Embracing the Power of Decluttering and Organizing for Aging Adults

Are you feeling overwhelmed with clutter and in need of some guidance on organizing your home? Well, you're in luck because in this episode, we dive into the world of organizing and decluttering with Abigail. We chat about the common challenges aging adults face when it comes to organizing their homes and how to downsize and create a more manageable space. 

Abigail shares practical tips and tricks to help you get started, including the power of starting with just one item and questioning the meaning and value of your belongings. We also discuss the emotional attachment we often have to sentimental items and ways to preserve those memories without cluttering up our space. Plus, we touch on the importance of creating good habits to maintain an organized home. 

We hope after you listen to this episode you will feel clearer on how to navigate the world of organizing and empower yourselves to conquer the clutter! Click to play now!

Transcript

John: 0:11

Hi, I'm John,

Erin: 0:13

and I'm Erin. You're listening to connect and power. The podcast that proves age is no barrier to growth and enlightenment

John: 0:20

tune in each week as we break down complex subjects into bite sized enjoyable episodes that will leave you feeling informed, entertained, and ready to conquer the world.

Erin: 0:33

Our guest today has always had a passion for organizing. It started when she was a child designing layouts of her room to make the space more efficient and minimize her toys and family stuff throughout various high school and college jobs. She found a way to organize and stand out. Her dad having his own business encouraged her to turn her passion into business while putting her life back together after a devastating low point. She realized her passion in helping people. So she made the decision and created her own company organized by Abby. com.

John: 1:08

Get ready to turn your creativeness on and be inspired by the tips and tricks we're going to learn as we welcome our guests. Abby Ness, Welcome.

Abigail Ness: 1:17

Hello. Thank you so much for having me.

Erin: 1:20

Abby, you've been serving the Treasure Valley for over five years as an organizing and decluttering specialist. And our listeners now know you've been designing since you were a little girl, but we want to dive in just a little bit deeper. what was that spark that moment that you were like, okay, I know you talked about your dad a little, but I feel like there's something more. Like what was it that was like, okay, I can do this and make a living and survive and really have the opportunity to help people.

Abigail Ness: 1:47

Yeah, oh, absolutely. It's, I definitely can thank my parents for that, right? But the spark happened when I was trying to put my life back together. I just, I realized I was up at the lodge in Alaska with my parents. They built it from the ground up with their bare hands, pretty much. And I realized Oh my goodness, look at what they're building with their dreams, with their passions together. It's gorgeous. And so I was, if they're visiting them and I just started realizing like, okay, I'm putting my life back together after a terrible separation from an ex. And I realized I have a passion. I have a dream. And what is that? What could I do to help other people when it comes to my talents? And, in the back of my mind was like, your dad has been mentioning you could do this for a while. So I was like, Oh my gosh, that's right. yes, he was right. I'm dang it. No, I'm just kidding. but he was correct. And so I took some months to think about it and Oh, what if I do this? But if anything though, too, is that I had pages of notes about creating my own company on this, like from years before that, because I had always still had it in my gut. I just love doing this for people and helping people. So I realized, okay, I can help people with this passion and this talent I have. So let's start it. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I get to help. people with my passion. So I jumped in.

John: 3:09

that is so awesome. this amazing subject of organizing and decluttering. can you share some of the most common organizational challenges aging adults face in their home?

Abigail Ness: 3:21

Yeah. One of the biggest ones that I've seen, and again, doing this for almost six years is realizing people have such a hard time getting rid of stuff. They don't want to let go. And in that, the elderly community. Mind you, they went through the war, they went through possibly the depression or how, depending on their age, but they literally lived through, having to have so much less. sure, we are, have all gone through very difficult things and it's a crazy world right now, but they didn't have a Walmart two streets over, they couldn't order something online that could arrive the day of or the day later. So their whole mindset is focused on. Keeping the things and hoarding in a sense, but in a different way, because it was a totally different lifestyle back then. so the difficulty I see is that people don't want to let go because of that mindset that they grew up in. I don't want to get rid of this because what if I can't find it again, or I don't want to get rid of this because this is the only one I have and I can't get rid of it. It was a gift. It was my family heirloom. It was something I bought because I spent all this money on it. I can't get rid of that. So there's so many reasons why they're keeping it, but they just don't want to let go. And unfortunately that rolls over to. Not being able to have a very safe environment at times because they don't want to let go of all the stuff that's been accumulated for 70 80 90 years. I'm 38 and I you know, it's hard to imagine 90 years of accumulation and So that's a really difficult thing that they face is not wanting to let go

Erin: 5:10

I remember I was caregiving a lady and assisted living and she had a whole cabinet full of figurines that when they moved in there, her daughter went through and helped her get rid of it. But now she was needing more care and having to get rid of more. And she was. These pieces are from family. These are pieces from my travel. These are pieces from here or there. And she really did have a hard time. And some of them, her husband had passed. So they were from him. And those are really hard to get rid of her. But then she was going to a small room. So I, it's got to be tough. I

John: 5:43

I can't. Yeah, I can't even imagine. there is, so many times in life we do get attached to the things that are important that were gifts. Or from somebody that we love, that we... really cherish that thing. Even a simple thing like, some of our clothes that we have, right? It was my wife's favorite shirt. And she used to love when I'd wear this shirt, or whatever. even though it may be outdated, or the wrong size or a little tattered or torn. But, it is tough to get rid of things, but we can't take those things with us.

