Mint Miller on creating a BetterMint

Michele Miller, got the nickname "Mint" from her grandfather. She's now known to her followers as Mint and is a personal coach who knows what she's talking about...she speaks and teaches from personal experience, after healing from childhood trauma. She's a Better Mint and is helping others become a better version of themselves.

We talk about the healing process, parenting and how we have a choice to break the cycle and give our kids a better example of being healthy and whole. 

Through her work, she discovered that it all begins with setting healthy limits and boundaries and how these honor and align with our values.

She now offers a course, based on her program called "The 3 Yes Boundary Method". She's offering a free, 20-minute discovery session on her website (you can find it and other resources at bettermintpodcast.com). And check out these links to additional tools and resources we reference:

https://bettermintpodcast.com/

On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bettermintpodcast/

The BetterMint Podcast Facebook Group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1051577896002923

The story of how she got her nickname: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bettermint-podcast/id1723622669?i=1000641594465

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Cathy Heller  

Kelsey Murphy  

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Michelle Miller got the nickname Mint from her grandfather. She's now known to her followers as Mint and is a personal coach who knows what she's talking about. She speaks and teaches from personal experience after healing from childhood trauma. She's a better Mint and is helping others become a better version of themselves.

[00:00:58] We talk about the healing process, parenting, and how we have a choice to break the cycle and give our kids a better example of being healthy and whole. Through her work, she discovered that it all begins with setting healthy limits and boundaries, and how those boundaries honor and align with our values.

[00:01:15] She now offers a course based on her program, called the Three Yes Boundary Method. She's offering a free 20 minute discovery session on her website. You can find it and other resources at BetterMintPodcast. com. And check out the show notes for links to additional tools and resources we reference. Now, here is Mint Miller. 

[00:01:36] Michele Miller: Great to see you. Great to see you too. Well, tell us a little bit about you. Okay. I'm a single mom of two girls divorced and I live in the Boston area and I have been in the corporate world in meetings and events, corporate meetings and events for almost 20 years.

[00:02:00] And it just triggers my anxiety. Like you wouldn't believe, um, always has. And I always thought I was an anxious kid or just an anxious person, even as, you know, as far back as being young. Um, but I did a lot of childhood trauma healing work. That was about a year and a half ago. And in that work, I realized I'm not an anxious person.

[00:02:26] My nervous system was just programmed at a very young age to react to certain situations that I feel unsafe in. And so my coping mechanisms. As a child served me well, but as an adult, they don't serve me well. So I've literally had to retrain my nervous system to respond to things that I get triggered from instead of just react.

[00:03:00] And oftentimes as an adult, things I get triggered from work, for example, are not unsafe, but they take me back to a place where I, you know, that was, Possibly similar as a kid that made me feel unsafe, but my body doesn't know the difference. Oh, wow. Our nervous systems are programmed. So, um, I did a lot of that work and in that work.

[00:03:27] I also realized that I had some very porous boundaries. And it has taken me a long time to, it's an ongoing journey, this whole thing, um, healing from childhood trauma and wounds. And, I mean, we all have them and it's taken me a while and it's not an overnight thing. It's probably going to be something I have to manage my whole life and work on my whole life.

[00:03:59] But in that work, with my porous boundaries. I learned how to set healthy limits and boundaries in my life, and that includes. In my relationships and includes with my family, it includes with work, um, and all aspects of my life. And I've done so much work on it that I know that corporate America is not what I meant for.

[00:04:29] And there was a time where it was probably last summer where I was just taking advantage of again, again, and again, you know, like, you know, how you're, you just want to help your team or you just want to help when somebody else feels like they're drowning. Even if you're drowning, you want to help them, you know, corporate tends to keep taking as long as you'll allow it.

[00:04:55] And that's where the poorest boundaries came in. I just. Didn't know how to say no, or I wouldn't stay in my lane and I would offer to do things that was outside of the normal scope of my role. And, you know, so part of it is my fault, but there was something that I, I took on a team when somebody left. And I just wanted to help and I felt in that process as I started managing that team, I just felt very taken advantage of and the disaster that manager left that she hid very well from all of us.

[00:05:37] was then turned around to place blame on me. Oh 

[00:05:41] Penny Fitzgerald: gosh. Cause you were 

[00:05:43] Michele Miller: there. I was the one, I'm like, I'll take over the team. I mean, I can't be on every call and I can't, you know, manage. You know, I don't know the SOPs and stuff for this team, but I'll take them on. I can learn what I'll learn. I'll learn as I go.

[00:05:58] But. The best I can do is be a manager for them and help them work through issues and have 1 on 1s with them. But then it turned into more and more and more and more and taking taking and taking I was working. Like all hours. I don't even remember when I wasn't working and I was crying all the time.

[00:06:17] And it just, I'm like, this isn't okay. What am I doing? Yeah, I'm done with this. So Michele, were 

[00:06:25] Penny Fitzgerald: you managing your own team and another team then as well? 

