What if you could take control of your self-image and transform it into your ultimate superpower? Join me, Steph, in this enlightening episode of Pocketful of Mojo, where we unpack the empowering mantra, "I am in control of my self-image and I make sure it's a positive one." We'll explore how self-image serves as your VIP pass to the world and dissect the crucial differences between self-image and self-esteem. Through personal stories and actionable advice, I'll show you how external validation can mess with your self-perception and challenge the notion that you're stuck with the self-esteem you currently have. Discover the importance of building a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, starting right here, right now.
In this episode, we also delve into the transformative power of self-reflection and a positive mindset. Learn how to understand, rather than judge, your thoughts and emotions, and break the cycle of people-pleasing. I'll guide you through mindfulness techniques and journaling tips to help you uncover internal patterns and respond to life's challenges differently. From saying no without guilt to accepting compliments gracefully, you'll gain practical tools to foster a growth-oriented personal environment. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of self-love and self-acceptance, setting the stage for our next episode on understanding the difference between feeling needed and feeling wanted. So hit subscribe, and let's spread those positive vibes together. Toodaloo kangaroo!
What if you could take control of your self-image and transform it into your ultimate superpower? Join me, Steph, in this enlightening episode of Pocketful of Mojo, where we unpack the empowering mantra, "I am in control of my self-image and I make sure it's a positive one." We'll explore how self-image serves as your VIP pass to the world and dissect the crucial differences between self-image and self-esteem. Through personal stories and actionable advice, I'll show you how external validation can mess with your self-perception and challenge the notion that you're stuck with the self-esteem you currently have. Discover the importance of building a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, starting right here, right now.
In this episode, we also delve into the transformative power of self-reflection and a positive mindset. Learn how to understand, rather than judge, your thoughts and emotions, and break the cycle of people-pleasing. I'll guide you through mindfulness techniques and journaling tips to help you uncover internal patterns and respond to life's challenges differently. From saying no without guilt to accepting compliments gracefully, you'll gain practical tools to foster a growth-oriented personal environment. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of self-love and self-acceptance, setting the stage for our next episode on understanding the difference between feeling needed and feeling wanted. So hit subscribe, and let's spread those positive vibes together. Toodaloo kangaroo!
Music from #Uppbeat https://uppbeat.io/t/mountaineer/run-away
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Welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocket Full of Mojo, where you're you and I'm Steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy every single day. I'm kidding Now look, I wasn't always this way, and not to flex, but I've had breakdowns on multiple continents and in two languages. But by paying attention and by living with more intention, by paying attention and by living with more intention, I've curated this goodness first aid kit full of amazing tools that help me out of and avoid getting into life's most sticky and stressful situations, and do so with grace and self-love. And I'm not here to gatekeep. In fact, I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live your life on your terms. We're here for some positive change, so let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm going to review our mantra for the week and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, which is self-image and self-esteem. Are they different? Are they in your control? You bet your cutie patootie, but they are, and we're going to uncover some great insights on this in just a minute. So you stick around, and I'm going to make sure that you're glad that you did. So you stick around and I'm going to make sure that you're glad that you did.
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Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Hello and welcome. It's the 26th episode of Pocketful of Mojo, and once again I'm going to be Steph today. Yep, I'm your Mojo Maven, I'm your cheerleader, I'm your soul sister, I'm your emotional Sherpa, and I'm super glad you're here. This episode is going to be particularly educational. So, pitter, patter, let's get at her. Then. Let's start by digging into today's mantra.
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Today's mantra is I am in control of my self-image and I make sure that it's a positive one. Okay, no hiding from the power of this mantra, let's unpack it together. I am in control of my self-image and I make sure it's a positive one. Listen up, gorgeous soul, because here's the tea. Your self-image is your VIP pass to the world. It's how you strut your stuff, own your space and dazzle the crowd. So why would you settle for anything less than fabulous? You're the director, the producer and the star of your own show and, trust me, darling, you're destined for great things. I am in control of my self-image, and I make sure it's a positive one.
