BONUS *** Spilling the Tea on Dating Disasters and Financial Deal-Breakers

Ever stumbled upon a Mr. Love whose charm couldn't make up for the surprise of his...let's say, modest elevation? Amber, Nikki, and our fabulous guest Christina sure have, and we're spilling the tea on the rollercoaster world of dating in our latest gabfest. From the hilarious mishaps in online dating to the profound ponderings on soulmates and the seasons of love, our conversation takes you through the landscape of modern romance with all its peaks and pitfalls. We're laying bare our personal tales, and you might just find a piece of your own heart's story reflected in ours.

Navigating the waters of relationships isn't just about who swipes right; it's about the nitty-gritty of when to ditch the dating apps and what to do when an ex pops back like a bad penny. Trust us, we've been there—blocking numbers and weighing the pros and cons of keeping that friendship with the one who got away. And in the midst of it all, we're dissecting gender roles and cooking up a storm with the help of our trusty air fryers—because nothing says 'modern love' quite like a perfectly crisped grilled cheese.

Let's talk money, honey. Financial stability can be as sexy as a well-written dating profile, but what happens when job loss or bankruptcy strikes at the heart of a relationship? Christina joins us in unpacking the sometimes uncomfortable, but always crucial, discussions about credit scores, equal contributions, and the dream of financial self-sufficiency. So tune in, join the dialogue, and don't forget—our vibrant community thrives on your stories too.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi, this is Amber. You're one and only, and this is.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Nikki, your resident bartender, and we are sitting here with our guest, christina. Misty is out for the evening and we have a guest sitting in with us, and we decided that, since Misty's not here, we're going to play a game and it's not tattle on Misty either. The game is called Relationship Discussions. It's a card game that Amber has brought to our attention and it's just cards and basically someone reads it and then the two people that aren't reading it answer or give their opinion or whatever. But we're not going to do that. We're all going to give our opinions, but while we're, before we get into that, let's say hello to Kristina. I don't know why I want to call you Kristina.

Speaker 3: 0:44

Christina here. Christina.

Speaker 1: 0:46

Thank you for being our last minute guest.

Speaker 2: 0:48

Yes, Much appreciated. So give us a little background on you. You are friends with Amber. You know me. I am not friends with Amber.

Speaker 3: 0:57

I'm her mom, she's my mom. I met Amber at work, yes, and I'm a paralegal. I'm 43. I got four kids. Okay, divorced.

Speaker 2: 1:07

One divorce, one divorce. Okay, I just ask because you know I've been divorced twice. And then you dated someone that I know.

Speaker 3: 1:15

Yes, yeah, we both dated friends that apparently you're Douchebags.

Speaker 2: 1:20

I was going to say assholes, but cool Douchebags works too.

Speaker 3: 1:24

Oh, I was so in love with him too. Sad, total dick, I know.

Speaker 2: 1:29

He's a lovable character. Yes, if that makes sense. You know what?

Speaker 3: 1:33

He's the most amazing family. I miss his family.

Speaker 1: 1:35

See, you don't have to whisper.

Speaker 3: 1:38

Sorry.

Speaker 2: 1:39

She's new. Yeah, she'll get the hang of it. Okay. So who's going to start with their card, minor, turned upside down? I'm just going to randomly pull one. You guys can do however you want, but I feel like I'm going to randomly pull one.

Speaker 1: 1:53

I'm going to start Okay, because I pulled random. I think this is a break the ice one. At what stage of the relationship do you stop using condoms?

Speaker 3: 2:02

Oh, what's that?

Speaker 2: 2:04

It says the girl with four kids. I mean do you First?

Speaker 3: 2:12

that's my it's not, I'm not worried about getting shit.

Speaker 2: 2:15

I'm worried about the other shit. Okay, cause I can't get pregnant.

Speaker 3: 2:19

Luckily, I've been lucky Right. I think STDs are scarier as heck than pregnancy.

Speaker 2: 2:24

You're right Right.

Speaker 3: 2:25

Yeah, but if I'm being honest, I've not used very many condoms throughout my life. I was also I mean, I was married for 13 years, but still like you're drunk, you're having a good time. You, you're in the moment. You forget it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:40

Like, yeah, well, I just. It's so interesting that you said this, because there's there's some groups of kids that come in the bar and I've heard things about some of them, and like they sleep with each other's boyfriends. Now, all of them have STDs. Yeah, like one of the girls knows them and then she like spreads little, you know, she gives little tidbits of information, like oh, that girl right there. And then then her friend has it too because she slept with that girl's boyfriend and did it. And I'm just like what it's, hopefully it's terrible.

Speaker 2: 3:13

I can't remember what the hell she said she had, but whatever it was, I don't want no fucking part of any of it.

Speaker 3: 3:17

I mean, I have four daughters and I've been told that HPV is crazy as heck now, and herpes versus when, like I was a teenager or a young adult, like Chlamydia.

Speaker 2: 3:27

Yes and thank God. That's like a one pill in your diet, I think it was Chlamydia.

