Have you ever felt the weight of unspoken expectations in a family setting, the kind that can shape your future in ways you never anticipated? We're peeling back the layers of Filipino family culture, examining the complexities of financial obligations and the pursuit of personal fulfillment. Your favorite trainers share experiences and perspectives on the generational pressures that often go undiscussed. From the financial burdens placed on the youth to the push towards lucrative careers regardless of passion, we delve into the need for a cultural evolution that respects both individual aspirations and the collective well-being.
Have you ever felt the weight of unspoken expectations in a family setting, the kind that can shape your future in ways you never anticipated? We're peeling back the layers of Filipino family culture, examining the complexities of financial obligations and the pursuit of personal fulfillment. Your favorite trainers share experiences and perspectives on the generational pressures that often go undiscussed. From the financial burdens placed on the youth to the push towards lucrative careers regardless of passion, we delve into the need for a cultural evolution that respects both individual aspirations and the collective well-being.
Hi there. I would like to say hi to all our listeners from all over the world. Good morning, good afternoon and good evening Cheers. It's 5 pm somewhere in the world. Welcome to T3, training Together on Tuesdays. I'm Trish, and with me are Trina and Nicole, and we're here to learn from each other's tales, share tips and discover new tools.
Speaker 1:
Today's episode is entitled Sounds Family, for today we will talk about how the Filipino family culture becomes toxic. I know all cultures have good and bad sides. Personally, the Filipino culture, I think, is one of the best. I'm not being biased, but I think we have a very sound family culture. We're very close and tight-knit and very supportive Filipino family. However, we have to be open. There's a dark side, unfortunately, to our Filipino culture. There are the not-so-good sides of it and it's also something, unfortunately, that isn't really talked about. So what are the negative or toxic traits you think the Filipino culture would have and how would you want to correct it? Can I start? I'd like to share so for me I'm actually speaking from. I'm a bit confused here on this topic. This is something, I think, that every Filipino goes through.
Speaker 2:
This episode is confusing, I feel it. You can just leave it out.
Speaker 1:
They're already confused. It might not be the same because we might have a lot of versions, a lot of different kinds of toxicity, but of course there's that. So for me, the most toxic, I think for me is the parents who look at their kids as their retirement plan For me. If I die in this world and if I leave something good, if there's something that I want that contributes to the world for it to become a better place, I want the Filipino, this generation, this current generation, the working generation you have now, please prepare for your retirement. I feel it has a 100% effect, not just in our culture, but in our economy, in our society, because we become financially dependent in our senior years. This gives the next generation room to grow and improve, because it's hard.
Speaker 1:
How can you leave the low and mid-income families? How can they raise their income if they spend a lot? They're thinking about raising their kids Tuition fee is not cheap and then they're also thinking about paying their parents medical bills. So it's a cycle. It happens that you work to pay for everything and then when you retire, you don't have any money to retire and the toxic culture happens and starts all over again. Yes, how do we get out of this. It's like that's all I have. What about you guys? What are your toxic experiences?
Speaker 3:
For me in relation to that. It's the mindset that when I look at it like that because I still love it we can't really afford the buy-in these days, the retirement plan and all of these things. So what I don't like about toxic Filipino culture is when they compare prices before oh you're talking about 25 cents, guys.
Speaker 2:
Oh, inflation is waving Right, right.
Speaker 3:
And it's not something we ordinary citizens can control If prices of food and housing cars etc increase. It really does, but the salary does not increase, so it's hard to buy. So what I just want to correct is it's not a lack of effort on our part. We're still working the same job, sometimes we have side hustles or aside business, but there is no compare to what I've seen. It's really different now and we need to think of strategies and changing mindsets that are different. Now let's focus on the next one.
Speaker 1:
Exactly. It's all about growth. We need to adjust. That's the real evolution. You need to adjust to the times. If you can't adjust, you'll become extinct, right. So, nicole, how about you?
Speaker 2:
I noticed that.
Speaker 3:
We're really similar in age.
Speaker 2:
I can't really say we're coming from the same generation, but we're getting closer to our generation compared to our parents.
Speaker 2:
So, I think all of these I feel like, looking at it from a macro perspective, it's heavily influenced. I guess the toxicity or even whatever the positives are, it's highly influenced by the generational thinking at the time, the differences in generation. I can definitely relate to having your kids as your retirement funds. It's unfair to place that burden on them and, of course, as parents, you want them to thrive. Maybe they're your legacy, as you've been saying, and same as what Nicole said, the way we look at it, it's like hello, just the main differences of the generations living in different times or different eras of history. That's a huge indicator. It's an apples to oranges, so it's not fair to compare. And I guess another thing I experienced this as well, but I don't feel it anymore, but I definitely still see this Parents having great influence in terms of what their kids will pursue and usually they encourage the more high paying jobs, the things they're thinking was in their generation.