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Now let's talk about positivity with a sprinkle of sass. Picture this I'm the CEO of Steph, incorporated. And honey, negativity, it's just not on the payroll. Ain't nobody got time for that? Because, look, do bad things happen? Abso-fucking-lutely they do, and that part it's out of our control, I'm afraid. So we focus on what we can control, and when your self-image is a positive one, you start to reveal that you've got this true, unstoppable nature about you. It's all about flipping the script, rewriting those doubtful lines into a blockbuster hit starring none other than the awesome and incomparable you. I am in control of my self-image and I make sure it's a positive one.
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Let's talk about mirrors, shall we? They're not just for checking your hair and practicing your Oscar acceptance speech, although I fully support both of those things. The mirrors are your daily reminder that you are fierce, fabulous and so worthy of love and admiration. So next time you catch your reflection, give yourself a little wink, little smile, because, baby, you're looking like a whole snack. I am in control of my self-image and I make sure it's a positive one.
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Hmm, self-image and self-esteem, yeah, they are different, and I remember one day I was having a particularly acute case of body dysmorphia, and it wasn't cute. I had the thought that I wanted to be able to see myself the way other people saw me, because I knew deep down that there was a gap, but I didn't know how to get my head right and get my eyes to see more than what my brain was willing to show me. I know I'm not alone when I say that the relationship that we have with ourselves, particularly with our bodies, is a complicated one. You see, I don't know about you, but no one ever taught me how to build positive self-image and self-esteem. And it should be done like when we're young, right, or younger. So we go flailing out into the world and we hope for the best, and then we're kind of forced to assume that the self-esteem and self-image that we do have is the one that we're stuck with. Self-esteem and self-image that we do have is the one that we're stuck with. Well, I'm happy to announce that that is horseshit and absolutely not the case. We are in charge more than we've been led to believe.
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So let's chat about something that hits close to home for many of us self-image and self-esteem. These are two crucial aspects of your mental well-being, and they can be really tricky to navigate, especially when you're used to prioritizing everyone else's needs and opinions over your own. So let's make a pledge right here, right now. Those days are over. Let's dig into how we're going to do that and why it's so freaking important. So let's start with self-image.
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Self-image is how you see yourself. It's the mental picture that you have of your physical appearance, your abilities and your overall worth. For us people pleasers, this image often gets distorted by the constant need for external validation. We might only see ourselves through the eyes of other people, which can be both uplifting and incredibly damaging, and life is too short to have a self-image that changes like we're in a house of mirrors. Ugh, those things are so weird. So let's take a beat to check out the pitfalls of distorted self-image. When your self-image is tied to other people's opinions, it fluctuates depending on their feedback. Yikes, hope you've got your seatbelt on. One day you're going to feel on top of the world because someone praised you or gave you that compliment about your whatever, and then the next you're in the dumps because someone made a comment or gave you some small criticism. That sounds exhausting, and it is Ain't. Nobody got time for that.
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The other pitfall is perfectionism, and I'm the first to say I love the sense of perfection. I know I'm not alone in this, but while you may be constantly reaching for that picture-perfect ideal out in the world, it often seeps into how we want to see ourselves and it's usually based on something our wackadoo society drummed up for you to believe is the ideal. And what does society know? And then, when we neglect our own needs, it means we're focusing too much on other people, and as much as we love them. This can lead you to ignore your own needs and desires, and even your health, for example. Think about a time when you went out of your way to help a friend, sacrificing your own plans or your comfort. Maybe they didn't even acknowledge your effort and you felt unseen and unappreciated. Your self-image took a hit because it relied on their response. So if you're in this camp and you're feeling moments of insecurity or overwhelm, or maybe you're just terrified of standing up for yourself, I'm here to say there's a better way.
