Season 2 Ep. 1: From Personal Pain to Spiritual Gain

What happens when you align your professional aspirations with your deepest spiritual beliefs? 

Krystal Jae shares her profound journey of integrating her coaching career with her faith, viewing it as a ministry and a calling. Hear her reflections on the delicate balance of honoring her clients' diverse beliefs while remaining true to her own spiritual convictions. This episode is a heartfelt conversation about gratitude, purpose, and authenticity in both personal and professional spheres, underscoring how a workshop and a road trip with her mother led to significant insights into her calling.

Discover how being a compassionate and supportive friend can inspire profound personal and spiritual transformations. We recount how subtle acts of kindness and emotional support can lead others to their own spiritual awakenings, without the need for overt preaching. This episode sheds light on the power of genuine connections and the importance of showing up with love and grace, even amid personal and societal pressures. Krystal Jae ’s narrative highlights the significance of trusting one’s journey and allowing others to find their path to healing and spirituality.

Finally, we dive into Krystal Jae ’s personal battles with abuse and brokenness, and how these experiences have been transformed into powerful lessons through divine guidance. Hear about her moments of spiritual awakening, where divine intervention provided clarity and purpose. This episode emphasizes the importance of sharing one's journey to empower others, the significance of forgiveness and setting boundaries, and the continuous effort to stay steadfast in faith. Join us for an episode filled with inspiration, spiritual insights, and heartfelt stories that promise to resonate deeply with your own journey of faith and personal growth.

“You are not alone, and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through. God loves you and trust me when I say he is not your trauma.” ~Krystal Jae

“Believe in all that you are and know that you have this inner power that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Krystal Jae

www.krystaljae.com

youtube.com/@Krystal_Jae

Transcript

Krystal Jae: 0:05

Season two started in a way I couldn't ever imagine, so what I would like to say is welcome to season two of the Empowered Transformational Healing Podcast with me, crystal J. Now. Are you ready for some realness, raw healing and an eclipse into what it feels like to walk in peace, clarity and purpose, while truly knowing who you are Now? If your answer is yes, then you've come to the right place. You see, for the past two decades, I've been blessed to share my journey with countless women and a few men, empowering them to overcome the lingering shadows of physical, emotional, psychological, sexual and even medical abuse. Together, we confront the limitations that hold us back, like self-doubt, guilt, fear, shame and that pervasive sense of unworthiness. We dig deep to uncover the root of these feelings, break free from suffering and silence and embrace the life that is meant for us. Now, through this podcast, I am here to empower you to break free from the limitations of trauma and step into your true self. We'll explore real stories, practical advice, new ideas, spiritual wisdom, and it's definitely going to be a transformation that's going to guide you from pain to purpose, self-doubt to confidence and confusion to clarity. So let's leave the struggle bus behind and embark on this journey to discover the beauty and strength that lies within you. Remember you are not alone. You are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through, because God loves you, and trust me when I say he is not your trauma. Welcome to the Empowered Transformational Healing Podcast. Let's transform together.

Krystal Jae: 2:22

Oh, my good, the beginning of this week Monday and Tuesday I went on like a little road trip with my mom and so we left Monday, we came back on Tuesday and, you know, came home, got a lot of things out the way, and so now I'm like okay, I like did other stuff Monday and Tuesday, and now today is like time to start focusing and go forward. Right, you know, just really, I don't know, I'm just really thankful. You know, I'm just really thankful to God for my journey. You know, one thing that, like I've really been like paying attention to and reminding myself, is that my journey, that you know, is my journey with God. You know, because, like he's the one who's led me and he's the one who, you know, put me in this place that I'm at, and you know, I'm just reminding myself of who I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing, which I know help clear up some things for me. You know, I think, like you know, when it comes to like the really, like the marketing and everything I'm doing, and I let the frustration of everything kind of get to me because I'm like, ok, this needs to happen already. And I got to remember that everything, like everything we go through, we're doing it for something. So, like you know, this may be a testimonial to somebody else that they need to hear later, and so I'm like, as long as I'm showing up and you know I'm doing my best, then that's what's important and that I'm doing it the way that God wants me to do it and not the way that Crystal wants me to do it, you know, and so I'm just really excited about that part of really remembering it and really remembering that.

Krystal Jae: 4:14

You know, this is not only coaching, but it's also my way of way of, it's also the way that I am ministering. You know, my clients who, um, a lot of them, really the majority of them, who I have coached even without me, because, like, when I coach, I don't bring, I don't, I don't put my beliefs on other people right, like I believe everybody should have their own beliefs and everything else, and so I'm not going to push a belief on you. No, like it's, it's relevant, Like you know, when people see my stuff, whatever else, that I'm a Christian, right, but I don't put that on anybody else. And then, like, using the word Christian, that is sometimes triggering the people because they have been hurt in the church or they've been hurt by people who call themselves Christians, and so that is really triggering for them. So that's why, like for me, like on my thing, it says, like who am I? And I have on there, like I'm a, you know, a disciple of God, and so so it's, like it's no secret, but I don't believe in putting my beliefs on somebody. Let them come to me in that realm when they're ready. You know, I'm going to always be open and willing to talk about God and about my growth, because I'm still learning, I'm still growing. You know, like I haven't always been faithful. It's a God.

Krystal Jae: 5:39

You know, this past, like weekend, he's really reminded me that, even though, like I don't push myself, he brings those people to me, you know. And so then, like I found myself this weekend because I went to a couple of like Christian workshops this weekend, workshops this weekend, and he reminded, and like I found myself like, when someone asked me what I would do, like I would tell them. And then, like this one lady who I met networking last week she's the one who invited me to this stuff this weekend and so I went and, um, when I went, like she was telling people yeah, she's a trauma coach and she's amazing, whatever. And so when people was asking me what I did, like without thinking, I was telling them you know, you know, I'm a somatic, trauma informed coach. I empower people to really, you know, break free from that suffering and silence and the guilt and the shame and really start embracing who they are. And once they start embracing who they are, I was like then they will start remembering and while I'm working with them, they will also remember that their trauma is not of God but is of flesh, and so then it brings them closer to God.

Krystal Jae: 7:09

And I was like and so like, when I like started, when I spilt that out the first time, I was like whoa, where did that come from? Because I was like I have never introduced myself like that and I have never sat up there and been like, put that in there and I'm like, and so it made me sit and it made me sit and think, because I'm like God is the one who put me here, he is the one who gave me this ministry. And I asked him how can I do it? And I was like and at first I didn't even realize that this is my ministry like I kept asking him God, show me, what am I supposed to do? Like I know you want me to bring people closer to you, but how do you want me to do it? Like I don't understand. I'm like, help me. I'm like I'm speaking your word and everything else in church, but I feel like that's not where you want me to be. And I was like so. And I was like you already showed me that I'm going to be out in the world and I'm going to be out showing your word and I'm going to be on stages and I'm going to have these retreats and stuff. It's like you've shown me that these are not just visions or dreams that I wanted, but you showed me that's where you're putting me. So how, so, how, so? So show me what, how do I get there? What is my ministry?

Krystal Jae: 8:23

And then, like you know, just a couple of weeks ago that's when I was like, you know, when I was journaling, like you know, like, cause, when I journal I just journal, like I don't necessarily think, I just write. And when I went back and I was like reading it, I was like, oh my goodness, it's been here the whole time Because, like, I literally wrote how coaching, how this coaching and this platform that I'm building, it's my ministry. But I never let it click in my head. But it wasn't until I wrote it down and I realized, oh my God, and I was like, look at God, like he's answering my prayers, you know so like, I was like, so like, when I had that, that that opening of like, you know, of like, with people working with me, you know, as they're discovering themselves, then that's when they really get to realize, like you know, that God isn't their trauma and that they don't have to run away from him and they come closer to him or whatever else. And it made me think also, like later on, when I got home and I started thinking about the different clients I've had and and I'm like, oh, shoot, that is exactly what I've been doing, cause, like when I say her journey is powerful. Her journey is so powerful, like you know, like, like I've literally seen her to where she was like, literally like at the edge, where she was like you know, I want to be a better person and I want to better myself.

