Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast
“Is it ok to have dating preferences?”
What if your checklist for an ideal partner is the very thing keeping you single? Join us on Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast as we unravel the complex world of dating preferences and standards with our insightful guest, Nisha Q the Alchemist. We dive into the real reasons behind our partner choices, exploring the tug-of-war between meaningful values and societal pressures. You'll hear about the critical role of self-awareness, flexibility, and respect in finding a compatible match, making you question if it's time to rethink your criteria.
In this engaging episode, we explore the balance between material desires and intellectual connection. Physical attraction and financial stability often top our lists, but our discussions reveal that authenticity and effective communication hold even greater importance. Hear personal stories and expert insights on the necessity of realistic expectations and mutual respect, as we discuss the disparity between what we seek in a partner and what we offer ourselves. Whether it’s about appearance, status, or personal growth, we’ll guide you through finding a middle ground that fosters healthy relationships.
We also tackle societal influences on dating preferences, including the growing acceptance of interracial relationships and the impact of family dynamics. Our conversations emphasize the importance of expanding one's horizons and being open to new experiences. The episode culminates in a call for listeners to reevaluate their dating standards, especially if they’ve been single for a while. By embracing flexibility and openness, you might just find unexpected compatibility and lasting love. Tune in for a fresh perspective on what really matters in the dating world.
What if your checklist for an ideal partner is the very thing keeping you single? Join us on Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast as we unravel the complex world of dating preferences and standards with our insightful guest, Nisha Q the Alchemist. We dive into the real reasons behind our partner choices, exploring the tug-of-war between meaningful values and societal pressures. You'll hear about the critical role of self-awareness, flexibility, and respect in finding a compatible match, making you question if it's time to rethink your criteria.
In this engaging episode, we explore the balance between material desires and intellectual connection. Physical attraction and financial stability often top our lists, but our discussions reveal that authenticity and effective communication hold even greater importance. Hear personal stories and expert insights on the necessity of realistic expectations and mutual respect, as we discuss the disparity between what we seek in a partner and what we offer ourselves. Whether it’s about appearance, status, or personal growth, we’ll guide you through finding a middle ground that fosters healthy relationships.
We also tackle societal influences on dating preferences, including the growing acceptance of interracial relationships and the impact of family dynamics. Our conversations emphasize the importance of expanding one's horizons and being open to new experiences. The episode culminates in a call for listeners to reevaluate their dating standards, especially if they’ve been single for a while. By embracing flexibility and openness, you might just find unexpected compatibility and lasting love. Tune in for a fresh perspective on what really matters in the dating world.
Hello, this is Toni from Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast. I am the host and I do have some guests with me Nisha Q the Alchemist, all right, so today this is episode 20 and we're talking about is it okay to have dating purposes? Because, you know, these days people want to pick on you and want to talk about you because you got dating purposes. But I don't feel like, you know, it's that bad. You know, at the end of the day, you want what you want and you like what you like, and if it takes you a while to get it, then guess what you want, because you're being picky and having your dating preferences is gonna have to take you a little while. But, um, having dating preferences is a come is, it's coming and it's natural part of a dating process.
Speaker 1:People often have preferences based on a variety of factors, such as physical appearance, personality traits, values, interests and lifestyle choices. However, there are several important aspects to consider regarding dating preferences. So, of course, we got the self-awareness, we got the flexibility, we got the respect, you know, we got non-discrimination, all kinds of different things. But I'm going to go ahead and get started with my guess. Um, understand why you have certain purposes, but are they based on meaningful values and capability, or are they influenced by superficial or societal standards?
Speaker 1:your purposes when it comes to dating oh, you want me to go first, okay, yes, um, like I can read it back out to you because I know it was kind of long. Like are they based on meaningful values and capability, or are they influenced by superficial or societal standards when it comes to your dating purposes?
Speaker 2:I think both, because you don't know what you like. You don't know what you like. You don't know what you like until you're with someone and what's something that doesn't that irritates you, that you haven't had before Two.
Speaker 2:It's your personality trait. You need to know who you are as an individual. So when it comes to dating or mispurposes that you don't like, you can pick them out right away. Or sometimes it takes you a little bit longer, because after that six months to a year representative, that's when they truly start to show their colors, that they're actually, if they y'all living with each other. It shows that you know. Hey, now I get to finally see how this person is, and this is something I'm not used to or I don't like and I don't, I'm not going to accept it. So, um, then there's also you thought that you liked, because you like their stuff that they do, because you want to get to know them and come to find out. That's not what you really like. You just, you know, stringing them along to get to know them, to do other stuff. You know, things like that Get them cookies.
Speaker 1:Okay, what about you?
Speaker 3:Kim Cookies. I'm going to go off of values because you got to have to value. My time is valuable. I'm not going to get down wasted on no one, and I'm going to show you who I am from the get go. You know what I'm saying. This is what you see, is what you go get. You know, and I'm straightforward, I'm stand up. You know some people don't like that. Some people that you know want the watered down version. But I'm authentically uncut raw.
