Episode 24 - Weird Vibes & Wise Words

In this episode of 'The Magical Midlife Crisis,' hosts Meg and Court dig into the complex emotions surrounding rejection and fear, and how these feelings can be traced back to childhood experiences. 

Through personal stories, including a recent rejections faced by Court, and then Meg's conversation with her partner about being perceived as 'weird', they explore how these moments of vulnerability ultimately lead to growth and self-understanding. 

They also discuss the importance of self-acceptance and the power of reframing one's story to embrace authenticity and love over fear. 

Additionally, the episode covers topics such as the healing nature of expressing oneself, the significance of creating a positive living environment, and the hosts' plans for home gardening. 

Through candid conversations and reflections on their own journeys, Meg and Court highlight the continuous process of learning, self-discovery, and the importance of supporting each other through life's challenges.

00:36 Diving Deep into Rejection and Self-Growth

02:39 Navigating Relationships and Social Media Dynamics

03:30 Embracing Weirdness and Overcoming Fear

09:39 Childhood Memories and the Fear of Rejection

20:33 The Power of Self-Reflection and Emotional Growth

27:34 Creating a Healing and Grateful Living Space

31:39 Gardening, Organic Living, and Taking Control

37:25 Concluding Thoughts: Embracing Love Over Fear

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Transcript

0:02

and I like how you brought up how like you speak about your trauma in a positive way because Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about that and becoming supernatural that Be careful when you retell your story, you know, every time you retell your story, you don't want to be retelling it with the same trauma because you're just going to keep making yourself sick. So that's the most amazing part of the journey is that we're able to sit on here on a podcast and relive certain, um, childhood scenes or scenarios. And, um, some things come up as we're sitting here talking. You know, but through that inner work, we're able to process it differently. And it's like, I don't feel triggered right now. I don't feel like I'm back in that childhood space. I feel like I am a healed adult hugging myself. Like it's beautiful. This is the magical midlife crisis podcast, where your hosts, I'm court, a compassion activist, animal lover, nature, nut and entrepreneur in the mind, body, spirit connections. And I met a free thinker with a passion for non toxic living, a dedicated hockey mom and a multi business owner. We are a couple of friends who met through health and heartache. We discovered through our crisis moments, we all have magic within us. This podcast is about awakening to a different perspective and being the creators of our own reality. Every Sunday, you can expect an abundance of stories from all kinds of kinds in their different layers of awakening. We hope you expand your heart and minds and create the shift with us. So unplug from the matrix and tune in to this magical mystery ride. Beep, beep. Honk honk. Welcome back to the Magical Midlife Crisis. We have Meg here and Cora coming at you on this beautiful hump day. It's Wednesday. We love recording on hump day. Yeah. You know, the Humpty hump, the Humpty hump. So we were just talking. So sometimes we just kind of have an open conversations before we record. Oh, this is my, by the way, Meg speaking. So, yeah, we kind of just want to dive into a little bit about feeling rejected and kind of how. Rejection can stem from, of course, things in our childhood and how it portrays in our adulthood and kind of tackle a little bit into fears and how the thoughts of what people think of us can kind of definitely keep us limited on our journey and becoming our best selves. So, yeah. So what was the first thing that came up for you when I, cause like recently today I went through a rejection? This is court. Hey, um, Went through a rejection and turned to my, my best friend over here and told her, like, how I was moving through it. And I was really kind of witnessing myself, like, in this moment of growth. But when I was telling you, Meg, about it, like, what came to mind for you with, like, a recent rejection that you've witnessed yourself evolving through? Um, well, I wouldn't say, like, rejection, but I can, I mean, I get rejected all the time. Um, You know, some people just don't see the vision that I see, you know, and I'm trying to give people support in their health, health and lifestyle, you know, in the business that we're in deal with rejection and it's still all very new to me, but, um, I can move on it pretty fast, but it's more of the fears for me. It's just like, I'm really just trying to work through my fears and being authentic. And, um, And by fear, do you mean fear of possibly being rejected or do you not really like connect with the whole rejection thing? Just kind