46 ~ How to Stay Committed to Your Desires Through Gratitude and Self-Compassion

Have you ever wondered why motivation seems to vanish when you need it the most? Today, we share how ongoing commitment can be your strongest ally to meet the struggle of waning motivation. Brenda and Catherine dive deep into the practice of recommitment, demonstrating through their own experiences that desire isn't just about logical steps—it's about truly listening to your needs in the moment and making the conscious choice to keep going, even when the going gets tough.

Gratitude is more than a fleeting feeling—it's a powerful tool in the pursuit of your desires. In this episode, we explore how acknowledging achievements and cultivating gratitude can create a richer, more fulfilling life. By focusing on the importance of self-compassion, self-love, and self-trust, we discuss how to stay committed even when faced with discomfort and setbacks. Transformative personal stories illustrate the necessity of confronting fears and seeking self-approval rather than external validation.

Ever felt like you're climbing a mountain with no end in sight? We break down practical techniques to help you stay committed, from desire pulls to energy accounting. We also share personal anecdotes on navigating the fears that often hinder progress, offering insights on how to create a safer space for yourself. 

We introduce our coaching services, inviting listeners to connect with us for deeper, more personalized guidance. Join us on this journey and discover how to pursue your desires with honesty, love, and deep intimacy.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome, welcome, friends, listeners, podcast family. I am here with my co-host, the lovely Brenda. Hey, brenda.

Speaker 2: 1:34

Hey, catherine, great to be here with you today.

Speaker 1: 1:42

Yes, I'm so happy you're here and that you were like a yes to talk to me today about the thing that's on my mind, which is desire and motivation. For background on this, we have been doing a Desire Discovery Hour event on the second Thursdays of the month and we get some interesting questions sometimes and this one sort of has been just marinating in me for a little bit, which is desire and motivation, because the reason why it's marinating is because I too was under the myth that I need motivation in order to get this thing that I desire, like why don't I have more power to back myself? Why don't I and this is definitely in different times of my life why can't I just get up in the morning and do that one thing, like the one thing method, or eat the frog or whatever other terminology we have in our society around helping us get to step up and take the action for our desire. And I have to say, listeners I hope I don't break anybody's hearts, but maybe today I'm the heartbreaker it does not exist. So motivation is like in the beginning, when we are feeling really juiced up about something, and it's like, yes, I want to do this and this is so exciting and you can see yourself having the big thing, whatever that is. Maybe you want to travel the world, or maybe you want to go up in a hard-ed balloon, something that seems so fun and so ready and then the minute it starts to get hard, yeah, it doesn't feel like so fun anymore. All of a sudden you're like maybe I didn't really want that thing and really I would say motivation. If we are only leaning on motivation, we will not get very far.

Speaker 1: 3:37

Motivation is not the thing that's going to put. It's not the fuel or the gas that fuels the car. It's not the fuel, the gas that it car. It's not the fuel, the gas, it's not the gas that fuels the body for you to be in action. The thing that's really going to fuel you to move forward is commitment.

Speaker 1: 3:56

And actually commitment is not really going to come in until you don't feel like it, when you're like, oh, you know what, I don't really need to do this, I don't really want that thing anymore. I am whatever. I have fear in front of me, or it's inconvenient, or I just don't feel like it, or I'm tired. Now All of the things will pop up and say I'm hungry or there's something else I want to do, and then you're like, oh, I'm just not motivated anymore and I would argue that we are just not recommitting. I can't even say committed anymore. It's not like the commitment goes away, it's that we forget that we have to commit to something over and over and over again, to, I want to say, exhaustion. What do you think, brenda?

Speaker 2: 4:51

Oh, my God, I love the way you said that it really is a recommitment to yourself For me. I say my desires every day, and so I know what I am moving towards in my life. So I know what I am moving towards in my life and I do get knocked out, I do get tired, I do get scared. Things don't always go the way that I want them to go. That's just not the way life works. There's nothing that you could do. Well, you could force and control, but we're not talking about that. We're really talking about following true desire and being with what's true. Um, that really requires me to recommit to myself and be with myself in all the locations. Um, you know, I I also want to say here I love that you said commitment, because I really also have learned to trust the process with following my desire and trusting the process and being committed to myself doesn't always look like doing the logical thing that you might think to follow your desire.

