Stuck Mindset to Growth Mindset

Dive into our latest chat on 'Stuck Mindset to Growth Mindset' – it's all about getting past those mental roadblocks and gearing up for growth. We're talking easy, real-world tips to shift your thinking and kickstart your success. Tune in, get inspired, and let's grow together!

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Transcript

00:00
Your brain, it knows when you're making it up or when it's looking at a tangible thing. And so if you're just daydreaming, it's not likely enough to keep you out of a negative mindset. But physically being able to lay your eyes on the things that you want for your future, it tells your brain this is possible. Welcome to Velvet Ventures, where we talk about life, marriage, and the pursuit of entrepreneurship. I'm Ben. And I'm Chani. Business Health Market, better known as BHN.

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00:57
Welcome to the episode guys. Today we are gonna talk about stuck mindset or a negative mindset, sometimes known as limited mindset. We're gonna talk about what it is, our thoughts on it, how we've avoided it or grown out of it and where we maybe still sometimes struggle with it. So what is a stuck mindset? I think it's pretty self-explanatory in the, when you're stuck in.

01:25
you know whether that's a poverty mindset, whether that's a victimhood mindset, you're stuck in a mindset. And so I think first order of business is figuring out that you are and then owning up to it. Yeah, and just, I mean, it's like with anything once you realize you have a problem then you can work on the problem but if you don't know that you're stuck in it then it makes it a little more difficult I think to work on it so realizing you have it.

01:54
Yeah, and we definitely had it. I mean, and I think we still have areas that we struggle with stuck mindset. And some of it comes from like a lack or a fear. And so that can be sometimes, you know, a lack in the faith that we will be provided for or a lack in our own skill and confidence for a particular job or task or whatever. And then other times, I just think it's, I think it stems a lot from inadequacy.

02:23
feeling like you're not enough or not having enough confidence or at least that's what it comes from for me. And so typically I don't feel like I get stuck in this negative place or negative mindset unless I'm doubting myself. Do you experience the same or like where do you think yours comes from? I think my stuck mindset's a little bit different in that mine is more of a comfort mindset. You know, like I typically

02:53
I typically don't feel like I get stuck in perpetual negativity. I go through bats of it, but I don't feel like I get stuck in perpetuity in negativity, but what I do is once I get comfortable, I'll get stuck in the comfort is my pitfall. You resist the change? Yeah. Well, and it's just, if I'm going to do something that's changing, I want to calculate that.

03:22
change or that risk. Which is probably why God put you and me together. Yeah. So we can balance each other out because I'm very much a... Impulse. Yeah, I like change and I don't like research. And so I need you to kind of walk me down the cliff and take the stairs instead of just jumping. And sometimes you need me to just push you off the cliff because there's already a safety net down there. Yeah. Well, and I think for

03:54
I think it's where we still have room to improve is understanding that and figuring out how to communicate better that one of our questioning the other or bringing up maybe holes in the argument, it's not an attack, but more of this is where my mind's at. I was listening to Bob Golf's podcast today as I was driving.

04:23
and he was talking to uh Sadie and Christian Huff the Duck Dynasty anyway um and they Bob said something to them like he said one exercise that he likes to do is draw me a picture of yourself where you're at right now where you think you're at right now emotionally um and so anyway it turned into a longer discussion but it's just an interesting thought process where you know what

04:52
being able to show someone where you're at because I think that when we have those kinds of discussions just more about This is where I'm at and you could say I'm at I'm here because this is exciting and whatever and then I can say well, I'm here because Blank and so I think our personalities gravitate towards those two different things but understanding that You know, we really need to come together in order to execute it

05:21
And so when I think it's very easy to get stuck in a negative mindset, if you don't open yourself up to experiences like I know for us, you know, when we were building the businesses and really struggling financially, it was really important for us to put ourselves around the people that we wanted to become. And so whether that was happy families, whether that was healthy marriages, whether that was, you know, wealthy people, it was.

05:50
really important for us to see the possibilities. And when you're just creating these things in your head, your brain has a little bit of a trigger. It knows when you're making it up or when it's looking at a tangible thing. And so if you're just daydreaming, that's great, but it's not likely enough to keep you out of a negative mindset. But physically being able to lay your eyes on.