of like fears of like, I'll backtrack to a conversation that me and y'all had, you know, let's. So me and Joel also have a 17 year age gap between us and he's not on social media, he doesn't do any of it. He's on Instagram to follow Bernadoodles and tattoo artist. That's it. And, um, you know, me, I'm on all different platforms and I'm just trying to find my niche and what fits with me. And I use the platform as a space for me to feel comfortable in being creative. I just wanted people to see a, Hey, you know what, if she can act that way. And I get that from other people on social media, like, Oh my God, that person doesn't have any fear, just being out there and putting it out there. Then it encourages me. And for me, it, it makes me happy to be creative and use that part of my brain. And. But me and Jill were having this conversation a couple weeks ago and he was like, you know, you're weird, right? And yes, I know I'm weird, but I was like, what do you mean I'm weird? And he's like, you're just really fucking weird. And I'm like, and I was kind of like going, I'm like, I'm not weird because we're, we're all weird. Yeah. But I know I'm weird to a certain extreme, but You're definitely a special kind of weird. Yeah, I'm eccentric. That I love. I'm eccentric. That's nice. We're friends. It's, I'm so loud and vibrant and, but I still have a lot of fears that have been. Holding me back. So in the conversation, I was like, well, what do you mean? I'm weird. He goes, look at your Instagram. I'm like, what about my Instagram? And he goes, everything you post is fucking weird. And the old me would have like, it did crush my soul for a minute. Cause I felt embarrassment. I felt rejection. I felt shame. I like, For good minute, I crawled into a ball inside my body while I'm sitting there and I'm like, Oh my God, is he embarrassed of me? Does like, does that mean he doesn't love me the same? All these like thoughts rolled in with me. And instead of reacting, I sat there and I had a conversation with myself. Okay, Megan, how do you want to react? Which version, which version do you want to show up right now? Do you want to attack and defend, or do you want to just listen? And reply with like thinking before I speak and, um, and he actually even said he goes, Babe, like, I don't do social media. This isn't my world. And he goes, I just don't get it. That's what he said. He goes, I just don't get it. And for me, that was like, solidation. Like, And I said, I go, you don't have to get it. I go, this is my world. I go, this is something I do for me. You don't have to get it. And like, it was done and over with, you know, but it crushed my world for a second. And I was almost going to let that stop me from going on Tik TOK or Facebook or whatever. And sharing my journey, you know? And yeah, I fucking dance with my protein and do weird little things in my house when they're gone, because I have freedom just to really express myself in my home. And like, Not carrying my ring light around everywhere when they're home, you know, but it was like, it was just a really good conversation to have. Cause it was just like a fight didn't break out. Cause I would have been like, what the fuck you think I'm weird. You think I'm fucking whatever, like, what else do you think? You know, the thinking emotion loop, I have really mastering that foundation in my life and it's really helpful, but yeah, so I almost like let his comment And he's one of like my biggest supporters just in my happiness, you know, and I was almost gonna let his comment somebody that I'm in love with that I live with stop me and I'm going to continue to be on social media and be fucking weird. So, yeah, I when you first told me that I, I, I put myself in your position, and I really did. Think about all the things that you could have said in response that would not have helped at all with you Processing it and then thinking like what can I what can I really do here? To like continue to empower myself and he doesn't get it. And the way that he, the way that he said it, that's so him, you know, it's just kind of matter of fact, like you're weird, you're fucking weird. Like, that's just how he is. And for you to realize, and I've realized this too, a lot of my past relationships that I escalated a lot of the discussions that turned into arguments that turned into repetitive patterns. Over and over and over. And then I'd be like, this is never, this is the same fucking fight. That we have all the time, nothing's changed, and it's like, because I wasn't changing. So yeah, I was, I was really like, wow, you're, you're an evolution right there. Yeah, mastering your, your emotions. I mean, our emotions are powerful things. It's what we do with it can change the outcome of that situation. And I am tired of being the reason why things escalate. Because I'm was one always had to be in defense mechanism and my entire life, you know, and I showing up and growing up and I am not that person anymore, but