SHIFT unlimited
Hi, I'm Kylie Roberts and I'm Mel Wombwell, and we are SHIFT unlimited. We are both qualified executive coaches, coach supervisors, and trainers of NLP and coaching. The world is a volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous place. Every day we wake up to a new surprise. Uncertainty is chronic. Instability is permanent.
And disruption is common. This is the new normal. The game has changed. It's time to rip up the old rulebook. It's time to define success differently. A shift is happening. The shift is unlimited. We need leaders to live more purposeful lives and to lead more impactful businesses. In this podcast series, we will be doing a deeper dive into many facets of living and leading in this modern world from founder to scale up right through to leaders of global established organisations.
We will explore how we can be more holistic and authentic as we connect more deeply with ourselves, our relationships with others, and the wider world. In this podcast series, we'll engage in conversation together on topics that support the modern leader. We have one wild, precious life to make change for good.
And whilst change is daunting, so is staying the same. Let's begin.
SHIFT unlimited
Episode 4 - Presuppositions of NLP and Coaching
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In this podcast episode, executive coaches Kylie Roberts and Mel Wombwell of SHIFT unlimited take a deep dive into the presuppositions of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and coaching.
They discuss why they believe these can be powerful tools for modern leadership in a volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous world.
The hosts cover key beliefs such as everyone has a unique model of the world, the map is not the territory, all behaviour has a positive intention, and resistance is a sign of a lack of rapport.
Listen now to learn how these principles are seen as empowering for leaders and coaches, allowing them to promote open-mindedness, curiosity, and empowerment in the people they interact with.
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00:00 Introduction to SHIFT unlimited and the New Normal
00:40 The SHIFT unlimited Podcast Series
01:23 Exploring the Presuppositions of NLP and Coaching
02:54 Understanding the Concept of 'Map of the World'
03:52 Respecting Other People's Map of the World
04:41 The Map is Not the Territory
05:45 People are Not Their Behavior
07:28 The Meaning of Behavior is Dependent Upon the Context
08:22 All Behavior Has a Positive Intention
09:48 The Most Important Information About a Person is Their Behavior
10:43 Everyone is Doing the Best They Can with the Resources They Have
12:10 There are No Unresourceful People, Only Unresourceful States
14:05 Everyone Has All the Resources They Need Within Them
15:33 The Person with the Most Behavioral Flexibility Has the Most Influence
18:53 There's No Failure, Only Feedback
19:19 Everyone is in Charge of Their Own Mind and Therefore Their Results
20:16 The Meaning of Communication is the Response You Get
21:35 Resistance is a Sign of a Lack of Rapport
22:36 Conclusion: The Power of NLP and Coaching Presuppositions
Please find all images mentioned in this episode available HERE
Hi, I'm Kylie Roberts and I'm Mel Womwell, and we are Shift Unlimited. We are both qualified executive coaches, coach supervisors, and trainers of NLP and coaching. The world is a volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous place. Every day we wake up to a new surprise. Uncertainty is chronic. Instability is permanent. And disruption is common. This is the new normal. The game has changed. It's time to rip up the old rulebook. It's time to define success differently. A shift is happening. The shift is unlimited. We need leaders to live more purposeful lives and to lead more impactful businesses. In this podcast series, we will be doing a deeper dive into many facets of living and leading in this modern world from founder to scale up right through to leaders of global established organizations. We will explore how we can be more holistic and authentic as we connect more deeply with ourselves, our relationships with others, and the wider world. In this podcast series, we'll engage in conversation together on topics that support the modern leader. We have one wild, precious life to make change for good. And whilst change is daunting, so is staying the same. Let's begin.
Track 1Hello everyone and welcome to this podcast where we talk all things coaching NLP and leadership. In this episode, we are gonna be exploring the presuppositions of NLP and coaching. These alone have the power to completely turn your life around. We are super excited to be sharing them with you today. So what exactly do we mean when we talk about presuppositions of NLP Kylie?