Speaker 2: 6:01

Sometimes, like you said, sometimes it just feels really hard and you're like, oh no, this is not happening. Well, no, that's not necessarily true. What do you need? What do you need right now in the process? Sometimes, if you're following your desires. Sometimes you just need to rest, sometimes you need to take a bath, sometimes you need to cry to a friend, so it doesn't always mean that you are, you know, marching forward towards this desire. That would be a very, I'll say, masculine way of following your desires, and committing to yourself is really asking yourself what do I need in this moment, what is true? And sometimes that is pausing and slowing down, and sometimes it's taking action, and sometimes it's taking action when you really, really don't want to. It's doing that really uncomfortable thing and stretching yourself, because having our desires is growing us into this new person who could have the thing, and that does require a stretch A thousand percent.

Speaker 1: 7:12

I think the key word here is the uncomfortable piece. Usually there is a hard thing that needs to be done in order for us to create this desire that we would like in our lives, because if it didn't require us to do anything different or be anything different, then we would just have what we want. There would be nothing in the way of having it. I have I can't remember which one of my mentors now, so I'm just going to quote it, and you know I'm not really giving credit, but I am saying that it's not originally mine which is you're sort of driving to the grocery store and you hit a red light. You don't say F it, I'm not going to go get groceries. You're just like oh, I'm on my way, I need the groceries, I will continue to travel there, and the red lights do not redirect you. You just continue on path, and sometimes with desires. One way that I like to look at it is if there's something you truly want in your life and what I mean by truly is that, no matter what happens, it doesn't take your eye off the prize Then you will continue to go there, and I encourage you to remind yourself that it is a matter of when, not if. It's not if will this happen. It's like, oh, it's just a matter of when it's going to happen. And the truth is that if we can say in that thinking, even if we don't receive it in this life, it's such a life well-lived, because the whole way it's like we're in the car on our way to the groceries and even if we died before we got to the grocery store, it's not a defeat, because the whole way through we're backing ourselves feet, because the whole way through we're backing ourselves attempting to do this thing, whatever that may be. Well, maybe not be doing something, but it might be achieving something, receiving something, gaining something. Maybe it means having a better relationship with one of your parents. Maybe it means healing generational trauma. Maybe it means being the kind of person that can self-regulate. Maybe it means having emotional sobriety. You know the bigger pieces that really require us to put in our time. I would say that what's really interesting.

Speaker 1: 9:36

I'm just going to share a snippet of my own life in regards to this is for sure. The things earlier in my life that I was looking for were like wealth, being debt-free, having good health, having healthy, loving relationships and, at the same time working towards a certain level of emotional sobriety and self-regulation. And the day that I was able to notice, oh wow, I have a lot more self-regulation than I would have ever imagined. At this time, it always felt like somewhat of a dream when I was able to notice and have the awareness like, oh, I actually have some of what I really wanted.

Speaker 1: 10:18

I couldn't believe it because I had taken so long. It was a gorgeous thing to see and feel. Believe it because I had taken so long, it was a gorgeous thing to see and feel. It's fairly recent that I've noticed this, but it's something that I've been working on for the longest time. I was raised in a very dysregulated home and when I discovered yoga, personal development, I must have been like 19. And granted, I'm 50 now, so like 30 years for me to be like oh, I'm here. And no part of me feels like, oh, it should have happened sooner, because I'm just so grateful that I have it, and that is something that I want to invite people.

Speaker 1: 11:03

No matter what it is that you want, even if you're thinking that it's never going to happen, go for it, because I promise you that when you have it, that's all that's going to matter that's a that's really beautiful, catherine.

Speaker 2: 11:22

Your reception for your own having of this desire feels so good and we do talk about that in episode five when we're talking about the desire cycle that part of having our desires is, of having it is the gratitude, and it's so easy to bypass that, so easy to just overlook all it took for us to get right here right now, because whatever you have in your life whether it's, you know, something tangible or something emotional relationships is something you once wanted, and so the beauty of slowing down and really being grateful for it, I think, is a really important one, because it opens us up to so much more. So thank you for demonstrating that beautiful reception about what you've had in your life and I was able to really feel that for myself as well about, you know, emotional sobriety and being regulated and things that I've been working on for many years, pieces that I actually do have now, and I really feel the benefits of this in my life. I feel how much more enriched I am in my life and in my relationships, specifically with my family. This has been things that I've been working on for many years. How easy it is for me to go in and out of my family now. I mean, how many people can really say that? I couldn't always say that. I used to get frustrated and irritated and I've really worked on that.