like thoughts start to go through my head. Like if he thinks I'm weird, like how many other people are like when they see me, like they're thinking the same thing and it's, I have to remind myself very often that people's opinions of me are not my business. People's perceptions of me is not my business. I am just vibrating at a high frequency these days, most days, not every day, but I try. And I just want to do good in the world. So if you think I'm weird, I don't fucking care. I don't care. And. I have people that tell me, I have people that message me telling me like, Oh my God, I just, I love you. You're so cute. You're so funny. Like you make me laugh today or whatever. Like that's what I do it for. And if there are people out there that think I'm weird, I don't see you out there putting yourself out there on a platform. So I'm just on my self journey, just doing me in a hundred years, I'm going to be dead. So fuck it. So yeah. Talking about rejection. What, what comes to your mind in that aspect? I literally had to pull a blanket over me because when I get nervous, I get cold and like my whole body just like starts shivering and shaking, which I used to think was anxiety, but it's just like energy that's ready to be released. And I, I think I know at least one of the situations that happened when I was little, little younger, that started the whole fear of rejection. And so I think I was like, I don't know, nine or 10 around that age. And I don't remember the whole event. I just remember a snippet, but I was in the living room with my dad. And our shit was always in the way. Like there was all three kids, me and my two brothers. And then like my mom had a whole daycare center in our house when I was growing up. So it was like between three and 11 other kids when shit was everywhere. And I'm sure somebody shit was in the middle of the room and my dad would kick it like, you know, away. And he, he said this, I never even wanted to have kids anyway. Okay. And the young kid that I was, I was shocked that I heard my dad say he never wanted kids because he has two kids from a previous marriage, then us three. And then I found out, I don't know, a few years ago that he has another child between the two marriages. So that just, It just made me so sad and rejected I didn't even know probably what that word meant at that time, but I'm sure he said it out of frustration and I'm sure he meant it like any parent means anything out of frustration. They just, you know, say things without thinking about who's going to hear it or what they're going to feel like because he's, he was frustrated, but I took it in that in a child's eyes didn't matter. Yeah, yeah, it's hard going back and reliving that but I know that I do and I know that he thinks that I do even if he doesn't say it, I know I know he thinks it and Like the whole inner child thing. I know that as an adult I get to be who I wanted so like console me and comfort me then Because he couldn't, because he never was, so he didn't know how to. He grew up in a really terrible, terrible home. So, he was doing 8, 000 times better than his parents. And, now I get to, I know, I've learned enough, where I can, be that comforting parent to that little girl that's stuck inside me. And the feeling of rejection that we go through as adults, it triggers that. It triggers whatever that was that happened and some people don't know what it was. That happened when they were kids, but like the underlying primary fear that everyone has that I've learned through human behavior is that we're not enough. So we get triggered feeling like we're not enough all the time. And we wonder like some people don't even, I never had the consciousness, the understanding, the depth, the meaning to know what that even meant until. I dug deeper into learning how humans work, how I work. I know myself better now, and I know who to be for myself. As much as I can, I'm still fuckin learning, and we're always gonna keep learning, cause I love learning. I love learning and growing, so I'm never gonna stop. And I, I know that's why we're friends, because we both feel that way. Like, we love This earth school. We love this human experience. That's so Fucking complex. It's addicting, but it's so beautiful and it's so cool And, and it's so good to express yourself. Like you were saying, like, you're just expressing yourself, like on a platform that is so healing to just express and create, like, especially women. We're meant to create, we're meant to create life. Like our bodies are literally biologically set up to create life, to create. And so when women, especially men too, of course, but like we have this yearning inside of us to, to create. And so when we're stifled by anyone by, you know, disgruntled father or, you know, a partner that doesn't totally get it for that aspect, that if we allow that to crush us, then we're just like, we're literally getting in our own way to create something. But we don't know that until we