you ever necessarily arrive at. This is something that we work at and we practice every day, and that's what self-love is to me showing up for myself every day doing this practice, being devoted. So what you need for today's practice is a mirror, 15 minutes and yourself. Today's practice is a solo practice.

Speaker 1: 4:00

Today's practice is so good. Thank you, brenda, for setting that up. Yes, it's a big jump to go from right just judging ourselves to loving ourselves. So today we're going to move. We're going to engage in a practice that's going to move us from judgment to, hopefully, neutrality. And why are we even looking at this? We're constantly, let's be honest. We're constantly constantly looking at things and evaluating it. Do we like it at this? We're constantly, let's be honest, we're constantly, constantly looking at things and evaluating it. Do we like it? Do we not like it? That's part of just preferences, right? What is what is it that we like? What is it that we don't like? It's natural, and we're natural judgment machines. It's for our survival, survival, survival of the fittest right. Is this safe? Is it not safe? When it comes to our bodies, though, this practice of preferences and judgment has turned somewhat self-hating, and it's exhausting to constantly judge ourselves and it has more recently been passed down generations.

Speaker 1: 5:05

I don't know when or where it started, but I do see women desiring and willing to change this for their children. Brenda and I are hoping that this will help with that. Today's practice is just one practical step towards that change, moving from judgment to neutrality. Let's give an example. Let's say we see the most beautiful butterfly. Instead of saying I see the most beautiful butterfly to be less judgment and more neutral. I see an orange butterfly with big black spots. Or this painting is the worst piece of art I have ever seen of art I have ever seen. Moving from that judgment to I see a large gold frame with large strokes of red, blue and green across the middle. So those are a few life-size examples. But let's move to A body example.

Speaker 1: 6:01

My stomach is fat. Moving from that judgment of judging the stomach as something that is fat, ergo negative, to my stomach has skin that folds down over the next layer of skin. It's round and soft. Just moving ourselves from judgment to facts and a little bit more neutral than facts with judgment. We don't want facts with judgment. Another one would be I have a huge ugly pimple on my face. Moving from there to there's a red spot under my left cheek with puffy light, pink surrounding it.

Speaker 1: 6:39

Hopefully these examples give you an idea of what we mean when we go. We're moving from judgment to neutrality. It's sort of how can we just be with what is, how can we just be with what is factually happening or what is factual, without adding another layer of judgment? So today's practice, we're gonna give you a moment to think about you setting the mood. If you're listening to this and you want to pause, this would be a great time to pause, light a candle, play some soft music or do anything that helps you feel at ease and relaxed, potentially visualizing a warm light that surrounds you, that surrounds you feel into some gratitude for yourself for just showing up for today's practice and for actually doing this practice Such a beautiful point.

Speaker 2: 7:36

It's beautiful and loving to carve out time for yourself, especially something like this, which could be confronting, and that's okay if it is. That's why it's a practice and we come back to it. So today's practice that we're sharing is something you can come back to, maybe every day, maybe a few times a week, whatever works for you, but keep coming back to it. That's the invitation. So you're going to stand in front of the mirror, ideally a full body mirror, but whatever you have, we always work with what we have, allowing yourself to make eye contact with your reflection. This could be intimate. Take a few breaths to center yourself and look at yourself in the eyes, and you're going to start with the top of your body and go down to the bottom. So start with your hair and just take a look at your hair and see if you can say what is neutral about your hair.

Speaker 2: 8:54

So instead of saying something like, oh, my hair is too long, I really need a haircut, you might say my hair is below my shoulders and the curls in front are over my eyes. Instead of saying my hair looks greasy, you might might say it's shiny by the part. So you can see how you're shifting from the judgment to the neutrality. And then move to your skin. See what you can come up with to describe your skin in a neutral way. And then move to your eyes. Look at yourself in the eyes. How can you describe yourself, your eyes, neutrally? You could do one statement for each of these body parts and then, moving down to your mouth, what can you observe about your mouth? And then your shoulders and your arms and your breasts, your stomach, your hips your pussy, your pussy, your thighs, your calves, your feet.

Speaker 2: 10:47

It's okay. If you can't come up with something right away, you can pause, take an extra moment to think of something and then move on to the next body part and then, when you get to your feet, take another pause and you're going to close out your practice with some gratitude and self-reflection. So, first of all, thank yourself for taking the time to do this practice, for taking the time to be with yourself. You can actually look in the mirror and say thank you, brenda, and take a moment to reflect on how you feel after doing this exercise. Notice any shifts in your mood, in your confidence, your self-perception. Don't judge it. If it was difficult for you, be neutral about that as well. This was challenging. Instead, if this was terrible and I couldn't do it, that would be adding judgment. You could be neutral and say this was challenging for me.

Speaker 2: 12:01

And the biggest invitation that Catherine and I have for you today is to come back to this practice. Repeat it regularly. To this practice. Repeat it regularly. That's where we build the skill. If you were to put on all the equipment of a football player and run out on the field, you'd probably be falling over because the equipment is so heavy you couldn't even hold it. But if you put that equipment on every day you would be able to hold it and practice that over time. So come back to this practice. You're worth it.

Speaker 1: 12:36

So this practice of going from judgment to neutrality doesn't have to just be with the mirror, it doesn't have to just be a mirror practice. So an example would be my kids are making a huge mess too. My kids are playing with toys and there are pieces of different toys on the carpet. Or an example of having coffee and you say, ah, this coffee tastes terrible to this coffee tastes bitter and isn't sweet and isn't sweet. Basically, we're taking the judgment and the drama out of our experiences so that we are just left with what is. Let's remember self-love is a journey and a practice. When we say practice, we mean you have to come back to it regularly and this exercise is just one tool to help you along the way from judgment to neutrality. Do your best to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you continue to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and appreciation. Keep showing up for yourself. Thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1: 13:51

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.