Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast
"The 90-Day Rule"
Is waiting before intimacy an outdated notion or a secret to lasting romance? Join me, Toni, and my co-host Kamona as we, along with Devonte (and no, not the one from Jodeci!), navigate the complexities of the 90-day rule in relationships. We promise a journey through the conflicting thoughts on whether playing the waiting game is a protective measure or an unnecessary obstacle for love. Our discussion cuts through the layers of this topic, as we share personal insights and stories. You'll gain a fresh perspective on how different people view the timeline for intimacy, the role of chemistry, and the weight of respect in new romances.
Have you ever bent your own rules in the face of attraction? We're getting real about the challenges of sticking to our guns, especially when desire enters the scene. Our contemplation of the practicalities and emotional investments in casual relationships will leave you pondering the importance of non-sexual contributions to deepening connections. Moreover, we unpack the societal expectations and double standards that often skew our views on modern dating. This episode is a candid look at the struggles and triumphs of navigating romantic standards, and it's packed with relatable anecdotes and heartfelt advice that might just resonate with your own experiences.
Wrapping up, we probe into the broader implications of the 90-day rule, considering its significance for personal growth, spiritual depth, and self-love, especially following a breakup. The choice between instant gratification and discerning patience is a hot topic, and we dissect the societal pressure for immediate chemistry versus the option to "test drive" a relationship. You'll find yourself immersed in a conversation that challenges the norms of intimacy and celebrates the power of setting boundaries. So, if you're ready to explore the dynamics of love, respect, and the 90-day rule, you won't want to miss this episode's revelations and reflections.
Is waiting before intimacy an outdated notion or a secret to lasting romance? Join me, Toni, and my co-host Kamona as we, along with Devonte (and no, not the one from Jodeci!), navigate the complexities of the 90-day rule in relationships. We promise a journey through the conflicting thoughts on whether playing the waiting game is a protective measure or an unnecessary obstacle for love. Our discussion cuts through the layers of this topic, as we share personal insights and stories. You'll gain a fresh perspective on how different people view the timeline for intimacy, the role of chemistry, and the weight of respect in new romances.
Have you ever bent your own rules in the face of attraction? We're getting real about the challenges of sticking to our guns, especially when desire enters the scene. Our contemplation of the practicalities and emotional investments in casual relationships will leave you pondering the importance of non-sexual contributions to deepening connections. Moreover, we unpack the societal expectations and double standards that often skew our views on modern dating. This episode is a candid look at the struggles and triumphs of navigating romantic standards, and it's packed with relatable anecdotes and heartfelt advice that might just resonate with your own experiences.
Wrapping up, we probe into the broader implications of the 90-day rule, considering its significance for personal growth, spiritual depth, and self-love, especially following a breakup. The choice between instant gratification and discerning patience is a hot topic, and we dissect the societal pressure for immediate chemistry versus the option to "test drive" a relationship. You'll find yourself immersed in a conversation that challenges the norms of intimacy and celebrates the power of setting boundaries. So, if you're ready to explore the dynamics of love, respect, and the 90-day rule, you won't want to miss this episode's revelations and reflections.
Hello, I'm Tony. I'm the host of the bougie buy you witches podcast and today we're going to be talking about a very important topic. This is important. It's called the 90 day rule. Now, in case of me, I don't know what the 90 day rule is. It's just basically waiting out of days to release that you know, to have sex, okay. So today I have my host, kamona the co-host, and also I have a guest, and then my other guest, devonte All right, not the one for Jota C, this is Devonte, okay. So let's go ahead today and get started with talking about the 90 day rule. What, how long are you going to wait when you meet a man? We're just going to go ahead and cut it, cut it, cut it. Not no, 90 days, like the before, before, the before. Uh huh, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2:I was like a month or two months.
Speaker 1:Okay, what about you? Depends on the person.
Speaker 3:So we got that connection out the river. It could happen in three seconds. You know what I'm saying. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:I should have said three seconds.
Speaker 3:That's why you got, you got a chance to know them.
Speaker 1:You didn't get a chance to know them.
Speaker 3:It's just like he said it's like an energy thing. It's like, if that connection is there, the energy is there.
Speaker 1:No, I ain't going to say no. Three seconds, okay, okay. Okay, you took my breath away, but I mean two weeks.
Speaker 3:I mean it just depends on the camera.
Speaker 1:Okay, me, I'm going to say it depends on the camera. Okay, I'm going to say it depends on the camera. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Me. I'm going to say it depends on the chemistry. You know what I'm saying. But did I like it going down maybe that same day? No, because one thing I learned from it going down sometimes that same day is they're not going to respect a woman who they consider easy. So let me actually and so you don't get to know the person, because once they get the jobs and the cookies and other ways they're not going to you're not going to get to know.
Speaker 2:It's like a wrap. So or some, not all Some.
Speaker 1:Are you going into it thinking it's going to be a relationship, or are you asking about waiting 90 days, just period? Just waiting 90 days. Like do people still wait 90 days for it being, you know, going into it as a relationship, or did they just drop them? Drop them. Drop them draws, like right there in there, drop them draws, that's not a reconnection.
Speaker 3:But you don't get a chance to get to know them.
