Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast
"Dating a Mommas Boy"
Ever found yourself questioning if your partner is too close to their mother? Join us on the Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast as we unpack the intricate topic of dating "mama's boys." Kamona and Nisha bare their souls, recounting personal stories where their partners' constant need for maternal approval strained their romantic relationships. We also welcome Jerry Tubbs, who shares his unique perspective as a supportive son growing up without a father, offering a nuanced understanding of how these roles can shape one's decisions and actions.
Managing family dynamics and setting boundaries are crucial, especially when a partner's mother looms large in the relationship. I share my own journey of navigating these complexities through a house meeting aimed at establishing household boundaries. The conversation expands to address the emotional weight of respecting maternal intuition while prioritizing a romantic partnership. From maintaining a civil relationship with an ex-spouse for the children's sake to the significance of keeping one's last name post-divorce, we explore it all, providing practical advice and personal insights.
The episode doesn't shy away from the broader theme of family dynamics in relationships, focusing on how parents, particularly fathers, can guide their children in love. We discuss the challenges and strains that come with dating a "mama's boy," emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries to achieve harmony in long-term relationships. Through heartfelt anecdotes and thoughtful discussion, we stress the value of teaching children to prioritize their own families and dreams while maintaining respect and care for their parents. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of these complex relationships and how to navigate them successfully.
Ever found yourself questioning if your partner is too close to their mother? Join us on the Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast as we unpack the intricate topic of dating "mama's boys." Kamona and Nisha bare their souls, recounting personal stories where their partners' constant need for maternal approval strained their romantic relationships. We also welcome Jerry Tubbs, who shares his unique perspective as a supportive son growing up without a father, offering a nuanced understanding of how these roles can shape one's decisions and actions.
Managing family dynamics and setting boundaries are crucial, especially when a partner's mother looms large in the relationship. I share my own journey of navigating these complexities through a house meeting aimed at establishing household boundaries. The conversation expands to address the emotional weight of respecting maternal intuition while prioritizing a romantic partnership. From maintaining a civil relationship with an ex-spouse for the children's sake to the significance of keeping one's last name post-divorce, we explore it all, providing practical advice and personal insights.
The episode doesn't shy away from the broader theme of family dynamics in relationships, focusing on how parents, particularly fathers, can guide their children in love. We discuss the challenges and strains that come with dating a "mama's boy," emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries to achieve harmony in long-term relationships. Through heartfelt anecdotes and thoughtful discussion, we stress the value of teaching children to prioritize their own families and dreams while maintaining respect and care for their parents. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of these complex relationships and how to navigate them successfully.
Hello, this is Toni with Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast. Today we're on episode 25. We're going to be talking about dating mama's boy. I have my co-host here, kamona, and also my guest.
Speaker 2:Jerry Tubbs Nisha.
Speaker 1:All right. So we're going to go ahead and get started, and what I'm going to go ahead and ask y'all is what exactly do y'all feel is a mama's boy, and how do you define this in a context of dating? Get started with you, nisha.
Speaker 2:Well, I feel like that they can't do anything without having their mother first, getting their her first opinion what she thinks or what she likes, and then they will also never live up to the standards of what their wife is supposed to be. Their wife is supposed to be their mother, when actually the wife is supposed to be the wife, and once you leave the home and get married. It's Christ, husband, wife, then mother, then children, then mother, okay, so it's a lot of different advantages, but I just think that some guys mothers, will.
Speaker 3:They have fluid stare decisions. Yeah, their mamas will be their woman. Think that some guys just mothers. Will they influence their decisions? Yeah, their moms will be. They want me. So can you all define what you consider to be a mom's boy? What's your definition of a mother's boy or a mom's boy?
Speaker 4:well, uh, well for me. Um, I believe, for me, my definition is a person who, like I said, get guidance from their mother and take that basically next to God's word and then from there try to live his life accordingly to him, but same time refer back to his mama.
Speaker 3:So somebody that you say that always have to include their mom in all the decisions Okay okay.
Speaker 3:I understand. I mean what I would consider their mom's boy, because to me there is a fine line between someone respecting their mother and someone, just someone, including their mother in every single thing. Like, oh okay, well, let me check in with my mom, let's see if my mom did my laundry, or you know, it's just always mom, mom, mom, or let mom move in. You think that's crossing the line, like at a certain age. So you said, let mom move in, like what's your definition of that standard?
