S2E3-1 - Divine Idols, An April Fools Day Hijinks.wav
[00:00:00] Hades: Greetings listeners. It is with a heavy heart that I deliver this news. Unfortunately, the costs of running this podcast have become much more astronomical than initially expected. You see, we’ve had to pay for a host of things to ensure your listening comfort and pleasure. For instance, there’s been the echo cancellation to prevent you from being distracted by the ambience of the Underworld. Would you want to hear, “Greetings, folklore explorers and mythology enthusiasts” all the time? And though you may not have known this, every time my brothers Zeus and Poseidon, sisters Demeter and Hestia, and nieces and nephews Hermes, Apollo, Artemis, Dionysus, Hephaestus, Athena, Ares, and Aphrodite show up on this podcast, a royalty fee must be paid, not to mention the salaries and riders they all demand! And don’t even get me started on the upgrades we’ve had to make on the dial-up. We were cruising along just fine using a trusty old modem. It taught us patience and allowed us to be mindful about our content consumption. But alas, the clamor for higher fidelity and faster access meant we had to say goodbye to our beloved modem, and hello to something a bit more...expensive. And, let's not forget the special effects we employ to bring our tales to life. The thunderclaps you hear when Zeus is angry? Those aren't cheap. The soothing sounds of the ocean when Poseidon speaks? Folks, that requires a special kind of audio magic, which we can’t orchestrate in a tin can.
[00:01:25] The costliest thing to have come from this endeavor was the ever-growing premiums for our 'Errors and Omissions Insurance'. Given the...let's say, 'dynamic' nature of our episodes, where Olympian tempers flare and ancient grudges resurface, the risk of accidentally smiting a mortal city or turning an unsuspecting listener into a laurel tree has skyrocketed. Just last week, Zeus’s lightning bolt, intended for a dramatic entrance, nearly short-circuited the entire studio's electrical system. And I can’t ever forget the episode where Poseidon got a tad overzealous with his oceanic ambiance? Yes, the one that inadvertently summoned a minor sea storm in our recording booth. Well, each of these 'little mishaps' sends our insurance premiums through the roof.
[00:02:12] To manage these Olympian woes, we've had to secure a specialized policy that covers not just the ordinary—like accidental data breaches when Hermes gets too carried away with his messages—but also the mythically extraordinary. From Apollo's sun chariot accidentally blinding listeners (figuratively speaking, of course) to the costs associated with Dionysus's impromptu festivities leaving the studio in a state of disarray, our coverage has to be as comprehensive as the pantheon is unpredictable.
[00:02:42] So, I’m afraid that we’ll be switching to a more lucrative and low-risk podcast. Listeners, both mortal and mythical, today we’ll be airing our inaugural episode of Divine Idol, a show that so many companies are willing to sponsor, and we’ll be climbing out of our fiscal hole in one episode without any issues! Now, as with all reality shows, we must first determine who will be featured this season. Our judges this time will be Hermes, the god of communication, Athena, the goddess of wisdom, and Apollo, the god of music. These auditions have two purposes, listeners. We need to find out who will be making it onto the first season of this show, it’s true, but our sponsors favor certain deities, so our sponsors will be dependent on who makes it into the show. Let’s start with the eldest of the bunch, not technically a god at all. We’ll be starting with Chronos and his song, “Time Machine Ride”.
[00:03:35] Chronos: [Verse 1]
[00:03:36] I hopped in my time machine, set the dial to the past Destination: Mesozoic, I'm goin' back To a time when the world was wild, full of mystery and awe Dinosaurs in every shape and size, what more could I ask for (yeah, yeah)
[00:03:57] [Verse 2]
[00:03:57] T-Rex and Velociraptor, ruling the land Pterodactyls soaring high, it's all just so grand I ride on the back of a Triceratops, catchin' that prehistoric thrill Adventures through time, it's a dream come true, I can't keep still (ooh-yeah) [Chorus]
[00:04:46] Back in time, yeah, we're gonna ride With the dinosaurs, let's go for a wild slide (slide) Time machine ride, oh, it's outta sight Rockin' with the dinos, oh, what a delight (delight)
[00:05:26] Apollo: Chronos, your journey through the epochs in 'Time Machine Ride' is nothing short of a masterpiece. The way you've melded the essence of bubblegum rock with the majesty of the Mesozoic era is truly inspired. Your voice carries each note with a joy that's contagious, reminding us all to find the delight in every moment, past, present, or future. It's artists like you who turn the dial of time, not just in your machine, but in the hearts of all who listen. Bravo!