Speaker 1:I'm just I'm with him on that. It just really depends on the chemistry and the connection. But it is important to you know, want to learn somebody, and the guy will lose respect for you if he you know not always cause I got married. I'm just saying Exactly.
Speaker 2:Your situation.
Speaker 1:So it just really honestly depend on the situation. Yeah, because you can still give it up that first night and give it up, and that could be your husband, you know, it could be love at first sight. I know some people don't believe in that, but I mean it does happen, you know. So it just really depends on that person and the maturity level and stuff too. There's a lot of guys they not mature, they don't start maturing until a latter age. So sometimes to them it's like I got to get it, I got to get it, I got to get it. Oh, I don't hit it. And they go tell their boys oh I don't got it, no, you don't got it.
Speaker 1:Sometimes that chemistry beats cause. I have had chemistry with somebody to where I could even like it's like I had to have, but were you drinking? No, you wasn't drinking. No, okay Cause when you drink, I said I disagree.
Speaker 3:I feel like it's a concept built by hurt people to wait 90 days, people that have been like hurt in past relationships, that choose not to work on themselves when they get another relationship quick. That's why I feel like and then, just as a man is just like, I know who I am Like, why you put the stipulations on me. And then not only that is just like from the past, it's like when I was younger. You know I'll be the woman. You know I wouldn't think she liked that.
Speaker 3:And then after my turn is up. You know I done heard all of this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:I'm like man that could have been me.
Speaker 3:I'm over here thinking she a good girl. You know what I mean. Like how you said, or you guys said you mentioned that man lose respect.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's not even now, I think mature man lose respect for a woman who give it up to soon but to me it's like immature.
Speaker 1:Well, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I'm mature man. Yeah, they lose respect.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like they would lose respect.
Speaker 3:They don't care, they love you. They love you, they want to be with you.
Speaker 1:They already know when they see you whether or not you're going to be someone that they want to be with.
Speaker 3:That's it, you know what I'm saying and they just in here denied but a man already know.
Speaker 1:That's why I said a lot of times they already know if they want to mess around with you and that's it and they want to move on to the next person.
Speaker 2:They know what they're not going to tell you, because they can mess it up, yeah, or if they want, to wipe you up or if you're considered wife material Wife material right.
Speaker 3:Not only that, it's just like what she do for me is what she do for me. She may not do that for nobody else. You know, immature man, they probably be like oh she done, did that before to somebody else, but nah, I don't think like that.
Speaker 1:And if she did, that's her business. I mean, we're worried about me and you, Not who I don't been with or who I don't mess with, and all this and that because that's the past. So basically, you ain't waiting 90 days either. Okay, you with me.
Speaker 3:I mean, we could play that little game, you know, but we dayd it. That's not just me, I mean that's not just me.
Speaker 1:Some people do probably wait, but all of us at this table we ain't wait. I'm not. I'm not before you.
Speaker 2:I know you are married before you.
Speaker 1:You know what's your perspective from. You know a marriage perspective. I know you are married, so you passed the 90 days and all that jazz.
Speaker 3:You wait 90 days before you got married.
Speaker 1:It ain't the wait 90 days before you get married for you at 6. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, that's a little too quick, that's shotgun. Wait, I'm just playing. No, some people get married. Yeah, I know, I know somebody get married 30 days.
Speaker 2:It was different, though, because we've known each other since high school.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:So since high school, we kept communication and of course, we were intimate with one another. And when you're younger you tend not to wait, you just you know like 17 years old. You're just like oh, this is fun Get into it yeah. But after we started dating I did put a date on it and I said two months and we waited two months.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, that's cool. I know she wasn't so much heat going two months when you, so you used to be around him all the time and you didn't want it.
Speaker 2:That was fine, because we were working on each other in different areas that were more important than sex at that time.
Speaker 1:Well, he was mentally stimulating you, I'm pretty sure mentally yes. That's okay, that's a better feeling, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, whenever that we fixed that part of our relationship, whenever we were intimate, it was like the best feeling, yes, like fireworks was going off and that building huh, oh, that bedroom.
Speaker 1:But you can also, you know, without learning them on that deeper level, you know between you and your husband, you can also meet somebody that you have a great chemistry with. Like I said, I met somebody in my that's in the current that I just I can't resist under no circumstances, like we just can't resist each other. Right, it's just the chemistry is there Now the all the other stuff. It may not be there, but you know that'll make you want to give it up too within the 90 days.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I never had nobody put that stipulation on me. But if they had put that stipulation on me, I feel like they wouldn't be interested in me. Why are you that way? You know I'm an amazing person.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:So why won't?
Speaker 1:you wait to get that amazing cookie.
Speaker 3:Huh, why won't you want to?
Speaker 1:wait to get that amazing cookie If you're amazing person.
Speaker 2:And why are you using the word stipulation?
Speaker 3:Because it is like a limitation on how I can be with you, I mean.
Speaker 1:And I see that you don't have to have sex with them to be. You can be with them and talk to them mentally physically, that's like a turn off for him. Like they say I prefer to wait 90 days. You're gonna be like I don't even want to talk to you.
Speaker 3:You're not gonna. You're not gonna garner my attention like that. But the right way, I'm not gonna give you my attention that I would give to a woman who is dropping the draw.
