Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast
How do you feel about Poly Relationships?
Embark on a journey into the realm of polyamorous relationships with us, where the traditional boundaries of love are expanded, and an intriguing tapestry of human connection unfolds. Together with Zerk and Nisha, we navigate the complexities of love multiplicity, discussing everything from the accidental slip into polyamory to the potent blend of understanding and energy required to maintain harmony among multiple partners. The conversation reveals the art of balancing personal space and open communication, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this unique way of loving.
As we wade through the waters of poly dynamics, our guest Zerk offers an invaluable perspective on managing the green-eyed monster that is jealousy and the importance of embracing each individual's role within the relationship ecosystem. Nisha chimes in with touching anecdotes from friends who've braved the polyamorous lifestyle, highlighting the real-world hurdles such as shared living, scheduling, and ensuring that every voice is heard and respected. This episode isn't just a talk; it's an exploration of the deep-seated need for connection that defines us all, even as we age, and the laughter that ensues when things don't go quite as planned (yes, we're looking at you, intimate oil!).
Wrapping things up, we pivot to the often-conflated topics of polyamory and casual encounters, demystifying the differences with candor. Diving into the nuances of relationships within the bisexual and queer communities, we touch on the pressures of societal norms and the ever-evolving landscape of sexual desire. Our candid discussion culminates in a reflection on the primal instinct of romance and how, despite the complexities of modern relationships, we're still drawn to the fundamental desire to connect and understand one another on a deeper level. Join us for a heartfelt and humorous episode that promises not just to entertain but to open your mind to the myriad ways we experience love.
Embark on a journey into the realm of polyamorous relationships with us, where the traditional boundaries of love are expanded, and an intriguing tapestry of human connection unfolds. Together with Zerk and Nisha, we navigate the complexities of love multiplicity, discussing everything from the accidental slip into polyamory to the potent blend of understanding and energy required to maintain harmony among multiple partners. The conversation reveals the art of balancing personal space and open communication, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this unique way of loving.
As we wade through the waters of poly dynamics, our guest Zerk offers an invaluable perspective on managing the green-eyed monster that is jealousy and the importance of embracing each individual's role within the relationship ecosystem. Nisha chimes in with touching anecdotes from friends who've braved the polyamorous lifestyle, highlighting the real-world hurdles such as shared living, scheduling, and ensuring that every voice is heard and respected. This episode isn't just a talk; it's an exploration of the deep-seated need for connection that defines us all, even as we age, and the laughter that ensues when things don't go quite as planned (yes, we're looking at you, intimate oil!).
Wrapping things up, we pivot to the often-conflated topics of polyamory and casual encounters, demystifying the differences with candor. Diving into the nuances of relationships within the bisexual and queer communities, we touch on the pressures of societal norms and the ever-evolving landscape of sexual desire. Our candid discussion culminates in a reflection on the primal instinct of romance and how, despite the complexities of modern relationships, we're still drawn to the fundamental desire to connect and understand one another on a deeper level. Join us for a heartfelt and humorous episode that promises not just to entertain but to open your mind to the myriad ways we experience love.
Hello, I'm Toni. I'm with Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast and today I have two wonderful guests and I have Zerk Nisha.
Speaker 1:All right, today we're going to be talking about this is episode 10, how do you feel about poly relationships? So I'm going to be honest with y'all I ain't no poly relationship, but I thought it would be a very important topic to talk about because I do have um, someone that is, you know, currently in one. So I'm gonna go ahead and get started with um. What initially drew you to poly and how did you navigate your journey into the poly relationship? I'm gonna start with part one because I don't want to confuse you. What initially drew you to Polly?
Speaker 3:Well, I ain't going to even lie. When I was young I got caught up and the two women I got caught up with they just kind of connected with each other as well. So we kind of it was just kind of a thing. It wasn't like an argument or none of that, it was just kind of cool. It was real laid back and chill. And one of them was like my baby's mother, like my first daughter's mother. Oh, okay, and my current girlfriend that was with me at the time. They kind of clicked.
Speaker 1:She was beautiful. Yeah, both of them were. Oh yeah, oh okay.
Speaker 3:And then their energy was, like always, humble. They was, all you know, nice women.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's what's up. It's very important that energy.
Speaker 2:Yes, that plays a part. Yes, indeed, yes. What about you, nisha? I've never been in that situation, but I have friends that have, and interesting stories. Good or bad, they both enjoyed the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Right, you're right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, had a neighbor.
Speaker 1:I would say for myself. I've never been in a poly relationship. I'm too jealous. But you know I'm selfish. I, like you know, my man to himself. I don't want to share, but I don't knock anyone who do. You know I feel like to each his own. You know, do what you feel is best for you to do. But on part B of that question, how did you navigate your journey?
Speaker 3:into the poly relationship. Well, it was kind of like I had to jump right in. It was like do or die. Oh, it was like I'm not letting you go.
Speaker 1:I'm not letting you go so we don't have to all be together, but like I'm going to be here sometimes, I'm going to be here sometimes, oh, so you kind of just like you let them know, hey, I'm going to be with her X amount of days and then I'm going to be with you X amount of days, y'all kind of like work out a little schedule and stuff. No, no schedule, I don't really like time frames and schedules.