Speaker 2:I experienced that Okay, we didn't talk about it, it was something happened and I'm getting evicted and I need somewhere to go and I'm like you know, I'm not responsible for your mother, your mother's responsible for herself exactly so yeah, okay okay I see now what if he was just really just trying to help his mom out?
Speaker 3:because we all fall as humans? We all fall, you know humans. We all fall, you know down. Sometimes we fall on hard times. So he was just trying. I mean, this is somebody that actually birthed him, so maybe he was just trying to help his mom out.
Speaker 2:When you slip and fall in colds and you get money and you spend it.
Speaker 3:Oh well, with that being said, mama, I'll help you find a place Right, exactly, I don't know, mama, I'll help you find the place right exactly. I don't know, I think if that was me, on the mama's boy thing, because I've I've been with him before I'm pretty sure we all from time to time so what was that?
Speaker 1:experience like it was like every. It's like every time mama called him he runs and jump. And I'm just like why every time your mama call you gotta go run and do what she gotta do and she got a whole grown husband over there.
Speaker 3:Oh, or man, I just didn't understand why she can't ask her husband to help her out.
Speaker 1:Why is he always calling this certain particular son son? She got a couple of son, but she always calling this one son to help her out financially and help her out with any and everything. And I just I didn't understand it. Maybe it's because she could depend on him, maybe I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure it is because he's dependable, but at the same time she got a husband. What is he there for? Ooh, I see what you was doing. I feel like.
Speaker 4:That's when a husband can step up or might even ask his sons to help out. I want to add on to that, Okay Me my mom had four boys, but three boys one girl, okay, and now I guess I'm considered a mama boy and we talked about building houses before and stuff like that, okay, and you know, in conjunction having a course, what do you call it? In-law suite or whatever for my mom also.
Speaker 1:Okay, at your house, at my house You're going to have an in-law suite for your mom to come stay at your house. Yeah, that's sweet.
Speaker 4:I've already had one, yeah, so it goes deeper for what we're talking about right now. Right it goes. I mean, unfortunately, the one you're talking about. She had a husband and doing that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's a different story, exactly I was raised without a dad, oh, so my mom really depended on her boys to become, step up, be a man of the house or whatever, and a lot of things that she told us was basically like you know, get your stuff together. You know, clean up, do this and do that, you know, be a man in the uniform. Women like this and women like that, you know. She taught us certain things. So when we out there in the world we say, well, I went to the military, my younger I went to the military, my younger brother went to the military, and, uh, you know, we experienced everything in life, but at the same time it was like we wouldn't did that if my mom didn't direct us in a certain situation. And yet she do call on me and my younger brother because we're the type of person who handle business, and, yes, she do spend her money at the casino and stuff like that and call me up, call you when she needs you, yeah, and I pay her cell phone bill.
Speaker 1:Because they know their son's going to take care of them. So I think.
Speaker 3:First of all, thank you for your service in the military. I think that what you just explained is more of the lines of respect for your mom, and I appreciate that in guys, men's that you know still be there for their moms, cause I have two boys and they are so protective of me. Now I didn't raise them to put their wife before me, but hopefully when they get older and get to that level they don't do that. But they are, mom, where are you at, you know it's. It's just, they are so protective of me. So that's why I would say there is a line between oh, I respect my mom, I'm going to be there, I will be there financially, you know, whatever she needs from me. I'm going to go run because as mothers we went through a lot of things to make sure that they had, you know, a good place to live. So that's just their way to show their appreciation for us. But I do understand the true definition of a mama's boy. You know, some of them just get carried away with it.
Speaker 1:They do because the mamas think they dating their sons well, let me go back on that, that's a whole, yeah, yeah true, true, it's the mama's out there.
Speaker 4:I'd be like does she not know. That's not her man, that's her son because it is the mothers out here they treat their son like they're a man and I think it's probably because they don't have a man and to them their son is their man.
Speaker 1:So when they need any and everything done, they call on their son.
Speaker 4:Like their son don't have a wife or a girlfriend, that they're trying to provide a new boy right and which, in long term, it would raise that man to be more aware and their needs in certain situations. Now there's a clash, yes, between having a girlfriend or a wife and then, a mama yes, I witnessed that as well. But at the same time, I feel that, as we evolve as people, we should be able to say okay, mama, cool that down. Okay, lady friend, cool that down.