Speaker 3: 3:30

But like holy crap, yeah With these other ones.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Yes, yeah, it's scary. I mean, luckily I haven't had any of those issues, but then again, I was married for a long time but, things happen.

Speaker 2: 3:40

Have you given your kids the HPV shot? My son is 34, so he's on his own.

Speaker 3: 3:45

See, I denied it for my kids, and now I wish I didn't.

Speaker 2: 3:47

Yeah, I did. Can you do it?

Speaker 3: 3:48

now yes.

Speaker 2: 3:49

Okay, I have something to do with the HPV?

Speaker 3: 3:52

No, you can do it right now, okay. And let me ask because I want to like HPV, like genital warts, but it actually can create cervical cancer. Okay.

Speaker 2: 4:01

I had cervical cancer, yeah, so that's why this is all kind of ringing for me. I never had genital warts but I had cervical cancer.

Speaker 3: 4:08

It's just a symptom. Yes, yes, yes, yeah, I understood.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Yeah, so I had a full hysterectomy when I was 35. I have nothing, so that's why I can't have kids.

Speaker 3: 4:16

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:16

But I also want to be very careful with you. Know I'm not sleep. I think I told Amber this. I have never had a one night stand.

Speaker 1: 4:25

Actually, I don't think I. As we look at each other.

Speaker 3: 4:29

When, yes, you have when. I don't think so honestly.

Speaker 2: 4:34

You know what Wait? I think wait.

Speaker 2: 4:35

I don't want to put too much out there I think I retracted this too when we were talking about it. I think what I said was as an adult, when I was a younger girl, I went through a lot. My mom died when I was 16 and I kind of went a little crazy and I probably did have sex with people that weren't my boyfriends, but I was in. It wasn't like a wham-bam, thank you, ma'am and I never saw them again kind of a thing I've never done that. You kept going back for more. They kept coming to me for more.

Speaker 1: 5:02

What are you talking about? Oh yeah, I had a hysterectomy too.

Speaker 2: 5:06

You know, you heard the last episode. I swallow bitch Situationships.

Speaker 3: 5:09

I had a total hysterectomy at 30 as well See.

Speaker 2: 5:12

Yeah, so you know Okay.

Speaker 3: 5:14

It throws you through a loop. It's scary, though, being a parent with kiddos.

Speaker 2: 5:18

Right, and you have three girls, or four girls, sorry, and what are their ages?

Speaker 3: 5:22

25, 23, 20, and 15. Oh shit, okay.

Speaker 1: 5:26

Yeah, so you just buy. Let's not be in any buyer kid's condoms, no, seriously.

Speaker 2: 5:31

I did.

Speaker 1: 5:31

Yeah, I don't have any problem with that?

Speaker 3: 5:33

Yeah, yeah, I had to just be honest and say whatever you guys are doing, let's come to me because I'm going to be mad either way, but I'm going to help you either way, right, so I'm going to be mad.

Speaker 2: 5:41

Or if you had sex and didn't have a condom, yeah Right, yeah yeah, but if it, does happen.

Speaker 1: 5:46

Please come tell me if you have any symptoms so we can take care of this.

Speaker 2: 5:49

Right before you start spreading it around Old Town Saloon Fuck.

Speaker 3: 5:52

And then I say Google the blue waffle. And then you, oh my God.

Speaker 2: 5:56

What's the blue waffle? Shut your face right now.

Speaker 1: 5:58

I don't know, do not.

Speaker 2: 6:02

Maybe you should, so I don't. I was a house mom for Sigma Chi and I was at a house party with these kids and their kids. They used to come in the bar and they're like mom, mom, blah, blah, blah, and they were talking about the blue waffle and I'm like what? I had no idea what they were talking about. Are you mumbling it? One of them, one of them is like Google it. So I fucking Google it and I threw my phone down. I'm like what in the fuck is this? And they're like yeah, and I'm just like what? So now, then it was a joke. Like then we started doing it to people, like it was me and another girl that worked at the bar. And then people come in the bar. I'm like, hey, you know what a blue waffle?

Speaker 2: 6:35

is and they're like no, is that a drink? I'm like no, Google it. And then I'd watch their face. I would even like sometimes we would record them looking it up and then when they saw it, they were like your. Your reaction it is Yipes.

Speaker 1: 6:48

I didn't think it was real. So everybody needs to Google blue waffle.

Speaker 3: 6:51

Oh my God. And then I'm like, uh warning, yeah it's good, it's gross, yeah Warning.

Speaker 1: 6:57

Okay, so I won't do it. No, it's not a blueberry waffle.

Speaker 3: 6:59

Warning you don't want to eat, it Do you?

Speaker 2: 7:02

Definitely not, definitely not. Okay, well, while she's doing that, I'm going to pick another one here.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Let's see.

Speaker 2: 7:08

Sorry, guys, you're fine. Have you ever ghosted someone or been ghosted by someone after sex? If so, elaborate.

Speaker 1: 7:17

I've definitely ghosted.

Speaker 3: 7:20

I totally have.

Speaker 1: 7:22

I mean it's like fuck, what did I just do?