Speaker 3:I just got to give it to you the way it is. And you know, I just know, when it comes to those things, you know you got to have a good mindset. You know, and be able to communicate, be able to reciprocate the energy the way it needs to be done. You know, Just the work, if you're willing to put in the work and it's more of a I'm more mental. You know, uh, just the work. If you're willing to put in the work and it's more of a um, I'm more mental. You know I want the mental orgasm before it comes to the uh, body type of thing.
Speaker 1:You know so you could touch me on that intellectual level.
Speaker 3:I'm good, you know I'm saying so, that's why I'm at. You know, if we can't hold a, you know, hold a good platonic conversation or able to talk on that level you lost me.
Speaker 1:I ain't going back. You're dead poor.
Speaker 3:I honestly lost me. So it's not as much as the body when it comes to me, because the thing about it, you can have a person's mind and your body could be there and your mind wouldn't even your body, it wouldn't even matter. So, when it comes to that part, give me that mental aspect of you first. Let me see where we can go with that first, and then it could lead into other things so that's what I meant with it all right, what's up?
Speaker 1:um, I don't think my um dating preference standards are superficial. I just feel like, um, they're just you a few preferences that I actually would prefer. You know, I guess I have my standards and stuff. So you know, I want what I want and I like what I like, you know. So I guess you know that's my little two cents on that.
Speaker 1:But while having preferences is normal, being too rigid can limit your dating pool and potentially cause you to miss out on meaningful connections, which is true. Ok. So being open to meeting people who might not fit your ideal checklist perfectly but could still be a great match, all right. And then it's essential to respect others' purposes as well. You, just as you have your own set of criteria, others have theirs.
Speaker 1:Mutual respect is crucial for healthy dating interaction. So you know, in other words, when people start trying to, you know be evil or mean, because they feel like, oh, you, you want this, you want that, but you look like this, that, that, or you ain't making this, this, that, but you want this person, or you could be making that and you expect for that person to make that. So you know it's just being respectful, because you know, at the end of the day, a person have their own dating purposes and you can't sit here and knock them for that. You can't sit here and try to comfort them because they obviously are not into you or they're rejecting you or they're not your cup of tea, right.
Speaker 1:Or you're not, that you know, you're not that cup of tea and stuff like that. So yeah, I would say what are the most common dating preferences people have and why? What do you feel like are the most common dating purposes people have and why?
Speaker 3:Basically communication.
Speaker 1:You think that's all people be worried about is some communication, communication they look at the looks.
Speaker 3:They look at how tall a man is. They want a six feet or taller. I don't want five, six. So height does play a role, you know, if she got a good body, this and that, like I say, everybody's different man, everybody's different.
Speaker 1:So when you sit down and chat with your homeboys, y'all don't be sitting here talking about what type of women y'all like when you're chatting with your homeboys.
Speaker 3:See, some of my homeboys get mad at me because the simple fact that it was like, you know, we could go out and go somewhere. Oh man, you see her, she bad. Just because she bad, that don't mean she need to be in my energy. I don't rock like that.
Speaker 1:Everybody's wired differently.
Speaker 2:So, as you see, there you go, as you see even your friends and stuff can have different dating preferences, because they might see her with a big booty or a big breast and stuff and be like, oh, she, fine.
Speaker 1:But then as they get to know her, they be like oh that bitch crazy, she toxic.
Speaker 3:They'd be like ooh, that bitch crazy. Yeah, but she or she delusional you know, so, yeah, or she just don't know how to talk about it.
Speaker 1:That's all she wants to talk about. Is money, money, money, money versus, you know, having an intellectual conversation, like you said how she want to materialize.
Speaker 3:It's a toss-up, it's a give and take. My thing is, you know, I believe like I, straight up. That's how I look at it, you know. So when it comes to that aspect, you know I can't speak for other men, but on my standard, you know what I'm saying. She gotta she can't look hard on the eye. You know what I'm saying she gotta be you know she gotta.
Speaker 1:You can't put that brown paper bag on my face, right? Why not, why not? You know, she gotta have a good look too.
Speaker 3:No brown paper bag on my face if they look that bad on the face everybody had on the bag came off the next morning and you wake up and you be like oh yeah, like who are you with?
Speaker 1:they need love too.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, they need love. They got a niche of love.
Speaker 3:No, no, no that ain't gonna work. They need love too, but at the same time it has to play a part. You know what I'm saying it has to play a part. You know what I'm saying. I'm not too rounded about the. She got to have a bad, bad body and all that. You know what I'm saying, just something, just to fit my hands. You know what I'm saying I got big hands, but you know, but you know just something just to just to, just to what the before or after he said the small that lower.
Speaker 2:KC.
