[00:00:00] Monica: welcome friend. Today's episode is all about rest and self care and to be honest with you, it's something I've struggled with from time to time. You see, for a long time my self care practices weren't really about caring for myself, they're about something far more deceptive and insidious. But before we begin, let's take a long, slow exhale together.
[00:01:29] Now just between you and me, I have a tendency to overwork. Especially because I love what I do. But that can make it hard for me to rest. And so for a long time, I considered rest a reward for my hard work. For a long time, I treated self care as a way to help me achieve more. For a long time, I considered self care as an essential ingredient to being more productive.
[00:02:00] For a long time I was using self care to not really care for myself, but to provide the fuel so I could keep going and going and going. Now on the surface, this might not seem like a problem, but I was only really resting and caring for myself so I could work harder. It wasn't really about honouring my body.
[00:02:23] The driver behind my self care was to make myself more productive, to achieve more. And I think this is common for people pleasers and conscientious people who derive a sense of their self esteem in what they do or how productive they are. This all came crashing down for me. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2015, I had this stinging sensation in my breast that hurt when I put my seatbelt on or when I lay on my chest.
[00:02:55] And I didn't think much of it at the time as I was young, fit and healthy. But because my mom and aunt both had breast cancer and went and got it checked out, and after a series of biopsies, it turned out that stinging sensation was just a benign cyst. But in the process, the doctors also uncovered ductal carcinoma, or breast cancer in the duct.
[00:03:19] It came as a huge shock to me and was really shitty timing as I was going through a messy divorce and my dad was dying of cancer. That diagnosis rocked my world because up until then, I thought I was invincible and that I could treat my body like a robot. I felt like my body had failed me, that it had let me down, and it took my own mortality scare to really take my health seriously.
[00:03:46] And to start to listen to the needs of my body. I think up until then I was doing it in a very superficial way. This forced me to go really deep. I learned to say no, and I said it often. And it was such a relief to do what I wanted, knowing that I had a great excuse to get out of obligations that I didn't want to do.
[00:04:09] Because up until then I'd feel guilty for saying no, as deep down I was still a people pleaser, and more worried about other people than I was about myself. Cancer put a stop to that, and it was then that I really started listening to my body and honouring my need for less. Honouring my need to slow down, and letting myself do nothing.
[00:04:34] And for the first time, it didn't feel selfish or self indulgent to spend a day in bed, or hours on the couch watching Netflix. And I think for many of us, we just keep going and going and going, until our body says no. And then we feel disappointed with our body. And that's why burnout and chronic exhaustion are on the rise, because we can't say no, we can't stop, and we're not really caring for ourselves.
[00:05:01] self care isn't about getting our hair done or having a spa day. Self care is about doing the things that support our physical and mental health. And often those things aren't glamorous. Healthy self care requires us to check in with our body, and honoring its need for rest. It requires us to check in with our heart and honor our feelings no matter how uncomfortable they are.
[00:05:28] And healthy self care requires us to be with our thoughts even when we want to run from them. So if you have a hard time slowing down and taking care of yourself, this episode is for you my friend. I think underneath my desire to keep going and going and to only rest because it made me more productive, arose from a deeper wound of not feeling good enough.
[00:05:50] I think most people can relate to not feeling good enough, and so many of us overcompensate for that core wound by keeping busy and over functioning. I think that was the case for me. I derived a lot of my sense of worth from my work and helping others. And there's nothing wrong with that, except if we neglect our own needs in the process.
[00:06:14] I had to learn that my self worth had nothing to do with how busy or productive I was, and it wasn't tied to my ability to cross things off my to do list. Practicing deep rest and honoring my body's needs has been pivotal in my healing. Learning to slow down and tune into our body can feel really foreign and even uncomfortable, which is why I'm gonna guide you in this practice as the more we rest the easier it gets. So find a comfortable position, somewhere to lie down, on the floor, on the couch, on the bed.
[00:06:51] Bend both knees and have your feet lying flat on the floor.
[00:06:58] Rest your arms by your side.
[00:07:04] Keep your eyes open.
[00:07:09] Now without moving your head, gaze all the way over to the left. As far as you can see, without straightening your eyes.
[00:07:27] Without moving your head, gaze all the way over to the right. As far as you can see. Take
[00:07:41] your gaze all the way over to the left again.
[00:07:52] And then back over to the right.
[00:08:02] Now bring your gaze back to the centre. Just gazing straight up at the ceiling.
[00:08:11] And try to go into your peripheral vision. What I mean by that is, without moving your eyes, just notice everything within your field of vision.
[00:08:24] Notice everything you can see without moving your eyes.
[00:08:38] Now allow your eyes to soften, perhaps even close your eyes if that's comfortable.
[00:08:48] Now pay attention to everything you can hear.
[00:08:55] Listen to everything going on in your environment right now.
[00:09:18] Now feel the sensations in your body.
[00:09:30] Feel the floor beneath you.
[00:09:37] Feel the clothes on your skin.
[00:09:40] Feel the air on your skin.
[00:09:47] Now feel the rise and fall of your breath.
[00:10:05] Feel the coolness of the inhale.
[00:10:24] And feel the warmth of the exhale.