[00:05:58] Athena: Chronos, the ambition of your song, traversing the vast landscapes of time with the light-hearted spirit of bubblegum rock, is commendable. Your creative endeavor bridges a gap between epochs, engaging us with the wonders of a bygone era through a modern lens. While the juxtaposition of a less refined Nat King Cole voice with the energetic beats of Blink182 is innovative, let us also consider the coherence of this temporal journey. Moving forward, balancing the elements of historical intrigue and musical exuberance could elevate your artistry even further.
[00:06:32] Hermes: Ah, Chronos, only you could attempt to marry the age of dinosaurs with the age of pop punk and not end up as fossil fuel. 'Time Machine Ride' is an exhilarating journey—though I must say, the idea of bouncing on a Triceratops to the beat of bubblegum rock is so bizarre, it just might be genius. Your voice, a charming echo from a time not quite defined, brings a peculiar but appreciated depth to the performance. Let's just hope that if we do take this time machine ride, we remember to jump off before we hit the era of disco. We wouldn't want to go extinct from shock, now would we?
[00:07:04] Chronos: Well, I suppose I’ll simply say what my first son said. I am not the god of music for a reason, but if you—any of you—want to take a ride on a dinosaur, let me know. I’m sure I could make it happen.
[00:07:16] Hades: Now let us turn to my brother Zeus, the king of the gods and the one nobody but I can dare put second. He has a rap song for us all entitled “Zeus on the Loose”.
[00:07:27] Zeus: [Verse] Yo, listen up, I got a story to tell 'Bout a rendezvous I had, it was heaven, oh hell Got Zeus on the mic, droppin' lightning like thunder But I gotta be quick, gotta run from my blunder [Verse 2] Hera's wrath, it's a force not to be reckoned But when I see a fine lady, my heart starts to beckon So I sneak out, with a plan up my sleeve But Hera's got spies, gotta leave, gotta leave [Chorus] I'm Zeus on the loose, dodging Hera's wrath Gotta find a hiding place, slip away in a flash She's the queen of the gods, ain't no messing around Zeus on the loose, gotta stay one step ahead, yeah!
[00:08:34] Apollo: Zeus, my dear father, your foray into the realm of rap is as bold as your thunderbolts. While the heavens may shake with your every step, it seems the microphone does too—perhaps a bit too much, obscuring the divine words you bestow upon us. Yet, there's a charm in your audacity, a reminder that even the king of gods can laugh at himself. The backdrop of your escapades, set against Hera's formidable vigilance, offers a narrative as old as time, yet freshly entertaining in your... unique delivery. May your voice be clearer than your skies, and may your rap journey find its rhythm.
[00:09:13] Athena: Zeus, undertaking the art of rap as you govern the skies is an ambitious endeavor. Your lyrical odyssey, evading Hera's justified ire, is a humorous twist on the tales that have filled our pantheon's halls for eons. However, the cacophony of background vocals may have veiled your divine decree more effectively than any of your disguises. Precision in storytelling, as in ruling, is key. Perhaps a more discerning approach to your auditory accompaniments could enhance your message, ensuring your words strike as sharply as your lightning bolts.
[00:09:47] Hermes: Oh, Zeus, hearing you rap is like watching Apollo try to outdrink Dionysus—it's entertaining but leaves us a bit worried. Your adventure into rap is as chaotic as your love life, with background vocals louder than a thunderstorm on Olympus. It's hard to hear the wisdom of the gods when it's buried under the sound of your own thunder. Still, you've managed to turn Hera's wrath into a hit track, which is no small feat. Just remember, next time you grab the mic, it might be safer to rap about something less... incendiary. Or at least make sure we can hear the apologies you're undoubtedly rapping under those beats.
[00:10:18] Zeus: Ha! Can’t you see? I had to make sure the words were obscured, just in case Hera was listening!
[00:10:24] Hades: Now, let us turn our attention to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. She will be singing “My Soul’s Fierce Lord”.
[00:10:33] Aphrodite: [Verse 1]
[00:10:35] Your eyes burn hot with battle's fire,
[00:10:39] The thrill of conquest is your desire.
[00:10:46] Your strength unyielding, a fearsome sight,
[00:10:52] The clash of swords your sole delight.