Erin: 6:13

and it's hard because I feel even at my age and friends that I know that have lost their parents I have a winter coat of my dad's. It's never going to fit me, but I keep trying to go, Hey son, this will fit you. Or I had one of my brothers here. I'm like, Oh, you want this? And it's such a nice coat and it's heavy and it's perfect for the weather and I just can't get rid of it. So yeah, it's, that's tough. Can you offer some practical tips for aging adults looking to downsize and create more of that manageable space? Like how can they do it? it's very emotional. So what should they do or their,

John: 6:49

They hire Abby

Abigail Ness: 6:50

yeah,

Erin: 6:50

Or like their children saying, can you get rid of this, or can you help us Clear this out. How do you get them to detach the emotion?

Abigail Ness: 6:58

Yeah, absolutely. So we give items, meaning, physical items are made by a factory or hands, right? So the meaning of that item is given by us. That table has no meaning unless you say I don't know. We got married up by that table, right? And oh, wow, that has such a big meeting by it. So when seniors are going into this of trying to minimize, my first thing is the answers in the mirror. And unfortunately, a lot of people like to disengage themselves from the stuff thinking, Oh, no, it's just. It's just stuff. And I don't, if you organize it or you put a better system in it, then it will solve whatever situation is going on, even when they're thinking about minimizing. But it's that stuff is there because you chose to have it there or someone gave it to you, but you still chose to keep it or you chose to buy it and bring it in the home. It doesn't just magically appear in your home, or your family or spouse or whoever bought it in there. So What I always recommend first is to remind yourself that the answers in the mirror and to start seeing the stuff for what it is, yes, these are items from a family member, but asking yourself and questioning it, questioning it is one of the most powerful things because then it gives you the power to choose and to make a decision of, okay. Oh, it's a family heirloom. I have to keep it. Okay. Thank you. do you even know what's who it's from? Why are you keeping it? Is it something you literally like to enjoy and see or use or sit on or use at the dinner table? But they just, it's easy to automatically go, just go, Oh no, I have to keep it. It was given by my great grandma or something. It's a gift, but starting to question things and asking, okay, why am I keeping it? Is it out of fear? Often we focus on choosing to keep things out of fear because again, what if I can't find that same thing again? Or what if I just, I can't imagine like my grandma would be so mad if I got rid of it. She, one of my grandma's. Is in the, she has passed away, so that it will be the least thing from her mind is what I did with her belongings. so yeah, questioning it, it gives so much more power and then allowing people, they have the confidence that they can be okay without those items. Because again, when we give that item so much power, and I see this all the time is we give that item the power. It takes our time. It takes our money. It takes our. Focus and we think, Oh no, it's just stuff. It's not a big deal. Especially when you're minimizing, Oh, it's just my whole house. I just have to minimize it, whatever. It's not a big deal. Okay. Or even for the kids when they say, Oh, mom and dad, you guys need to get rid of half of this stuff. Okay. you go in your closet. You get rid of everything and then you tell me if stuff doesn't have power over you, you will absolutely come back and tell me like, Oh my gosh, I couldn't get rid of this. I couldn't get rid of that. I have everything still because I can't get rid of, stuff has such a power of us. But it's also a choice to keep it that way, just like if someone has a difficulty with an addiction or, with a relationship, we have to choose how we're going to view that. And if we're going to allow it to control, my, my house is just full and I guess that's just the way it is. you do have a choice in that still, and you don't have to keep everything.

Erin: 10:18

So it's asking the questions. Yeah. Why do I have this table and why am I choosing to keep this table and do I need to really keep this table?

Abigail Ness: 10:28

Yeah. Is it adding value to your life? Is it helping you in the season? Because often we like to keep things for, I'm keeping this for some season in the future. Okay. are you literally keeping that coat for when the winter comes so you can be warm or is it just for, or, but maybe it's a beautiful memory, right? There's many reasons, but yeah. What are you saving it for? or why are you saving those beautiful dishes for a Sunday? Back in the day? they had Sunday best. They had, maybe a few vacations here or there, right? There, there were actually things that were very special and intentional like that. But nowadays, every day is Sunday's best. I think that's why I wear this. Like today's the day to wear red, high heels.

Erin: 11:09

I love it. I love it. I

John: 11:11

too, as we get older, it does feel good to to hold onto some things that are important to us that bring back those memories of cherished youth or people that we have loved that are no longer with us. friends that may be no longer with us either, But there is also, a lot of stress that comes with the accumulation of things. And as our house fills up and we have no more room to move around and stuff or organize it, it can become stressful too. I think you've probably already talked about this, but when it comes to some of those really sentimental things, that you're really having trouble letting go of, are there ways that you recommend that you can preserve those things and also reduce the clutter? what do you recommend with some of your clients?

Erin: 12:02

like pictures that maybe they've got like 50 million of the same picture, but it's okay, focus on this one photo or two of them So something along that

John: 12:10

line?

Abigail Ness: 12:11

yeah, when it comes to, preserving for. Really sentimental items. So as I've been working with so many people in different ages, even seeing even kids having a difficult time with sentimental items, I've been noticing that they try to keep everything that's sentimental. But if you keep everything that's sentimental, it starts to diminish. Why is it even sentimental? And then they have bins and boxes of it and it's if it's really sentimental and you care about it, why is it stuffed in boxes when do people actually go through their pictures? I've organized my pictures, but maybe one time a year, maybe two times within five years, right? Like it, it's just out of sight, out of mind.

John: 12:54

I will say you're right there. However, people as they age, they tend to look back at pictures a lot more than our youth. I don't look at pictures very often either, except on my phone. But I can tell you this just from experience of working in assisted living facilities and skilled facilities A lot of times when people don't see their loved ones on a regular basis. They really cherish going into their photo albums or sometimes they have, those frames that go through the different pictures as digitized frames and that's one of their most prized items because they do want to remember all those moments.

