Transforming Heartbreak into Self-Love

Have you ever felt paralyzed by the fear of love? Krystal Jae shares her intimate journey through childhood, high school and adult experience that left her with a profound fear of vulnerability. Join us as we dissect the emotional aftermath of heartbreak—whether from romantic relationships or friendships—and how these painful experiences can shape our understanding of love and connection.

Presenting oneself to the world while grappling with the shadows of past trauma is no small feat. In this episode, we unwrap the complex layers of inner turmoil that often lead to pushing people away or hiding behind a mask. We look into how different upbringings and personal histories, including manipulations and gaslighting, contribute to these behaviors, and the significance of overcoming these barriers to find genuine connection and self-acceptance.

Self-love isn't just a buzzword; it's a necessity for emotional well-being and healthy relationships. Here, we break down the nuanced dynamics of self-worth, love, and the difference between self-care and selfishness. From setting healthy boundaries to using daily affirmations, we provide practical advice to help you build a foundation of self-love and navigate the labyrinth of personal growth and healing. Crystal shares her own transformation, offering insights that aim to inspire and empower you to move past the pain and embrace a life full of genuine connections and self-worth.

Transcript

Krystal Jae: 0:03

Thank you. So, so, thank you, hey. Hey, welcome to the Empowered Transformational Healing Podcast with me, crystal Jane. So this is season two, episode two. Today we're going to be talking about the fear of love, surviving heartbreak. I am afraid to love again.

Krystal Jae: 2:11

Have you ever felt that way? I know that I have, and it was definitely a struggle to overcome, right? Because a lot of times when we get heartbroken, we can remember that pain that it leaves us with, and that pain is something that doesn't go away just overnight. It seems to just linger and it hurts, and we may go into a deep depression. We may be sad all the time, we may be crying at every point we get to. A certain song or a certain action or a certain word or something or a certain place may trigger these whole rollercoaster of emotions, because we are still dealing with that heartbreak, because we miss and we love that person, right? And did you know that heartbreak?

Krystal Jae: 2:58

When I'm talking about it, I'm talking about more than just, maybe, your partner or your spouse or an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. I'm also talking about, you know, the relationships that you have in friendships. You know those are hard as well. You know when you lose a friend or you end up going separate ways or your one slice going one way and one life is going another way, right, there's not necessarily nothing wrong with that, because sometimes we grow apart, because we go on our own separate journeys, right, and so it's about, you know, being like dang okay, what do I do now? How can I not live in this season of heartbreak and let this season of heartbreak end up being a lifetime of heartbreak, of stuckness, of loneliness, of fear, of shame, of guilt, of I think y'all get where I'm coming from right, it's hard, and I know it, and it sucks, and I know it, but we're going to also talk about what does fear of love look like? What is it presented? What does it present as? And if you're following me on my socials, you know Facebook. At CrystalJ21 or the, you go to the page and ask Facebook at the empowerment goddess, and then we got Instagram at under at the underscore empowerment underscore goddess. And then, of course, you can also search me on TikTok, youtube, linkedin, all the lovelies, right. So, but if you're following me this week, you know a lot of the content. A lot of the reels and stuff that I'm putting out is focusing on love and it's focusing on the fear of love. That's my theme for this week.

Krystal Jae: 4:53

But fear of love isn't what we go around and say be like oh yeah, I have a fear of love, I'm not doing that, right. We don't do that. We be like you know what I done got heartbroken so many times that I'm not even going there anymore. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to let anybody in. I obviously don't know how to pick them Like.

Krystal Jae: 5:14

We come up with all these different things, especially when it comes to dating, but then, when it comes to friends, be like you know what. That was my friend for 10, 15, 20, 30 years, and now it's like dang, it's over. And it's like you know what? I rather not let you in. I, you know, it's just, it's not going to be the same. You know what. It's not going to be the same, because everybody's different.