Speaker 1:It ain't got to be the big C.
Speaker 3:No, no, no.
Speaker 1:Not my big C, like a little handful. It ain't got to be a hunk of handful, okay, okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:You know what? I'm saying you got to be able to pick them up too. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:You got to be, you know all that type of stuff, but what I'm saying is that 300, some pounds or something like that, because I know you can bench about that much.
Speaker 3:No, no, a little bit, a little bit. I don't want to do a workout when I come from the gym. I don't want to do that. I want to have something I can have fun.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm talking about have fun with, so you have dating preferences, as you see you do, because you're saying I want them to be a certain size.
Speaker 2:That's part of a dating preference. I'm picking your brain right now. I'm picking your brain. I'm trying to see what is your type. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you want a handful, but what type of handful you?
Speaker 3:know what I'm saying? One cheek, one cheek. You know what I'm saying. It ain't got to be a whole.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying oh goodness, I can't.
Speaker 3:But I don't want to be a clowning man.
Speaker 1:So what about you? What, um, what are the most common dating purposes um that you feel people having? Why? Because I'm gonna tell y'all mine. I'm just waiting to be out of the talk well, I don't.
Speaker 2:They can't be shorter than me. That's, that's, that's. No, that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1:So how tall are you barely five six?
Speaker 2:she's barely five six, yeah yeah, you know, but just no tallness. And then I have a. I don't know if I have a type, but it's like I like the bad boys oh yeah, no type um, that's the thing that I like right. So you, when you say you don't have no?
Speaker 1:time, I'm sorry, it just made me think about right yeah, it's just yeah, yeah well, okay, well, I think the most common dating purposes. I see a lot of people is they be saying, oh, I want that man to make six figures. Um, I want him to be six feet and taller. What else I be seeing, cause I be watching a lot of dating.
Speaker 2:They better have a yacht and I ain't gotta go to work and right and then and then.
Speaker 1:What I like is when, um, my it's when my girl, when she be asking the question like, well, how much do you make if you got to make six figures? Oh, I only make $30,000 to $40,000. But why did he got to make six figures if you only making $30,000 to $40,000? You know what I'm saying. So like I be seeing all these people saying how they want the manager to do this and how they don't want them to have so many children, right, but then they got five or six children.
Speaker 1:So how you not going to want that guy to have five or six, seven or however many he might have, but then you got five or six kids. How you going to want him to make over six figures, but you don't even make no more than six figures? It's like you got to be a little bit more careful, realistic, you know, and realistic on what it is that you want, because you might be asking for too much. I mean again for too much. Again, you are entitled to what it is that you want because that is your dating preference.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, let's be realistic. You got to match it too. Now you got to be asking for this and that and you can't even provide none of that. You can't even bring none to the table. You can't even bring it halfway to the table and stuff. But it is a man that will be okay with a woman with those preferences.
Speaker 2:She got to be snack size.
Speaker 1:Put it to you like that, but you got to make five or six figures, though you say she got to be snack size.
Speaker 3:With the list right that men or women come out with. We have to concentrate on being a list instead of asking what we want on the list. So you got to match the list of what you're asking for. It's all about reciprocation.
Speaker 1:So, whatever you're putting on that list to write out, concentrate on looking at that list and studying that list and becoming a part of that list too as well. Right? So Okay, how can having preferences impact one's dating life positively and negatively? So how do you feel like having these preferences can affect your dating life, positively and negatively?
Speaker 3:Well, you know, some people might not fit my standards or whatever, like that. You know it's like, oh, it's cool.
Speaker 1:I mean, it is what it is.
Speaker 3:It is what it is, you know, because, see, honestly, I'm really a loner. I can go to sleep and be good by myself. It's a choice of me, just like love is a choice. So I have a choice if I want to have somebody in my energy or not. But who does not want to be loved or have to share with somebody on this journey, who doesn't?
Speaker 1:Right, you know, but you got to pick the right mate.
Speaker 3:You got to find out, you know, because that person that you pick is a reflection of you, so you have to understand that part too as well, when it's come out to choosing your mate.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What about you? What was the question? The question is um how can having preferences impact one's dating life positively and negativity um negatively?
Speaker 2:well, you have to get along for one of you two being together, because you do bounce off each other's energy. And then also there's a situation where you know sometimes y'all might not like the same things each other like. Just if you're that supportive, you'll go along with that person, even though it's my first time doing it. Let's you know, continue to do it. Or you feel like that I lost my thought Because I'm like you ain't even answering the question.
Speaker 1:All right, let me jump in here. All right, let me jump in here, okay. So, um, I feel like sometimes, um, dating purposes can impact people life negatively and positively. Because if your preferences are not realistic and they just way out there, it's gonna make it harder for you to find, um, someone that matched those preferences. And then on the positive side, you know, I would say like on the positive side, it could be positive, because if your dating preferences isn't that bad and you got so many people you know wanting to mingle and get to know you and and talk to you, then that's a good thing. But if your dating preferences is just kind of unrealistic, then you're going to have a hard time trying to find somebody. You're going to keep having those preferences and then one day you're going to be like, okay, I'm 50 years old, all right, let me change these dating preferences up. So you know.
