44 ~ How to Unlock Hidden Truths for Deeper Connections (Tool Box Edition)

Unlock the hidden truths in your relationships and transform your connections through the powerful practice of withholds. In this episode of the Desire as Medicine podcast, hosted by Brenda and Catherine, we introduce you to a tool that can transform how you communicate with your loved ones.

Discover how unspoken thoughts and feelings can create emotional blockages, and learn how to release them for a more authentic and honest connection. Through a live demonstration, we guide each other—and you—through the steps of inviting a friend to participate by holding space for you to share your unspoken truths.

This is a practice to get the gunk out , so do not do it with the actual person or persons that you have been withholding truths from. Practice with someone who can hold space for you to share while remaining value neutral.

This practice allows you to share your unspoken truths (while checking in with your body's sensations) in a safe space and supportive environment.

We invite you to connect with the power of desire in your personal growth and relationships on a deeper level through our coaching services, which are designed to foster honesty, love, and deep intimacy. Whether you prefer one-to-one sessions or group settings, our coaching aims to harness the transformative power of desire for both personal and relational growth.

Stay connected with us through our social media handles, listed in the show notes, and join us on this journey of becoming your most authentic self. We can't wait to hear from you on the Desire as Medicine podcast.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Welcome to the Desire as Medicine podcast. I am here with my co-host, catherine. Hey Catherine, hey Brenda, so good to be here with you today for one of our newest episodes in our series of Toolbox Edition. One of my favorites Toolbox Editions are mini episodes with tools and practices to help you play with desire, and I'm so excited about this one because it's a topic that really touches my heart. Have you ever wanted to be more honest in your relationships? Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you actually were more honest with the people that you love? I have personally found that it begins with being honest with yourself, so today we're going to offer you a tool that will help you be more honest, first with yourself and then with others, maybe.

Speaker 2: 2:23

Right it is definitely a maybe.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Still a choice. People Still a choice, always. So today's practice is withholds. A withhold is something you have not said, like how honest are we with our desires, and by honest I mean do we actually share them? How honest are we with ourselves and others? Are we actually admitting to ourselves and to other people what we desire? Are we honest in our lives in general? Maybe you have a withhold you want to say, but you just don't dare because there's fear in the way, or maybe something else is in the way. Withholds literally block. Think of it like a bottleneck. It blocks your energy and it backs up your desires, as in it's literally pushing your desires back and keeping them further and further away from you. The idea is to be as honest as we can with ourselves and others, not by forcing it, just by practice, just mere practice, one truth at a time, and there's no perfect way of doing this.

Speaker 2: 3:35

One truth at a time. I love it, and it starts out slow. Okay, so we are going to give you a practice today. It's called withholds, and I'm going to describe the practice and then Catherine and I are going to demo it for you. So, first of all, you want to ask a friend would you like to do a practice with me? To be more honest, set a time with this person. We recommend about 15 minutes. You want to keep it really small and simple and short, so you're each going to get a turn, being the space holder and the one who. We recommend about 15 minutes. You wanna keep it really small and simple and short, so you're each going to get a turn, being the space holder and the one who speaks or withholds. So we're gonna demo this for you. So, katherine, yes.

Speaker 2: 4:19

Hello, I was going to go through the whole description of how to do it, but I think we're just going to embody it and we're just going to show everyone how it works. Okay, so the first thing you're going to do is ask your partner how they're feeling. Just a little, a short little check-in of body sensations before we start the practice of withholds. So, catherine, how are you feeling?

Speaker 1: 4:49

I have a little buzzing in my chest and my back feels a little tight.

Speaker 2: 4:55

Beautiful, thank you. Okay, are you ready for your withholds?

Speaker 1: 5:02

I'm ready and I'm scared.

Speaker 2: 5:05

Thank you, I'm going to set the timer for one minute, thank you. What do you want to say? I'm scared. Thank you, what do you want to say?

Speaker 1: 5:17

I'm uncertain.

Speaker 2: 5:19

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 1: 5:21

I trust myself, thank you. What do you?

Speaker 2: 5:23

want to say I trust myself, thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 1: 5:26

I trust you.

Speaker 2: 5:28

Thank you. What do you want to say? I feel held, thank you. What do you want to say? I feel loved, thank you. What do you want to say? I'm excited, thank you. What do you want to say? There's tons of uncertainty. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 5:50

What do you want to say? I feel okay, thank you.

Speaker 2: 5:53

What do you want to say? I love you, thank you. What do you want to say? I'm frustrated. Thank you, last one. What do you want to say? Thank?

Speaker 1: 6:04

you.

Speaker 2: 6:05

Thank you, and this completes your withholds. Yay, and how does your body feel now?

Speaker 1: 6:16

I feel like I can take a deeper breath and I feel more space in my back.

Speaker 2: 6:21

Beautiful Thank you. Thank you for honesty and now we can switch directions.