Erin: 13:31

one of my favorite things, and we haven't done as much now, is my mom has a bunch of, you know, when photos were on slides. And we had a slide projector. And when we'd all get together and go through all, we'd have music playing in the background and the slides going I'm like, Oh my gosh, that was so cool. We did that. we should all bring that back. That was cool.

Abigail Ness: 13:49

That's super fun. Yeah. Well, and I love that because then. Then they can actually see it. and I've seen that with some of my clients too, when they actually have the photo albums out, they actually have those pictures out on the wall or they can enjoy it. it makes such a big difference. and it breaks my heart when they've shoved them in a box and, in the garage, I'm like, can you even access them? Like it may, the box might be too heavy. So that's, one of the things is that I mentioned is, Have it accessible. Have it on your coffee table. Have it in a way that you can actually enjoy it. And if it's too much to handle, then you just start going through it, say one at a time. You know, if it's pictures or if it's a sentimental item, I again, I allow them the opportunity, and that's why I like working with them so much individually is because I get to walk them through that because I've sat on the ground multiple times with clients crying because they actually are facing their fear you know, like I was mentioning that so many reasons why people are hanging on to things, even sentimental is that it comes sometimes comes back to fear. They're so scared as if they don't have the item anymore, they may not remember. or a celebration or an event. And sure, I definitely never say get rid of all sentimental items, right? That's never the answer, but when they can enjoy, a handful of them versus say 10 boxes in the garage, right? they can't visually see them. Then they, then you don't even remember the experience or the person, but if you can see it, in your home, or maybe you have some in your bedroom and then, you're actually enjoying them. In your day to day life, or maybe you take it out once a month or something. but another way, and it's not even necessarily to keep them, but a lot of people keep things that were sentimental because they're, they're worth a lot, or I spent a lot, or there was such a big event or celebration around it, like a momentous, hundreds of, hundredth anniversary at Disneyland or whatever. And they bought all these, globes from it or something. What I suggest at times is selling that in an auction and sure, it's a sentimental and it's something that they care about, but they could use that money to go toward spending time with their grandkids or putting that money towards something they may want or giving those to a local museum. A lot of times they hang on to those sentimental items. Because of a scarcity mindset of thinking like, Oh my gosh, I have to have these because then I won't have anything on my wall or I won't have anything remembering the 1950s or whatnot. But if they don't have to have it, and if they actually ask themselves, am I choosing to keep this? Cause I enjoy it and it's fun and it's bringing back good memories. Or could I maybe donate it to a museum so everyone else can enjoy it and then, you get a tax benefit and not that it's all focused on tax benefit, but you could even donate it to maybe a local church or a local shelter that you have all this beautiful China, but They're not using it and they may think, Oh, it's a good memory, but I can't use it anymore. Or do they don't want to use it? So you can even donate it to a local shelter for whenever someone, I know it goes out of, the shelter and they like get an apartment. They need stuff to house it and that China could go toward someone starting a new home. So there's so many options. Yeah. And I always come back to, it doesn't always have to be keeping it means. Saving that memory. Maybe you take a picture of it and you keep a picture of the item instead of physically keeping the item. Maybe just take a picture and you can look at the actual picture and oh, that was a good time. That was a good memory,

John: 17:23

Nowadays with cell phones and everything, you can take tons of pictures and then you can delete all the ones you don't love. But Aaron has started doing something that I don't know if our me. Our listeners are aware of. She found a company online, and you can go through and you can pick out your favorite pictures, and then you can create a coffee table book. And you can almost go through a photo album, and you can take out some of the highlights of your life. Pick your favorite pictures of mom and dad, or your favorite pictures of your children at certain ages. And instead of having a photo album with, say, 50 to 60 pictures, you can pull out, 30 pictures, or 20 pictures, or whatever, and you can create a coffee table book, so to speak, where you can put it on your table in your front room, and the nice thing is, now you have one book with all your best, all your favorites, and when people come over to visit, They can open this book and you can say, yeah, it's a little story about my family and my life, And they can open it up and go through it. And reduce... all the room that it takes to house all those photo albums. So

Erin: 18:30

what I was going to say earlier is you're speaking to me because I have all my kids pictures and I want to be able to pass it on to them when they're ready. So when they have kids, it's special to them. I used to take my kids art. And I frame it and put it on the wall. it was always our art hanging in the hallway as our pictures. So I think trying to be creative like that, cause grandparents get stuff from their grandkids and they don't want to get rid of it. So maybe doing something like that, having a

John: 18:54

pictures of those

Erin: 18:55

But if they need stuff like say they're moving into an assisted living or somewhere independent living and they need, stuff on their walls, it might be another way to get creative. And not have to get rid of it right away. Oh, yeah. and

Abigail Ness: 19:08

to get rid of it right away. Oh yeah. And allowing that space to have, but a push pin board. So it has, you still have the whole board or, or frame it or put them up. but. you don't have to keep 20 to prove how great your grandkids are. Or, cause I even think of myself, I'm like, grandma, grandpa, you don't need to keep that stuff of mine. Obviously they enjoy it and they love it, but knowing that oh, okay, I'm going to have this section. And this is where I'm going to put these up instead of, a hundred of them allow, a smaller area of putting up beautiful things that you like from your grandkids.