Speaker 2: 7:25

But yeah, I would say is it cause the sex wasn't good or there was no attraction, or?

Speaker 1: 7:31

maybe a little bit of both. Like you're embarrassed, like what the hell did I just do? I really wasn't interested and I'm sure that happens all the time. I'm sure I'm more of the like. I'll sneak out in the middle of the night type of chick.

Speaker 2: 7:45

We know.

Speaker 3: 7:47

I'm not even getting to stay in the middle of the night. I'm out before that.

Speaker 1: 7:51

I like to be put to sleep.

Speaker 2: 7:54

I bet you by being socked in the face, help me out here what does that mean?

Speaker 1: 8:00

I mean, I hope you like yeah, you knock out, oh okay.

Speaker 2: 8:03

I'm just like, I don't know. I'm thinking like rub my butt, put me to sleep. Okay, we talk. Goes that too? So that's a yes for both of you. Okay and you? Um, well, like I said, I I've only had sex with people that I've had like a relationship with after, and it may not have been like a sexual relationship, but we still were friends or however it worked out. So I've never know.

Speaker 1: 8:29

What about, like, let's talk about ghosting when you're just like talking to somebody on a dating side, or every day in my life?

Speaker 3: 8:36

Yeah, cause, as you get going, you're like, oh, what the heck? No, thank you.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Yeah, red flag, red flag.

Speaker 3: 8:41

Yeah, gotta go.

Speaker 2: 8:44

And it's usually like after I've met them, you know cause. You know you've been on dating sites have you been on dating sites? It's not. I would say 90% of them, and the women too. This is not just men. You meet them and they don't fucking look anything like what they or their height.

Speaker 1: 9:00

That is the number one thing, oh men freaking lie about how tall they are yes, they do, yes, they do. I will say that, Mr Love, because that's my nickname for him. I was like, oh, at least you're a good five eight, solid five eight. You're not like five six.

Speaker 3: 9:13

Yeah, he's, he's fine. That mutual person told me they're five, 11,. Bro, you are five six.

Speaker 2: 9:18

Oh, he's shorter than me. Yes, oh shit.

Speaker 3: 9:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:21

But you were with him for like how long?

Speaker 1: 9:23

I know four years, so I guess it didn't matter.

Speaker 2: 9:27

So you? When you met him, he was shorter than what you thought. Yes, you met him on a dating website.

Speaker 3: 9:32

No one of my friends was like hey, I've always been kind of like in love with this guy, but I have a boyfriend. You should go out with him, cause I was dating another toxic dude. I'm dramatic, so that's okay, but I'm still wait a minute.

Speaker 2: 9:46

you lost me at this girl was in love with him, yeah, but she had a man.

Speaker 3: 9:50

And so she was like you should go, and I'm like that's weird. And she's like no, I'm so in love, you go Okay.

Speaker 1: 9:56

All right, whatever. So then she's. Then she's fantasizing about your man, where you're dating him.

Speaker 3: 10:02

Well, her brother was their boss.

Speaker 2: 10:05

Oh shit, okay. Well, when we get done with this, I want to know, cause I'm pretty sure I know who their boss was. Yes, so okay.

Speaker 1: 10:12

All right Interesting, so it's very interesting.

Speaker 3: 10:14

It's Christina's turn. Oh, do you believe that you only have one soulmate? Wow, it's tough one, right? I actually say no. I say no.

Speaker 1: 10:26

I think we live and we learn, and it's just finding who's right for you.

Speaker 3: 10:30

I think there's different seasons. I mean, when I was 20, what I thought was love and the person for me it was definitely not the same now, and so I feel like I had like my husband was my soulmate, and that moment in boyfriends later on maybe have fulfilled other areas in my life and I felt like we were connected on a different level. So I think we have different soulmates.

Speaker 1: 10:54

I can agree with that, because I feel like Russ came into my life when I needed him the most and showed me what love was and patience and how to be a strong, independent person, although I'm like what the fuck was I doing? Yeah, but I wouldn't change it. I think it's maybe a better person.

Speaker 3: 11:11

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 11:11

Maybe a little bit more cold-hearted, but it is what it is. The right man will love me for me. How about you?

Speaker 2: 11:17

I disagree with both of you because I well she knows there's someone that I feel like he is my soulmate. I feel like I will never love anyone the way that I've loved him and I. He's recently come back into my life, which was my doing, because I reached out to him when I was down south and that's where he lives and it's a very weird and strange relationship and I don't know what's going on in his life, but he is trying to not pursue me but come and visit me and I don't really know how I feel about that because I don't know if I'm ready to open that door again, because it really, really hurt me and I don't know what his situation is. I've got to mess with your emotions, for sure.

Speaker 2: 12:04

Oh, for sure.

Speaker 1: 12:04

Definitely.

Speaker 2: 12:06

I mean, I've kind of had a situation, ship like that, so he proposed to me when we were together, but I was so angry with him that I had told him. He came to my door with his kids, yeah, and he had just gotten out of rehab. What the fuck?