Speaker 2:But the lady friend cool that down, Listen to that.
Speaker 4:But the problem is, I think for the most part is I'm going to speak on something personal. I fell in love with somebody who was just like my mom.
Speaker 3:Oh, I think a lot of me is yeah they do.
Speaker 1:They want to be their mom and woman. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then they clash big time. I'm like that's the older version of you, that's the younger version of you and that's the thing we was raised about, because, you know, a male's first love is their mother.
Speaker 2:True, a girl's first love is their dad.
Speaker 4:So I asked my son, me and my ex-wife we've been married for 17 years, got divorced in 2017 or whatever. But we stayed probably a mile apart, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:We're good. So yesterday I asked him. I said do you consider yourself a mama boy? He's like yeah.
Speaker 3:He was honest with him. He was honest.
Speaker 1:They better be a mama's boy, I'm just like. And then I got, and then he said they better be at mama's boy, I'm just like.
Speaker 4:And then he asked my. Then he said well, I consider Jay as a daddy's girl.
Speaker 2:I said okay.
Speaker 1:He's asked me why I'm like well, it's for this topic.
Speaker 4:I was wondering because I do everything for him.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, here come mother's. I'm just like it's the opposite.
Speaker 3:I love my daddy, I'm a daddy's girl. I'm a daddy's girl too, and I just yeah, anything for him, even though he has a ton of stuff. But so, even though you mad, at me.
Speaker 1:I still love your daddy so what?
Speaker 3:so, as being a mom's boy or you know somebody that's a potential mom's boy, what type of boundaries do y'all think that they should set up with on a wife level Girlfriend that's we speaking of a wife like? What kind of boundaries should be put into place when it comes to the partner?
Speaker 2:For me at the time, when I was married it was I had a house meeting. I made sure we had dinner. I invited her over and let her know, like hey, you know I do have boundaries in my household, just like you have yours in your household. And the disrespect was real. So you know, as for me, I told her, I let her know, I was like I've been disrespected in so many ways, and then you know I won't disrespect you. But on that level I was raised better than you know, coming from you know my mother and you know she. She taught me better than that. But I think that you know, as long as there's some common ground and there's no, you know sneakiness behind your back and you two can agree, and you know you should be able to talk about and get on with with everybody in the household, not just wait till we just get along for a function. It should be all the time, because you're going to need, you know they're going to need each other, no matter what happens.
Speaker 4:But you know, yeah and um, I guess you could say I need to learn boundaries.
Speaker 4:My younger brother, he got all the boundaries and mama get out my house respectfully like if that's how he feel at our time yeah, I just feel like he should be able to express how he truly feel respectfully, because at the end of the day it's still his mom and for me the whole boundary thing is like you know, I don't want to say I have a second bill but at the same time I do take care of my mom but, in the sense of having a know, having a wife, and you know there are stages to become a wife and during the stages, your mom's like I don't think she's the one- so when it Wow.
Speaker 2:That was going to be my next question.
Speaker 3:So if you're in love with this woman and you know in your heart, mind, body and soul she's the one, but your mom disagreed, how do you handle that? How does that go?
Speaker 4:You kind of just play that gray area. And you play that gray area until one is right and, unfortunately for me, my mom was right in this situation.
Speaker 1:Because, you know, mama's intuition is always right.
Speaker 3:That's true, but sometimes not all the time.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're right, not all the time, but sometimes it might be we don't like them because we might see us in them.
Speaker 3:Exactly. Sometimes we've been projecting all that woman you know insecurities.
Speaker 4:So it's just the vids and I, like I said, boundaries, I kind of was letting her in. Okay, there's my girlfriend, ends of. Okay, there's my girlfriend, there's my ex-wife. They clash, okay, you know, and it's like I come from. My mom was very peaceful, you know, growing up and stuff, and I don't raise my voice, I don't do that, we don't argue, me and my ex-wife, we didn't argue. We just, you know, separate. So when you come to the ex-girlfriend in, she's so used to rah, rah, rah and just kind of like yeah, this is a spring you know, home, everything down, like you know.
