Love is in the Air

In this episode, we share Valentine's date ideas that don't lead to bankruptcy and encourage emotional intimacy.

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Transcript

ANGELA 0:00

Hello. I'm your host, Dr. ANGELA Kaye Love.

PHIL 0:04

And I'm PHIL Love. Welcome to the Life, Love, and Money podcast. We're coming to you from Sunny Texas. And right now what I can say is that love is in the air. 

ANGELA 0:16

Well, it is. And it's also talking on this podcast if you're going by our last name. 

PHIL 0:20

Yes, that's true. That's pretty clever. Well, but love is in the air. We're recording this the week before Valentine's Day and what we wanted to discuss, I thought was a great idea that you had What are some ways that you can celebrate Valentine's Day and not break the bank? 

ANGELA 0:39

Well, I have several ideas that couples can do, but first of all, we should share that we typically do not go out on Valentine's Day. 

PHIL 0:47

Yes. And why do you think that would be? 

ANGELA 0:50

The reason is, is because we've found that it's actually less expensive to go out either before, several days before or several days after. And then we get to avoid the crowds. We don't have to pay the higher costs that comes with the meals and we don't feel pressured into buying those buy this card and spend this gift card of $30 and you can give it away or use it at a later date. Plus, also spending money on your meal for that night. 

PHIL 1:16

Yeah, I'm all about avoiding crowds. That would definitely in the time that you have to wait and stuff like that. So, I think it's definitely a better idea if you can get around not going out that night of going out a different night just celebrate it then. 

ANGELA 1:33

That's what I think. It's worked out for us to not make the day such a big deal. Sometimes we celebrate at home on the actual day, but if we want to go out, we usually put that off until a few days later. 

PHIL 1:44

Okay, so we're going to go out on a different night on Valentine's Day, which should help save a little bit of money. What are some other thoughts on what the folk out there can do in celebrating Valentine's Day with their sweetie? That's not going to end them up in bankruptcy. 

ANGELA 2:00

I would hope that going out for dinner is like going to India up in bankruptcy. But to save cost if you want to celebrate on the day, I have a few ideas for date night. 

PHIL 2:10

All right, well, let's hear them. And I better take really good notes on this, because I'm sure there'll be a test later for me. 

ANGELA 2:17

I don't think so. The first idea is a picnic under the stars. I actually experienced this when I was in my college years before you and I met. There was a guy in a club that I was involved with, Campus Crusade for Christ, and he was just a friend, but he wanted to take me out on a date. and he picked me up. We went to this small little park that was actually up on a hill at the time. I lived in Southern California. And he took me to this little park up on the hill. It had a picnic table, had a just a small swing set, So he had a friend that went to the park early and set up the table. He put a tablecloth on the picnic table. He had a couple of glasses. He had ordered pizza. So the pizza was there was some plates, paper plates some glasses and some sparkling and apple cider. And we sat we talked, and we had a good conversation at our pizza. And what was really kind of fun is his friend was dressed up in this like Matre’d outfit and he had the towel over his arm and he served us the pizza and the apple cider, sparkling apple cider. And then he left, his friend left, and then we had our pizza and our sparkling apple cider. And then once we were done, we sat on the swing set and we just talked while we watched the sun come down over the city. And then the city lights turned on and it was just a really nice time. And then when we were done with that, he brought me home. 

PHIL 3:46

Now, folks, I was not involved in this at all, neither as the dater or as the Matre’d, I have no claim on that. But one thing I would warn is that depending upon the area of the country you live in trying this and the time of year that you do this, you might have to be very vigilant to fight against mosquitoes. 

ANGELA 4:07

Right. 

PHIL 4:08

But Southern California probably is not a big mosquito territory. 

