Cake Therapy with Dr. Altreisha Foster: What I'm Baking Through

As we stand at the threshold of another year, I, Dr. Altreisha Foster, invite you into my sanctuary of flour and feelings on the Cake Therapy podcast. Let's embrace the solace found in the ritual of baking, discovering how it intertwines with the threads of grief and healing. This episode carries you through the tender echoes of my holiday season, one where my mother's struggle with Parkinson's disease colored our family traditions. You'll witness the delicate balance between the sugar-dusted memories of my aunt Nellie's fruitcake recipe and the sobering realities of life's fragility. Together, we'll reflect on past conversations with inspiring bakers like Ron Ben-Israel and Rae Anderson, while teasing the tastes of future dialogues with the artisans like Lima Cakes.

Transitioning into the heart of our discussions, we wade into the deep waters of letting go, of making those decisions that weigh heavily on our hearts and go against the grain of cultural expectations. The story I share is not just mine but is echoed in homes across the world—the transition of a loved one into nursing care. Here, you'll find a space to navigate the guilt and grief that accompany such choices, and understand why sometimes, entrusting professional hands with the care of those we cherish most can be the most profound act of love. As we knead through personal trauma and its impact on family dynamics, you're invited to find comfort in the knowledge that even the most hidden stories have the power to knit us closer, affirming that healing is possible, one recipe at a time. Join us for an episode that is as much a balm for the soul as it is nourishment for the heart.

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Support the Cake Therapy Foundation:
1. Cake Therapy - Cake Therapy (thecaketherapyfoundation.org)
2 Buy Me A Coffee : The Cake Therapy Foundation (buymeacoffee.com)
3. Buy The Book: Cake Therapy: How Baking Changed My Life https://a.co/d/76dZ5T0

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the Cake Therapy podcast a slice of joy and healing, with your host, Dr Altricia Foster. This is a heartwarming and uplifting space that celebrates the transformative power of baking therapy. The conversations will be a delightful blend of inspirational stories, expert insights and practical baking tips. Each episode will take listeners on a journey of self-discovery, emotional healing and connection through the therapeutic art of baking. There's something here for everyone, so lock in and let's get into it.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hi guys, welcome to the Cake Therapy podcast with me, your host, dr Altricia Foster. So today's episode I'm really excited, but I'm not sure if I'm so excited. I know it's me being transparent. I guess you know I wanted to stop in, you know, to share with you, our listeners, how much I appreciate the love and the excitement around the Cake Therapy podcast. Jees, thank you for supporting this new baby of mine. I've enjoyed your listenership. I've enjoyed, you know, getting your feedback, but this space is really intended for that, you know, to talk about what people are experiencing as they're baking and what they've baked through their trauma. And you know, as I was sitting on the plane the other day for coming back from visiting my mom and I was thinking to myself, like man, I need to touch base with our listeners, kind of first tell them happy new year. I know we're much further down in the year, but first a happy new year to you and I'm just wishing that your 2020-24 is over successful, right. I want you to be able to say I've listened to the Cake Therapy podcast and I've learned so much and here's a recipe I'm going to try. I'm going to at least try this one recipe to see if I could heal some things, can take me out of this place of confusion and hurt that I you know that you currently exist in, I would say, but besides that, I wanted to talk to you about some of the things that I've been baking through.

Speaker 2: 2:39

So last year our podcast started off with Ronbin Israel, marina Machado, cakes by Ray Anderson oh my goodness. We had cakes by Ella. We had amazing, amazing guests on our show and, believe me, we still have a lot in store. You've heard from Portia Kimball. We have conversations with Lehman cakes coming up, we have conversations with Ivy and Stone, the Ink Sweets, flora Housecakes, and the list goes on and on, and I'm really excited to bring to you these conversations because I know that these are conversations that people want to hear, people have enjoyed listening to. So, thank you, thank you for listening and thank you for encouraging me over the few months since I've launched this podcast that, yes, you can. Whatever you've dreamt for yourself and what you dreamt about for this podcast can come to fruition, can be a success and it can provide some healing to our listeners going forward. So, yes, so, following those amazing conversations, like cakes by Ray Anderson and Ronbin Israel's cakes, they had like Christmas or holiday shows. So we've seen those. They did well and I'm excited for those people and I'm excited that they participated in our conversations. So kudos to them. So shout out to Ronbin Israel cakes and cakes by Ray Anderson for having these holiday specials in December.

