Welcome to the Get Yourself Together Chica podcast, the show that helps you thrive, or, you know, sometimes just survive. I'm Rebecca Fernandez. In each episode, we dive deep into something that has an impact on our lives as women, whether that's money or love, motherhood or friendship, our careers, or just making space for joy.
This is episode number 10, and today I will be giving you an update on the 23 things I wanted to do in the year 2023, or my 23 in 23 list for short. I was introduced to this list concept via Gretchen Rubin's podcast, and I've always enjoyed hearing what's on other people's lists. Now that we're wrapping up the year, it seemed like as good a time as any to share how I did with my list, and to start thinking about what I want to include on my 24 in 24 list.
If you have questions or stories that you want to share, go ahead and send them to podcast at getyourselftogetherchica. com. And you can visit the show notes to see my full 23 in 23 list at getyourselftogetherchica.com/podcast. But first, I want to share what's bringing me joy right now. Recently, I attended a soundbath, and if you've never been to one of these, it's a pretty cool, totally immersive and relaxing, almost transcendent experience.
But what gave me joy was there was a woman sitting to the left of me, and she asked LA, the woman who ran the soundbath, what do you do when you're going through it? I just loved that expression, when you're going through it, because I understood instantly exactly what she meant and what a good way of expressing difficult times. When you're going through it.
There really are a lot of incredibly lyrical ways of describing life that come out of southern black vernacular English, and I think there's a tendency to kind of co-opt these phrases because they're powerful and they're interesting. But I really have thought about that phrase when you're going through it so many times since the sound bath and it brought me joy That somebody came up with such an incredible way to describe that feeling when life is heavy and everything is hard. So friends if you are going through it as they say I just want to encourage you to take the advice that LA gave during the soundbath, which is make time for yourself. Give yourself permission to feel the way you're feeling. Solid advice.
All right. So number one on my 23 in 23 list was submit completed novel to agent. Well, I did make a lot of progress on the novel that I've been working on. But it is not yet complete and agent ready. So I think I mentioned in a recent episode that I did come across a good book that's been helping me with the editing process, but here's one I'm going to be carrying over into my 24 in 24 list.
Number two was also a bust. It was to take a couples dance class series. I started out the year doing pretty well. I looked into this, found a couple of options, and I don't know what happened. It just fell apart. But someday we are going to be that couple who can tear up the dance floor. I know it's going to happen.
Maybe 2024 will be the year. With number three, we start getting on track here. Number three was use Duolingo for Spanish ahead of our Costa Rica trips in January and July and for Greek ahead of our trip to Greece over spring break. And I nailed that one. We showed up in Costa Rica and I felt pretty fluent in Spanish, which I already obviously speak somewhat, but it's rather rusty.
And when we went to Greece, I was able to at least look at the menus and have a conversation or two. Although I did discover that almost no one in Greece actually wants to speak Greek with me. They'd rather speak English. So it did, however, get us out of a pinch at one restaurant that was kind of way out away from the city.
Where otherwise we would not have been able to understand each other or figure out what we were ordering. So, I'm going to call that one a win. Number four was take an international summer vacation with the kids. I'm going to call that one a win. We got three out of four kids to Costa Rica and we had an incredible time.
Just ziplining, whitewater rafting, seeing all the wildlife. It was really memorable and I'm really glad we were able to give them that experience. Number five was explore and establish a consulting practice. For And that one I did and had a pretty good year. So I was really pleased with how that one turned out more to come in 2024.
I believe number six was launch a development program, kind of a pilot. For let's say a particular role that is gaining traction in many companies. I don't want to tip my hand too far there cause I didn't actually get it launched, but I am on track to get something rolling early next year. So really excited about that.
And I got some of the preliminary groundwork done more to come and excited to have that to look forward to. Number seven was visit every state and national park in North Carolina with my best friend. Okay, that one proved to be very ambitious, and within a month or two I think we realized this is not going to happen.
But we did go to quite a few, and we've been hiking almost every weekend at one of the state parks nearby, so I think in spirit at least we accomplished part of that. Number eight was take an art class with my partner. I'm kind of blanking on this one. I don't think that we did this, but maybe we did, and I've just forgotten.
Anyway, on to number nine, which was clear out my closet. I did that, and that was a good exercise. There wasn't too much in there to get rid of, but there were a couple things that were just kind of taking up space. And I always find when I make the effort to clear out my closet, I can make sense of why I've been struggling to get dressed for certain events or activities.
