Teaching responsibility to children using positive discipline methods and Montessori Theory. Key topics include modeling desired behaviors, mutual respect, encouragement vs punishment, praise, natural consequences, family meetings and more.
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Teaching responsibility to children using positive discipline methods and Montessori Theory. Key topics include modeling desired behaviors, mutual respect, encouragement vs punishment, praise, natural consequences, family meetings and more.
Subscribe to "Now What? with Yogi Patel - Transformation Through Empowerment" for more insights on Positive Discipline, Traditional Early Childhood and Montessori Education, and Raising Teens.
Let me know topics that you would like to hear in the future.
Perhaps this child knows what to do. However, maybe their belief is I am special only when I receive attention. I'm going to keep my adults busy with me. More I don't do this, the more the adult, negative or positive, I'm getting attention. Or it might be power struggle. You can't boss me around. I'm the boss, so I'm going to take this control. Hello, everybody. This is Madhuri here. We are here with our new topic, Teaching Responsibility the Positive Discipline Way. And I have Yogi Patel here, the Master Trainer from Positive Discipline Association. I would like to, you know, ask Yogi herself to give her introduction and then we can proceed further. So, Yogi, over to you. Sounds great. Well, thank you, Madhuri, for this experience. I am passionate about Montessori and positive discipline. So what a better way for me to communicate both and how to combine them. My background is in Adlerian psychology and positive discipline, along with child development. I have a degree in early childhood administration. I have a Association Montessori international diploma in primary education. And a management certificate from Harvard Business School. And through my own children, I became familiar with Montessori, opened two schools, in 2001, and retired, or left the school business, after becoming ill. But I'm in great health, and what I love doing now is sharing Montessori positive discipline with, folks who were similar to me when I was raising my kids. That's wonderful. What motivated you to, you know, join Positive Discipline as such, Yogi? I understand most of us, I mean, me being a mom also, I was pretty much curious about what Montessori is and everybody, you know, jumps into Montessori because we find it so, you know, amazing for children. But, what put you through, you know, what was the exposure you got about positive discipline that motivated you to join? So, accidentally, I found a Montessori program because my husband drove to work and saw this school and had placed my oldest daughter, who's now 29, in a Montessori program. And this was in Atlanta, and it was AMI recognized. And the school actually had many parent education nights. And they told us exactly what they were doing, how they were doing in theory. And it was inspiring. And then I had my second child who also went to a Montessori, but then we moved to Atlanta. And when we, I mean, San Diego, and when we moved to San Diego, we realized that the education that we wanted in similar to Atlanta wasn't there. So I went to Montessori program and became a primary teacher, opened a school in my home and it grew. So as a group. Accidentally, once again, I end up at a seminar, didn't know it was positive discipline, and learned many tools that were just so inspiring, and it connected so well with positive discipline, Montessori, home, work, school, that In my school, as we grew, we started with 12 students and quickly grew as we moved to a larger location to four classrooms very quickly within a year. So the teachers needed some support. I needed some support. And parents were asking us, Hey, what do I do? How do I, what do I, how do I guide my child? So Montessori parent educations. And added one, I'm sorry, positive discipline Campbell really just changed the school, my life, my parents life. And that's how I began to offer positive discipline. 1st, I became a positive discipline for parent educator. Then for classroom educator, then early childhood educator and workplace. So it's just been a growing experience. Wow. You have series of certifications in positive discipline. That's wonderful. And I'm sure you, you are having years of experience now. When we say positive discipline, how is it different from conscious parenting or gentle parenting or positive parenting, they say. Can you elaborate on that? So even when I was raising my children, there were so many books and so many programs so I could understand this question. So conscious parenting, positive parenting, gentle parenting, look at empathy and firmness. Positive Discipline was founded by Dr. Jane Nelson by the first book in 1981. Dr. Lynn Lott and Jane Nelson wrote their first book, Positive Discipline. And it looks at, it's based on Adlerian psychology and looks at cooperation and problem solving skills. We're looking at behaviors., that we have and understanding that behavior and looking at skills that we can develop in our children that is long term. All right. So, um, We generally say right, uh children's relationship with their parents. Um, Undoubtedly undoubtedly influence their development, right? Um, Be