Erin: 19:38

Have you talked to some of them about maybe rotating stuff through? Yes. If they have so many, okay, like you say earlier, seasonal stuff, like during this season we can bring this stuff out, does that work? Does that help? Does it make them feel better when they have it as an option

Abigail Ness: 19:53

It's, it depends on them if they actually want to do that. I think sometimes add a site out of my, or it just, it's not as much of a priority at times. So I have seen it work really well because then it's that section that they can kind of make messy in a sense of Oh yeah, kids pictures and stuff. But it's not scattered everywhere and cluttering up the whole space. So I, I think it's worked well for some people. And then other people, it's just not what they really to their core want to even use, or they just feel guilty. So they have to put it up. Then they may not want to even see it,

John: 20:27

I know you go in and you help people organize and declutter their space. And so do you teach them how to keep it? decluttered and organized. I know that you can go into a closet and make it look amazing. I've seen photos and so forth, or go into people's room in their home and help them create a much more efficient, better looking space. But do you also teach how to keep it that way?

Abigail Ness: 20:56

But do that even more because the thing is that people think they're not involved in the organizing process. They think if I come in pretty baskets, there's a flow in place, you're going to put this stuff here, doing this stuff here, maybe get rid of some stuff. They think that's going to solve all of it, but they don't realize that those clothes landed on the floor. Because they landed on the floor because they put them there, right? So now, going forward after I've helped them make something look so beautiful, they don't want to hear that their habits are the ones that will determine whether that's going to stay organized or not. And it's, it sounds so mean, right? When I say the answer's in the mirror. But that's also when it comes to our finances, our relationship, our own, mental state. sure, there's some contributing factors or health things or, awful job but the answer still has to come back to us. And it's crazy that a lot of people think it's all organized in pretty baskets. And then it just got so messy. I'm like, did you put it back in the basket? Did you put it in the laundry room? Did you wash it? Or did you hang up, back up on the hanger that's because the habits are what like keeps it. organized and sure a flow is good and organizing supplies are good, but that's not the end all be all because the person is still involved

John: 22:18

because person you have repeat offenders then, where you organize their entire space, and then they call you up and say, See you next month, because it's going to get all messy again? Yes,

Abigail Ness: 22:27

and I've literally even had a spouse because I was organizing their master bedroom closet, for one of the spouses and, but the other spouse looked at me and she was like, you can do whatever you want, but I'm not going to keep it organized and I will never. Try. I was like, Oh, Okay. So honesty is good. and unfortunately there's only so much I can do. And it just, it's part of my educational side that I want to help people more that want to have help. I. Love helping people declutter and help them get rid of stuff, but going through that process with them. But a lot of people, they don't want to get rid of anything and they just want it to look pretty like on, Pinterest or home edit. And that's beautiful. However, it's not reality for the majority of people of what Pinterest, closets look like because on Pinterest they have four shirts in that closet or they have four colors in that drawer, right? it's not the normal

John: 23:28

reality of yeah.

Abigail Ness: 23:29

majority of American consumerism that buys a lot more stuff.

Erin: 23:34

So if somebody is looking to start and they're not ready to have somebody come in their home and they just want to start practicing themselves, what do you suggest that they do? Like, where do they go? Do they go to the container store? Do they go Walmart, target thrift stores to find stuff? how does someone even start?

Abigail Ness: 23:54

I always recommend and talk about the power of one. So before buying organizing supplies, before, moving this around, moving that around, I suggest the power of one and just starting. You have that one piece of paper and you start asking and telling it, okay, I don't need you. Or why do I need you? Oh, it's a piece of junk mail. Okay. I don't need you. I'm going to call this company and unsubscribe from them. Okay. But you treat that item or that one thing right in front of you as utterly worthless. The totality of all of it. sure, you're probably in the back of your mind like, Oh my gosh, there's 200 pieces of paper in that huge pile or this one shirt. Are you kidding me? I have an entire closet to go through, right? There's it's gets very overwhelming. But when you focus on the one thing, just like in five years, we don't know what we're going to be doing. you plan and you hope, but yeah. You don't know how you're going to be handling that situation. However, you can handle this second right here. I can decide how I'm going to react or not react, or I'm going to breathe. Okay, I'm deciding right now in this one second. Five more seconds from here, maybe it might be different, right? But I get to choose right here. And that's, I see a lot of, hopeless people when it comes to stuff that they don't think that they have power over this stuff. I have to keep it. I have to store it. I have to use it or I have to have it in my home. Like it's a storage unit and it breaks my heart. But when you start Okay. This one piece, I don't need it. Okay. okay, great. Okay. Throw it away. Okay, great. You pick up the next piece of paper or the next shirt or item in the home and you tell that thing where it's going to go. Because one of my slogans with my company is helping people. Take back the life that stuff stole from them stuff. Steals. Yeah, stuff still so much from people. you think like your family might still a lot from you like, boundaries or emotions or so much drama or whatever stuff. Does 10 times more with doing this for so many years, I have never seen whether it's a million dollar home or someone that is financially struggling. Stuff destroys more than it helps because of the power. We give it. we let it define us. So if we don't have that item, we're not cool anymore. We're not beautiful anymore. We're not smart anymore because we didn't keep our high school diploma. I threw that thing away. Why am I going to keep it? I know I'm smart. I know I graduated from high school, but I don't need that paper. yeah. Okay. Some pieces of papers you do need.

John: 26:29

down there. like your diploma.

Abigail Ness: 26:31

Oh,

Erin: 26:32

So you suggest instead of just going out and buying a bunch of containers, really. It's starting with one thing, whether you always throw your socks on the floor or you don't put your toothbrush up or you get the same junk mail that, you know, okay, if I unsubscribe to this, I won't have to deal with this anymore.

