What I'm Baking Through: Navigating Personal Challenges With Purpose and Gratitude

Has caregiving ever taught you lessons in resilience and gratitude? Join me on this heartfelt episode of the Cake Therapy Podcast as I share significant life updates and the emotional journey of coping with my mother's illness. From poignant Mother's Day moments spent with my mom in Jamaica to the incredible support of my children, this episode is a tribute to family love and the delicate balance of caring for a loved one while managing personal and professional responsibilities. Special shout-out to my amazing production team, especially Stephanie, for making this episode possible.

Spend a day with me as I recount intimate conversations and spontaneous moments shared with my mom, culminating in the profound impact of her recognizing me as her daughter. As a business owner and caregiver, I reflect on the lessons learned from my resilient single-parent mother and the therapeutic role baking plays in navigating life's challenges. With deep gratitude for your support, I also share my excitement about the upcoming season of the Cake Therapy Podcast and the growth of the Cake Therapy Foundation. This episode is a testament to the power of connection, purpose, and the bittersweet nature of caregiving.

Remember to subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Share the episodes and let's chat in the comments.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Cake Therapy Podcast, a slice of joy and healing with your host, Dr Altricia Foster.

Speaker 2: 0:20

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Cake Therapy Podcast, your slice of joy and healing. And this is or what are you baking through episode. I'm going to give life updates, talk to you a little bit about what's been happening and what are some of the things that I'm currently baking through. Thank you to everyone who tuned into that first episode and joined. Ella and I live on our Instagram page. People listened, people commented, people shared their thoughts. We got several feedbacks and such, and that was greatly appreciated. Interestingly and that was greatly appreciated. Interestingly our listenership has significantly gone up and I'm really appreciative of that. I'm really grateful to all the guests who join us and tell it about our subscribers. And, oh my God, cake Therapy, the podcast would not exist without our production team, haven't they done like done an awesome job today? I am really grateful, especially to Stephanie, who makes all the calls, she does all the emails and I'm really appreciative of her and I'm going to have Stephanie on here one day to talk about how we met and how we connected and how she's been my right-hand girl since day one, since I thought about this podcast. She's been my go-to girl. Most importantly also, I want to thank my family, my kids, my husband, my in-laws, everyone who supported me through this. They've helped increase my listenership because they've been tuning in and tapping into the things that I have to say. They understand that these things are deeply rooted and they're personal to me and I really appreciate them.

Speaker 2: 2:21

Like I mentioned that we've had increased listenership. But why aren't you guys subscribing? Guys, please subscribe to our podcast. Stephanie has been actively working with the team to get shorts on YouTube to increase our social media presence. I believe we now have a TikTok page. I'm inviting all of you who have a TikTok to follow the Cake Therapy Podcast like. Subscribe, believe me, just tap into it and just help to make this even better than season one was. So what am I baking through? It's been almost six months, five months or six months since we've talked a little bit and from that podcast I believe I have gotten like so many virtual hugs and I'm really appreciative of that man.

Speaker 2: 3:28

I poured my feelings. I had big feelings in that episode because of what my mom is currently going through, but I had such huge feelings about that because, you know, she's my only parent, she's my mama. You know she's all I've got and I've really grown to depend on my mom and watching her decline is tough, but I am working. I'm actually working through it, working, I'm actually working through it. I pause here simply because I want to give life updates, but each time I go to begin the presentation around you know how my mom's doing I stutter because in some ways I still cannot believe how sick my mom is.

Speaker 2: 4:31

Guys, you know, I still cannot accept the fact that my champion is now struggling. She has to now champion her health, you know, and to just have the best. You know, some days are really hard for my mom, but she is definitely, you know, a lion, lioness. She's working through this with everything that she has left, and there are sparkles and there are moments, and I remember, in our first conversation, I told you that I am just hoping. I'm hoping for 30 seconds. It's just 30 seconds, believe me, I was only asking for 30 seconds of a memory that my mother remembers me and had a coherent conversation with me, and it's fleeting. You hear what I'm going to say. It's few and far between, it's rare, it is rare. So let me tell you a story.