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428The presuppositions of NLP and coaching are. The foundations of NLP along with what we talked about in the previous episode of the communications model and the frames. These presuppositions are beliefs or assumptions that people generally can make that can allow them to be really effective change makers in their life, but also in leadership and. Definitely in coaching. So their beliefs that that we can adopt that enable people to feel very liberated in their lives. These beliefs enable compassion and connection, which is key to any coaching relationship, any leadership relationship, and. Really any relationship outside of work as well. The presuppositions are convenient beliefs that when we act as if they are true, they enable us to get better results for ourselves. We're not saying that they're necessarily true, it's just that when we adopt them, really liberate us and enable us to the life of our dreams. So there's quite a few of them. How many are there? And let's explore them in a bit more detail. The first one, Mel.
Track 1So the first one is everyone has a unique model of the world. And that is because we have all lived completely different lives to each other. We have grown up in different families, in different locations, different cultures, different countries, and because of that and because of the way we interpret the world anyway, our worlds are completely unique to us. This is a really powerful belief to hold because it helps us to stay curious rather than the becoming judgemental. It also enables us to be more humble and compassionate and less judgmental of other people as we believe this. It also means we have to be asking more questions to really understand the experience or the world so that that person is experiencing as we work with them, either through coaching as we lead them. So quite a defining one of my favorites. Did you wanna share the second one, Kylie?
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428Yeah. The second one is that respect other people's map of the world. So we don't need to agree with what somebody is thinking and what somebody beliefs are, but when we take the time to understand it, we can learn to respect. Them and the view that they hold that they see the world, as Mel was just saying with the first presupposition, that they see the world in possibly a very different way to ourselves. When we respect another person's map of the world, people feel understood and they're much more open to building rapport, being challenged or building a relationship. So there's a lot of link there between the first presupposition and the second presupposition. The third pre-supposition is the map is not the territory. Can you please expand on that one, Mel?
Track 1Absolutely. So as we experience the world through our five senses and we have to delete, distort, and generalize it, and we can only take in a certain amount of information, the actual experience that we have. Isn't the totality of the experience happening outside in the same way we can draw a map of a town or a city or the world that isn't the actual world. It's just a map of it. And when we understand that, then we can hold our truth or belief about something a little bit more lightly, a little bit less rigid, and. Believe that. Well, whilst I've got this map, it's not necessarily the absolute truth. It isn't absolutely everything. Again, it keeps us being curious rather than really getting too stuck and opinionated on something
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428People are not their behavior, the behavior that we see in. Any instance is just a very small slice of who people truly are. What we're actually seeing and experiencing is just how they're responding in that moment, in that situation. So we might be seeing a person at their most stressed when they've had little sleep and, they're showing up and they've, have zero resources left in them. What we're seeing is not. Their whole self. We're actually just seeing a slice of how they're reacting to this situation. So people are not their behavior we tend to judge ourselves on our intentions and other people on their behaviors. know we're a good persons. Sometimes we might behave badly based on a particular situation, or maybe we haven't slept very well, be really great if we could. Carry that into what we see and experience with other people, that people are not their behavior. They also may be tired. They also are just responding and reacting to a particular situation, and it's really great when we adopt this presupposition, it allows us to give other people the benefit of the doubt.
Track 1I've been hearing an expression, a few. I've, I've only really heard it recently, Kylie. I'm, I'm not angry. I'm hangry. Have you heard that one? When people are hungry and it's making them touchy.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428I have, I have at least one child who gets hangry. Yeah, definitely feed him a little and then he, his emotions are more regulated.
Track 1I, I know exactly how that feels. So the fifth one the meaning of behavior is dependent upon the top context within which it appears. So this one just. Helps us to understand that a behavior in one situation can be very acceptable, where it's not acceptable in another situation. For example, as a leader, in many situations, it isn't acceptable to shout and tell people what to do in the situation where there's a fire. It might be the very best thing to do. The meaning of behavior is dependent upon its context. What it also means if we believe this as well, is that we need to be more choiceful and deliberate, assessing what's going on in a situation, and then choosing and deciding what's the most appropriate behavior to use here to get the very best outcome for ourselves and for the people around us. The next one, number six, builds on the one I've just talked about or behavior has a positive intention. I.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428Yeah, all behavior has a positive intention. we adopt this as a belief, what it does for us is it allows us to be more open-minded, and more curious about what is going on beneath the surface of behavior. So I'm a parent, I've got young children at the moment, and even on the weekend I was reading an article about parenting and the article was around. What might seemingly seem as bad behavior in children and actually the greater a child feeling connected to parents, the less likely they are to play up. actually a child behaving badly isn't actually them being bad, it's just that they've got a positive intention of. wanting more attention or more connection with their parents, which can be tough when you're busy working family. So all behavior has a positive intention. One of the other things that's important to remember here is that the highest intention of the unconscious mind is always positive of. So underneath all behavior is the highest intention of the unconscious mind with a positive intention.