Abigail Ness: 26:50

and then that starts to really help get the reality of Oh my goodness, look at these piles of papers that are on my table. And it's not as self deprecating kind of thing, but it's a good reality check, right? We get reality checks when we go to the doctor's office. Oh goodness. the doctor's if you stop eating such and such or whatever. You're going to have a healthy life or, medication, whatever it would be. And that starts to happen when we choose to look and face the fear. And it gets so powerful when it's fear based, because I don't want to go through that pile. I don't want to see what's going to be in there because I know there's some painful things. I don't want to see and I don't want to address avoidance. People get decision fatigue, like I don't want to make those decisions. I have to make a billion decisions every day, let alone that pile that's on my coffee table or something. it gets people so depressed and even. Some of my elderly clients, she's I can't even start. I've been so depressed. She's 85 years old and has to be on antidepressants because of how cluttered her space has been and she just It's so heartbreaking and it's stuff. So when people are like, Oh no, it has no energy over me. it does in some way. obviously with different people, it might be less, might be more or different types of things. But that way, as you're starting to go through one, you're going to get more encouraged. You're going to get more power. And then you're going to see, Oh, I only ended up with, 10 papers and I only need a couple file folders versus I need a whole filing cabinet, right? For all these papers, it gives you a better reality check of, Oh, I need a few baskets or gosh, all this stuff will fit in my closet now that I've decluttered it. Cause a lot of people try to organize before decluttering. But that's just putting a pretty bow on a, not a good situation. But when you declutter, then you clean it out, you purge and you start fresh. And then you go from

John: 28:43

from there. I'm glad you said that, and I think that, we don't have to do everything at once either. there's so many times as you're talking about this, I don't want our listeners to listen to this and go, Okay, I understand I need to start decluttering before I organize. Or I just need to call Abby for everything. but it is true that when we start looking at things and how much power we, they have over us, and if we just start small and just take a little bit of time, it doesn't need to be all day. You don't need to say, Okay, I'm gonna have to declutter the whole house today. Because, a lot of us... are working. A lot of people that are older don't have the energy. So even if they just take 10 minutes out of their day or even half hour out of their day and say Okay. You know what? I'm going to start with that little pile right there. That's on my coffee table because I have no spot to put my coffee cup now. And so I'm just going to go through those piles of paper. I'm not going to worry about the rest of the house. I'm just going to do that.

Erin: 29:41

and sometimes it's the kids helping out too. Yeah. The kids helping out. It's up to a carrier that comes in the house to help it. We had a client once where she had a subscription, the people call and they want you to buy everything. And that was a way that we were able to find out who was scamming her, who was taking advantage of her money. So I think that's another important thing to, we needed to clutter, but also as children or support systems, we Be on the lookout for that as well.

John: 30:14

Yeah, but we need to also make sure that We're very I'm thinking out loud Sorry that we're very respectful that We can't go into mom and dad's house and just start throwing things away and decluttering because that can create some relationship stress.

Erin: 30:27

No, of course. But what I'm saying is that opens up the door to go, Oh, they're being scammed here by, Oh, you need this cream to get rid of your wrinkles or Oh, you need this for whatever that is, is going. Mom picked up the phone while you were gone, subscribed to something else, and she didn't need that, right? Which adds to the clutter in the home, which adds to the mail that comes in and everything else. So that's another thing just to be aware of, for ourselves, but also for our parents and grandparents.

John: 30:57

And One thing, one thing I'd like to add is it doesn't matter whether you are in your thirties or your forties or your fifties, or even in your eighties, right? We all can find a reason not to declutter or not to organize And the problem with it is you said this earlier, talking, It's about habits, right? It's about creating good habits. And it's about, gosh, I do have a laundry basket. it doesn't take that much effort. Much more effort to put those clothes that I put on the floor in the laundry basket. And you're going to be much happier if you make some effort. rinse your dish, throw it in the dishwasher. Do some things that don't create that overwhelming feeling, right? Because as we get tired... We don't have the patience and then if we're surrounded by things that aren't organized or cluttered or dirty Yeah. it, so just doing little habits, creating little habits on a regular basis to keep that clutter down. And then when we do have our areas that we need to work on and improve. Don't feel overwhelmed. Just do a little of it. You're saying just start. Just take that one step, right? And so many, Yeah, that one item. and figure it out. Because, as we get older too, it's probably smart that we do more and more of that. decluttering. then we start getting rid of things. because you're right. As you said earlier, we can acquire. more and more things. Aaron and I have had discussions many times about going, gosh, I cannot believe I still have this, what do I even need this for, that's a cool little sculpture, but, do I really need that? Are we going to put that up? in our home? Is it something that... It's just going to collect dust, right?

Abigail Ness: 32:50

It's just going to buy a souvenir. I have to bring things home to give to other people. Where did we start thinking that we have to do all these things, which again, we live in a. a world that you get advertisements all day, every day, right? And then it's a consumerism lifestyle, unfortunately, and it, that's why I was like, Oh no, you don't have to buy baskets right away. wait, see what you actually need. And I see this, This little cartoon where this older gentleman is standing in front of a garage and it's like halfway open. And then his son's right next to him and the older gentleman was saying, someday this is all going to be yours. And that, his son is like, I don't want that. But it's so true. I mean, literally. Parents or, or siblings or whatever are leaving homes full of stuff. why do we have to have full garages? You have a car that's worth 50, 000, maybe is the average 50, 000, not necessarily investment, but you're, you have paid this money to sit on your driveway and all this stuff is in your garage. Right. And there's different reasons for that, but it's still just again, questioning that. and I even heard one, elderly person recently that was like, yep, I'm 90 and sure my whole house is full of stuff. I don't care. I'm going to leave it to my kids so they can figure it out. I'm not going to worry about it. I was like, Oh my goodness. Like,

John: 34:14

yeah, that's a discussion that I have definitely heard too over the years. And, there's that old saying, what one's man trash... is another

Erin: 34:23

is another man's trash.