it, uh, social functioning or their school achievement or their mental health, anything is directly linked with how their relationship or their bonding is with their parents. So, uh, what can parents do to build that, you know, kind of connection when you're saying, uh, kind and firm kind of, um, connection with the child? So how do a parent do that? Well, many parents are doing this so beautifully. Right, creating routines, spending time, you know, nowadays, this is a little bit different than when I was raising my children, we didn't have cell phones, so that's the first thing, we tend to be like, yes, honey, but connecting, really just connecting and spending that time, having story time, right, and telling stories, not just from sometimes the books, but just from our past experience, storytelling is one of the greatest ways, and modeling, right. So in positive discipline, we speak about modeling children. As we know, zero to three in Montessori, we speak about the unconscious absorbent mind. Children are picking up all the information from their environment and three to six, they connect with this environment information. So when they're watching and learning, their mirror neurons are firing and they're just watching and mimicking. Modeling is the first thing. Modeling the behavior we want, and breaking things down, age appropriately, and just showing them. It's all about, you remember this excitement, as you know, the toddler's like, I do it, me do it, and that goes on till six, and then hopefully, we're not saying no, no, no, that they just stop asking, but we're saying, oh, that sounds like a great idea. Maybe we can do it now or later, or what do you think, and asking them, uh, what they think, including them, and you know, just day to day. That's one of the ways that I think we can create some of that resiliency, mutual respect, and encouragement, which is what positive discipline is all about. Yeah, I can so, um, uh, well relate to it. In fact, uh, recently I had this parent, she called me and, um, we were talking about her child and she was saying that my daughter, she is very, um, less expressive, even though we talk, she has vocabulary, but when it comes to expressing herself when. right words, she finds it very difficult. So, uh, this is what I was asking her. Um, do you share your emotions with her? Do you talk to her? Uh, she said, no, I just ask questions. I said, you have your answer there as unless and until the child doesn't know how to express herself through you, how will she, you have to model, right? How will she learn all by herself? She may feel sad, she may feel unhappy about something, she may feel excited about something, but she can only express it when she knows how to express it, and that comes from parents, that comes from the adults that are there in the environment. So yeah, it makes so much sense that, uh, modeling is, is critical for every, every adult, every parent that has a young child around them. And children are making beliefs right about themselves about the world and everything around them. Um, so, you know, I am others are the world is so at this time, their experiences are so limited and you're right. It's like. I'm feeling frustrated. So frustrated frustration is the word that we often use what's really below that frustration. We can go to the sad, mad and glad. But when we can expand that, like other parts of the word sad, are you disappointed? Are you exhausted and tired? Or are you feeling that you're hungry? Like, those are all Ways to get to the feelings. So what is it that you're feeling? And when they have that feeling, you're so right, we're able to have the child, when you name it, you tame it, we've all heard it. So when the child is able to express themselves, and when they can't, how, when we can't express ourselves, how do we feel? I know that I have hearing loss and sometimes when I can't hear, you know, my Forehead gets crinkled and I'm like really intense. How can children express some of these emotions or find different ways to communicate with us that they want to share? And they sometimes share that through behavior. And then we want to stop the behavior. And in positive discipline, we're always looking at problem solving. And doing this in a mutually respectful way and non punitive way. Yeah, that's also one of the interesting thing that one of the parent behavior that often is considered detrimental for this parent child relationship. Um, and for their, you know, healthy development is, um, the physical punishment that is awarded or whatever to them. Um, how do a parent deal with a difficult, uh, situation if they themselves are under stress or anxiety, or they themselves feel frustrated? In such situations, how do you think that parents can, you know, uh, deal with their child when they are also out of, I mean, as for the parents out of control? How do you think they can, you know, help the child over there? So, without elaborating too much about it, Dr. Daniel Siegel speaks about brain in the palm of the hand, right? So, the lower brain, the flight, fight, freeze, the emotions, the amygdala, and then the cortex is the brain model, and frontal cortex, this is where critical thinking happens, and then the cortex. But when our buttons get pushed, what happens? Raw emotions. So, what do we need to do to get, and we