Speaker 2: 13:08

So, without going too much into that, I'm just your reception and slowing down really helped me tap into my own and because of that I am able to enjoy my relationships and my family so much more and lean in. And that came from my deep commitment to myself and sticking with myself. When it was messy and ugly and scary and I felt like I did it wrong or I didn't do it right or I hurt someone's feelings or whatever, I just messed up in some way. But I've just stayed with myself because, like you said, it's not always about having the thing. Yes, we're going for that thing because it's so much fun and we want this thing, but we may not ever get to the grocery store, right, but I'm going to keep trying.

Speaker 2: 14:07

I am going to keep backing myself and going to that grocery store because at the end of the day I really want to look in the mirror and say I did my best. I did my best. I'm backing myself here, I'm committed to myself and you know it doesn't always happen every day where it turns out the way I want. But I tried, you know, and I learned something along the way, and I think that's a really important piece. When it doesn't go your way is well, what am I overlooking? What truth is there for me to notice and hear? And how can I apply that? How can I apply that in my life now and then try that again tomorrow? And I always talk about this because this has been a big lesson for myself. Um is having compassion for yourself along the way, and that's how you build self-love and self-trust, and that's what I'm really after as I go through this process.

Speaker 1: 15:17

I love that Compassion, self-love, self-trust Definitely One of the things that popped into mind right now as we're chatting, especially since what we're talking about is desire and specifically the motivation to go after what we want, regardless of the discomfort, is, we keep saying it in different ways. We're just recommitting and the part that pops up is in that recommitment stay on course, because the more you play this game called life, the more you continue to go after the thing that you want, the more you continue to commit, the more opportunities you will have and the closer that you will get. I think when I think of motivation, I often see I definitely saw it in myself. I was guilty of this. I would be waiting for the inspiration to strike. I'm like I really want X, y or Z. Why don't I have X, y or Z? Why don't I feel like going for X, y or Z, waiting for that motivation, as if it's me going to Disney World or Disneyland or Six Flags.

Speaker 1: 16:31

I was hoping to have that level of excitement. That level of excitement. What's the word Enthusiasm? I just thought, oh, when you're backing yourself and you're going for desires, it's like that. It's like you're on a jet ski and no, sometimes it feels like I'm on a train on the platform and it's really not moving. It's not going anywhere, and so it requires commitment, it requires to stay on task, and I just really wanted to tell our listeners today if you're waiting for motivation, it's going to be a long time, and when we're waiting versus going for it, we're not learning how to recommit, we're not committing to begin with, we're not looking at all the opportunities, we're not lurking, learning from our, you know, potential mishaps or failures. It's, it's just not going to happen in the waiting room Like it happens in the commitment room.

Speaker 2: 17:36

The commitment room. I love it. I have a question for you, Catherine, because I was thinking about this for myself how, how do you recommit to yourself? Do you have a particular way that you do this?

Speaker 1: 17:52

Just verbal. I just in myself say I know I want this. What am I not doing? I know I want this. What am I not doing? Right, Like, what is it that I'm afraid of? Usually there's a fear we're not doing something because we're afraid. So maybe I don't know, I'm afraid if I do this I'm going to lose love. Let's just say people aren't going to like me potential and then I say, yeah, that's possible, Right, that people won't like me. But what's more important to me people liking me or me liking me and then I'm like, oh no, me liking me. Okay, I get to recommit to this thing, even though I thought that was the fear, Right. Or, oh, I'm going after this thing, Like that would be the best way for me to describe it. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2: 18:47

It does. It makes sense. Yeah, you're just verbally recommitting to yourself. For me, I do the same thing. I'm always having it in my mind, in my body what is it that I want? And I have a practice that I say my desires every day and that's one way that I commit to myself is staying, staying involved with my desire, like kind of like playing with it. And it's like my friend, it's like, oh, hey, I want you.

Speaker 2: 19:24

You know, and I want to also let our listeners know, that one of the things that we're doing on this podcast is we have these awesome toolbox edition episodes, which are all of these little practices that you can do to help you stay committed to yourself on the path of desire, to help you stay committed to yourself on the path of desire. So we've taught so many different episodes. We have desire polls, desire lists, withholds, energy accounting Catherine did an absolutely gorgeous meditation and these are all little practices that Catherine and I have done along the way that we want to share with you. So if you're having trouble staying in touch with your desire or staying quote motivated even though that doesn't exist, as we're learning there's practices that you can do to stay connected to yourself and your desire, and we're really excited to share those with you.