ANGELA 4:11

I don't think so. Well, it wasn't there. This was in Southern California and wasn't near Lake. But it is cold here right now. And I don't know if it's cold in California, but in the warmer climates, you could do a picnic under the stars at a local park or in your backyard. Maybe if you have kids, get the parents to take the kids for the evening and then you can do a picnic under the stars in your backyard. Something like that. 

PHIL 4:36

All right. So, what other ideas do you have other than the picnic under the Stars? 

ANGELA 4:41

So, another idea was, that you and I, we had celebrated Valentine's Day one year. We cooked at home, and then you had previously, like earlier in the week, you had blown up 100 balloons and you had put in each balloon a written actually, it was a typed-out thing that you loved about me. And then you had me pop every balloon and I'd read each thing that you loved about me. And it was 100 balloons. And you had put them in the bedroom and hid them in there. And they were all on the bed if I remember correctly. 

PHIL 5:17

Yeah. There. There's a second bedroom in the little duplex that we lived in, I think. 

ANGELA 5:22

And so that was pretty cool. And so that could go along with cooking at home. And that was inexpensive. You just bought a pack of 100 balloons. I think you said you were quite dizzy after you blew all those up and 

PHIL 5:33

Yeah, put those there. There's a lot of blowing that comes about with that. 

ANGELA 5:37

Yeah. So, I think that made you lightheaded what you said, but that was really cool. It made me feel very loved and it was inexpensive. And we had made a meal at home, which that goes along with the next idea, which is cooking a meal at home. If you have kids, see if the parents will take them, the grandparents will take them for the night. Or if you do this on a separate night, you could swap with another couple who would watch your kids, maybe watch their kids on Valentine's Evening so they can go out or have a night together, an evening together, and then turn it off to where they take the kids. And then you can do this. But it's planning a romantic dinner at home and cooking it together and then choosing like, maybe a new recipe that you could try out or maybe cook one of your favorite meals and then set the table so that, you know, it's a nice tablecloth and have the candles pick up some flowers at Wal-Mart or Sam's sometimes will have those, and they're less expensive.

PHIL 6:34

Doing something at home, cooking a meal, or are you talking about cooking the meal together or just talking about, one of you cooking a meal and then, eating it together? 

ANGELA 6:42

Cooking it together. Part of the fun is to plan out a meal and cook it together. 

PHIL 6:47

That sounds like a good plan. And, you know, especially if you have some meat or something like that in the freezer and you got those resources, may end up being a little cheaper. And I think that's a key, too. It’s that what resources do you have there at your home or wherever you live that you can take advantage of or places that are close to you? Because utilizing those might end up saving you some money as opposed to having to go out and get new stuff. 

ANGELA 7:12

Sure. And then after you're done using the meal, you can play a board game. You could watch a movie together, although watching a movie doesn't promote conversation. it's better if you do something where you can have an activity, where you're having a conversation to connect emotionally, to improve or increase that emotional intimacy. 

PHIL 7:30

So, find activities that you're going to promote talking to each other. 

ANGELA 7:34

Right. 

PHIL 7:34

So, what other ideas do you have? 

ANGELA 7:36

So, the next one is going for a hike so you could pack up a lunch or a meal like to do an early dinner and go on your favorite hiking trail. Or if you haven't been hiking, you could find a local hiking trail in your area at a state park and go on a hike and take a blanket with you and set it down and have your picnic lunch or meal or something of that nature. 

PHIL 8:01

When we lived in South Dakota, we had hiking trails everywhere because we were over in the Black Hills, and they had hundreds of miles of trails all through there that you could pick and hike and stuff like that. I think I was that was really a neat area for. 

ANGELA 8:14

Yeah, it was great. A lot of the trails would go along the lakes or along a river or a creek, and that was a lot of fun. 

PHIL 8:21

Hmm. Okay. So that'd be a great thing, especially if you live in an area where you're really close to hiking, where you can take advantage of that, whether it’s mountains or forest or something along that line. You probably would also enjoy it if you were down to the beach or just taking a walk along there along the seashore. 