call this the flip lid, but if we In order to come and gather and connect and really connect our frontal cortex, what do we need to do right? We as parents have to take care of ourselves, you know, being able to make the exercise or finding a way to walk away from that situation because 1 of the things that I loved in 1 of the other trainings I had heard is well. Reptile. This is the reptilian brain. And what did the reptiles do to their young? Well, this is not probably the best time to solve problems with our children or teach them a lesson, right? So we might need to come to here. And for me, it's really important to have routine for myself and before, and then helping our children have that sense of order is happening, right? So they're going through, they need to have everything in certain order to be able to feel calm. And I think adults, we need routines. We need to be able to have time to myself. I, you know, maybe a bath or a walk. And when we come and gather and show our children that we do that, or in the problem situation with a problem, and we're flip lid, maybe we can teach them by modeling how we. Take that time in, right? We call it time out or time in. Dr. Jane Nelson has written a book, call it, uh, it's called Jared's Cool Out Space, and it speaks about how do you create a space in your home or in your classroom? And it's a really humorous book, and it shares, um, some of the steps on doing that. So for children to know, it's a mom can say, you know what, right now, I'm really upset and I love you. I can't talk right now, but I'll be back or Do you want to create a space? And when the child feels really upset, they have a choice or this something like, um, online and you could put pictures because toddlers are not able to read quite yet. And you can say, count till 10 or, you know, like blow five times, like as fingers, like breathe in, so maybe we can do that. What other ideas do you have? What do you want? Do when you're upset, maybe we can have a water bottle with some oil and color, you know, shake it up and look at it or what are some of the things that you want to have? How are you going to regulate? And when they're upset, they can even flip this little thing and wherever it lands, they can choose it or choose 1 of those options to come and parents could say, oh, if you don't want to do that, maybe I'll do that. I think I'm going to breathe. And that's modeling, right? Oh, mommy needs a moment. So we are talking about, um, responsibility, teaching responsibility to our children, the positive discipline way. So, um, how can one introduce the concept? Um, of discipline, responsibility to a toddler, because they are so young, they're still developing their, you know, um, understanding in this world itself. So, um, anything that we tell the child is not, he's not ready to take in, especially a child who's below three, a toddler, isn't it? So can you suggest some age appropriate strategies, uh, that we can, you know, work with the children who are below three or below six years also? So, toddlers, they're sponges to help contribute. One of the ways that I know that I worked with my children when they were younger is we wrote down all the things that we do. So we said, what do we do in the morning to get ready for school? And then I would write it down or you would draw a picture. Some pictures and then creating a routine chart. Like, this is how we're going to do this. You wake up, what do we do first? Do you want to help every day make your bed? Let me show you, taking the time for training. And helping them create this, putting the bed sheets properly or whatever that might be. Oh, and then what do we do? You get dressed. Ah, so maybe what can we do to pick your clothes? So it's not in the morning when they say, no, I don't want this one and that one. The negotiation begins because I want you to stay here so we could have this special time. Um, but having some of those strategies, so inviting children to do a lot for themselves instead of us helping them over and beyond and creating a routine from it. And what I'd like to say also, when they make that bed, it's good enough. So we don't go back and correct it because then the children are going to be demotivated, discouraged from trying that again and again. So child size, remember it's two year or 18 months they were helping at their own stage, having cut flowers around the house or going to the garden and picking flowers and having some vase around so they can just put water and flowers in our That's contribution. When we're cooking, for example, and They're able to help us chop. Once we do some of these beginning stages of work on showing them how to, we can get into now, every day, what would you like to help with? Who wants to, this week, be in charge of making, all the shoes are in the shoe place. This is, you know, who's going to help us set the table? Who's helping with the laundry folding? Who's going to take care of the socks? Who's going to make the towels into squares and then rectangles? So these are some of the ways we can incorporate and give them responsibility. And that means responsibility. So who's responsible? The child. And when we say you're responsible, we have to walk away. We have to put our hands down and say that overcorrection mode, right? The perfection parent. But having to remember that