Speaker 1:Oh, Women ain't the same, though, so I'm gonna like to wait.
Speaker 3:you know that's fine, I'm gonna be doing what I'm doing on the side, though, but Is that?
Speaker 1:They will be messing with somebody else, that's fine If they are not in a committed relationship, but he's just a myth around where.
Speaker 3:I think you probably wait 120 when you meet the right.
Speaker 1:Look when he meet the right older woman, because he like older women women. When you have you felt like you truly met that one. You would Wait as long as you need to for that person. You would want to respect them and their boundaries and yeah every way possible or their standards.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's gonna wait and he's gonna be like but I'm okay.
Speaker 1:So this is my next question Do you notice, when you go ahead and have sex with that person, that they're not interested in getting to know you anymore? Really, have you noticed that I have had a situation like that, to where?
Speaker 3:what about you? Have you noticed that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have had a situation to where I don't be asking each other questions. It's something where it's like it's different.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was just. You know, you know Change, you notice that? No, I'm like that Now with everybody.
Speaker 1:Anyone want you back to good now with everybody.
Speaker 3:But if my purpose for me was that and solely that.
Speaker 1:Then, yes, it's like huh, and that's why I say you have to look at it at two different point of views, because if that's solely my purpose, then no, I'm not gonna be interested in you.
Speaker 3:I mean friends with benefits.
Speaker 1:That's a different thing. I'm talking about going into wanting to be in a serious relationship and wanting to be with this person, because hopefully, most women Out here do want to be in serious relationship. I know it's a lot of women who don't care, their casual dating, this and that there's y'all. But I'm just saying for the ones of us that's mature and ready to be in a serious relationship, and I'm not saying that, um, casual dating, you're not mature. I'm just saying for the ones that are mature, that want to be in a serious relationship. We sometimes want to set standards and things for ourselves. Now, do we always live up to them standards? Let's be for real, no. And if you say, oh yes, I do good, I could also see you. But I'm gonna be honest and say a lot of us don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah because we all are adults and we just keep it in real. I know I Said standards for myself and you know sometimes I don't follow through with all the Baby, that body being here, I be like a dog and he's I'm ready to get it in. I don't even care, no more. I know we'd be at day 23 like that.
Speaker 3:What you talking about? Day two they be all year. I ain't got none.
Speaker 1:I'm like shoot, I'm about to get it in and it'll be another year later. So yeah, the 90 days rule out of there for me. I don't even want to. 90 days, no Shoot magic going two years, I don't win. Two years no sex College.
Speaker 2:Right. I want to know if he's put any Stipulations on women you're always talking about women putting them on you. Have you ever put it?
Speaker 3:on women that I'm not attracted to. Yeah, I got a lot of stipulations for you Doing something for me, but it's like I'm not gonna go that far with you because I like that you're being honest.
Speaker 1:He's not the only guy like that.
Speaker 3:I can't be with nobody.
Speaker 1:I'm not even gonna sit here and let them get my body anymore. Back in the days it didn't matter about how you look. But now I'm a different individual mature. So it looks matter because if I got to put a paper bag over your head, we you know, I don't get miss kitty I don't get happy that she may be doing something for him, that particular Maybe doing something for you.
Speaker 3:It depends on my attraction level for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's only certain times that you can see me. I'm really a busy person. I'm really, I'm really a busy person. Well, for those that I'm- attracted to that, I'm like, and I really want to get to know you, I will make time out of my schedule to see you. Okay, you know. But if I'm not interested in you, like that, but I'm like, okay, she cool, you know you're gonna have to see me when I'm available. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Other stipulations you ain't see me at all.
Speaker 3:You probably not gonna come to my house. I'm gonna need you to be at my house.
Speaker 2:So where are you guys gonna do it? At her house?
Speaker 1:At hotel.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In the car, in the car, in the, in her. You paying for this hotel? You about splitting head? No, if you try to get this cookie, baby, you couldn't be paying for it all.
Speaker 3:But sex is a mutual thing, you know what I'm saying, that ain't just like I'm getting you know.
Speaker 1:I mean like but you're getting a cookie, so you better pay for it, like so just let me say I paid for it.
Speaker 2:This is this good young relationship.
Speaker 1:We even talk about the relationship.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's just a free. That's what's that like. The benefit is probably possibly so you gotta go have on the room.
Speaker 1:Possibly, do get it in the car.
Speaker 3:Yeah, probably, you know pay for your condom. On the attraction level. You know I'm saying, if I'm really not attracted to you, then yeah, it's coming out your pockets.
Speaker 1:Oh. So, women y'all here. It is when men ain't attracted to you.
Speaker 3:They, they're like they ain't got no money.
Speaker 1:It run for it, run for it run.
Speaker 3:But you know, I'm still gonna be a gentleman. You know How's it be the gentleman though, because I'm picking you up. You know I'm putting gas in the car, you know we make it.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I get that and I respect you know your opinion, you know everybody got their own ways. You still gonna treat that person nicely, but if you know, you know, you know, if you know you're not attracted to that person, why he's a waste of time she's doing more than just being sexual to me.
Speaker 3:You know, I may not need every woman in my life to be sexual, you know they may be running errands for me.