Speaker 3:It's kind of like just natural, like you know what I'm saying. Oh, okay, like my spirit, don't take me where I need to of there.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, at least you do trust your intuition and your spirit.
Speaker 3:Yes, definitely it's important, you know.
Speaker 1:What about?
Speaker 2:your niche. I'm speaking on behalf of a friend of mine. They both were married and they both was in the relationship together. So it would be times that, like you said, there was was no schedule. No, you just choose what you wanted to do. Um, they both were in the house together with the kids, and so it was more like um, I'm getting the master bedroom and you're going to get the downstairs bedroom. And then when it was time to be an adult, you know they took turns and you know having pool parties and hanging out, and you know there's time to be an adult, you know they took turns and you know having pool parties and hanging out, and you know there's going to be some conflict like whose turn it is.
Speaker 2:And my friend got selfish and it was starting to be a problem because the woman kept going back and forth on who she actually wanted to be with for that time period. So then it was more like okay, no, it's my turn. Um, it's more like it's my turn and we're going to do what we need to do. And then you know we all need to. You know, come to an agreement that you know this is what we want to do, right? So, um. Then he also went on to say that, um, it worked out for a while, but then, you know, it comes to a point where somebody's gonna get tired in the situation. I think he got tired more than the other two did.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, probably the bickering and the arguments and stuff that was going on behind the scenes, he probably felt like a piece of meat.
Speaker 2:He did. The thing is, as a man like, in that situation.
Speaker 3:You've got to be a leader, you've got to be in control. It can't be letting these women on. This is what. No, just chill. This is what's going on right here. This is the guidelines. There's no pushing and pulling me, no different directions, like it's just gonna be natural. Like you know what I'm taking you out tonight. Let's go out. We're gonna go out to eat. You know what I'm saying? Like because you got to be lovers, friends, you got to be a family, you got to be a, a power household.
Speaker 1:Like that's what it's about. It's about big love, okay, so, like the jealousy, thing like what you were saying like it's a lot of women.
Speaker 3:I've met a lot. I've been in poly relationships with women who, like I'm used to having everything to myself yeah, so like it just feels natural to lash out if you mess with somebody else or if you're talking to somebody else. But the thing is what, if y'all are best friends and lovers and and y'all building something together, like you can't just get in it for a sexual or uh, I just want to live like this type of dynamic. You got to get into it.
Speaker 3:Like you know what, we're gonna build an empire right, you see what I'm saying we're gonna start this off and then we're gonna do some business together too. We gotta have something that okay, if we all up, are we willing to tear this apart, Because this is going to show me like are you serious with this?
Speaker 1:But you know like well, you know what I'm going to go to the next question. Can you explain the concept of the ethical non-monogamous and how it differs from the traditional monogamous relationships?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, it can still be monogamous when you poly.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, because I don't really go outside of my household really like that, unless I'm like alright, you coming home with me and then we're going to all sit down and have dinner together, and then, when you get in the door, there ain't no women in there looking like jealous, so you don't sit down at the table as one or you just go to the different ones houses at the time.
Speaker 3:Well, right now I'm trying to understand the two women I have. Right now. They don't live together.
Speaker 1:Oh, so y'all live separately.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, well, me and one live together.
Speaker 3:And then the other one she just comes through and stays the night. Oh, okay, she goes home, I might go stay the night with her sometimes.
Speaker 1:You bring your other woman with you too, right Sometimes?
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, it ain't always like an all of us together type thing, because I've been in a position where I have five, you got five. That's a different ballgame.
Speaker 1:And you have five women, mm-hmm, okay, and game now, and you had five women. Okay, and you don't get tired because you gotta put it out to five different women.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying, because so much women we just you know it's not, it's not like that, like I'm not a. You know what I'm saying. I mean, you ain't gotta be like a porn star. Okay, you know what I'm saying. There are times where it's like all of us together, this is going down.
Speaker 1:Oh, and then?
Speaker 3:there's times where it's like, are you?
Speaker 1:Oh, but it's my choice. Like if they make their choice.
Speaker 3:They're going to argue, they're going to get into it, they're going to look at me as an object. Oh, instead of a king, you know what I'm saying. I don't look at them as objects, either it, either. It's just kind of like. You know what I'm saying. You've been really good to me, you've been doing your thing. We going out for the weekend or something. Come back, everybody cool.
Speaker 1:House clean.
Speaker 3:Food cooked. Ain't nobody tripping. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:There'll be certain ones that might cook better than other ones you prefer. You be like look, you cook for me and you just do the clothes for me, of course, do the clothes for me.
Speaker 2:You know, Of course, I got you All right. All right, all right. Yes, indeed, Somebody got.
Speaker 3:I mean, I got a culinary arts degree myself, so I should get in that kitchen and chef myself.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to tell you. Huh, chef Tony, over here, you see what I'm saying. I'd be awesome, like yeah y'all handle that. I'm going to go in here and whip up something stuff make the table table with a lingerie.
Speaker 2:I like that too. So you big on game night as well. Oh yeah, okay, okay yeah, definitely like that.
Speaker 3:Stuff is important, though. That's what keep you together because, like without that, you'll fall apart. Yeah, like it's just certain things I've learned in life. I've been around like a lot of those old school player type dudes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm talking about the Rose Royces, though.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like this Very close. This is the one, yeah.
Speaker 2:I say Doug King, I'm thinking about Watson.