Krystal Jae: 9:50

And then she ended up having like this big traumatic thing in her marriage and then she was broken and like she wasn't getting out the bed and she reminded me of me. She wasn't getting out the bed, she wasn me of me. Like she wasn't getting out the bed, she wasn't showering, she wasn't doing anything, and I would literally just tell her I don't care, like you know, let's talk. You know, you don't have to have your camera on whatever, and me and her would just sit there and we would just talk and I would show her the presence and I would just be there for her and I would give her different things to do to help her just slowly get out of bed, to slowly start eating. You know cause it was important?

Krystal Jae: 10:27

She's a diabetic, so with her going through these emotions and everything else, it messes with her. You know that messes with our hormones and for her, things messing with her hormones also mess with her diabetes. So she was getting so low to where she was having to go to the ER, and so it was crucial for her to get fixed, for her to sit there and have these steady levels and so, like, as she's going through it and like she's, and then like I start seeing her slowly coming out, slowly coming out, and then she started talking more to me about God. But I never mentioned God to her. I just showed his love, his grace, his compassion, how he's there for us, even when sometimes we don't want no one to be there for us. And that is why I was like I was like oh my gosh, and like it clicked. I was like I don't have to just talk about God, because a lot of times when people hear the big g, they want to sit there and run, because they're like, oh my gosh, now they're going to feel me with a whole bunch of stuff, but no, I can sit there and show his love, his grace, his compassion, how he's there for us, share my journey with it, and then they're going to be like, oh, and then when they ask questions, like when people ask me about my journey, I let them know I talked to God and he helped me and everything else, but I don't have to push that on you. And so just showing that, because then that had her like, really like, okay, I want to go into really, I want to really start like learning about my spirituality and what this means for me, and she's been doing that the way that she needs to do it for her. And so I was like, wow, look at you. Like I never really put it all together because I'm like I don't talk a lot about God, like I like in my group I do the scriptures and but I don't go in and I don't really go in and like tell people they need to do this for God, they need to do that for God, because that's your own personal journey, right? And so then, like I thought about you know another client and like for her she was like she believes, but then she questioned the bible because of like King James you, you know, maneuvered the Bible in his way or whatever it's like it was this whole thing.

Krystal Jae: 12:47

But then just to see people on their journey to really discovering, like, who God is for them and so like, and then, like I think about others who's like you know they like in their thing they started praying or, you know, in their thing, like they're going on that journey the way that they see fit for themselves. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I have literally been doing that and I didn't realize it because I was walking my journey and doing whatever I felt, like you know needed to be done, and, of course, like I'm praying and asking God to show me and guide me, whatever else, but I hadn't opened myself fully up to really being like to see what he was doing, to see all the different things. And I have to be like and then I have to be honest is that like a couple of the ones who had the most, like a couple of the ones who had the most, who had, you know, having it to where, you know I do discounts and everything else they wouldn't have ever been able to do to do their healing and start their healing journey? They wouldn't have ever started their, their experience of discovering God on their own and what that means for them.

Krystal Jae: 14:30

And so I'm like what's for me, what's more important? You know what I mean. Like what? Would I rather sit here and be like, oh yeah, I'm a millionaire and I have a whole bunch of money, and be like, oh yeah, I'm a millionaire and I have a whole bunch of money, or would I rather say that, while I'm coaching, people learn that God is not their trauma and they really go to him and start really experiencing the true meaning of healing. And I'd rather have the second one, even if that means that I'm broke. But I already know that God is a good God and as long as I'm doing what he wants me to do and as long as I know he's guiding me, he's going to make sure I'm taken care of, and I had to remember that. And so I was like, wow, crystal.

Krystal Jae: 15:31

And so then I was like, and then I had to remind myself OK, how did he do this? And this isn't something that's new, this is just something that you're now doing publicly, right? So why is it that you're always the one that, like people come to and everything else, one that like people come to and everything else? And and it's like one I know, like I go to God, you know, even though, like, I don't like live like this perfect life of what people think it looks like to be a Christian or it looks like to be a disciple of God, you know, you know everybody thinks like you can't do this, you can't do that. They have all this whole list of can'ts, and I was reminded this weekend that God is only one that can tell you what you can and can't do.

Krystal Jae: 16:14

And then you got to look at the disciples who followed him during his time. Right, and they all have their different things that they did and they didn't do. But nobody in his that he chose to be in his circle was none of them were perfect. So why should we, as disciples of Christ, walk around having to be perfect when the people himself that he chose wasn't perfect? And he chose those people to be around him, but he knew that each one of them had their spiritual gifts and what they needed to do to bring people closer to God and share their word. Right?

Krystal Jae: 16:56

So I'm like I'm putting one, I'm putting too much stuff on myself, right. Two, I'm too focused on what other people else think and being perfect for other people, when God is the only really person that I really care about being who I am for and he accepts me as who I am. So if anybody else don't accept me for who I am, then that's them, because I know what I am and I know what I do and I need to accept it. And along with that is accepting others on their journey and letting them go on their journey, but just showing them that love, that grace, that compassion, that hope, that faith that you know that it means to have in God. And so I'm like, I have to be like I always been, like you. I have to be like I always feel like. You know you have to be your authentic self Right. And so I show up as my authentic self and I speak as me. I speak as Crystal J, because that's who I am. You know what I mean. Like I personally, like Crystal J is who I am.

Krystal Jae: 17:58

When I went through this conversion, that's the name that God gave me was Crystal J version. That's the name that God gave me was Crystal J, and so it's like. You know, yes, I'm Crystal Sanders. You know I'm Mary, that's my married name. Yes, I'm Crystal Perry, that's who my maiden name is, and but I'm Crystal J and that's who I'm living in and that's who I show up as.

Krystal Jae: 18:20

But when it comes down to it, like I've been so focused on, okay, am I providing people with trauma informed information? Am I teaching people what it means to have self-love and self-care and all this other stuff? But I'm showing up and showing them these different things. But how many times am I showing up and just talking to them and just being like, hey, like I'm not really doing anything, let's chat like I'm not really doing anything, let's chat. And even if I have zero people on live with me at the moment when I start, I can still just sit there and talk like I'm talking to you right now, because later someone's going to play the replay and it may be a message in there that they need to hear, right, or someone may drop in right when it's something for them, right.

Krystal Jae: 19:02

So it's like just coming up and showing up and showing that love and that compassion and that grace and everything else is what I need to continue doing, and that's something that I was doing in the beginning a lot, and I stopped and I got discouraged, but I didn't realize I had gotten discouraged, I didn't realize that I had gotten off my journey that he had already cleared for me, because I'm like, ooh, the experts are saying here's this shortcut. So now I'm going down this shortcut and this shortcut is just leading me in a complete circle and the circles I really just turned into like this whole tornado and I'm in the middle and I can't get out, where God literally cleared this path for me, and, because I'm listening to experts, I don't win on this shortcut when I already have a clear path. So I have to remind myself to get back on the cleared path and really go where I'm going and follow him. And he's going to make a way, and I see that he has been moving things in my life and he has been shifting things in my life and he has been answering questions for me, you know. And so I'm just super, super excited for that, about that, because now I'm like, okay, we've been talking about all these different things that we can do and that we can try and everything else, and then, like you, and then, like you know, you've even said, like you know, just show up and just talk to them and just, you know, we just need to put your face out there and have you talk and you just say what's on top of your mind and everything else. And I'm like, yeah, of course. And so, like, whenever you send me, whenever you put the, when you send me, like, okay, this is what this road's going to be about, or whatever else, I'm like, okay, how can I, you know, am I going to say exactly what she wrote. Am I going to say, you know? Am I going to say what, that, what you know, what am I going to expand to that? Or whatever else? But I always try to stick like directly to it, real short, whatever else.

Krystal Jae: 21:00

And you know, I think a couple of times you seen where I kind of like was talking about it, but I kind of went off a little bit and it came, you know, came back, though, but, and I just went with where my spirit was leading me, you know, and so, and like now, looking back, I'm like those are the reels that, like people have been liking and everything else. And so I'm like, okay, I see you, I get it. And I'm like, okay, I need to like continue to do that. And I was like because, like, one thing I have to remember is that you know, like I see things and I'm focusing and everything else.