[00:10:56] [Verse 2]
[00:10:58] Wild heart, untamed, a force so bold,
[00:11:04] Yet 'neath the armor, a spirit of gold.
[00:11:10] Your passion burns, a blazing flame,
[00:11:16] With you beside me, fear has no name.
[00:11:24] [Chorus]
[00:11:24] Ares, my warrior, fierce and true,
[00:11:30] My heart in battle beats for you.
[00:11:34] God of the tempest, my soul's fierce lord,
[00:11:39] By your side forever, I pledge my sword.
[00:11:45] [Outro]
[00:11:49] Ares, my warrior, fierce and true,
[00:11:54] My heart in battle beats for you.
[00:11:57] God of the tempest, my soul's fierce lord,
[00:12:03] By your side forever, I pledge my sword.
[00:12:12] Ooh yeah,
[00:12:14] I pledge my sword.
[00:12:16] Apollo: Aphrodite, your song, like a flame in the night, illuminates the depth of love and passion that can only be sung by a heart as vast as the sea from which you arose. The warmth of your verses brings comfort, much like sitting before a fire, while the melody carries the grandeur of tales told in the halls of Disney. Your voice enchants us with a harmony so pure it could soothe even the most troubled soul. In every note, there's a reminder that love, in all its forms, is the truest form of strength. A magnificent tribute, truly worthy of the goddess of love.
[00:12:52] Athena: Aphrodite, through your song, you've masterfully portrayed the complexity of love and war, intertwining them like threads of gold in the fabric of fate. The fiery passion of your words reflects the eternal dance between strength and vulnerability, a theme as timeless as the gods themselves. Your melody, akin to a siren's call, beckons us to look beyond the armor to the heart that beats beneath. This duality, captured within the essence of a Disney ballad, serves as a poignant reminder of the power that lies in unity and devotion. Your artistry not only captures the imagination but also invites reflection on the nature of our own battles and loves.
[00:13:30] Hermes: Oh, Aphrodite, who knew the goddess of love had such a flare for the dramatics? Your song's a blend of fire and sweetness so intense, it could make even Hades feel a touch of warmth in his icy heart. Singing about Ares with such fervor, you've turned the battlefield into a love scene straight out of a Disney movie—complete with its own soundtrack. It's a performance so enchanting, even the muses might need to take notes. But let's be honest, pledging your sword alongside your heart? That's commitment on a divine level. Just make sure Ares knows he's supposed to fight alongside you, not against you. With a ballad like this, who needs ambrosia when we've got love as potent as your lyrics?
[00:14:08] Aphrodite: Ah, you see, when love is my guiding light, anything is possible. I have no doubt in my mind that my warrior prince will sweep me away with his response.
[00:14:17] Hades: Next up we have Ares, who may or may not be planning to make Aphrodite’s dreams come true with his song, “Rise Against”.
[00:14:24] Ares: [Verse]
[00:14:25] We've been beaten down, we've been silenced for too long
[00:14:30] They try to control us, but we know right from wrong
[00:14:35] They feed on our fears, they thrive on our despair
[00:14:40] But we won't back down, we will rise and declare
[00:14:44] [Verse 2]
[00:14:46] We've seen the lies, we've seen the broken promises
[00:14:51] Their greed and corruption, it's time to resist
[00:14:56] We'll fight for justice, for freedom, and for truth
[00:15:01] Together we stand, unyielding in our pursuit
[00:15:06] [Chorus]
[00:15:06] We won't be silenced, we won't be enslaved
[00:15:12] We'll rise against the darkness, our voices will not fade
[00:15:17] In the face of tyranny, we'll stand tall and strong
[00:15:23] United we'll reclaim our rights and rewrite this song.
[00:15:30] [Outro]
[00:15:30] No longer silent, our spirits uncaged,
[00:15:36] A fire within us, our fury fully raged.
[00:15:41] The time has come, our voices are strong,
[00:15:46] Together we will build a world where we belong.
[00:15:53] Where we belong!
[00:15:56] Where we belong!
[00:15:56] Apollo: By the strings of my lyre, Ares, I am utterly astounded! The god of war, channeling his ferocity and fervor into a protest folk song with such passion and depth—I would not have believed it had I not witnessed it with my own divine eyes. Your voice, carrying the weight of justice and the flame of rebellion, has truly captivated the essence of music's power to inspire change. This performance demands an encore, Ares. Sing again, and let us be further moved by the depths of your unexpected musical talents.