Speaker 3:I grew up seeing those dudes like coming up the street Like cause the lady who made the pimp cup was a block away from me. Oh, okay, so like I see them riding past and you know what I'm saying. I saw them at the Swords Awards it's the first time I saw them get out with his little cup but he had like five 21 year old women and he 40 years old like I?
Speaker 1:just, oh my, you know, you know what I'm saying. Did he inspire you to want to, you know, kind of be like him?
Speaker 3:Kind of, and then you see more. It wasn't just him either. It was like Peppa King, Bishop Magic Don Juan.
Speaker 2:Minister Seymour, these are those street legends. Don Juan's my favorite, yeah.
Speaker 3:He's a very inspirational guy. If you meet him, his energy is just always positive.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, and he's slick too, and then he's young too.
Speaker 3:You see him, he young like vibrant. Oh, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I just saw him at the Sorcerer's. They said, hey, he took pictures. Okay, so yeah.
Speaker 3:Yes, indeed. Yeah, that's one of my favorite people like. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:In Chicago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Wow, all right.
Speaker 3:What are some common?
Speaker 1:misconceptions about poly relationships and how do you address them? I don't really. There's a lot of people negative about it. Yeah, definitely People wonder.
Speaker 3:I mean definitely. The main conception is like. I mean, most women think that they can't do it. They like oh, I could never do that. And you don't know, if you never tried it like you might like it. You might get in there and be like oh shit, like I ain't have to do this, like damn, I got help around here for a change Like damn.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying Because you know, there's times where, like I'm about to be, where I'm going back on tour, like with this music thing, and I'm trying to take everybody with me, like so.
Speaker 1:There you go Once.
Speaker 3:I get there like that working and all them jobs and stuff that's over with Right I ain't going to have you carry no bags I got homies for that. Like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:You brought a couple of them.
Speaker 3:Okay, security guards, all you can do is just be pretty and be fit for that.
Speaker 2:That's it, you know what.
Speaker 3:I'm saying Just have my bag.
Speaker 1:If I'm saying I know who moves the fastest. No, who moves the fastest, I'm the slowest, yeah.
Speaker 3:The one that does the planning. That's the one you like. She gonna call it in or door, dash it or something and go out grab it.
Speaker 1:come back with it. Shout out to door, dash, yes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Especially, I want them Toe. House cookies Absolutely Especially, I want them Toe.
Speaker 1:House cookies. Oh Lord, Because I ain't got to go sit in line no more and wait to get my food. I can just call DoorDash and they bring it to me and shout out to the folks that bring it to me that work at DoorDash Shout out. Yes, indeed, y'all are needed, much needed, because I got a little lazy, so I like stuff delivered to me now, but yeah me too, me too, okay, well, um, how do you like establish maintain open communication and trust within the poly relationship dynamic?
Speaker 3:I mean, you got to have a connection, you got to be friends, you got to be. You know, I'm saying like I was saying, like you got to be lovers, friends, you got to be partners, like business partners, all kinds of partners, like everything got to be in one, so like you don't have to outsource anything, like everything you're doing like a business art, you this, you that, you this. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Everybody got a position right so like as long as you understand your position, you play that properly. There's no, okay, I ain't never really had no problems.
Speaker 1:I ain't never really had women like fighting or all the women are kind of like they understand their, their places and their relationship. Yeah, and they don't have no problem with the next woman. They're not fighting with each other and stuff you got a good little company here yeah because most women are not going for that.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to tell you They'll have that mask on in the beginning.
Speaker 1:And that's like they're okay with it. But then that jealousy starts seeping out once they take that mask off.
Speaker 3:They think they're going to run the other one off and then have you to they self.
Speaker 1:You see what?
Speaker 3:I'm saying but like I've learned to feel like one is too close to none. Okay, like if I'm with you and we building, and then you decide to go do this, or you decide I don't want to be with him, no more or anything. No, I ain't never going to be by myself. I can go.
Speaker 1:So do you like being by yourself or you don't? I mean, I spend a lot of time by myself, yeah. So would you just take a break from the poly relationship and be by yourself? I have you have For how long?
Speaker 3:About six months, maybe a year. Wow, I knew that in my head Wow.
Speaker 1:I just thought that.
Speaker 2:It ain't been no years.
Speaker 1:No, I ain't never been single for years, though.
Speaker 3:Why? I mean I'll meet a woman before I run across a business opportunity. You know what I'm saying. I'm going to go outside and this girl will be like hi, how you doing.
Speaker 1:So you don't believe in being by yourself for long, just only like at least six months.
Speaker 3:I ain't try to go that six months either. It was just kind of like the dating pool was like trash. Hell, that six months, either it was just kind of like the dating pool was like trash. Anyways, hell, what you think the dating pool is now.
Speaker 1:It's the same.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm just saying it's definitely terrible.
Speaker 1:Wow, so you're one of them type of men, because you remind me of my uncle, where he got a.
Speaker 3:Hi, Uncle. Well, he got to have a woman and I be like dang Uncle ain't want a woman.
Speaker 1:This ain't no couple months in your life.
Speaker 3:He married to another woman.
Speaker 1:God, Like I don't know, it's like I guess I'm just used to sometimes people taking maybe four, five, six years off, and you know.