ANGELA 8:39

Absolutely. Anytime there's a beach anywhere nearby, I'm all for taking a walk along the beach. 

PHIL 8:45

Yeah, but any time we do a walk along a seashore, it usually involves at least a five-gallon bucket. So, you can collect seashells. 

ANGELA 8:54

You’re giving out all my secrets. 

PHIL 8:56

All right, so what are some other ideas? 

ANGELA 8:59

So, another one is stargazing. If you live in an area where there's no light pollution, you could just go out in your backyard. We live out on a farm and we don't have the light pollution. So, we're able to go out to our backyard and sit out there and look at the stars and do some stargazing and try to find different constellations and together and talk about the bright stars, which ones are planets and that sort of thing. If you live in a subdivision and there's a lot of light pollution, then you could go find an area where it's darker and it doesn't have that and you could do some stargazing and I would say take a meal, some fun foods that you've prepared ahead of time, that would be easy to eat, that you could eat while you're stargazing. 

PHIL 9:42

You had to plan this on a clear night. If you have a cloudy night, that might obscure your stargazing a bit. 

ANGELA 9:47

I would pick a different activity if it was cloudy or raining or something like that. 

PHIL 9:53

Okay, so that's kind of like the first one you had, which is kind of like the Picnic Under the Stars is having is just going out and doing stargazing as well. 

ANGELA 10:02

Sure. You could combine them, too. 

F2 ANGELA 10:04

Hmm. 

PHIL 10:04

Okay. What are some other things that you like? 

ANGELA 10:07

So, I have two more ideas. Another one is to visit a local museum or an art gallery and then go have dinner afterward. So that is where you have an activity along with having a meal. And usually, museums or art galleries don't cost very much, they're free or they have a minimal fee to go into them. 

PHIL 10:27

And depending upon which museum you go to, that could take all day. Like when we went to the Ark in the Creation Museum. Each of those is kind of like an all-day event. 

ANGELA 10:36

Yeah, absolutely. So, you can spend the day that way. Those cost a little bit more than what an art museum would cost. But that is a lot of fun because they're learning about Noah and the Ark and the creation and those different topics. And that's a lot of fun. 

PHIL 10:50

Yeah, really great stuff there. What else do you have? 

ANGELA 10:53

My last idea is a DIY spa night, and this is where you would create a relaxing spa night at home. You would have the candles and essential oils and calming music and you would give each other massages, maybe do a facial or do a warm bubble bath. You could tie this in with cooking together so you could create a meal, something that you plan ahead and put that meal together, and then do the spa night along with that. 

PHIL 11:21

And if you had access to something like a pool or a hot tub or anything like that, you could bring that in as well. 

ANGELA 11:27

Just make sure the pool's warm. Some places, we're in winter. 

PHIL 11:31

Yeah, that's true. Some places it's going to be pretty chilly. Unless you really like the polar plunge, that may be something that is not very conducive, for that. 

ANGELA 11:41

I have some questions that you could ask each other on your date night, whether it's out at a restaurant or at home or at a park or whatever you choose to do. 

PHIL 11:52

Okay. So what are some of those? 

ANGELA 11:54

Well, the first one that you could ask each other is, “What made you smile today?” 

PHIL 11:59

What made you smile today. Okay. 

ANGELA 12:01

So 

PHIL 12:01

Getting up. 

ANGELA 12:03

[Laughing} Getting up. Getting out of bed.

PHIL 12:07

Getting out of bed. 

ANGELA 12:10

This question helps you and your spouse share some positive experiences from your day.

PHIL 12:17

Okay. 

ANGELA 12:17

And helps foster connection and positivity. 

PHIL 12:20

Mm hmm. 

PHIL 12:22

So, what made you smile today? 

ANGELA 12:24

What made me smile today? 

PHIL 12:25

Yeah. 