Speaker 3:But you got to go outside. They're clocked in.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got these preferences, I'm sticking to them. But then, as you stick to them, a year go by, two years go by, three years go by.
Speaker 2:So that's going to make you start saying okay, maybe I, maybe you reevaluate something like you know some of my dating preferences.
Speaker 1:You know to be open to all nationalities and stuff, you know. So it just makes you want to say, okay, I know I liked and prefer to date my own, but I'm going to be open to all. So it'll just make you start kind of like changing and switching them up. You know what I'm saying. Are you open to all of your? Are you open to all the different nationalities? That's out here?
Speaker 3:Certain preferences, certain preferences, but black is beautiful, black love is beautiful.
Speaker 1:I agree, but all nationalities are beautiful. I never really just stepped out, I never really just stepped out outside.
Speaker 3:I never really just stepped out. Be open to it, I never really just stepped out outside. I never really did.
Speaker 1:You never stepped outside your culture? No, never. You only dated inside your culture. Yes, well, I don't step out. So it is what?
Speaker 3:it is. I have to. Yes, yes, you know what I'm saying. When I was younger, I had woman. Okay, there we go. I'm in charge when I was younger, but other than that, I never. That really didn't count because I was 18. I was young.
Speaker 1:It don't matter, you can be in relationships when you were in high school. Some people in high school sweethearts, they get married. Okay, well it counted. Okay, yeah, I can tell, you said 13, but you said 18.
Speaker 3:She was the only one, but other than that, it was just always just.
Speaker 1:Did your mom and your grandmother and all them like her.
Speaker 3:Oh no, it was like kind of sort of, but she was missing little screws.
Speaker 2:She was crazy. They know, baby, they know she was crazy. He said she was missing a couple screws.
Speaker 1:She was crazy.
Speaker 3:Mama know Back off of that.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay okay, what about you, nisha? Oh, I didn't have my. What is your?
Speaker 1:preferences Like, if you you know whatever date and be open, what nationalities would you be open to?
Speaker 2:I guess the Hispanic and I like Cubans. Okay, all right Me.
Speaker 1:I'm just open. You know, if you Look at me, if you guys, because I was about to laugh.
Speaker 2:No, if you guys great conversation.
Speaker 1:You honest, trustworthy, you make a decent amount of money. You ain't got no busload full of kids, not no multiple baby mamas. At the most, I would say three.
Speaker 1:Oh, you generous, I would have said one Well, that's because you don't have no kids. But I got children. I got two different fathers. My sons are grown, but they do have two different fathers. So at the end of the day, I could extend one extra one. Okay, wrong, but they do have two different fathers. So at the end of the day, I could extend one extra one.
Speaker 1:So, okay, and I would say, you know, just as long as you intellectual and you ain't all intended just straight texting and you know how to communicate and talk, I can't do no matter. All you want to do is text all the time. It's okay to text, I understand, when you're busy, where you can't talk on the phone, but I'm saying, when you're not at work, let's communicate. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear how you talk. I want to see if you know how to you know pronunciate your words and if you know how to communicate and talk, because some folks they don't really know how to communicate and talk. I be, you know, listening to some people and I be like, okay, next, okay, who's next on the list, you know. So I want you can meet out of that and you know, it don't matter what nationality you are. You're working with a little something. So yeah you know, then we're good.
Speaker 3:So the next question is Anybody to expand my horizon? I have to give you a little bit more flavor.
Speaker 2:There, yeah you guys.
Speaker 1:That's fine, because you got to understand when you got this selective, you know dating preference, and you don't start opening and expanding, because I used to be like I want to just totally stick to my culture. But then I started saying, well, you know, let me just start opening. I'm telling you, you'll start having them come, you get, you know, you'll be part of that. You know, white woman, uh, what they call it now, the, the black woman effect. So it'll be the, uh, the white one, the black man, white woman effect, whatever they want to call it however they would say it.
Speaker 1:But yeah, you'll be part of that. Okay, look at y'all. Okay, that's so crazy. But um, where is the line between having preferences and being discriminatory? You know, just discriminating basically, and this ain't got nothing to do discriminating with color, so it's just discriminating on the person. Period, you know how you're, you know when you know your preferences can be so picky to the points where you're just basically discriminating yeah, you can't.
Speaker 3:You can't ask for a person to fly if they ain't got wings. You know what I'm saying? You can't ask for those things, man. So you gotta be realistic with your, with your, with your. You got to be understanding Real boom. You got to be understanding with your preference, man, really, when it comes to me, if you can hold a good conversation, you have an intellectual, a good mindset. It ain't so much of when it comes to me, of looking at the finances, because we can build that together. We could build, we could build.