Krystal Jae: 5:37

And what you take from every situation that we've been in. What are we supposed to be taking from those? I hope the answer was lessons, because that's what we're supposed to be taking from those. We're supposed to be taking lessons from the experiences that we go through, whether it's a negative or a completely horrible situation, where there's a positive experiences or experiences or joyful occasions. You know we take lessons out of each one of those, okay, and sometimes it's hard to find what that lesson is. So when, sometimes, we may be like you know what, I thought it was this lesson, but then later on you might be like, oh no, that was not the lesson. The lesson was this, you know, and so then you can implement the different things that you learn into your life to help you be better, to help you enhance and empower, and then you can also spread that wisdom, now that you now have, because you've learned your lessons right, that you can spread that wisdom to other people to help them as well.

Krystal Jae: 6:37

That's the whole purpose of the whole platform of Crystal J is that I have been through the turmoil. I done sat there and I've been the one who has been the, the one who has been toxic, or the heartbroken or or broken people's hearts or not being present or whatever else, and I've also been the one who has been. You know who has been hurt, who has been in relationships, who has been. You know who has been hurt, who has been in relationships, who has been, you know, in love or thought I was in love. You know lust is a thing. Okay then. And there's times where you know, even with friendships, where you're like dang, like that was a really like I thought we were really good friends.

Krystal Jae: 7:22

But then as you are starting to, you know, evolve and become a better version of yourself. Sometimes those connections, they are not tight-knit, no more. They kind of spread apart and as soon as later, you know, you and that person is in totally different realms, right, and so we're going to also like, when that happens, that's okay. You know, everybody has to go on their own journey and we're all not going to be everybody that you know isn't going to be on the healing journey like your own healing journey. Some people's healing journey is going to be a little bit different. Some people's healing journey is going to go faster, some people's are going to go slower.

Krystal Jae: 8:04

Some of you might be right there in that same space and can really relate, right, and so it's just about remembering that what we want to do is that we want to be able to make changes. We want to be able to transform into a better version of ourselves, or I'm not even going to even say a better version of ourselves, or not even. I'm not even going to even say a better version of ourselves. We want to be able to transform into the person that we are, because a lot of times we live throughout life, especially when we're growing up as a, as a kid we're leaving, we're living in other people's shadows, kind of. You know, even if you're someone who stands out in the front, you know you still getting you know different, different pieces of you from other people, and maybe a little bit of this from grandma, a little bit of this from dad, a little bit of this from mom, a little bit of this from cousin Lou, from down the street, you know, and maybe something from a friend or you know it may be something from a friend, or you know someone that you admire or someone you watch on TV or you know whatever else. Right, we get all these different pieces and we kind of put them together, but you know a lot of.

Krystal Jae: 9:15

But sometimes in that process I know with me, you know I put different things together to be a person to present to the world, where inside I was a really still a little baby, just screaming to, screaming for security, screaming to have people understand me, screaming for love and attention and affection. When the outside version of me was like ew, don't hug me, don't kiss me, don't do this, don't do that. Like at first y'all girl didn't like affection. Okay, it felt weird and you know, a lot of that came from being in different experiences and did people always understand why I was like that? No, and that's partly because a lot of people didn't know my story. A lot of people didn't know that I was, that I was raped when I was in high school. You know, that's that like, that is actually how I ended up. Losing my virginity Was through that experience and that was something hard for me but something I kept in.

Krystal Jae: 10:35

And a lot of people, in the majority of people, didn't know. You know and you know, and so no one really fully understood why I was the way I was. But there was also a lot of things from childhood that I didn't understand and the way that it came across for me was like you you know, was the unwantedness, the not being worthy of love, not being enough, whatever else, when it really was the opposite for that person. Right, we all do things out of love, but it manifests in different ways sometimes and sometimes we don't have that clarity and we don't have that understanding or the capability of having that understanding sometimes, because I know as a child, you know, I didn't always understand things like I could see, and I can know this happened to be like. Yeah, that happened, you know, but you don't get the full substance of the meaning or the reasoning behind different things right.

