One way to stop feeling guilty about drinking again

We all do it: say we want to be healthy, then hit the drive-thru. But guess what? There's a fancy term for that struggle, it's called cognitive dissonance – your brain is in a tug-of-war between what you think and what you do.

This episode dives into why this happens and how to bridge the gap between your values and your actions with more ease (and less guilt!).

We'll talk about:

• Why you might hold two opposing truths
• Practical steps to gently shift your behavior

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Transcript

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What's up with this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality of ours? How can we desperately want a change, but are pulled in the opposite direction of what we want on the daily, and self sabotage our goals? We want to eat healthier and at the same time we order pizza. We want to quit drinking and at the same time we order cocktails at dinner. It's crazy making behavior and it's perfectly normal human behavior. We'll dive into why it's perfectly normal human behavior and what we can do to shift it gently. Join me in the show. Who else wants to live a healthy and clean lifestyle and also loves queso and margs? Do you ever think I must not be doing enough because I give in to every whim, desire, and craving? Never fear, my dear. You are not alone. This is a perfectly normal human behavior, and we'll get all into it in today's episode. It is so normal that it even has a name. It's called cognitive dissonance. And cognitive dissonance is described as the mental discomfort people experience when their beliefs and actions are inconsistent and contradictory to what they really want when our behaviors don't align with our values and values are a very important point. Because at one time, drinking margaritas, eating queso might have aligned with your values or, you know, it wasn't even that big of a deal. Having fun, hanging out with your friends in college, eating queso, drinking Marx on the porch. You didn't have another thought about it. Or if we want to pull this into relationships, maybe your current relationship, it was aligned with your values that you had in the past, but it's not aligned anymore. Or maybe your job, your current profession. It's It worked well at one point, and now it just doesn't. But guess what, babe? We are allowed to change. There are some areas of our life that we really struggle to change. We can feel the resistance when we're trying to change. And there are other times in our life that we change without struggle, without actually even recognizing that we have changed. Because it's so small, the change is in such tiny increments, one little micro decision at a time until we're a different person. And that's what typically happens when we're in this midlife, is that one day we wake up and we're like, who am I? These things that worked for me in the past aren't currently working for me now. I. e. your relationships, the way that you feed and fuel your body, the way that you move your body, your financial decisions. We wake up one day and we just want to burn it all down. So let's take a deep breath, like always, and recognize that this is our moment. This is our choice point where we get to make different decisions with fun and with vitality and life within us. But until we recognize that we are a different person, if it's dramatically different or just slightly, That maybe we aren't aligned with our behaviors and that we need to update our beliefs and values from what they were 20 years ago to what they are now, because until we update our beliefs and values, decisions can get really challenging because your brain sees the benefit of two choices. One way to think of cognitive dissonance that really helped me feel more sane is you can hold these two opposing things as truth. It is true that you don't want to drink because you want to feel better in the morning. And it might also be true that a glass of wine or a cocktail at dinner Relaxes you. And when we feel and see this dichotomy of wanting to opposing things as bad or as horrible or something that is wrong within us, it will make you feel hypocritical. It may make you feel anxious and regretful and shameful and stressed out and angry, or more specifically, you could actually have these thoughts of I'm unlovable. I'm a bad person. I'm a failure, I don't deserve happiness, and I'm not important. And when those statements are on repeat, babe, it sets up a cycle where you seek out comfort foods and this immediate gratification from alcohol or the wrong relationship or whatever it may be. But as always, I say healing is through self awareness, recognizing it's normal to hold these two opposing beliefs. And for there to be two absolute truths for yourself can help resolve this thing called cognitive dissonance. This awareness can help shift your belief from weighing heavier on one side to the other. It can inspire change without struggle or willpower. And each time we shift the mind out of this negative and narrow minded thought and belief, like feeling shameful and regretful for eating queso and margs, even though we started a diet that very morning, it moves you from this limited option, this fight or flight response that we get within our body and in our mind, to a more broadened mental capacity. And ability to problem solve creatively in a more peaceful, emotionally regulated state. And we'll get all into emotional regulation at some other point in this podcast, but this will lead you to take radical responsibility. And we can only take radical responsibility from this peaceful, emotional state, or otherwise we'll get in the shame guilt cycle. But when we take radical responsibility from this more regulated, emotional state, Or we felt calm and peaceful, then we can look at things creatively. So here's my question for you. Are you warping your current beliefs to align with your bad habits? And you know that you are warping your beliefs to align with your bad habits if it doesn't feel light and inspired in your body and mind. Like if it doesn't feel good, then you're not aligned with your habits. You're not aligned with what your behaviors are. Or maybe a better way to say this is, are you living in an Old belief that needs to be updated because remember more than likely, because more than likely you were eating margs and drinking queso and it wasn't that big of a deal. It was totally fine in your life