ANGELA 12:25

Yeah, so far, because it's early in the day, still is doing this podcast together. That's a lot of fun. Even though we have some technical issues. 

PHIL 12:36

We always seem to have technical issues. I think the cows and pigs made me smile today, going out and feeding them and, you know, just their little antics and stuff like that that you see. 

ANGELA 12:48

I didn't go out with you today, so I didn't get to experience the fun of the farm animals. 

PHIL 12:53

Yeah, the farm animals typically make me smile unless they're in something they shouldn't be or there's extra work or something like that. So, and involved with it.

ANGELA 13:01

Right. So the next question is that you can ask each other is, “What are your hopes and dreams for the future?” 

PHIL 13:08

Hopes and dreams for the future. Okay. 

ANGELA 13:10

This, you can, I mean, you could get really detailed. You can talk about each other's long-term goals; desires. Talk about shared visions and how you would go about accomplishing those visions. 

PHIL 13:23

That could cause some conflict with the hopes and dreams of you and your spouse aren't aligned with each other. 

ANGELA 13:28

Occurred. But the goal is not to have a conflict on Valentine's or on a date. The goal is to just share and be accepting of each other's goals and dreams and . . .  

PHIL 13:39

Find common ground. 

ANGELA 13:40

Find some common ground between those. 

PHIL 13:42

Okay, what else? 

ANGELA 13:44

The next one is, “What are you most grateful for in your relationship?” 

PHIL 13:49

Most grateful for in the relationship. Okay. 

ANGELA 13:52

And that just helps reinforce why you guys are together and showing appreciation for one another and just being grateful and showing gratitude. 

PHIL 14:01

Or you could just find 100 reasons and type them up and put them in a balloon. 

ANGELA 14:05

That's a really good idea. To why you love your spouse. 

PHIL 14:08

Mm hmm. 

ANGELA 14:09

The next one is, “Is there anything I can do to support you right now?” 

PHIL 14:13

Okay. 

ANGELA 14:13

Now, this one is just showing that you're willing to offer support. And there may be some things going on with your spouse that you're not aware of or that they don't really talk about. Or maybe they mentioned in passing, but they haven't really shared how much it's bothering them that they just would like support or maybe they have some ideas or something that they're wanting to do. Maybe they have a new hobby or activity they want to start doing and they are just wanting your support for that. 

PHIL 14:39

Okay, that's a good idea because like you said, sometimes you got stuff going on at work or stuff like that and you're not sharing all the time. Everything is going on, so you might not fully know what's going on with your spouse.

PHIL 14:51

Right.

ANGELA 14:51

Now, this next one, I was a little hesitant. I wasn't sure if I should ask it because, like I said, you don't want Valentine's Day to turn into something that's a fight between you. It's supposed to be where you're celebrating your love. You're celebrating your relationship, your marriage, and what brought you together. You're celebrating the things that you like about the other person, the way that God created them. But I'm going to go ahead and share this. And you want to ask it from a positive perspective. If you have issues going on, maybe leave that to another night at another time. When you discuss that. But this is, "What do you need from me to feel loved and appreciated?" So, if you're struggling with feeling loved and appreciated from your spouse, I would caution that if this asking this question is going to generate some ill feelings and cause some conflict, this isn't the question that I ask when you're out having a romantic dinner. 

PHIL 15:44

But if you're struggling to feel that, if I'm asking you that question, you're giving what you need. But if I'm not feeling it, then unless that questions asked back, you wouldn't know what things I might need. 

ANGELA 15:55

I think it's a great question to ask, as long as it's not going to turn into a fight for the evening. It needs to be where if I were to ask you that question, hey, what do you need for me to feel loved and appreciated, I need to accept what you're saying and be open to what you have to say about that. 

PHIL 16:13

Okay.