Krystal Jae: 11:47

There's things that we see when we are children or we're growing up, whether we're in elementary school or preschool or middle school or high school or college or trade school, that we see and we're like whoa and we'd be like whoa in a bad way, but then we we be like whoa in a bad way, but then we can be like whoa, like in a good way. So we have all these different experiences that we pull from and we look at and we be like oh, that's what love is. Oh, that's what love is. You know, like for me, like I have, you know any, she like she's very affectionate, you know she's going to give you a hug and she's going to get a kiss from Jeke, right. But then I have other family members who's like you know what? Look, hey, how you doing. And that's the hey how you doing is the love that you're going to get because that's as far as they go. They're like don't hug me, that you you're close enough. You know, and I definitely was, like you know.

Krystal Jae: 12:44

You know, presented in in different ways in my in different times in my life. I presented in those different ways, but one thing about it was I was like I was never really an affectionate person to where, especially when it came to like other adults, other people my age now maybe, like kids, always loved kids, so it's always been like affection with kids or whatever. But I did not want to continue to be harmed, I didn't want to continue to be hurt, I didn't want to um, I was scared to know what it felt like for someone to love me, because it was like how does that feel? Is that going to be even more heartbreak for me? Because you know we can love someone or have love for someone and they don't have that back Like y'all. We're being real and raw this season, right? So you know it's not always reciprocated back, or sometimes we're.

Krystal Jae: 13:53

And then there's the manipulation of someone saying that they love you or they're in love with you or whatever else, right? And then there's you know the situations to where you know you get in, situations to where you're being gaslighted, right To where the person attack, attack, attack. And then it's like, okay, now that you're running and you're retreating, they're like, no, come back, come back, come back, come back, I love you, you're the best thing ever and all the other kind of stuff, right. And then they may shower you with gifts and everything else, only to come back and attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, right. And so it's all different kinds of reasons to why we get to the point to where we fear love, to where we may be like you know what I don't want to let nobody in, I don't want to let nobody close, I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want the pain that I have experienced in the past. So if I don't want that pain, why am I going to continue to put myself through it? And so we shut down.

Krystal Jae: 15:15

And when we shut down, that shutdown can look different in a lot of different ways. It could be that you push everybody away ways. It could be that you push everybody away. It could be that you are actually going out and you are sharing. We're going to leave it at sharing. Okay, you are sharing yourself with a whole lot of people, right, and I don't bet on both ends of that, so there's no judgment here, okay, um, it could also look like you know that that when you shut down, you can maybe shut down inwardly on the inner side, but you don't shut down outwardly. It's like you're walking around with this mask on, right. Right, we talked about the mask last season. You know about walking around and we have our mask on and how it's time to take off of our mask and show up as our authentic self, right.

Krystal Jae: 16:14

And so when we walk around with this mask, on a lot of times we go around with saying maybe saying no in our head, but saying yes out of our mouth. Or even if we say yes out our mouth, our head is screaming no, no, no, no, no. Or we're saying no, but then it's easy for that person to turn it around and make us to where we're saying a yes, right, a lot of us get stuck in that people pleasing phase, to where we don't want to let anybody down, because not only do we have a fear of love, we have a fear of loneliness, we have a fear of abandonment, we have a fear of not being worthy. Can you relate to that? Relate to that because I know I lived a lot of my life fearful of abandonment, fearful of loneliness, but it wasn't like in in all of these things. They all present differently for some people, right, because with some people, when they hear fear of loneliness, that means they always want people around them.

Krystal Jae: 17:28

My fear of loneliness was that I was going to forever be a single mom and not find a partner for me. Right, and that I can really coexist with that, we can really mesh and we can really grow and we can really empower and move forward with each other. Right, and so, and it's also and with others, fear of loneliness is that they can't be alone, like they got to be surrounded by people 24, seven, or just when they sleep, or maybe a couple hours before bed. That's the only time they can be by themselves. Other than that, they gotta be with somebody because they have that fear of loneliness. But and then for the fear of abandonment, it's like, okay, well, when I care for people or when I love people, they leave me, they abandon me, and then you're back to being to where I'm just like gone and now I'm lost and and everything else and lonely and everything, and then you have the um, the fear of love that you know, like we said, we already talked about.