we've had At least 20, 10, 15, more years ahead of them. So we've, you know, evolved and we've got these skills, but the children are just beginning, so good enough. Absolutely. I see that in my, um, nephew. He's, uh, with me right now and, uh, he's two years old. So Everything we just have to tell him now. Uh, we just set him a, set, a routine for him where every morning when he wakes up, he removes his clothes and puts it in the laundry basket. Now, we don't even have to tell him. He goes, the first thing that he does is picks up those clothes, even if it's a fresh cloth. He doesn't matter. Doesn't care. He just collects them and then puts them in the laundry basket because it was placed in a spot where he always goes and collects them. So I, I can totally relate to what you're saying, because, um, you know, it's, it's the children have the order, the sense of order at this age, and they are pretty, pretty much fascinated by that order. They are, um, everything that, that is there in order attracts them somehow. So they are in that sensitivity towards order. So, yeah, yeah, absolutely. If we give them that opportunity. And that is a part of routine, a consistent routine. Yes. Children definitely, you know, takes it, takes that particular task as a, as a responsibility. So they absolutely love you're so right. And they do a great job at it when they're toddlers and, you know. Later on, they might have more thoughts and procrastinate or have other things, but as toddlers, this is the best time for them to learn things because they will diligently, like you said, take care of their task. Yeah, that's so true. Um, there is this question that I constantly, uh, you know, uh, hear from parents and that's, I asked my child and I have done so many times the same activity with my child. But once I ask the child to do that activity or the task alone, they don't do it or they do it only when I start nagging them. So, how can this be, you know, changed in, in, in a young child, especially? This makes me smile, because now we're looking at behavior. And in, it's, Dreikurs wrote about it, who worked with Adler and Dr. Jane Nelson at Positive Discipline. We speak about this understanding behavior. So, perhaps this child knows what to do. However, maybe their belief is. I am special only when I receive attention. So, I'm going to keep my adults busy with me. So, more I don't do this, the more the adult, negative or positive, I'm getting attention. Or it might be power struggle. You can't boss me around. I'm the boss. It's, you know, so I'm going to take this control. Or it could be revenge. I'm hurting, validate my feeling. Maybe we are overcorrecting or whatever might be going on. And what they're saying is, I'm hurting, and I want to hurt back. Or, They give up because, assuming inadequacy, I just can't do it good enough, so I might not try. So what are some of the things that we can do? Break the task down. Perhaps there is, if there is overcorrection, or maybe we are taking control, but it's their error, you know, control of error, problem solving, because they're making the mistakes and they're learning from it. None of us are walking the way we do without practice and falling. And if we saw falling as a mistake, we wouldn't have learned. And children are constantly doing different things and they're learning from it. But if we overcorrect or over help, what is going to happen? Similar to that butterfly that we speak about in the cocoon, the boy is looking at this cocoon and the butterfly is spinning. And if you help it, the butterfly falls to the ground and hasn't had enough time to pull the moisture out of the wings. And it's unable to fly. So, the struggles are actually amazing. Those wings are really getting strong as we all know in Montessori that we invite the children to have those struggles and knowing our role. What is our role? What is this behavior? What is this, this baby's need? Yeah, it's us. It's us. We just don't realize how we are affecting the child. And we're busy sometimes. So our subconsciously, like we're just walking around and rushing and we say, do this, do this. However, maybe there's too many commands that we have of a child. They don't have the concept of time and say, you have two minutes to get ready. What does that mean? So are we putting, bringing the child to this stage and how could they come? And when they cry, we're like, I can't believe that you're crying. All I said is so intention. What is it that we want? How are we communicating? Is it encouraging? Are we telling or are we asking? Did we make original agreements with our children on what's going to happen? And if they feel surprised, they're not prepared for this yet. And again, we're talking about toddlers. They're very, very capable. So sometimes we forget that they're just young humans trying to figure things out independently. That's very true. I read somewhere, that in positive discipline, um, we teach a misbehaving child is a discouraged child., I read it somewhere. I think I read it today itself. Um, I think it was, uh, quoted by Jane Nelson. And it also further explains, that what might seem like, um, a misbehavior, a misbehaving child. is actually, um, an individuating child or a toddler. So, um, who's just acting age appropriately, so, could you elaborate on the concept of individuation? What does it