John: 34:25

vice versa, and so many times we think that somebody is going to want our things, right? They're going to want this, and so it's I can pass that down to my son, or I can pass that down to my daughter, but have you truly asked your son or daughter if they want all those things? and then it is sad that you don't realize that if you make those comments, or if you truly believe that I don't care. I'm just going to keep all this stuff. And when I'm gone, they can figure it out. That creates a lot of hardship for your children. That creates a lot of hardship for the people that are left behind. Because now they got to let go through each of those items that were once yours. And they knew it was yours. And so now they have to figure out, Gosh, would Dad get upset if I got rid of this? Would Mom get upset? And Yeah, so it's emotional. it's much better That as we age, some of those things that maybe we don't really have a huge desire to have any more than get rid of them. or offer them up. Have that conversation with your children beforehand and say, Gosh, that doll set that I've been keeping for years, I don't need any more. I, need to declutter the house, downsize. Is that something that you would like in the future, or what you would like now? Because, I don't want it anymore. And to have that discussion, because, Yeah. boy, when it comes to the end, it just saves so many headaches. Not only for the person that's, say, moving to a different level of care, maybe into an assisted living or an independent, but, it also saves their children so many headaches,

Abigail Ness: 35:55

so glad you mentioned that because that's actually a really good point and it's such, it's so much more smart to be able to gift those things now while you're still alive. none of us are promised tomorrow, but it's, back in the day or, way further when the elderly were younger, it was something really special that, Oh, my, my grandparent had this watch. And then it was my dad's Only watch and they wanted to give that to their son because it was their only watch nowadays You have ten watches throughout ten years and then you buy ten more, right? it's a different story So back in the day, it was a very special thing of yeah, you know a jewelry, you know Maybe your grandma had a couple pieces of jewelry. Instead of, Oh, I'm going to leave all this, I'm going to hoard all this for all my kids, or I'm going to keep these things or even this money for whenever I pass away, but it's like even some of my relatives, they're actually blessing their grandkids and kids right now with that money. Oh, this is going to go towards your education or your house that you just bought or for a trip you want to go on Instead of waiting until you pass away to give them, Oh, I'm going to gift you this whole set of, China dishes. what are you doing with it right now? it's just sitting there. why don't we enjoy it now? you might scratch it. It's not meant to be sitting on a counter or only display, and, but it's Oh, cool. So that's another way that the elderly can enjoy. Minimizing is not necessarily give all their stuff away, but like you said, asking your kids like, Hey, would you like to have this? Would this be something you'd like to have in your home? And then if they say no, then you get to get rid of it and donate it to the next person to enjoy.

Erin: 37:34

to get to see them enjoy it too, which is really cool. It's like, wow, this is something I held in. It was special to me, but now I get to see them use it when I go to their house for dinner or

John: 37:44

I love that you said that. Yeah. Because I was thinking that same thing, so many times we hold on to it. and we go, Gosh. We don't want to give it to them yet, maybe they're not responsible enough, it's such a treat. When you have something that you truly see a lot of value in and you share it with your children or you share it with a best friend or somebody and you give it to them while you're still alive and you see what it does for them because they know how important it was to you or how much you cared about it. I'm

Abigail Ness: 38:11

can hear the story about it. When I got that, it was this year and this was the situation. My grandma started writing a whole, little. Tag on it and this is you know, your grandpa gave it to me I wore it to the first dance we went to and just you know, it's beautiful and but it's like one of the maybe Handful of things I have from her, but if she gave me like Ten pieces of jewelry. I'm like, oh wow, that's a lot. yeah, you wouldn't value it as

Erin: 38:40

but to handwrite the note with it, that's pretty special to know, wow, this is where it came from. It wasn't just grandma's jewelry, right? It was

John: 38:48

A story. With a story attached. What a brilliant idea. I know that when the listeners hear this, some of them are probably going to do that. They're probably going to say, gosh. What Abby said is such a powerful and incredible thing. I'm going to give this ring to my daughter but I'm going to share the story, and I'm going to hand write it.

Abigail Ness: 39:06

Oh,

John: 39:06

a

Erin: 39:07

then you have it in their handwriting, too. So you have the story, you have the handwriting, you have the piece of jewelry, and who knows, five, ten generations later, it could still be passed

John: 39:16

Yeah, yeah. How cool. And they could add to it. Somebody else could add their story to it. and they could keep passing it

Erin: 39:23

because I find it more now I'm wanting to know more about family history because earlier it's like you're just growing up and you've heard these stories and you're like, yeah, I remember, but you don't remember you go to college, you have your own life. And now when it's the second season of your life, you're like, Oh yeah, where did my relatives come from? where am I from?

John: 39:43

the things that used to be important to us when we're young, fade away to the things that we, now know are important as we get older, like Aaron and I, we love to travel and, holidays come and so forth and what we do is instead of buying each other gifts or things, we gift each other an adventure or someplace to travel because memories are what stay with you forever and as you get old, those are the things that you cherish the most, not things. And

Erin: 40:11

if you ask people, what did you get last year for Christmas or your birthday?