ANGELA 16:13

And not argue with you over it. If I'm not feeling loved and appreciated, maybe I'm feeling underappreciated and I'm asked that question and it's going to upset me to talk about it, then I could just go ahead and say, table the question for another time, because the idea of Valentine's is to grow closer. And if you're having some issues, you do need to discuss it. don't leave it as let's just discuss it at another time, but let's discuss this on ‘X’ day at ‘X’ time to go through that because it's something I really do want to talk with you about. I just don't want to do it on Valentine's Day. 

PHIL 16:45

So, Valentine Gifts, what are things that you like personally on that? Are you thinking flowers, cards, chocolates, all the above? 

ANGELA 16:56

You know, I think when it comes to gifts, it's more about the effort. It's more about the it's more about the actual gift than it is money or I'm not as you know, I'm not a real big buy me jewelry or you have to give me flowers or you have to get me a card. it's more about just the the effort that you put into it. 

PHIL 17:15

Put a really good effort into it that you can see and you're good. 

ANGELA 17:18

It's that really good effort. It's just the meaning behind the gift. There's probably a better way to say that. 

PHIL 17:23

All right. So, if I went out and researched and bought you a brand-new reciprocating saw, that would be a good gift. 

ANGELA 17:30

Well, that would be a lot of effort. appliances, probably, or tools probably aren't the best gifts because while it's a lot of effort the meaning behind it would communicate that you want me to go out and do some yard work. 

PHIL 17:42

Well not with a reciprocating saw. There be some building. 

ANGELA 17:44

Okay. Sorry. So, the meaning behind that would be that you want me to do some work. Some sort of work. And I think that I guess I would question how does that show me that you love me. 

PHIL 17:56

So, work on having a meaningful gift that is not sending the wrong message.

ANGELA 18:01

Yes.

ANGELA 18:03

This is a hard question to answer. 

PHIL 18:05

It's a hard, hard question to answer. It's a hard thing to follow through on. Think about the poor guy is out there that are trying to okay, what exactly do I need to get. 

ANGELA 18:15

Don't buy your wife at all. Or an appliance for Valentine's Day. I just put it straight out there. It's the whole idea of Valentine is it's wrong, it's romance, it's romantic, and it doesn't have to be a thing Like the year that you did the 100 balloons. You didn't buy me any gifts that year, I think because we didn't have a lot of money at that time, we couldn't really afford to go out. we had some meat in the freezer and we made a really nice meal together. And we didn't have kids at the time yet. And so, you that's the effort that you put into that particular night. It’s more about just connecting emotionally versus having this thing that you're giving me just to say it's Valentine's Day and here's another day of the year that we need to give each other a gift. And here's your gift. It's to show that you love that person. 

PHIL 19:02

Yeah, I'm pretty much I would much rather not have a gift and spend some good time with you, than have a gift and not spend time with you. That's my opinion. 

ANGELA 19:12

Well, I think that that in itself is a gift. That the fact that we do have time, we can spend time together and we enjoy each other's company a lot. And so that right there is just a gift that we're healthy enough to be able to spend time together and that we enjoy being around each other. 

PHIL 19:30

So that's important to make sure whatever gift or whatever you're doing doesn't land you in relationship jail and in that you actually, you know that you continue that love is in the air thing. 

ANGELA 19:43

Right. Which goes into the next question you can ask, which is what is your fondest memory of us together and why does it stand out? 

PHIL 19:50

Wow, that's a loaded one. 

ANGELA 19:52

I mean, there's for us I think there's quite a few. 

And because of already keyed in on 100 balloons, I think the reason why it stood out was it was unbelievable to me that you could think of 100 things of why you loved me. And they were all different. And then that you took the time to type that up, cut out the pieces of paper, put each one in a balloon, then blow it up, then to hide it. I mean, the time and effort that went into that. But there are also fond memories of us together where we have gone on hikes together or we've just hung out fishing. And so this is a great question to bring you back to some of those really great memories that you of times that you've had together. 

PHIL 20:38

I think that's another good activity, especially if you already have the equipment and stuff. get your fishing license and go out with your spouse and fish. 