Speaker 2: 4:30

Have you guys listened to Dee Dee Charter and Jessica's episode? Listen, I'm a track fan, okay, and that conversation with Dee Dee and her sous chef, jessica, was amazing. I felt so comfortable. It was a place of understanding and sisterhood and that was an amazing conversation for us. But let's just hop right into. You know why I'm, I'm, I'm hopped on here.

Speaker 2: 5:02

You know, I decided to take my turn at the mic and I was just one of my baking throw. You know, I, I, I want to be as authentic in this space, to be completely honest, and my, my holidays weren't so good and they weren't so great for a myriad of reasons. And I was in the kitchen and I was. I was making my aunt Nellie's fruit cake. I made batches of that fruit cake and gave them away because I was, my holiday wasn't, wasn't good at all and I wanted to find some solace in in a cake that had meaning to me, in a recipe that holds so much joy and happiness to me. And so I, over the holidays, I really baked my aunt Nellie's fruit cake. Why the holidays were really stressful for me? Because my mom, my beloved Lorna my chapter three in cake therapy, how baking changed my life became ill.

Speaker 2: 6:14

So over the years my mother has been had been struggling with Parkinson's disease. You know, she's a 20 odd year, she's a very breast cancer over two decades, but she has been struggling with Parkinson's disease. But this, this is a newer. You know, this is a new relic, new. So this is a neurological disease. Right, that I would say, as my husband would say that it progresses.

Speaker 2: 6:47

So it's a progressive disease and for me, I always saw my mom as this strong, vibrant, can do it all. When I think of my mom, I think of strength, I think of grace, I think of grit, I think of beauty personified, I think of empathy, I think of my goodness, the best there is and the best there is and the best there is. She is like the champion of it all. So having her health decline and watching it decline has been one of the darkest, hardest journeys of my life and the love I have for my mom is I can't even describe it. She is my only parent. She parented me. You know my father gave up on the dream of me. My mother didn't. She gave it all to me and then having to watch her decline has been something that has been slowly breaking my heart.

Speaker 2: 8:14

Over the holidays, I would say my mom, actually over the summer. Over the summer I started to see the progression of her disease become a little bit more apparent. Where mom would start, she was hallucinating. But when I say like the hallucinations could easily be overlooked sometimes because they were so tied in with mom's personality as she was getting older, like I would say, you know, I should say and so for me I was guilty of overlooking it. You know, even when my brother kept saying like, no, like mom's declining, I was like no, because who wants to really believe and see that their mother is declining in health? But you know she was and I had to force myself to get to that place. And as I was forcing myself to get to that place, like pieces of me were dying, like how can I continue to work on anybody's contract being this broken girl? I'm watching my mother leave. She is disappearing within herself and anybody who's had a parent who was advanced, or I should say my mother has the end stage of Parkinson's disease is now metamorphosized, you know, into what is now viewed as dementia.

Speaker 2: 10:06

My mom has full blown dementia right now and even getting to that diagnosis for me was hard because, like I don't want, I didn't want to see my mom, I say for a very, very long time and I was in denial, you know, I know matter how much money you have and how much money you want to throw at this thing. Like my mom was still advanced, the disease was still advancing, and you know I say this and I mentioned the money part because I was simply like working this hard to give my mom the world, like my mother, like I am at a place where I can take my mom to places that she's only read about or dream about, and but now you know I'm giving her, I'm giving her medicines to fix a problem on places that she could have only dreamt about. So the form in which my mom's experiencing the world is through medicine and not through vacations. And I started to replay, you know, some of those moments when I should have, you know where I should have, and we've decided to like just wait, like wait. You know, she's the just wait lady. You know, and as your parents are getting older, when you tell your parent you want to do something and they say, just give me the money at night, no, don't just give them the money, just give them what they need. You know, take them on vacations, take them to see the world. You know, don't listen to them. Buy the tickets and just take them. Because guess what I'm wishing? I'm wishing I could have taken, I could take that money. I'm wishing I could take back, just as a wedging myself to to say, yes, mommy, you know. So I'm baking and I'm grieving the loss of my mom. Right now my mom is still physically here, but the dementia has stolen, has stolen the last of what I have left.

