Cut yourself some slack

Episode #27 is all about cutting yourself some slack. What would it look like to lighten up on yourself? Who would you be, if you didn't use fear to motivate yourself?

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Transcript

This is episode number 27 and it's a short one. Which is all about cutting yourself some slack. You'll see why it's a short one as you tune in today and listen. This episode was inspired by some insights I've had over the past month. I've shared before how I realized recently. I can be so relentless with myself. So I've been experimenting with, what would it look like? 

What would it feel like to just lighten up on myself? We'll talk about that and how you can give yourself a break too, when you need it. As always, if you have ideas or feedback, email me at podcast at get yourself together. chica.com. And you can visit the same website. Get yourself together. chica.com/podcast for the show notes.

But first I want to share, what's bringing me joy right now. We just got back from a week in Spain, we flew into Madrid, stopped by a town called Zaragoza and then finished up in Barcelona. We had such a fun time. It was just me and my partner. And when I tallied up my spending. It only cost me about $1,500 for my half of the trip. That includes flights, hotel, food, tours, you name it? We even splurged on a paid private day, long tour to go up and see the Costa Brava and a couple of medieval towns like Girona and Pals, that aren't really easy to get to via train. 

So that actually added 260 us dollars to that $1,500 total. And even though it seemed like inflation had driven prices up quite a bit, especially in Barcelona. All in all. I didn't spend that much more than the last time I went in 20 22. And this time we saw a couple extra towns and cities and we actually went to two flamenco shows instead of just one. 

Like we did last time. Also, my partner did succeed in finding the flamenco guitar that he wanted. So that was a really fun adventure mixed into this trip to. We found ours in one custom guitar makers shop by accident. It was not very clear on Google maps that this was a custom shop. But it was such a delight to see how high end guitars can go. 

It was amazing to see this young man who just loves his craft so much. And no, my partner did not buy one of the custom guitars. Beautiful as they were. That's a little bit out of his price range. And as he said, he's not good enough to have a custom one yet, but maybe someday. 

The one thing that was much more expensive was our dinner at the restaurant Botafumeiro. I told you this was going to be our date night for the month of March and it was but it was almost double the cost of what we paid two years ago for essentially the same meal. I am guessing that was a combination of inflation. And I also think that both Barcelona and the restaurant itself have maybe become more popular in the last couple of years. 

And I'm wondering as well, if perhaps the dollar might have been stronger versus the Euro on our last visit than it was on this one. But in any case, it was definitely a dinner to remember and no regrets. This whole trip was a really good reminder to me that with some planning and some bargain hunting, International travel really can be quite a bargain. Especially when you consider the amount of joy that it brings into our lives and all of the memories that you get for that spending. I know women who go out and drop $1,500 on a shopping trip and don't even wear half of what they buy versus $1,500 for a week in another country. 

Just soaking up the experience. You can't beat that. I'll put a couple pictures from our trip in the show notes. For those of you who are interested.

So that brings us to today's episode topic, which is cutting yourself some slack.

Before this trip, I had done quite the sprint of getting everything ready to be gone. So every Monday I have a new podcast episode that I publish along with the show notes and all that sort of thing. And then most Tuesdays, I also do a video, a blog and an email blast that goes out for my consulting business. I try to stay about two weeks ahead on all of that, if not three weeks ahead, just so I never feel too crunched or rushed. But to get ready for a trip that would basically cross over two Mondays and two Tuesdays between getting ready and getting home and all of that. I had to make sure I had three podcast episodes and three videos and all of that other stuff I mentioned already scheduled and ready to roll. Which I did. But I knew when I got back, it was going to be tight to get that cushion rebuilt. I would have just a few days to get the next week stuff recorded, edited, and scheduled for publication. And I'd have to work ahead over the next week to rebuild that two or three week cushion. Instead the last four days of our trip, I kept feeling a little tickle in my throat. Like my body was fighting off a cold. That's typical for me. I pretty much never get sick with colds or flus or COVID. I just have days or sometimes even a whole week where I can tell my body is beating the germs back. There is one circumstance though that will knock me out. And that is sleep deprivation. Especially when that's combined with something emotionally heavy or stressful. That's when my body's immune system just craps out and I do get sick. So when we were awake for almost 20 hours straight on our flights back home. Yup. I started feeling the balance tip in favor of the germs. I was feeling, run down little bit of a cough by the next day when I had made it back home. I had a cough and it was bugging me a lot. And my voice was basically gone. 

Those symptoms have hung around for quite a while. I even took a couple of COVID tests because my best friend who is mad that I've never caught COVID was like, take it. I bet. It's COVID. And it was not COVID. Just some kind of cold, but just as I was starting to feel better, I had to go in for a medical procedure. 

It was scheduled ahead of time. It involves sedation. So that knocked me down for another two days. Recovering. And, you know, at that point I realized, you know what, I have to cut myself some slack here. It is actually fine if I don't get an episode published on Monday. Even though I've done it for 26 consecutive Mondays. 