learn and we grow and we evolve and we help each other because women are having a hard time all around us and men too. I know so many men right now, my age, this is court 40, happy to say 40 years old. that are struggling. And I think it's the same kind of thing. They've been emasculated somehow. They, and a lot of it's in their own head. Like no one's thinking the things that they are thinking of themselves. And I think that's all of us. Men are put in a very Hard position. They're meant to be at young children meant to be independent and don't cry. Don't be a pussy. You don't act like a girl. That's emasculating. Oh, yeah. Like, I mean, obviously, girls have triggers and things. But yeah, men get put into have really Like a different category as children growing up, especially if you're the oldest all like the responsibility and how that portrays along your lifespan. And yeah, like me and my sister, we're just having like a deep conversation and, you know, talking to her about my journey. And I was trying to explain her perspectives and we were talking about our perspectives of each other growing up and I'm going to shed some light on my dad. You know, and a lot of similarities, you know, my dad, so my grandmother, my dad's mother, from what I know, I knew her when I was little, but that was it. She was a great, great mother, but she wasn't that nurturing kind of like tough love, you know, so I don't think my dad got a lot of that pure love and that holding and which all children need. And my grandfather came back from world war II, a completely different person, PTSD at a whole nother level, like suicidal. You name it. And that was my dad's life, you know, and my dad wasn't a bad father. My dad wasn't an amazing father. I just felt like my dad did not know how to be a dad. And so I was kind of just felt like he never said he didn't want to have kids, but he always, you know, Had the behaviors of that, you know, the second he would come home from work, all of his energy would be exerted at work and just angry. Cause my mom would already be at work. So he would come home. And if the house is a mess kicking and throwing shit down the stairs and just like, it felt like I have great memories with my dad, but the ones that I remember mostly are just like, I felt like he hated us. Like, Like, he was like, this is my fucking life, just fucking kids and, you know, and it destroyed, it destroyed my brother, you know, and me and my sister, you know, we have our own, um, perspective of everything, but. Getting to our childhood, me and my sister were having this conversation about perspectives and she had this whole perspective of me and like I had this whole other perspective of her and she just always felt like I was like the bubbly one and everybody just loved me so much and like I never knew this, but she was so jealous of me because my mom would always be like, Oh my God, my little Meg's just so funny. She goes, Megan, you just always made everybody laugh. And I go, Melissa, you had no idea that I was just inside so lonely. I go, maybe I was doing all that. I mean, I am just naturally like a fucking weirdo, obviously, but I always had that like entertainment personality, like to be on show. Who knows if that was insecurity? I don't know. Right. But that was just. How I was. And I didn't know that she was always jealous of that. So she would be so mean to me. My sister was so mean, but I kind of understood that the older that I got. And she never knew that I wanted to be her. I wanted to be my sister. So fucking bad. Everything she did. I unbeat her and looked up to her and like, I just want to embody every part of my sister. And so it's like, we don't realize these things. I go like, that's why it's so good in healing to talk about. Your perspectives as a childhood and like, even the way that our parents raised us for conversations in the home. And it's just like, it's so healing. And even my sister was like, Oh my God, I feel like, like I released a lot. And I go, yeah, I go, you were like the middle child. And I go, you got treated certain ways. And I got treated certain ways. I go, I can't imagine. Being you, you know, and then there's me, I got away with everything, but that was also my behaviors. I got to, my mom probably got to a point like I can't fucking handle her anymore, you know? So my sister didn't know that I was screaming inside of insecurities, isolation, depression, anxiety, internalizing my entire outer world. And here she thought was, I was just happy go lucky kid. Yeah. You know, But I think I just steered off from fear and I don't know, but yeah, I just start talking and yeah, it's just so healing, you know, into like release. Do you feel better after kind of releasing a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's definitely, it's like a difference with, um, complaining about it, which I used to do. Like victimizing yourself? Yeah. Not even knowing that's what I was doing. Mm hmm. I would complain about