00:00 - 00:07
Hera: Zeus! Zeus! Where are you? You're with another 1 of your paramours, aren't you? That's why you've been absent so often.
00:08 - 00:14
Zeus: Of course not, dear. If I were with a paramour, do you think I would be so flagrant about my absences?
00:15 - 00:19
Hera: Ha! Don't try to fool me. I know you're lying to me.
00:19 - 00:33
Zeus: I've said it before and I'll say it again, Hera. I have been in the underworld with Hades, working on his podcast. Although I'm not a host, I have 2 segments I'm responsible for. The lightning round and the sponsor message. If you don't believe me, then ask Hades himself.
00:34 - 00:55
Hera: You know I can't do that. He declared me persona non grata after I tried to have Heracles killed by him via the 12th and final labor. You've fabricated a story about some podcast just because you know I am not welcome in Hades' realm and won't be able to find out anything there. It wouldn't surprise me if Hades gave you a secret chamber in his palace for your extramarital activities.
00:56 - 01:14
Zeus: Regardless of your feud with our brother, he would never condone or assist with any infidelity on my part. He stayed out of the Olympian rebellion as well as the Trojan War. He's just not that sort of God. And anyway, given that you're feuding, do you think he would make it worse for himself by helping me?
01:14 - 01:21
Hera: Of course he would. It would be the perfect opportunity to add fuel to the fire and spite me for the sake of seeing me suffer
01:21 - 01:36
Zeus: Really now? You actually think the stoic, implacable, and pitiless death god would go out of his way to invite trouble into his domain? Look, if you don't believe me, why don't you search for the podcast and have a listen? It's called Fireside Folklore with Hades.
01:36 – 01:54
Hera: Hmph! I'll do that when the Phlegethon freezes over.
[Hera types on her phone, looking for the podcast.]
By the gods, the podcast really does exist. And it's been going on for 8 months now? This is most surprising indeed.
01:55 – 02:06
Zeus: Zeus on the loose, dodging Hera's wrath Gotta find a hiding place, slip away in a flash She's the queen of the gods, ain't no messing around Zeus on the loose, gotta stay one step ahead, yeah!
02:09 - 02:18
Hera: What's this? Zeus On the Loose? Is he serious? I can't believe running from here is wrath. My husband sure doesn't have any shame, but maybe that's because I'm not there.
02:19 - 02:29
Hades: Zarah heard the sound of the woman trying to open the door, but it had been locked from the inside. In terror, Zarah lay there, unable to speak. At that moment, the milk cow cried out,
02:30 - 02:40
Hestia: Though you may try to eat the family you host, you'll not get the chance while I stand at my post. I'll protect my mistress and her children too, by kicking over this lamp. That's what I'll do.
[Tinkling glass.]
02:41 - 02:47
Hera: Oh, this scene with the she-demon trying to enter their room is definitely scary. The sound design is surprisingly well done.
02:47 - 02:51
Zeus: You see, tonight, our podcast is being sponsored by Hades' Haunt Repellent.
02:52 - 03:13
Hades: Hades' Haunt Repellent? Really, brother? Really? Since when would I, the patron of the dead, want to create a Haunt Repellent? I am their guardian, their final keeper, shielding them from the disturbances of the living. This is like Athena promoting a hypnosis session to induce stupidity or Apollo selling sunblock. The absurdity knows no bounds.
03:14 - 03:24
Zeus: But Hades, think of the mortals. It's about giving them peace, not disturbing your realm. Imagine their relief knowing their homes are specter free, a courtesy extended from the underworld itself.
03:25 - 03:44
Hades: 'Peace for mortals?' Zeus, you make it sound as if my domain is spilling over with restless spirits looking to crash mortal dinner parties. I assure you the dead are quite content under my watch. This mystical mist is nothing but a farce, a ploy playing on mortal fears. What next? A perfume that wards off the Fates' scissors?
03:45 - 03:50
Zeus: Well, the pomegranate scent is rather popular. It could bring a hint of Elysium into any dreary mortal abode.