[00:16:35] Athena: Ares, to say I am astonished would be an understatement of epic proportions. Your song, a clarion call for justice and unity, showcases a strategic mastery of rhetoric and emotion, channeling your fervor for battle into a fight for a nobler cause. This transformation from warrior to bard, from god of war to herald of peace, it's not only unexpected but deeply moving. You've wielded your voice as skillfully as you do your sword, cutting through apathy and despair to inspire action and hope. I find myself compelled to hear more, to witness once again the power of music to change hearts and minds. Ares, the stage beckons for your encore.
[00:17:15] Hermes: Well, if it isn't Ares, the god of war, turning into a god of words and melodies! I must say, I'm as shocked as if Zeus had sworn off mischief for good. Here I was, expecting a battle hymn or a warrior's chant, and instead, you deliver a protest song with the soul of a revolutionary. It's so unexpected, it's almost as if you've stolen one of Apollo's muses for your own. But, I must admit, your performance has left me gobsmacked. Let's have another, shall we? If only to prove this isn't some divine prank you're playing on us all.
[00:17:42] Ares: All right then. Just as a soldier follows the orders of his commander when it is for a just cause, I shall heed the call of my divine judges and sing another song.
[00:17:52] Hades: Next we have an encore from Ares, as requested by the judges titled "Your Suffering Is My Suffering". It sure doesn't sound like a love song, unless perhaps he's talking about his in-laws?
[00:18:03] Ares: [Verse 1]
[00:18:13] In the land of olive trees and ancient lore,
[00:18:19] A people yearn for freedom, they had in the days of yore.
[00:18:26] The ruthless hand of Israel, with fury and with flame,
[00:18:32] Has laid waste to Gaza, stoking a war without a name.
[00:18:40] I am Ares, god of war, and I have seen it all,
[00:18:46] The heedless call to arms, so many empires rise and fall.
[00:18:53] But this ongoing genocide, it chills me to the bone,
[00:19:01] For in the name of self-defense, a people are left alone.
[00:19:07] [Chorus]
[00:19:08] Oh, Gaza, Gaza, can't you hear me call,
[00:19:14] Your cries echo through history, a wail for one and all,
[00:19:21] Let the world hear your voices, let them see your pain,
[00:19:27] Let the Earth tremble with injustice, let it rain, let it rain.
[00:19:51] [Verse 2]
[00:19:51] The bombs fall down like thunder, the guns blast like a storm,
[00:19:56] The hospitals are targeted, the wounded left to mourn,
[00:20:01] The schools and mosques lie in ruins, water tainted red,
[00:20:06] Amid the cold, unyielding siege, no mercy is shed.
[00:20:10] I am Ares, god of war, but this I cannot bear,
[00:20:16] For all the battles I have spurred, lives lost to war's despair,
[00:20:21] I see the face of innocence, the child bereft of joy,
[00:20:28] A storm of anger and sadness, a power that comes to destroy.
[00:20:34] [Chorus]
[00:20:36] Oh, Gaza, Gaza, can't you hear me cry,
[00:20:41] Your suffering is my suffering, your tears have filled my eyes,
[00:20:47] Let the skies rain down with fury, let the sea roar with rage,
[00:20:53] For your plight is our plight, in this dark, tragic age.
[00:21:08] [Outro]
[00:21:09] I am Ares, god of war, but it doesn't mean that I,
[00:21:14] Enjoy seeing innocent people suffer, slowly starve, and die.
[00:21:20] This is not war, this is a crime against humanity,
[00:21:26] Against freedom, justice, and rights, on display for all to see.
[00:21:31] I will lift my voice in protest, I will raise my sword in peace,
[00:21:39] And call upon the gods and mortals, together, to find release,
[00:21:47] Let the world see this truth, restore justice, make it right,
[00:21:56] Let the light of freedom shine, in Gaza, and forever bright.
[00:22:05] Hades: Listeners, given that this was a very poignant song, and Ares was, shall we say, getting into the spirit of Middle Eastern folk, I shall do my best to read the lyrics while he sings this again so that the message isn't lost.
[00:22:27] [Ares sings again while Hades reads the words.]
[00:26:20] Apollo: Ares, once again, you've taken us by surprise, weaving a melody that captures the soul as much as it captivates the ear. Your transition into acoustic Middle Eastern folk is not only seamless but deeply moving. The raw emotion in your voice, the earnestness with which you deliver each line—it's a prime example of music’s power to transcend mere words, to touch hearts, and to call for change. This performance, it's not just good, it's transformative. It reminds us all of the role art plays in echoing the cries and hopes of humanity.