Krystal Jae: 21:37

But I got to also remember, like, like I think one reason why we work so well together is one you know I already told you, like I'm not, like I'm not letting you go, like you know, I see, like, like I already know, like this is where, like this is where we're going to work together, right and so, but, like you know, and then, like you know, you was like you know, like I can relate to a lot of things that you're saying and everything else, and I have to always also remember that you have the vision of being able to see from the outside what I'm doing, and you know, like OK, this is what I would really listen to, this is what I can really relate to, and so I'm like OK, and so it's like I'm getting so, it's like I had like this whole aha moment throughout this weekend and it shows you're glowing, you look like so refreshed, it's like you're already like on the spot and I think, like you know, like from everything that you said, I think, like you know, we've been trying to like, oh, I wish people knew like how good this is right.

Andrea: 22:45

But then it's like if people are not like, it's like if God was kind of like telling you you need to trust yourself first, so others trust me. Like trust you too, right.

Krystal Jae: 22:56

So like yeah, it's been like I even got goosebumps from what you were saying right now yeah, like it was like a true awakening and I really thank God for it because, like, like this weekend I was fed so much and he's like, and he answered so many questions this weekend and like, as I was leaving the workshop on Saturday, like I was leaving, I was on my way home and I was like halfway home and I just got all of a sudden like I was like halfway home and I just got all of a sudden like I was literally like at my halfway mark and I literally got like a pull, like if you continue going, you're going to have struggle, you're going to have pain, you're not going to. You know, you're not going to be that person that you can be. And then I was like, then I had this other side that was like pulling me and was like turn around. You know you need the, you know this is for you. You can have a life that you have never had before. You can have a life of peace and love. And it's going to and it's going to just enhance and continue enhancing and I'm like, I'm like what is this, what is this? Like I'm halfway home and I went a little bit longer and I went a little bit further, like continuing home, and I just felt like I started feeling like this heaviness and I was like, oh no, I don't like this.

Krystal Jae: 24:19

And so I turned around and I went back and I was on my way back and I'm praying on my way back and I'm thinking, and I'm thinking, okay, well, I must be connecting with the lady that you know, I that invited me and everything else, and so I get there and she was gone already and so I was like, okay, so I call her. She didn't answer, and so I'm like okay, god, like what do you want me to do? Like I'm back, I turned around, I chose you. You know, I chose this, what, what? I don't know what I'm choosing, but I choose this. I don't want the other thing. What's next?

Krystal Jae: 24:55

And then, as soon as he said that, as soon as I got through, like this other lady walked up and she, her car was literally parked next to where I parked at, and it just so happens that earlier that morning, her and the other lady were the ones that sat there and prayed for me and gave me a word and everything else. And so I got out the car and I started talking to her and I just start bawling, I'm like I don't know what this is. But I know God told me to turn around and I know he's telling me I'm gonna have a life of peace and happiness and even though I've already been feeling that he's going to enhance that and I'm gonna feel it like I've never felt it before and he's gonna give me so much that I have never, that I won't want for nothing. And I said, but this heaviness, I don't know what this is, I don't know why. I was feeling that I never felt a tug of war like that. Like I had like where I'm like, okay, you gotta make this decision, you gotta make that decision, but this was like something that was like literally like ripping me into pieces and I was like I don't understand this and I was like this is a new journey for me and I feel like this is fixing to up level because, like this past week, I've had heard so so much word from God, like he has been talking to me through other people so much lately and been answering my questions, and now he told me who I am. He's gonna show me what my spiritual gifts are, and when I look at my spiritual gifts and I look at what I'm doing. It all matches and I'm like it like blew me out of compulsion.

Krystal Jae: 26:26

And so she was like, can I pray for you? And I was like yeah, and so she sat down, she started praying and I was just bawling and like, while she's praying like she was, you know I just like everything just started like going away and I just started feeling lighter and I just started feeling like this whole, like other type of love start filling up in me and I was like, oh my gosh, and all I could do was thank her. And then, like you know, so then after that I left and I came home and like I didn't have that type of wear, I didn't have all that, but I didn't understand it. And so then, like I'm talking, so then, like me and my husband go for a ride, and so I'm like telling him, I'm like I don't fully understand this, I don't know what it is. He was like he goes, what you saying? He was like you're just going in circles, and I'm like, and then I had to remember. I'm like, okay, god, I remember, like this is something for me and you not necessarily like, even though, like I'm close to my husband, even though I like I want to involve him in this change. Whatever I go through, he's not going to understand because it's not for him, it's for me, and so I had to remember that.

Krystal Jae: 27:39

And so then that's when I kind of went on like I ain't gonna say about silence, but then, like I went more of thinking inward and listening inward, which I wasn't talking as much because I was spending a more, a lot more time in silence and just really listening. And the last like, and so ever since Saturday, that's how I've been I've really been just more into really listening inward and not really speaking too much outward, ever since I had that conversation with my husband, and having that remembrance of this is for me, he is for me to understand, and and I'm like he's really been talking to me, and one thing about it is we have to have the ears open, our heart open, our spirit ready to embrace him to where he can really speak with us. And so like, even though, like I went to, like I went to a different church, they invited me to their church and everything else to like kind of experience something different, you know, I'm just really trying to trying to, you know, see where God is leading me right. And so then, like I went with my mom and so I'm like you know, and I know she was like dang, she's not even that chatty, you know, like I wasn't really chatty, she'll ask me a question, I'll answer it, and everything else, but I wasn't really chatty, you know, and and it wasn't like I was like saying like, oh, don't talk to me, or anything like that, because I didn't feel that way at all. My spirit was just listening for God, so I didn't have any words for anything else. And it wasn't until this morning to when I woke up and I well, no, actually it was last night.

Krystal Jae: 29:26

Last night, when I took a shower, I got into bed and I have this I posted a reel with it but I have this board on my side of the bed, on the wall. It's literally, if I roll over over, it's right there in my face. So and it was like this whole quote just reminded me that you know, you got this, you're building a legacy right, and it's been on my wall for years, like probably like two, three years now, same quote. The only time it changed was one time. And what I'm? The only thing that changed was it went from my handwriting to my daughter's handwriting, because I had wrote it. And then my daughter was like mom, and then she came in and she wrote it all over again and she just you know, because she's one around the board so she wrote the same thing on the board and I just left it. So it's been the same thing for years.

Krystal Jae: 30:17

And last night, after I took a shower, and my husband he's playing the game and I usually, while he's playing the game, I'm usually in my bed. I'm either reading a book I'm usually doing some kind of work. I'm either or you know, I'm praying, or I'm meditating, or I'm listening to something, or, you know, sometimes I'm just scrolling Facebook or Instagram or TikTok or whatever else. And last night I got there and I got in bed and I sat down and then I looked at that board and something was like change it. And so I started looking for a marker so I can change it. So then I went in and I cleaned it. I took it off the wall and I cleaned it, and so I'm like, okay, I'm just going to put you know, affirmations on it, empowering statements on it, empowering statements on it. That's what I'm going to put on it. And so I literally started writing. You know, you know you are intelligent and beautiful and you know, this whole thing, like my first one, is like an empowering statement to myself. And then after that, that was God talking Cause it was all about his love and his grace and his mercy and the changes that he's making in my life and reminding myself to really listen to him and everything else, and it was nothing of what I anticipated.

Krystal Jae: 31:35

On writing on that board and then at the bottom I was like you know, I put like one, two, three, four, and I was like okay, pray, meditate, obey and put your armor on. And I was like you know and so, and like those. And so then I was like you know, those are like what I do in the morning, like I, the morning, I get up, pray, I meditate and you know I meditate and then I'll get up or whatever else. Right, and I've really been practicing like obeying god and thinking, doing what like I think he wants me to do. And of course, there's going to come struggles with that, because the devil's saying he really don't like that, you know. So this he's going to attack us in different ways and if he can't get to us, he's gonna get to the other people with, or he's gonna use our words and switch them to what they aren't right, like we already know these things.