06:14
the things that you want for your future, it hits a different portion of your brain and it tells your brain this is possible. Well, I think the other thing that's just as important as that is removing yourself from, and that could be people, it could be places, like, you know, if you go to a certain place and it's, if you're having the same conversations with the same people about the same problems, then you're...

06:43
Probably everybody in that conversation is in a stuck mindset. Yeah. We used to go to this little hole in the wall bar and we used to go every other weekend, basically based on our kids' schedule when we were kid free. And I really did not wanna let that place go. Like it really had a hold on me. It's where I felt important. I liked that when I walked in, people knew my name and they asked how I was and they wanted to know about me. And then...

07:13
I fought you tooth and nail moving away from that place, not going back to that place. And then eventually I kind of just gave up on it. And then I went back about a year later, I was in the area I stopped by and it was literally the exact same people talking about the exact same things. And it really just kind of proved to me that I was right.

07:38
You're constantly right. So that doesn't prove anything. I already knew that. I already knew I was wrong. But no, it just... Honestly, it was really encouraging for me to see how far we've come. Because it didn't hit me the same way. And I haven't been back since. And I haven't even felt like the urge to go back. Like I'm not missing anything. Because it's like a time vortex. Nothing changes.

08:07
So I'm not missing it because I've already experienced it once. Yeah. Well, I feel like it was a good season, you know, and I think that, which I think we all do this, we romanticize the past. And so I think that for us in that season, it was very hard to let go because yeah, there's this level of like, they know who we are, they know what we drink or what we want.

08:35
and all those deals and it's like... When I just had huge FOMO. Yeah. Like massive FOMO. Yeah, because there for a little bit, it was like, it was excessive amount of going. And honestly, it just burned me out. And that's the main reason. Like I think our lives would be different because I probably wouldn't have stopped smoking. I probably, we would probably still be there. Like there's just a lot of possibilities if I hadn't gotten burned out.

09:04
Yeah. And I got so sick of that place and I got so sick of going that this is where our personality is with the change is that I don't love change because when I make a change, I make a very drastic change. So for me, change is a big deal because it's not just like, Oh, I changed deodorants, you know, or, Oh, I really like this now and I'm going to start doing that, like that happens. But to me, I'm like.

09:31
That's just part of life. That's not changing for me. Change for me is like, I've smoked for, you know, 20 years, 15 years, whatever it was. I'm going to stop tomorrow and you know, whether it could be drinking or it could be watching things or ingesting certain kinds of TV shows and stuff, it's just like, I'm done, you know? And so for me, change is, it's, it's very real and it's forever.

09:57
You know, for the most part. If I'm done with somebody, with a relationship or friendships or whatever, it's just like, okay, I'm done. One of the ways that I have really been mindful of getting out of a limited mindset or a stuck mindset or whatever, the negative connotation you want to make with that is books. Although youth believe them to be crap TV, and they are, I...

10:25
some of the shows that I watch, I try now, if I'm going to have something on just in the background while I'm working, I like to have people that have things that I would like to have someday. So they have nice homes, they have happy marriages, they have opulent wealth, they have multiple businesses, they have those kinds of things, because scientifically, science proves that what we focus on

10:53
we attract and it's not because there's this big like buzz word manifesting right now. I don't believe that manifesting something is real. I think that these are all blessings from God, but I do believe that based on what we focus on in our conscious mind, not our subconscious, we are able to see opportunities that we weren't able to see when we are not thinking of those things. It's kind of like the, what's that?

11:20
Science thing where you buy a car and then everybody has the same car as you that's what I was looking at before we started I can't remember. It's a two word to last name deal, but it's it's a something something phenomenon Yeah, but yeah, basically it's you know Once you start thinking about red hats you'll start seeing red hats and this is what you focus on, right? They were always there and they were always there at the level that they are there now It's just your brain is now consciously thinking of it not subconsciously and so it's

11:49
pulling that, recognizing it and allowing you to like, oh, I actually see that red hat. Well, it's like, I mean, for instance, with Benson's, I've been a member of some of these groups for a long time, but until I was looking for ways that I could serve or ways that I could help people, I didn't realize it was, I just, another needy person, another needy person, another helpless person. And until I changed the way I was looking at it and the way I approached it,

12:19
Now it's like I get on to do business. You know, like I'm on social media, I'm on Nextdoor, I'm on these places doing business. And both, you know, six months ago it was there as a time kill. Right. Well, I think it's probably helped you see a little bit more, cause like my morning routine, I typically try and do most of my social media stuff in the morning and at night. But like during the day, I'm not on social media rarely ever. I am...