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So let's have a look at self-esteem and that's your inner dialogue. Now, self-esteem is related but different. It's all about how much you value yourself and it's about how much you value yourself, regardless of what other people think. It's the internal self-loving vitamin that feeds your feelings of self-worth. Now for people-pleasers. Self-esteem is often a bit shaky because it's built on this rocky foundation of what other people think. The key here is to know your worth, then add tax.
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So let's take a look at the pitfalls of low self-esteem. Well, first of all, there's the insecurity. When you're constantly doubting your worth and your abilities and you're scared that you're not good enough, our brains will literally tell us anything. You have to change those thoughts. Or maybe you get hit with feelings of overwhelm. You take on too much trying to please everyone, and this leads you to burnout and resentment. So naturally we go to number three, which is avoiding conflict. Fear of upsetting people around you makes you want to avoid confrontation, aka sticking up for yourself and your beliefs, and this sets you up for trouble. You'll start to feel resentment, and this is where the passive, aggressive behavior comes into play.
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So, for example, remember the last time you agreed to something and you didn't want to do it, but you did it anyway just to keep the peace. Or maybe you said yes to extra work or attended an event that you actually had no interest in. Each time that you do this, you're chipping away at your self-esteem because you're telling yourself that your own needs and your own desires they don't matter. Newsflash, they do. They totally do. So picture this you have a day off and a full list of things that you'd like to do with your day.
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Suddenly, your friend sends up a signal flare that they need you to help them move. Oh, someone needs you. Well, you know what to do. The same thing you've always done Throw your to-do list in the garbage and show up for your friend. Oh man, you're such a good friend.
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But then you show up and they're not ready. They're reading the paper and drinking a, and they didn't even get you one Red flag. Number two they're half-packed boxes everywhere and they don't even have a plan on how they're going to get this all done. You feel this pang of rage and frustration. You gave up your day off for this, but you stay quiet, you do the extra work, you finish what you started, because that's who you are, and this is the trifecta of low self-esteem right here. Is it a lost cause? No, ma'am, you can flip the script here in three steps. Number one tell your friend to saddle up and put the paper down, because the two of you are going to figure this out. Number two call in some reinforcements so that you don't have to figure this out. Number two call in some reinforcements so that you don't have to do it alone. And number three gently tell your friend that you would have appreciated them being more prepared for the move and that you can only stay for a few hours because you have plans today.
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So just because you said yes when you wanted to say no does not mean that the ship has sailed for setting your boundaries and standing up for yourself. So when you shift the focus from external to internal, that's your secret sauce. Honoring yourself means recognizing your worth and treating yourself with the same kindness and respect that you offer up to the people around you. It's about understanding that your needs and feelings matter, and you're the only one who has to think so. The people who think so too. They're going to show themselves pretty quickly once you've tuned into this fact. So these are some steps to help honor yourself.
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The first you will have heard this before from me, but you gotta set some boundaries. Learn to say no without the guilt. It's not selfish, it's self-care. Speaking of which? That's number two. Get yourself a self-care routine. That means doing it regularly. Make time for activities that feed your body, mind and soul. Do some reading, do some walking. Do a hobby, learn how to play the accordion whatever it is you do you. That's real self-care.
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Then we got to look at the self-talk. Keep it positive. Replace negative thoughts with affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and your achievements. You're awesome. It's worth repeating. So, for example, if you're feeling overwhelmed at work, instead of taking on another project to impress your boss, set a boundary, politely decline and just explain that you've got a lot on your plate right now and use that time to save and recharge with an activity that you love. More isn't always better. Charge with an activity that you love. More isn't always better. What's the quality of your work in the ninth, tenth, eleventh hour? You can't do your best work when you're exhausted, so fill your cup regularly. Oh, and bonus tip, you don't have to wait for your cup to be empty to fill it again. More on that later.