It's because there's actually something wrong with each and every item that I have for those activities. So I just open the door and stare, but can't figure out what to wear. Clearing out the closet then solves that problem and gives me permission to buy a few functional items. Which brings me to number 10.
Buy blank t shirts from Bella Canvas for my wardrobe. I love the t shirts that Bella Canvas makes. There are some specific ones I like. They're v neck, they're a poly blend, um, a specific cut that's relaxed cut. And I've found these t shirts, they're often event shirts and swag. But I didn't realize until this year that I could actually purchase whatever colors I wanted.
I could buy them blank from the company directly. So, um, I knew that for a while. Took me a while, I was dragging my feet. But I finally did it and now I'm like, oh my gosh. What was I waiting for? This is perfect. These are exactly the colors I want, the fit that I want, and I think I'm probably going to place an order probably every 18 months from here out, just because, you know, anything that has cotton in it doesn't hold up super well.
All right, so list item 11 was make two more screen prints. There's a backstory on this one. Last year, right around this time of year, my best friend and I took a screen printing class that was available through our local City Parks and Recreation Department. We had a great time with it and we made all kinds of t shirts and posters and all sorts of things to give to people for the holidays.
And we bought the equipment to do it, so we said, oh, we should definitely make sure that we use this equipment again. So I put this goal on there, and then... I, wait, wait, I did make one at her house. So maybe I get half credit for this one. But, I don't know, I think the appeal of this activity maybe just kind of wore off for me.
Number 12 was buy a blue jean jacket. And I guess technically I accomplished this. I spotted one that wasn't quite bright. It was a little bit too cropped and too short. But it fit really well and it looked good. So I, when I spotted it at the thrift shop, I was like, Oh, perfect. I can check that one off my list.
But because it's not quite the right length, I really haven't worn it. So, I guess we'll call this one partial, um, I should probably just goodwill that one and send it right back to where it came from, and keep an eye out for one that fits better. We are halfway through my list, so I want to take a quick moment and tell you what I've been reading lately.
I came across a book called How to Know a Person, The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks. And it's kind of interesting how I came across it. I saw it pop up as something that a few friends on LinkedIn were recommending. And I thought, Hmm, that sounds like a good book. And I put it on my library list, um, hoping to get it, you know, whenever the library bought it, get my hands on a copy.
And then, in my Get Yourself Together Chica program, one of the women said, Oh, that book, Rebecca, that you recommended, How to Know a Person. I've been reading it, and it's been so good. And I was very confused, because I was like, Did I recommend that? I haven't even read it, but I thought I wanted to. And, you know, I was like, Maybe this is some kind of serendipity.
So this past weekend, I was up in the mountains with two friends, and we stopped at a bookstore in Asheville that we love, Malaprops. And I thought, you know what, I'm going to buy myself a book. I very rarely do, but I feel like this one is calling my name. And one thing that has stood out in this book, which is a really fantastic book, was this quote from Leo Tolstoy.
He said, One of the commonest and most generally accepted delusions is that every man can be qualified in some particular way. said to be kind, wicked, stupid, energetic, apathetic, and so on. People are not like that. We may say of a man that he is more often kind than cruel, more often wise than stupid, more often energetic than apathetic, or vice versa.
But it could never be true to say of one man that he is kind or wise, and of another that he is wicked or stupid. Yet we are always classifying mankind in this way. And it is wrong. Human beings are like rivers. The water is one and the same in all of them, but every river is narrow in some places, flows swifter in others.
Here it is broad, there still, or clear, or cold, or muddy, or warm. It is the same with men. Every man bears within him the germs of every human quality, and now manifests one, now another, and frequently is quite unlike himself. While still remaining the same man. I was just so struck by the profound truth of that and it hit me at a moment when I was seeing someone as all bad and seeing myself as all good.
So it was a really good reminder that there is good and there is bad in everyone. Alright, back to the list. Number 13 was get my son's learner's permit and driver's license. So I get about half credit on this one. We just finally got the learner's permit a few days ago. And the state of North Carolina makes this whole process extremely difficult if you're under 18.
I won't bore you with the details, but getting into a driver's ed program, getting through it. Um, getting all of the steps done, it's just onerous and difficult. So he can't get his license for a little while longer. In fact, he'll probably turn 18 before he can get it. Um, but at least we got the permit and he is now on the road.
So I'm going to call that a huge win. It was a heavy lift. Number 14 was write my will. I had a will a long time ago, but it was outdated, you know, when I got divorced it needed to be redone, and I just didn't get around to it. In the meantime, my financial situation got much more complex, and what I learned was I didn't actually need a will anymore, what I needed was to establish a trust.