Speaker 2: 13:01

The Thanksgiving weekend, my mom called me a different name. In my book, cake Therapy how Baking Changed my Life, I tell the story of how my mom labored to give me this name. She labored to bring me here. She labored, she gave up everything for me. She labored to give me that name and she forgot it. My mother forgot my name. Thanksgiving weekend, my mom, my mom, she, my mom, suffered the hallucination, the cries.

Speaker 2: 13:45

My mom has gotten to a place where she's sad. Her memories, her memories are making her sad. She's experienced like trauma, like you've never, you could never understand. But then it's only coming up now. My mom's only sharing the things that she's experienced as a child, the things that she had to give up. She's only remembering and regurgitating these things since the advancement of her disease. And I sit back and I said I wonder, I wish mom had. I wish mom had shared, like some of these things that she had been through, because maybe, just maybe, I could have gotten the help she needed and my mom's past wouldn't be haunting her until the future that she has left.

Speaker 2: 14:54

And when I think of baking and I think about how baking has changed my life and has really changed the relationship that I've had with my mom, I'm I was praying that, as I was baking my auntie Nellie's cake, that I could find some answers, I could find my way through communicating with my mom, but I was in the kitchen alone. I was in the kitchen since my auntie Nellie died. I made that food cake. My mom was always in the kitchen with me because I simply wanted to get that, you know, to curate a memory of mom and I baking auntie Nellie's food cake, because I know that auntie Nellie baked that food cake with her daughter Lisha. Because if you ask Lisha now she can tell you auntie Nellie's food cake. Just from memory I have it written down. So mommy and I usually, you know, make that cake, but this holiday I was in the kitchen by myself just making the cake. I didn't have anybody to ask any questions. Well, I had Lisha and Janelle, you know cousins, my first cousins. So you know we would talk to each other because we're trying to really find our way through this holiday without auntie Nellie but wanting auntie Nellie's food cake. This is hard. This new normal for me is hard.

Speaker 2: 16:54

In December I made the decision not a decision I made lightly to put my mom into a nursing home and as you're listening to me you can hear I have an accent. Yes, I'm Jamaican and that kind of stuff is very taboo, it's frowned upon. So even as my mom was declining in health, I was holding on to my mom. I was holding on to what my culture dictated. My culture was telling me you have to take care of my mom. My gut was also telling me that I have to take care of my mom because, you know, socialization comes so innate, right? I was socialized to think that I had to. The best way to take care of your mom is in your own presence and I felt that way. I still feel that way, right, I believe that in my gut and my heart, all heartedly so.

Speaker 2: 17:58

Watching as my mom was declining, I was refusing to let my mother go, even when I knew that my mom needed, she needed to be in a nursing home where she can get the help that she needed. So in December, my brother and I and our spouses decided that, okay, it's time we have to let mommy go, we have to put mom in a nursing home and just do the best that we can with what we have. That's not an easy decision for me. That wasn't an easy decision for me because here's why there's one Lorna. She's the mother to all, but she's my mother, she's Nikoi's mother, she's Altricia's mother and she's going to run mother to all of our kids. And she gave it all up for us. I'm not going to lie, she did. She gave up her own future. It started with me. It started with me. She gave up everything so that I could have everything and we talk about like these are sacrifices that parents make for their children, but she sacrificed it all. She sacrificed it all for me to be here.

Speaker 2: 19:34

But now I am battling with the decision of putting my mom into a nursing home, even while I know that my mom needed 24-hour nurses to watch her. You know, when I knew that mommy needed a nurse to be able to administer her medication on time, her medication on schedule, and even to a point where she doesn't even know my name, and that we had to sweat bullets knowing when our mom is getting on a plane, we knew that it was time. But that time and that decision didn't come easy for me. It was my brother who made that ultimate decision. He was like I am not sending her back to you because you're holding on to something of the past. We have to provide for her what is best going forward, and you cannot afford to let what others may think of you but others may think of you determining, determine the outcome of this thing.