mean? So, children, like we said, all of us human beings, including children, this is, uh, Adlerian theory, every person longs. For significance and belonging based on individual psychology, and when we don't feel significance and belonging, maybe in a situation and it could be in whatever that's going on. We tend to go in mistakenly, we try to fit in, or we try to belong by showing some of this behavior. So I don't fit in, I'm going to, I can't put my shoes on, I'm going to have this tantrum because I need some help, I need things broken down, or. I am going to not put my shoes on because I want you, you can't tell me to put my shoes on, I'm not ready yet. Or it could be, I just can't put my shoes on because I need your help. So some of those things, so discourage child is, when they need help, it's like plant, and she's, this is Jane Nelson's quote too, plant needs water. To grow and children need encouragement. So when they are not feeling encouraged there, there's no movement. They are stuck in this situation. So individual Children need encouragement. They need our support. They need our modeling. They need that mutual respect? We keep speaking about it and just looking at the behavior and sort of understanding what the Children need. Because sometimes When children are upset or making mistakes, that's the time we try to teach them a new skill. Let me show you how to do it differently. And we forget that brain development and, uh, you know, the emotional regulation, the tricks, tricks that are happening. So children need time and autonomy. They need time for learning. They need, pace. When we have expectations, we could be discouraging them because It's not age appropriate, maybe it's not developmentally appropriate, so we could have three triplets, and all three are going to be developing at their own pace, and we just have to kind of watch that. And really wait. So it's not because Johnny next door or someone is beginning to do this. Therefore, my child should be because they were born around the same time and just having that expectations and inviting children to accept and invite them, just teach them the skill. Our job is like the shepherd Maria Montessori said, parents are teachers. Our job is to observe. Let's say if you're on the hill, like a shepherd, watch them when they go close to the hill, bring them back. But other than that, just observe and watch and keep giving them the nurturing that they need. We spoke about kind and being firm, many a times, um, I've seen either, uh, the parents will be overly kind or overly firm. Um, how can we, you know, strike that balance To, you know, um, it's not to permissiveness, neither is it to controlling. How can we do that? So in positive discipline, in our trainings, we have experienced selectivities, and that would be very much appropriate for this topic and many other positive discipline topic. But as adults, we're looking at right and wrong, good and bad so if I ask everyone here, take a deep breath in. But I don't say take a deep breath out, or breathe out. Neither are going to be really healthy. So why do we think we have to be either too firm or kind? Or what do you think of when I say kindness, sometimes we think, um, what do you think about when I say kindness? Gentle, soft. Yeah. Gentle, soft. Um, maybe understanding, understanding sometimes to an extent that you are sacrificing your own personal, you know, choices or priorities. Uh, and then the firm, um, firm, um, being too strict. Ah, so sometimes we couldn't think either being too strict or permissive or, you know, kind and supportive, but if you're just this, but not this, right. So positive discipline, what the way I can explain it is it's kind to myself. And the situation and to the other individual it's and both it's being having that significance and belonging for both. So, when we are firm. We are showing something. So here, this is our agreement. We're getting ready to go to school. Here are the clothes we agreed on. So we can just say, so the kindness would be, Oh, sweetie. Oh, come on, put those clothes on. Mommy will pick something later. And the firm is, put your clothes now. You know, this is just one example, or you could be, I understand that you don't want to wear those clothes right now. And what was our agreement about choosing from these two? We need to get going, choose one, and sometimes walking away. Giving the two choices and being able to, so it's responsibility. This is the time. This is what we agreed to. We're going to follow through. And it's kind. Because what is this child learning? We had an agreement and we're going to follow through and this is how it's done. So it's not mean, it's not kind, it's not, but it's respectful to both because it's teaching a skill to our young one and it's respectful for that time and situation. What can we do, especially when there are siblings and there are sibling rivalries and Um, we don't know because, um, both are equally important to us,. we Can't give, um, too much tension or, uh, uh, favor to one child and not to the other. In such situations, how can we deal, how can we deal with, you know, balancing the, uh, the conflict and at the same time not showing any kind of bias to either of them? So we have each child and as a parent, what a job that we have being able to balance work, life. So it's, it comes