Speaker 3:Look, I love women. And then after a while, you got to tell me Hell, I love myself first, but see a man, that thing ain't going to stop working after a while, so you better use it while you got it. You know what I'm saying Look when you hit them 40s. When you hit them 40s, think about them 50s.
Speaker 1:The 50s, it's going to start. He not lying.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying? You start losing strokes.
Speaker 1:They got to be like 35 and up for me now, because once they start, why are you tired? Man you want me out. I've been there working, so you know. Yeah, You're not lying.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for real. So you got to take supplements or something. You got to get something in your body to get you together. Oh yeah, black seed oil or something.
Speaker 1:Look, look, I used some sex intimate oil from a spiritual account.
Speaker 2:I'm not messing with you. That's how you got me in trouble. I'm not messing with you.
Speaker 3:I'm not messing with you.
Speaker 1:I hope you got some of that on deck though today. Yes, I got some on deck. I got two bottles.
Speaker 2:Look that oil is very dangerous.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like that I'm just saying but it's better than having to pop them Viagra and stuff.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is Because it won't go down Right and I don't want nobody talking about me. The next day, my girl, she, came up here with that man. Oh, but no, but that already is some serious.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's even better when it's with someone you really like versus just testing it out on me yeah.
Speaker 3:I only deal with those that I really like.
Speaker 2:I mean he got a handful. So you know he got. He can take turns.
Speaker 3:There you go. Yeah, somebody might need some help.
Speaker 1:Like all right. Tag somebody in. You can't rub it anywhere on the body. You know what I'm saying. It ain't got to go down there. You know it can go anywhere on your body.
Speaker 3:So you could put it down there and it'd be no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:You can put it down anywhere else on your.
Speaker 3:The head, the neck, the legs. I know it wasn't about to be all on my back and all no, no, no, I'm not saying it ain't about them being there.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, it's just, you put it there and it's going down down there, yeah.
Speaker 3:So yeah, what Like if you put it on the spine where?
Speaker 1:it hurts yeah you can put it anywhere.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah you, I got the secret weapon.
Speaker 2:But yeah, if their spot is the back or the neck, or I put it on the women, you can put it on yourself.
Speaker 1:You can put it on yourself and the women, so you can enjoy it too, and they can enjoy it too, cause they gonna ask you what you do to me nah they be knowing I be.
Speaker 2:I'm very like mystical and stuff but that, that oil, you gonna have to get a little.
Speaker 3:I got some stuff in the crib. I got a little pheromones and all that I've been hearing them talk about that, but I'm trying to replace all that.
Speaker 1:Oh, did I say that? But yes, next question, I know. The pheromones do not work. I heard you say something about a honeypot and all of that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't believe in that.
Speaker 3:Not the honey pot.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm just saying I've heard men talk about is it like the honey pot?
Speaker 3:and stuff I don't know about. No honey pot, but anyways, oh, the honey pack. Oh, that's what I'm trying to say the honey pack. Okay, I don't call it the honey pot. Okay, the honey pack.
Speaker 1:Those work, those work for show oh, so you use that honey pack too?
Speaker 3:I didn't use it a couple times like is it a pill?
Speaker 1:or what is it powder? It's a pack of pack of honey.
Speaker 3:You just squeeze it in and it tastes like honey.
Speaker 1:Oh, you squeeze it in your mouth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I wouldn't do it all. You know how, if you think it's honey, you can just go ahead and just eat the whole thing. Do not do that. Drink some water first. Yeah, I heard him Take it little by little.
Speaker 2:It could clog been that year yeah.
Speaker 3:They're trying to take that pack fast. I'm off this.
Speaker 2:Friday. I'm putting myself in trouble Now.
Speaker 3:look that honey pack is good. Listen, look, that stuff is dangerous.
Speaker 1:Just know, I got some folks that come from houston to come get my oils and stuff okay whenever they in the area. But um, I'm ready for that. How do you establish and maintain I think I already asked this question open communication and trust and probably ever asked that one already. Look at me. Can you share some insights into managing jealousy and insecurities that may arise in a poly relationship?
Speaker 3:I mean, you just got to let a person know like they're irreplaceable.
Speaker 1:Like you're not. You're not somebody, I'm just, I'm not with you for no sexual like prowess or nothing like that.
Speaker 3:I'm with you because, like I want to build with you, I think you'll be a great partner to advance with.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying, and I and. I'm kind of like you know I like to travel, I like to uproot, I like to you know what Time to go.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 1:And then you know you get those people like be in one city, the rest of their lives, tunnel vision yeah, I don't move to a couple of places and you know who knows what the future may have for me, but I'm not the type that want to sit still. I like to especially with my sons being grown. I ain't got to sit still running to school. No more. That's over with it's time for Tony to enjoy, okay it's time for me to you know, long as I got this employee holding the store down, I'm about to bounce somebody. Go try, be bad.
Speaker 3:You gotta use it. Why you got it?
Speaker 1:Being wheelchairs. I just told my people last night.
Speaker 3:Okay, I sit down. When I get a hip replacement, I sit down. That's okay, I'm clubbing, I'm partying.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:The party can come to you. The party can come to you.
Speaker 3:That's when it's house party time.
Speaker 1:So I come here.
Speaker 3:I got the pool table over here. I got everything you need at the crib. I like that. I'm partying at the crib. I like to have them parties at the house instead of being out at the club.