Krystal Jae: 32:23

And so I think that was also my vow of silence, of my spiritual silence, because I wasn't silenced with my tongue. I wasn't silenced with my tongue, I wasn't silenced with my heart. It was more of the spiritual silence that I went through the last three days or last four days, and so you know, and so I have to remember that and so, like, with seeing all of that, I'm like I have to remember who he is and remember those things, because it's like I had told my husband, my husband, like I've just been really disturbed, and I told my and um, because I've been really disturbed because, like with the whole shooting incident and everything else in the park, whatever else, like my husband said something and I it got twisted and I thought it meant one thing and it didn't. And then I said something and then it got twisted and it and the other person took it as I meant something and it didn't. And so then, like you know, so it's like you know, I just it's just been really heavy. I'm like God, like why isn't there? Why isn't there any clarity? Right Cause I'm always like I want clarity. Why isn't there any clarity? And like it's just been bothering me? And so, like you know, I was talking to my husband and I was like you know what? And I said something about the armor of God and I was like you know what, I was like I keep acting and I was like and I keep trying to fix things. And I said, and I got to remember that I need that, I wear, that I need the armor of God and that I need to put that on every day and keep it on right. I shouldn't ever take it off. And he was like, well, you did, he goes. You did do a sermon about that. You did speak about that in church. And I was like, I know, I was like I did. And then that's when it got me thinking about all my other things that I spoke about in church and it was talking about hope and it was talking about being one with God and it was talking about, you know, the armor guy and I just just am like.

Krystal Jae: 34:32

One thing about like when I speak in church is that I don't go with what I want to go with. I always ask God, okay, god, like, what do you want me to talk about? What should I do? Like, what scripture should I go based off of? And I let him lead me, and then, whatever scripture that like he lead me to, that's what I study, that's what I go deep in and that's what I look at other you know how usually one scripture usually go to another scripture or whatever else.

Krystal Jae: 35:04

And so, really just going about that subject, and then that's how I speak on it, and I was like, and I started thinking about those things. You know, it's like, okay, these are also things that like I've really been like placing in my life and things that like I really need to stay steadfast on. And I'm like whoa, like you know, like I've always asked him, like you know, talk to me or whatever. And I know he was talking through me and you know, and and of course, like you know what you say, you want to be also be that model for right. And so then, and it's like you know, I got to remember he don't like that last message, because that last message was the one about the armor of God and Satan.

Krystal Jae: 35:52

He ain't going to like that. He don't want us to walk around with that. So of course he's going to be attacking me, of course he's going to be putting doubt in my head, of course he's going to be, like, like, attacking other people around me as well, because he knows that, like, at the end of the day, I love, I love my people. Whether I talk to them every day or whether I don't, whether we are strange and whether we're not, I still love my people. There are people who you know we don't, whether we are estranged and whether we're not, I still love my people. There are people who you know we don't talk anymore, but I still love you.

Krystal Jae: 36:26

But I understand that we're on our own separate journeys and if God want us back together, he's going to put us back together, right, but it's not for me to do and I'm not going to be around you. I'm not going to put this whole fake thing on you or whatever else, but I'm not going to, you know, put this whole fake thing on you or whatever else, because I'm not going to fake it with God. So I'm not going to fake it with you. Yeah, right, and so I'm like, and so I had to like, really remember that because, like with the armor of God, I had so many people like messaging me and talking to me after they listened to that and after they did whatever else, and I was like that touched more people than and Satan didn't like that.

Krystal Jae: 37:08

And so it was like ever since then, like I haven't, I haven't like went and I haven't spoke his word Right, I haven't spoke his words. Like I went in church and spoke his word. You know I haven't done his word right. I haven't spoke his words like I went in church and spoke his word. You know I haven't done a sermon or anything like that and so like I haven't spoke his word or whatever. In that kind of atmosphere since the armor of God, right, and since the armor of God, I've literally been in this battle. For months I've been in this battle so it finally makes sense, right and so it finally makes sense why all this is happening.

Krystal Jae: 37:49

And so I'm like, okay, I see you. And so now it's like okay, like I gotta show back up and got to show up with love's empathy and with his grace and with his compassion and with his love, because this isn't just for me, but he is also using me as an example, because it's not for everybody to be like okay, well, she comes on, she talks about God. Cause I was like okay, god, how do you want me to show up, like do I go on and just really talk about you? Do you want me to start coming on and doing sermons about you? Do I got to do whatever? And then he also remembered, he also reminded me. He was like you know what, before you started speaking publicly in church about me, you was speaking about me to other people, right? And so then he reminded me because it was like you know, there's like the whole reason that I ended up like speaking in church the very first time was because, like my grandmother, she's a missionary, she's the missionary president at our church, and so, like, fifth sunday's missionary sunday, and so you know, it's her program, so she finds a speaker and all this other stuff. And so she was like, yeah, she still gotta find a speaker. And like we just ended up talking. And then, like I'm just talking, and when I get through talking, she said, girl, you just gave me a sermon. And I was like what? And I was like, well, I'll be your speaker. Then, as a joke, as a joke, and she was like I'm gonna ask, she goes, she goes, I'm gonna talk to pastor about it. And I was like what? And she did. And then that's when she was like, yeah, if I said you could speak whatever, whatever. And then that's how my first message came.

Krystal Jae: 39:36

And then for the next consecutive Sundays, I was speaking those Sundays until the armor of God, and with the armor of God, so many of you started coming to me. And then, you know, that's the one that's the like, the first one that I actually posted on YouTube. Because, like, when I speak, like I usually have it recording or someone's doing it live for me and I put it on just my profile page and people saying stuff. And so I was like you know, I'm just going to go ahead and put it on YouTube. So, like, I went on there and I made like this whole YouTube cover and everything else and put it on there right, and so, like, more people like messaged me and so I was like, oh, you.

Krystal Jae: 40:20

But then that's when everything kind of stopped, and then that's when I started being in this battle, and it was like Satan was like oh, you got the armor he got on, let's see how good this is going to work for you. Let me see if I can get you to take it all. And it was like he was like weakening it and weakening it and weakening it and weakening it and weakening it. And I was almost at this point to where I'm like you know what I give up. And I kept telling him. I was like you know, sometimes I want to give up. I don't know if I can keep going, and you know.

Krystal Jae: 41:03

And so it's like I put out, like you know, I may have put up a little piece of something or whatever else, and but then, gosh, god like showed up this weekend, was like don't you dare doubt me? Where is your hope in me? Where is your faith in me? Where is, where is your armor? Where is what you was talking about? Being one with me, what is this? I've shown you where you're supposed, where you're going. I've been showing you and I've been giving you messages to give to people and you've been doing that and all of a sudden you stopped what is this?

Krystal Jae: 41:28

And I was like, okay, I hear you and so, yeah, I just need to show up and I need to have faith and I need to remember that I do have my armor on and that Satan can get to me, and I know that there's going to be even more battles and I know that he's going to attack even more people around me because he's going to be trying to get to me. But I also know that having the prayer of protection around them is going to keep them safe, because God is not going to allow any ill come to anybody that's surrounded to me. He's not gonna let any harm come to them because, as long as I'm going in what he's in his words and I'm, and we're praying together and we're making sure that they're protected and they're covered, he's not going to let anything happen to them. They're protected and they're covered. He's not going to let anything happen to them. They might be able to go on their own little journey, but it's going to be a journey that he may need them to go on, but he's going to protect them, he's not going to allow no true harm to come to them. And so I have to remember that and I'm like, okay, I'm going to walk in that truth and I'm going to show up, because half the time when I talk I don't know that I'm like, okay, I'm going to walk in that truth and I'm going to show up, because at the time when I talk, I don't know that I'm giving somebody a message. Or sometimes I may feel like, okay, I feel like he wants me to say this and so I just say it, like I don't be like what God wants me to say. Or God told me, you know, I just say it because they need to hear it. And, like I said, some people when they hear that big G there, they immediately turn off. Yeah, but if they are already seeing you and already talking with you and everything else, then they're going to and they're listening to you. They're going to continue to listen and see what they can hear and what they can understand and what they can receive. And that's how God has been getting with people through me and I've just been very honest and loving and showing his compassion and his grace and everything else and that's what's been bringing people closer to him.