12:48
doing admin or manual tasks. And I feel like back in the day, you'd see me and I'd send you TikTok videos and sometimes it probably felt like, oh, here she is just like screwing off for the first three, four hours of the day and she keeps sending me TikTok. When really I'll send you something that I do see when I see it, but I'm also researching companies, I'm looking at what the industry's talking about, I'm looking at the trends, I'm looking at what people are sharing.

13:16
And so it's probably helped you understand that side of what I was doing a little more. Because I think sometimes it wasn't I didn't know how to explain it either. No, not necessarily, because I think we still approach that very differently. I think what has helped me is. Is it just grow? It's just spending time and being conscious of.

13:42
you don't work like I work and I don't work like you work. And, you know, and it's the same thing. Cause like, yeah, you know, back to the TV show and stuff, like I, I agree and I understand the premise behind the goal, but it's wrapped in so much drama.

14:01
sure that i cannot get on board with it regardless of what i don't expect you to watch it with me i think it's also an outlet for me to have drama but not actually be going through drama and that's just my thing is it's like because i don't understand drama yeah it's like my novel and so to me i don't i can't see all that stuff really because it's like it's a sliver it's a sliver of what this show is i mean i would disagree i understand it's what you can focus on correct

14:31
my perception of this is that there is more drama than there is worth. And so to me, even if that was like a 40-60, if it's 60% drama and that stresses me out, I'm out. And so because I just see there's so many other things that you could ingest that are in the background that I find to be more soothing or whatever. And so...

15:02
I think for me, it was just kind of understanding that and figuring out a way of like, how can I basically become okay with it and how can I, because again, it's just, it's a process and there's not like this magic like, well, as long as you tell me everything you're doing throughout the day, then it's okay. It was like, no, that doesn't matter. Like you, neither one of us should have to report to each other. Sure.

15:30
But getting out of that mindset of either one of us are just screwing off because we're not doing things the way that we would do it or the other person would do it. And so that kind of stuck mindset of if you're not doing it the way that I would do it, then you're not doing it. Yeah. Well, and that almost kind of plays into like a victimhood mindset because when I...

15:54
get stuck in that and I feel like you're not working how you should be working, even though who am I to tell you how you should or shouldn't be working? When I get stuck in that, it's because I feel taken advantage of or I feel abandoned or I feel these things that a victim would feel. And that's not what you're doing. I'm choosing to take on the role of a victim by the mindset that I'm choosing. And we've talked about this before with the victimhood posting for jobs or for resources or for all that stuff.

16:24
100% believe that if the people making those posts could change, could one, accept that they do have a limited or negative mindset at that time, which is difficult to do when you're in a negative mindset. I 100% understand because these are, you fluctuate in and out of these. It's not like you wake up tomorrow and say, you know what? I'm done having a negative mindset and you never go back to it.

16:48
Like you get, you have to catch yourself constantly going there and pull yourself back out. And it just takes practice and it gets easier and easier. But I mean, we still struggle. I mean, I have days that I struggle several times a day. Well, and I think the other thing that people could do to kind of become self-aware of that is, and I try to practice it, is if you know something is a, for lack of better terms, a trigger for you, like

17:17
just try to avoid it. Like we won't, I try very hard to not get into any kind of like deep conversational pieces or any kind of deep topic before we go to church in the mornings. Because inevitably like we may get on a subject that we, there's a chance that we'll get on a subject that we disagree on and then it throws off.

