Hey, welcome to my show. I'm Dr. Ray Self. You're about to listen to the 169th episode of Self Talk. It's hard to believe we've done that many episodes. Today's show I think is especially important because we're talking about performance identity. It is a problem that many people struggle with, some of them not even realizing the issue. But you understand with God we don't have to prove anything. God has already taken care of that with his Son, Jesus Christ. It's great to perform well, but your performance doesn't define you. I want to talk about this. I think this show is going to bless you and also take a lot of pressure off of your life. Thank you for listening to Self Talk, and this show is sponsored by my ministry, my– the school I founded, the International College of Ministry at icmcollege.org. Check out the website. We got a lot of free stuff on there I think you would like. Some free courses, you can take free samples, all kinds of good stuff. You could even get a free evaluation to get your degree. Anyway, thank you for listening to the 169th episode of Self Talk. God bless you.
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Okay, here we go, episode 169 with Self Talk. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I thank you for everyone listening to this show. I pray, Father, that this show will be a blessing to them and you will have your way through this, this time together, Father. We give you praise and honor. In the name of Jesus, I pray, amen, amen. I want to talk today about performance identity. It is an enormous problem that is ingrained in us. It is taught to us, it is expected of us, and unfortunately, it has become a huge issue causing depression, drug addiction, alcoholism, suicide, all kinds of major, major problems.
So what is performance identity? Performance identity is a type of life a lifestyle where you base your value on your achievements, your performance. Your, your value comes from the grades you make in school, how well you perform in sports. Um, maybe your appearance, your job, your money. In other words, how well you perform. Now, we are trained to be excellent. We are taught by our parents to uh, perform well. Our parents want us to make straight A's and they taught us to um, try to win and to try to achieve and get the good job, get the scholarship to school. In other words, perform, perform, perform, perform. Now, I'm not saying we should not try to be excellent and we should not try to perform well.
The problem with this - and it's a huge problem, it's an enormous problem - is that people base their self-worth on their achievement. Millions of people do this. They base their value on their ability to perform. In other words, if I'm winning, I'm a winner. If I'm losing, I'm a loser. If I am achieving, I'm an achiever. If I am not achieving, I am a worthless person. If I have a lot of money in my bank account, I am someone of value. If I do not have money in my bank account I'm just a poor… other words, maybe even worthless person. This is a roller coaster because when you are doing well, you feel well. When you're doing, not so doing well, your identity suffers. Now again, it is good to perform and try to achieve, I get it and I understand. You know, we want to uh, perform well in our jobs, we want to perform well even in our hobbies. You know, I play golf and I love to play golf and I want to perform well at golf, but that doesn't define me. You know, I've– I've had jobs where - managerial jobs - I've owned companies and you know, I enjoyed that but it, it… earlier in life my identity was based on the fact that, you know, I had, I had a car, I had a nice car. I had a Cadillac and I drove a sports car and I had a big boat, and I based my identity on that. And millions of people base their identity on their stuff, their job, their looks, their ability, their… all kinds of stuff.
In other words, it, it, it's, it's sad because it's a roller coaster. It's when you're up, you're up when you're down, you're down, and your self-esteem fluctuates and your value fluctuates with your ability to achieve, perform, to win. And this is, this is, is, is a really, really big, big deal. This problem is so prevalent that probably 98% of the people don't even realize they're caught up in this trap. And the trap is damaging because when you are winning and you're doing well in your marriage, in your job, financially, physically, uh, in your hobbies, whatever, it is then you feel good about yourself and you are someone. But when things start to fall apart - and that happens in life - and all of a sudden, we come to these rough places, then our self-esteem plummets. You know, it just plummets. It hits to the bottom. This leads to a roller coaster type of existence, a life that is up and down, up and down.
And especially men. Um, and this is for everybody but especially you men listening to me. Men especially will base their identity their self-worth, on their achievements. We're, we're, we're kind of wired that way. But God has a different answer for us and it's not based on our achievement, our value, who we are. Our worth, our acceptance has nothing to do with our money, how, how well we perform, how much we achieve, how, quote, successful the world says we are, how famous we are, what positions we hold, that has nothing to do– And I'm, I'm, I'm getting passionate about this because it's a passion for me. It has nothing to do with our value. We are valuable to God.
The scripture I shared in, in the notes comes from the book of Psalms, and the scripture says uh, “I will give thanks to You,” this is David praying to God, “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;” I want, I want you to hear this, folks. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are unique you are special, you are the one and only you in the entire universe.