Krystal Jae: 18:43

You know, um, love comes in different forms for different people, for different situations and for different relationships. Like, our friendships is going to be different than our relationships. Probably, right, our friendships are going to be different than our relationship with our mothers or our fathers or our siblings or our kids, right, or our spouses, right, and you know in that, in every, you know, sometimes you may end up being like, getting a friend and that friend is more of a family member, right, so your relationship with different people is going to be different, right? So your friendship with your relationship with a friend or a family member, a coworker, a neighbor or a person on the street, your pastor, whatever is going to be different than your relationship with your spouse, right, because the one, if you're married, like, this is supposed to be what it's supposed to be them two people and God, right, but a lot of times we want to seek, um, seek wisdom and guidance from other people, right, but we also have to be careful when we do that, especially when you're married. Um, but we're not going there today, okay, um, we are also talking, and so then, like, but we are also talking about, like you know your, your relationship with yourself, right?

Krystal Jae: 20:23

Because I got a question have you ever felt abandoned by yourself? Right? I know somebody's out there like how can you feel abandoned by yourself? You with yourself, 24-7. You can still abandon yourself. And I say that because how many times have you sat there and been supportive of yourself, believed in yourself, gave yourself some guidance and some wisdom? That means when you're like, okay, like you have that little thing there, like no, you shouldn't really do this, and this is why you're like you can do it anyway. I know you've done it. You can't say that you haven't, because I know you've done it, we've all done it, okay. And so it's just really, just really really learning to love ourselves as well.

Krystal Jae: 21:26

Because you know, one thing that you know about this empowered, transformational healing journey is that I began to learn how to love myself because I had to take time and realize that I didn't love myself. I had to take time and realize that I abandoned myself. I had to take time and realize that I betrayed myself. And so, with all of these things, it's like if you're doing it to yourself and people are seeing you mistreat yourself, then what are they going to do? A lot of times they're going to do you the way they see you, do yourself, because we're not saying okay, I'm worthy of love and I'm a worthy of of respect and I'm worthy of being supported and and and and and guided and just having a person that understands or even tries to understand you. Right, because if we're expecting for other people to love us because sometimes we do we have those seasons to where other people love us more than we love ourselves. And then there's other seasons to where people don't know how to love us. And then there's a season to where people don't know how to love us. And then there's a season to where some people their love looks different than others' love Because one person love can be like okay, I want the affection, I want the give me attention, I want to go, always be by your side, literally.

Krystal Jae: 23:28

And then you have people who's like uh-uh, like look, long as I know that you're here, long as I know that we're together, long as I know that I matter like that's good for me, right, and I've been on both ends of that. I matter like that's good for me, right, and I've been on both ends of that, especially when I was living in hurt and in pain and and in silence and in confusion and in and in this unworthiness and in shame and guilt and fear. And I think you get where I'm coming from. For me it was, please stay back, you know, even though I loved. But I would show my love as being a people pleaser. I would show my love by those no's being easily turned into yes's. I took care of everybody else before I would even think about trying to take care of myself. I didn't put that oxygen mask on.

Krystal Jae: 24:36

And then, while we're going there, we also have to learn the difference between being selfish and then taking care of ourselves, right, because then there becomes a line, right, and sometimes we can go too far to like me, me, me, me, me, and it really comes out as being selfish, right? Or there may be times where maybe it's coming out and being miscommunicated in the incorrect way, or maybe it wasn't clearly understood, you know. But a lot of times sometimes we don't know that. You know that someone misunderstood something that we've taken, that we said or that we did because of the lack of communication. Right, but we're not talking about communication today, with the fear, with the heartbreak. You know, we all experience those at different levels, at different times and at different depths. Okay, at different levels, at different times and at different depths.

Krystal Jae: 25:50

Okay, it may be someone who you know when you were, you know in school and maybe elementary or middle school, you're like, oh, but I, you know, but I love her, that was my bestest friend forever, you know. And that person you know, maybe you know today, that person chose to go play with Betty Sue on the on the playground instead of you, you know, and I just hurt you and you're like, oh no, my world is over right. Or you know we're in teenage years and you get to starting dating or whatever else. That, that first boyfriend-girlfriend breakup situation. Sometimes that's a difficult one. Or maybe you get your first heartbreak when you get into your early 20s. Or maybe you know it's even you haven't experienced that heartbreak until you was in your 30s or 40s or whenever.