Krystal Jae: 43:38

And it wasn't until Saturday when I literally sat there and I was introducing myself and I told people, like you know, I, you know, I help, I remind people that their trauma is not of God, and then they start embracing him again and they get closer to him. And when I said that, like I was like oh shoot, like that was him talking to me, even though I was letting it come out my mouth and say it to someone else. I've never said that and I've never even put the two together. But once he used me as my own, you know, as my own messenger, it clicked and I was like, oh shoot, and that's why I went through this whole like spiritual quietness, and so, like that's why, like this weekend I didn't really post anything extra. I didn't really, you know, say anything to anybody really Like you know, like anything to anybody, really Like you know, like I was talking to people as they were talking to me, but I was really like spiritually opening to him.

Krystal Jae: 44:47

And it was like I went on this like as soon as I realized it and as soon as I had that one prayer, it was like my spirit just went to, like this spiritual silence, so it can really embrace what he was saying. So then that way I can understand it, where I can remember and I've been on the silence since Saturday and it wasn't until last night where I just really let things out and then received his message for me, basically, like I said, that board does nothing of me. So for that first line, and I was like so this morning when I woke up, I was like man, like I felt so sad, I felt so free, I felt so like let's go and it's like of, of course I'm like I'm broke, I need some money, but at the same time I'm like no, like I'm ready to show up and just talk because I don't know, so that God can be able to use me. But I want to just talk out the side of my butt, I want to talk from my spirit that he's going to connect me like my spirit is connected with his Holy Spirit, that he's going to connect me like my spirit is connected with his holy spirit and that's going to be what I talk from and and everything else, so in that way he can continue to use me to remind people that their trauma isn't of him because, like and a lot of people probably like, why, why are you saying that that trauma is in him? Because if he didn't, if he, if, if he really loved me, he wouldn't allow me to go through these things.

Krystal Jae: 46:30

But yes, and I understand that and I can easily say that as well, like I didn't experience physical abuse, I didn't. I didn't did sexual abuse, several couple of times I've been broken, I've been down to zero. I didn't have the whole, all the things, and I even been the one that's been toxic before and but I know for each one I've learned a lesson and for years I've said I don't necessarily say I regret things, but I know that I've learned a lesson. And for years I've said I don't necessarily say I regret things, but I know that I've learned, definitely learned, lessons. There are lessons that I needed to learn from them and I thank him for giving me that wisdom to see that there were more of lessons and not regrets and not punishments or whatever else. I have lessons, not saying that he was the one that was like oh yeah, go abuse her. Yeah, go rape her. Yeah, go do this to her. It's not that.

Krystal Jae: 47:26

But you know, satan does his things and God was there to save me, he was there to comfort me, he was there to help me when other people weren't, because a lot of times people were like, oh, you'll get through it. I've heard that so many times, you'll get through it or you'll be okay, or just pray. And it's like, oh, I'm praying, but I also need some comfort, I need this or whatever else, not knowing that my comfort is going further and with him, or not knowing that people are telling me you know, oh, you'll be okay, because it may be something that they've experienced and they buried, and they just been like, okay, I'm just going to live life, even though I'm hurting. He doesn't want us to live this life suffering in silence. That's not the life he has for us. But we don't know that, unless someone teaches us that. And so he taught me that. He taught me that and so he taught me that. He taught me that. No one else taught me that.

Krystal Jae: 48:26

And it took me to be completely broken to open my heart and my spirit to him. And when I opened my heart and spirit to him, that's when I really started getting attacked, when I was already down and then, embracing him, I started coming up and doing the research and doing this whole trauma. Like I went into trauma, heavy, but with that is how he'd been connecting me with other people that either had words for me or I had words for them, and so I'm like whoa. And so now I'm like, okay, let's continue to do this Because, like I tell people, like this journey it's not easy, but with God anything can be easier because he has this path that he's already cleared out for us and we just got to trust in him. And I have to remember that because, like I even seen the spiritual warfare, because, like you know, like I've shared before, you know, in some of my things, like you know, um, actually in the armor of god is when I really shared it.

Krystal Jae: 49:40

I shared it where you know, I literally woke up to an evil spirit trying to suck, like, the life out of me and I'm yelling, telling it to like leave me alone and everything else. And then I started saying get behind. I started yelling out different scriptures, some of the scriptures I didn't even know I had memorized. And and like I'm telling you, you know, like I just continue, and like I'm yelling and I'm looking at my husband. I see him sleeping. I see him snoring and I'm like, why isn't he not hearing me? And I'm like, okay, and I'm just like go to God again and I just keep on.

Krystal Jae: 50:14

God, help me, god, break this. But God, you said that you're going to be here for me. You said that you're going to protect me. Help me, devil, get thee behind. You cannot have me. And then it was like you know, I mean, and so it's like, and I've had this whole little thing, and so it's like that was the moment that, like, I really put my armor on, because I told him, like you're to protect me, you know, and so it's like I have to remember, like you know, it's going to be those things and those are the type of things that he wants me to share, but I haven't been sharing those things and this would be amazing for a podcast episode.

Krystal Jae: 50:59

You know, this awakening or this realization, I'm totally hooked on it maybe we'll just post it and be like you know what this is like. We're supposed to be meeting, talking about what's our next strategy and what we're going to be doing this weekend. It just turned into this whole other thing, but like I feel like just being led and being going and that's more of the ministry has for me, like I don't have no, okay, this is going to be set, this is going to be whatever, like yes, of course we're going to continue with you know the plan that we have laid out on what we're supposed to do or whatever else and and everything else, but this is what is missing.

Krystal Jae: 51:44

This is what he wants me. Yeah, that's what he wants, and this is me just being open with my journey. And that's what he wants is to share that, because that's the best way I can. That's the best way I can help people by showing them. And then, like you know, when people, when people meet me for coaching sessions, they lead the coaching sessions. I'm just there to empower you and to guide you. And and then if you want to be like, okay, like what should I do? Okay, let's break it down. Or if you're struggling with something, let's break it down. Or sometimes you're like you know, I just want to become a better person, but I don't know what this is. Okay, let's find it out. And that's why I start with.

Krystal Jae: 52:31

What is trauma? That's why I start with okay, let's do some selfreflection. And I start with those things on purpose, because a lot of times we don't realize that it's trauma that has put different things in our life to where now we can't move forward. You know, because the trauma itself doesn't stay. You don't continue getting abused consistently after the abuse didn't happen. The abuse didn't happen and it's gone, but it leaves pain, it leaves shame, it leaves guilt, it leaves self-doubt, it leaves confusion. It leaves all these different things and that's what we're battling and that's why I call it the residue of trauma, Because that's what we're battling and that's why I call it the residue of trauma, because that's what we're fighting.

Krystal Jae: 53:22

And just like, when we get like a smudge or residue from something on like our clothes or on our phones or whatever else, it takes us to clean it. And sometimes it's like we're just smearing it and we're not getting rid of it and we're like, okay, whatever, I give up, right, getting rid of it. And we're like, okay, whatever, I give up, right, you know, and it's like you know, like you know, when we wear glasses, you know we're sitting up there and we're like, okay, like I got this little smudge mark, let me go ahead and clean it with my shirt real quick and you know I'm very quick at cleaning my with my shirt or whatever, because, like you know, I don't wear my glasses all the time, I wear them when I read sometimes. And so, like I sit there and I and I stood and it's like smudged and I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, let me try it again. Okay, like this is the right type of material to clean it.

Krystal Jae: 54:00

So why isn't it not getting clean? Why can't I see right? And so then you might get all this extra stuff and like, when I get, like really I'll get the glass cleaner and I'm, like you know, trying to get them all clean or whatever else and sometimes it's like that smudge just really just spreads across the glass when it may have been just one little dot at first. And so a lot of times when we try to clear that dot and clear that shame or clear that guilt, we think that we're going the right way to clean it, when we're really going the wrong way and we just smear it. But then when we finally figure out the right way, it clears up and we're like, oh, clarity, like that's gone. Finally I can see, yeah, that's the same thing with our journey in life and with how it feels when we really embrace who we are and when we really embrace, you know, god and the gifts that he has for us and the things that he do for us, and it's like whoa, you know.