again to the balance and this is more Montessori or this is more positive discipline and both kind of an answer. So, when we're raising three children, having guidelines on how we're going to function and making agreements with everyone involved. And again, it's age appropriate. So, when we're talking about contributions, having the age appropriate for all three and switching, right, switching these jobs that we, the contributions that they offer in our home. So, uh, one of the ways that we could do that is watching One parent is going to be cooking. One child helps with this cooking. The other child has a different job. What because every human being we want to contribute, we want to be socially useful. We want to, uh, belong in a situation. And how does each person feel when they're contributing to a cause? And special situations, so Laundry. Children that are younger are learning, matching colors, making shapes. So including in that, but the older child who knows where it goes might be able to put those things in a different room. And when the challenges occur, understanding the behavior, where is it coming from and taking the time to train and giving the skills to the children that are age And sibling rivalries happen. And I remember with my children, one of the things this wise man had told us is, remember, you're going to create like, you know, you have the scale and you have two children or three children or more. If you choose one side, what's going to happen? And what is that other child going to do next? So fly united. So if there are more than one parents in a home, fly united, make sure, you know, as adults, the discipline style that you're going to both embrace, because if one Is firm. One is kind. What's going to happen? So the kind person is going to have all the children going to them and they're going to be overburdened. Oh, they always come to me. But what's the message they're getting? And then more kind one person is. What's the other person going to do? Become a little bit more firm. Now, what did the children learn? I love it. Manipulation. They're going to go back and forth. So modeling, having agreements, having guidelines and family meetings. Are we meeting regularly? Are we looking at things that are going well in our home. Let's be good finders when they're young. Let's find all the cool things everyone's doing in our home. And then when we have a meal, we're going to take turns in sharing what you notice someone else did. So instead of looking for problems in our home, now we're looking for things that are going well. So we're shifting the vision. and inviting children to be more encouraging of one another. So chances are the sibling rivalry is going to turn into more appreciation. And of course they fight because it's about positions. So Dr. Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott's book talks about birth order. You have that first child and they've been the one and only. And they get dethroned when the second child comes around, and they're the apple of our eyes, and what's going to happen from that older child, and then the younger one is like, look at me, and I am, and then you have the third child, and it depends on the age, they could be the youngest, or only if it's more than five and a half, six years of difference. So looking at the birth order is really important, and understanding all of this. really helps us navigate how we can respond to their needs and also understanding that every child, we can't help it. They're constantly observing the situation from their own lens and adding more and more different colored glasses based on what they're seeing and what they're interpreting on. I am others are the world is, and they're going to show up. Well, I think it's so exciting, isn't it? Because if it was just Every child just was obedient and did everything and I think what sometimes I wanted or we all want is children to obey when we're exhausted. And that's the time they really show us something about ourselves. They teach us every day. Yeah, yeah, I see that with my, with my daughter. And what is beautiful is when she's upset and she needs space. I would say most of the time, not all the time, but I definitely give her space and it works. When I'm frustrated or when I'm not in a, not in a space where I can, uh, give her right kind of, you know, um, time, quality time to her or, or where I can be, uh, all, all years to her, she gives me space. So, yeah, I mean, I think it's, it, it comes from that place of mutual respect. When we want the respect, we have to give the respect and treat them equal when it comes to, you know, understanding each other. We just cannot expect ordering and then, you know. Um, having a child who's just here like somebody, like a puppet who's, you know, following just the, all the orders and, and has no say in whatever they're doing. So that's unfair. And, and yeah, that's not what we want our children to become as they go. Yeah. So absolutely. You spoke about the mutual respect and it's at the firm and the kind and just looking at this whole modeling that we're doing, how are we developing this? What are some of these skills and how are they going to help them in the long run? Imagining all the things that we're doing when they're adults, all the qualities that we want in them, like life skills, maybe