Krystal Jae: 26:35

That first experience for you and that first heartbreak is kind of hard because it was like, whoa, I didn't know that I can even feel this way, because it's like that style right. And so you run around with this inner pain and you're like, how am I supposed to get rid of this, and a lot of times it's like we either shut down or we either go buck wild and I've actually been on like both ends of that stick, okay, and even in the middle, look, we're being wrong, we're being real, okay, and when we are, and so it's like you know, really it's about taking time to ask yourself a few questions and going and looking at yourself deeply and openly and honestly, and you may not get the answer for any of these questions for months, for years, or you, you know, maybe it's a couple of days, or maybe it's like you know, a good two-hour study session and you got the answers and you actually went all deep and not just so surface level different for everybody. Everybody's experience is different, right, and so those questions is for you, okay.

Krystal Jae: 27:59

First, I want you to ask yourself do you love you? And if that's a yes, which I hope it is, but I know sometimes it's not like everyone when I didn't love myself but if it is, or even if it is, well, no, if it, then I want you to ask yourself how do you present that love to you? Okay, and if it's a no, I want you to ask yourself how would it look like what would it look like if you did love you? And if you can't look at it that way, then I want you to look at it as how do you want someone else to love you? And then, are you loving you in that way? Okay, and then for the yes person, when you answer the ways that you are showing yourself love, the ways that you are showing yourself love, I want to ask you are you showing that love to your loved ones?

Krystal Jae: 29:13

It's not going to necessarily be this exact same, for the fact that your self-love for yourself is going to be a little bit different. Right, we were talking about the whole having healthy boundaries, having communication. We were talking about making sure that we have a line that is really drawn between the selfish and the self-care. Okay, we also want to another question to ask yourself about going down the love thing. Right, if you are stuck and you are still dealing with that pain from that heartbreak and it could have been a heartbreak that happened a few minutes ago, a few hours ago, a few months ago, a few days ago, a few weeks ago, a few years ago, a few decades ago to go, because, yes, some people hold on to that heartbreak for that long because they don't know how to release it and instead they put up walls to where it won't, to where that initial doesn't stay Right.

Krystal Jae: 30:40

And in doing that, what we do is we limit ourselves. We limit how far we can go, but we also limit how we can show up every day and we limit the lessons that we learn, the wisdom and guidance that we can share to those around us and to those coming after us, and even sometimes to those who who may be older than us. And because you've been through something and you've taken the steps to work on your healing journey, you now have the wisdom to give to someone else, right? But it's just important to remember, even with that, you are being supportive, you're being compassionate, right, and even if you tell someone like this is, like this is what this is, it's still up to them to go down. Okay, which path is for me? Right?

Krystal Jae: 31:39

Because I know, on this journey y'all, a lot of times I was like, oh, there's a shortcut, let me take it. And then that shortcut just led me back down to the beginning. I'm like, okay, now here we go, we're starting all over again, and you know, and it's like, how many times are you going to take that freaking shortcut? And that goes the same thing when people go on their journey. Sometimes we're going to take shortcuts at different levels, and then sometimes we may be that person who stays on that track and keeps going, and then we may just run into little obstacles and go a little bit, back, a little bit, and then we go back again, we're going again and pass it Right, and so I just don't want you to give up on loving yourself. Don't give up on finding love Right. Don't give up on finding love right. And sometimes we are in different spaces with the people that we are in love with or the people that we love.

Krystal Jae: 32:34

Okay, making sure that, and so like, with those questions, I wanted y'all to make sure that y'all really, really, really, really really take the time to go deep and be honest with yourself, so then that way you can really help figure out if you are a person who is maybe stuck and you're not letting people in, or maybe you have, you know, put blinders on to one type of thing and then accepting to another type of thing, but then that type of thing is really like not good for you either. Okay, and so it's all. It's all a process. I'm not going to say it's easy, I'm not going to say it's hard, because it can be difficult sometimes and at times it can be very easy, but it's all a process and so some of the things that you know, when I really started working on overcoming the fear of love, overcoming heartbreak and I want y'all to remember, when I'm saying overcome heartbreak, when I'm saying overcome the fear of love, or I'm giving the scenarios, I'm also talking about all type of relationships. I'm not talking about just the person that you're dating, I'm not talking about your spouse, I'm talking about everything. Okay, because a lot of times people think like we're just focusing on that partner, that spouse situation.