Speaker 1:Oh no you know, but why? Why get them to do that when you Okay, so if they right, because I know women say they will run and run, but this one, I'm right here, that's my man. So I know they will do certain not for no price. I mean here's the why. Allow them to do that. If you know, do you tell them up front? Hey, I want to be.
Speaker 3:Not even tell them up front. Okay, because it may be a possibility. You may. You may get me to like you To go all the way with you. Oh, so what?
Speaker 1:you saying is, if they start off doing things for you, then you might start developing feelings for me, even though you don't have feelings for them in the beginning.
Speaker 3:Oh, Wow that's deep right there, yeah, but that's but honestly what he's saying is what a lot of women go through. Yeah, he's having a joke, though that's how women go through A lot of women go through it and they do more and more stuff thinking that's gonna win the way today, man Exactly. But let me tell you, but let me tell you the way to a man heart is through their stomach.
Speaker 1:So women, y'all gotta know how to cook, because that's the way to get through their stomach. I don't cook either. Well, I cook and I'm telling you that's how I've been winning them. I don't throw it down and I see old get messages and I still Get a few of your hearts nothing at all for that man no you don't cook nothing at all for your man.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry losing weight and stuff.
Speaker 1:I don't think I have cooked at all this year. Honestly, I don't think you. It's 2020, so you still not cooking. My hardship, she's still on that high on the shelf. Yeah, high on the shelf. When they ever get right to you, I'm gonna make sure you eat. But me, getting into the kitchen and cooking that's the best thing to do is to cook. It's the best thing, not only that to cook for your man is to cook for your spirit, to your ancestors.
Speaker 3:They love home cooking meal, but I'm just saying it doesn't sound about a woman who's just in the kitchen doing that.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:With some booty shorts on, it's just like. It's like boring for a man.
Speaker 1:I ain't got that.
Speaker 3:To be a best-toed cook.
Speaker 2:We can come in the house and we just smell it Mammoth and aroma, that booty aroma. Oh my goodness, I like that with my man. He does that to me. There we go Maybe that's his thing.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. I ain't knocking it.
Speaker 2:Maybe some man like to cook yeah.
Speaker 1:I like a man that can cook too, that's what I want, you know I'll clean up everything.
Speaker 2:He got me in there on the top, but just a private cook meal. But I'm not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, maybe going into 2024, I'll do better. So did you cook? When you were younger? I cooked too much. When I was married to you know, my kids' father I cooked all the time, that's why I'm not.
Speaker 3:I'm traumatized?
Speaker 1:Yes, I am, I'm traumatized. I cook Monday through Sunday, oh look. I cook, no, every day of night. Now. I cook every other day, monday through.
Speaker 3:Sunday, because that's what he's going to like.
Speaker 1:The next day, whether or not you like it, because my ex-husband, he, didn't like leftovers. But guess what I did? I mean the kids. So we ate it.
Speaker 3:May I put a question? Why would you give somebody a 90 day period Like what is the whole purpose of the 90 day period?
Speaker 1:I think it's to give a no to them. Yeah, I respect you and also getting a no to them, because if you give it up, that man ain't interested no more. And getting to know you. I'm saying some but majority some, whatever, they're not interested in getting to know you because guess what?
Speaker 2:They don't got it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they ain't got it so if you want to start asking them questions. Don't get mad when they don't be answering them or they don't ask you questions and stuff, because I used to do tests and so that's how.
Speaker 3:I went.
Speaker 1:No, I actually experienced it. I actually gave it up too soon. And you never heard back from the guys. If you ain't lying, I got ghosted.
Speaker 3:But did you ask for a question? I got ghosted because I know I don't go To that person. No, no, you just gave it up. Yeah, oh, ok, it happened. I guess that's why it never happened to me, because I normally dig into the psyche. But now, now we're going to give them the time of the day to do that.
Speaker 1:But now the good thing is you can read them. We can pull cards on them and stuff. Now, Is this a person that you're interested in or a person that's not attractive? Hold on, I got eggs. Which side of it is for you?
Speaker 3:If you have my attention, then yes, I'm interested in you.
Speaker 1:OK, well then, that's a different. Ok, that's a different, do you? Ok, I don't know that.
Speaker 3:If you are interested in me, she'll know, she'll know, by the way, the red flags and stuff, just the way my consistency in my hand, that part consists, you see, His hand being available. Yeah, my availability. Yeah, because if he, ain't never available.
Speaker 1:He's always got excuses, he's not texting you back and stuff like that he don't want to.
Speaker 2:So yeah, he ain't interested in you.
Speaker 1:Now let me ask y'all a question, since we on this 90 day rule If you don't hear from someone that you're interested in and you're getting to know in a whole day and y'all want a serious relationship, will you ghost them? Would you leave them, or what If you don't hear from the whole 24 hour period and we in a committed relationship? No, I'm not going to ghost them.
Speaker 3:Because everybody they talking.
Speaker 1:Everybody. Yeah To me. Yes, she's like I will, I will she will. I ain't even be like, it's just like work. If you don't come to work that day and I'll hear from you in 24 hours on what happened. You know, like, if you want to know hospital and the parts that are in the back, that's. All they say is that they're gonna fire her. They fire her, they fire her she dead serious about that too, like that's the thing. Communication is key.