resiliency, critical thinking, problem solving. It's all happening right now as they're toddlers. And they don't know how to communicate with us and say, Mom, I'm feeling this way. You know, how can they just can't they can't communicate all of the feelings. So perhaps having those emotions. Um, we talked about earlier, and we could even take pictures or show pictures, right? Or make faces and say, what? Let's see what happens when we're angry. What kind of faces do we make when we're angry or when we're happy, you know, and having those pictures and they can identify how are you feeling right now? Let's look at the picture and when they can have that ability to do that in autonomy, that space, that moment to self construct or take in the moment. One thing that I, I do sometimes is I either I, when, when she was young, I used to take her in front of the mirror and I'll, I'll ask her to see her, her expressions of facial expressions when she's upset or. When she is happy. Most of the time when she was either crying or upset about something, I would just take her in front of the mirror and ask her to watch herself. And then I'll ask her to say, smile and see how your face changes. And that really, uh, worked. So now it's, it's the other way around when I'm upset or when I'm, I'm, I'm showing any kind of, uh, unwanted emotion in front of her. She takes me to the mirror and is what your face and just let me know how will it look if you were smiling and I'm like, Oh yeah, coming back to me. Uh, little teachers, uh, what a joyful time to have a toddler or any young child though their challenges. Yeah. That's how they're learning. Wow. And, and they're teaching us, yeah. Now she has grown up and she was young. Yeah. That's what I used to do. And now when she's 11, she's doing that to me. I love it. Yeah. We had a wonderful conversation and so many takeaways. I love the idea of family meeting. Um, we do it, but we are not consistent. And yeah, I think each family, every family should actually think about having these kinds of meetings where we can have a time when we are appreciating each other's effort. Because I think, especially in our culture, I've seen it, it takes very hard, it's very hard for people to appreciate others work. And it comes from family. Most often in our, um, in our culture, I've seen if somebody does nowadays, it has become now people overdo it, parents overdo it. And earlier. It was not done at all, as in appreciation was not, not given. Why? Because they thought their child will become spoiled. The children were always, um, acknowledged or always pointed at when they made a mistake. But people were always silent when they did something good. And that has, you know, inculcated in the personality in such a way that It's very hard for us to appreciate the other person's work, but it's easy to point out, you know, raise a finger on somebody who's making a mistake. So having these kinds of meeting and first, you know, starting from home itself, appreciating each other's effort. It's so important. I love the idea. Thank you for sharing with us, with everybody. Absolutely. May I add that family meetings, remember you mentioned sibling rivalry and problems that occur. So that's the opportunity at family meeting. We could say, instead of in that moment, let's write it down and we'll discuss it at family meeting. Yeah, and then you bring up that problem and say, we're going to pass a stick around and everyone gets to have a solution to this problem. And we've started with acknowledging 1 another appreciation. You can give, get or pass. Now we have a problem. We have the agenda item and we can rotate on who takes notes if you have, you know, 11 year old can definitely take notes or host a meeting. So we're not always in charge. And looking at that problem and looking at all the solutions and asking the person who put the problem to choose a solution they would like to try out. So what are we doing in that moment when the problem occurs? We are not addressing it. They feel hurt. It's going to be discussed. And by the time the problem is, the emotions are definitely not as strong. And when we're creating solution circles like this, what's going to happen? Everyone's learning. The youngest, oldest. Even us, we're surprised because we go through that, what's not working. The fear based parenting is what I say, you know, as growing up, my parents always pointed out all the things that I needed to do better. And in the effort, what you said, not wanting to, not hoping to get, you know, spoil you. Compliments were rare. Um, in my case, my father was very, um, encouraging. He wasn't complimenting, but he was encouraging always. After we made a mistake, he always sat us down. However, because of the cultural aspect, I had learned to hide my mistakes. And even into adulthood, mistakes have become really painful. And that happens, as you mentioned, in childhood, because it's always, what can you do better? It's never good enough. The bar always gets raised and you always feel like you're never going to achieve it. And then when you make a mistake, you're afraid that someone's not, you're not going to belong or feel significant because they're going to judge you. That you start to not share or fib, because I think. How do children learn to fit other talks about because the truth is unbearable because the