[00:06:30] Michele Miller: So I used to be a meeting, an event planner, just to give you kind of a rundown of how it kind of works in my field. So oftentimes you, not always, but oftentimes you start, especially when, when I started, there was no schooling for what I, what we did now, they have hospitality programs and like all of that stuff in college, but they didn't have that when I was a kid and, or when I was in college and I never knew what I wanted to be.

[00:06:54] So I sort of fell into it. I started as an event coordinator. You know, it's sort of like what you were doing for the sales team when you first started in your career. Like I would be sort of the background support for the meeting managers. And then I started to do more and more and I got promoted to a meeting manager.

[00:07:13] And then from there I got promoted to either a team leader or an operations manager, managing my own team. And then from there. You know, I, I was mostly in corporate in house and then I moved over to the agency side. Um, gosh, since 2016. and so it's been that long since I've been with the agency side.

[00:07:36] Um, and. working from home, it's a whole different beast being on the agency side and I took over account strategy. As opposed to operations, which was not my wheelhouse, but I had a ton of experience in operations.

[00:07:52] I know it like the back of my hand. So it's more of the business side of managing an account as opposed to the operation side. So, okay. Making sure that there's, you know, we're abiding by our contract and upholding to the promises that we've made. You know, we're, we're hitting and and, um, you know, but any escalations go.

[00:08:17] The highest escalation is me on the account. Okay. And so I had a couple of direct reports, but on the account. Side, like the account strategy side or account management side, I guess, oftentimes you don't have direct reports. So that was nice. It was nice not to have a team. Like, I've had teams of up to 18, which is not like direct reports, which is overwhelming and not in corporate, like, given all the things you have to do when you're managing somebody, it's too much.

[00:08:45] Ten is a threshold for anybody. So. Anyway, at the time, I was only managing like 3 people and it wasn't bad at all. Um, and then I committed to take a team of an additional 7, but it was on the operation side. So they were planning, you know, these people were their operations manager left and I've done the job, you know, a bunch of times in my career.

[00:09:11] I can do it. I just don't know, you know, the process of this account, whatever, you can do it if you're 

[00:09:17] Penny Fitzgerald: in the role and not having to do all the other things that you're also 

[00:09:21] Michele Miller: doing well. Right, right. But meaning like, just because I don't have the specific, yes, I was on the account, but I was sort of, you know, a few degrees on the fringe away from Well, yeah.

[00:09:32] But a few degrees of separation. Yeah. Um, from the actual operation. Mm-Hmm. . So I didn't need to know the nitty gritty. So that was hard when you're managing meeting managers. Absolutely. Who need to know. So anyway. To answer your question, long story short, I was only managing a data analyst and there was a director of a certain division of the account, which it didn't make sense for that person to report into me, but they did and then she had a direct report.

[00:09:56] So it wasn't bad. Yeah, yeah, but, but, yeah, I mean, they took they took total advantage of me. So while I'm there was 1 day, I'm like, it was 5 o'clock. I'm like, I have, like, at least 5 hours more. Yeah. You know, worth of work to do just to feel like, okay, logging off, I'll still be behind, but like so much. And I'm like, I'm not, what am I doing?

[00:10:24] This sounds so familiar. 

[00:10:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh my God. Yeah. Cause you want to do a good job. You want to give your best, right? More than a hundred percent, but nobody's there to bail you out. You don't have somebody above you that you can go, Hey, I. Can't this need, I need help because if you do that, if you go to somebody else and say, I need help, then you're kind of targeted or labeled.

[00:10:47] She's in. I can't do it. 

[00:10:48] Michele Miller: Well, that's exactly it. And that's exactly it. And also, you know, in, Oh, since probably I started my podcast and doing a ton of interviews of women who've been in corporate America and want out in those interviews, I have realized things that I had been doing. That I never realized before.

[00:11:10] So for example, I made work my identity. So it just became my identity and I lost sight of who I am. What do I want? Oh, it's so common. Yeah. It's so, and I never put words to it, but I was interviewing somebody who's amazing and she was like, I tied my identity to work and I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[00:11:34] What? Say that again. It just kind of clicked, you know? And then, and this goes back to the childhood trauma healing work I did. I tied my self worth to the opinions of my colleagues and my manager or, you know, whoever was managing me at the time and the quality of work I did. And what they thought of that and many times, not always I have been praised, I have been promoted a lot in my career, but it's very thankless.

[00:12:07] My industry is very thankless and don't get me wrong. It has served me. Well, I mean, I attribute my childhood trauma. I have gifts from my challenging childhood that have made me successful in my career. And it has rewarded me. However, I mean, tying myself worth to my job is a dangerous and slippery slope.