Speaker 1: 6:30

Okay, brenda, would you like to do a withhold practice with me?

Speaker 2: 6:37

I would love to do withhold practice with you.

Speaker 1: 6:40

I would love to do withhold practice with you. Okay, I will be asking you what you want to say. It's going to be a minute. I'm about to set the timer.

Speaker 2: 6:51

How are you feeling? In your body, I feel cold and tingly.

Speaker 1: 7:02

I have butterflies in my belly and a little tightness in my chest, so fun. Okay, deep breaths and starting the timer. Now, what do you want to say? I love you, thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:18

I want you to be well and healthy.

Speaker 1: 7:21

Thank you. What do you want to say? I don't want you to be well and healthy, thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:24

I don't want you to die.

Speaker 1: 7:25

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:28

I don't know what I would do without you.

Speaker 1: 7:30

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:33

I love how you speak your truth so beautifully.

Speaker 1: 7:38

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:41

When you are honest in that way, I am deeply moved and I'm I'm like inspired Wow, you could just be that honest.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 7:55

I get really annoyed when you interrupt me.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Thank you. What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 8:00

I don't like when you pull on my attention. Thank you, what do you want to say? I don't like when you pull on my attention thank you.

Speaker 1: 8:04

What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 8:07

I want to hug and kiss you so much more thank you, last one.

Speaker 1: 8:12

What do you want to say?

Speaker 2: 8:14

sometimes I don't know what to say thank you.

Speaker 1: 8:21

How are you feeling in your body?

Speaker 2: 8:25

I feel a lot more stillness in my body. Yeah, my, my heart is actually beating fast, but I feel more stillness and actually more grounded, like I could feel my tushy on the seat.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Yeah, I really love this practice and I want to tell the listeners is if you notice, with Catherine and I, in both directions, we just held good space for each other. We didn't interrupt. It wasn't a conversation, we didn't react, we didn't laugh, we didn't collude in any way. You're really holding space for the other person. You can't see us on video, but our faces were pretty still too, because the idea is that you want to be a grounded, powerful, neutral space holder for the other person so they can let out their withholds.

Speaker 1: 9:28

That's really true. I love that and just as kind of like a summary before we wrap this. It's like you get into consent with a friend about doing the withhold practice. We recommend asking or setting aside about 15 minutes. You can do it over the phone or, for Zoom, in person. Each person is going to take a turn to be the space holder, like one is going to speak, they're with holds. The other person holds and just says thank you. So just how Brenda asked me and she was holding space and she said thank you after every answer I gave, and the same happened in the reverse. We're checking in with our bodies before and after and then after it's over. It's just over. We don't like go into what came up for one another. The other thing I'd like to share is the things that we're saying. They're withholds, things we have not said. But it doesn't have to be things we haven't said to just one person. It could be things we haven't said to many people.

Speaker 2: 10:31

Yeah, that's great. I mean, in my example I had about three people I was talking to and also I want to bring out that that was the longest minute of my day so far. I mean it is a long time. So when we're explaining this practice to you and we're saying, set a timer for one minute, it's actually a long time and we purposely started with a minute and as you build up your muscle of this practice, you can go for two minutes or five minutes, but we really wanted to give you an intro level practice that you could just start right away, so you could just stay in range with yourself and then go about your day, see how you feel, and you could always try it again tomorrow. It's good to build up slowly.

Speaker 1: 11:15

Yes, it really is, and I'd also share that. You shared how many people you were speaking to and for me it's already out of sight, out of mind. I feel clearer, I feel like I could breathe more and I'm not even sure how many people I spoke to at that time. It's sort of like done.

Speaker 2: 11:34

Beautiful. I love that. I love that we always bring a different perspective. That's what I so appreciate about doing this podcast with you, Catherine. So much. All right, you want to take us out?

Speaker 1: 11:46

Yes, I'd love to, so. Thank you everyone who listened to this toolbox edition. We're closing out now. If you'd like to know more about us, please check out our bios for any links to either our own work or upcoming events that we're having, or you can just get in touch. We have been hosting these online events on the second Thursday of the month, called Desire Discovery Hour. We actually taught this practice at our March event and it was a hit. They enjoyed this exercise.

Speaker 1: 12:15

I'm going to just share some of the comments and takeaways. Someone wrote I'm leaving with a new way of being honest. Power is choice. What a great way to release, a new way to release. Leaving with a new way to speak my truths to myself. Leaving with a voice to speak my truth, and the best one. I loved this exercise, which is openly expressing how we are feeling about any and everything, and no one knows whom you are talking about. That's it. This exercise. That takeaway embodied the nature and the purpose of this exercise. It's to clear out your own body, clear out your own vessel. Just get it out and just make space for something even better. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please check out our links in the bio. We'd love to hear from you. Brenda and I both offer one-to-one and group coaching. We look forward to getting to know you.

Speaker 2: 13:23

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.