You know, when I was young and in college, I was very much caught up in this. I'm going to show my age here. I was in college in 1969, ‘70, ‘71, it was the height of the hippie movement. And my identity was actually based on my coolness. I would– I was searching. And so, I was cool because I knew how to dress the part, I knew how to speak the part, I, I knew how to play the role. You know, I had my long hair - don't laugh at me - I had my long hair, I had my beads, I had my tie-dyed t-shirt, my bell bottom jeans, I was the hippie of hippies, okay? I was cool. I was– matter of fact, I was kind of King of the Hippies. And I, I based my identity on that, and uh, it was a sad time. But I was never, ever, ever happy and I was looking for a way to find peace and to find happiness and to find fulfillment. Now, unfortunately, back in that time, I got into drugs and all kinds of bad stuff because I really was unhappy inside. I didn't know what the issue was. I know I was trying to find something, I couldn't find it, so I just escaped. And you know, uh, you know, escaping with chemicals is never, ever, ever a good thing. But thank you, Jesus. He brought me out of it. He never– He never for forsook me. Never, ever, ever.
So performance identity is… all over the place. And right now, if you look at your life, you're– the way you think of yourself - so many people, most people, 99%, 98, 99% of people value themselves according to how well they are doing in life. And you see, that's never going to work, ‘cause it's going to go up and down. Again, you're going to have hills and valleys, ups and downs, and your life is going to be completely inconsistent based on how well you are performing. But God has something different for us. You see, God created you unique. And there came a time in my life– I'll never forget this, I was struggling so much as a young man in college and just out of college with trying to find myself - which, so many young people are trying to find themself - trying to find my worth. And I was trying all kinds of things, you know? I did, you know, I excelled in sports and I excelled in coolness and uh. I excelled in, you know, a lot of things. I excelled with sailing - I was very active in sailing - I excelled in that. And so when I would win, I, I, I was a winner. When I would lose, you know, I was a loser. And that's so happens– to so many people. Especially in, in the area of sports.
But one day– I'll never forget this. I was walking around a lake, I was walking a– just a walk, just a path around a lake, and I feel like I heard the Lord speak to me and He said, “Ray, I accept you as you are.” And that kind of shook me up a little bit because I kept thinking with God, I needed to get my life together, to get right with God, and all of a sudden, I got this word from the Lord that said He accepted me as I was and then He began to speak to me and He put in my spirit this: He said, “Ray Self, you are unique,” yeah, okay, “There's no one greater than you, there's no one less than you because there's only one you. There's only one Ray Self in the universe. There is no comparison, there's no way to compare.” In other words, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. So I began to realize that it was okay to be who I was, and I was accepted by God. I was valued by God… as I was, not based on getting it right, getting it together, winning, achieving, performing. I was already valuable, I was already accepted, I was somebody, I was important, I was accept– acceptable, I was worthy, I was above and not beneath, I was the head and not the tail. There was only one Ray Self, there's no comparison between me, there's nobody greater than me, there's nobody less than me because there's only one me. Because you see, I had– I was in that trap where I really felt there were many greater than me but truthfully, in the eyes of God - the Bible says God's no respecter of persons -
We… in our society, we label people as famous, as great, and therefore, there's this ranking system in society where people that are famous are more important, they're greater than people that are not famous. People that are rich are greater than people that are poor. People that are good-looking are greater than people that are maybe not so attractive - of course, that's in the eyes of the beholder. Do you see this ranking system that we have in society? It's sad, we rank people, we rank people in, in levels of importance, and many times that ranking is really based on ridiculous stuff. How many views you have in social media, how much money you have, how many games you won in sports, how good-looking you are. You're ranked. God doesn't rank you, God loves you and accepts you as you are. You listening to me, there's nobody greater than you, there's nobody less than you, there's only one you. There's no comparison and your value in the eyes of God is not based on your achievement, it's not based on when you do well or don't do well. God loves you and accepts you. He loves you so much that He was willing to sacrifice and give the life of his Son, Jesus, Jesus went to the cross and exchanged His life for your life, that's value.
How valuable are you? How worthy are you? Well, how worthy is the life of Christ? How important is Jesus? Jesus sacrificed Himself to pay a price for you. That's your worth, that's your value. And then when you go into scriptures, what you will see is over and over and over and over God establishing our identity and our worth. In scriptures, He uses verses, like in - and phrases - like He calls us joint heirs with Jesus Christ, He calls us members of the royal priesthood, He calls us his beloved children. Jesus calls us His friends, He calls us the redeemed, the sanctified, the justified, the saved. He calls us children of God, He tells us that we're above and not beneath, we're the head and not the tail. He tells us over and over and over again we are valuable, we are loved, we are acceptable. And this acceptance and this love and this worthiness that comes from God is not based on your job, it's not based on your money, it's not based on your good looks, it's not based on your achievement, it's not based on your performance. It's free. The only condition for this self-worth, this value, is that you accept Jesus Christ as your savior, that you say, “You know what? Lord, I'm a sinner. I need to be forgiven of my sins. I want to be adopted by you, made into a member of your kingdom, a friend of Jesus Christ. Lord, forgive me. Holy Spirit, come into my heart and save me.”