Andrea: 55:06

And everything. Like you know, I don't know like everything is right now Also coming a little clear for me. You know, I think it's definitely not coincidence that we were kind of like made a match on Upwork just because, well, everything that you're talking about, like recently, like remember that I mentioned that I was going to therapy, this is the first time I am actually treating the abuse I also suffered, like sexual abuse from when I was three years old all the way to 12 years old, for by someone like really close in my family. So it was like the first time I'm like trying to deal with it. You know, like I actually open up with someone who really understands and knows like trauma and everything, and it's like everything that you say so also really resonates with me, like trauma and everything, and it's like everything that you say so also really resonates with me.

Andrea: 55:55

I'm also haven't really been too close to God because of that same reason. You know, because, like you know, my family was always very super catholic and it was like it almost sometimes seemed like like it was like obsession, not really like you're not really, like you are going to church and that's like that's everything, but you're not really practicing what are going to church and that's like that's everything, but you're not really practicing what you preach. Or also it really felt like hypocritical to me. But now it's like I don't know, like like being in contact with you and everything that you do and everything that you say, and it's like I've been, like my spirituality has been a little bit bigger, like ever since we started, uh, working together and it's like I don't know, it's like I can also feel, you know, like the impact of the things that you are trying to, um, like you know, get out in the world too. So it's also helping me and I don't know, I don't feel, I don't think it's coincidence at all. I think like there really is like the path.

Krystal Jae: 56:52

everything is aligning for you too yes, oh, thank god, like I don't know. Like I said, like you know, it's this connection and that's why I really just really been like like I know it's him, you know, and so that's why I'm like, okay, we're going to make this happen, we're going to make this work and, you know, him putting you into my life, like he's really shown me. Like I told you, I'm going to make this happen, we're going to make this work and you know him putting you into my life, like he's really shown me. Like I told you, I'm going to be there, I'm going to give you the support that you need. And he's actually like been doing that, you know, through you and with you.

Krystal Jae: 57:24

You know, because, like you know, I'm like I could just put like a subject down and then, like you, kind of like it's like you automatically know like my voice and the way I would say things and the way to kind of word things and to put things and everything else. And it was like I was like, oh my gosh, like you know, I was like I thought it was going to be a whole minute to really because that's something that's kind of hard to get is someone's brand their voice to where you can speak into it, to where you can just really do it. And it's like you know, like you kind of like looked at a few things and you kind of immersed yourself in in like the different things that I've done. And then it's like, boom, here you are and you're again and like the things, you're like, hey, can you expand on this? And I'll just sit there and I expand on it. You know, but he's also showing me like, hey, like I'm freeing up this space, but I'm freeing up this space for a reason and like you know, and I'm thinking, okay, well, if she's focusing on the main things, then I can focus more on bringing more of the trauma aspect in. And it's like and I've been really focused on that because that's where I've really been doing a lot of training in but, yes, he wants me to know those things, but he also wants me to speak. And that's why he's freed me up.

Krystal Jae: 58:38

And he's used you to kind of help me get to that place. And he's been using you to remind me hey, you need to show up. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to show and talk about trauma. And you're like no, show up, be yourself. And I remember like one time you said that and I was like I am showing up as myself, what is she talking about, you know? And I really like what is she talking about? Like I am showing up as myself.

Krystal Jae: 59:05

And then and now I know like he was using you to tell me like, hey, I need you to just show up, I don't need you to come on and have a script and have notes or whatever else, I need you to just show up, trust me, have hope in me, and that's what he's been really using you for when some of the things is clearing up that space, so that way I can have space for him and not be so focused on creating the content or whatever else. And I thank God for that. And I thank God for you Because, just as much as you know, you say like you know I've helped you. You have helped me, and it's more than just you helping me as being my VA. You've helped me in other different areas, just by speaking. What you feel like needs to be said at that moment, because it's like sometimes it may not click at that time but it clicks later and so, yeah, I think that's, yeah, I think that's just awesome you know, absolutely.

Andrea: 1:00:11

I am like I just got goosebumps all the way, like ever since we started talking today, and I'm definitely definitely excited for you because I see, like you know, I see like how you're glowing and like everything that you like, there's a lot of things running in your mind right now that, once we put them to action, I think everything is going to come like falling in place, like you mentioned.

Andrea: 1:00:32

Like, sometimes, whenever we are kind of like concentrated perhaps in the money or or, and I because I know like we all need to do something for a living right, we all need an income, and that's normal but then it's like remembering that you really really like doing this, that you're actually doing, like having an impact in the world, that it's actually God, like speaking through you to help other people, like that's even stronger and it has like I don't know, it's like an energetic force or something like that that draws people in more than if we were chasing like the money or or the fame or whatever it is right, yeah, and so, like, I just think that is that reminder.

Krystal Jae: 1:01:12

You know that reminder. You know I've just been like. You know I'm like. You know I love clarity and I definitely have been a lot more clear on this healing journey that I've been on these last few years and I just really and that's why I share it so much, because it's life is so much different than what it is before you know, like, yeah, things happen and yeah, disagreements happen, and, yeah, you know, there's been times where I've been like wow, like why does that have to be like that? But you know, I also know like the impact that it has on me now and the impact that it has on me before are two totally different things.

Krystal Jae: 1:01:50

And and I knowing to show up as, as, as who God has placed me to be, and show up as my healing self, because you know, like I told people, like you know, this is a healing journey. It's not like I'm like, okay, I reached my destination and I'm done. No, like you continue to go, and that's why I'm like, oh, you definitely have to have empowerment. This is definitely going to be a transformational experience if you trust it. You know, because I know, because I've done it, I've walked through it, I've seen others do it, and it's like that's why I share it, that's why I'm like here, do this, listen to me. And I think that's why sometimes I get frustrated, because I'm like, look, this would be so amazing. And then, like that's why sometimes I get frustrated because I'm like, look, this would be so amazing. And then like that's why I think I also get frustrated when people be like, oh my gosh, you're amazing at what you do and I love what you're doing. And da, da, da. And I'm like, well, if you love what I'm doing, then you need to send me some people.

Krystal Jae: 1:02:46

But at the end of the day, I don't. I rather, yes, it's good to have resources, yes, it's great to have strategic partnerships, but the one thing that I rather have than anything is to be working with the people that God wants me to work with, the people that he puts in the path that he wants me to impact. So, whether that's coming from him and that person comes to me directly, or he uses somebody else to bring those people to me, that is what's more important than anything because, like you know, like I was just telling you about, like you know, I was excited about, you know. I was like, you know, I'm gonna have to go back to this nine to five thing and everything else and I'm like, oh, I really feel like that's not what he wants me to do and but I need money, so I have to do it or whatever else. And I wasn't, you know, I was like about to start somewhere or whatever else and then, like he put, he put it to where there was not like thought there was clarity, and then he put to where, like there was things in the way, to where we couldn't connect to make that happen successfully, where us meeting in person, as meeting in flesh, we were able to like, really be like okay, this is what it is, this is how it's going to be, think we have this whole clarity thing going.

Krystal Jae: 1:04:05

And then I received the offer letter and it's like hold on, this isn't everything that we talked about. And so I was like, well, maybe that's going to come, I want to just trust we talked about. And so I was like, well, maybe that's going to come, I want to just trust it. And then I prayed and I was like God, like what should I do about it? And then he was like you know, he led me to my husband. So I talked to my husband about it and then, you know, we talked about it, whatever else, and he was like you probably just want to just go ahead and get some clarity, just say whatever you know. And so then I really like write that this whole email thing or whatever else, and it kind of mattered like we were in two totally different spots, like the things we grew, we agreed on in person, changed from the time that I received the offer letter and it was totally different, you know. And so I was like oh no, and I was like god and I was like oh no, and I was like God and I'm like this isn't for me, because if it was for me, it would have stayed the way that we agreed on. And so when it was like you know what, we're seeing two totally different ways of things, you got separate ways I was like, oops, yes, I totally agree, because this is not what God has for me. I totally agree, because this is not what God has for me. And he placed those. He placed those blocks on purpose because, once again, what was I about to do? I was about to go down this freaking shortcut that he doesn't want me to go down. He's like I'm.

Krystal Jae: 1:05:25

You said that you needed to be taking, that you needed your bills to be taken care of. I blessed your husband, you know. You said that you needed clarity, you needed growth, you needed, you wanted a more, you wanted even more, an even bigger connection with your husband. I've done that. So if I'm giving you what you need and what you want, why are you still trying to go down this shortcut? And I had to be like you know, with that. I'm sorry, I know, but you know, but, but I still need to. And he's like no, you don't, I've already made a way.