Speaker 2: 5:55

On Mother's Day, that's my mommy, right, but I'm a mother to two beautiful children too. But on Mother's Day. I had to share my kids and I barely saw them on Mother's Day, but I'm raising such awesome children that when I told them my guys, mom is not going to be here for Mother's Day just because I need to be able to spend Mother's Day with my own mother, and they understood my children, understood that need in that moment that their mom wanted her mom. And I remember when I was telling my son that I said, kende, mommy's not going to be here for Mother's Day because I just simply want to go see my own mom. And he said I understand, mommy, like I always have you, you're the best mother ever. And I was so proud of myself. I was proud of Eladina, as a matter of fact, because we're raising these humans right who have such huge amount of empathy and could easily recognize what their mother needed in the moment and told me it was okay.

Speaker 2: 7:09

So Mother's Day I got on a plane and I went to Jamaica, got off the plane I think around 1.30 PM and I rushed to the nursing home to go see my mommy. When I got there, rushed to the nursing home to go see my mommy. When I got there, my mom just looked up and I was like hi, mommy, I'm here. I came to see you. They were straight from the airport and she's like the airport, what's happening at the airport? And I said I told her that I just came from Minnesota, from the airport, to come and see her. And in that moment she said how are the kids? And I was like okay, lord, this is the moment. And I said the kids are doing okay. But then she just went back into her zone, she went back into her space and I was there.

Speaker 2: 8:05

I was up since 6 am. I was tired because you know, when you're traveling internationally, you have to be at the airport like maybe two hours, three hours before, and I was really exhausted and Jamaica hot Jamaica, the temperature at home is really detrimental right now. It's really really hot. So I was miserable, but I still needed to go. I needed to go see my own mother on Mother's Day and I saw mommy, but I don't know if mommy saw me.

Speaker 2: 8:39

I didn't know in that moment that mommy saw me and I sat there in silence and I'm, like you know, occasionally talking to her, but it's almost like she's in a space where, like if you talk too much, she gets frustrated and I don't want her to get really out of character, you know, and start telling me to leave or something, because I wanted to be. I wanted to be there. So I sat there for a good 30 minutes without mommy saying anything back to me and I was so dejected that I stood up and I said to the nurse in the home at the time I said you know what I'm going to go, I'm going to leave, I'm going to go. To the nurse in the home at the time I said you know what I'm going to go, I'm going to leave, I'm going to go and come back because my mom likes ice cream. She likes a certain ice cream, okay, and I was going to go over to Devon House and get mom some ice cream and I'm going to come back.

Speaker 2: 9:40

But my heart was breaking because in that moment I could only just get mom ice cream. I don't even know if mom was going to eat and appreciate the ice cream, but I was still determined to do something special for my mommy. And as I got up, my shoulders slumped, my eyes started to water. My eyes started to water and I said to my mom I said, mommy, I'm going to go and get a shower and I'm going to come back. But I'm here because I want to let you know that you've been an awesome mom to Nikoi and I. You've been like the best mother ever and I told her in that moment that like I was grateful, like I said, mommy, I thank you, thank you for everything that you did for me. Right In that moment I was, I just couldn't do anything else, but I just wanted to say thank you.

Speaker 2: 10:43

But what people don't know about me is like I'm if you haven't read my book, that is is that I'm super guarded. I am one guarded individual and like touching, hugs and that kind of stuff. No, I learned to hug since I've had kids. I I've learned to hug because I have to hug my kids Like they're so squishy. You know, I love hugging and smelling on my kids. My children are the best huggers and they love to give hugs and I have learned to hug because of them. But I didn't hug my mom a lot. I mean, we weren't huggers or anything, but when mom was beginning to lose her mind and we just couldn't grasp that fact, mom wanted to hug a lot but we couldn't. Personally, for me, I'm not sure about hugs right now. You know what? I'm still got it.