[00:12:33] And that was also something I never realized I was doing, but , that was what was really the backbone of my anxiety, because as a kid, I always felt like I had to be good and perfect. And there was always. Reasons, you know, I was put in a parentified role as a kid. No fault of my parents. I mean, but I think it was also, you know, a way for me to cope.

[00:12:59] If I could control everything around me that my little bubble would be safe and, you know. Things like I would go to school. I'd be going to school in sixth grade. My parents were divorced. They lived far away from each other. And my brothers and I went to private school. They went to a different private school than I did.

[00:13:20] They went to an all boys. And. I would be late coming from my mom's house a lot because she lived really far and I would be late because she would drop my brothers off first and then I would get dropped off and I would the first day of school. I remember walking into the classroom and they looked at me and I'm like, Michele, it's your responsibility that you're late.

[00:13:41] It's your responsibility as a kid. It's your responsibility. You can never be late. Like, and, and so like that caused major, I don't have my license. I'm in sixth grade. I'm like 11. What? Like what? 

[00:13:56] Penny Fitzgerald: You're not responsible for that. You know? 

[00:13:59] Michele Miller: Well, apparently I was. And so things like that, things like that just put so much pressure on me.

[00:14:04] And then I'd get upset if my brothers were running late or wouldn't get out of bed. Or, you know, if somebody was not moving fast enough and I try to control the situation and I'm like, hurry, hurry, hurry. I can't be late. You know, it's just little stuff like that. Yep. It all because it's like all a culmination over the years and then putting 

[00:14:23] Penny Fitzgerald: in a, putting a child in an adult role, like putting on a problem that should be up to the parents.

[00:14:33] It's such a cycle. I just, the way that that affected you and then you don't want that for your girls. You don't No.. We 

[00:14:41] Michele Miller: don't want to perpetuate stuff like that. And you know, I'm not going to talk about this today. At some point, maybe I'll open up to it, um, more in a public forum, but there were things that happened in my childhood that no child.

[00:14:56] Should be exposed to. So I'm sorry. And it's okay. I mean, I'm okay with it. Like, if we weren't on pushing record, I'd talk about it. Like, I'm, I'm a total open book, but I, I know I need to protect, you know, I love my parents and I love, you know, my family and I, I want to protect. Um, but I mean, it's not like, it's not, I don't want to paint a picture that people are imagining is so horrible, but you know, everybody has some form of childhood trauma.

[00:15:26] And don't you 

[00:15:27] Penny Fitzgerald: feel too that, well, in most cases, not every case, but in most cases that people are. Yeah. Do the best they can with what they have and what they know in the moment. They do. Yeah. So, and it is a cycle. I mean, the way that we were raised, the way that our parents were raised, it trickles down.

[00:15:45] Michele Miller: Yeah. It's generational too. And I don't know though, I, you know, I do agree with you. They do the best that they can with what they have and what they know. And I feel like, you know, the way you and I were probably raised, I mean, it's very different to how parents raise their kids today. Yeah. And. You know, you can't show emotion, stop crying, pick yourself up, get over it, you know, like those things like that.

[00:16:11] So a lot of people, a lot of people in our generation have, you know, grew up, our parents grew up that way. Our parents probably had it worse, you know, sure they did. So anyway, um, yes, I agree with they do the best they can with what they have. But I also believe that they have a choice. To heal themselves.

[00:16:31] Yes. And it's not an easy journey. I know this. I'm in the midst of it, of healing myself and trying to show up better for my family, my kids, everybody around me. It's a struggle. Like there are times where something would trigger me. And before my, the workshop I did, On this trip to healing, I, I would just snap at somebody if I was triggered, not even knowing I was triggered.

[00:16:59] I would just be like, like just agitated and annoyed at them and just rude. If something triggered me. Now, I can recognize the feeling in the body. I can recognize, okay, this is coming from my past. I can actually recognize how old I was. Wow. So like, Oh, that's six year old Michele based on how I react. I know.

[00:17:24] Where I am, like, where that trauma what is coming from. And so I'm able to feel it in my body and recognize it before I react. It's not, I'm not perfect at it. Um, I do still react. Instead of respond in a way I should, it's again, it's a journey, but, um. It's, it's just interesting knowing and being able to recognize it.

[00:17:54] But anyway, my point is it's a lot of work and you have a choice if you want to do it or not. And if you don't want to do it, that's on you. So that's how I feel about it. Like my parents are divorced. My mom begged my dad to go to therapy, to couples counseling. I mean, we're talking in the eighties and I don't know if back in the eighties therapy was really that big of a thing, but my dad refused therapy.

[00:18:21] This is coming from my mom. So like, what is she supposed to do with that? Oh, you're doing the best you can. So I'll stay married to you. Like, you know what I mean? I just not to say that you're wrong. I agree. We all do the best we can with what we have, but we also have a choice. Some 

[00:18:38] Penny Fitzgerald: people I feel are too afraid.

[00:18:42] To find out what they don't know. Yeah. Cause what you don't, I mean, that could be, what could that, what wound would that rip open, you know? 