Speaker 3:That right Because.
Speaker 1:I understand you might go through things, but just say look, look, baby, I'm not feeling good today, I'm gonna hit you up tomorrow or something. Don't just let me wonder them what's going on. That's.
Speaker 2:Hell OK.
Speaker 1:Confirmation. That's what I'm talking about. Confirmation. If I don't hear from them in the whole day, I don't I like that I like that.
Speaker 2:And I was like, huh, she's gonna ask what happened.
Speaker 1:But as far as me, I'm a questioner but as far as me, just ghosting you and all to the next, I ain't gonna do you Well, you have a good heart.
Speaker 2:If we're in a relationship, you really have a good, good heart.
Speaker 1:She's like oh, poor you. You got a good heart. You're like my mama, you very, very forgiving. I'm forgiving, but I don't be forgetting. Yes, I mean, like I said, I'm a question. I'm not gonna just like, oh OK, let's move past and I'm gonna ask it.
Speaker 3:No, I'm not giving that same energy back.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna go through plenty of days. There ain't gonna just be one, there's gonna be multiple days, two weeks and two months.
Speaker 3:Oh, you tip-a-tap is that all yeah, she tip-a-tap.
Speaker 1:I ain't see, I don't want to be like that. You tell her tip-a-tap that ain't the time when I'm gone doosie, because I mean, I never. Even though, like you said, communication is key, I would want that person to tell me hey, I need my space, or I have to spend a day with my mother child, whatever it may be. But at the same time, if they don't reach out to me and they end up reaching out to me the next day, you know what? I just had a real bad day. I'm sorry I didn't call you. Vice versa, whatever their story may be, ok.
Speaker 1:What if they don't explain that though, Now, now, now, if they do call that next day and they do explain that it just depends on my heart how soft it is. I might give them a chance Now that you broke it down like that.
Speaker 3:OK, but if they didn't explain it, if they don't explain it like that, they just add that thing was normal. I'm gone. Now I'm good to you on that. I'm gone too, that's because they're going to think that they can do it again.
Speaker 1:Thank you. They're going to keep taking advantage of you and that's not cool when you start letting things slide. They're going to continue to do it and you can't get mad because you started accepting it. That's true. So yeah, but now if they break it down like, hey, this happened, I just had a bad day because we?
Speaker 3:all have those days. A lot of times, I'll pick up the phone and explain myself bad, but listen to these boys going to make you feel bad and so you're going to want to hit, even if you have a bad day.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just want to talk to them. It doesn't make you feel good. Because of that energy, you got that good, positive energy Everybody don't look at it that way, though. That's why you got to get with somebody that's spirited and can understand that.
Speaker 3:So when people pose as 90-day tests on people, do they feel that they have sex with another person? You?
Speaker 1:fail? Yes, you do. You should be focusing on that person if you're interested in trying to get to know them. I mean, that's how I feel, but you know man going to do what they want to do and they're going to always be honest and tell you. Fail. But do know our intuition work, yeah huh. So women know if you out there creeping and cheating.
Speaker 3:They do, but most women don't trust their intuition.
Speaker 1:You're right, most women don't, but I trust some of us they be knowing too. They be knowing, they be knowing.
Speaker 3:I be like yeah, I should know. Ok, that's her intuition.
Speaker 1:OK, we been knowing. Trust it ain't stupid, especially when you cut the conversation off about 10 o'clock. We all like trying to get you out, you sure? You in the back. Ok, this is your name, baby Miss Charley. What is Miss Charley? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Come on in the car man to do your name.
Speaker 1:That's Miss Charley.
Speaker 2:I don't care what's, miss Charley, but yeah.
Speaker 3:Miss Charley, what?
Speaker 1:you do to Charley? Nothing, that's just the name of life. You got my girlfriend. I heard that babe before. I was just like Miss Charley, drop your baby.
Speaker 2:Come to us.
Speaker 1:Put your name up there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know who you are. I'm going to have to bring you to the podcast.
Speaker 1:Look, we're applying you to Dallas, miss Charley, come on. She about to get flewed out. Yeah, ok. So basically as far as the 90 days. In other words, what we're just saying is if you do give up the cookie within 90 days, it's not a bad thing. You know what I'm saying Because, again, everybody chemistry level is different, everybody Freakiness level is a little different and you know everybody thoughts and stuff on Giving it up. It's totally different.
Speaker 1:So we're not gonna look at you as a bad person and I'm so tired of people stippling and saying, oh you easy, easy. No, that does not mean that right, we might have just been horny and wanted some too. It don't mean we're easy. You just might have been the lucky boom prize to where you got a chance to get it, cuz you know we. We ready to get our engine tuned up. You was the lucky one. Don't think all that, I'm easy, it's just I had in a minute.
Speaker 1:No it takes longer than 90 days, but whether that you know what, that you want to be with that person, you Know that within a couple days, like when you meet them, start having conversations with them, I say probably about a good week. I know whether or not I want to move forward with this person or if I just want to kick them to the curb.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so yeah that's why it's obsolete, you understand? Like?
Speaker 1:They. And eventually they'll uncover that real them and you be trying to run for your life.
Speaker 3:But your life, the worst thing is you wait 90 days to get that cat.