consequences so maybe lying is a safer route in that moment, and then we punish the children because they've lied, but let's look at the behavior and purpose. Why is it. That they had the need to say this or that. So when we look at our children and create that opportunity, this is a bigger piece. When you said looking at and both firm and kind and mutual respect, um, looking at, you know, including them. Into some of these problem solving, I appreciated what you said. I think cultural aspect of it. We want perfection. We want honesty. We want all of those things and we can develop all those things using some of these lovely methods. That are encouraging rather than discouraging. Absolutely. So it was wonderful. We had a wonderful, you know, set of questions and answers and our insights. I, I mean, thank you for your beautiful insights. Um, I want to ask, um, how can we reach out to you, Yogi, if somebody needs to, you know, um, have, have some, you know, um, suggestions or, or just seeking, seeking a training from you. How can one reach? So there is a website this week. I'll be launching a new website next week. So current website is heartfelt parenting org and as of next week, we're going to have yogi patel tte. com yogi patel tte. com will also have some articles Of exactly what we spoke about some blogs, there are some videos and all of the trainings that I am offering. So heartfeltparenting. org has variety of trainings for early childhood educators, uh, positive discipline in the classroom. Teaching parenting, the positive discipline way, empowering people in the workplace and much more. There is actually a session that I'm doing in December, and it speaks about creating the life that you want and it could be your family. Finances love work, like, so all aspects, where are you now? Where do you want to go? And anyone who's taken the training with me in the past can join at no cost and otherwise is 25 U. S. dollars and then we will meet twice a year to make sure. And help one another, make sure that we're accountable and what the goals were set, because often we create this new year goal and then we kind of forget about them. But in this way, we're going to be able to. So, my job, what I love doing is create planting the seed for growth, like flowers. I love encouraging and empowering people. So, what a better way to do it than just offering some of these tools. So. I hope to speak and about these topics and see other questions as well. What a beautiful idea. I love that. Yeah. Maybe I think we can create a better world together. Yeah, absolutely. When in December. So the December 9th is the session for Wheel of Life, creating the life that you wanted or would like to have. And next year I'll be also posting some coaching sessions for parents. There'll be six coaching sessions for parents. And first week we're going to delve into exactly how to start creating some of these. You know, routines or contributions in our home, and then parents will have a chance to practice for a week and then the second week a little bit more, a little bit more, and I'll be doing the same for teachers and leaders, because there are so many leaders, including school leaders that are challenged on how do you create this balance between providing care for our children. Our parent population and to motivate our teachers at the same time, social, emotional learning. So important right now, especially after we've had some breaks due to covet 19 and, uh, the work that we want to offer is to support our children in any which way we can. To develop and to encourage and to provide hands on learning, because nothing goes to the mind, um, without using the hand. The hand is the instrument of the brain, Maria Montessori says. And how do we do that? It's not that easy. Sometimes we speak about it and say, Oh, just do this. But there are things that happen in between because children have their own goals and ideas. Yeah. And we have a good news for our Indian audience that Yogi will be flying down to India next year. And she's going to host a positive discipline course. I think both for educators as well as parents, right, Yogi? Yeah, if there is interest, we'll do parents, teachers, early childhood educators, as well as, um, K through 12 school leaders or teachers. And if there is time or opportunities, we will do empowering people in the workplace. Yeah, so for leadership, yeah, stay tuned and we'll be sharing more more information on that. I'll also be sharing Yogi's contact just in case you want to reach out to her directly. And yeah, we'll work together. So Yogi. It was a wonderful session today. And so many new things that, that we learned, I mean, that's not me, my entire audience. And I think everybody who's going to watch this video, I'm going to share this on my YouTube and Yogi will also share it. Um, so yeah, let's, let's build more, you know, people and, and have a better future. Thank you, Madhuri. You know, thank you for allowing me to speak about stuff I love, and I love talking about this, so I get energized, so my Saturday is going to be filled with energy, so thank you. Thanks, Bharat, Parul, and Ramina for joining us, and everyone else who did as well. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, everyone, and you have a lovely night or a day ahead. Have a good weekend. Bye bye. Bye for now.