17:41
the next couple hours or something, or if we're fixing to go somewhere. Where we can't talk all the way through it. Right. Or if we're fixing to go, like if there's a timeline on what we're doing next, I've learned with us that we shouldn't touch on that set. So, I mean, there's been a couple of times when it's like, Hey, look, we can't, like we need to leave in 30 minutes or 20 minutes, or I'm trying to go to bed. Like quit, quit diving into these super deep things, like make notes and we can talk about it some other time.

18:10
But if it doesn't have to be addressed right then, like if this is just like, Hey, I have this idea for this next business. Like, cool. Take notes. It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm going to bed, you know? And so I think it's just being respectful of like, whether that's, I need to go to bed or I want to be respectful of the time that we're about to go spend at church or with family or at someone's birthday or, you know, whatever. It's like, I'm not going to start anything.

18:38
that could lead because again, we know each other well enough. I could set you off in two seconds and you could get at me like that. And sometimes I think that it's like, I'm feeling frisky. I want to bring up this thing that I know that stresses this person out or anyway. So I just, I think it's one thing to be very conscious of like, whether that's your surroundings or time restraints or things of that nature. Like just, just don't do it. Yeah.

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19:42
Get ready to supercharge your business and unlock your full potential with Gallery Flow CRM. For more information, there's a link below this episode. Well, Anne, like, so once you can be more self-aware and realize when you're in a negative mindset or not, like, so the people looking for resources are for work. If they were able to remove themselves and kind of like, you know, look at this from up above, outside of themselves, and say, what's gonna get me a better?

20:11
reaction or a better result. Me talking about how badly I need this thing and how, I mean really all that's doing, especially when you're talking about work, you're saying here's how irresponsible I have been. Please give me work. Instead you could remove the victim and say I'm really passionate about this. I have these skills and I have this many hours in a week. I'm really ready for my next opportunity.

20:40
you're asking for the exact same thing. You're just doing it in a completely different way, and you're gonna get a completely different result. Because what happens a lot of times on those posts that take the victimhood approach, they do get given resources, even if that's not what they're asking for. If they're saying they're behind on utilities, people are pointing to them to the utility forgiveness programs, not actually providing them work. Whereas if they said, I'm really passionate about this, I have these skills and this is how many hours I'm looking to make this much money.

21:10
then people are giving jobs and opportunities. And so that's because of the mindset that's being presented with the information. And it's showing what you're ready for and ready to receive. When you're not portraying yourself as ready to receive and ready for that responsibility, it's probably not gonna be given to you. Well, and the other thing that I've come to realize is that whether you like it or not, everybody's a salesman because you're either selling a product, a service or yourself.

21:40
when people are asking for those kinds of hands-outs, you're not thinking like a salesman. You don't walk into a store and they say, hey, we're really low on our quarterly sales. Would you please buy these pairs of jeans? They're not selling. So can you help me out so I can get some quick, that's not how it works. You need to provide a service or you need to provide value.

22:01
I see these kinds of posts on TikTok too, like, oh my small business and there's a girl in the corner crying, my small business is going under, please buy from my online shop, I just really don't, not sure how I'm gonna take care of X, Y, and Z. Well, it's probably because you got a crap attitude. Right. And it's really hard to support somebody when they walk around with a crap attitude. Well, and it bleeds, you know, people notice. And the other funny thing about like that is people will...

22:28
They'll get super excited. They'll start a business because they have three or four people say like, you should totally start this. They do that. They do all the things to get it up and running and they don't do any kind of market research or how do I then fulfill orders or how do I do this? Or they just don't prepare themselves that it might take a few months. Or years. But my thing is, is then all of a sudden it becomes a run against the clock to sell things. It's like, I didn't do any of this forethought.

22:58
And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, now bills are due or, oh, now I have all this inventory. Holy cow, I need people to help do this instead of like spending time figuring out like what is your systems and processes? What is your marketing? What is your message? When anything business wise, it is not reasonable to expect an immediate result. Like if you just launched a concept and nobody's buying and you're a month or two in, you're

23:25
It doesn't necessarily mean that your concept isn't valid. It might mean that you're not talking about it enough. It might mean that people don't understand what you're doing. And it might mean that people just want to see if you're going to stick it out. Because most of the time, it's why banks don't loan to brand new businesses. Because 80% of businesses that are launched fail within the first three years. The other 20% that's left, only half of them make it to year 10.