Speaker 2:Not only that though.
Speaker 1:You just have to be careful, because what us being spiritual, you don't want those spiritual soul ties and you don't want to be feeling that, that energy. So that's why you have to be careful with who you get a cookie to, because guess what, if that person has negative energy or Vibrating at a lower vibrational level or lower frequency, you're gonna take that on. You gonna be like and then all those sex partners.
Speaker 2:You bring them into your body, so that's why I be practicing abstinence so much.
Speaker 1:And yes, I do and I don't care. And let me tell you something I have a high sex drive but I have learned to self discipline myself Because, at the end of the day, you have to be careful with the, the businesses and the stuff that we take into us. You know, you got to be careful with that because you don't want to take on All that negative energy and all that stuff that comes with that person and you. You know getting sexual intimate.
Speaker 3:So yeah. That's so true, true story.
Speaker 1:Boy. I got quiet when I said that it's like everybody like damn.
Speaker 3:Now it's real, now that's real, that's real, that's real. I was interested in with a person who had an alcohol problem and like I never really knew what she went through, but after I had sex with her Baby, you feel it all. I felt just depressed. Yes, I was just like damn, what the fuck is wrong with me, like why do I want to cry?
Speaker 1:Yes, but I can't. I can't cry. You got to be careful with who you had sex with.
Speaker 3:People be thinking we're talking about you. Like you ain't working that way you're like you're like shit.
Speaker 1:Look, Everybody ain't working that way. I thought it was a crack. I was like damn. I don't even feel as sad on the top what's going on.
Speaker 3:But then I drank some liquor and I got happy and I knew it was from her. I knew it was from her.
Speaker 1:I know it was her. Look you and dogs wet.
Speaker 2:That's true, that's so true.
Speaker 1:You don't like, since I've become more deeper and spirituality. I'm learning that.
Speaker 3:That's right everybody everybody.
Speaker 1:Don't need access to your kingdom.
Speaker 3:That's right. Everybody don't need access to your kingdom and they suck all that energy out of you they just suck it out.
Speaker 1:No, Especially if you have good, good you never know what you have access to it. I trust good.
Speaker 2:And even Mary, I still will not have sex with my husband if we're in bad terms.
Speaker 1:Like you know how people say oh you know?
Speaker 2:oh, we're heading to a fight. It's the best sex after you try to the best sex.
Speaker 1:No, it's not. I don't even want to have sex with you when we're getting into it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's the good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, keep that away from me.
Speaker 2:I never wanted to, when I was a mad.
Speaker 3:But that's how people were taught to grow on her because, even though I'm not into that, I have heard you know, relatives say that, oh, that makeup sex is the best sex. No, it's not. I don't want you touching me, I don't want you touching me.
Speaker 1:If I'm mad with you, you're gonna think. I'm cheating on you because I don't even want you touching me, that's the toxic sex, like I don't even want to be around you. You're like in a doggie house. Go get out there. Bye, go get in the dog house. But yeah, she went to people in the dog house, she dismissing them after they got there.
Speaker 3:That's how we that's how we Miss Sanders are, miss Sanders are.
Speaker 1:No, they not. No, no, look at here, fellas, y'all better make sure y'all don't go a day without calling her Incorrect. Oh, look, they're telling me to come correct. Okay, or you eject Look, I'm gonna eject. Eject Blocked. Okay, b-l-o-c-k-e-d Blocked. I'm gonna hit that button, submit B-L-O-T-M-E. I might take a break. I got a heel. You just blocked them too late.
Speaker 3:I know, but I got a heel from there.
Speaker 1:You know I've had a heel.
Speaker 3:I've known her for a couple weeks or so. I got a heel. I actually had a heel mark.
Speaker 1:Going by myself. My protection candles Brung the oil on me. Take them self. Love ads Like I gotta get myself back on track.
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:Block him, keep him blocked. He's gonna stay unblocked. I mean, yeah, unblocked. I still communicate with him, cause then I've been unhealed, so I'm okay to communicate with him, but he'll never, ever be able to get this cookie again.
Speaker 3:I'm just curious to know where does this 90 day rule come from?
Speaker 1:Steve Harvey, I don't even know. No, steve Harvey though Seriously cause, I got his book. I think he was the one that really started it.
Speaker 3:That really started it up. Who did?
Speaker 1:But I mean I'm happy he did that, because I mean Steve's telling the truth A lot of that book is telling the truth.
Speaker 3:Abstaining is important.
Speaker 1:That is because if you really want to get to know a person, I'm staying and you will get to know every you'll realize I want to get this person out of my cookie cat.
Speaker 3:You know I want to get him no cookie or nothing, Like you don't want to.
Speaker 1:You'd rather just save it for that person that it's meant to be for. So, if you do, I'm staying from having sex. Practice your abstinence. It really will let you see that real person. I'm telling you, in 90 days you'll get to know a lot about that person that you're trying to get to know.
Speaker 2:So no one know. You get to learn about yourself Exactly. You don't want that person. I'm telling you a lot of times you don't like. That's an important thing.
Speaker 3:But I'm staying out with you now.
Speaker 1:I'm not going on this.