Speaker 1:Okay, an example for you then, because you say it has nothing to do. So you would be okay if a woman was only making like $25,000, $30,000 a year.
Speaker 3:Well, if we could build, and we could build that together, we could take those things and we could build.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay. Well, that's a great thing. So what if she was only making like maybe $18,000,?
Speaker 3:$20,000 a year, we can build. I always look at to where we can take things and we can if we come together. I take mine and take yours.
Speaker 1:We come together, we can build with that. I like that, we can build, Because some men be like nah, she got to be making a little bit more.
Speaker 3:You know, so I like what you said. Really what you said, really really, because, like, if you want to think about it, time is alive, money is. You know, money is really illusion if you go there but we needed to live here, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So question what if you were making six figures? Do you feel like whatever, um, your mate or the woman that you do decide to get with, would have to be making it?
Speaker 3:man, I take a girl from burger king man okay, yeah, I heard that all right, that's what's Straight up the simple fact is, if I got something I could take you, we can build together. I look at building. You know what I'm saying. That's for a man period. I can't understand for certain. I can't explain for other men, but when it comes to me, I look at things that we can build. We can build, we can create, we can come together, we can manifest together. That's what it's really all about, right, when it comes to, you know, companionship, relationship, everything. It's finding a way to where you can communicate and, you know, reciprocate the energy, the love and build.
Speaker 1:And I appreciate it. I like that, but everybody had their own opinions and dating purposes.
Speaker 2:So, nisha, you next, because I can't say the same. Me making my six figures, and they were made. What?
Speaker 1:30,000 a year no, I can't say it if I can take a man from Burger King oh my god, that's why I didn't want not Burger King, but I like the baby that you get, but I can't say the same that's like going to Amazon, I might as well, just go ahead and pay out of bills, but yeah, majority of them, but yeah.
Speaker 3:Everybody's preference is different. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree.
Speaker 1:And that's what makes the world go round. Everybody's not the same. We're all different, but not Burger King. You want to take me over?
Speaker 2:Burger King. You got to be the mechanic. You can be the mechanic, I just can't do basketball.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's do a mechanic. That's what's up. What about warehouse?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:You don't want a man to be working at the warehouse. No, why? Because?
Speaker 2:they don't have everybody in the warehouse, not all the time.
Speaker 3:Hold on, wait a minute, let's put some cut up in it, because not every man is like that.
Speaker 2:No, not every man, but the horror stories I've heard, it does happen. I don't work at them before. Oh, I have too Amazon. I mean oops, See, that's different.
Speaker 3:See, see, see. Oh, she done, told it. See, that's, that's, that's that's.
Speaker 2:Then they make good money too with your product it's different.
Speaker 3:It's different. You know, since I've been, I never ran into that experience of that's good dealing with that type of stuff.
Speaker 1:You know everybody have different standards and different words when it comes to themselves, you know right, you know the energy exchange hits different when it comes to that.
Speaker 2:I totally agree okay.
Speaker 1:So how can individuals balance their preferences with being open-minded? You know what I'm saying Like just being open-minded. Do you feel like you're open-minded when it comes to balancing your dating preferences? Sometimes, I think.
Speaker 2:I ask for too much.
Speaker 1:Really Okay. What about you? Do you feel like you're open-minded when it comes to your dating?
Speaker 3:purposes. I'm open-minded because the simple fact is you don't know what journey that person is on and you might have a little bit more than that person, but that person might be just getting on their feet or might just be getting.
Speaker 1:And might take off and blow up better than you, that's all I'm saying. That part.
Speaker 3:So you can't case because of where the person is at at that moment. That's not the destination. That's not a destination.
Speaker 1:Okay, but let me ask you a question If they're in their 40s or 50s.
Speaker 3:Oh, no See now, hey, yeah you, that's what.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about, Like if they're in their 40s and 50s.
Speaker 2:I ain't just talking about starting out in life.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, see, that's a different answer. I'm sorry, I got a little different dating preference. I can't take the Taco Bell or the McDonald's. That's a different answer.
Speaker 3:That worker you know, because you have to understand you know, if you got some and if we communicating, you got some things, you got some visions with certain things. It's all about your mindset, I'm like a goal-oriented man that has visions and goals.
Speaker 1:If you're not goal-oriented, you can't even look my way, because you ain't trying to do nothing with your life.
Speaker 3:I don't need it.
Speaker 1:I'm a very goal-oriented person.
Speaker 3:So my thing is that if you got a vision and I already got a vision I'm trying to get five streams of income this year.
Speaker 1:Point of no return. I'm going to get it. Okay, I'm just messing with you, but what were you saying, though, about the date of preference?