Track 1And then the next one is another build, which is the most important information about a person is the way they're behaving. So it might sound a bit counterintuitive. What we mean by this though is. We can control what we say more carefully than we can control our body language. Our body language is less conscious for us. So for example, if you say to someone, how are you? And they say, oh, I'm absolutely fine. And as they say it, they shake their head, it's likely that they're not. So the body finds it harder not to communicate what it's truly thinking and feeling than we can with our words. So it's, that's one of the reasons we'll be talking in a different podcast about sensory acuity. And that's one of the reasons it's really important to be looking at the whole person, not just listening to the.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428The next one is everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. I love this one. Believing that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available allows me, again, to be open-minded and curious about what might be going on for somebody else. it encourages me to be more compassionate. It encourages me to be more forgiving, which also enables a greater connection between myself and others. So, you know, I know myself that if I am. Well rested. Spent time with loved ones. I've had time to practice yoga. I'm actually on cloud nine and great fun to be around and will have great energy to be around. But if I, on the other hand have had little sleep or I've been a bit under the weather, I haven't. I had the opportunity to get on my yoga mat or go for a walk outside or spend valuable time with loved ones. resources are gonna be quite low and I might get quite snappy at home or just really not be at my best. So the belief that everyone is doing their best with the resources that they have available just allows us to have a lot more compassion and a lot more forgiveness of others.
Track 1Yeah, I like that one too. And this one is, there are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. I think it builds on what you said earlier about behavior. Kylie's just a small slice of what's going on. It's not the whole person. So if someone's. Being unresourceful if, for example, they're short-tempered, or they're angry or they're not able to be helpful, it's, it's not the whole of them. It's just the state they're in at that moment. And it can be because of what you've just said, a lack of sleep or feeling hungry or not having belief in themselves. So when people are being unresourceful, then again we should have compassion for them and also understand where are they coming from? What's going on for them? I remember it was a few years ago now that I got promoted. I'd waited for this promotion for quite some time, and in the organization I was in, you had to have a sponsor to get promoted. And then that sponsor was the person who looked after you or bud you for the first six months in your new role. So as promotion. A. I've been kind of left to drift. I wasn't quite sure even what my roles and responsibilities were, how I would be measured in terms of success, and for those first three months, I really didn't feel up to the job. I was doubting myself and not sure about whether this was the role for me. It took a little bit of time for me to really find my feet and build the confidence, and once I had, I was back to my old self and much more able to stand up on stage and talk about things. In the first three months, I did not do a very good account myself. I don't think so. An example of unresourceful states rather than people.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428The next one is everyone has all the resources they need within them to achieve their desired goals and outcomes. A great belief to hold as a coach and as a leader, because what it does, it means it allows us to, of Allow them to think about it for themselves and to give them the space and the environment to solve it for themselves. So we, we can meet people, adult to adult, we hold back from fixing, we hold back from solving, or we even hold back from protecting, someone from the, you know, the big, wide, harsh world that's out there. So when we use inquiry, lots of questions, we can find out what might be blocking somebody from being able to see just the vast array of resources that they've got available to them they can lean on to their outcomes that they're seeking. So inquiry and coaching is really what. Leans into this presupposition that everyone has the resources that they need to achieve their desired goals and outcome. So our job as leaders, our job as coaches in this VUCA Agile environment is to empower people and liberate them to achieve their own success. We don't do it. We don't do it for them.