It's okay if number 27 gets delayed by a week. It is fine. If I don't get a video out the door for Tuesday. The world will go on spinning. I will not slide off into total slacker mode and never create anything worthwhile ever again. That got me thinking about how, when I'm with my partner, especially when we're relaxed or we're traveling. I often have so many amazing ideas. Things I want to do for my business, stuff I want to write for my novel, you name it. It's like my creative energy. Just bursts forward. All of this inspiration. And yet when I'm back home in my usual, get everything done mode. Especially when I'm alone. I don't generate that same creative, inspired, motivated energy. Instead, I tend to rely on this little internal voice that pushes me hard to make a list and power through the list. Even at the expense of remembering to eat or take a break. I have been reading the book "the body keeps the score." And one thing that's jumped out to me is that this is essentially what internal family systems therapy would call a manager part of me. And not really a very healthy manager. But rather a manager that's a bit brutal and relentless. That little manager inside, it's trying to protect me because it's afraid that I'm lazy or I won't accomplish anything much. 

If it doesn't stand there trying to scare me and motivate me through fear. But when I'm relaxed and especially when I'm with my partner, when I feel so safe and happy. My true, authentic self steps forward. And my authentic self is so motivated. So full of creative energy and inspiration. And that is the place I want to operate from. That means I've got to work with that protective little manager inside me, that little bully and say, I see what you're trying to do here. Thank you for how you've helped me in the past. 

In harder times, maybe when I was struggling with motivation. But I think I've got this. I think I am capable of cutting myself some slack. And accomplishing worthwhile important things. 

So that's where this episode came from today. After releasing myself from the burden of, I have to get an episode out the door. I realized, I think I have an episode in me. And it's an easy one. And if I'm recovered enough and I can get my voice to do it, I'll go ahead and do it. And I don't have to edit it perfectly. 

And maybe the show notes will be a little lacking. And if my voice is still a little scratchy, that might be all right. As long as it's a message worth sharing and I can do it in a way that doesn't feel like I'm sacrificing myself and my health and my energy to get it done. 

Originally, I was going to do an episode on travel hacks and how to make life easier when you're packing for trips and all those sorts of things. But that can probably wait until episode 27 or 28 or 29. I don't even know a number of run anymore. I'll do it in a future episode. 

This one seems a little more timely.

I had another big breakthrough during our trip, by the way. For three years, I have been working on this novel draft that from time to time I talk about on the show. Sometimes it flows easily. Other times it's been hard. But most of all, I keep feeling this pain and this frustration. That what I want it to be. 

And my current level of writing talent and ability, there's just a really big gap between those two things. It's not working. I'm actually not quite ready to write something this amazing yet. And oh, that's a painful realization to have, even though I've suspected it for a long time. I know it's true. And at the same time, I have had an idea for a plot driven suspenseful mystery. A not that hard to write book. 

If I'm being honest with myself. Ever since my trip last August with my son and my best friend, when we went to Amsterdam. It's based on something that happened to us during that trip. And while we were there. And I took super detailed notes at the time, because we all just kept saying, gosh, this feels like a movie. 

This feels like a book plot. And, you know, at the time I put it away, even though it sort of kept making my brain light up and tingle. Because I was so committed to the book that I have been writing. But it just keeps coming back to me at different times, over and over again, over the past eight or nine months. So one morning, two weeks ago, my partner and I were having coffee and breakfast in the Gothic quarter of Barcelona. 

And I told him how I just keep coming back to that plot idea. And he said. Why don't you set the other draft aside, the one you've been fighting and beating into submission for so long. And just go chase this idea for a bit. He told me he's often had a very similar experience when he's writing a song. Where he keeps trying and trying to make one idea work. Because he's just so attached to it. And so enamored and in love with that one idea, but it just won't come together. 

At the same time, he's ignoring a riff, that's calling to him over and over again. 

And when he finally follows the tune, that's calling him, it just comes together like magic. So when I made that decision, that realization that I could put that old draft away. And just open up some space for this new idea. I felt so light and free for the first time in ages. I've released the fear that that would mean I'm not committed to my creative endeavors or that I'm wishy-washy or I quit when it gets hard. 

It doesn't mean any of those things. And, you know, when I told my best friend about it, She got really excited. And she was like, I want to write this book with you. Let's do it together. Which is perfect. We actually talked about that months and months ago when it all happened in Amsterdam. So we're going to do some work of fleshing out the plot pretty soon. 

Got a lot of it already fleshed out. And then work up some kind of a timeline and a plan for what that looks like for us to write this together. And I think it's actually going to be really fun. I'm being a little bit more conservative this time and thinking of it as a prototyping project, we just kind of need to figure out what does that minimum viable product look like? 

That will tell us, do we write well together? Is this fun? Is this enjoyable? Is there something to this plot idea that we want to turn into a book? But I'm telling you. I think there's something there. I can't talk about it much on the show from here. Because it's in that delicate, fragile spot. Where I need to protect it. 

I need to nurture it and see what it can grow into. But there's something there. So I hope that hearing some of my journey over the past few weeks has inspired you to consider. Where could you cut yourself some slack? 

Where are you pushing yourself too hard? And motivating yourself through fear. Or judgment. 

Where might you create a little more space for inspiration and joy? And creativity to step forward. And trust that it can carry you through. 

All right. It's time to tell you what I've been cooking up in the kitchen lately. My kids and I whipped up a few easy burrito, fillings. A tofu scramble, some black beans, couple different vegetables and rice and potatoes. And all last week, whenever any of us wanted a snack or a quick meal, we would just toss a bunch of that stuff into a tortilla and grill it in the skillet for a minute or two, just enough to hold it together and get a little brown and crispy on each side. I was amazed at how much better a burrito is. 

If you just take that moment to grill it in a skillet. It was a good reminder that amazing food does not have to take that much effort or that much planning. Sometimes it's the little things.