[00:10:26] Feel your ribcage expand and contract with your breath.
[00:10:53] And feel your belly rise and fall with your breath.
[00:11:18] Now try to make your exhales twice as long as your inhales.
[00:12:00] And do this in the easiest way possible.
[00:12:10] There's no need to be an overachiever with your breath.
[00:12:26] And when we deliberately make our exhales twice as inhales, it calms the nervous system, creates a sense of safety in the body, it calms the mind.
[00:12:41] So let your inhale happen naturally. As you make your exhales long, slow, and smooth.
[00:12:59] And continue to focus on your breathing, those long, slow exhales. As you slowly roll your head from side to side, there's no rush,
[00:14:00] the slower the better.
[00:14:07] Notice all the sensations in your neck as you slowly turn your head side to side. Now
[00:14:12] bring your head back to a neutral position, and bring your arms down by your sides.
[00:14:49] We're going to do some gentle movement with our breath.
[00:14:58] So on your next inhale, Raise your arms overhead and rest them on the floor behind you, and as you exhale, lower the arms back down by your side.
[00:15:15] On the inhale, raise your arms up, and on the exhale, lower them back down.
[00:15:26] And try to synchronise the movement in time to your breath.
[00:15:30] And if it feels okay, you can make those exhales twice as long as the inhales.
[00:15:45] Now relax the arms down by the side.
[00:16:19] And take a moment to rest. Now
[00:16:22] take your arms out wide, like a T shape, so that your hands are at shoulder height. Keep the knees bent, and walk your feet so that they're hip width distance apart.
[00:16:54] And slowly move the knees side to side like windscreen wipers. And synchronise this movement with your breath.
[00:17:06] Long, slow exhales.
[00:17:13] Make sure you exhale completely,
[00:17:29] there's no need to rush.
[00:17:36] Slow is good,
[00:17:44] and as you roll those knees side to side, notice the sensation in your hips, and your bottom, and your lower back. Pay attention to any sensation in the body.
[00:18:16] Now return those legs to a neutral position, and let yourself rest.
[00:18:50] Let your breath be easy and natural now.
[00:19:00] And when our nervous system's dysregulated, everything feels urgent. We feel rushed, hurried, or that there's never enough time. This is not true. You have time.
[00:19:35] You don't need to hurry.
[00:19:41] Nature doesn't hurry.
[00:19:50] Rushing and hurrying only deprives us of the chance to be present.
[00:19:54] And each time you inhale, imagine that you're drawing fresh prana or energy into your body. And as you exhale, imagine that you're releasing not just carbon dioxide, but all the stress and tension from the week.
[00:20:22] Inhale to draw in fresh energy, exhale to release all the stress and anxiety.
[00:20:40] Now allow yourself to rest in any comfortable position. Eyes can be open or closed. And breathe your natural breath.
[00:21:14] Let yourself be breathed,
[00:21:27] allow your breath to just happen to you.
[00:21:41] Rest your mind on that peaceful rhythm of your breath.
[00:22:03] And there's no need to strive or work harder. You're doing really well.
[00:22:23] Let your breath be your only concern right now. Trusting that by taking care of yourself, you'll make it easier to take care of everything else.
[00:22:46] Trust that being with your breath will help you tap into a wellspring of radiance. Vitality
[00:23:27] and wisdom,
[00:23:28] and our body's whole great wisdom.
[00:23:45] Our body is the gatekeeper of much of our experience, and we can honour that by slowing down.
[00:23:56] But when we're too busy, we lose touch with our body, we lose touch with ourselves, we lose our purpose.
[00:24:07] You're doing really well.
[00:24:17] When the desire to get up and do something productive arises, just acknowledge it. It's an old habit that tricks us into thinking that our worth is measured by how much we do.
[00:24:49] If you feel bored or frustrated, know that it's the old patterning that conditions us into thinking we need to be productive 24 7.
[00:25:24] You're doing a great job, caring for your mind and body.
[00:25:40] And when the desire for rest arises... You don't need to push through anymore. You don't need to force yourself to keep going. Honor the call for rest.
[00:26:17] It's safe for you to slow down.
[00:26:44] It's safe for you to rest.
[00:26:50] Letting yourself be is incredibly healing.
[00:26:54] Allow your breath to breathe life back into your weary bones.
[00:27:16] Breathe life back into your achy muscles.
[00:27:25] Breathe life back into your soul.
[00:27:27] Returning to that calm rhythm of your breath. Over and over.
[00:27:46] Allow your mind to rest on the rise and fall of your breath.
[00:28:01] Allow your breath to breathe space into your mind.
[00:28:26] Allow your breath to create lightness in your heart.
[00:28:38] Allow your breath to fill you with a calm, loving radiance.
[00:28:43] And there'll be moments in your life where you feel too busy to rest. There'll be moments that it feels too hard. Or that you can't. Let your breath guide you to that resting place.
[00:29:16] Follow your inhale and exhale as you find your way back home.
[00:29:32] Let yourself rest.
[00:29:40] You're doing a great thing for yourself. And your mind and body will thank you for it.
[00:29:54] Till next time my friend.
[00:29:56]