Speaker 2: 11:44

But, man, mother's Day, I was like yearning. I was begging my mom for a hug and I just couldn't get it. But I hugged her anyway as I was walking away and, um, my voice, I believe, cracked when I told her that I was gonna see her later, cracked when I told her that I was going to see her later. And as I was walking away, she called me back. She's like come, come, come back. I was like, what she's like? Come here. And I turned around and went back towards her and she said she's like why are you so sad? And I was like, oh my God, my mom is still inside this woman, right? She recognized my pain in that moment that her child was hurting. And I remember my mom just lifting two of her fingers and she rubbed them on the top of my left hand, you know, like on the back of my hand here. Oh yeah, I'm saying it like you can see, but those were on YouTube. So you can see Like she just used her hand and just gently rubbed the back of my hand. So you can see like she just used her hand and just gently rubbed the back of my hand and the tears just came rolling down my face and I just I just turned away because I couldn't like, because I recognized that my mom recognized that I was hurting, like she pushed through whatever it is that she was actually going through to let me know that she recognized that I was hurting and she really tried to comfort me as best as she could. So I left and I went home and I just bawled my eyes out. I called my kids and you know that was mother's day for me.

Speaker 2: 13:42

The following day, being the good daughter that I am, I got up at 9 am. I was out of the house by 9 am. I went to see my mom, went in and I saw my mom and I was chatting it up with her. I believe I went and I got her some of her favorite breakfast stuff. You know what I mean Just trying to be a good daughter and all. Try my luck today. I'm going to try my luck today to see if I was going to get that 30 minutes, those 30 minutes that I've dreamt of and I've dreamt about. I just need I mean not 30 minutes, guys, 30 seconds. I just need 30 seconds of realization.

Speaker 2: 14:26

And yesterday, sunday, my mom touched me because she recognized that I was pearling. So I went and I saw her sat down, I think. I brought her fruits and you know she likes mangoes. She likes all sorts of stuff. I brought her juices, and you know she likes mangoes, she likes all sorts of stuff. I brought her juices and, um, I sat with her for maybe like two hours. Take her outside, we sit down under the tree, um, and we were just talking.

Speaker 2: 14:58

Mama was talking gibberish at the time, but still, I'm just. I'm just there having a conversation. Any direction mommy was going into, I was following her. That's what you have to do now. You just have to follow mommy wherever she goes. If she talks about this one, you better go start talking about this one.

Speaker 2: 15:16

So I followed her into that conversation conversation and I was getting ready to go around the level that I was getting ready to go get my nails done. So I said to her I'm like, mommy, you know I'm going to get my nails done, but I'm going to come back and see you before the day's out. Of course. I'd like to go back and see my mom. So as I was leaving, she said to me she's like are you going to get me a KFC and ice cream. I was like what? Yeah, she said she wanted KFC and ice cream. So you know what I did? I canceled that appointment. I called my nail tech and I said I said I won't be able to come at 11 o'clock because I have to go and take care of something for my mom. She understood. So she just pushed it back a little because I was going to get my mom whatever she asked me for. In that moment I was so happy.

Speaker 2: 16:15

Went came back and I said she said you're going to go now, yes, she said you're going to go now, after this. I said you're going to go now, yes, she said you're going to go now, after this. I said yes, mommy, that means she remembered that. I told her that I was going to go to my nails and she said you're going to go pretty up. You know, in Jamaican terms, that means my mom is just simply saying, yes, you're going to go and take care of yourself and, you know, pamper yourself a little. And I told her I said yes, because at the nursing home, where they have a spa day, so my mom typically gets her hair and her nails done, like on Fridays. So I was telling her that, yeah, I'm going to get my hair and nails done. I'm going to try. I'm pretty up, like you say. And as I was leaving, I was going around the car.

Speaker 2: 17:04

Now I heard her say to the nurse who was closest to her that that's my daughter. She didn't just say that's my daughter, she said that's my only daughter. She said that's my only daughter. She said that's my only daughter. And it was in that moment Like you talk about sparks and everything and everything it was in between those moments that I had with my mom between Sunday and Monday, that my heart, you know, my heart, found some form of ease and that kind of that helped me. And for that I am, I'm really grateful. And I remember the. I was only there for a few days because of course, I'm running a business, I'm running businesses right, and I'm raising children, I'm married, I can't stay too long. So I said to her I'm like mommy I'm.