03:51 - 04:09
Hades: Oh, how thoughtful. Perhaps Persephone would enjoy this Elysium essence during her time above. From the depths of Tartarus to your living room, Experience the freshness of the Elysian fields with Hades's Haunt Repellent. Ridiculous. Are we in the business of myth-making or myth-breaking here?
04:09 - 04:14
Zeus: It's all about bridging the divine and the mortal, brother. Think of the goodwill it spreads.
04:15 - 04:28
Hades: Goodwill? More like good grief. I reign over the silent depths and yet here we are, hawking ghostly gimmicks. I half expect to see Cerberus Chew Toys or Charon's Leisurely River Cruises as our next divine offerings.
04:28 - 04:31
Zeus: Don't tempt the Fates with those ideas, Hades.
04:31 - 04:36
Hades: Ugh, you know what? Scrap that copy. I'll sponsor this podcast myself.
04:36 - 04:45
Hera: My brother? He actually sponsored the podcast himself because he got sick of all the ads? And what wisdom would he have imparted, I wonder?
04:45 - 05:56
Hades: Listeners, as the New Year dawns, I offer not a product but a gem of wisdom from the depths of the Underworld. Consider the diamond, a symbol of resilience and beauty. Born from mere coal, it endures immense pressure and heat to emerge as something enduring and radiant. So too are your spirits forged. In the coming year, remember, life's pressures are not merely burdens, but catalysts for transformation. Just as coal endures the Earth's embrace to become a diamond, So must you embrace your challenges. They are opportunities to grow stronger, wiser, more brilliant in character. Furthermore, as you navigate through life's shadows, let them not dismay you. For it is in the shadows that we often find the most valuable truths, just as the most precious diamonds are unearthed from the darkest minds. Embrace these moments, for they refine and reveal your true essence. And lastly, cherish the bonds you form, for they are the true treasures of life. Stronger than the hardest diamond, these connections transcend time and tide. As we embark on this new year, let us forge our spirits into something unbreakable, radiant and timeless.
05:57 - 06:01
Hera: Oh my, I didn't realize he could be so poetic.
06:02 - 06:19
Hades: Well listeners, if Ares and Hephaestus can put aside their differences, I suppose that Hera and I can too. But not being gifted with musical talents, I'll have to come up with something that won't send Hera running off to Olympus. Maybe I can bake her some ambrosia cookies or help her catch Zeus with his latest paramour.
06:20 - 06:55
Hera: And what's this? He actually wants me to be part of his podcast. He wants to make peace. He's gotten Ares to show a tender side and make peace with Hephaestus. My brother is much more sentimental than I realized. His stern voice, so filled with gravitas, belies a heart with a deep capacity for love. I want to go down there to his realm, but he declared me persona non grata. What should I do? Fight the shadows that will attack me in order to prove my determination to make peace? I suppose that is what I must do. Perhaps it is a test. Well, no matter. I intend to pass it, come what may.
06:55 - 06:57
Charon: My lord Hera is on her way.
06:57 - 07:00
Hades: Oh, is she? You remember what I said about her, I take it?
07:00 - 07:04
Charon: Yes. So you'd like us to launch Operation Slingshot then?
07:04 - 07:06
Hades: Absolutely, without fail.
07:06 - 07:09
Charon: If you say so, but won't you nullify your hard work?
07:09 - 07:14
Hades: As Hera's little brother, I think I should take this opportunity to make some mischief.
07:14 - 07:20
Charon: You know, Boss, you really are something else. The myths definitely got it wrong when it comes to you.
07:20 - 07:28
Hades: No, I simply changed. After all, millennia spent in the Underworld would drive anyone mad, even a self-respecting god.
07:28 - 07:50
Hera: Well, here goes nothing. Everything seems quiet. If I simply move silently into his realm, then...