Speaker 2:I'm staying with you now.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry I'm not going on this, Unless he is his standards and I really like the guy and if that's his requirement, oh, waiting 90 days for me. The man is starting to. I'm staying too From sex and wanting to wait to marriage and stuff like that. You know they are, I was on.
Speaker 3:We Need.
Speaker 2:To Pick Up On A Topic.
Speaker 1:And that's how a man saying he is interested in a woman and he's not going to sex until he gets married. That's what I do. You don't even want to test it, you don't want to test drive a car. Before you buy it. I don't test drive a car before I buy it. You know what I'm saying, because you might not like it.
Speaker 3:Test drive it Before you buy it, because you might not like it Because sexual chemistry keeps a relationship going.
Speaker 1:I really do.
Speaker 3:But some people feel like they need to wait.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying something here.
Speaker 3:I mean, some people do have Stipulations on what they can do at certain periods, so I get it A lot of. Christians do it In some spiritual people do it, so I get it. But as far as like Just wanting to do it on your own, maybe it's personal reasons that we just don't know about. But I don't think it's natural to do that Right it's not natural.
Speaker 2:You don't think it's natural. Is that a natural instinct?
Speaker 3:Human instinct.
Speaker 1:Hell. No, I'm sitting here, I'm like, I'm with you.
Speaker 3:If you attract a certain body.
Speaker 1:But I have waited past 90 days. I mean, I have waited years.
Speaker 2:I have waited years without having sex with you and you was with that same person.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. You was in a relationship With that same person. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:After a breakup Like just to heal myself.
Speaker 3:I have been with years.
Speaker 1:But as far as when I want to do it, that's just if my body is saying Okay, I go years all the time To me going yeah, that ain't nothing to me.
Speaker 3:Now that I'm spiritual, I'm very careful I rather hold off.
Speaker 1:Versus just going and messing around with somebody.
Speaker 3:Yeah, me too. You gotta be careful.
Speaker 1:But I'm still like waiting on 90 days, Okay. So let me tell you this If every time you go on a date you meet the guy and you give it up, Then can you think about all the bodies that you In taking that year? I think one body a year, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:I think One body a year is it.
Speaker 1:Cause you don't want to keep getting out of that Extra mileage. You know what I'm saying? Like one body a year. If it don't work out, I'm done for this year it'll be next year.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be so explicit right here. A man can go ahead and have sex with as many women as he wants it to.
Speaker 1:In his shit. We still remain the same. They can't do that. You go around sleeping around with this your label has a 3-0 phone.
Speaker 2:And then it went this big, and then it went back to this big, and then you went back to another one as this big and you look at that, it's gonna be loose like that.
Speaker 1:It's gonna be loose and you don't want to show them stuff loose like that, All of that you gon' have to go ahead and surgery or take that pill to make it Get back to that Back. But think about it what if you had all them babies, you know it's gonna get wired anyway. I have had 2C sections so.
Speaker 3:I ain't never pushed out. I was a vaginal woman. I congratulate you on your saloon.
Speaker 2:I tried, but it just didn't happen.
Speaker 1:Let's cut this. I stomach cut All the women I heard that have had vaginal deliveries.
Speaker 2:I salute you.
Speaker 1:Okay, cause it ain't easy.
Speaker 1:I didn't get that shot. I couldn't get it. I couldn't get the epidural shot because I have scoliosis. So I was still riding my back. They couldn't do that cause it was a chance I could die, so I had to have it natural. I couldn't get that shot. Shit. I was trying to stop after 1 so my grandma made me feel bad. So I had a second shot Cause I was ready to go get them. 2 side cut, clip burn after the first one. Yeah, cause you had that appointment already made, you was on your way, I was ready. I don't understand, I really didn't want none, but you know it happened and thank god these guys talked me out of it. I had one Cause I was selfish, I didn't want no children. I ain't gonna lie. But I'm gonna tell you it's amazing thing to have children. It's amazing thing.
Speaker 1:I saw what my parents went through and I just knew I wanted to travel the world, I wanted to have fun. I felt like if I had kids it would slow me down and stuff.
Speaker 2:That's the stage I'm at now.
Speaker 3:But so I'm gonna be honest I didn't want children.
Speaker 1:When it's a choose not to have kids. I don't consider them to be selfish. I don't either, it's selfish to have a child and not build a good child.
Speaker 3:I felt like it was at the time. I felt like it was at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just letting not have no interest, that's selfish. But not to have kids it's a lot of more women that stepping into that power that they don't really want kids Right. Cause all I thought about is am I gonna be able to take care and provide for them? What if I fall on hard times and things like that Cause anybody can be a mother.
Speaker 1:I see what my parents went through having us. Eventually, yeah, they did start making six figures and stuff like that, but the times where they wasn't, and we were struggling and falling through the floors and stuff Cause we was living in a rackety trailer and stuff, I ain't gonna lie, things weren't always sugarcoated, but I just was like I ain't do I want to bring my kids so having a struggle like that, you know.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I wish it was selfish.
Speaker 1:You know you don't want kids cause a lot of women's. You know they. Oh well, you're not a true mother or a true woman. If you're not a mother, it's like all these myth and you know social media. Yeah, this is social media crap.