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It's also important to validate yourself. Waiting for other people to confirm your worth is like waiting for rain in a drought it's unpredictable and it's unreliable. Learn to validate yourself by acknowledging all the things you've done, no matter how small, and when you really take a close look at your life, you'll see how powerful you actually are. So how do we validate ourselves? Well, we celebrate our wins. Keep a journal of your daily achievements and review it regularly. And if you're not into journaling, that's cool. Just make a habit of reviewing the day as you're falling asleep or as you're going through traffic and pull out all of those things that you did right.
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Today. You've got to give yourself that high five. Recognize that your hard work and dedication, even if the results aren't perfect, is still worthy of something. You have just as much opportunity to be lazy as the next person, but you're not. Every ounce of energy that you put out there is intentional and that deserves recognition. And it starts with you and my friend. We gotta learn to love our mistakes, understand and know that errors and mistakes and fuck-ups it's all part of the learning process and it does not define your worth. Have the courage to suck at something new. Every master was first a student. Being good at anything comes with failing at least a few times along the way. Give yourself some grace. Give yourself like seven mistakes every day. It just means that you're trying and that is the win.
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So, for example, instead of trying to get praise from your boss or your colleagues after finishing a project, just take a beat, get your favorite coffee and think about what you did. Write it down. Write down what you did well and how you got around the challenges that came your way. That stuff's gold and worth bringing up at your next performance review. Celebrate this privately with like a little small reward. Maybe get yourself some ice cream or a trip to Italy. If you can't decide, do both. The point here is that celebration is best served self-served.
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Now, when it comes to building healthy self-image and self-esteem, ask yourself am I the hero of my own story? The secret sauce here is self-reflection, and that's the practice of looking inward to understand your thoughts, your emotions and the way you act. Notice. I said understand, not judge. It's really critical for breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing. So during the self-reflection, you want to do it daily. Spend a few minutes every day just thinking about how you felt all day and why. Unpack where that trigger was and why it presents that way for you.
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The next ingredient is mindfulness. Practice mindfulness to stay present and aware of your internal state when you're not focused on the past or the future. Now is all you really need to concern yourself with, and you're in complete control of this moment. So choose wisely. If you're really feeling like you're in your head, try journaling. Write about your experiences and your feelings, and this can really help you identify some patterns or what your triggers are. I like to set a timer for 10 minutes just to see what comes out. No intention, no story to tell, just tapping into my heart and my head and see what's going on in there.
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You might surprise yourself with what you uncover. So, for example, if you notice that you felt particularly anxious after a meeting, take a beat to think about why Did you feel unheard? Were you worried about other people's opinions? Did someone say something that sent you into a fight or flight state? Understanding the root cause of that can really help you address it in a more constructive way. Make a plan and adjust how you show up next time, which helps us talk about your personal mindset.
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Now, mindset is quite the buzzword lately, and there's a reason for that Mindset. It's a game changer and a level setter. Your mindset shapes your reality. A positive, growth-oriented mindset will transform your self-image and your self-esteem. That's a fact. So what about you? Are you actively participating in building a mindset that serves you and lifts you up? Food for thought. So let's check in on some steps to create a positive mindset.
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The first thing you want to do is get good at growth. View these challenges as opportunities, chances to learn and grow, rather than the threats that they may appear to be at first sight. Remember, when you're green, you grow, and when you're ripe, you rot. And look, you wouldn't be here if you thought that your life was perfect. If we want change, we have to get good at growing into who we're meant to be. We can't keep doing things the way we've always done them and expect our world to change. It just doesn't work that way.
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Next, we fold in some gratitude practice. Are you looking for a new hobby? May I suggest gratitude Regularly expressing gratitude for all the good things in your life, including and starting with your own awesome qualities and achievements. Knowing what's good in your life and appreciating it turns you into a magnet for more. And if you're not grateful for the things that you have, what makes you think that you'll be more grateful when you have more things? Which takes us to number three Surround yourself with positivity. Seek out people and environments that uplift and inspire you. Luckily, you found me. I'm a bonafide positivity monster and I am here for it. Make space in your tribe for people who help you feel amazing. It's your number one job, but having a cheerleader to back you up and keep you on track with your best stuff it is a priceless gift in this life. And have you already got one? Awesome. Make sure you remind them how much you appreciate them and their positivity. It goes a really long way.