Track 1Nice. I like that one. And then number 11 is. The person with the most behavioral flexibility has the most influence on the people they're interacting with. And it's, it's also called the law of requisite variety. And what we mean by this is the person who, in any situation can be choiceful about what's the best thing to do to get the right result Now, rather than having the same. Tool in their toolkit, they pull out every situation regardless of what's going on, has more influence on the situation. So if we build our leadership and coaching toolkit, then we have a lot more flexibility as to how we respond in a situation. And it, it kind of builds on the, I don't know if we talked about the formula earlier, the. Event plus response equals outcome. So if an event happens, if we have the most behavioral flexibility to choose how we respond to that event to get a good outcome, then we are much more likely to get a good outcome much more of the time.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428What I love about this presupposition and its application in coaching is that quite often in coaching we might use some psychometric profiling tools that people real insight into their. Their preferences of behavior, and it's really easy for. People to say, well, I'm in that box. That means I can't, you know, I'm big picture. I don't do detail and those kind of things. But actually the whole purpose of psychometric profiling, right from the very beginning with Carl Young, the father of personality psychology. said it was never about boxing somebody in. And it was always about the greater, you know yourself. The greater a leader you can be because you can then know like how to be more agile, how to be more flexible. And when you are, like this, presupposition says, when you are flexibility, you can have the greatest influence on that you're operating in. The next one is there's no failure, only feedback. are living in a VUCA world where what we did yesterday to solve yesterday's problems is not necessarily going to be the solutions for today's problems. So we have to be able to. Fail fast. There's a lot of that around in leadership topics at the moment. it's impossible for us to be perfect. We, we were never designed to be perfect beings. and life really is just practice. Our practice is our progress rather than what's the other saying?
Track 1Practice is perfect.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428Practice is perfect. So practice is de see, I've even forgotten it. Practice is definitely progress, so there's no failure, only feedback. People are most willing to keep giving things a go. Keep learning when they are receiving feedback and they've got this open mind around, I haven't failed. This is just another piece of feedback around next time what I could do differently. I know Thomas Edison had the same philosophy when he was inventing electricity, and he accidentally stumbled across the light bulb whilst he was inventing electricity. So he always saw that all of his failures along the way, which were many, where actually just tiny bits of feedback of what he could do differently in the next experiment and see where he gotta, there's no failure, only feedback.
Track 1And then everyone is in charge of their own mind and therefore their results. This is a build on one of the frames that talks about responsibility for results, lives with the person. So we are in charge of our own minds. We live in our own minds. We can determine our dialogue and we can choose to determine and change the course of events that are happening to us. A bit like when you are driving in a car, we can choose to go left or right. It's the same with us in our own minds. And when we hold that to be true, we can really own the results that. That don't go so well, which give us great feedback, which we can then adjust and then we can do something different. So I like this one because it's empowering and it's allows us to empower ourselves and for everyone to take their own power.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428Definitely the meaning of communication is the response you get. This presupposition implies that the way somebody reacts and responds to what we say is our responsibility, so the meaning of what we want to communicate. Is determined by the response that we get. So we need to take responsibility for changing the way we communicate if we want a different response from the other side. So when we hold this to be true, we actually release any blame from the other person, and we take full responsibility for our part in any relationship dynamic and any communication of a message. And if the message doesn't land or, it's landed in the way that we don't want. What we can also explore here was is it a lack of rapport? We not taking the time to build rapport, is it a lack of inquiry? up on all the other presuppositions and the NLP and coaching communications model that says the way somebody thinks cannot be the same way that we think because we've had such different life experiences. lack of inquiry will. Could potentially put us into a place of making dangerous assumptions about how somebody might be thinking. So the meaning of communication is the response.
Track 1And then the next one. Is almost like another aspect of that, which as you've mentioned actually just now, resistance is a sign of a lack of rapport. So we'll do a whole podcast talking about rapport and how to build great rapport. If we hold this belief that people are resisting us because there is a lack of rapport, again, we can do something about it. We can change. We're saying or how we're engaging with them, or maybe our tone or something, that means we connect a little bit more. I know in some countries that it's almost part of business that when you go and meet with someone, you spend at least the first 15 or 20 minutes just talking to them, connecting with them, person to person to get that really great and only then when it's on and start business conversation. Just means effort.
kylie_3_01-22-2024_112428So these are the presuppositions of NLP and coaching, and when we adopt them in leadership and coaching, it empowers us as leaders and coaches to be very open-minded, very curious, approach a client or a member of our team with very question led. Rather than making assumptions, rather than kind of telling people what to do, we really empower them to live in their greatest power, as well as empowering ourselves to live in our greatest power. For Mel and I, we both agree that the. Presuppositions of NLP along with the five frames that we mentioned in the previous episode. These are the things that alone exceptionally powerful in our lives and in our professions as coaches and leaders. So we hope you enjoyed this episode and we look forward to seeing you in the next one.