You see, salvation is a free gift. It comes by grace. And this is our value. We are valuable. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and valuable. Your value, your self-worth, is not based on your achievements, it's not based on how well you do, it's not even based on your failure. You say, “Well, Dr. Ray, are you saying I can just fail and still be valuable?” Absolutely! Do you want to fail? No, of course not. Do I want to achieve? Yeah, I do want to achieve. Do I want to do well in life? Yes, I want to do well but I got to understand I, I want to do well not to prove myself. I want to do well because it's a spirit of excellence. I want to be excellent but my works, my achievements, how– what I do doesn't define me. Who I am has been defined by the Bible, by God. He has defined me.
Now, because I can accept myself and because I believe in myself and I love myself the way God loves me - that's very important by the way, love yourself, you know, love your neighbor as yourself - because I'm able to accept myself even with my flaws, even when I'm not performing well, even when I'm not achieving I can still accept myself because God accepts me, God loves me unconditionally, no strings attached. Do you know what unconditional love is, folks? It– see, so many times in the world we are loved if, or we are loved because. You're loved if you do something, if you do it right. You're loved because. Because you're good-looking, because you're friendly, because you're nice, or whatever. But see, God doesn't love us if. He doesn't love us because. He loves us period. Period. That's no strings attached. The love of God is your self-worth. God has given you value that no achievement can give you. God has given you incredible value as children of the King. Children of the King of Kings, joint heir with Jesus Christ. It gets no better than that.
But what do we do? “Well, I got to get a position to feel valuable.” You know, this is in the church all over the place. In the church where people think, “Well, you know, I'll be valuable if I'm the pastor.” Or, “If I'm a bishop.” Or, “If I'm a prophet.” Or, “If, if I am a…” the, the big catch thing now is everybody wants to be an apostle. Well fine, if God's called you to, to be an apostle, called you as a prophet, called you as a pastor, that's great, congratulations. But it's not your value, it's not your worth, it's not your identity. Your identity is who God says you are. Joint heir with Jesus Christ, member of the royal priesthood, child of God, accepted by God.
Many of you have never received this affirmation from your parents, and that's a very common thing. We need to be affirmed. Now listen, if you have children, please, affirm them. Let your children know that you are proud of them not because of their achievements. That you love them, no strings attached. Remember when Jesus was baptized He comes out of the Jordan River, the Spirit of the Lord descended upon Him like a dove, then a voice from heaven spoke, “This is My Son…” “This is My Son in whom I'm well pleased.” You know what God says about you? “This is My child. This is My son. This is my daughter. And I'm well pleased with you. And nothing can change My love for you. I love you so much, I'll let Jesus sacrifice His life to pay for your life.” That's value.
Get off the performance roller coaster. And now, again, I'm not saying you shouldn't try to perform, sure. But do not let your performance in life define your worth. Your worth is not based on how well you do things. Your value strictly comes from God who loves you unconditionally. You're valuable unconditionally. You are amazing and fearfully, wonderfully made. No strings attached, regardless of what you do, you are the one and only you. You are valuable, you are worthy, you are acceptable. Now go ahead and achieve if you want to achieve. Achievements are good, but they do not define you. Amen? Amen.
I hope this show has been a blessing to you, I got a little excited today, sometimes I get all emotional. Heavenly Father, thank you for everyone listening today. Father, put into our spirit, let us open up our eyes and our hearts to see ourselves the way you see us and to know ourselves the way you know us, Father. Father, forgive us for trying to constantly prove our worth. Father, you have already shown us our worth when you let Jesus die on the cross for us. Thank you for that sacrifice, Jesus. Lord, we died with Jesus and we rose with Him, Father, that's value. That's incredible value, Father. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by you, Lord. We accept that now, Father, In the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, Father, I don't have to achieve to be someone. I am someone who might want to achieve anyway. I thank you, Lord, in Jesus’ name. Amen and amen. Thank you again for listening to Self Talk. I'm Dr. Ray Self. God bless you.
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Dr. Ray: well folks, that completes episode 169. I pray this show has been a blessing to you. Remember, you are loved and acceptable, period. Period. Not based on your performance, but just based on God's word and God's truth. I hope this show has been a blessing to you. Check out the show notes, we've got a lot of links in the show description, the show notes, to, to my books. Um, got a new book coming out called The Call. The Lord has called you, now what do you do? That's going to be out just in a few weeks. I'm proud for that. Might want to check out the college of ministry, International College of Ministry. If the Lord has called you, it's time to get equipped. You know, we have, we have scholarships available. We have– we're affordable, we're Holy Spirit-filled… that– go, go to icmcollege.org/enroll. Folks, if you could donate to help us continue this show, that would really be a blessing. This does cost us money to do this and again, uh, it's icmcollege.org/donate and the website for the show, where you can see all the back episodes and subscribe and give us a review - which is really cool, that'll help us a lot - go to, again, icmcollege.org/selfttalk. Everything begins with icmcol.org… /enroll, icmcollege.org/selftalk for the show website, icmcollege.org/donate to give to us. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for listening to another episode of Self Talk. I'm Dr. Ray Self and God bless you all.