[00:18:52] Michele Miller: Totally, totally. And honestly, I have to tell you, I knew that I had Issues as a child, like, I had challenges and I was going through tough times, but if anyone ever asked me, I'd be like, I had a really good childhood, you know, in general.

[00:19:10] And so the reason why I did this intensive program was not actually because I'm like, I've got issues. It was my boyfriend and I. You know, dating and we've been together for a long time now, but like, 4 years or something, but in the beginning of our relationship, there was definitely, you know, when we began seeing, um, a couple's counselor together, which I always, I, it's always judgy about couples who weren't married that went to counseling, like, early in their relationship, because it's like, isn't that supposed to be easy?

[00:19:48] Isn't it supposed to be fun? It's, you know, like, a year into your relationship. I don't know. It realized that we needed to go and we both wanted to work on it and commit. So we did. And he went through his childhood trauma. Like, again, we all do and his reactions and triggers the reactions from his triggers were a bit more.

[00:20:14] Exacerbated and so our couple's therapist said, you know, you would really benefit from doing this. Men's intensive workshop, and so he went through that workshop and he came back an entirely different person. And and then him and our therapist would talk about the jargon from this workshop, like the, oh, yeah, yeah.

[00:20:36] Oh, lingo. It's like a wounded child and wise adult. And I'm like, what the hell is this that you people are talking about? And so I'm like, I'm going to go through that. And holy shit, did it open wounds to your point, you know? Yeah. But, um, but yeah, like, so, yes, I agree with you. They're probably scared as to what might open up, but also like, someone like me who didn't necessarily realize that I needed it.

[00:21:04] So it's like, oh, it's not that bad. It's not that big of a deal. Like, if I. Get agitated at my mom or if I, whatever, yell at my kids because it's a bad morning, you know, but I don't want to do those things. No, no, of 

[00:21:20] Penny Fitzgerald: course not. And I don't know if you agree with this, but I, I feel like if you're a healthy person, one of the things you do is feel all your feelings because they're going to come out.

[00:21:35] One way or another, yes, sometime or another, and you know, if you've, if you've got these wounds from childhood and things that affect you in that way that you're reacting instead of being able to respond and, you know, being, instead of, you know, living your life and being healthy and whole and carrying those traits down, the earlier you work through that stuff, the better you're able to care for others and your kids.

[00:22:05] And it's, it's, The whole, the judgment you talked about with, you know, going to counseling early, any counseling is helpful. 

[00:22:14] Michele Miller: I agree. You know that I agree. I mean, I was foolish. Of course, like, I look back stigma, right? There is a stigma. Yeah. I used 

[00:22:23] Penny Fitzgerald: to be that, you know, if you, you have a problem, if you're going to therapy, well, no, you just want to be healthy and whole and you could be better.

[00:22:30] Yeah. Even a healthy and whole person can benefit and learn new things and new skills because it is a skill to be able to work through something or realize like you've done, you've done the work and now you realize, oh, that's six year old Michele that's feeling this and reacting. And that's, that's 

[00:22:50] Michele Miller: kudos to you.

[00:22:51] That's a, that's big. It's hard to do. Thank you. I appreciate that. It's and it's funny because when I was in that intensive, I remember the therapist who's actually now my personal therapist and when I first started, it was like a weekend long workshop, three days.

[00:23:07] It was intense. And with two other women, okay. And I remember when we, for the first day early on, she's like, Oh my God, 12 year old. That's 12 year old me coming out. I'm like, how do you know how old you are? Like, what is that? But it's when you really pull the layers back and you feel like, I know when I'm like arguing, let's say with anybody and I'm crying.

[00:23:29] That's six year old. I know it's the six year old in me. Oh, wow. But when I'm combative and argumentative and feeling not heard, so I get louder. Uh huh. That's, that, depending on the situation, that's probably like 12 year old me. 13 year old, you know, the teenager in me. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. The rebellious.

[00:23:51] So, yeah. So, just to kind of close the loop, I did all of that work, and the limits and boundaries were really important, and I always felt like, as a kid, I was meant to do something big or bigger, and I never knew what it meant, I never knew what it was, but it was just this feeling. And so I lived my life always feeling that way, and not feeling like I lived up to what I always felt in my gut.

[00:24:20] Was right for me. And I'm realizing now I've been realizing the last six, eight months, whatever, that what I do for work is not in alignment with my purpose. Wow. And I, I knew it, but I didn't know when I first realized that I didn't know what my purpose was. And I'm like, I Googling looking at podcasts.

[00:24:45] How do you find your purpose? How do you figure out your purpose? What is my purpose on this life? And right around the same time, like. When I realized and felt very taken advantage of and the limits and boundaries, I'm like, screw this. I'm logging off. If you have a problem with it again, it, I battled with it with my self worth because also being divorced, having the same bills I had when I was married, just on my own.