I was really surprised at how expensive this whole process was just to stay out of probate and not have anybody who's inheriting from you lose a lot of time and money. Seems kind of ridiculous, but I did get it done. I was also really surprised at how emotionally difficult it was. Going through the, you know, the process of figuring out what do you want to happen for your children if you die prematurely?
What do you want to happen to essentially your life's work as it can be measured in money and possessions? I wasn't expecting that to be so hard and emotional. Um, so I'm glad I got it done. It took me most of the year, um, to get it started and then get it across the finish line. But as of the time that you are hearing this, it should all be executed and done.
And hopefully I get to live a long time and it's all outdated, um, by the time I die and I've had to do it over and over again. That would be best case scenario. I think number 15 was also an administrative task and it was move my health savings account from an old employer that was charging me lots of fees to a less expensive alternative.
And so I did get it moved over to lively, um, vendor that I was using, and I've been very pleased with that and they don't charge any. Major fees. So that's been good. Number 16 I have really excelled at. And that was take a weekly library trip and take out a max of 5 books. I found before I was going to the library more sporadically and I was taking out way too many books.
So I wasn't giving as much thought to which ones I actually wanted to read and I just ended up with this big stack of I've been doing a lot of things that I just either didn't have time to read or would abandon because I hadn't, you know, taken the time to look and see will this actually be interesting to me?
But now I've got the rhythm down pretty well. I go every 7 to 10 days. I cap it at 5 books. And it's been great. I've been actually, my daughter has really gotten into the library as a result. She's always loved it, but now we're going often enough that she herself is placing requests and interlibrary loan holds and things like that.
So, pretty cool. Number 17 was Take my kids to my best friend's house to learn linoleum block printing. Yeah, so massive fail on this one. I just never did it. But I did learn they've actually already done this type of art, um, at school. Both of them did it in elementary or middle school. So I guess it wasn't such a brilliant idea after all.
Number 18 was see the blue ghost fireflies. So these are really cool, um, in North Carolina in the forests in particular up close to the mountains on dark nights very late in the spring. You can see these, um, fireflies, and they leave kind of this blue green trail of light. It's only for 30 to 60 minutes, and it's only on evenings when the temperature is above 60 degrees, and it only lasts for about two weeks.
So since we live a considerable distance away from anywhere that these fireflies exist, this is one of those goals that I haven't quite figured out how to get myself together. Well enough to do. So I really want to do it. I didn't make it happen in 2023, and I think I might need to break this down into steps to figure out how to make it a reality because the, the elusive nature of it and the fact that it's sort of fuzzy on when it happens and, you know, we may go to all this effort and still not see it.
I just probably need to plan some kind of trip around the right time and let the trip itself be enough in case we don't catch them. So I'll put a link in the show notes in case you want to learn more about these little fireflies. They're pretty neat. Um, but I think this one needs to make it on the 24 and 24 list because I'm still captivated by the idea.
Number 19 was Replace My Broken Hammock. So this one's kind of funny. I have in my backyard a hammock that came with the house when I bought it. It's one of those North Carolina hammocks that they weave out on the coast out of, I don't know, macrame or something. And when we moved into the house, it was in pretty good shape.
And after several years of four kids playing a game they call Hammock Wars with it, plus being exposed to the elements, it's been falling to pieces. So I was all set. I was gonna buy a new one, put it up there. But they're pretty expensive and the kids actually really enjoy playing with the broken one. In fact, they repaired it themselves using, I don't know, yarn and all kinds of odds and ends.
And I have two other hammocks. I have one that's a fabric hammock that I use on my own, like the upper deck that's off of my bedroom. And I also have an emergency hammock in my car. Which is, um, nylon, and I can use, you know, in parks. So I kind of think I'm just gonna leave this one alone for a few more years.
And when they outgrow the Hammock Wars game, and it's just me at home, then I'll go ahead and replace it with a new one. But for now, you know, being a Venezuelan in heritage, I have more than enough hammocks to satisfy my hammock needs. That brings us to number 20, which was fill my bird feeders every week.
I have done a really good job with this one. I gotta give myself some credit there. There certainly have been a few weeks where I slipped up, but for the most part, I have made the effort, and I've actually gotten my kids and sometimes my partner involved in helping me fill them. And it's, I found it's a lot more enjoyable to do that task with someone else than to do it on my own.
So that's been kind of a trick that's working there. And it's very rewarding to, like, you know, you fill it up and the birds are so happy and they show up. And side note, we just saw our first black eyed junco of the year that's come down from Canada or New York. So that was quite the exciting moment at the bird feeder.