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Scene number two Like, for example instead of fixating on this mistake that you made that one time, reframe it. Call it a learning experience and ask yourself what did I learn from this? And then you can move forward with knowledge instead of regret. So let's have a look at how to respond differently. We got to break these old ways of doing things, and, trust me, I get it. Change is hard, I'll be the first to admit. But what if I told you that it's not as hard as you think? Often, when we're in this place, where we're fed up with our old ways, but we've been doing them for so long, we maybe can't even imagine a different way of doing it. So we feel stuck. So let's go through some examples of how we can show up differently and honor ourselves in the process.
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Scenario number one saying no without guilt. For example, your plate is already filled with work and family and life and errands and projects and to-do lists. Then a really good friend asks if you can help them out with this new project that they're working on and they want your help and insight because of your expertise, because you're so good at what you do. Now the old response would be to agree, even though it's a little bit overwhelming right now, because isn't that nice that they thought of you. What a compliment. How could you say no to that? And then comes the overwhelm, the resentment and the disappointment that your list and priorities don't get any love. Enter the new response you can just politely decline and maybe suggest an alternative time, if that's possible. I know we're not always good at saying no I have a whole podcast episode about it, actually. But here's the thing by saying you know that's sweet of you to think of me and your project sounds awesome, but unfortunately I'm super booked right now. Can we look at another time together? Voila, easy peasy.
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And then scenario number two accepting compliments gracefully. Here's the example you hustled and you sweat and you absolutely crushed this presentation at work. You knew your stuff and your skills were well in play. Your boss or colleague then makes a point to call out how your hard work and excellent preparation really shone Spotlight on you. Now the old response might have been downplaying the compliments or deflecting them, or ah, it was nothing, or really it was a team effort. But the new response is that you look them right in the eyes and say thank you, I appreciate that the end. You're not boasting, you're not conceited, you are affirming your worth and excellence. Ain't no shame in the self-love game ever.
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And when it comes to prioritizing your needs, let's look at scenario number three, for example. You've had a monster day and you've rescheduled your alone time 17 times already this week and you've got just enough gas in the tank to pour a bath and read a book. Then your bestie calls and you haven't seen them in quite a while and they want to hang out. Now the old response would have been yeah, of course I want to see you. Oh, tonight, yeah, I can make it tonight. But the new response can look like this I'd love to see you, but I need some downtime today. Can we reschedule Ta-da? Balancing your needs with other people's needs is a skill that's worth practicing. Your friends want what's good for you too, so by letting them know what you need, they're going to be supportive. Give them that chance. In conclusion, my friends, there is no conclusion.
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The journey to self-love goes on and on and on. Remember developing a healthy self-image and self-esteem. It's a lifelong habit and it needs you. It needs your patience, your practice and your self-compassion. And wherever you find yourself on the people-pleaser spectrum, we're naturally empathetic and caring, so it's time to extend that empathy and care to ourselves. By honoring yourself, validating your worth and building a positive mindset, you can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and build a stronger, more resilient sense of self. Reflect regularly, celebrate your achievements with Italy or ice cream, and remember that you are deserving of love and respect, not just from other people, most importantly from yourself.
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And so, with that, I thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. Remember self-love, self-acceptance these are the foundations for a mojo master, and I know that you have everything you need to live a full life. Fill your own cup and drink in all the good stuff that this life has to offer. That's why we're here. So make sure you come back next week, where we're going to explore all that is feeling needed, why it's so important to us and how to navigate feeling wanted versus feeling needed. So make sure you subscribe to Pocketful of Mojo wherever you find your favorite podcasts, and come back next week to level up how we feel about the masterpiece that is our life Now. Until then, stay awesome and keep spreading those positive vibes. Be kind out there. Toodaloo kangaroo.