Speaker 2: 12:21

Yeah, he had to go to rehab for his job, because he had gotten a DUI and he was a police officer and so they made him go to rehab and while he was gone at rehab he had told me that he had so much on his plate he didn't want to see me anymore and it broke my heart. So I started dating someone else immediately and this dude was at my house and he came to my door, knocking at my door with his kids, and I just opened the door and he's like he gets down on one knee and I'm just like what are you doing?

Speaker 2: 12:48

And then he's like I love you and I want you to marry me and I was like I can't and I just shut the door in his face Shut up.

Speaker 1: 12:54

What the fuck? You shut the door. How did that make you feel?

Speaker 2: 12:59

It made me feel bad, but at the time I felt like he deserved it because of the shit that he put me through, you know. And then, looking back, like now, I'm just like what the fuck did I do? Because I feel like ever since then my shit has been fucked up, Like I have had every fucked up relationship that there could be, and that's the person that you feel like you've loved more than any other person.

Speaker 3: 13:22

Do you have somebody that you love more than any other person?

Speaker 1: 13:28

No, I mean, I would have done anything for us.

Speaker 2: 13:33

But there still could be another person out there that you would do those things for. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:36

I definitely feel like people. Like Christina said, people come into your lives at different chapters and for me, I think I haven't I've held onto Russ for so long that I for me to move forward. I need to let that go. So and be open.

Speaker 2: 13:53

I'm open to it. I would love for someone to come along and change my mind. I would love for that to happen, but as of yet it has not. And for four years I didn't speak to this person because I was trying to just distance myself and because of the situation that he was in, I really didn't want him around. He had done something to upset me again, and so I put a lot of distance between us for four years but when we were in LA.

Speaker 2: 14:17

I called him because he manages a company that it was something that I wanted to show my friend, and so it didn't really work out. While I was there he actually was the company was closed and he wasn't doing work for them at that moment. He still works for them, but I can't name any names, so I'm trying to like go around.

Speaker 1: 14:34

You called him because you needed something and it was an excuse. No, it was actually.

Speaker 2: 14:38

I did call him because I needed something and I know that he would do anything for you.

Speaker 3: 14:43

Sounds like her heart won't let her.

Speaker 1: 14:46

let it go, no matter what I think it just has to be the right person that comes into your life, that makes you want to change. That's what I think.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Right, well, again, I haven't seen that person yet.

Speaker 3: 14:56

So yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:58

I've tried.

Speaker 1: 15:01

Well, I mean only time will tell. I mean fuck, I'm six years after us. So it just takes time. All right, next card. Yeah, you next card. During what stage of the dating process do you cut off all other sexual partners?

Speaker 3: 15:18

Ooh, Answer this, amber, yes, please do.

Speaker 1: 15:24

You guys are fucked up, I guess, once you both Are saying that you only want to spend time with each other, yeah. I mean, I don't want to lie and I don't also don't want to be sleeping with multiple people at the same time. So I think once you get across that boundary you kind of like stick to that person.

Speaker 3: 15:42

You know if that's Maybe one, you know you have more of a connection with see, cut them off sexually, but do you still talk to them on the phone or text or yeah, do yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Well, in my current situation, question. Yeah, no, in my current situation, like as soon as he was like I only want to give you my time and my effort and I don't want to talk to nobody else I Was receptive of that and I'm like, okay, I could do the same thing. I delete the dating apps, I block some numbers because I don't need that being a distraction if I'm really going to try to make something work.

Speaker 3: 16:18

So that shocked the shit out of me that you did that. I know, I know, yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:23

I don't think you're the only one that was shocked.

Speaker 3: 16:26

I don't do that. I have people still that will message me. It's hard, like I mean obviously I, I love my boyfriend. I would never. I mean I'm the luckiest person, genuinely, he's great to me, but it's difficult, like when they, when they reach out to you, like not everyone deserves to be blocked. I think right.

Speaker 1: 16:43

I think it's just a distraction, and for me, I Just would rather not deal than deal with it or be distracted, because all it takes is One thing to be said or one thing to be well and I think it depends on, like, what part they played in your life.

Speaker 2: 17:00

If they were some dude that you were sleeping with, okay, but like it was someone that you were in a relationship, you had good times with you. You know what I mean. You could still have a friendship with. That's something different, right?

Speaker 1: 17:11

Yeah, but let's. Here's another topic. Do you think your other half would be okay with you being I? Would, friendship with somebody that you were sexually involved.

Speaker 2: 17:21

I'm already gonna tell you know, I wouldn't no way. No, I don't think it's fair.

Speaker 1: 17:25

No, I mean, maybe if it was Baby mama from ten years ago, now they're cool, you have a good cold parenting Like. I'm totally cool with that, as long as there's, if I feel a certain way, that I'm gonna express that and I'm gonna say, hey, I'm feeling this way when you guys, when we are around her, or Whatever.

Speaker 3: 17:42

I get pulled in because of my job, so Everybody wants advice. How do I file this document with the court? What do I do next? And so, like that's how they like trick you well, not trick you, but like that's how it gets the conversation Restarted right. Can you help me?