23:54
So the fail rate of small businesses is huge. And that's, you know, a lot, sometimes it's the concept, but most of the time it's because the person didn't have the gumption to keep going. They had the negative or limited mindset and they didn't believe in their opportunity enough. And so that because they didn't push the needle forward, the needle never moved. Yeah, well, I think it, again, it just all boils down to, just about anything in life is realistic expectations. Because again,

24:24
You see someone get viral on TikTok and they're selling a crazy amount of these hats on their TikTok shop and it's like, well, I can do that. And it's like, but you don't have their story because no one's buying because John makes a good hat. They're buying because John has been telling a very good story probably for the last six months to a year. Now you're seeing it because they see the algorithm and it's being pushed to you. You weren't searching out John's hats before you saw his video had.

24:52
you know, 400,000 views and you're like, I do hats too. Yeah. You know, and that's the irritating part is people don't know what went into it beforehand. Or they just think you're an overnight success. Nevermind the two years it took you to get overnight. Yeah. Well, and so anyway, back to like those posts that people do, you know, the thing is, is like, if you were, I've seen a couple of guys that do this where they'll just get very specific and say, I...

25:21
You know, I'm, you know, whatever. They say, they don't do it in this order, but basically, I need to make it $200 this week, I'm raking leaves. Right. It's fall. I'm raking leaves, I'll do it for 20 bucks a yard, or whatever. But they're just, they're very specific. They're not like these posts where I can do anything. Right. I'm looking to make some money. Yeah. Like, okay, well, that's not very- And you know why though? Why that works? Because when you say anything or whatever, that's a limited mindset. You're saying-

25:49
that if I limit myself to just yard raking and I put a price point on myself, then people aren't going to want what I'm offering. So I just need to say anything. Like, no, no, no. This is when it's okay to niche down. Tell exactly what you're willing to do, at exactly what price, and the people that are willing to pay that and need that will reach out. Right, well, and two, the more I study marketing and stuff is,

26:19
If I was that person or like with Benson's and stuff, it's going to be where I'm going to start implementing very specific things, but that's not all we do. That's all this ad is talking about. It's like McDonald's, for instance, if you watch one of their ads, their ad is not, we sell all kinds of burgers and different sizes of fries and drinks. You should come eat at our location. No, the ad is very...

26:45
dialed in on the Big Mac. Or no, it's very dialed in. Now they have 38 commercials. Yeah. Well, and that's also because they branded themselves when they started and all the way into the late 80s, early 90s. It really wasn't about the food. McDonald's and Burger King had this big giant fight, you know, ad fight about who had the better burger. McDonald's didn't care. McDonald's said, we don't care if we have the better burger, we have the better and faster service. Right.

27:13
and that is their brand. And so now when they advertise their food, they're standing behind the brand that already existed, but they took years to develop that. They're not saying, please come buy our burger. It's on special, cause we don't know if it'll sell. They're saying it's what it is, the McRib. Half the people hate it. Half the people love it. McDonald's doesn't really care one way or the other.

27:38
I mean, that's why they took it away for years. They didn't care that some people liked it. And that's why now they're going back to doing it once a year. Cause they don't care that some people don't. Yeah. Well, and I sent you a video of that. Um, he's the brand builder guy that salt and pepper hair guy. Um, but he had a very good point where he goes, you know, someone had messaged and told him, quit referring to Apple, tell us other ways that branding works. And he said, I'm going to ask you to draw a picture of ketchup and draw a picture, a picture of French fries. And he said, 80% of you.

28:09
When you drew a bottle of ketchup, you drew Heinz on it. And the other bit, when 80% of people, if I told you to draw fries, you drew a red carton with a gold M on it. Just like if you were asking, that's branding. Because whenever you are sitting there saying like, I'm hungry, what sounds good? A burger. Most people are going to just go McDonald's. Even if that's not what you actually wanted, then you may extrapolate into local places or whatever. But when you think about that, just like when you think ketchup.

28:37
you think Heinz, then you can go on past then, but that's the branding. And I think that that's what people, when they're doing their ads, and it can be as little as some 17-year-old who's looking for some Friday night movie money during the week, and it's very specific. I will come and rake your yard for $20. I have the best rake. I put it in the best trash bags. You don't ever have to worry about it. I'll even blow out your flower beds.