Speaker 1: 20:20

I just thought of something else that I've also heard from a different teacher. I want to say that it's possible that I've heard these things on different podcasts, and they're just one of the ways that I have heard desire or commitment in this. As we're talking about it now, desire and commitment spoken about is as if it's a mountain. You have to climb a mountain right, and it's as if you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up and you're going hmm, I know, I walked, I trailed this trail, I trekked the trail, et cetera. Here I am. That mountain looks too big, I'm going to turn around. No, you would start to climb right. It would be like one step, one step, one step at a time, because your goal is to get to the top, right To reach. But really, as you climb that mountain, you're strengthening your skill of the climb.

Speaker 1: 21:21

Likewise is how we go for desire. We are putting one step in front of the other, asking ourselves, or in this case, when I was saying oh, I'm afraid, what if I do this and I lose love? Okay, well, I am particularly more important in making sure that I have trust with myself. But let's make believe I have a different desire something that even right now there are desires that I have that I wouldn't even verbalize out loud and that I'm still afraid and chicken chicken and haven't gone for them. With those desires, it's less about committing to that desire, because there's commitment even though there's not real action.

Speaker 1: 22:02

What I'm working on is the fear level, like what am I afraid of and how do I lessen that fear to make it even possible for me to become like to get closer, to even step into the commitment ring? I also want to share that there's a layer, a level of desire. When you want something, they say the bigger something is that you want, the bigger the resistance, and so you're going to start to sort of manipulate that resistance at the level that you're at. So for me, with some desires, I'm still at the level of fear. I'm not even at the place of commitment yet, and so it's I would. I am currently working with some desires at that level, like, oh, how do I what's needed here? How could I feel safer here? What could I do for myself so that I could be in a better position to win and a better position to get to the place where I can commit to do the uncomfortable things?

Speaker 2: 23:07

Oh, my goodness, you just introduced such a juicy topic here. I love what you just brought into the room, which was the different. First of all, resistance is so real and it's really great to notice when we have resistance, because then we could just say oh, I'm in, resistance, great, great. One of my teachers used to say pleasure lies beyond that which we resist the most. And boy is that really true. But what I love that you brought into the room is the different kinds of desires that we have. So certain desires that you have, you're just still in fear. They're not at the level of commitment yet.

Speaker 1: 23:48

Not even close.

Speaker 2: 23:49

Not even close, baby. I mean that is beautiful and I'm really glad that you said that, because that's so much permission for our listeners. You know, because just because we have this podcast doesn't mean that we're like all right, baby, bring on the desire. You know, sometimes we are, but we work at all the levels and some desires are still really scary and I do have some desires also that I don't know how I'm going to have these things.

Speaker 1: 24:22

I want to share that. There's this Instagram account I think it's called New York City Secrets, something like that, and I just saw that they have this zip line thing that goes from here to Massachusetts.

Speaker 1: 24:36

And I saw it yes we're in New York and I saw it. I'm like, oh my God, that looks so fun. And then immediately the fear came in and said, how long is it? And then my mind said that'd be too long for my nervous system to be activated, worried about falling out of the sky, going down the zip line, and then it.

Speaker 1: 25:00

So I'm just using that as an example of sometimes we want things and we immediately know that we're afraid and that it's definitely not a thing. And then sometimes we have a desire. We also are like, hmm, I don't really know why I don't go for it. It's like, no, we're not going for it because there's fear. We may not know what fear is, but if we're not going for it, a lot of times I think even I at some point in my growth I would say, oh, I'm just being lazy. And then I realized nope, no, no, no. There's no bigger lazy than fear.

Speaker 1: 25:41

If I'm alive in my life in most areas, then it's safe to say that, oh, there must be some real deep fear here and there's something for me to learn about myself and really discover and get to a place where I am, as you say, in approval and acceptance. Right, those are layers that come before that commitment approval, acceptance of where I am approval, acceptance of what it's going to take. What uncomfortable steps is it going to take for me to get closer to actually committing and saying, yes, I'm ready to go for this, I'm ready to play it with desire at this level, with this particular thing that I'm wanting?