Speaker 4:It's okay, she is my ex-wife, she is my baby mama, you know. But we don't have that connection we done with that. You know, there's got to be something. Got to be something. We treat each other respectfully, you know, and, like I said, my daughter graduated, my son graduate, uh, next year he graduate, and uh, we go to games, we sit together and stuff like that. I mean, that's what family does, because we're not between.
Speaker 1:We're here for my okay, so you sit at the games with your ex-wife I think, too. I said okay my mom is nothing wrong with it, but I feel like if you're dating a woman she has to be in, she has to be secure of the woman that she is, because some women are very insecure.
Speaker 4:That's what you're telling them? I'm not, I'm very secure.
Speaker 1:They're not, but you'll know when you start being around that person that you used to be married to or dated, and it'll all show up.
Speaker 3:In the beginning. It was hard In the beginning two totally is.
Speaker 2:But last year I found ourselves in one circle and it was a beautiful feeling. Right, it was my mom and, uh, my mom, my stepdad and his uh wife did that for like years, all the way up to graduation, and you know he just looks, so it looked awkward because he's in the middle and you know he had both his wives on the side and they both had the same last name, because she never changed her last name same here, right, I still.
Speaker 1:I mean, if I changed it, I never changed her last name Same here I still change.
Speaker 3:I mean, I can change my last name If I change it.
Speaker 1:I never changed mine when.
Speaker 2:I was a kid and I never changed mine. I feel like I was.
Speaker 4:I was who I was Right. I earned that name. I told you.
Speaker 1:But y'all weren't supposed to say that, but I'm named after my father, so I got to keep the tradition going to my father.
Speaker 4:So I gotta keep the tradition going.
Speaker 1:so I'm sorry, I earned that. I worked hard for this thing I did. You can have everything else.
Speaker 3:I respect for her. Before he remarried, I asked him if it was okay for me to keep it until I remarried. He said okay.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, you earned that.
Speaker 2:What you mean. You earned that. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think I would like to have the name that I was born with, but I don't know.
Speaker 4:It's different because I see a lot of women do that, I see them keep their, their ex-husband.
Speaker 1:I'd be like if we're not together, I don't even want to have his name, but everybody's different.
Speaker 2:I didn't mind to torture him for a while, until I remarried. Oh, so I did that. I didn't torture him.
Speaker 3:I I mean at the time, I mean it was good on my resume At the time. I mean because it was easier for the boys, Because both my boys were right after him, so I'm just like it was a lot easier. But now that they older. I don't have no excuse, I just gave it back you got to give it back.
Speaker 2:I will, I will. It's coming when I remarry soon yeah it's coming.
Speaker 1:So it seems like that everybody has dated a mama's boy or either been a mama's boy, right?
Speaker 3:I mean I have you. So I he was. Mama slash had a lot of respect for his mom because he told me in the beginning that his mom would do a great deal of struggle with them. So, if she ever needed anything. But he was open with me at the beginning of the relationship he told me.
Speaker 3:Like you know, my mom is everything to me, so I respected that. You know, even the times that he couldn't go, I would go and help her, like with certain stuff, because I appreciate him telling me that up front. But there were times where I wanted him to be there for me and he was actually there doing something for her. So that becomes a conflict in a relationship at that time.
Speaker 2:But I said my right back to where he started from.
Speaker 1:What about the mamas that always want to be at the house 24 seven? They won't let their son spend time with their woman or their girlfriend or wife, and they're they just like they want to be around his son 24 seven. What about those mamas?
Speaker 3:So the sons that still live at home that bring their well, I'm gonna say that they live at home they can have their own place, but it's like mama always want to come be with them. Come be at their house first of all, mama, why you need to be at his house all the time, like why, yeah, I'm not gonna be. My oldest son has his own place. I'll go go visit, but I'm going to respect his place.
Speaker 1:Yes, because what if he wants to bring his woman over or something?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what, if he just wants to sit in?
Speaker 3:his house and, just you know, do whatever he wants.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not going to be around his house Because see my oldest son, he has his own place too, and I can count the times, on one hand, that I've been there Because, one hand, that I've been there because I don't. You know, respect, I don't know if he got a chick or somebody coming over. I want to be respectful and respect his privacy and let him do what he got to do. And I know that if he want to see his mama he knows where I live he can come see me, you know. So that's just me. I guess I just never got into my son's personal bit of that. They come to me and they tell me okay, yeah, I'm that mama. I'm gonna be like, okay, now, what's she doing wrong? You know, I'll sit down and talk to him, but I don't. I'm not that type that's going to be interfering in their relationships, and you know that was going to be my next question.
