EP 9: I Stayed In The Closet: My Coming Out About Mental Health
May 10, 2024
Isai
Do you ever feel unseen, unheard?
I, Cheron Hamner, have had many of these feelings throughout my life. Finally, the death of Robin Williams, someone who brought joy to so many yet battled his own mental demons, was a pivotal moment that made me confront my mental health struggles.
In this week's episode, I share my journey, from seeking professional help to checking myself into a mental health facility, where I learned crucial lessons about my own well-being. I'm deeply thankful for my family, my rock during my darkest hours.
I bring to you a candid conversation about the importance of prioritizing oneself, a concept similar to the airplane safety instruction of securing your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Is it easy to forget about yourself?
Absolutely!
But remember, it's okay to pause, breathe, and take care of yourself.
Through this episode, I hope to inspire you to put yourself first, break away from societal norms, and live life fearlessly your way.
Thank you for listening to "This Is Some Crazy Sh*T" with Cheron Hamner.
I, Cheron Hamner, have had many of these feelings throughout my life. Finally, the death of Robin Williams, someone who brought joy to so many yet battled his own mental demons, was a pivotal moment that made me confront my mental health struggles.
In this week's episode, I share my journey, from seeking professional help to checking myself into a mental health facility, where I learned crucial lessons about my own well-being. I'm deeply thankful for my family, my rock during my darkest hours.
I bring to you a candid conversation about the importance of prioritizing oneself, a concept similar to the airplane safety instruction of securing your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Is it easy to forget about yourself?
Absolutely!
But remember, it's okay to pause, breathe, and take care of yourself.
Through this episode, I hope to inspire you to put yourself first, break away from societal norms, and live life fearlessly your way.
Thank you for listening to "This Is Some Crazy Sh*T" with Cheron Hamner.
You are listening to, this Is Some Crazy Shit. With Sharon Hamner. This podcast is for you if you are tired of living day to day feeling unfulfilled, you are frustrated and you are doing too much with no return. This is for you if you are ready to take charge of your life, if you are ready to let go of managing other people's insecurities and their expectations and live life your way. Here we have dope conversations about saving yourself, so we can get off these street corners and stop waiting for Captain Saviour Ho. You ready? Let's go, because this is some crazy shit.
Speaker 1:
Ooh, I cannot believe I'm out here telling my business Like that is a no-no in my house. When I was growing up, you never tell what's going on in your house. What goes on in your house stays in your house. Nobody should be knowing what's going on in your house. But I'm out here outing myself. Which I never thought in a million years that I would do is talk about my challenges with mental health. I realized that it was something that I was assigned to do, not that I wanted to do. The moment when Robin Williams died, I remember that moment so clear. It hit me so hard, not because he was my favorite actor, but because he was a public figure who made people smile and made people laugh, who thought it would be best for him to end his life and that was something that I struggled with for a very long time was smiling on the outside, appearing to have it all together, but deep down inside I just wanted to die.
Speaker 1:
I remember growing up and feeling like I didn't matter. I remember feeling like my voice wasn't being heard and I was constantly told to be quiet, to stay out of grown folks' business, simply because I grew up being very, very curious and I asked a lot of questions, what some adults may find to be challenging. God do I wish that I grew up in this era of Google and social media where any type of question that I could have had back then it could have been answered by Google and it would have saved me a lot of stress mentally Because after being shut down time after time for asking questions just so that I can learn because I'm always a learner I've always been a learner and an explorer and always wanting to know something different I could have had a different outcome. But I began to shut down and I became silent and just turned all my anger and my frustration in on myself and I continue my life being that way and it got to a point where I just knew deep down inside that my life was not supposed to be this way and that I deserve something better.
Speaker 1:
I just always remember growing up not feeling being a part of my family. I always felt like I was the black sheep and I grew up with an older brother and I remember very frequently my mom and dad and my brother would have conversations about their lifestyle at their house on this particular street called Bach Street and they would go back and forth about, oh, when we lived on Bach Street and this and that and that happened, and ha ha, ha, and they would ki, ki, ki. And then I could enjoy the conversation, but I wanted to be a part of it. So I would chime in every now and again and say, oh yeah, I used to live on Bach Street. And my brother, I would say you didn't grow up, you wasn't on Bach Street, you didn't grow up on Bach Street. Or, my mom, they were always correct me that I didn't live on Bach Street. And this happened many times.
Speaker 1:
This happened many times and you know, as an adult I can identify that I was doing that because I simply wanted to belong. I wanted to have a part in the conversation. I did not want to feel left out, but I did. And my life continued to have those feelings because in my curiosity, I was always dreaming about something more expansive than what I was experiencing. And even though I would go to my parents and express those things that I wanted to do, the goals that I had, they had never done that, so they didn't know what direction to put me in. So it was like every time I would say something, it was falling on deaf ears and I got to a point where Nobody was listening to me. I felt nobody was listening to me, nobody heard me, they didn't understand me, and periodically I would try to tell people how terrible I was feeling inside and it never came out that, oh, I just don't want to live here anymore, I want to die. I feel like killing myself. It would sound like and you may be able to relate to it that people would ask me how I was doing and my response would be like oh, I'm just really tired. I'm tired, and that was a way of me attesting the waters to see if they were a safe person that I could share my deeper experience with. And nevertheless excuse me. Nevertheless, somehow the conversation will always take a left turn and never return to how I was feeling really. You may feel that way that sometimes people ask you, well, how are you doing? But they never really asked how are you doing really?