Speaker 1: 17:57

Do I have rights, you know, cuz I'm a paralegal, so it's hard because me and Christina are both very friendly and outgoing and we have dirty mouths. So you have a dirty mouth. I mean, that's what he said. But you know, and I think that when you there's certain conversations because we're already like that, it Opens other doors to be be that way. You know what?

Speaker 3: 18:23

I'm super honest though I will tell my boyfriend, hey, just so you know so-and-so, text me and he tells me the same. He's like, hey, and I'm like, oh, and I'm like, are you okay? Do you need to talk to that person? Do you feel okay?

Speaker 1: 18:33

I'm not, yeah, jealous or insecure, but I have been jealous and insecure in the past, in past relationships that's where I think it comes in too, if you can openly discuss and communicate how you're feeling and Not be like, oh my god, I shouldn't say that because he's gonna get upset. Right, cuz I don't want to be with somebody that's gonna get upset, I want to say, hey, so-and-so, text me. Yeah, it shouldn't be a big deal.

Speaker 2: 18:55

But like I don't know, I just feel like I Guess it just depends on who it is to. Like I Told you, I went through someone's phone. I've never done that before. I went through his phone and I saw something and I was like what the fuck? And that was the last time I saw that motherfucker.

Speaker 1: 19:12

If you look, you're gonna find something.

Speaker 2: 19:14

I realize that, but he was not my boyfriend. As you know, for a year he was not my boyfriend so situation ships, yeah, but like we did everything that boyfriends and girlfriends would do, but he wasn't my boyfriend and he made that clear. But then he started like doing things that were very boyfriend-ish. And then he made a comment to me about you know what, if I wanted to start dating someone and I was like, well, why wouldn't you fucking date me? I'm right here.

Speaker 3: 19:37

Right, you know what?

Speaker 2: 19:38

I mean yeah, so I've been there before that, yeah, yeah it was shitty.

Speaker 2: 19:42

And so we went to get in the shower and I fucking looked through his phone and I was like, oh, this is why. But I've never in fucking 52 years Well, I was 51, so never in 51 years had I ever done that. I will never do it again. It taught me a lesson and that I needed to learn, but I didn't feel like I could trust him and obviously I couldn't, so I just need to go with my gut feeling. So I guess it would be a situational thing Like it depends on who's texting you.

Speaker 2: 20:06

You know is it, your ex-girlfriend from fucking middle school. Okay, yeah, I mean. Whatever I mean. What's the context?

Speaker 1: 20:13

Right, you know somebody out of the blue. It's like hey, how have you been, cause I have a lot of guy friends.

Speaker 3: 20:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:18

You know what I mean. And text messages or just different people in my life. I don't want to be like, oh my God, I need to delete that text. There shouldn't be nothing. I'm saying that's inappropriate.

Speaker 2: 20:27

If you want to look at my phone look at my phone and I feel like I would never do anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't do right in front of their face. So definitely.

Speaker 3: 20:36

Yeah, you know, my parents are deceased and my grandma, she's 87. And she says, if you're going to go through someone's phone, you're going to find some stuff you do not want to see. She was 100% correct.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Yeah, I agree, I agree I found some stuff.

Speaker 3: 20:52

Because it's not necessarily what's there.

Speaker 1: 20:53

It's how you take it.

Speaker 3: 20:55

It is Because sometimes texts I mean just in you and me texting it'll come out the wrong way you know.

Speaker 2: 21:01

Oh, it wasn't the wrong way. This motherfucker was talking to this girl exactly how he was talking to me when we first started talking, and so the things that he said and was doing. She was like oh, thank you for the flowers and taking me to lunch. Yeah, and that's how he had gotten me. He brought me flowers and took me to lunch and I was like I'm reading this and I'm like, oh, I see you, oh, I see what you're doing here, sir, yeah.

Speaker 3: 21:21

Yeah. Fuck you Fuck yourself.

Speaker 2: 21:24

And I basically told him well, good luck with that. He didn't know that I looked through his phone when he said he was what if I want to date someone? It was very un-lady-like of me, but I said who the fuck would date your fat ass besides me?

Speaker 1: 21:39

I was like what the hell did you say that for? That's not very nice, I know, I was so mad.

Speaker 3: 21:45

You just said I'm glad about this.

Speaker 2: 21:47

I was mad, I was hurt. I was an Alice, my friend Alice. She owns a bar here in town. She's one of my really good friends. She's 70-something years old and when I told her that, I said that she looks at me and she goes you are a lady and you don't speak like that.

Speaker 3: 21:59

And I was like I felt like I was being scolded by my mom. I was like sorry, alice, I won't do it again.

Speaker 2: 22:05

She goes you should never do that and I go. I know, but I was so mad she goes, it doesn't matter, you should have just walked away. And I was like you're right, Because what did it get me? In the end, Nothing.

Speaker 1: 22:14

Right, I don't want to be with somebody that's going to get me out of pocket. I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be an asshole.

Speaker 2: 22:20

I want to be who I am.

Speaker 3: 22:22

Absolutely, and you should be able to be yourself.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Yes, yeah, definitely All right. Next question I got the next card.