Speaker 3:If you know that your son is dating somebody that's not meant to be a life partner for him, or you know that's a bad influence, Do you step in and tell them and try to break them up and cause confusion, or do you let the situation play out as a mother or a father?
Speaker 1:okay, so if you know that the woman is no good know, that she's no good now, if I know that she's no good, and I see that she's no good for my son, I might interfere just a little bit. I'm not gonna lie, because I'll play behind my babies, on my babies, and I know they're grown men, but still they're my sons, they're my babies. I might interfere if I feel like I need to, but for the most part I'm going to let them fall on their own and learn, then they can come back to me and I'll be like I told you son did I tell you?
Speaker 3:I'm not going to tell them. I told you so, but I'm just going to be like I'm learning not to tell my boys. Oh, I told you so because they'll be like oh, you know some of them get offensive. But when you say interfere, interfere how.
Speaker 1:I gotta come up with a way to speak it back to you. Oh yeah, Son, you need me to kind of like bash her out your life so you ain't got to deal with her no more. You need me to do a healing candle to heal you or something like that, but something like that, to where you know, nothing happened. If she one of them crazy ones that keep coming back, coming back, coming back, then I'll be like, okay, that's where mama needs to step in and help out.
Speaker 4:So I'll be like that well, I feel like your mom gave you advice. That stuff you gotta take heed to because you live on this earth longer than you you that part and therefore, you have to say okay, mama, what am I doing?
Speaker 1:well, I'm not seeing that, you see, because he in love, so love is blind.
Speaker 4:And then there's a certain thing called mama bear. There's papa bear also, because I'm I have a daughter, but that mama bear instinct kick in and that's always uh intuition type thing like oh, I don't like the way she spoke to you in this way.
Speaker 1:Are y'all okay and stuff like that. Don't get me started.
Speaker 4:And as they grow within the relationship, he gonna start seeing the relationship in a different eye because he's like you know what she do?
Speaker 1:talk to me wrong. She do so as a father. I didn't say nothing.
Speaker 3:I just mouth closed. So, as a father, do you like, if you see your son or your daughter going through that at the moment, do you interfere or do you pull them to the side and talk?
Speaker 4:about it. I pull my daughter to the side. Okay, and excuse the.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 4:Say it. I say certain things. I said I call her boo-boo. I said boo-boo. The way I treat your mom, that's the way a man should treat you that part. You said anything other than that. That's wrong. So I try to be the example of who she's looking for in a man. Now, the things that she do, step in or she do whatever I say. Well, my job is to take all the BS out of the world for you to thrive in life.
Speaker 4:Now, if you want that BS, it's there for you. But at the same time, I'm going to tell you when you're doing wrong, I'm going to tell you when you're doing right, and these are the steps.
Speaker 3:Now my daughter. She ran into a few.
Speaker 4:BS and I told her.
Speaker 3:We all have. But that's how we learn. That's how we learn. There's a lot of BS out there. That's how we learn.
Speaker 4:And she's young. She's young, she got a head on, she just graduated from nursing school and started working and stuff. So she got it, Congrats Now she come to me like daddy, I want, I want your opinion, because, uh, yeah, you see, 30, I want. You know, I doubt I don't see. Yeah, and she get tired of hearing me say I told you so we do be telling them and uh, I think that's on on the side of everything yeah, let them experience the world, but say okay don't do that. Get your credit right.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:You ain't got to go out every night and drink and stuff like that Just go and chill, save your money. So I throw a little hint out there for my daughter.
Speaker 3:And my son he waits for my daughter to mess up and he's like I ain't going to do that he learned, because there is a fine line between sitting down and talking to your kids don't do this, don't do that, because we experiencing it, because we're older. But then there's a line to where you just have to let them up there. Yeah, you just. You just have to for their mistakes. Yeah, you just have to let them learn on their own. But no, I think more women's need fathers to tell them you know, hey, watch out for this third type of guy.