ANGELA 20:46

Right. And if you don't have the equipment, borrow some from someone that you know that likes to fish. 

PHIL 20:51

It goes back to what resources do you have that you can use. 

ANGELA 20:54

Right. 

PHIL 20:55

You're trying to save some money because after all, it's it's more than just spending money on each other. It's it's really good quality time that you're working on developing and growing that relationship. 

ANGELA 21:06

Absolutely. That's the whole point. So another question you can ask, I have three more, and the next one is, is what challenges are you currently facing and how can we work together? How can we work through them together? 

PHIL 21:18

Okay. 

ANGELA 21:19

Sometimes we just don't know all of the challenges that our spouse is facing.

PHIL 21:24

Okay, what's another one? 

ANGELA 21:25

The next one is, “How can we continue to grow as individuals and as a couple?” 

PHIL 21:32

Any thoughts behind that? 

ANGELA 21:34

I think sometimes you do get stagnant in your relationship. And I think the one thing that's really helped us to grow and evolve as a couple, as individuals as well but as a couple is when we started doing the daily Bible study reading in the mornings. So we wake up, we do this daily Bible study reading, and then we take time to pray about our day, and then we get started on our day. And it has required us to get up early or maybe to get up a half-hour earlier, but it's been totally worth it. 

PHIL 22:05

Yeah, and we use the MacArthur Daily Bible, we really like that because when you get through a whole year, you're going to go through the whole Bible. So we read a little bit of the Old Testament, a little bit of the New Testament, a little bit in Psalms, and a little bit in Proverbs each day. 

ANGELA 22:20

And if you don't have the funds to buy the MacArthur Daily Bible. There are a lot of free plans online that you can do, and it's just a really great thing to do to grow your relationship.

PHIL 22:31

I like how if we have a question that we stop and just kind of or something really hit you, you just type and talk about it rather than just reading through the whole, you know, just reading through everything, getting done.

PHIL 22:42

Right. 

ANGELA 22:42

And the last question is, “What do you think we can do to improve our communication and understanding of each other?” And since communication is the number one issue in marriages and the number one reason for divorce, this question will either help you out or make for a really bad night. 

PHIL 22:59

Can you explain a little more? Because I don't understand. 

ANGELA 23:03

You're all full of the jokes today. So, it's basically you want to promote active listening and understanding and just maybe the state one or two things that can help with improving the communication in your relationship and understanding each other. 

PHIL 23:18

Awesome. That's a lot of really deep questions that you can get into. 

ANGELA 23:22

It is. And I would say ask the questions that will foster bringing you closer together and increasing your emotional intimacy. And you can do it in a way you can have fun on Valentine's Night where you can save money dealt with All the advertising and the marketing and all the things that you're seeing on the socials where you feel like you have to go out and spend a lot of money and especially don't go into debt to buy gifts for each other on Valentine's Day. The whole thing is about just celebrating your relationship, celebrating that God brought you together and you're married and you get to live life with this person. 

PHIL 23:56

So, make sure you do things where love is in the air, but you're not going bankrupt. 

ANGELA 24:01

Yes. 

PHIL 24:02

Awesome. Well, that's great, folks, I hope this has been helpful in spurring on some really good ideas that you can do for Valentine's Day and for other date nights. That's not going to break the bank, but are going to draw you all closer, which that's the whole purpose of doing those. we want to thank you for listening to the Life Love and Money podcast today. And can you tell them how they can hear about where new podcast are? 

ANGELA 24:29

So, you can subscribe to the podcast and then you'll get an alert that there's a new episode. We post one every Friday, or you can go to my website. ANGELA Kay Love dot com that's ANGELA Kawai love dot com and click on the link at the top for podcast. Then that'll take you to the podcast page and also all the episodes. 

PHIL 24:52

Great. Well thank you all for listening and we'll see you next time.