John: 40:15

They don't remember most of the time Or who it was from, but I can tell you that, if somebody gifted, him a little trip or a three day weekend to someplace amazing,

Abigail Ness: 40:25

my Yeah. and it starts to take you, it like almost dethrones stuff because we start to, it's easy to look at stuff as Oh, it has a heartbeat. Someone needs to give it a home. Someone needs to take care of it. And I see that a lot of. that happening when it comes to like antiques and I get it like Antiques and retro items. Those are beautiful things and we don't want to necessarily destroy all of them but I just see so much I can't get rid of that because I could sell it I can make money and it just so much like a scarcity mindset. If I let go of this, someone else is going to sell it and someone else will get the money. and then it's a very, I'm an entrepreneur, so I understand Ooh, you could, sell that and make money. But if it's starting to control you and it's starting to put you in a scarcity mindset. So when it comes to gifts, the amount of mindset and brain power and. anxiety people have when they're giving gifts, man, that is irreplaceable all just to prove I make enough. So I gave you this big, gift or whatever, or I'm so creative. I made this whole thing, right? They have their whole identity in it. And it's are you giving that gift to actually just bless someone and show them your love? Or Are you trying to prove your love

Erin: 41:44

Do they appreciate it? Because you stress about what to give them with your heart. But yet, do they even go, Oh, thank you. Or do they go, Ah, here it goes. Off to the

Abigail Ness: 41:53

It

Erin: 41:53

side.

John: 41:54

But yet, did they even be their thing, where you're Sitting there going, Oh my gosh, When I get older and I pass this down, to my grandson or my granddaughter. Oh, they're going to be so appreciative they're going to value it so much. Maybe it's a car or something. Maybe they couldn't care less about old cars and they don't want it. And, a lot of times, somebody might not know because maybe they pass it down or they put that in their will when they pass away and so they don't know. But having those discussions up front and discovery and finding out. one of the last questions I'd like to ask about clutter, and decluttering and organizing if you could share just briefly how advantageous it is to hire somebody like you to help somebody declutter or organize a home based on safety, mobility in order to heal, we have to have space to heal, to move around, to walk, to recoup, to rehab a hip or a knee.

Abigail Ness: 42:54

Yeah, it's often such a. A painful process in general, whether they went through rehab and are now needing to continue the rehab. Maybe it's downsizing. Maybe it's someone going into hospice. all of those situations are painful. They're not fun. I'm going on vacation. These are quite the opposite feelings. And with the families, it can also get very overwhelming with all the decision making and let alone what's happening in the home. So having someone like myself, it takes the anxiety out. It takes the decision fatigue out as well, because me as a professional, I walk them through those steps in a very specific way, whether it's helping to clutter or move this around to make this space more safe or to have it more efficient for their specific needs, because It's so easily, getting lost in all again, all the decisions making, but there's so much going on and then the family and maybe their input. So when you have a third party come in, I'm on the outskirts, but yeah, I'm coming into the home and helping. So instead of the kids having to have all that painful conversation with the parents to decide, okay, are we going to move this? Are we going to do that? We'll get rid of this. It gets, there's gets so much animosity and bitterness, I'm able to separate that and I helped them walk through the process of again, whatever their needs are, but. I help them make the decision. Now I don't make decisions for them, but I bring up the questions like, is this really serving you? Can we maybe just hold off on ordering this so that way we have more room here? You don't have as many, packages arriving, right? You just have to look at the whole thing, but when you're in it, that's just, it gets so confusing and just so much. So I really help eliminate so much of that confusion.

John: 44:51

So mediate by, by yeah, by mediating and giving the resources or maybe the advice on how you can declutter how you can organize to make the space a little bit more open so Somebody can navigate it a little easier which I think is Incredibly important again as We never know, as we get older, we may not have, the mobility that we had when we were young. and so we do need more space.

Erin: 45:19

that are sitting here by the fireplace, and on the floor, around the corner, on the door, that you'll run

John: 45:24

are Clothes Or throw, rugs, for instance, throw rugs is a big one. As people get older, I know that people love throw rugs and, and we have some ourselves, but as we get older, it does make it a little bit more challenging, slipping hazard, and so forth.

Erin: 45:40

Is there anything specific you feel that we haven't asked that might be good advice? It might be something our aging adults need to hear.

Abigail Ness: 45:49

Yeah, absolutely. I would say... To remind the listeners that there is hope people start to get so hopeless with, again, the decisions, their situation, the amount of stuff, where they're at in life, physically, emotionally, mentally, but to know that there is hope. And a lot of times when you reach out to a professional in the industry. I'm able to help in that situation where it feels so hopeless. just make that first step and meeting with the professional and what do I do? Where do I start? And that's where you start.

Erin: 46:24

How would they go about finding an organizational professional? that's the right one for them? what do they look for?

John: 46:31

and do you do a quick phone consultation? Do you go evaluate their situation before you start?

Abigail Ness: 46:38

Absolutely. thank you for your time. I would say number one, Google it. I have my website, I'm on social media, which is Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter. And I would always say that you want to question the people like you're saying. So a list of questions, once you find a organizing professional, you can Google them if they are already legitimate. Like you look at their website, you look at their social media, you see what are they actually presenting to the world? Are they doing what you are wanting to have done, right? And maybe you don't know exactly what you have need to have done, but just making sure, okay, they have a legitimate website. So I would say then reviews, maybe look at them on a better business bureau, like just make sure they're a legitimate company because, especially nowadays. Anyone can start a company and there's sometimes no licenses you need or they don't even license their company. I'm an LLC, so I have insurance and all the things. and then the next step where you would just meet with them or you would call them. But like for me, I always meet and either meet in person. Some people don't want to meet in person, so they send me pictures and then we talk over the phone or we do FaceTime and you just find out the type of person they are. I specialize more in decluttering and helping people through that process to minimize. I do organizing but I specialize in more of that area. So when people are. trying to find a good organizer or declutter, I would suggest, when you're meeting with them, start asking them, okay, what is it about this that you enjoy? what do you bring to your table for clients? how do you organize, like what would that look like when you're meeting with someone like me? cause when I meet with clients, I. I go through that process with them. what is your end result wanting to look like? Are you wanting to declutter? Are you only wanting a beautiful organized closet? I have like this whole long list of things that they fill out ahead of time of their level of frustration with stuff. what's worked in the past, what doesn't, And then I assess from there, Oh, this is the type of project it's going to be. I would definitely recommend when the listeners are trying to decide who is a good fit and making sure that they feel safe with them do they have insurance? Do they have a contract? Like I have a contract that the client and myself sign that an attorney has reviewed and he's like stamp of approval. This will hold up in court kind of thing. and making sure all, they're a professional and caring about you enough and that you feel that energy and that vibe with them being in your home because I go into places that people don't even see, they don't even look at places in their closet that I've seen or touched or found things, right? they don't even see that. So I'm like,

Erin: 49:16

the rooms that they've kept locked for years, right? I'm not going in there.