Speaker 1:You don't know this person. You don't know this person that snuck a gun in because he's cool with the security guard out there or whatever.
Speaker 3:I don't go to those places.
Speaker 1:I only go to where billionaires go millionaires.
Speaker 3:I don't go to them places. I don't go to all black or any ethnic groups. I go to places where it's mixed. I'm not going to no all white place either. You gotta be mixed you gotta have a little bit of everything. You look around you see just a rainbow of positive energy. Ain't nobody bringing no gun and no three piece suit that's right especially on Sundays at brunch time with mosas and all of that.
Speaker 2:That's for me. That's the best time for me to go out and hang out. Yeah, cause I can be tipsy and drunk at 12 or 1. Because I can't do that ignorant craziness.
Speaker 1:I just want everybody to love each other, have fun, enjoy each other. Don't leave out that drama and mess outside. Baby, this ain't no reality show. Stop, sit down, we try to have some fun. We need more than 20 grand.
Speaker 2:Some reality shows be 20 grand. I need more than 20 grand.
Speaker 3:Y'all don't get this every day. Y'all don't get this every day.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, you should say it'll be over $20,000.
Speaker 1:We're a brand, we're more than that Uh-uh uh-uh. So let me ask you this question what advice do you have for individuals or couples who are considering exploring in that poly relationship for the first time?
Speaker 3:Okay, like if you have a partner. Make sure you and your partner locked in before you bring somebody else into the household.
Speaker 1:Because, if not, there's going to be a problem in the door.
Speaker 3:Tell me about it, your partner should feel secure to where they're like. Look, I ain't worried about him. He ain't going nowhere, he's not going nowhere, because I've been down for him for so long. Anything this man asks of me, I've been there for him. Anything he needed, I've provided, I've had his back through thick and thin. You know what I'm saying, right? And then this next person, that's just going to be somebody who's adding to, not taking away.
Speaker 1:Right. And make sure they're coming in.
Speaker 3:With some you know I'm adding to the household not coming in Coming in when you got to take care of them and they ain't trying to add in or bring none to the table.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, ain't none of that shit. I know they're pluses. Yeah, that's a fact. Yeah. So, people, if y'all interested in getting into a poly relationship? You know, thurker, he's spilling the beans, he's letting y'all know, you know, yeah. So what would you classify if someone's been in a threesome versus being in a poly relationship?
Speaker 3:I mean, a threesome is just play. Yeah so a poly is like serious. It's serious business, Like we all in this together.
Speaker 1:It's tickling, you huh, this threesome, it is play.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for real, it's play. Once you have that little fun, it's like done.
Speaker 3:Everybody's like all right, you have a good day. Yeah, Text me.
Speaker 1:But what if your man like the other person a little bit more and he be wanting to go. You know slip in and then dip and dive you know.
Speaker 3:I mean you don't have a threesome with a man who think with his, with his? I don't know if we curse on here or part. You know what I'm saying. It should be something like okay, we're exploring, let's try something different, let's bring a different element into the bedroom and then get it out of there if we want to enjoy it. If you got a woman I've been with women who are bisexual. That wouldn't mess with a woman. With me, though, and it was kind of weird I'm either going to be with a woman or I'm going to be with a man.
Speaker 1:So when you with that woman you feel me. It's better with both when you with that woman.
Speaker 3:What y'all doing? Y'all pulling out rubber and plastic Sometimes, sometimes. But I'm going to come with the real deal. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:And then everybody's satisfied.
Speaker 2:If you want to add, if one of y'all want to add the little extra, not that plastic one, really I'm tripping.
Speaker 1:I thought they were silicone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they do be silicone. It's plastic. Yeah, it's silicone. I know, I don't know. I don't live with a woman.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I'm a time of two and I mean it's a fun thing when you just play with her.
Speaker 1:My imagination was with a woman. Okay, that was 30 years ago.
Speaker 3:So you couldn't be with a woman and a man. You would be jealous over one of your partners.
Speaker 1:What if your woman had a man on the side? Every time I was with a woman, I wasn't worried about no men, I was fixated on women.
Speaker 3:But did she have a man on the side either? One of them.
Speaker 1:She was a stud, so no Studs look.
Speaker 3:She was like the man you know. Look, I've slept with a few studs too.
Speaker 1:I've heard about that, but no, she wasn't like that.
Speaker 2:She was like no she was not trying to be with no man.
Speaker 3:Never, have ever been with women. They will never tell you. Only been with women. They'll never tell you.
Speaker 1:Some of them, won't you right?
Speaker 2:And they end up pregnant.
Speaker 3:I'm one of them buddies, look, play basketball shorty hoop, just like the guys. You know what I'm saying. Got braids baggy clothes on, backing up into me like look, that's why I play basketball with dudes right there. I'm putting my hand right here like trying to be respectful.
Speaker 1:Maybe because she just, you know, curious.
Speaker 3:She was.
Speaker 1:She had to be.
Speaker 3:And then it went there and it was just kind of like it took a little work, a little coercing.
Speaker 2:And then she wasn't feminine for a while. No, she wasn't.
Speaker 3:I mean, yeah, during the act of it, yeah she. Yeah, during the act of it, yeah she was kind of yeah, you weren't feminine for a bit.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, she was feminine Now she back to being a stud now right, yeah, as soon as we was done, she was back, Back to beating dudes to the stage.