Krystal Jae: 34:14

But we can also have, like I said before, we can also have, you know, with our relationship with people. There are all different, right, our relationships with our children is going to be different than the relationships with a friend, a neighbor, a coworker, right, the relationship with your spouse is going to be a lot different than your relationship with everybody else, right, because with a friend it's going to be friendship. Right, in a marriage you're going to have friendship. You're going to have, you know, you're going to have the relationship connection that only married people have right, and so I just really want you to just really not forget that. You know it's going to look different and that is okay. Okay, I want you to remember that while you are, while you are, when you first start beginning this journey, there's going to be changes that you're going to make, and sometimes we have to make sure that we communicate those changes to those around us as well, so then that way, they know, like, how to approach you. Maybe some things are different, right, we also, and then also, if we have patience, that would help, and I'm telling y'all now I'm bad with patience. That's something that I'm still working on. Okay, I am working on patience Because, you know, we all just want to make sure that we are in a place to where we feel.

Krystal Jae: 36:03

A lot of times, we just want to make sure we feel secure, right. You may be somebody who maybe look for a certain type of person to be to date or a certain type of person to be friends with, and you haven't even realized it, or it could be that you have realized it, but you're like I do that for safety, I do that for protection, I do that to where we can bring our skills together, right, but I want you to also look at the relationships and friendships and everything that you have, and where are you in those spaces? Are they healthy situations? Are those situations to where you know you can kind of uplift one another? Or are there something that you know you constantly break down and sometimes, when there is a lack of, when there is constant breakdown, sometimes there's a lack of communication, and even if one person is trying to communication or both people are trying to communicate, you know it also takes listening to understand, not necessarily listening to respond. And then we also got to remember that we are all on different areas in our journey.

Krystal Jae: 37:23

So some people may you may say one thing out your mouth and another person may hear something totally different. You know, I know that, like I used, like I know, like for me, like if, if, like the communication for me, well, not even the communication, the breakdown for me, like, especially when I was full of the unworthiness and the crying and the suffering and silence and walking around with my mask on. You know a lot of situations all I would hear is it's your fault, you're guilty, you're unworthy, you can't be loved, you can't like, you're incapable or whatever else, like that's all that I used to hear, but that wasn't what people were saying, right? But then it was the people who were saying those things I didn't catch because I was too busy walking around with this mask on these blinders to where I didn't see that as well. So, as things, as the mask started lifting, as my eyes started being clearer, as I started, you know, really knowing how, you know what love is and how to present love to myself and how to love myself, then came the whole okay, I'm speaking up for myself.

Krystal Jae: 38:43

Okay, and that was hard for a lot of people because they're so used to the whole. Oh, it's going to be a yes, and even if it's a no, it's a yes, because all you gotta do is, like, ask her again, you know, and so like it's in, or you know, we don't communicate because we're like okay, I, I don't want to do the fight, I don't want to do the struggle. I don't because if I do the fight, I do the struggle, it's going to lead to abandonment, which is going to lead to loneliness, which is going to lead to me being heartbroken, which is going to be that pain again, and we don't want to go down that, so we just don't say nothing at all. So then you get yourself to where everything is building up, to where it feeds those negativities in you that are left behind by the trauma. So then that's when you may present yourself with severe depression, to where you may end up having that mental breakdown, to where you may end up having PTSD or severe anxiety or anxiety or just anxiety, right or complex PTSD and all those things. And so what I want you to take out of this is answering those questions and make sure that when you answer those questions, is that you're being open and honest with yourself. Let's build your self-love, let's learn how you would like love to be presented to you and then share that with someone, and then even give these questions to someone else to help them on their journey because we all deserve to have self-love and love ourselves and to know what that feels like, because it is life-changing, it is transformational, it is one of the best things I've done is learn how to love myself, because at one time I did not love myself at all. And so when you figure out what that is and how you're loving yourself and you start coming up with the steps, and then you start taking um, you start implementing or taking action on those steps. I want you to take time to tell yourself I'm proud for you doing different things. Like for me.