Speaker 2: 22:29

A man pays the bills and feels like his partner should do all the cooking, cleaning and everything, even though she has a full-time job. Is this reasonable? Explain? He can go fuck himself.

Speaker 3: 22:42

Oy, I'm a little old school, I don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning and plus I don't want your ass in my kitchen because you're going to fuck it up anyways.

Speaker 1: 22:51

So Teamwork around this. Motherfucker. If I don't feel like cooking you better go and get us dinner or something.

Speaker 3: 22:56

But my man's not paying all the bills either.

Speaker 1: 22:59

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:59

Absolutely, but when I was married, my husband did pay all the bills and I made sure the house was clean, the kids were taken care of and dinner was cooked, because he provided for us. Did you work then too? No, I was a stay-at-home mom for six years before.

Speaker 1: 23:14

I owned my salon.

Speaker 2: 23:14

I feel like that's different because you're a stay-at-home mom. That is your job. Your job is to clean the house and do the dishes and feed the kids. That is your job. You don't have a job. This is saying you have a job. So, in your relationship now, does your partner work yes, ok. And you work yes. Full time yes, both of you, yes, ok. So if he expected you to do all those things, the word expect go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3: 23:39

Ok, that's what it says, right, man?

Speaker 2: 23:42

Yeah, he feels that his partner should do that. Yeah, I think we are all in agreement there. I thought it would be interesting to hear you guys is what you're about to say?

Speaker 1: 23:50

I mean, even if I'm home all day taking care of the kids, which there has been times, being married, that I wasn't working. Sometimes I don't want to cook Fucking. Throw some meat on the grill, I don't know. But there was never any issues.

Speaker 3: 24:04

Sometimes, though, he'll sit there and I'm like what are you doing? Well, I didn't know if you're going to cook dinner, you're just waiting for me. Go in there and make something. You got two hands and two feet on the floor.

Speaker 2: 24:14

Yeah, my first husband was like that. Like he expected, I packed his lunch. I worked too, but I packed his lunch.

Speaker 3: 24:22

I made dinner.

Speaker 2: 24:22

I took care of the kid, I did all the things, but my second husband was an oil driller, so he wasn't even home for two. He was gone two weeks home two weeks, so I didn't like that. That's exactly what I like, ma'am the space.

Speaker 3: 24:35

Yeah, I don't like this.

Speaker 2: 24:36

It gave me time to miss you. I do not want you all up in my shit and, like you said, or one of you said, I don't want to be doing shit for you every day. You're a full ass, grown adult.

Speaker 1: 24:47

I'm not a babysitter.

Speaker 3: 24:48

I'm not Straight up. I think it's different now too, because I'm 43. And I've only been with my boyfriend for one year. So when you're younger, when you're like 20, you have this idea in your head that you have to be like this housewife, like your mommy and daddy were you know if you had a healthy family, right, you know? And then, when you get older, you're like bro, like where are grown ass adults.

Speaker 2: 25:08

Bitch you're your own.

Speaker 1: 25:09

Take care of old shit. Yeah, I got a million things going on in my head. I can really take care of myself, let alone making sure you're fed, right.

Speaker 3: 25:17

And you're a laundry, you should be treating me yeah shit.

Speaker 1: 25:20

Can you bring something home from dinner for dinner? Right oh yeah, yeah, I think a lot of people do, do do that.

Speaker 2: 25:26

You know what I mean. Yeah, I mean I don't know. I don't know very many women that have full time jobs and also do all the shit at home too.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Yeah, I mean, like even my dad, like he's old school and he's been with his wife forever, she used to be more like cook every night, do his lunch, stuff, like that. But I think now, as time's gotten, you know, as they've gotten older and life's busier, even though she still doesn't work, it's like they're going out to eat every night, right, but I mean my friend Lisa.

Speaker 2: 25:55

That's how they are.

Speaker 1: 25:56

She does everything from scratch, every little thing.

Speaker 3: 25:59

That's how I am. Yeah, yeah, I don't use boxes. No box food. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 26:04

Mike, what can I throw in the air fryer? Actually, cooking tri-tips in the air fryer are pretty good, by the way, really, yeah, super quick.

Speaker 2: 26:13

Never thought, no lie, that scares me Girl, try it. Do you have an air fryer.

Speaker 3: 26:17

Yeah, but I don't use it. The kids use it for tater tots.

Speaker 2: 26:20

Right, I was just going to check on what do you make in there.

Speaker 1: 26:22

No, like I've started to learn how to use it more and I'm like I buy the little tri-tip steaks, I put them in there and like 10 minutes are done.

Speaker 3: 26:29

I make bruschetta in my air fryer. That's about all. I make Bruschetta. You don't know what bruschetta is.

Speaker 1: 26:33

I know what bruschetta is, but it's not cooked, no, it's.

Speaker 3: 26:36

so you get like sourdough bread and dew butter garlic salt bake that. Yeah, and then I make my tomato garlic, basil. All that on the side.