[00:25:11] Now I can't lose my job. I can't lose my income. And so there's that added pressure and added. You know, necessity to do amazing things. So I don't lose my job and they were, um, eliminating my position on the first account I was on at this company and I was freaking out. I had like four weeks to find something else and I did, I mean, I have, luckily I've been in this industry for a long time.

[00:25:41] You know, 20 years, I have a network. I found another job, but at the same time, my company had another promotional opportunity available that they wanted me to apply for. So I did that. I got that job. It ended up making more sense to stay. So I changed accounts. It was a promotion. It was great. But now we're going through.

[00:26:05] Massive budget cuts across the board, and as a result, they're unraveling our strategic meetings management program, which is global. It's a global program. We have about 120 people globally. 100 no, probably 130 or so globally supporting the meetings and events for this client.

[00:26:26] And they are telling us that they're going from global to regional, they're stripping the global portion of it and like, they're siloing the regions. They're also siloing the markets within the regions and the North America team, which is our largest team is being told that some major pieces of.

[00:26:51] What we do of our scope is being moved from our team to a less expensive team in Costa Rica under the client. And then different aspects are going in house in the U. S. On the client side, and we just rebuilt the team after Covid and that pain of trying to catch up to the, like, I don't anybody out there in the hospitality industry, the recovery from Covid was probably worse than Covid itself.

[00:27:24] Wow, because so many people were laid off, there weren't enough people to do the job and literally overnight live meetings came back. It was so hard. And so it took us all year to rebuild the team and we finally got it fully staffed this US team about 110 people. We added a ton of roles. We, we had a great structure in place.

[00:27:47] We finally rebuilt it. We could finally start to breathe and think about strategy as opposed to reacting to the volume. And they're slashing our team. Now we have to let go at least 50 people and, you know, it's heartbreaking. So I'm terrified yet again, that I'm going to lose my job. Uh, being the highest paid on the account, I, I knew all eyes were on me, and all eyes were on, we're too management heavy, we're this, we're that, you know, then, and then you can't help it to blame yourself that this is happening and, well, isn't that interesting 

[00:28:24] Penny Fitzgerald: that, um, that you're being told that you're top heavy or that you're management heavy, but it's the managers above you who are saying that.

[00:28:34] So. 

[00:28:35] Michele Miller: Well, it's the client who's saying that. Oh, it's different. Like when you work for it, like I've worked in-house. Meaning, you know, I'm, let's just say I work at company a and I'm an employee of company a, and I am hired by that company as an employee, full time employee to plan their meetings and events.

[00:28:53] There's a whole team in house. Agency side is different. You, you know, have your corporate support staff, like marketing, legal compliance, you know, that supports all of the accounts in some way. But then you have your dedicated account teams, or you have your, you know, there is a team that. It's sort of an ad hoc team that if they get a small lead, Oh, I need sourcing for this big program.

[00:29:17] Can somebody help me? Like there's that too, but a lot of our business comes from dedicated, longstanding client accounts. And that's it, you know, and they are the ones that pay our salaries. Wow. There are the, you know, they, they're, you know, the revenue we get from them, my company pays my salary, but we get the revenue from the client.

[00:29:39] So if they're slashing it, it's their decision. I mean, We can tell them, and we do tell them, if it's a good idea or not, or they just aren't forthcoming with us. We know something's up, but they aren't being honest or forthright, which, it's just frustrating in and of itself. Like, if this is the direction you want to go, just be honest.

[00:30:00] Be honest and tell us, so it's just interesting. Um, but the point that I was trying to make is once again, number one, my self worth is being challenged because am I, did I not do a good enough job to salvage this account or keep it going? Number one, number two, this is my livelihood. I am, you know, anytime this happens, I have this.

[00:30:30] Spiral of anxiety, which tends to be worse than when I was married because I don't have my husband's salary to fall back on. So there's that added pressure. But when I decided that day to set those limits and boundaries. I also, I bought myself an infrared sauna. I'm just going to digress for a second.

[00:30:51] This is way before these cuts started happening. It was about last year in July. I bought myself an infrared sauna because I have chronic Lyme disease and it helps big time. I'm, I'm totally okay. I've been able to manage it, but this infrared sauna is awesome and it helps me detox and gets my inflammation down and all that.

[00:31:09] So in the sauna, I listened to better. A lot of podcasts or I'll, you know, I'll check my email or whatnot. It's sort of my me time. Um, and I came across my email. So Gabby Bernstein, do you know Gabby Bernstein? I've heard the name. Yeah. So she is like a spiritual life coach. Basically. She doesn't really do one on one coaching anymore, but she has written books.

[00:31:36] The universe has your back, a bunch of books. She's a motivational speaker. Um, she has her own podcast. She's like world renowned at this point, but I am on her email list and a spirit guide meditation that she put together dropped in my email box from her. And I'm very intrigued by all things afterlife, you know, anything and anything that has to do with ghosts and also through crime.