Speaker 2: 26:21

So beautiful. Lazy is just such a great way to be mean to yourself and just be so mean to yourself and we say, oh, we're either lazy or motivated, like that's the scale that we have, and we're just like blowing that out of the water with this episode. We're just talking about so much more that's possible with being with yourself wherever you are and you know, really sit with that. If you're calling yourself lazy, what is really going on for you? Maybe you're just scared, and that is okay.

Speaker 1: 26:59

Maybe you don't know how to have it, and that is okay, I've been very, very my internal dialogue very mean to myself.

Speaker 1: 27:11

I remember growing up I used to say something to myself like I mean, I've said this to myself I'm sure a thousand times. I don't even know how many thousands of thoughts we have a day, but I'm sure half of those thoughts used to say something like there's no room for failure. It was my life. I was so tight and I wanted to attain so many things and there were so many deadlines and it was just a really tough way to live. Something trusting that it's going to happen in this life and also trusting that it's possible that it doesn't happen and it doesn't change how I back myself, it just means that I continue to go for it and learn about myself along the way is such a more generous dance than there's no room for failure or other mean things that I've said to myself and I'm sure there are still mean things that I say that I don't hear yet because I can't imagine that that's all gone. It was just a big part of my programming.

Speaker 2: 28:17

Yeah, really beautiful, yeah. When we're mean to ourselves in that way, it's like it's tight, it's like the door is closed, there's nowhere to go. You know, and maybe that's a way that you keep yourself safe and protected, which is a really great method to stay safe. Let's face it, it's an adaptation that you keep yourself safe and protected, which is a really great method to stay safe. Let's face it, it's an adaptation that you've created in your life and it's really important to notice those things because we can gently remove those fears, those protections, as we learn to trust ourselves and we build the muscle of following desire and how to be with it. And trusting the process is, I think, a way more generative energy.

Speaker 2: 28:58

Building way to live Certainly makes life way more interesting because, let's face it, you may not ever get to the grocery store, you may not zip line from New York to Massachusetts, but you're living, you're backing yourself, you're looking in the mirror and you're saying I gave it my best shot and it's exhilarating. I think it's exciting, it's inspiring to live in that way, to back ourselves, to back ourselves. And if we're only looking at things as a success or failure, it's very limiting. But if we're looking at things on a larger scale of well, what experiences did I have, what adventures did I have? Who did I meet along the way? What did I learn? Today, it's a much more expansive way to live.

Speaker 1: 29:49

I love what you're pointing to. It reminds me of that phrase of I may not get it, but it won't be because I quit.

Speaker 2: 29:58

Yeah, baby, yeah. I mean, we hear all these amazing stories about people with no legs who learned to rock climb, and I saw a video about this old man who had polio and he lives in an iron lung and people feed him so he could breathe, and these and I watched these videos and people are so, they're so inspired to follow their dreams and desires. Just go for it. Just put one foot in front of the other and just try. Just ask yourself what baby step can I take today? Maybe it is just writing down your desire, maybe it's just sharing it with a friend. Maybe that's enough. What if that was enough?

Speaker 2: 30:50

I mean, we don't really live that way in this world. Society tells us that that's not enough. Oh no, you have to accomplish great things. You have to climb mountains and build buildings and write books. But is that true? I don't know. I don't know if it's true, and there will be and I'm sure there are to our listeners, beautiful things that you're accomplishing in be, and I'm sure there are, to our listeners, beautiful things that you're accomplishing in your life and beautiful desires that you are having and pursuing. And just keep doing that. Just keep doing it.

Speaker 1: 31:25

Yes, thank you so much, brenda, for that gorgeous invitation. Thank you so much, brenda, for that gorgeous invitation, and we definitely want to invite you, listeners, to think about that, that thing, or those things that you desire. Think about whether or not you have that roadblock of like I'm not motivated, I'm just lazy, or whatever that version is for you, and we invite you to take a baby step towards it and just continue to take more baby steps towards it, just one step after the next step, after the next step. And with that, I want to invite you listeners to please check out our links in the bio. Let us know how this episode landed for you. We really love hearing from you so much, probably more than you could ever imagine. Brenda and I also have group coaching and one-to-one coaching. If you'd like to know more about that, please reach out. Until next time, friends. Bye for now.

Speaker 2: 32:29

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 32:33

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.