Speaker 2:You just beat them all up. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Shawty, I know you're not looking at that dude.
Speaker 3:You don't like how that dude saw you. Nah, we weren't Like even for dudes. Like, if you've never had A woman, how do you know? If you're a gay man? Just because you're feminine, that don't mean Cause you can get. There's some women out here That'll change your life, man. Like you'll get a little bit Of that good stuff, man, and you'll Wow.
Speaker 1:Realize you've been Wasting your time. You know what I'm saying Trying to tell you the right woman To turn you out. Baby, no, no, he not a stalker no, but he's.
Speaker 2:I told you two days, what's up. I was like you know how it is Sometimes.
Speaker 1:Some men like that attention. If they don't get that attention, they disappear too, just like us women.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see with me when I don't get no attention. I ain't tripping.
Speaker 1:You say you on to the next woman the whole time.
Speaker 3:I've been getting attention anyway from somewhere else.
Speaker 1:You on to the next woman. I might have been ignoring her, you know six months.
Speaker 3:No, that six months thing. That was just once too, though I ain't.
Speaker 1:Was you miserable being by yourself for six months, or you was cool?
Speaker 3:I had women that I was dealing with but I wasn't serious with nobody.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about being by yourself, no, getting none, nothing.
Speaker 3:Like celibate? Yes, no, I ain't never been celibate in my life.
Speaker 1:I mean what's?
Speaker 3:the longest you been celibate up and you can't get none in there. But when you get out like mother come and visit, like oh my God, I can't wait to get out.
Speaker 1:He said go to jail, but all the time he was on it. So you, basically you get an idiot every night.
Speaker 3:Nah, nah.
Speaker 1:Okay, I probably like now it's the change.
Speaker 3:now, like since I, like I don't know, since I've been out here, my sex drive has went down. Oh, I used to have sex every day, sometimes like two, three times a day, twice a day in my 30s.
Speaker 1:I remember them days. From 14 to like 30 something. Oh, you got a certain element and so it's like okay, sex we're huh what yeah?
Speaker 3:like women walking. Yeah, you know what. I just want to do this right now to you and I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that. It's kind of like that and that probably really horny like.
Speaker 1:I'm just like not there with it right now, like what the hell is happening to me like when you get older it kind of becomes like, yeah, but I won't say it's the age, because I feel like sometimes, when you're getting older, you might hit that stage where you want to really do it all the time, but at the same time you ain't trying to be doing it with everybody because it's the thing called stds.
Speaker 1:That's real and people out here playing around, and I don't care about you wrapping it up, putting on a protection. They can pop, butts, come off and all of that. So you just really got to be careful. I feel like as you get older, you realize that you can't play around and then, with me being spiritual, I'm not going to let no, anybody be inside me anyway. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to be by.
Speaker 1:Oh, that too. I ain't a big kisser. You got to be mine. We got to be together for me to be kissing. I don't know what your mouth been. You could have been down on Miss Sally yesterday.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying but the kissing is like.
Speaker 1:Since Corona, kissing has become a delicate thing, like you know what I'm saying yeah because you messing around and kissing around, wanting you got it, yeah, and then, like you, tethering when you connect your body.
Speaker 3:What was the thing? Coffee, coffee, yeah, is that Corona? When that Corona came out?
Speaker 2:I had kids.
Speaker 3:I was like yeah, shorty, I don't do no kissing.
Speaker 2:What did I always say during COVID? I bought a whole bunch of Coronas.
Speaker 3:I was like look if you don't want to get it.
Speaker 2:Go ahead and drink the Coronas, and Corona was on sale back then Too. 24-pack for like 10 bucks yeah especially them family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I used to tear them up.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, this on sale, I'm going to drink it, so I ain't got to get it.
Speaker 1:I'm good, I can't with that. Never got it, or you could have got the shot, and then you you know really wouldn't have to worry about that.
Speaker 3:I turned a lot of jobs down because I didn't want to get the shot. I Lockdown Like lockdown. Where I went to my bar the same day they was like it's a lockdown. I went to my bar. That mother was wide open, everybody up in there drinking partying I bet they were.
Speaker 1:Half of them went home with COVID.
Speaker 3:No, about six out of like. You know that lockdown was about six months Because it was spreading like hot fire.
Speaker 1:Y'all got it, thank goodness. I don't think I ever had it, but no, my son did and I had to take care of him and of course I had to get tested too, because he was in school, but I never had got it or anything like that. So I was one of the lucky individuals.
Speaker 3:I got it last year, twice.
Speaker 1:That's when I'm beginning.
Speaker 3:Years ago. I better start praying or something.
Speaker 1:Hey, please keep me away from COVID, but yeah.
Speaker 3:You know they put that out here in the air.
Speaker 1:Well, pray too. Why you out in the air so you won't get it.
Speaker 2:The way I be seeing how people be talking about how they can't taste. No more, they taste buds. They can't hear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they say like it'd be symptoms and stuff and my own girl from chicago. She was, you know, telling me like the side effects and stuff after it was over and I'm like, oh, I want that, I was good even while over there I was good.