[00:26:47] Athena: In a performance as poignant as it is powerful, Ares, you have once again demonstrated a remarkable versatility and depth. Your voice carries the weight of the message you sing, with a clarity and passion that leaves a lasting impact. The choice of acoustic Middle Eastern folk provides a fitting backdrop to the gravity of the lyrics, grounding your song in the reality of those it seeks to represent. It's a brave, bold statement, showcasing not only your musical talent but also a profound sensitivity to the stories of our time. Truly, this is the work of a god who understands the complexity of war and peace alike.
[00:27:24] Hermes: Well, well, if it isn't Ares, turning the tables on us once more. From stirring the drums of war to strumming the strings of peace—you really are full of surprises. This performance, with its haunting melody and heartfelt lyrics, cuts deeper than any blade could. You've managed to harness the spirit of Middle Eastern folk music, weaving a narrative so potent, it could make the most stoic of Olympians weep. It's not just good; it's disarmingly powerful. Your voice, a mix of strength and subtlety, has truly become a force to be reckoned with. Ares, the god of war, championing peace through song? Now, that's a story for the ages.
[00:28:02] Dionysus: I was gonna sing, but Ares, you totally made that unnecessary!
[00:28:06] Artemis: I’ll say! No hunting song could ever top those two numbers!
[00:28:10] Apollo: I suppose it’s settled, then. Ares is our divine idol for the season!
[00:28:15] Athena: What will our sponsors say?
[00:28:18] Hermes: Forget the sponsors! What are we going to air for the rest of the season if the show is over in a single episode?
[00:28:23] Zeus: It looks like we’ll have to go back to the regular programming, which means I’ll have to find some more mythical sponsors!
[00:28:30] Hades: Dear listeners, both mortal and divine, as we draw this episode to a close, I find myself standing at the crossroads of expectation and revelation. Today was meant to be an interlude of light-hearted jest, a playful departure from our usual fare. We embarked on what we thought would be a brief journey into the world of Divine Idols, an April Fool's prank designed to bring a smile, perhaps a chuckle, in the midst of our shared toils and troubles.
[00:28:59] Yet, as often happens when gods mingle with the fates of men, the narrative took a turn toward something unexpected, something deeply moving. Ares, known to many as the god of war, stepped onto our stage not to boast of battles won or foes vanquished, but to raise his voice in a plea for peace, for understanding, and for the recognition of humanity's shared suffering and resilience. Through his song, we were reminded of the ongoing tragedy in Gaza, where over 40,000 lives have been ruthlessly taken, including at least 15,000 children, and where the specter of famine looms large over a beleaguered people.
[00:29:39] Folklore, dear friends, is not merely the recounting of old tales; it is the very foundation of our collective identity, a treasury of our hopes, fears, sorrows, and dreams. It is how we remember those who came before us, and how we will be remembered by those who follow. In the land of olive trees and ancient lore, amidst the heartache and the strife, the spirit of a people fights to endure, their stories a sign of their strength and resolve.
[00:30:08] Tonight, as we stand on the brink of returning to our roots with 'Fireside Folklore with Hades,' let us carry forward not just the echoes of laughter and the remnants of song, but the solemn reminder of our shared humanity, of the enduring power of love and the unbreakable will of those who stand in the light of truth.
[00:30:27] We began today with the aim of climbing out of a fictional fiscal hole, but we end it with our hearts filled, reminded once again that the true wealth of this podcast lies not in gold, but in the stories we share, the cultures we celebrate, and the connections we forge along the way.
[00:30:44] Thank you for joining us on this unexpected journey. In honoring the unexpected depth of today's performances and the real-world issues they've highlighted, we reaffirm our commitment to Fireside Folklore with Hades. Not because it is easy, but because, now more than ever, the world needs these stories. The costs of running this podcast pale in comparison to the price of silence, of forgetting our shared humanity, of turning away from the struggles that define so many lives.
[00:31:14] Together, may we continue to explore the depths of mythology, to uncover the lessons of the past, and to shine a light on the paths that lay before us. Until next time, keep the fires of folklore burning bright and let the voices of the gods and heroes, of the oppressed and the triumphant, remind us of who we are, who we have been, and who we aspire to be.