Krystal Jae: 41:36

I have, like these, you know, stickies on my wall, or had. I just took them down. Stickies on my wall, they just told me, like you know, I believe in you, crystal, I support you crystal, I love you Crystal, I will listen to understand you, crystal, and so much more. Because sometimes we get discouraged along our journey and we need that little boost of encouragement, and so we shouldn't have to always go out to others and look for that encouragement. We should also have that encouragement within ourselves to be like you know what? I can change that. And so when you figure out your ways that you want to show yourself love, I want you to write it down somewhere that you always see to, where you can see those different things. It may be a whole bunch of different stickies in different areas of your house, and that's fine, but remind yourself of those things.

Krystal Jae: 42:45

I know sometimes, like when I wake up and I'm like, okay, I'm not doing today, and then I turn around, I see the board on my wall that has, like this whole empowering statement, um, that I wrote to myself. And then, as I'm getting up out of bed, as I'm walking, I get to my bathroom door and I got stickies saying did you pray, did you study? I love you was, I love you crystal. I always put my name at the end of it Because I just feel like it soaks in at a deeper level, because it's like I'm constantly getting my own attention, Because I'm constantly hearing my name, right, and so I even have it up there by my mirror where I'm brushing my teeth, where I can look over and I can be reading that, while I'm brushing my teeth and just reading over and over, there in front of my toilet, where I can read them over and over and over and over and over again, just feeding myself that positivity and that empowerment right, and it does help that positivity and that empowerment Right, and it does help.

Krystal Jae: 43:58

They can tell you so many days that I got up and I'm like I'm not doing nothing today. And then, as I'm going through my day, as I'm going through my morning routine, and I'm reading these things, I'm like, okay, let me go do this, let me go do that. Are there days where I'm like you know what I'm just tired Today's going to be like yes, I do love myself, I do believe in myself, yes, I can do it. Yes, and then today, that form of doing it, that form of showing up for myself, that form of self-love, is me laying down and me resting, and there's nothing wrong with that either. There's nothing wrong with that either. And so sometimes it may seem like we are at the end and things aren't going to get better. I know I've been there. Who knows, I may be experiencing it again pretty soon. Who knows been I've been there, who knows, I may be experiencing it again pretty soon, who knows?

Krystal Jae: 44:57

But you know, it's about also feeding into yourself and remember that you are loved and that, and to learn the things that you need to learn to love yourself, and that loving yourself could be showing up and giving yourself support, showing up and and let, and letting yourself that you're listening to you, to understand. Because how many times have you you try to hear the, the noise out of all of the chaos going on in your mind, and then you're like, okay, whatever, and you leave it alone. Or have you chaos going on in your mind and then you're like, okay, whatever, and you leave it alone? Or have you heard the voice in your head tell you one thing and you're literally arguing back with it, telling it why you should do the opposite of what it's saying, instead of listening to that voice of reasoning that it may be right and trying to understand? Okay, what is this thought talking about? Why should I do it this way? Right? And so I just really want you to just really know that it's okay to take time and that this is a process and process, because a lot of times, when we get to the point to where we fear love is because we have experienced that pain, that pain is still lingering and we're not letting down the walls that we have built, and then it's leading us to being stuck and lonely and confused and and our mind going crazy, and then we're, instead of us having healthy relationships, we're now having toxic relationships, and so, and it's just really, we don't want to continue to go down that rabbit hole, okay? So y'all answered those questions.

Krystal Jae: 46:49

Make sure you dm me or me. You can email me at services, at crystaljcom that is K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom. Or you can also hit me up on my social pages. Facebook, it's at crystalj21. And then the page is at theempowermentgoddess, instagram is at the underscore empowerment underscore goddess, and then, of course, you can look at me up on TikTok and LinkedIn as well. So, for now, I will see you next week and take some time. How do you love yourself, how do you show up for that and how do you love others, and how do you allow others to love you and do you communicate that love with them? All right, and don't forget to like, subscribe, follow and share. See y'all next week. This has been season two, episode two with crystal.