Speaker 3:Even when I had COVID, I was eating little soups and shit. I was like these soups ain't too bad. Give me some. Tony Satchel, I'm trying to tell you, baby you don't know about that.
Speaker 1:Tony Satchel man. Yes, but yes, that season is off the chain. That's Louisiana thang, I'm just saying. But that season is off the chain, that's Louisiana thine. I'm just saying For real. But how have you, how have being in a poly relationship impact your views on love, intimacy and personal growth?
Speaker 3:I mean, I learned to love like unconditionally, like where it was, like you know, like I stopped looking at. Oh my God, she fine, I got to have that. I became more of a like oh, can I be a witch?
Speaker 1:Because they could be fine and don't have no kind of brain. Exactly, they'll be lazy, or stinky or be crazy. You know all of that stuff. Yeah or crazy so you got to look past the outside of the body and look inside the inside.
Speaker 3:Exactly so. It taught me how to like really love for real. You know what I'm saying from here, not from here, because, like a lot of us, like we in relationships with people and we don't even know, really love them like that, because we've never got time to know them. You know what I'm saying. A lot of times they need to start with sex or start with.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying you ask a couple of questions and I'll be like, okay, yeah, you don, you don't have sex. If you have sex, they ain't interested in trying to get to know you, no more. It's like that's over with. So that's why you have to try to get to know a person before you do have sex, because once they get what they want, they target, or he, she.
Speaker 3:In the beginning, though, you got to get a little bit of that in too, though, but you get that in as you get to know them so you can make sure, is this the person that's worthy of getting to my Miss Kitty?
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. So yeah, Because.
Speaker 2:I'm going to ask you more than what's your real name, not your stripper name. I didn't know your blood type. Oh, we got tested.
Speaker 1:You know, can you wash my car on Friday, that's what I need.
Speaker 3:That's what I need. My car's all I need to wash.
Speaker 1:I just need to know who's not a cook too, so I'm going to be the only one cooking Right. So yeah, that part.
Speaker 3:That's a part of my seduction, to cook it though.
Speaker 1:I know they say the way to a man's stomach is through, wait the way to a man. Heart is through his stomach, cuz I may show.
Speaker 3:Your boxes are. I get dressed. Just come on in. You got your body silk draw. Make sure you got some silk boxes in the Cut fellas. Get a little nice little robe or something. Throw that little Versace robe on it. Whip up something in that kitchen. Before she come through that door, let her in Like, oh, I'm throwing these clothes on as soon as this food is done, I ain't want to cook in my club.
Speaker 2:They must be little kids going to school, or something I mean.
Speaker 1:I like a lot of little kids.
Speaker 3:I ain't. No, you can try that either, because you got to worry about a little pookie running.
Speaker 1:Oh mama, what you doing? Let me give you a bite.
Speaker 3:The timing don't be there, though, and I'm not no person. I'm not trying to wait six months to get to know nobody If I'm rocking with you. You got like three weeks. I got to really vibe with you. I got to be around you.
Speaker 2:Three weeks to be knowing whether or not.
Speaker 1:You want to be in a relationship with him? Yeah, knowing anything, or whether I want to even get to know a person.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's priority mail right there, but now.
Speaker 1:But you keeping it 100, though, because most of these guys this is what, and when I was going on my little dates and stuff, I ain't been on one in a while. Um, they would be like well, I gotta get to know you by three or six months, I say half a damn year it's gonna take you. When I was going on my little dates and stuff, and I ain't been on one in a while they would be like.
Speaker 1:Well, I got to get to know you by three or six months, I say half a damn year is going to take you.
Speaker 3:how long it is to get to know me, mm-mm, and that's terrible. You got to think like that. That makes it to where a person's time is like.
Speaker 1:I got all this other stuff before you, right time next week on when like. I ain't got time for that shit next week, like.
Speaker 3:So you saying like two weeks and some change about the path?
Speaker 1:yeah, this ain't gonna work okay because I had to talk to a couple guys and they say, wait a minute. When a guy meet you within the first three days, they know whether or not they want to pursue a relationship with you. I said I down for three to six months. Let's see how long you're gonna be around. Oh, he might be around, but he'll still be out there getting it.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah he's gonna get it for something. Oh yeah, I've been that guy a couple times, like you know. Say yeah, I just want to wait until the time is right.
Speaker 1:That's cool but you know y'all be curious to want to know what it's like to be with that one that you pursuing at the moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely that's going to make you want her more, but you still going to get something to hold you over in between then. So you can keep your patience, because you know what.
Speaker 1:They don't consider it as being easy and they see that, okay, she got a little bit, you know, standards and respect for herself versus the ones that dropped them jobs first. They ain't knocking no women. I'm sure we all done been there, but all honesty, for men it's a little different.
Speaker 3:It's a secret behind that right. It depends on how good it is. Don't make me wait six months knowing you don't really know. You ain't never really explored sexually. So your skills, you know, if your skills right, because everybody you with going to be like my God, they're going to let you go and shit, hey man you got to leave. I got to leave. I got to leave. What you mean. You know what I'm saying. They're going to give you problems, get them out of your life.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, you know what I'm saying, know what you're doing, or whatever. Okay, six months be practicing or something Like get you some toys or something like practice and make sure, like yeah, when it's six months come.
Speaker 2:I worked up and down once on six months calling them three.
Speaker 1:I know I didn't say some crazy stuff.