this stuff and it would make the feeling come up in my body, but I wasn't releasing it in a positive manner. Like I didn't learn anything from it. So it just like. Stayed? Yeah. Yeah. It just stayed stuck in me and stayed. And now, like when I, like, I don't know if I, I mean, I remember it, I remember being there, but it's more like I am being that emotional support for, you know, the inner child, the young me that I truly believe needed a hug in that moment. So it's like, all I know now is to like, like literally just rub my own arms and hug myself and console myself, because as much as. I believe that, you know, we come into this world alone and we die alone. We're all connected. And like, there's so many ways where you say certain things like your dad did the same exact exact things my dad did. He would, he. Never said like I mean he said at that time and I'm sure he said it many other times that I didn't hear that He never wanted kids Um, whether he meant it or not But he acted like we were the worst like he all of our shit was always in his way He would kick it down the stairs. He would kick it out the front door Like he would just all of our shit was always in the way So then we felt like we were always in the way And that we should not be there. We did not belong And it's like all we want as humans is to belong You If we're not like accepted by the tribe, I mean, going back in time, you die, you get eaten, you are in survival. So that's why the whole fight or flight system of so many of us is on red alert all the time. Not realizing we're not really at danger. No, but our ego is, and our ego is there to protect us. So we just have to tell our ego to be like, it's okay, we're good. Like we are okay. Thanks for helping me survive all those years. It obviously I made it. I'm good now, but we have to console ourselves. And obviously like we always say, surround ourselves with people that see us for who we are and for, and, and accept us as we are. And support us along the individual unique journey that we all have but we're obviously all on it together yeah, and and I like how you brought up how like you speak about your trauma in a positive way because Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about that and becoming supernatural that Be careful when you retell your story, you know, every time you retell your story, you don't want to be retelling it with the same trauma because you're just going to keep making yourself sick. So that's the most amazing part of the journey is that we're able to sit on here on a podcast and relive certain, um, childhood scenes or scenarios. And, um, some things come up as we're sitting here talking. You know, but through that inner work, we're able to process it differently. And it's like, I don't feel triggered right now. I don't feel like I'm back in that childhood space. I feel like I am a healed adult hugging myself. Like it's beautiful. And I don't think I ever victimized myself. I think I knew that my childhood was different. I knew that certain things in my home and just, it was different. I always talked about it because I kind of wanted people to know like yeah, like, I don't know I was just always kind of open about it, you know, not as open as I am now, but, um, I think just part of me and it's my story, but I think I always knew that people had it way worse than I did. So maybe it was just kind of like an inner strongness in me. I don't know. I can't explain it. Well, I think you're a warrior. Yeah. I don't know. As far as you're like dominant energy. Yeah. Unless maybe I just, I don't know. I just, I think I just always saw people being victims around me. I think I lived and experienced it with certain people in my family. Okay. And I think I just never wanted to associate myself like that, you know, so I didn't either and then I was like Mortified when I found out that I was living the victim mentality when I was in therapy I like I had to I got like questions asked to me to like really reflect And then I was like, holy fuck. I'm a victim Maybe I way, maybe I have and I just, maybe I have to get to fucking therapy. Somebody called me a therapist right now. You're doing a lot of Therapizing. Yeah, but I just never wanted, I just never wanted to feed it that energy of, of course, you know? Yeah. But I think, I feel like in so many ways, that's just a lower consciousness. Like I think that's just like what it is. And then as we increase our awareness of how connected we are, how, how, um, certain things make sense, it's, it's not an intellectual thing. It's like, it's so much more than that. I don't know how to explain consciousness. It's spiritual. I know, but it's just, it's the essence of who you are, regardless of the body you're in. It's, it's like pure love. Yeah. It's just pure love. But it's also the awareness of the love you are and the love that you're connected to everyone, but nothing. Yeah. I mean, obviously, I mean, when I'm in different states of