Speaker 2: 18:26

The day I was leaving I went to see her that morning. I was like mom I'm, I'm leaving now, but of course you know I'm going to come back soon. I'm going to return to see you soon and and and she told me she's like I know you always come, you always come. She told her that she knows that I'm always coming, so she never doubted. She told me that she knew and that is how I know that it was in that moment that I realized that the decision that my brother and I took in December was the right one. It was the right one. She's in a place where she has a routine, but then she knows that she's not forgotten, because we never make her feel that way.

Speaker 2: 19:21

But, yeah, I'm getting emotional when I talk to my mom and when I think about my mom. You know, those are the things that I actually bake through. I'm still baking. I'm baking a lot more. Um, it's not showing so much on me because I ain't eating it, I'm joking, but um, I'm, I continue to bake through. You know the struggles that I'm have, I'm having with not having my mommy around. Guys, like, no matter how old you get, you still have that sense of longing for your parent. I want my mom Like. Every day I tell my husband I'm like, and my brother, of course. You know I'm going to go for my mom, but I know, I know that my mom is in like, like the best place for her right now and navigating the curve ball. You know that has come with my mom being in an elderly care space and running my business, being a mom trying to lead this foundation in the best way.

Speaker 2: 20:28

It takes a lot from you, it requires a lot, but I believe I am walking in my purpose. These individual blessings that I've received, I have not taken them for granted and I'm taking them on head on. You know, as cliche as that might sound, I am taking it on head on and I'm going into everything that I do with purpose and even how I'm interacting and I'm choosing, how I'm choosing to live. You know, to do this work is purposeful. You know it's purposeful, but I have to plan. It's planned, it's purposeful, it's intentional, but it requires planning.

Speaker 2: 21:16

I can't. Just my husband is a physician and he works very hard. Just my husband is a physician and he works very hard. I can't just get up and go to Jamaica on a whim because he has this job. That's very demanding. But then we have two children, you know, 10 and under, that need their parents to be able to become great human beings. You know we're already sowing into that right and we're seeing fruits of that labor, but they need to be nurtured as much as possible.

Speaker 2: 21:53

You know, when my mother got sick and I realized that now I'm going to have to travel home a little bit more often, there's a lot more that's going to have to travel home a little bit more often. There's a lot more that's going to require of me as a daughter and a mother and as a wife, I really had to pause because there's a certain level of stress that comes from wearing all these hats and wanting to do them to the best of your own ability and to give full capacity to them. Give them each of them. You want to give your all to each thing. That's in front of you and I've tried. That's in front of you and I've tried. I have tried and I am not. I'm not winning at all of them and I'm here to tell you you don't have to win at all of them. You just have to give each and everything your best shot. You know, give it your best shot, take a chance on yourself and believe. Believe that you can.

Speaker 2: 23:06

You know, my thing is, my mother has taught me so many lessons and I'm leaning in and I'm using those lessons and those tools to guide me. You know, like my mother, being a hardworking single parent. Believe me, it was not just by happenstance, it wasn't. That was, I would say, the blessing that my mother received because she was able to teach and guide my brother and I on how to navigate situations. Believe me, that's my takeaway.

Speaker 2: 23:41

I used to be so angry about like, oh my God, my mother has been through so much and she has. She has experienced too much for one individual. She really has and she really did, but man did she. She was called for this, you know, and I believe that my mommy was not only called for this. She was chosen to be my mom. She was chosen to be my mother because I would have been chosen for a lot of things. I believe that the things that I'm doing now I was chosen to do. I believe so. I was chosen for this. You know I'm walking in my purpose. So, yes, I believe so. I was chosen for this. You know I'm walking in my purpose, so, yes, I believe it. So thank you again for all the warm pussy hugs that you've sent my way. I continue to bake through the trials that come with watching my mother decline and I continue to bake with men, the weight that I carry on my shoulder right my shoulders. I'm not just, it's not just on one shoulder the way that I carry on right now, on both my shoulders, to be able to navigate this life and wear these many hats that I'm currently wearing, I rely on you. I'm better because of you. I rely on you, I'm better because of you and I greatly appreciate everything that you've done and the messages that you've sent.