29:07
that's what's going to sell, not I do yard work. Because someone's going to see it. Because again, you could have a thousand people look at that and then you'll have like three or four people that will message and say like, do you do leaves? And then they're like, yeah, I do leaves. Or there's going to be the same amount of people that see your thing and those three people are saying, I need leaves done. So you still have the same amount of people, but it's that stuck mentality of I have to appeal to the masses.

29:33
Yeah. And so, I mean, I think a lot of this stems from our actions out in society, right? Well, they've kind of scientifically shown that the pattern goes from your thoughts to your emotions, from your emotions to your actions, and from your actions to your reality. And so,

29:51
that's where the philosophy of manifesting comes from, is if I think it now, it becomes real. That's not necessarily the case, but you can kind of backtrack. If you don't like your reality, what actions are you taking? They probably need a change. And if your actions are coming from fear, or from lack, or from hate, or from these emotions, then you need to change your emotions. But it's really quite easy to change your emotions most of the time, unless you're dealing with something like grief.

30:20
Those those kinds of things are different depression, you know, those are different but they come from thoughts So I can sit here and I can say that I feel abandoned or I feel like you're not taking care of me But that's a thought that I completely control because it's creating my reality It's not what the reality actually is and honestly reality is whatever we decide it is

30:42
That's the truth. And so I can sit here and I can decide that you're not a good and loving supporting husband, or I can sit here and say, I don't know why I'm reacting this way, but I know that my husband is loving and caring. And so there's something inside of me that needs to adjust, not that you need to adjust yourself to the reality that I've created. And that's what I think a lot of the struggle is, is people believe that, well, this is my experience.

31:12
Fantastic. The only person that's true for is you. It doesn't change anybody else. Yeah. Well, the world is what it is around you. You don't have control of that. Right. But you have complete control over your thoughts. Yeah. And how you respond to them. And just quit blaming people. Right. Just to prove how fake reality is, I mean, let's look at the concept of money very briefly.

31:39
Money only holds value because we all agree that it holds value. Because it's not backed by gold or even gold. We decide if it's worth more than a concrete rock. Like it's this is all made up. It's all made up and we have the ability to change our mindsets on what we're going through and what we're experiencing and decide that anything in life is figureoutable if we really want it to be. Well,

32:08
And it's all about perception because I was listening to an interesting deal the other day that was talking about the perception of crude oil and whenever, I can't remember which president it was or who was in power at the time, but they made it seem like crude oil is from fossils, which is why it's fossil fuel, and that there's only a finite amount of the earth. But in reality...

32:36
it will continue to create itself. It's like rain, you know? And so there's not… It's a naturally occurring substance. Right. There's not these empty pockets of the earth because I think that that's the mental image that people have is you have this… … the earth and we're pulling oil out, which is then putting voids, which is then what they're doing. They're injecting salt water and different things in there, fracking. Right. But…

33:01
That's not what it's doing. They're not replacing a void per se because if you were to dig a hole deep enough, water will start just coming up out of the earth into this hole. And oil does the same thing. It's naturally occurring. But because they can make money off of it, they put a supply to it. And it's the same thing with gold. That's why gold is expensive because just like diamonds.

33:27
Because they're so few, they're worth more. That's why it's worth more than concrete. Is because it's a lot harder to get. You can't make gold. It is a natural precious metal. But if they were to come into a giant thing of gold, like yeah, the value goes down. Yeah. That's like when we created our money press. The value of the dollar went down because now they can just...

33:53
I mean, they have just free reign. They print money literally every day. And every day that they print money, money gets less used by less values. Yeah. It's so funny, cause I posted on TikTok and we'll kind of close this one out with this story. I posted on TikTok and we only have like 68 followers or something like that on Dallery right now, cause we're just starting that channel. And I posted about how we trade a lot of services. And

34:22
We exchange time for time because that is something finite that's not made up. And I mean, it is still made up, I suppose. But I digress. And so instead, you know, we've got small business owners that see the value but couldn't afford the CRM. And we decided, well, if we can trade, how about you put our Christmas lights up in exchange, we provide these services back to you. And I posted a video about that, and it is blowing up like crazy.