Speaker 2:I'm like if it was trash I would have told you, because that next day I would have never called you. That part that's me.
Speaker 1:I don't know that part, you know, but we don't have them, days where we was just you know we really needed a man.
Speaker 3:that thing was trash, I just could have held it a little longer, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh God, dang, it wasn't even what I was thinking about. You was doing all that bragging. That should have known when I'm doing all that bragging.
Speaker 2:It wasn't going to mean nothing, but yeah. Or when you don't say nothing, then I'm like well, why. I'm like well what he just said. I'm going to just add it on my taxes as charity.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to tell you. You wrote that out as a charity right.
Speaker 2:I take it as charity.
Speaker 1:I'll be like oh, I'm still selling it, because that wasn't even nothing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, waste of time. Yeah, it was a waste of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah you know you have to scratch that out, I've been there a couple times like well, it was a little while before you get some action and then a woman like we got to go on dates.
Speaker 3:I know a couple nice places I never took a woman before. I went there with the guys Like take her in here, put my dress clothes on and she show up like sweatpants. Oh wow, major no-no.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not hitting that, no, it's a time to get a coat and y'all were on a date? Did you? Did she even ask you what the dress code was?
Speaker 3:no, it was just kind of like, all right, I'll meet you there. We didn't even talk about that. It was kind of like, all right, I'll meet you there.
Speaker 1:I always got to discuss the dress code yeah I do too, yeah, yeah, I gotta discuss that because I don't want to come there and be overly dressed, or he come there, he's overly dressed and I'm not enough, you know. So it's all about communication. That's the key to a successful poly relationship or monogamous relationship yes, definitely. So you got to learn how to communicate.
Speaker 3:I'm always going to overdress, every time.
Speaker 2:Or don't just come down and show your work clothes Now.
Speaker 1:For me Don't just sound like daddy. Five pairs of jeans. Daddy ain't got not one pair of jeans. He's wearing slacks all his entire life.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:My dad. He he's wearing slacks all his entire life. He did not believe in wearing jeans.
Speaker 3:A man should wear slacks. Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2:But for me, I think, if it's just like I'm getting like a what you call it, just go out for drinks and I know I'm getting off from work. I'm like if you just got off from work, keep your work clothes on and make sure they look presentable, and I'm getting off work, we just of quick drinks or two and then that's it. But if we're actually going out.
Speaker 1:I'm looking busted, busted and I'm looking half a decent.
Speaker 2:So I don't do mechanics. Oh, I have a preference.
Speaker 1:But why didn't you go home and clean up though?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he could do that, Because mechanics can make some decent money too. Boo, yeah, they do. I know a lot of pay. Yeah, you finally want nothing. Now, I'm not putting on making six figures. It might be another nationality, that's what I'm just saying.
Speaker 2:God don't scare me. Somebody's bills been a good thing.
Speaker 3:I like that energy right there.
Speaker 2:At least you get a home cooked meal and breakfast.
Speaker 1:You can stay at home, baby, I'm going to go work. No, no, no, we're going to both work. I can't. You can stay at home, baby, I'm going to go work.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, we're going to both work. We're both going to work, because I can't be that stay at home chick, right, I can't do that. Nah, I can't do that. Nah, it depends. You can work from home too, I need to go out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm a homebody. I got me a whole shirt to my homebody.
Speaker 3:Real shy, you know quiet. Oh, you got a little shy.
Speaker 2:I brought her out of that shit he brought her out of that what we ain't doing?
Speaker 1:none of that. They say it's always the shy ones, right? Yeah, in the hot air balloon, do something dangerous, you know? Oh, you're trying to do some real dangerous stuff.
Speaker 3:I don't know about that. I'm afraid of heights. Yeah, I don't like stuff like that either. They're going to know how to have a balloon and we got to have a parachute and stuff with us Shit.
Speaker 1:And we got to make sure we ain't in no water a long time.
Speaker 2:It'll come back to you Instincts. It'll come back to you.
Speaker 1:You get rusty too, because I ain't rode a bike in a minute. But when I get on that bike I know how to ride it. You know what I'm talking about. I'm just saying you know you get on the bike.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, you be following yourself.
Speaker 1:Look at y'all mine and the dog. You can do it. You can ride your horse. Take the training wheels off her.
Speaker 3:And ride that box. But yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a fact though? Yeah, definitely, but I'm just going to say I enjoyed this conversation, and I hope our viewers did too. And again, like always, is there anything that y'all want to leave with the viewers?
Speaker 3:Yeah, just go follow me at Berserk B-A-Z-U-R-K. Dabandit D-A-B-A-N-D-I-T-0-7-1 on Instagram or Berserk B-A-Z-U-R-K 071 on all other social media platforms.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I heard that.
Speaker 2:The bandit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I heard that and, as far as me you know, now, if this is something that you're intrigued and you're interested in doing, do you. Now if it's not cool, don't do it. But I just felt like this was an important topic because I've been hearing about a lot of spiritual folks that are starting to turn into the poly relationship, and so I was just like why not bring that out on me? We talk about spiritual stuff, so why not talk about poly relationships? So that's why, you know, he told me we would be interested in coming on this show and talking about it. So I was like yay. So, with that all being said, like always, like share and subscribe, leave your feedback below and until the next episode, bye.