[00:32:03] So those are like the podcasts I kind of. Go towards, but when I got this email, like spirit guide meditation, first of all, I'm not a meditator. I've tried. I, it doesn't, I always thought like this doesn't work for me. So I'm, I'm like, you know what? Worst case scenario, I'm super stressed. Work is a nightmare.

[00:32:21] I'm going to do this meditation at the worst case scenario. All it's going to do. is calm my mind and relax me. Hopefully. All good things. Right. So why not? It was like 16 minutes to be exact. So I turn it on and Penny, when I say I have never had more clarity in my life. Oh, cool. And during that, it was a, it was surreal.

[00:32:50] It was a surreal experience. And in that meditation, something told me to start a podcast. And again, this is a spirit guide meditation. So I'm like, that's interesting. Like, and I was afraid of that stuff, but intrigued. So I'm like, okay, something in my brain is telling me to do a podcast. I'm like, I've always wanted to do a podcast, but I would never entertain the idea ever.

[00:33:13] Like, what am I going to do a podcast on? Who's going to want to hear from me? I don't, I don't know what value I have to say, but it's like, it was just a weird, It was like so clear to me that I needed to do it, but I had no idea what I would do it on. So I don't know if it was the next day or, or maybe it was the next week I did the spirit guide meditation in the sauna again.

[00:33:37] And as part of that meditation, there's like four minutes where you journal on your meditation. Uh huh. So I wrote the trailer to my podcast at like, it all came flooding into my mind. Mind and I wrote it. It's not my final one. It was just the first iteration. This was before I even knew what a trailer was.

[00:34:01] I knew nothing about podcasts other than just listening to them, you know, and oddly, after all of that, I come up on Facebook to this woman, Cathy Heller, who was doing a free podcast course. I'm like, odd timing. Okay. It's it's like a week long. Why not? And if I can't make it live, I can catch the recordings and I, you know, so I'm like, oh, this is all interesting stuff.

[00:34:28] Like this is doable. I really like her. She was really motivational and just down to earth. And at the end of it, of course, she's going to sell her money making course. That's more 12 week deep dive. And it was expensive. And I'm like, they're in hell. I'm spending the money to sign up for this, you know, and I didn't know who Cathy Heller was outside of this.

[00:34:51] So I did the spirit guide meditation again and everything in my soul said do. The course. And so I took a leap and I signed up for the course. I paid the money and I knew that if I paid the money, I would follow through. So I did. Right. I did. It was, yeah. And almost accountability for myself. Yeah. So I signed up.

[00:35:14] I did the course with you. That's how we met. Yes. Which I'm very grateful for. Me too. But you know, it's been like a snowball effect from there because I met, you know, I was introduced to Kelsey Murphy, who is a coach, a career coach, and I signed up for her coach's masterclass back in November.

[00:35:34] It was three months. And I knew that I have, like, I know I have to get out of corporate America. I know that I have to, but I have. My girls to think about, I don't have a husband where I can just quit and rely on his salary. And I'm not downplaying women that do that. Like, it's not easy to go from two salaries to one in any scenario.

[00:35:58] But going from one to zero, that's, you know, there's no money coming in. So I knew that I had to take action and do something. And. In my work of my childhood trauma healing, I knew that this work I've done on boundaries, setting limits, setting boundaries is something that needed to be shared more.

[00:36:20] But I also knew that eventually I want to be a transition career coach, a big part of any kind of career decision limits and boundaries are vastly important. And so in that course, I was able to create An offering, I was like, maybe I just create an offering around, you know, planning meetings and events and teaching people how to do it.

[00:36:43] Or maybe I offer to plan retreats or something, or maybe I do a retreat course or something, but I don't. It doesn't light me up. Why would I go from corporate America meetings and events? That isn't aligned with my purpose to doing it just to prove to myself that I can create a course and an offering like, it doesn't seem aligned.

[00:37:03] So I chose this limits and boundaries. With the intention that it'll be. Yeah. Bigger course. So how did you, what did you decide to do then? Yeah. So in that course, Uh, and that was expensive too, by the way, and I'm like, should I really join this without having a coached anyone in my life, which actually isn't true in 20 years of being, you know, in management, right?

[00:37:26] I've coached many people, but anyway, so just a plug for anybody who's questioning themselves and their abilities. Um, so I realized that all the work I did on my childhood trauma healing and the work I did on limits and boundaries. Is what I need to teach people, and I'm not a therapist, but I do know that setting limits and boundaries is crucial in all areas of your life.

[00:37:52] And if you are transitioning your career, or you're unhappy in your career, or you need a change setting boundaries, communicating them and following through. Is critical, and a lot of people don't realize. That they just aren't good at it, or a lot of people think that setting boundaries causes conflict.