34:52
Like, I didn't take any time, it was just off the cuff, like I don't understand it. But there's a lot of people that agree with these, with your thoughts, with your mindset, when it's spun in a positive way. Because that video could have been posted in like a, everything nowadays is so expensive, and it just, I can't believe this blah blah blah, and it probably wouldn't have had the reach that it has. But because I came into it like, hey, both parties are benefiting here.

35:19
And because both parties are benefiting, like look at this awesome exchange that we get to have with several business owners. And I think people resonate with the positive mindset. I mean, obviously you've got the negative content that gets a lot of views, kinda like you pass a car crash, you're gonna check and see what happened. But when you stay stuck in that, you're gonna just limit yourself. Yeah. That.

35:46
any last tips to pull out or? I think it's just about my biggest piece of advice is whether you're a stay at home mom, you know, single, married, anything, doesn't really matter who or what you are, like just do some self evaluations. Like if you're not happy with what is going on and not like...

36:08
If you're not fulfilled. Right. If you're not feeling fulfilled and you're feeling like there's something missing or that just nothing ever goes right or you don't ever get what you want and you know, woe is me. Everybody's out to get you. Just do some honest internal reflecting and figure out what is, what is that one consistent thing in your life, whether that's a friend, a family member, a place you go, a church, your job, like whatever that is.

36:38
Do a deep dive, figure out what that is, and then figure out how can you eliminate it if that's what needs to happen. Because you can't, it's not, it's not always possible to say like, man, I really, my friend is such a bad infant, like we were so great, but now, you know, they've gone down this dark path and they're bringing me down with them. I'm going to change that person. Yeah.

37:00
Like you are damaged yourself, like you're in no position to try to seek out this person who is not wanting to be fixed. That's like trying to help an anchor swim. Yeah, and so I think that by realizing that, you can remove yourself. And that doesn't mean that you have to stop loving that person or whatever, but it's like, you know what, maybe we don't hang out all the time. And that family member, like maybe you don't go to Thanksgiving with them this year. Maybe you do, but you sit on the other side of the house. And so...

37:29
removing yourself or removing that negativity that keeps you in this perpetual motion of round and round and round and round. Figure out what that is and then figure out how you can start to change that and whether that's like I said a job, people, whatever. And if it's stuff in your house like these things cause me more stress than joy like get rid of it you know.

37:58
And yeah, because I think that doing that first is going to be more sustainable than like well, what would make me happy is going on two vacations a year? Sure. Like sure, but like let's be real. No, I think it's self-realization and then putting on armor. Yeah. Read books, watch movies, watch videos, watch TV shows that are going to inspire you and motivate you, not drag you down. Yeah. And that's different for everybody. Like you watching my stuff, it's just going to drag you down. Whereas for me, it uplifts and inspires. And so I think just.

38:29
self-actualization and making sure that you are really diligent. Being intentional about your surroundings and what you're ingesting. And be okay to sit in the silence. Figure out, learn how to be okay with not being entertained. Because I think that that's what it is. It is this fear of missing out. It's this, I mean, if you always feel worse after getting off of Instagram, delete it from your phone. If you...

38:58
If it makes you, if it's not adding value and joy, then I would look at figuring out how you can remove that from your life. You know, until you've either became strong enough that now you can enter back into that relationship or enter back into that world. But until you're strong enough to do that, like you can't, like if you're an alcoholic, like you probably won't go to bars.

39:20
for a long time or just be in general vicinity of where people are just openly drinking. If you're that kind of an alcoholic, like you have that self-realization that like I can't, I don't trust myself and I'm not going to put myself in a position to be that tempted for no reason. And so I think it's that way with anything. Look at it from that perspective of why would I put myself in the position to fail. Yep. But.

39:49
Good talk. Yep. Thanks for listening. Bye. Thanks for turning in to the Velvet Ventures. If you'd like more information about who we are, what we do, or you wanna follow us or any of our companies, then feel free to check out the link below. Other than that, thank you so much to our sponsors for making this episode possible. See you next time.