Speaker 1:
So, after spending my will spending my wills one day I just decided to look at my health care plan. I was working at that time in a corporate environment, and so I went to HR to see what type of resources were available for mental health. And at the very moment where I found out that I had help available to me, I went and checked myself in to a mental health institution. I left work, checked myself in, and after I checked myself in, I then called my family and told them what I had done. And it was like, when I told them, they were surprised, like they never saw any of my symptoms of not expressing myself. They didn't realize that that was not healthy Until this very moment. Then they decided to come to my aid and support me, which I'm very grateful that they did. At that mental health facility, I learned a lot of tools and techniques. I realized that I was not alone, that other people were going through the same things and that there's a path to better health.
Speaker 1:
Secretly, I wish that more of my family members enrolled themselves into some type of mental health or program or communication program, because I feel like, instead of being a black sheep like that, I'm the goat of the family, that I'm the greatest because I identify a problem and did something about it. Because I took that first step, I am changing the trajectory of my lineage. I now have a better relationship with my daughter and the conversations that me and my grandchildren are having are so different than the things that me and my mom had. Sometimes I catch myself and I laugh because my grandchildren, they ask me all questions. I find myself negotiating with them and I laugh and I'm like I'm negotiating with a child. My grandmother and my mother would never negotiate with a child. It's like if you don't shut up and be quiet and go sit down somewhere and get out of my face, yeah, there's no negotiating with a child. I love it because, for one, I respect them, because they are a person. They're not a little charan, they are a human being. They have feelings, they have emotions and they came to the earth to do something. And right now, a lot of what they're doing is helping me be a better person and I appreciate and love them for that.
Speaker 1:
And I remember a time when I was arguing with my mom when I was a teenager, and I can't remember specifically what that argument was about, but I just wanted her to hear me, I just wanted her to listen, and I just remember yelling at her at the top of my lungs Like just because you're the parent doesn't mean you're always right. You're not always right and you don't know everything. And even to this day, that is a relationship that is a work in progress. I sometimes ask my mom just to kind of trip her up and see what she would say why have you learned from me lately? And sometimes, if this was in person, she would just roll her eyes and over time she's given me answers. So I appreciate that my consistency with keeping my boundaries with her is teaching her and little by little she's letting that guard down and beginning to show me respect as a human being, not just as her child. Everything about you matters. Everything about you matters. You are not alone. You are not alone and if you are struggling with feeling like you're not loved, you're not being heard. I want to encourage you to bet on yourself for just one more day. Just one more day. Get out of bed and say yes to you for just one more day.
Speaker 1:
Do your best not to isolate yourself. Don't isolate yourself. Find someone who you trust, who you can be around. I found that once I released the familiar people from being responsible for helping me, with my happiness once I released them, that I was able to have beautiful souls enter into my life that would help and support me on this journey. And a lot of times those people don't look like me. They come from different backgrounds, and I have one friend in particular who helped me on my journey and by doing so, he invited me to some family gatherings with him and to this day, that's part of my family. We haven't been in contact with each other, but I'm always in contact with his family and I appreciate him extending his family to me, and I know, even when I don't speak with them on a regular basis, that I can count on them as somebody who will listen to me without judgment. So don't isolate yourself. Be open to surrounding yourself with people who will give you the opportunity to share what it is that you're going through, and with no judgment.
Speaker 1:
There are so many resources available to you if you seek them out to support you on a journey of mental health. It is a journey and it's one that you can make it through. For me, it didn't happen overnight and I feel like you know how they say once they're alcoholic, always they're alcoholic. I feel like with mental health and depression, that it's the trickster always comes to try to take me back there as I learn more, as I gain more confidence in myself. Nobody can win but me. I'm the winner in the end, and you can win too when you bet on that, on yourself, because you have to be your own support. You have to be your own support.
Speaker 1:
You know how, when you get on an airplane and they go through the safety skin, they say if the oxygen mask comes down, if you're traveling with a young child, be sure to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone. That's how it is in life. You have to put your own oxygen mask on one day at a time. Breathe life into yourself every single day and you will make it. You will definitely make it. It's okay to say yes to you. It's okay to say yes to you. You can do it. You totally got this and you're going to make it through. If I can make it through, you can make it through, and I support you on your journey. Hey sis, you have been listening to. This is some crazy shit. I am Sharon Hamner. Make sure you like and subscribe to hear more dope conversations on this podcast. You can check me out on my website at wwwSharonHamnercom or on all of my social media platforms. I look forward to seeing you in these social media streets.