Speaker 2: 25:12

So we're recording our season three right now, but we're getting ready to kickstart our season two of the Cake Therapy Podcast. We kind of talk about the Cake Therapy Podcast, you know, talking about the Cake Therapy Foundation. This foundation means so much, it's grown so much and we're getting ready to register an arm of the foundation in my home country in Jamaica. But not only that Keg Therapy continues to do the work. We are going to be in schools this fall. Yes, not just one school, we're going to be in several classrooms this fall teaching women, girls of lower socioeconomic status, the art of cake therapy. We are going to teach people cake therapy and introduce our curriculum to them. So we're we're pumped and we're really excited. So if you supported the Cake Therapy Foundation, please thank you. I know we were grateful to all the donors. We are grateful to all the artists who really committed themselves to donating their time. I'm indebted, the board's indebted, and we are really truly, truly grateful.

Speaker 2: 26:49

So, like I mentioned previously, season two is on its way. I'm really excited. Our listenership is really what drives us and keeps us going. Let's talk about season two. A few notables we're going to have Ivy and Stone, jasmine Ray, yes. Okay, so we are going to have Val from the Depressed Cake Shop. She is running this nonprofit out of LA, but you learn that Val is a producer. She's produced several movies but she's found solace in cake and baking and we are excited we have some Cake UK and VK will be on here talking to us about his background, from architecture to cakes, and I'm just excited for you to hear from these 12 or 13 guests that we have in season two of the Cake Therapy podcast.

Speaker 2: 28:01

What we thrive on here on the podcast is to make sure that we have well balanced individuals like our guests. You know we're not just bringing introducing you to are the most popular and cake artists in the world. We want you to learn from just home bakers, other home bakers who sought cake and culinary arts as a refuge, and I look forward to bringing those gifts to you. I want to also encourage you to keep supporting us. It means a lot and we would be nothing without you, right? We would definitely be nothing without you, so we are grateful for that. So thank you all for the support.

Speaker 2: 28:55

I want you to remind you guys that I still have a book. I still have a book. It's called Cake Therapy. Um, it's called cake therapy how baking changed my life. It's available on Amazon. It's available also at Barnes and Noble. And then I have a guided journal. It's called a slice of joy and healing. Um, that's also available on Amazon for you all. It's a guided journal and I would say it's the my book. Cake Therapy and Baking Changed my Life. It's an extension of that. Yeah, it's an extension of that book, so that's also available. So please buy my book, buy my guided journal and also buy me a coffee. How about you buy me a journal and also buy me a coffee? How about you buy me a coffee when you buy me a coffee?

Speaker 2: 29:48

All of that goes to our foundation to help the girls, and if you haven't yet subscribed to our podcast, we have a YouTube channel. If you don't like to listen, you can watch right, so you can watch us on our YouTube channel at the Cake Therapy Podcast and leave a message for us. You know, leave a message, talk to us. We can't wait to get back to you. We can't wait to share all these upcoming stories with you and then join us on our live following this podcast airing. So thank you so much Again.

Speaker 2: 30:36

I love being here. I love being here. I love this space that I currently live in. I love that I get to share my experiences and what I'm baking through with you, and in the next couple of weeks we'll have some artists joining us on our what Are you Baking Through segments on the podcast. So, again, thank you for joining us. This has been my slice of joy and healing and I hope that you've gotten eats from this. Your palates have been touched by these conversations and my life updates. So thank you again and I look forward to hearing from you as we release our season two episodes and we're getting ready. Season three is about to be as fun and exciting. So thank you again for joining us. I'm your host, dr Altrecha Foster, and I'm literally signing out, but not for long.

Speaker 1: 31:46

Thank you. Thank you for tuning in to the Cake Therapy Podcast. Your support means the world to us. Let us know what you thought about today's episode in the comment section. Remember to subscribe wherever you get your podcast and if you found the conversation helpful, please share it with a friend. Also, follow sugar spoon desserts on all social media platforms. We invite you to support cake therapy and the work we do with our foundation by clicking on the buy me a coffee link in the description or by visiting the cake therapy website and making a donation. All your support will go towards the cake therapy foundation and the work we are doing to help women and girls. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you on the next episode.