and with your values and beliefs at that time. So are you still living in that past belief that needs to be updated? Or can you attach the habit or behavior that you're wanting to change to fit more with your values and beliefs that support you today? And I don't know about you, But a lot of people don't even know what their values are or haven't updated them in decades, or probably have never even thought of values, or maybe they have, you know, those sheets that you can get with all of the words for different types of values, you circle the word on the value sheet and that's it, your values work is done for the day, but truthfully, most people. Don't take the time to really look and dive into what their beliefs are about health and wealth and relationships and all those good things that we need in life. To be happy and vital and vibrant, and it's really good to have somebody that you can work with through this because it's very difficult for us to see our own blind spots and a blind spot is some behavior that we do that we don't even recognize that we're doing because it's It's a habit. We've been doing it for so long. We don't even recognize our own thought patterns. So it's great to work with somebody. And interestingly enough, the values work that I do in my one on one mentorship program is ranked the top two most favorite things my clients do. And I think it is because we don't ever take time to really look at what our current beliefs are within our health, our wealth and relationships. We don't sit and say, what are my values today at age 40, 50, 60. And how have they changed from when I was 20 and 30? How am I living my values in my 40 year old body that I had when I was 20? No wonder I'm not aligned. No wonder I'm reaching for the bottle. No wonder I haven't updated my food choices. No wonder I'm still trying to sprint. And run five times a week when my body is telling me I don't want to do that anymore. No wonder I feel exhausted, right? By the way, I have two spots that opened up this summer. So go to the show notes to find out how to schedule a 30 minute free consultation with me to see if we're a good fit. Anyway, let's go back to the show. So let's break this all down. Let's take updating our belief around drinking. So step one, what you want to do is awareness. Always the first step. So, look at, what are my two opposing but true statements here? Alright? I love how wine relaxes me at the end of the day. And I want to wake up feeling great and ready to start my day and I don't love the way that alcohol makes me feel the next day. Okay? That's step one. Step two, take radical responsibility. Which belief is winning now? Which belief am I believing more? Does it fit my current values? Do I know what my current values are? Am I warping my current values? Or have I just not updated my values? Am I going off of these old tapes? So that is step two, taking radical responsibility. Step three is releasing judgment. And this is so important because if we don't release judgment, then we're just going to cycle that behavior time and time and time again. Remember it's normal human behavior to have these two opposing beliefs, two opposing, but true beliefs. And just remind yourself that you're practicing updating your current beliefs and values in. Then catching all your behaviors up to meet what your current and values are. And step four is taking action. Always taking action. So choosing behaviors that align with your current beliefs. And this takes some tweaking and this takes some trial and error because remember, your brain loves repetition. It loves doing the same thing over and over and over again. Those are your thoughts. Those are your behaviors. Those are your emotions. They are all habits. And so when you are trying to update your database, then it is going to take a while. So release the judgment, release the outcome, release when it's going to happen. Just do your best every single day, multiple times a day, always choosing to do better the next time, right? Not on a Monday, not at the beginning of the month, but Within the next hour and remember we go through resolving these two opposing truths at our heads all the time super easily without even Second guessing it. I mean any dog walkers out there Have you ever forgotten to bring a poop bag your dog poops and you tell yourself? Well, I've picked up the last hundred poops. I don't need to pick this one up It's fine or hamburger lovers who also feel super sad for the cows Or ever catch scrolling through Yahoo News or something like that while at work. You know what's wrong, but you're like, Oh, I can, I need a little bit of break. I need a mental break. Right? So we do this constantly without even recognize that we're doing it. And so it's only when we start adding the guilt and the shame and all of the other things, do we really, does it really become an issue? I hope this is helpful as always, and just remember, having these two opposing thoughts and decisions in our head is completely normal in human nature, and recognizing those two things can be absolutely true is also completely normal in human nature. It's what we do with the information and how we can work through that and marry the two or recognize that one is weighing heavier more than the other. And one is more true today, then that can really help us move through and make changes without as much struggle and friction. And that is my goal here loves that is always my goal is how can we move through life with a little bit more. Ease, fun. Uh, where we can take these big topics like change , because when we think of change, it can make us feel like we we're doing something wrong or we need to do something differently or we're not good enough when in reality, no, it's good to want to continue to grow and to develop. It just is. Where is it coming from? Is it coming from a place of guilt and shame? Or is it coming from a place of wanting to, be happier and more full and more aware for the others in our lives? So we have this ripple effect of happiness and love that extends out. All right. Until next time, we will see you here on think beyond the drink podcast. Have you ever wondered if this moderation thing's a myth? If moderating your drinking is just something that someone made up who wants to have their cake and eat it too? Well, in next week's episode, we will dive into moderation. What it means to moderate, what it looks like to moderate, who is the best candidate for this thing called moderation.