[00:38:16] It has negative connotations and it's a bad reflection of you and nobody will like you and you just, you know, you don't that's not true. It's healthy. You have to it is. And so I realized I needed to do something and a small offering of. Thank you so much. Coaching women, go to women on setting limits and boundaries to protect their inner peace and increase their confidence, open up time in the day for them to be able to exhibit self care.

[00:38:53] Um, it's just something that is so needed and that's what I'm doing. I coached a lot of women for free. Um, to fine tune my methodology and to get testimonials, but now, I'm ready to start coaching 1 on 1 and I have a 1 on 1 coaching package. It's a 4 week. 1 on 1 coaching package where we would have 1 hour a week.

[00:39:20] Of, talking about the 3 yes boundary method. So . The 1st call is more of an intro call and I can talk to you about what I'm, you know, I will have a consultation if you want to talk about all that too. But essentially it's here's my method. Initially, we're going to talk about the areas of your life where you feel like.

[00:39:38] You're lacking boundaries, and then I'm a firm believer that boundaries really are values. I equate them to being 1 in the same and what I mean by that is. Setting boundaries is adhering to your non negotiables and saying yes to what you value most and forgetting the rest. And if you look at it from a standpoint of.

[00:40:05] You're saying yes to what you value, and you're worthy of what you value. It's so much easier to say no to, to anything else outside of that. So like, let's say you, it is so important to you to be at home cooking dinner at 5 30. And having family dinner at 630 every single night of the week, that's a non negotiable for you.

[00:40:37] So, if your boss says, I want you to stay until 6 o'clock to get this done. I'm sorry, I have plans, like, there are ways to communicate it. That will harbor respect and if their boss does look down on you for that shame on them. Mm hmm. Um, but. The more you respect yourself, the more others will fall in line to respect you, too.

[00:41:02] Exactly. And, you know, and

[00:41:05] it's, um, It's not a 

[00:41:07] Penny Fitzgerald: selfish act. It's an, it honors yourself, but it honors those that are, That mean the most to you in life. 

[00:41:13] Michele Miller: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I think, yes, and, you know, I've coached people on even relationships and boundary setting and, you know, there's women who are like, why can't I find a guy that will commit to me?

[00:41:29] It's like, well, what do you value in a partnership? Well, I want him to be nice. I want him to be into me. I, you know, I want him to be exclusive and I'm like, okay, but can you peel the layer a little bit more? You want him to be nice. What does that mean? Nice. Like, do you want him to treat you? Well, okay, that's great.

[00:41:49] Is there more to that? And what I try to uncover is. Basically, in that scenario, what's your love language, words of affirmation or physical touch or whatever it is. So you can define the boundary more specifically. Like I want a man who tells me he loves me every day and means it, that's a non negotiable.

[00:42:18] And okay, if he forgets this, if not forgets, but if he doesn't get around to telling you he loves you one day, not a big deal, but like. The right man will do that because he wants to, not because you want him to. Number one, number two, it's like, you know, that's one of your non negotiables yet you're dating guys who don't tell you you're beautiful.

[00:42:42] Don't tell like, they don't even compliment you. And you're wondering why you can't find the right guy. Cause you're spending your time with the wrong men. And you're, it's a porous boundary. You're not adhering to your value system of what it takes. You know, what you want in a partner. And so what about 

[00:43:01] Penny Fitzgerald: you?

[00:43:01] Like, what do you, how do you want to treat yourself? You know, what are you exactly how, yeah. What respect do you have for yourself if you're you're feeling this way or if you're not, right. And yeah. 

[00:43:14] Michele Miller: And if you're accepting. Yeah. Right. And if you're accepting certain behavior or lack thereof, you're allowing it.

[00:43:21] Yeah, exactly. So it's, it's, um, it's hard because I have also coached women who don't feel worthy or good enough to set boundaries for themselves or they think setting boundaries is too much for other people and they're the problem and that's not true. Right. Right. Exactly. And. It's really important that anyone that is in this life is worthy and deserving of living, of just being, and everyone in this life deserves love, any kind of love from anywhere.

[00:43:57] I'm not talking just romantic relationships. The second you realize that and understand that, the better your life will be, because then you will start to believe it. And you will start to live it. So anyway, I feel like I'm going off on a tangent, but I just think it's so important and it's a small piece of the ultimate package I would love.

[00:44:23] To offer, um, specifically women who want to transition in their career because throughout, you know, basically, I'm trying to teach myself how to leave my corporate job without losing my income. So I've noticed a lot of women that I interview for my podcast are women again, who have done what I want to do, meaning leave corporate America and work for myself and be successful and, you know, make more money than I was.

[00:44:49] So I have. Means to help more people. But, um, in my realization and the interviews that I've been doing, I have everybody's stories different. And even though they're different, there are so many overlapping similarities. In what they've done to get out of their work situation and just to give you a few, um, things that I've noticed as synchronicities is number 1. Taking action, but before you take the action, it's really getting mindful and even meditating to get inside of yourself because when you're in a spiral of anxiety, like I've, I've been for a very long time.