Speaker 1:And vice versa, because it is the day it plays a good factor when you do, because, like me and her, we both have our fathers in our lives, and these are our biological fathers. And I'm telling you, I go to my daddy, I'm like, daddy, look, he'll be like, no, you ain't supposed to do this and that you ain't finna, build or bear. No man, da-da-da. I'd be like, okay, and it's like when I meet a guy, all I can think about is what my dad instilled in my mind when it comes to a man. And you know, just you know.
Speaker 3:I just go by based on how my dad treat me. Like Valentine's Day he sent me flowers. Mother Day, he sent me flowers. You know, I just go based on how my dad treats me. So that's what from a man.
Speaker 4:And for me I tell my daughter hold up before you call me, let that man figure it out. If he can't figure it out, then call me.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 4:Because right now you be loving him and his ego and stuff like that. He's young, so he ain't going to do everything I know, so make sure he's like okay, at his point of end and then come to me and then I'll do what I need to do. But other than that, don't run straight to me, because at the same time you bypassing him he supposed to be your man that's true, okay, yeah that's that that is, that is very true okay.
Speaker 3:So how can the dynamics of dating a mama's boy affect a long-term relationship goals dealing with you know like marriage, just letting mama take over, letting your mother overstep her boundaries like a woman me as a woman, and I'm sure other women would agree we only got to take so much. We gotta only allow you, your mom, to disrespect us so many times, or whatever the situation may be, healthy boundaries needs to be in place. Yes, how do you feel about that?
Speaker 4:I feel oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4:But at the same time, I think a lot of got to do with the similarities between your mom and your, your fiance.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 4:And my mom liked to bake, cook or whatever. So at the same time you know if a woman don't like to cook and stuff. I was kind of sort of just like you know.
Speaker 1:We gonna say something because I know I'm a cook, I know I like to cook.
Speaker 4:You don't like that chicken she don't like to cook. Come on to Mama's house. That's the whole topic for me.
Speaker 1:I ain't cooking nothing.
Speaker 3:Mama gonna cook my baby.
Speaker 1:That's be. You're cooking. What Now? My youngest son? He's a mama's boy, so I gotta make that and to piggyback off.
Speaker 4:you know, like you were saying, as far as the long-term relationship, stuff like that. You know, I feel like the longer they get together or understand each other, the better your life is, because you don't want to be between each other, pushing each other like tension and stuff like that, because you want to have a happy time, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 3:Do you see your mom and your life partner being best friends? Is that something you?
Speaker 4:want Ideally yes.
Speaker 1:Well, I didn't care for mine, because me and her we didn't get along. I had to tell him look, every time your mama called you ain't got to go running. She got another son, she got a husband. So I I guess it was just something I had to get used to, and then I guess she must have knew I was, uh, getting in his ear that's my goal and we getting into it, we there at the house, I was like I don't like your mama, but she loves.
Speaker 1:No, she don't, she don't like me. She pretended like she liked me for you, you know, but I didn't feel like so my, my younger brother he's married and his wife and my mom.
Speaker 4:They like best friends.
Speaker 1:Like she had a second daughter, but that's what I want, that's the idea for me. That's what I want next go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's the idea for me that way it won't. It will be less pressure on my husband.
Speaker 1:Yes, conflict. Where you gotta, you gotta choose his mom or his woman. Yeah, be less pressure on my husband. Yes, conflict, you got to choose his mom or his woman.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so what about you? What's your take on it? Just don't do it.
Speaker 2:I had enough of bad experiences for like almost 16 years, so it was like I cannot, I just once.
Speaker 1:I see, so your ex-husband was a mama's boy yes, oh wow. I guess there's a lot of mama's boys running around out here.
Speaker 3:That's probably why they used to go on and taking care of them. You put up with that for 16 years we were really young.
Speaker 2:I met him when I was 18 okay yeah, so yeah, I think I think well funny story personal story is that we lived close by. She lived with us at one point, then we moved her down the street to where she can have her own space, okay, and then she just kept interfering every day coming to the house.
Speaker 1:See, that's the point Spending money. I don't want her living close to me Sneaking in the crib. I don't want her coming in the house Just doing all kinds of things, trying to rearrange my house?