Speaker 3:But what I'm saying is that where she at and I know that's not her destination If she's going, you know, and trying to move up, I get it, Okay, let's go. But if you're trying to stay stagnant, baby, look, you got to do something.
Speaker 1:You got to get up Okay,500". You're being open minded, so would you be open minded today?
Speaker 3:If she got a good heart.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. She has a good heart, she's a really sweet person and she's working on trying to lose weight. Would you be open minded? I'm the perfect guy.
Speaker 3:That's all I'm just trying to say. Let's work it Okay, let's work it Okay. It's all about work.
Speaker 1:You got to be open-minded.
Speaker 3:You can't just say oh, no they got to be a fun size.
Speaker 1:Let's work. No, they can be whatever size she's always joking. I was joking about snacks. Oh, okay, okay, but as long as they're working on trying to change Most definitely. Yeah, cool, cool.
Speaker 2:I had to do something. What the open-minded and 350.
Speaker 3:No, because my thing is it's like okay, now work, help me, help you, let's work Right, because just like on that, why did I get married?
Speaker 1:Look at Jill Scott. She was real big and you know how her dude did her.
Speaker 3:He went and met with her best friend and stuff like that Look at Jill now boy.
Speaker 1:Now look at Jill. He was like damn, I want Jill back. She's good, you know. So you just got to be careful in how you treat people, just because you never know.
Speaker 3:You never know what they could be going on.
Speaker 1:And next, thing, you know, look, she got with that guy.
Speaker 3:Everything could change. Everything could change and she took him to. Atlanta. That man played Bob the Builder man.
Speaker 2:Yes, we can Look at you. I can't do it. I can't do it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so how do cultural and societal influences shape our dating purposes? How do you feel?
Speaker 3:Well, when it comes to that, like you know, when I was younger I stepped outside, you know, but you know I'm honestly.
Speaker 1:I'm really open, I'm open.
Speaker 3:I'm open because you never know love is love. You never know who you can love. It don't matter what color you are, what color you are.
Speaker 1:You know love is love. We all the same color when we cut that light, switch off at night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I'm clear, I'm clear.
Speaker 1:Six feet tall, Okay. So what about you, Nisha? How do you feel cultural and societal influences shape our dating preferences?
Speaker 2:I think now it's more open than anything. Yes, don't you see?
Speaker 1:more multicultural people dating, like you see. You know white men, black women or black women, or even Hispanic, like whatever. It's just all kinds of nationalities do it. Because I noticed back when I was growing up, back in the 80s and the 90s you didn't see that it was like you got to be with your culture you very rarely, and when you did see it you look like what it was shocking because you very rarely saw that. But I do know since I moved to Texas.
Speaker 3:I want to get into all those type of things you going to have them call you Papi Chula. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm not weird. Yes you do. Well, that's good. So look, you're getting more up in my list, so that's cool. You don't care about the culture or society or what they say on dating within your race and I love Mexican food oh. I did too, but I still love it. What about you? Yeah, that too taco tuesdays no, I'm saying about as far as no, no, but I think it's more.
Speaker 2:I think, since I've moved here too and I've seen that you know it is very open and I don't give some people some side eyes, I was like, wow, you know, growing up in tennessee we weren't allowed to do that yeah with a certain race. We're two races or you don't mix at all. It's frowned up here. It's like oh, I can date such a. Oh well, he's nice. Well, who is that it's acceptable here? I think it's pretty cool.
Speaker 3:You don't get chopped down by family.
Speaker 1:Yes, your friends. What?
Speaker 3:you doing dating that person? Family or yes, because man back in the day, that was my thing your friends what?
Speaker 1:you doing dating that person? You know like they used to. I guess that's the main reason why. I did not date outside of my race because it was more like family, and then you know, it's like oh, they's not, they're not your, and I'm like wow, okay.
Speaker 3:Well, now I move here. I'm like okay, you got a Napoleon, you got an awful.
Speaker 1:Roger, you got a basketball. This ain't Louisiana, this Texas baby, Right, right, so you know I'm up to 24 years.
Speaker 3:It's getting up. It's getting up.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, okay, Me I would say how do cultural society influence the shape? Now it is being more open to see people date outside their races versus how it was a couple decades ago. So I feel like society does play a factor. It's letting people know like love is love. It doesn't matter what color you are, it doesn't matter what nationality you are. If you love that person, you want to be with that person, be with them. You know what I'm saying. So the dating preferences is more open and actually I like that. Now, you know, because you know I don't feel like we should have to stick to our race, which I would love to, but you know, I feel like it's nothing wrong also with being over Right, because that makes it you have a bigger selection versus.
Speaker 2:You know, have a little small selection Right and you might be missing out on a person that's actually a different.