Speaker 2: 20:55

And I receive that and I slowly, slowly, slowly let go of the idea of trying to survey my mom 24 hours and I'm going to have to put her into a place where she can be taken care of efficiently. That's not easy. I've been eating my way through that decision. I've been baking my way through that. I've been baking my way through that and it's tough because I still haven't gotten to that place where I'm saying that. So I have resigned to the fact that that there are only some things that you can control. There's so much that you can control.

Speaker 2: 22:05

But I'm saying to my listeners make sure that you do not live your life with regrets. Live out loud. Champion the causes that you want to champion. See the world. Go see the world. Take your parent to see the world. Don't listen to them. My brother and I really listened to mom when she said, no, send me the money, don't listen. Don't listen to her Because we didn't get to truly give her the life that she really, really, really wanted. And I am baking through that regret, to be honest, and I know it's all material, you know, because we took care of her in the ways that she should. But it's the added bonus, the things, the addition, the things, the trips, the this. You know the things that could help her explain her worldview.

Speaker 2: 23:16

My mom is 68, but crying out loud, my mom should not be like at the end stage of anything. There's so much life left, so much. You know I'm grieving the hardships that she's experienced. I'm grieving the hard life that she's experienced. You know my mom. When I told my mom that her sister Cynthia's husband, anthony, molested me when I was young, she took it very, very hard. When I told my mom that her sister's husband molested me, she took that very hard. She took it hard because this was her closest sister. But then her closest sister, her child, didn't believe. Her child told her child that she wanted it. That killed my mom.

Speaker 2: 24:35

My mom is suffering some of that trauma right now and I'm burdened with the fact that I may have waited too long to tell my truth and I may have waited too long to simply tell my truth because maybe the truth made my mom sick. I don't know. Like I just I'm asking myself a myriad of questions. But as I've decided I'm going to tell my mom that, as I've decided to stand in my truth and I've decided to ensure that my mother has the best, the best care, the best care that money can offer, I'm still grieving, I'm still in pain, but I bake. I bake and I feel healing. I bake and I feel calm. I bake and I feel a stillness because as I'm, when I'm in those moments and I'm feeling that stillness, I'm thinking, yes, mom saw us become a success.

Speaker 2: 25:58

Mom enjoyed some of that success. Mom enjoys being, you know, hanging out and playing and seeing her, her grandkids, thrive, you know. I say yes, those are the things that Makes my mom happy and she got to experience all of that. My mom, she never asked for trips. Trips are what we wanted to give her and we, we beg through the regress of not being able to, you know, to see the world as much as We've dreamt about, my brother and I, that we know we dream about with our mom. So I think those are losses for us. I'm not necessarily a loss for her, if you get what I'm saying, but Because my mom was such a hard worker, I Am now perfect. You know I, because she was such a hard worker, I'm now few willed Like you, willed to champion the needs of girls and keep pushing through my purpose of the cake therapy podcast. Believe me like I feel like this has put fire under my feet, where I am envisioning 2024 to be such a great year for my foundation.

Speaker 2: 27:32

I bake with a purpose. I beg for a reason. My gift was for a reason. This talent was for a reason because, simply because it came at a time when I was already me and I say I was already me simply because, even though cake changed my life and propelled me into a space when I can now speak my truth, tell my story, impact girls changed lives. I had already found my space, I Was existing successfully in that space, but, you know, god calls you to do things when you least expect it. Because, for me, I Believed I was truly walking in my purpose, but then God said no, no, no, I have another purpose for you. You fatherless girl, you, girl, broken girl, this girl from a broken home, you, this broken girl from a single parent household. I have another purpose for you that your story is going to change like Is an in conjunction with this gift of baking that I've given you, and I've truly believed. I've truly believed that I'm walking in God's purpose To be able to propel this foundation to the heights Heights that he's ordained it to be. So, right now, cake therapy is working on a new website. We are working on a new website. We have big things, like really big things, in store for for our foundation. The podcast is. We're using that as one of our short-term goals to increase the knowledge just increase knowledge of Alternative art forms that people are using as therapy, and how amazing it's been.

Speaker 2: 29:37

I Am, I'm grateful. I I'm grateful for the lessons that my mother taught me. I'm grateful for everything that she's instilled in me. I Am grateful for we're having her as a mother. I'm full Because she made me know and she made me, she reminded me every day that I was enough. My cop is full and now it's running over into the work that I'm doing. I'm excited about this new journey.