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't do that. No, no, no. So what was your breaking point? Conversations amongst all three of you all. How did you? So? What was your break? So I think what it was. Um kovat did some wonders, so I said I was gonna buy a house, so I ended up finding it. I told him we need to move, uh-huh. So I found we lived in the suburbs. So I found a house, excited to suburbs. It was like seven miles from the ex-bururgeon. I moved way across town. So, like you said, I found a house in the suite with the backyard put a she shed, you know where we can just do our things at home. So she couldn't drive those 35, 45 minutes you know at her age, but he would run back and forth over there all the time and then she just did something.
Speaker 2:Just it was unacceptable, okay. So what I ended up doing was I was like, okay, we had that last talk, it didn't change. I was like, well, I'm selling everything.
Speaker 3:We're done, do you feel she was doing it on purpose, or do you just feel that's just who she was? That's just who she is in the video.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like I said, it worked out. So he ended up back where he started, back at her house.
Speaker 4:Wow, and that is showing that his mama had a lot of trauma.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and all that stuff, and he felt sorry for her. Yeah, she did, yeah, she did.
Speaker 3:That's why I said some boys, some boys men know that their mom have been through a lot, whether they in and out with men money, whatever the situation may be, so they start feeling sorry. It out with men's money, whatever the situation may be, so they start feeling sorry, they feel sorry. But at the same time, you know us as women's. Me personally, I would not put too much on my kids me neither. Like you know my kid, my son, you know, when he gets settled in his field, oh I'm gonna give you the world, I'm all this that go, son do that for you.
Speaker 1:I tell my son don't take care of my mama. Good, I appreciate the gesture I appreciate the same thing, mama. When I get somebody, I'm gonna do this and that.
Speaker 3:I appreciate the gesture, but take care of you and your woman. No, save, save your money don't get these things that you always say that you wanted as a kid like do that for you and I'm gonna sit back and clap for you during the process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but my mother was fine, because my mother was taking care of her from a distance. So she, she was fine. So everything she told me that was going to happen, she should just sit back and watch it. So you know, she was right, she didn't say I told you show, but she was like, yeah, we got to learn we got to talk, yeah, as humans, we have to learn.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we have to learn.
Speaker 3:Sometimes. But I'm done with the. Learn it a hard way. Yeah, learn it a hard way. Yeah, I did this head too many times. I yield to the. I stop at stop size.
Speaker 2:Now, I just roll them by and just keep going, Just like I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1:Well, can y'all share any insight or advice from, I guess, like you know, your experiences dealing with the situation for our viewers or listeners?
Speaker 3:If you're in a situation to where you dating a mom's boy, I would say try to communicate.
Speaker 4:In some situations.
Speaker 3:I don't think it's oh okay, I'm just going to break up with this person or leave this person. That's what it's called for. Hey, you know, to each his own. But I always say communication, sit down, talk to your significant other, your partner, whoever the mom. If you have to have a separate conversation, see if y'all can come to an agreement. If that doesn't work, you got to do what you got to do. But I think communication would be is it healthy boundaries, something that a lot of us struggle with?
Speaker 1:we have to learn how to communicate.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Can you read that question one more time?
Speaker 1:Yeah. What are some insights or advice from your previous relationships that you would like to share with the listeners or the viewers? Dealing with dating mama boys.
Speaker 4:Or daddy girls.
Speaker 2:Thanks, girls.
Speaker 4:Well, for my daughter I would say the man that you're choosing watch how he treats his mama.
Speaker 2:Watch how he treats his dad. Watch his moves, watch how he treats his children.
Speaker 1:If he has children, watch how he treats his children.
Speaker 4:Is he paying child support? Is he? On top of it is he there trying to be with?
Speaker 1:his kids, spending time with his kids. There you go, yeah and you know that's.
Speaker 4:It'll show you type of man that he is yes now for my son is basically the totally opposite. You know what is the? Well, I'm gonna speak on my personals. You know, when you talk to your girl and like, oh, when you're there, oh, we ain't talked in six months, what Is something wrong? Oh, he don't call me, I don't call him Red flags, you know.
Speaker 1:Red flags, Like where you going.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, we started talking two months ago and then he was like, ooh wee, you know, those are the red flags where. Don't go past, go.
Speaker 3:Just stop right there. One thing I'm adding to run run run.
Speaker 1:Watch how a person treat themselves as well yes, right, because that how you treat yourself reflects on everybody else yeah, but what if they treat theyself good and treat everybody like BS? Gotta think about that that's true too, that's still a flag.