Speaker 1: 26:45

So you put the sourdough bread in the bread. Yeah, the first thing I ever made in the air fryer was a grilled cheese on sourdough Bahamas fuck.

Speaker 2: 26:51

It's kind of like the Starbucks one. That was the first thing you made in the air fryer, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:57

This was like a long time ago, ok, two years ago, well, I just never have even made one.

Speaker 2: 27:02

I put chicken in mine, I make chicken, chicken strips, that's what I make in my. I don't think I've done. I've made maybe broccoli or Brussels sprouts in there, but I have a. It's a ninja one, so it's like yeah, so it's also like an Instapot.

Speaker 1: 27:16

Mine has a different lid for it. Yeah, that's what my mom has.

Speaker 2: 27:20

Yeah, I've never used the insta-pot part of it because I have an insta-pot too, because I have enough kitchen gadgets to kill someone. Is it my turn?

Speaker 3: 27:28

Oh is it.

Speaker 2: 27:29

Oh wait no it's Christine.

Speaker 3: 27:30

Try to take my turn over here. Okay, true or false? If a man is not financially stable, he should not be dating.

Speaker 1: 27:38

True Stability is key. If you're not stable, I don't, you know, want to. We're too old for that. When you're young and you're dating, it doesn't matter. You can grow together. But being 40 years old, nope, I already have my shit.

Speaker 2: 27:51

But wait, you make these posts saying I'll grow with you, I'll da da, da, da, da da. I've seen?

Speaker 1: 27:58

yes, I will grow with you.

Speaker 2: 28:00

Okay, you better be stable, so let's say you marry mr Love and he loses his job.

Speaker 1: 28:08

Well, for already together it's a little bit different.

Speaker 2: 28:10

Okay, go out there and loses his job tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 28:13

Oh, you're putting me on the spot and that's not nice. I'm not trying to be you better hustle and go get another fucking job.

Speaker 2: 28:21

I feel like most men would you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 28:24

I feel like if they do not moving in with me, right?

Speaker 2: 28:26

you can't pay your bills right and I feel like, if they don't have a job, I know they're not.

Speaker 1: 28:30

This too.

Speaker 2: 28:31

Yeah, I feel like if they don't have a job, they're not gonna get a job, but if they lose their job and it's their job to be Any man wants to be the provider. Yeah don't want the woman making more. They don't want the woman do it. They don't want that. Okay, it's very demeaning to them. So if it's not demeaning to them, then I feel like they have a problem.

Speaker 3: 28:49

I think the keyword was man in that sentence, because that same mutual friend didn't have a job for three months and I had no idea, and that we had been together for four years.

Speaker 2: 29:00

What was he doing?

Speaker 3: 29:02

He was on the corner someone else. He was at Old Town. No, he was doing someone else. That's what he was doing and get his bills paid. And I was paying, I was giving him half my rent money and then no yeah, yeah, you got kicked out sure did, because he wasn't using the money to pay the rent. So I now have like a requirement you must be financially. I want your FICO score to be over 750 or, do not bother me, my FICO score is above 800. I expect yours to be the same.

Speaker 1: 29:33

Yeah, I mean Credit is important. I just don't. I don't have like a requirement.

Speaker 3: 29:39

I do now because I got screwed.

Speaker 1: 29:42

Well, yeah, I mean, but obviously you guys were able to buy a house together. I'm more like, if you pay, can pay your bills, that's as long as you're stable. No I ask me for money, don't you? Know, yeah, for sure I mean if you've fallen hard times and we're together for a year, then like that's a little bit different, but Not right away.

Speaker 3: 30:01

Well, being divorced too. So I was 34 when I got divorced. My FICO was a 435. Yeah, mine was fucked up and it, the first divorce kicked my ass to get back to where I'm at. I mean, I had to pay on stuff that was like Way old just to get where I'm at that probably didn't even belong to you stupid second chance finance credit cards just to build up.

Speaker 3: 30:20

So no it. For me, yeah, that score is important because I busted my butt to get there. Yeah, yeah. I do think, though, financially, like if, if he lost his job, like he would naturally go and get a new one right, that would be your hope.

Speaker 2: 30:35

You know what I mean, that's what and that's what any man should and would do. I would think I just I have to ask these hypothetical questions Because I mean, like it could happen, it could happen to me, it could happen any of us. You know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 30:48

I think I'm gonna go stand out on all of a 99. I'm gonna bring me home some money.

Speaker 1: 30:52

I mean, I think maybe I doesn't bother me as much because, like, I filed bankruptcy three years ago, so I'm like shit fucking happens. That was the hardest thing for me to do Was to file, because I felt like I was giving up everything that I worked so hard for, but it was so easy to build my credit back that I Mean, I think, my crud's maybe even better than it was. I'm glad you found it easy because, yeah, I was my shit, but it was.

Speaker 2: 31:16

I mean fuck, but did you file bankruptcy?

Speaker 1: 31:19

No See I think that's where a lot of people mess up too is like cuz, you're like trying to struggle to get ahead and pay these bills off. And Mind you had two incomes and we had I had a credit card for every goddamn store that there was $2500 a month in car payments and Harley payments like it was crazy. And I paid for that all by myself for two years after he died. And when I saw my bank account and I was like where's all my money? Like that was scary.