Speaker 1:You could be missing on the right one because you sitting here like I'm just just gonna stick with my own, okay. What role do personal values and experiences play in forming dating preferences? What role do personal values and experiences play in forming, uh, dating preferences? Like you know, when you're forming and making those dating preferences, what role do you feel like it plays, like your personal values and stuff like that that you got like they gotta do this, they gotta make this, they can't handle a little bit of kids under because, I ain't gonna lie, one of my dating preferences is, um, I prefer, um a man kids to be teenagers or older and it's only because both of my sons are grown, so I'm not having to deal with no little babies other than my handsome beautiful grandson.
Speaker 1:Love you, baby. But other than that, you know that's whenever I do see him like I don't have to worry about no kids running through the house and let me get off my furniture, stop doing it, you know. So it's kind of like do I even want to go back through that field? And I understand, okay, tony, that's mean, that's not nice. He might be helping, he might got started late. Okay, I understand that.
Speaker 2:But but you don't have to be over there just all day with them and, knowing that you're supposed to just go by and pick them up, right.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's part of it too.
Speaker 3:No, we all meet up together at the gas station. No, at Burger King at 6. No, at the gas station, we go get them. We go about our business. Come on, baby, come get my kids. Let's go, we gone.
Speaker 1:That's how it's going to be. Yeah, but what I'm saying is so I know you don't have a problem dating a woman with children or without children and stuff, because you do have younger children and stuff. But I'm saying like if your children than someone who had younger kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I just love kids and I love running around with them.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you're more of a family value guy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we'll pull out the Nerf guns and run around we all get fussed at.
Speaker 1:That's so sweet. That's great. That's good. That you have that heart, that's good. What about you?
Speaker 2:Nisha, I prefer none, but if they did, at least I know most of them are going to have one or two.
Speaker 1:You don't want to, so you want to talk to a man who got three kids.
Speaker 3:You got to be realistic today.
Speaker 1:Come on, you got to be open-minded.
Speaker 2:I know I am, but Three, okay Three, it depends on Okay. A four, three, just say three.
Speaker 3:Because what if I want?
Speaker 1:to have one you know, so what if that man, what did that man want a big family, though that part? Yeah, because see, I come from. I come from a family my grandma had 75 grandkids.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know, my grandma had 12, 12 kids my uncle.
Speaker 1:It's about compromising, ain't it about compromising? It is, but you know free time each that free time's gonna be I got you, though that's your date of preface. Yeah, but three.
Speaker 1:But you said that date time is going to be limited. I'm too sorry about what you said, because you're going to have to be with the kids. Yeah, I know right, everybody going to call and ask you something oh, I got this weekend, I got the kids and stuff. So you'll be like, fuck, when am I going to have my? So yeah and so yeah, but yeah at that too. And then not only that, they do got to be over 10. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I had experience with a kid with writing walkers and stuff out of my car and I'm just like oh yeah. And after that I just was like I don't want that. No, man with a little big kids, no more, like you know. And I mean I did eventually, did they someone would look at, but then I just realized it wasn't for me. As I got older and older, my kids got grown. I just decided that I would prefer someone with grown kids or either teenagers or none. I'm good with that, okay. So where is the line between having okay? How can individuals balance their preferences with being open-minded? How can you balance your preferences with being open-minded?
Speaker 3:Got to be realistic these days. It's a balance and understanding that you're not going to find a woman with no kids and you're not going to find a man with no kids.
Speaker 1:It's all right. I mean it's something out there though. Yeah, it's something, it's just quite a few. But you know, when you run, most they just have kids. But if you're open-minded you'll have a better chance of meeting someone, right? If you are open to dating a man or a woman with kids.
Speaker 2:I experienced that I'm good, or none.
Speaker 1:Okay, let me see. Okay, let me see. Um, I feel like how individuals can balance their preferences with being open-minded is when you are being more open-minded you can get a better chance in the dating pool. You don't have like a slim chance to none of meeting someone. So I mean you can balance it out if you like. You don't have to, just only if you want to, because I know I don't know.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I hate sharing.
Speaker 1:It's my time. How do cultural and societal influences shape our dating preferences?
Speaker 2:Right now it's treating it like trash.
Speaker 1:You say it's treating it like it's trash. You feel like the society plays an effect on the dating? Yeah, because you know people be listening to all these dating people.
Speaker 3:What is it? The dating gurus?
Speaker 1:Yeah, the dating gurus and they saying, well, this is how you should date and do that, and that's why you ain't got nobody, because you not a high value woman. See, you got to be a high value, you know. So all of this stuff and you know. Or if you are a high value woman and you're over a certain age, oh, you too old. Now nobody want you.
Speaker 2:They want somebody young you know, or look, oh, I see you as a five, but I'm a 10. How you know you a 10? Because I said so.
Speaker 1:I came with you. I came with you, I know, you know what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're going to let him rest in peace, Drinking all them Red Bulls. You're flying already. You're my homeboy alone man. You're my homeboy, alone man no that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:You might think you were 10, but you got five in my eyes, and then I'd be like, well, you might think you were 10, but you are two in some other people's eyes, you know. So, at Just, let people have high self-esteem and think highly of themselves and don't be trying to knock everybody down.