Speaker 3:That's still a red flag. Some folks.
Speaker 1:They'll show the world to themselves or treat everybody else like crap.
Speaker 3:But I think you have to read. People treat themselves really good, but is it a? Facade. Like you know, I'm trying to, you know, show out Image.
Speaker 1:Yeah, image, or the gram or the TikToker.
Speaker 3:When I said, treat themselves how they pour it to themselves, the self love that they provide themselves.
Speaker 4:Here's the thing, and maybe it's just a woman thing Versus you know Me, the girl I was talking about. She said I would never talk to you because you don't wear nice shoes.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, I'm not trying to laugh at you and I'm like so my shoes dictate how I'm going to treat you, so my shoes dictate how I'm going to treat my kids or how I go about life. So I just broke down, my credit score broke down, my income broke down, everything. I said, well, does that dictate a lot of things? And she was like she was kind of just dumbfounded. I'm like very materialistic, but I would take care of it there you go.
Speaker 4:You know All right, you know I only got to have the best, but when I want the best, I go get it Right, you can go get it.
Speaker 1:I like that. You ain't very materialistic, that's good. If type of guy that you was out there looking for, then hey, you ain't gonna find it with him, because you know what those guys that they be looking for that be very materialistic half the time. They ain't even got that same money in their savings account. They got all this Versace, gucci or my cores or whatever and polo and stuff like that, but they stay at their mama house, at their girl house or their homeboy house, their brother house, their sister house style but they ain't got their own.
Speaker 3:That's right, not even so much of that. That they have so much lack self-respect for that, so much lack of respect for themselves. You, I've noticed people cover up in designer to to show a lot of trauma that's buried within. A lot of people cover those traumas up with these designer things.
Speaker 1:Yes, but yeah, that was her loss, her loss because at least y'all credit good is hers good exactly. I don't take a good credit score over a parachute because what she did she can't even cook you should have said I don't want her
Speaker 3:to get up she should have thought like okay, what's that credit score?
Speaker 1:Because if that credit score is hot, we could use that in the future to get some more of some good shoes Right Our business To where I could have a whole closet full of shoes, a Birkin bag.
Speaker 3:That's true If you've never seen that before.
Speaker 4:So when a real man comes in your life and starts throwing things like structure and stuff like that, you've never been structured. You think he's controlling you.
Speaker 3:He's like no that ain't control.
Speaker 2:That's called being balanced.
Speaker 4:You can't go out every weekend and expect to have money in the bank. You can't have the fly stuff and expect to have money in the bank.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something them folks that make millions of dollars and stuff like that true enough, a lot of them do walk around with designer. But the ones who don't walk around with the designer that make money. You'll never know they make money because they don't walk around with that why? Because they, too busy trying to save, be spending all that money in the snake brand stuff. They ain't even got nothing to back it up. All they got is just that.
Speaker 3:My daddy always told me don't wear your money.
Speaker 2:Don't wear your money, so true, and don't eat all your money up in there.
Speaker 1:Because you never know when you're going to eat it.
Speaker 4:I ain't going to last with a lot of money either. I used to do that.
Speaker 2:I know I did, I'm not even going to sit here and lie. I'll go to the store and cook you a nice, good meal Bake you a cake. That's what I'm saying my best friend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm getting there. That's my goal, I got to start back cooking too.
Speaker 1:I ain't going to lie I ain't going to start back cooking. I know I need to because, I ain't going to lie, I miss that home cooked soul food. Just, I went to the store yesterday.
Speaker 2:God sent me that bed, that's going to cook for me.
Speaker 1:That too, I didn't mean it's going to cook. I need somebody that's going to cook for me.
Speaker 3:I clean up all day.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 3:I ain't cooking.
Speaker 1:Well, I enjoyed it. Nisha, was there something you wanted to leave for the viewers and stuff? Just run, just run. This is what I'm going to leave with the viewers. If you like, you have a mama's boy. That's something I need to sit down and discuss and talk about, because once y'all get deeper in that relationship, you can't get mad, you can't get upset, because you knew it from the get-go that you were dating or getting serious with the mama's boy. So, at the end of the day, what happens happens. There's nobody's fault but yours, because you stayed there and you pursued it. So, with that, all being said, anybody that have any feedback, drop your feedback down below, like always, like, share and subscribe and until our next episode, bye.