Speaker 1: 31:46

So I talked to a financial advisor and he told me what to do and it was the best thing that happened, honestly, because what the financial advisor told me was you can tread water, but how long can you tread water? Sure, and that's what I was doing. And so, filing, I cried to the attorney. I'm like, oh my god, what am I doing? And he's like I promise you this is you're gonna feel so much better and it was very nice, although I have credit cards again and that's not nice, I mean, what the fuckers? But it was really easy. Within a year my credit score was back up. That's insane, yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:24

I feel like I worked for years on.

Speaker 3: 32:26

Yeah and bankruptcy has always been looked at as like a no-no Right, like it'll screw your credit for, you know, seven years.

Speaker 1: 32:32

I could buy a house. The attorney told me he's like after two years it won't even matter.

Speaker 2: 32:37

Hmm.

Speaker 1: 32:38

I mean, obviously it probably make my rates a little bit higher. He's like, but you'd be able to the credit card offers I was getting, right after car loan offers, everything After the bankruptcy, because now you have no financial right. So they're like ooh, come here.

Speaker 2: 32:51

Yeah, and they're like. You have the propensity to get into yourself in trouble.

Speaker 1: 32:54

Come on, yeah, well you look at my credit history and I had no late payments. I had great. It was obviously something happened to my life, right, and that's why I filed. So I think maybe every situation is different.

Speaker 3: 33:05

Are your interest rates higher after bankruptcy? I?

Speaker 1: 33:11

Don't have any. I mean credit, credit cards or credit cards. They all have crazy I mean. But I had get zero percent for 18 months.

Speaker 3: 33:18

Look at you.

Speaker 1: 33:20

And then I got my car right before I filed bankruptcy and I went in there. I had no job. No, I mean I had income, but my credit was so good because attorneys like you can't keep both Cars because they're under the same loan. He's like you need to go get a new car. And I'm like I mean have a job. And I went in there and I told the finance guy and I was like, hey, this is what I'm doing, filing bankruptcy, but I need, you know, I need to get a new car because I I'm not gonna be able to keep these said, okay, I gave him $2,000 down, I showed him my driver's license no check subs or nothing and and okay, you're the anomaly, or however you say, yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:59

You must have. That's crazy, yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:02

So I mean, to me the cold credit thing doesn't. I'm like gotcha, it doesn't matter. I Mean, I'm gonna say I want a relationship, though I do think it matters.

Speaker 3: 34:12

I don't need you to necessarily make more. Do you need your man to make more than you? That's a good question. That's a that's a crazy question, right? Because some men don't like women to be more powerful financially than them.

Speaker 2: 34:23

Yeah, and I don't know, I don't. I don't need him to make more than me, but I need him to have a retirement and some sort of fucking benefits because this girl has none. Yeah, this girl has none. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3: 34:36

I mean See my husband paid the mortgage and I paid the PG&E and stuff. But my boyfriend wants everything 50, 50 down the middle. Shit's different.

Speaker 1: 34:45

Yeah, see, and I think if a man makes more, see, here I'm gonna if a man makes more than he should pay a little bit more, right, but I'm like if I made more, I just wanted to be 50, 50.

Speaker 3: 34:58

My man makes a whole another person salary more than me. I'm still fit, but it's okay. I make great money. I'm fine, yeah. But yeah, things are way different when you get older and you're dating. Definitely, yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:10

I just, at the end of the day, I just want somebody that can pay their way. Yeah, that's all I want. I'm good with that.

Speaker 3: 35:16

But I think it was very fun, had fun. Thank you so much for inviting me. I had the greatest time yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:22

I think I mean. And don't be afraid to leave comments. Email us, message us.

Speaker 2: 35:27

We're open to all topics and to my friends that message me and text me and DM me on Facebook. You can say something on Facebook. You can message me on Facebook if you have a topic or a question or something you want to. And I want to give a shout out to my friend, nicole, that just started listening. Nicole, thank you, I love you, your text was amazing and I appreciate you. She said she feels like she's sitting around gossiping on the couch with us when she's listening.

Speaker 3: 35:55

I love it Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 35:57

Yeah, definitely Nicole Rivera. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 36:00

So I will say, since you're shouting somebody out, there was somebody in my Raiders group. It was a male. He came up to me and whispered in my ear and was like hey, I undercover listened to your podcast and I was like, yes, I love it, you know, because you know guys want to know how girls think too. So, hey, why not Join us, like I want? We need a male.

Speaker 2: 36:20

We're gonna have a male on yes, yes, oh you have to, yes, you have to and I don't.

Speaker 1: 36:26

I don't think we can limit it to one person. I think we can have multiple guests.

Speaker 3: 36:30

Yeah yeah, definitely the more the merrier in some instances.

Speaker 1: 36:36

All right with that, we are out, you guys.

Speaker 3: 36:40

So we're gonna say, roger, that Roger, that am I allowed to say, roger, that?