[Cartoon slingshot noises]
Oh my, what is this? Waves of the undead are pelting me with... Can it be Ambrosia cookies? Oh, not even Hestia could make Ambrosia cookies that tasted as good as my brother, Hades'. Is this a peace offering, or might he have put something wicked and devilish into the recipe?
07:50 - 07:55
Hades: I swear that these cookies contain nothing but pomegranate molasses, ambrosia, and my love.
07:56 - 08:02
Hera: Your love? Hades, are you the same brother I encountered when I unwisely sent Heracles to retrieve Cerberus?
08:03 - 08:36
Hades: Indeed, sister, it is I. Though I may still be the ruler of a place that is cold, dark, and unforgiving, my world-weary soul has learned the importance of reconciliation, empathy, and love. I see now that though your rage at Heracles was misguided, (it is our brother Zeus to whom your rage should have been directed), for even a god cannot run from his adultery forever. You did what you felt you needed to in order to receive retribution. I hope you know that pulling others, and in particular unwitting others, into your revenge schemes leads to fractured relationships.
08:37 - 08:40
Hera: And many millennia without your ambrosia cookies.
08:40 - 08:45
Hades: That too. And my sister being conspicuously missing from the family podcast.
08:46 - 08:51
Hera: Yes. You know, Hades, I made amends with Heracles much faster than you and I reconciled.
08:51 - 08:53
Hades: The underworld's grudges run deep.
08:53 - 08:55
Hera: And so do the grudges of a prideful queen.
08:56 - 09:15
Hades: Indeed, the echoes of our squabbles resonate through the ages, yet Here we are sharing ambrosia cookies. What say you, Hera? Shall we put an end to these ancient grievances and collaborate on the next episode of Fireside Folklore with Hades? There are countless tales left untold that could benefit from your bold regal presence.
09:15 - 09:26
Hera: Even in the depths of the Underworld, there is room for growth and change. I look forward to our next collaboration, Hades. Even gods can learn from their mistakes and forge new paths together.
09:27 - 09:32
[Popping champagne cork.]
Hades: A toast then, [pouring champagne], to new beginnings and more folklore around the fireside with everyone from our family present.
[Clink of two glasses.]
09:35 - 10:07
Aphrodite: Isn't it great to see Hades and Hera on good terms again? Before I join them down in the Underworld for those ambrosia cookies, I want to thank a very special listener for helping to pick out Mount Olympus' Queen's voice. Francisco, the soccer coach extraordinaire in Carpinteria, California, is the genius behind Hera's dulcet tones. And now that she and Hades are friends again, you'll get to hear her featured on future tales. Before I'm left with crumbs, I'm going to go grab some ambrosia cookies. Farewell!
10:08 - 12:32
Ares sings:
esentation:
[Verse 1]
Hera and Hades,
they were at odds
Sister and brother, both mighty gods
Hera's jealousy caused a rift so deep
Sent Heracles down, where shadows creep
[Chorus]
But love can conquer, even gods can change
Forgiveness is the key, to break the chains
Hera and Hades, they're making amends
Siblings reunited, the feud now ends
[Verse 2]
Hades opened his heart, with a podcast start
Sharing tales of old, a brand new art
Hera listened in, her heart did sway
Realized her brother, had a lot to say
[Chorus]
But love can conquer, even gods can change
Forgiveness is the key, to break the chains
Hera and Hades, they're making amends
Siblings reunited, the feud now ends
[Bridge]
Ambrosia cookies, a peace offering sweet
Hades' love in every treat
Hera saw the light, let go of her pride
Together again, standing side by side
[Verse 3]
No more grudges, just sibling love
Hera and Hades, blessed from above
Working together, on tales untold
A bond unbreakable, worth more than gold
[Chorus]
But love can conquer, even gods can change
Forgiveness is the key, to break the chains
Hera and Hades, they're making amends
Siblings reunited, the feud now ends
[Outro]
Hera and Hades, a story of grace
Forgiveness and love, in the gods' embrace
Together they'll share, folklore and rhyme
Siblings reunited, until the end of time.