My best friend sent me a thing the other day that made me laugh. It was a tweet by a guy called Jesse Case, and it said, As you age, it's ridiculous how fast birdwatching creeps up on you. You spend your whole life being 100 percent indifferent to birds, and then one day you're like, Damn, is that a yellow rumped warbler?
So true. Number 21 on my list was Ride My Bike Weekly. If there's a 60 to 80 degree day available. I haven't really done this one. I've wanted to, and I have gone out a few times, but on the whole, kind of slacked off there. It doesn't help that the greenway close to my house has been closed down, at least my favorite part of it, for quite a while.
Unfortunately, the greenway repairs seem to take a very long time to do, so that's going to be closed for another year, maybe two. But I should find some kind of solution there, because I do love to get on my bike. But I have been better about getting outside, either to go for a walk or a hike on nice days.
So I think I'm improving, but I haven't gotten on my bike as much as I wanted. Number 22 was supposed to be a lot of fun. It was supposed to be have coffee with a different friend each month. I did not think this one was going to be hard. But I spent the first six months of 2023 riding the struggle bus trying to make this happen.
What I found is that the people who you don't get together with all that often, you don't get together with them all that often because they don't really make the effort to make it happen. And even if you suddenly have more free time available, that actually doesn't increase how often you're going to see them.
And at first that was a really hurtful realization, if I'm being honest, like, I say, Hey, can we have coffee sometime in the month of February or March and people can't find 15 minutes even if I'm willing to drive? That was tough, but I did in the end end up getting together with most everybody that I wanted to, it just didn't necessarily happen on my own timeline.
And what worked really well was I actually started to have coffee with a number of people who I didn't know and who I wasn't friends with. But who were in my network and that turned out to be much easier to do. So all in all, I've probably had coffee with, I don't know, 25, 30 different people in 2023. It just wasn't the set of friends that I imagined that I would.
So there you go. Lesson learned. Sometimes something unexpected but good can come out of a goal, even if it doesn't pan out the way you hoped. Number 23 was replace the ugly chandelier in my entryway. When I bought this house, it came with this hideous, wagon wheel, dark, I don't even know how to describe it.
It was the ugliest, big, giant light I've ever seen. And I just kind of dealt with it for the first year and a half because there were a lot of other things in the house that I needed to attend to. And I found myself putting off because, you know, a nice light fixture like that that spans two stories, it's not a cheap purchase and you want to make sure if you buy something that you're really happy with it.
So it took me a while to get the job done. And that's why I put it on this list. I thought, I need to make this happen sometime during 2023, so let me put it on the list. And I went ahead and made the change, and I wouldn't say that I notice the light fixture that much now. But I don't walk in and every time somebody comes into my home, look up and feel like I need to explain this monstrosity that's hanging from the ceiling.
So it's more been one of those things that it was bothering me and I took care of it and now I feel at peace about it, which is great. And okay, because you know, I have a tendency to be an overachiever, I actually had one more item, a little bonus item on my 23 in 23 list. Which was, at the suggestion of my best friend, clean out my car, which is a good ten plus years old, and have it detailed.
And no, I have not done this. And no, I don't think I'm going to. I just, I don't want to spend a couple hundred dollars to do it. I know I'd probably appreciate it if I did, but as long as I'm carting teenagers around in this car, I mean, it just feels like... What's the point? So, maybe that'll be my present to myself if this car is still going strong when the younger one graduates from high school.
Maybe at that point, I'll drop a couple hundred bucks and get it detailed. So that's it for my 23 in 23 list update. Um, in January, I will share my 24 in 24 list, but I haven't written it yet, although you've gotten a sneak peek of some things that might be on it. I think one thing I really want to do on my 24 in 24 list is really focus in more on fun.
This year I put a lot of things on the list that I was putting off dealing with, but now I've taken care of those things, so there should be more space for joy. Well, it's time to share what I've been cooking up in the kitchen this week. A while back I created this super yummy peanut butter protein bar recipe, and we have just been devouring it.
What I love about the recipe is that you control how much honey is in it. You can control how much granola and how many nuts and what types of dried fruit. So you can create different flavor profiles and really change up how it tastes. I'll drop a link in the show notes in case you're interested. Well chicas, that's all for today.
For more episodes or links to the resources I might have mentioned, Visit www. getyourselftogetherchica. com slash podcast. If you liked today's episode, please share it with your friends, post it on social media. If you love this podcast, make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss any episodes. And please, I would value so much if you would leave a review on Apple Podcasts or whatever app you listen to podcasts.
Until next time, chicas.