Speaker 2:Don't clip them at the knees yet, Because right now I'm really six feet tall.
Speaker 1:in my mind, well, I'm 5'3".
Speaker 2:And so I'm going to be honest when it comes to dating purpose.
Speaker 1:I like my men to be at least 5'8 and taller. 5'8 and taller. You can't be my height.
Speaker 2:We can't be looking at each other, because now I ain't going to respect you. I'm thinking you're my brother.
Speaker 1:No, I'll respect you, but I just like to look up to you. There we go.
Speaker 3:Now you look down and pick him up Now. Do you understand me?
Speaker 1:I got to look up to you, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's see what role do personal values and experiences play in forming dating preferences to dating yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:What role do personal values and experiences play in forming dating preferences?
Speaker 2:It could make you or break you Okay.
Speaker 3:What about you Q? When it comes to those values, it's just like I was saying you know you got to have a person that has the same values on valuing your time and valuing the time you're spending together to get to know each other. So when it comes to the dating, you know you got to date with a purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, true, don't date with just. You can casual date, yeah. Or you can date to have some friends with benefits, right. Or you could date to be serious and want to, you know, take it to the next level and get married.
Speaker 3:So yeah, Right, right, but I'm about to be 41 this year. I ain't got time to be dating just to see what.
Speaker 1:He's dying with a purpose.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I ain't got time to be like you know, hey, we're going to go on this thing, we're going to do this, we're going to do this, and you know I ain't got time for that high school, that kindergarten type shit.
Speaker 1:So Right Letters. Do you like me? Yes or no? Yeah, do you want to be my boyfriend?
Speaker 3:Yes or no. Nope, I could like this and like that, but what if I like something that's not good?
Speaker 2:for me. We always tend to do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I don't. Poison tastes better.
Speaker 3:No it doesn't Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, can preferences change over time, and if so, how Do you feel like preferences can change over time?
Speaker 3:It can.
Speaker 1:What about you, nisha? It just depends on the partner. Okay, I feel like the purposes can change, because I ain't going to lie, I change a lot of my purposes because you know my friends will be like Tony, you're so picky, and I say, okay, okay, I'll start being a little bit more, you know, open-minded and I'll kind of take that off and I'll be compromising, I'll be open to this situation and that. So I mean, I do feel like your dating purposes can change over time, because you can grow, you can't get older, you can't get tired of being by yourself and be like, okay, you know what I might, you know, maneuver and deal with this and that and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I do feel like you can that's why I say, if I was a million, I'd take a regular girl.
Speaker 1:Okay, I would you know, because I don't know just, you know just all about the building point yeah, you can help her get a business and your way she'd be making a million, like you is what it is. All right close to what I have, it don't matter, okay. So I enjoyed this podcast. I enjoyed him. We talked about our different dating purposes and just people, overall dating purposes. So what do you have for the viewers and the listeners that are watching this and listening to this?
Speaker 3:When it comes to dating, be more open-minded. They have more varieties, yes, so go to Baskin Robbins and check out the varieties 31 Flavors they got 31 Flavors honey.
Speaker 1:What about you? What about you? Sprinkles too. What about you?
Speaker 2:Yes, be open-minded. Also, be aware and take time to get to know that person, instead of just rushing into what you want and have a purpose of dating.
Speaker 3:And also understand their culture.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:In terms of their dating. Yes, understand their culture, get to know more about their culture. Right, I totally agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah to their dating. Yes, Understand their culture. Get to know more about their culture, Right? I totally agree, Mm-hmm. Yeah, Get to know, because you know their culture might not like you. They might actually like you. So there's nothing wrong with dating outside your own preference, you know. Well, I wouldn't say outside your preference, but outside your race. And you know, and over time, if you feel like the dating preference list you got is not working and you see it's about 10 years that you've been by yourself, you might need to reevaluate that dating preference, Because if not, it might be another 10 years and by that time it might be even harder for you to find somebody, because by then you might be about 50, 60, you know.
Speaker 1:and I realize, because you know, you know I got this dating preference and I'm just sticking to this, you know. So you know it's nothing wrong with having preferences. I applaud anyone for having them, because I do, and I'm sure you do, when you do and you do. But we want to also make sure that they're realistic, okay, because if not, you're going to be by yourself and by yourself, and by yourself and by yourself, and you might like it. But I'm just saying, if you do want someone because you got dating preferences, then let's try to reevaluate them and be open-minded and be more open to compromising and doing some things that you might say you wouldn't.
Speaker 1:You never know, you might really actually love that person that you do meet. So, yeah, get out the norm. Goodness, all right with that. All being said, like always, please leave your feedback down below, like share and subscribe, and until the next episode, bye.