Abigail Ness: 49:20

Yep. I don't want to see it. I'm the one who touches that stuff and they don't even, So you want to feel comfortable with them and knowing that they're having your interest at heart versus, I just want to make a buck from you.

John: 49:34

Can I ask you one last question when it comes to the aging population, there's a lot of fear there. People coming into their home, how do they protect themselves so that they don't have somebody from your company or from a different company? if something comes up missing. Or, for instance, if, maybe, that person is starting to have some memory issues, right? And, Or, they say, oh, you just take that necklace, sweetheart, or you just take that ring or something like that. Do you contact maybe the children and say, hey, just want to let you know, your mom just said this to me, and I know this is a very valuable item, How do you deal with situations like that?

Abigail Ness: 50:15

Yeah, I would suggest always having a third party in the room if mentally they are, struggling a bit more, that way there's a third party to actually see and monitor it because, someone, they could easily forget, Oh yeah, I guess we did already go through that stuff, yesterday and, Oh, you already got rid of all that stuff, That's a very tricky portion of it. So if someone is at that mental state, having a trusted family member or their caregiver there through the entire process, And to be honest, I haven't had to that level of elderly clients yet I haven't dealt in that

John: 50:58

I've had clients that have said, gosh, I'm scared to have a caregiver, a home health, to have anybody come in my home that I don't know because I have lots of items within this home that are my things that cost me a lot of money and I don't want them to disappear, walk off,

Erin: 51:14

I think one of the important things is if, say, someone's child has hired Abby to come to their home, that child needs to introduce Abby. To whatever family member it is, so they're comfortable first that, Oh, I have a family member. They've hired you for this reason. You're okay to be in the home. So I think that's really where it starts is whoever's hiring. If it's not them themselves, do that introduction. So this is a question we'd love to ask everybody because we're avid travelers. What is, what should be, or a previous experience you've had is on your adventure list. what is something you've been wanting to do or something that you loved? You're like, Oh my gosh, you guys have to do this.

Abigail Ness: 51:56

I would say one of them is swimming with sharks. I have swam with sharks in a couple of different oceans and I love it so much. It is so exhilarating. You feel like you're going to die because they're sharks, but then you realize, Oh, they're like puppy dogs. for the specific type of sharks. So that is phenomenal because you're

Erin: 52:15

in

Abigail Ness: 52:15

their world. You're just swimming with 30 sharks. No big deal. No it's a deal.

Erin: 52:19

Yeah.

John: 52:19

a couple great whites.

Abigail Ness: 52:21

Crap in my pants.

Erin: 52:22

right?

Abigail Ness: 52:23

Absolutely scary. But then the other thing is that I've always wanted to swim with a whale shark and it's so specific on you have to go during this season, you have to go to this place, but that is still on my bucket list would just be so majestic.

Erin: 52:39

But that means you need to hold your breath really well.

Abigail Ness: 52:41

yeah, you can go scuba diving, but they just go up and down so fast with the whale sharks. But, when I swim with the sharks, it was just snorkeling.

John: 52:50

Yeah, I'd be in chain mail, I'd have chain mail covering my entire body.

Abigail Ness: 52:55

body.

Erin: 52:55

like stingray, but I've never done bunch

Abigail Ness: 52:58

Stingray. Yeah. It was, it was majestic. one of the other. Suggestions that I have when it comes to doing something very adventurous is serving in some capacity in a developing country. It's it changes your perspective. It changes your mindset. going to a developing country is just, it gives you tools in your pocket to live an even better human being life and not having to focus on stuff making.

John: 53:36

Oh, Yeah, Yeah. experiences that were life changing for me was, of course, spending time in Costa Rica as well as Indonesia this last year. and How caring and compassionate people were, and how there was a sense of community and caring and helping each other, and they didn't have a lot, right? they didn't make a lot of money. it really changed my whole mentality of how I want to live, life and what's important to me, and, thank you so much for being our guest on Connect and Empower. It was a pleasure having you share tips and other valuable information for our listeners to get excited and start implementing. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Connect Empower. We want to express our gratitude to you for being part of our community, and we hope today's episode has provided you with valuable insights and inspiration to enhance your life and that of a loved one.

Erin: 54:29

We are more than just a podcast. We are a community dedicated to enhancing the lives of our aging adults and their support system. We encourage you to visit our website now at www. connect empower. com. Explore more information about our guests from today's episode and to access our free resources.

John: 54:50

resources. Our mission doesn't end at the conclusion of this episode. We invite you to take action now by sharing the knowledge you've gained today with someone who may benefit from it. Whether it's a family member, friend, or colleague, your influence can spark positive change.

Erin: 55:05

Remember, Subscribing to our podcast ensures you never miss an episode and we have more incredible guests and resources in store for you. So hit that subscribe button and stay connected with us. Your commitment is the driving force behind our mission and together we can create a movement for a brighter future as we age.

John: 55:26

I'm John.

Erin: 55:27

I'm Erin. Until next Wednesday.