Speaker 1:It's just like sometimes it made women's feel like crap you know when it's concerning that, but now you're, you still a good person. If you don't choose to want kids, you know, but it's. But again, it's a blessing and I'm very happy I did cause I'm gonna be honest with you it slowed me down cause, baby, I was on the floor, I was at the club every weekend.
Speaker 3:I still was, even though I had my baby.
Speaker 1:You traveled a lot.
Speaker 3:I looked up.
Speaker 1:I just I'm a traveler, I just always be in New Orleans, I would get on that Greyhound bus. I'll be 16 years old on that Greyhound bus going to New Orleans, me and my homegirl.
Speaker 3:But now that our kids are grown now we're able to do that more.
Speaker 1:Now I'm about to start traveling, cause they grown, cause I started when I was young.
Speaker 3:Heck yeah it goes so fast, Like I be picking up my little suits. I say girl, how's it feel?
Speaker 1:You gotta go to school and pick up them kids and guess what? My grown, my grown and I'm about to travel the world. I got my passport. It's on now. It's on now. I got my passport too. Now we're about to travel, but you gotta find somebody to watch them. Kids, you can't travel during our school.
Speaker 3:You gotta get a babysitter.
Speaker 1:Okay. I got another son, mom, be back such a such time. I do gotta find a dog sitter, though, I ain't gonna lie. I do gotta help, I gotta make sure she's good, right, but overall, you know it's a blessing. You know what I'm saying. I have them and you know that comes from that 90 day rule that we had.
Speaker 2:I ain't waiting on that.
Speaker 1:I ain't gonna lie though they didn't come from the 90 day rule, they probably came from one idol, and let me see the other one. I almost come up somewhat like that, but it was like love at first sight. I'll just tell anybody out there, you know, protect your energy, don't? You know, be cautious, and you know, thoughtful, mindful, before you get into the situation. But if that chemistry is hidden and them bodies are like magnets and drawing, yeah, that's like.
Speaker 2:Come on, Tony, you can do that, talking to you Just like, yeah, just be careful and mindful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's all I can do.
Speaker 1:But me personally, like I said, I ain't waiting on 90 days. Well, I'm try, but it do be a little hard. But I will try. Oh damn, we can't get me to side out. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm just like wait 90 days, you're not interested in me. That's how I'm a feel like I feel like I can't even hug you.
Speaker 3:I can't eat my love languages.
Speaker 2:You feel me. You couldn't hug them. You still had a physical touch with that Touch on that booty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but, yeah. But you know, I make magic with these hands.
Speaker 3:I just hate for a woman to just like pull back when it's supposed to happen, no, but it's always not meant to happen when you want it to.
Speaker 1:It'll happen when it needs to happen. That's right, that divine timing baby, I guess he would be with I.
Speaker 3:We didn't wait on 90 days I just said Mike, who I didn't say yes, I will.
Speaker 1:I just said I will try to wait and give it time, you know, because I've been waiting so long. Anyway, might as well.
Speaker 3:I would only wait to say if we was already together and then, for whatever spiritual reason or whatever personal reason they had, they wanted to just abstain from having sex. I would respect my partner enough to just be like okay we can do that, but we can go mess around.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, I wouldn't. Oh, I see that.
Speaker 3:Because we together, you know.
Speaker 1:Gotcha, we all in a relationship.
Speaker 3:Gotcha, and if we agree to have an homologous look, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to respect that.
Speaker 3:I'm uphold that you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So that's the best yeah.
Speaker 3:I respect my partner then for the 90 days, but off the rip. I don't know about that, all right.
Speaker 1:You said it's gonna be difficult, how the wait 90 days but men do it though. It's men out here that do wait. I really want to have a discussion I didn't say burgeon.
Speaker 1:I said there's men out here that wait. I don't know about that. I think we need to have a future discussion about that. Men that wait 90 days, men watching this, that will wait Same for sex or will wait, let us know, because I know men don't have sex with every woman they meet because they do, goodness gracious, because I know women we're not having sex with every guy we meet. You know, because when you're dating, you're going to be dating and meeting a lot of different people and if you do, that's your business. I'm not knocking you, but I know I'm not. Uh-uh, no, I'm not.
Speaker 3:That's where.
Speaker 1:I went. You know you and everybody I meet, Absolutely not.
Speaker 3:You can't. That's just ugh. That's nasty, just nasty. I don't think judging. People's eyes are on you.
Speaker 1:To me. I feel it's nasty If that's what you want to do.
Speaker 2:that's you, that's your cookie. You know what?
Speaker 1:you want to do with your cookie, but I'm just saying what I'm doing with my cookie. You're staying filled up in the jar until I'm ready.
Speaker 3:No judging.
Speaker 1:But we're all inside of our own opinions. So yeah, Do it.
Speaker 3:You want to get freaky? Do your thing, do your thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just like yeah, Because STDs are real.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying.
Speaker 1:Wrapping up. You can wrap it up and it still can pop. And it's real. Hmm, do you know what he working with? Next coffee, I'm sure y'all don't have to pop on y'all before. Yeah, but that was good, that was good conversation.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Well, we're about to get ready to wrap this up, everybody. We appreciate y'all listening to this episode On the 90 day rule. Drop your comments below. Drop your feedback, your comments, whatever, and like always. Like, share and subscribe Until the next episode. Bye, bye, bye.