[00:45:42] It's very hard to think clearly. It's very hard to really. Make decisions and if you're making them and out of a place of anxiety, they're not going to serve you. Well, so getting mindful and meditating is super important. Um, I also believe that in that you find clarity. And in the clarity, you can take action, even if you don't know where your action is necessarily going to take you.

[00:46:09] But in the action also breeds clarity. Exactly. So, when you're taking small steps based on, you know, your mindful decisions. Doors will open or pabs will open. Oh, I'm going to try this and I'm going to go in that direction and then it turns you to something else. And like this podcasting journey turned me into being a coach, never thought that would ever happen.

[00:46:33] So anyway, I, I get to go on and on and on and on and on about this, but, um, it's just so important. Yeah, I agree. 

[00:46:41] Penny Fitzgerald: I agree. The action brings clarity and you can change your action down the road to be to be more aligned with your inner purpose because you'll and your inner purpose will become more clear as you 

[00:46:53] Michele Miller: take those actions.

[00:46:54] 100 percent and you can trust that it will happen. Like that's another thing. Like, I realized and said that when I was getting laid off and all of those things were happening, I'm sorry, I wasn't getting laid off. I was fearful of getting laid off. I stopped, there was something in me. I was crying every day, terrified.

[00:47:13] And then something in me was like, Michele, there's nothing to worry about. Trust that it will be okay. Relinquish control. And I know it sounds so ridiculous, but the second you relinquish control and you That it will work out. Those opportunities will fall in your lap. Like I can't tell you all of a sudden, as soon as I relinquished control of that and stopped worrying, my boss came to me and she was like, we want you on another account.

[00:47:44] Cause they were cutting my role 50%. So of course I'm terrified. So now I'm on two accounts, 50 percent like I'm open to creative solutions. Let's do it. You know, as long as I can still work from home and I have flexibility to work on my side business to eventually leave here. We are 

[00:48:01] Penny Fitzgerald: anyway. Sorry. Yeah, no, no, that's all good.

[00:48:04] All good things. So how can people get in touch with you? How can they, um, check your, your offerings out 

[00:48:13] Michele Miller: and work with you? Yeah, so right now the website that I'm using to promote my offerings is my podcast website. It's called better mint podcast. M. I. N. T. and so bettermintpodcast.com is the website. And if you scroll down a bit, it'll tell you a little bit about my boundaries coaching offer and you can up for a 20 minute free consultation with me to see if it'd be a good fit.

[00:48:36] Um, And I'm on Instagram at bettermintpodcast and I have a Facebook group called bettermintpodcast. So all of those areas, um, are where you can find me and where I host my offerings and very 

[00:48:51] Penny Fitzgerald: cool. One more question. . Um, what, what's your favorite 

[00:48:55] Michele Miller: cocktail?

[00:48:57] I love it. Oh, so I'm going to go old school. I've brought it back recently. I don't know why it's just something that I've been ordering a lot when I go out now. Sour apple martini. It's so like Kino bar. But it's, I don't know if it's my favorite, but it's what I've been going for like the last 6 months, but I love espresso martinis and, you know, I'm, I'm big into vodka.

[00:49:26] So, you know, anything with vodka, I'm, I'm good with no tonic water though. Yeah, I agree. 

[00:49:33] Penny Fitzgerald: I'm, you know, I'm a club soda kind of girl. 

[00:49:36] Michele Miller: Same. I love a vodka soda. Yes. With lemon and 

[00:49:40] Penny Fitzgerald: lime. 

[00:49:42] Michele Miller: Yep. I'm a lemon girl. But yeah. Yeah. And I'm, I, you know what I love for wine? Super Tuscans. I'm really big into. 

[00:49:48] Penny Fitzgerald: Nice. Love it.

[00:49:51] Italian. Mm hmm. Me too. 

[00:49:52] Michele Miller: Love it. I'm Irish, but hey. Oh. Oh, 

[00:49:56] Penny Fitzgerald: sure. 

[00:49:56] Michele Miller: Yeah. Well, and I'm German. I'm Irish, but here we go with Super Tuscans. Yeah. Yeah. Italians know how to do it. That's right. Good food. Good wine. Exactly. 

[00:50:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Michele, thank you so much. This is super fun. And I really appreciate your time and getting to know you better.

[00:50:12] Um, I think your offerings are going to help a lot of people because we all are wounded from our pasts. And, you know, even, even those of us who are strong, um, can always get stronger. We can always do 

[00:50:24] Michele Miller: more things. I agree. I agree. Well, thank you for saying that. And thank you for having me. I really appreciate it and I appreciate you.

[00:50:32] So thank you. Thank you. I'll talk with you soon. Yeah. Sounds good. Thanks. Okay. Bye Penny. 

[00:50:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Bye. Bye.