Speaker 2: 30:33

I Am, I'm saddened. As I'm making these moves, my mom isn't beside me and as I share the successes that I'm now Experiences, she can no longer feel that much. I'm grateful for you, the community, by allowing me to share and talk about, like the things that that I'm, I'm literally baking to them. My art is my therapy. I'm gonna give a shout out to Marina Machado Thona, from Lima cakes, lianas, cake pops. Amira el me, from balloon engineer, who's been Checking in. You know Who've been helpful in propelling me, supporting me, having my back. I want to pick up my campion college friends. You guys know yourselves Carla, nikki, janine it's a Kiwi, you know I'm me girl for like having their backs against mine through this journey. I'm grateful. The cake is saving me, the cake is healing me, the cake is supporting me.

Speaker 2: 32:23

And once you found that thing, once you found that passion, once you found that gift, once you found that talent, anything, once you found that one thing that soothes your soul, I would say give it, give it your all, give it 100%, and then, once you've perfected it, you give it back. Once you've perfected it, give it back, share it with the world. Believe me, like, your gift is your gift, but your gift is to be shared. Give it, it's a gift. You've gotten it, give some of it away, and that's what I'm doing.

Speaker 2: 33:09

I want to thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. Thank you for participating and for walking in this purposeful journey with me. Thank you for Can we talk about the people who have been supporting the Cake Therapy podcast?

Speaker 2: 33:27

Can we talk about the people who have been supporting the Cake Therapy Foundation? Wow, thank you for the small dollars in the mail. You know you guys are mailing me so small. I'm telling you guys, this is a movement. I want to thank you again. Thank you. Thank you for supporting this purpose, work, this journey of mine.

Speaker 2: 33:57

Bake with me, bake with me. So from time to time I am going to jump in here and, you know, be authentic, share the things I'm going through, and then we're going to bake through it together. I'm hopeful. I'm hoping that as I'm navigating the battles you know the trials that life throws at me I'm able to continue to use Cake to combat them. Right now, cake is so, thank you.

Speaker 2: 34:56

If you want to share, you know or support the Cake Therapy Foundation, please do so. $20, $35 can really change the trajectory of one girl's life, because all it did for me. It took me one Cake class. It took me one sitting with cakes and cookies to become me, to become healed by it. So we are at the wwwcake-therapyorg. Support us there, or you could buy us a copy. Buy me a coffee, buy me a coffee. Buy me a coffee. This goes towards, you know, the girl. You buy me a coffee. It goes towards the girl. You can support me by purchasing my book Cake Therapy how Baking Changed my Life. You'll meet Lorna there, you'll meet me in my darkest hours there, and then you will understand the relationship between me and food, the relationship I have with my mom and food and cakes, and then continue to listen to us.

Speaker 2: 36:18

Subscribe to the podcast, subscribe, subscribe. Subscribe to the Cake Therapy podcast. Share, interact, comment, leave messages. We love those, thank you. Thank you for listening.

Speaker 2: 36:39

So what's next for this space? Tonight we'll be hosting a bakeathon. It's a webinar of sorts. We're talking about what you're baking through. Also, I want to tell you about the exciting guests that are coming up. Also, I want to tell you about the exciting guests that are, you know, are, in the future of this podcast. We do have some stalwarts in the cake and the therapy you will take industry, cake therapy, baking therapy, culinary arts therapy, therapy, bibliotherapy, right, literature.

Speaker 2: 37:29

Here, guys, we want to connect. We are connecting with some of the leaders in those spaces. So watch this space and we'll we'll be doing this thing. Let's go on this journey together. Let's let's continue to walk together. Thank you so much. This has been a source of joy and healing for me. It's my slice of joy and healing. Every day, every day, I sit in this chair and I speak to artists all over the globe about their healing journey. It would remiss of me, it would be remiss of me to sit here and pretend that it's all gravy because it's not. Thank you so much for listening and for joining me today on the cake therapy podcast. I am your host, dr Altrisha Foster, and I'm out. Thank you, guys, so much.

Speaker 1: 39:08

I invite you to support cake therapy and the work we do with our foundation by clicking on the buy me a coffee link in the description or by visiting the cake therapy website and making a donation. All your support will go towards the cake therapy foundation and the work we are doing to help women and girls. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you on the next episode.