Krystal Jae: 1:06:04

And then he used that and he let me know by, like my husband speaking to me and the things that he was saying, the way he's been feeding me and the way he's been doing, the revelations that he's been having. And I've been like, oh, dang God, I see you Okay. Like, like my bad, like I'm going to step out of you know, I'm going to get the flesh first off the way and I'm going to step into crystal J that you created me, as you know, the person who is connected with you, my spirit, is connected to your holy spirit and you're using me and I know that you're using me. You've been showing me the visions, so I gotta trust in that and I gotta lead in that. And so, like that's why I'm like, okay, because I was about to take another shortcut and that's not what he wanted. And he blocked that and I thank him for that, because any other time I would have sat there and went down the shortcut and still been in the circle. And now I'm like he's like you know what, I'm tired of playing with you. He just blocked it. Like if I told you how different what me and me and this person like agreed on in person, and then what it was written, I was like, oh no. And so now I'm just like you know what, I'm just gonna walk in faith, like God has. You know, I'm gonna continue to put my armor on.

Krystal Jae: 1:07:22

And so this morning, like I made sure I woke up and I made sure that I'm like I like look, let's make sure I have this armor on. You know, let's make sure that I'm walking in you and you're following me, or whatever else. And then like one thing that like surprised me was like I could have sworn earlier today. I looked at my because, like I have two phones I have the business phone, I have my personal phone, and so, like the person that I met with last week, networking, I gave her my business phone number because you know it's networking. So I'm thinking, like you know it's gonna be business, but it ended up being like a spiritual connection.

Krystal Jae: 1:07:58

And then, like, and so, like I could have swore, like when I woke up I looked at that phone, I didn't see no messages. And so then, after I went ahead and did my prayer and my meditation and just really sat and listened and everything else, and then I went to look at the phone again, um, to just be like what's on it? Because, like I haven't, I was like I forgot to put it back on, I forgot to turn my ringer back on, and so I went, looked at it and I had a message from her, from eight something, this morning, and I looked at my phone since then and I didn't see it. And then it's like, hey, you know, let's meet up, you know let's connect, whatever else. And I was like God, I see you. And so I'm like, thank you, you know, because he's showing up and he's showing out, and I'm just grateful. And then, like I don't know.

Krystal Jae: 1:08:49

And then, like you know, and then, like how you mentioned earlier, you was like this would be a great podcast episode and like for me, I was like God, I guess I'm glad to put like this podcast thing to the side because, like, I've literally been looking for people to connect with for the podcast, to start it back up, and I was like, why is this so hard? Because I look at somebody. I'm like, no, that's not the person you know. Cause I'm like really trying to make sure, like there's this connection. It's like, yeah, reach out to this person. And it hasn't been. That's why I didn't put it on there to where it'd be.

Krystal Jae: 1:09:19

Like, hey, if you do, da da, da da, let's connect. Cause in that way, okay, let me go and look. So I'm like looking in these different groups of people wanting to be guests and looking at different people on my page and everything else, and being like God, like I don't know what to do, like like I guess I'm putting it to the side for now, maybe that's not what I need to do. And then, like, here we are having this conversation, and then, like, as I'm speaking, I'm like dang like, why can't I just you know? And then that's when it's like, and then that's when, like later on, you say this would be a good podcast, and I'm like you know what?

Andrea: 1:09:56

that's what this is gonna be and maybe like it's like you, you don't really need someone right now. It's enough with just you like really showing up, as you mentioned, and like telling your story and and yeah, and, and that's gonna happen in the way you know, like whenever you're not looking for something, you like it comes your way, but whenever you're trying to search for it, it's like you can't find it.

Krystal Jae: 1:10:20

Right, exactly. And then that also reminds me of like you know, when I started my podcast, you know it was more of like creating your own stage, right, and with that, like I had like like different, like I had different subjects to talk about and I was like, okay, like this is what's going, this is going to be about, this is what's going to be about all these different things, just like the whole content plan that we have right. And so you know, of course, like people are like seeing it and they agreeing with it. They're like, oh my gosh, that helped me, and da, da, da. But then it's like, and, and you know, I'm like okay, why am I keep getting friends on? Well, first of all, I'm working out of crystal. I'm not working out of crystal j, and that's the problem. And so now it's time for like, yeah, I showed up and I did these episodes and I did a lot of things of teaching, but what's better than teaching is showing and sharing your experience, and now that's what it's time for. That's what makes the difference, that's what I'm here for.

Krystal Jae: 1:11:29

That's one thing that I've always done, you know, that's why I was like, you know, when people be like how did you get into this, like I always have a lot of topics. They always ask me, how did you get into this? And I was like, really, it started years ago because me and the sister that I was raised with we're 10 years apart and she started coming to me asking me for advice. Or I would go to her and be like, hey, learn from my lessons. And that's one thing I tell her even today learn from my lessons, be better than me. And so, seeing the woman that she is, I'm so super proud of her because she took that and she's literally making sure that she's learning and she's making her own experiences. But she's also looking at me and learning from the mistakes that I've made and learning from my experiences. Okay, when Crystal did this, like okay, that was really good, oh, that wasn't really, didn't really work. You know she's really doing that and that's why I started. I totally did learn from my lesson to learn from my lesson.

Krystal Jae: 1:12:35

So if I'm telling one the first people that I really knew how to love to learn from my lessons, and it goes with the same thing with my oldest, my oldest, my oldest like me and him, like you know, I was 18 when I had him. You know, I was like a few weeks shy of my 19th birthday when I had him and and for me and him, that's when I really started learning how to be a woman, really learn how to start really loving someone, like truly loving them, not because you're family, not because whatever, but truly loving someone and truly caring about anything. Because before I was just a follower and I knew I was a follower and I didn't care, I was having fun, so I didn't care, I was having fun, so I didn't care. But having him made me be like, okay, I do care now and I need to change this. Yeah, you know, and so it's like, and so like.

Krystal Jae: 1:13:24

That's one thing I've always told him like since he's been older learn from my lessons. And so like me telling him to learn from my lessons, like I even seem to wear, like, like to wear a toxic person tried to sit there and put toxicity in his mind and he was able to block that stuff because I told him to learn from my lessons. And for him to learn from my lessons, I had to share that with him, and that's one thing with him I've always done. I've always shared everything. I always share things with him, and so he knows a lot of my story. He knows a lot of what I've been through. He knows, like, a lot of things where people be like, didn't your child know that? Yeah, he knows that because I want him to learn from that, I want him to be better than me and besides me just saying do this and do that Lots of like, do this, do that lots of like, do this, do that like. Why should?

Andrea: 1:14:12

I do this to do that and it helps a lot when you're growing up, you know like, like wonder, like, like really knowing all of that insight from you and like it really makes them like I feel like my parents were like I don't know. They thought maybe like oh, you wouldn't understand, or whatever. Like they're very we're very not not sharing about feelings or stuff like that in my family. But I feel like hearing you saying that now it's like I feel it would be, it would have been like easier for me to understand some stuff as I grew up. You know, like, why things were like that way or or why we were acting this way or stuff like that. So, absolutely, I think it's great that you you were able to do this with your kid.

Krystal Jae: 1:14:54

Yeah, you know, and that's one thing that like, that's why I share. So that's why I was like, okay, I have to remember, it's not about just necessarily teaching, it's also about the sharing part, and the experiences part is what's going to help as well, because me doing that is what kind of helped my sister, is what helped my oldest, it's what kind of helped, you know, the other people or whatever else, because I always tell people learn from my lessons. You know, like when people come to me, I mean like, well, look, you know like they're like, yeah, I've been in this situation, whatever else, I'm like you know what? Now I tell them like a similar story that I've been through won't be the exact same situation, but it'd be a similar one, and be like look, you know, this is where this is what I chose and this is where it led me, but this was the other option, and then I'll leave it up to them to decide okay, what option do I need to make for me? Because it's not for me to decide like, hey, you need to do this, not, that's not my place, and so doing that is what has gotten me further. Doing that is what has had me have the connections that I've had, and and like trying to allow anything to come in and distance. That is what continues to like break things down, continue to put blocks in my life and everything else, when all I have to do is just show up and live the life that share my experiences, live the life that God has blessed me with and accept this journey that he has put me on. And to quit freaking, taking shortcuts, you know.