consciousness, sometimes like, I guess that old self just doesn't resonate with me right now. Right. And yet we were there so we can always Remember, but the true remembering is the essence that we came into this earth, who we were in that pure love state. And how it's been, how it's gone on a journey away from knowing that, away from understanding who we truly are on purpose, so that we could come back to it. The human journey. You know, I thought about this yesterday and I was laying on my couch and this is kind of steering off, but it's like, Something that I just realized and I didn't know that I designed my home in this way. I was laying on my couch and I was just looking around at all the like live plants that I've accumulated. A couple are dead. I haven't got a lot of plants to take care of. Um, just all my buddhas and all my Things in my home. It's a constant reminder. And I was laying on my couch and thinking like, Oh my God, I go every other living situation, my entire life, I would look around, it was a constant reminder of like, just low vibe, like bad addictions, just whatever. And I'm laying in my home and I'm like. Everywhere I look in my home, it's a constant reminder for me to be in the present moment to be grateful. And I was like, holy shit, I didn't even realize that. I don't ever walk down my flight of stairs without like, just taking a deep breath. And I'm just like, just gratitude. I'm like, I didn't know that I designed my home to like, just be in, A gratitude state all the time. I love that. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, we're in the process of like kind of actually Decorating our home and I I mean, of course, I want more nature we have plants and thank god joe is so good at watering them because I'm, I'm, I'm learning. You could be the one that talks to them, and Jill could be the one that can water them. Yeah, talk, talk, and like, pet their leaves and stuff. Cause I do do that, and obviously that's nurturing. Yeah. Um, but yeah, he needs to water. Well, that's how it works. He waters the seed, right? Yeah. And I Teamwork. I, I comfort and nurture. Yeah. Speaks to our, um, genders. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I don't know. I don't really have the whole decor Like gene, I don't know what the fuck they're like put together and how to make things look Nice and cohesive and all that. I just want to pay someone to do it But then it's like well It is our home. So why don't we put our stamp on it and figure it out? But I love like thinking of what you you just said and just like creating Everywhere we look just like reminding us of the present moment Which nature does that for me really well. And then, yeah, just anything that makes us feel really grateful so that, cause when any time you feel grateful, it's really hard. It's impossible to feel low vibe at the same time. And yeah, I remember also just a lot of different views from when I was a kid and how, yeah, just, uh, didn't always, Bring me joy. Bring me the good vibes. So Yeah, i'm feeling really motivated to spruce up the house. Yeah on a gratitude level. Yeah Yeah, it was just Something that came to my mind yesterday. It was just something that just like came to me. I was like, Oh my God, Mason's like our house is a little too Zen. I go that impossible, impossible. But yeah, it's, we spent a lot of times in our home and not nature, like we're meant to be. So I really have found it important, especially in this new home and this new journey in life we're building together. It'll be three years in July this year. I really wanted to captivate your house. Yeah. I just really wanted to captivate an environment that really made me feel connected, and I didn't realize it at the time. I just kept buying every fucking Buddha that I saw. And like, yeah, it's like I can't look anywhere in my house and like, without a reminder for me to like, check my state of being. Yeah. And the, addition you're having in the back. Oh, yes. My um, father in law is helping me build a garden. So I'm so excited. Yeah, I can't wait to have some fresh organic kale and tomatoes and cucumbers. And yeah, yeah, I'm gonna definitely incorporate that and have some organic fresh food for the bar. Do some cleaner ingredients and menu options and oh. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Insane. Cause healthy people go to bars too. And some people want fucking a kale and a fucking beer, you know? Yeah, the um, the, the bloody greens, the bloody Mary with the greens in it. I gotta ask Gina if people are ordering that, but people do order the Fizzuritas. I loved it. Yeah. It'll be even better now with the, um, green synergy. Right? Fire the bloody. Right. I think so. Cause people like like cucumber vodka and Bloody Marys. Oh, but yeah, I have an all organic gut health, bloody. But, um, so you've inspired me to ask Joe, since Joe has gotten back into woodworking, cause he's always really enjoyed working with his hands. I think that's another thing that like guys like creating, but they like creating with like their hands versus maybe the expression of like self, like women, obviously, whatever we're all creators, um, and co creators. Yeah. So he's been really getting into woodworking. So I feel like asking him to build that a raised bed in our backyard. We can both have gardens at the same time. I love that. And I have tons of seeds. Okay. You ordered them already? Huh? Did you order them? When Joel for Mother's Day, he got me that AI or the, um, in house grow thing. And it came with a whole homestead of all like non GMO, like clean, food. Oh yeah, and now I'm getting a composter so I can get, yeah, and I think I'm going to do a countertop one. My mom said that's the best because it's like really fast. You only get like a pot worth, but within hours you have it. Well, and so I already told my father in law, I'm like, listen, I'm just really concerned about the soil. Like I, I can't have any glyphosate, like in near any of my little vegetables and fruits I go, I just, I can't. And he's just looking at me like I'm nuts. And I'm just like, you don't understand. I go, I'm traumatized by the food system. And he's like, don't worry. It'll be, he kind of gets it. Cause he's from Italy. So he kind of gets it, you know? Yeah. Oh, we just watched, um, there's a series on Netflix, the blue zones. I've been wanting to watch it forever. And it talks about these people that are the longest living and highest quality of life. They're centenarians. They live to like a hundred plus. And there's um, a city in italy, there's like seven six or seven blue zones And yeah, we saw all these old people in italy just so old and so connected And this particular place in, uh, Italy, it's on a really high elevation. So everyone's literally walking on like an incline all the time. Right. So it's like, so it's so, um, uh, blended into like their everyday movement and action that they never have to actually exercise. Like they're always having movement. Yes. that's challenging on, on a, in a positive way on their bodies. And then obviously connect, like connection is just, yeah. So important. Yeah, we were made to connect. Yes and help each other and all the old people. They aren't sent away They're like they live in each other's homes and like everyone helps take care of them and they Actually love and respect them. They like ask them all these questions about Their wisdom and it's like wow, we don't do that here No, I put them away. We put in the opposite and like hey, whatever truth, you know from 1900s Zip it We're gonna rewrite the we're gonna rewrite history and we're gonna put all the old people at home That's my theory and they're on so many drugs that they can't even Yeah, it's so inflamed and have had no movement for however long so like their brains are disconnected from their bodies and You know, I'm gonna, I want to touch on, um, those of you that don't know, this is my time. This is Meg, but I am a huge, huge, huge Britney Spears fan. And in her book, she had all of her control taken away. And the one thing she had control over was in her Las Vegas tour, her management and everybody that was her handlers that were controlling her life, wanting her to like flip and toss her hair. And she said, I got to a point where I secretly, I, she was like, I was the only one who didn't know. That I wasn't doing it. It was the only way that I could have power was to not flip and toss my hair on stage, like how they wanted me. She goes, it was me saying, fuck you. What? And like, I resonate with that because that's what I'm doing with my health. It's like my way with, with the system and everything and the external world of chaos. It's me giving the middle fingers. And we kind of had that conversation with Lyle, like we were talking and I'm like, Like I resonate with Brittany in that aspect, like not being like controlled, but we live in a controlling environment and it's me having 100 percent control over what I put in my mouth and on my body. That's my way of saying, fuck you. I own my power. Yeah. Fear is an illusion. Fear is an illusion. The only thing that is real is love. And it's like, I have to keep that like. Like, okay, what am I afraid of? Like, why am I afraid of that? And I have to detach from that. And just remember, it's just an illusion. It's just an illusion. Yeah. And be weird. Be weird. Yeah. Just give us a fuck. I mean, shit. Some of the people that I follow are way fucking weirder than I am. Amen to them because I love it. Yeah, you're gonna get weird too. I'm gonna get you weird. You're gonna start dance with your protein. Maybe like a little f stick for my mace. When you dance with your mace. Hmm. Yeah. We need to bring our maces when we go to Vegas and then Arizona. And this is steel mace, not like pepper spray Mac Oh yeah. Hopefully you're never dancing with no pepper spray. Yeah. And hopefully you never have to use it. Yeah. 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