Krystal Jae: 1:16:34

And then like, and then like one thing that, like, I ended up asking this weekend. I was like what is what? Do I have to give up to fully accept these spiritual gifts? What do I have to give up? And the best answer that I received was he will let you know, god will let you know. And when I heard that, I was like oh dang, I've been so focused on okay, I want to go down this spiritual journey, I want to accept my spiritual gifts. But then I was like but then when am I going to give up? And so then, like, I'm thinking about what, like you hear, like, because you're a Christian, you can't do this, or you can't do that, or you can't, whatever, you can't. Blah, blah, blah, blah, right. And I'm like where does God say that at? And then I started thinking about the people who was following him, that he put around him, and I'm like why am I focused on what I gotta give up? All he wants me to do is be faithful to him and say his words and do what he wants me to do and show his love, his strength and his mercy. And if I end up giving something up, then I just end up giving something up.

Krystal Jae: 1:17:47

And then one thing that I even thought about was like okay, like you know, like, I used to drink, like I wasn't ever an alcoholic, but I used to drink a lot, and you know, especially like, and I used to think like, in order for me to have fun, I had to be tipsy. But then all of a sudden, I was like I didn't really drink and it's like now like I drink, but I drink like every now and then, and it's like never to the point to where I'm like fully drunk or whatever else, and it's like. And so, like you know, I'm like. Before I was like dang like Crystal, you're not any fun, no more, you don't drink. But then I realized I'm like Crystal, you've been having fun like.

Krystal Jae: 1:18:28

I went out to, like you know, downtown Round Rock, which is, like you know, 20 minutes from me, and with my sister and my sister-in-law, and we had a good time and everything else. And I'm like I didn't get drunk then, you know. And then I'm like, you know, we've had you know we didn't have, you know different gatherings here at the house and I had fun. I didn't get drunk then. So he's showing me like and that's one thing I didn't realize.

Krystal Jae: 1:18:56

I didn't realize I really kind of like gave that up and even though, like I do every now and then, because, like you know, I was telling my mom, like this week when we were out, I was like, yeah, I was like, I was like I hardly ever even drank. I was like, you know, I had those little bitty bottles of like this whole like. It was like a, like I'm like fruity drinker, so it's like a little wine bottle and it's like this small, and I drank that in two separate nights. Like I drank half of it and I was like, okay, I'm done, and I put in the refrigerator and then it was like weeks later and I go back and I finish it and so, and then it's like no, like he showed me, like me like, hey, you can have fun, you can show up as yourself without that when before, because I was so, because I had all these residues or whatever else, I had to kind of like find something to mask them, to help me mask them in order for me to have fun, but I don't have to mask, not to use alcohol to mask something or for me to show up in order for me to have fun and do the things in my head and so.

Krystal Jae: 1:19:57

But I didn't realize that until that was said to me and I'm like, oh, I have, he has been clearing his study and realize it. And then I was like, ok, and then I just just started and I was like, ok, I've been really focusing on you know what other people are going to think about it or they're going to be like, oh my gosh, you cussed and you talk about God and everything else. And I'm like, well, first of all, I may let a cuss word come out my mouth every now and then or whatever else, but I don't cuss like no sailor. And believe me, when back in, oh my gosh, I used to cuss. So it's just remembering those things.

Krystal Jae: 1:20:33

Like why am I worried about what other people think why am I worried about what other people saying that like I can and can't do? Because one, I'm not perfect. The only person that walked on this earth that was perfect is Jesus himself. And so I'm not perfect and I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm perfect. I'm a disciple of Christ and I'm going to have mistakes and I'm not perfect, and I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm perfect. I'm a disciple of Christ and I'm going to have mistakes and I'm going to mess up and God is going to forgive me and he's going to, you know, forget, because he's going to accept me, because I'm God's child and everything else. And then that's another lesson I learned today.

Krystal Jae: 1:21:07

That I learned this time that I had to remember is that you know, I would say everybody always say you forgive and forget. Well, you forgive, but don't forget. And then it was reminding, like we forgive. And then we said we don't forget. But then it's like but don't God forget? So why can't we? Why, why are we? Why do we forget?

Krystal Jae: 1:21:26

And I was like you know, I'm like there's this one person who, like I, literally hated for years and then I started following God and I was like, okay, god forgave, so it's not my place to not forget, so I forgave. But I was like I'm not going to forget and I'm like and so when I heard that this weekend, I was like, oh my gosh, forgetting is why sometimes you get those doubts placed in your head, because you're like I forgive you but I don't forget. And since you're not forgetting, you're reminding yourself constantly and that's placing doubt in your head that leads you down this whole little thing. Right, but if you would have forgive and forget, what's going to keep having this? What can plant this self-doubt in you?

Andrea: 1:22:13

yeah, you would just like go free and continue on right, and isn't that what he wants for us?

Krystal Jae: 1:22:19

he don't want us to live with self-doubt and confusion and all this other stuff. So, along with that forgiveness, we have to also forget. And so then it, and then it was like okay, then you have that, that whole thing of you know. There's this whole thing you're like can't remember exactly, but it's like you know, um, do me wrong once, shame on you. Or and then do me second times, you know, shame on me or whatever else right. And then it's like but then that's making you forget. And then basically you're saying like, okay, well, shame on me, it's my fault. Where, where in it does it say that it's your fault? Can you control what someone else does?

Andrea: 1:23:05

And I've always, like you know, I've always been someone who like, for example, I get mad or someone does something to to me and it's like I'm mad for a little moment and then I just forget and go on and it's like nothing happened, like at the end of the week or whatever right. And sometimes I've I've seen that, like the way you mentioned it, like that's not good, because that's why people like walk all over you or whatever, but now, like something clicked on what you said, right, like it's also a little bit easier, I think, because I've seen other people who have a hard time like letting go of things and like holding that grudge and how that affects you. You know, like living with that hate or living with that, that feeling that people made you feel right, but definitely forgetting like lets you, and I've always saw it like something like I didn't like about myself. But now that you mentioned that, it's like it gets me thinking.

Krystal Jae: 1:23:55

But see, like and then that's where it comes into, where it comes into the trauma stuff, right? So if we forget and we're moving on, right, we are forgiven. We don't forgot, whatever else. What's the? What can we learn from that? We take the lesson from that situation and we apply that to our life. Right, a lesson from that situation and we apply that to our life, right? So if we don't like how that felt and we don't like what happened or what was, or what the whole situation was, what are we supposed to do? That's when we put in a healthy boundary in order for that thing to not happen again but you forget.

Krystal Jae: 1:24:30

Still, you don't carry it with you, right, but you still forget. You just have now have a healthy boundary to be like look, I don't accept this in my life. Okay, look, I don't. I don't appreciate you doing that. So can you please stop?

Krystal Jae: 1:24:42

We put these boundaries, these healthy boundaries, in our life, instead of having these walls or whatever else in our life, to where we can really forgive and forget and we can move on. But we still protect ourselves with these healthy boundaries. And that's where it all connects right, because it's like, because everybody be like okay, well, if you forget, then it's going to be shame on you and that person is going to walk over you. They're going to do that. And so it's like well, you know you can forget, and you put, you learn from that lesson. That's why we learning and we learn from that lesson and we apply things.

Krystal Jae: 1:25:17

And so what the things we want to apply with that is, we're going to have a healthy boundary to help us not be able to be in that situation and we're going to pray to God about it and we're going to have our armor of God on. So we have our armor on right and then we have this healthy boundary. You're less likely to be able to even do that to us, because we're not going to let you get that part. Even though we forgot, god's going to be protecting us, and we done protected ourselves by putting that healthy boundary in place, and that's why it's important to know the difference between a boundary and a wall. So it it's like it all makes sense after I sit down and put it all together, and I've just really been teaching one but not teaching the other, and it's like but when you put them all together, it's like it makes total sense.

Andrea: 1:26:04

Outro Music.