Speaker 2:
They bring it to their kids thinking that these professions or jobs are the more lucrative ones.
Speaker 2:
And of course I don't blame them, of course they just want their kids to be well off and to be successful in all kinds of ways, but to be successful also to be a secure financial lead, that's also thinking of their I want. Of course I don't want to make your kids suffer, but it's been so ingrained. That's why many people are singing. Many of them have different interests. Some interests may not necessarily pay off immediately. Maybe in the long run it could. But, of course, thinking is more important. You want them to get secure financially right away. That's how it is, that kind of mentality which I understand, let's say, especially from the boomers generation, because that goes to our Sile. And, of course, after having gone through those difficulties in their era or in their generation, shempre, you can't help. But this is the perspective they are making. That's why they want to do it. This is their opinion, the best solution.
Speaker 2:
But for us in our generation, we're no longer coming from that particular era. We have different sets of challenges to face and those things might not be relevant anymore to us For now. While, of course, the traditional jobs that they perceive to be success, that's highly paying. Like you want to be a lawyer or a doctor, I'm experienced, I just want to be a doctor, but I didn't turn out to be a doctor. But that's what they want to do, because they just want to make it more successful. Of course it's going to be a success, but of course it's also important for us to think that we will overcome it, because we're all born with our own sets of personality, interests and strengths as well, and passion. That's why others discourage. They don't just pursue their passion. They end up discouraged, unmotivated, unhappy in general and therefore, at the long run, there are a lot of mental health issues that have happened Because of that.
Speaker 2:
That's the effect, so I think that's a huge thing. I mean, I'm trying to say that, looking beyond this, all of these Filipino toxic family traits, they are also really struggling, whatever it came from, a particular generation as well, that has its own set of perspectives.
Speaker 2:
It's important for us now to also review if that's still relevant, because the values we want to maintain values Filipino values are great, they're amazing. Those are what we want to preserve. But there's also a way to carry on those values while also having to adapt to what you guys said, because I didn't mean to say society, because others are supposed to be oranges when you compare.
Speaker 1:
That's your reflection. Personally, I've seen that happen. My dad used to have this co-worker IT and then her son. When it came for him to go to college, he asked him to go to IT because he was already in the money for IT. And then he wanted to be a chef Because his mom was like, what are you going to do with a chef who wants to go to IT In the long run? His son was in a hurry. He didn't finish his IT and in the end he went to the culinary school. So it was like an ending.
Speaker 3:
He was still in the school.
Speaker 1:
He really liked it, so we spent hours of resources, money. That's how it ended. He went to the culinary school.
Speaker 3:
He was still here.
Speaker 1:
So you also have an example. The mom's intentions were good Because she's from IT and she knows that she's going to study here, so it's good. But then the son wanted something else. So I think also the parents, because we were brought up that you study hard, you get a good 9-5 job and you retire by 16. But now people have different Back then jobs that were not available now they have Like back then there was no one in technology that weren't available before.
Speaker 1:
Some people retire as early as 40. Exactly Because they're okay. Now, that's what I mean to my children. When my kids grow up, I will just ask them what are you interested in? And I'll support you in what you want, because that will make them successful, happy. Like what you said, the mental health is more important than what I think, because they're alive. So the most I can do is at least give them a good foundation at a young age, and when it comes to employment, you're already paid. Do whatever makes you happy, because it's different when they grow up, they're still their generation.
Speaker 1:
Our generation.
Speaker 3:
So it's like support, yeah, and society will change quickly Because again, parents have good intentions to recommend you to those kinds of hyping jobs. But if too many people, pursue the same course and graduate, the fresh grads will be able to serve you and eventually you won't be able to find a job or lower the salary Because there's a surplus. The world changes so fast. Who knows, maybe there will be another job trend that we didn't expect.
Speaker 2:
I think it's all about what it is. I can't help but think about the psyche of people at the time. They also took it from their own parents. That's what they were encouraged to do. They're just trying to pass on, Like what you guys said. They just want to pass on what they think are the good things that brought them the success that they earned or that they got or that they received this. They also want to pass that on. But I think deep down there has to be openness and I think it's another one. Wow, Trina is tired, At least from the generation, the generation from my parents, at least for some of them. I feel like there's sometimes there's less openness to listen to kids. That's not what kids are not. Kids are not heard there, only seen.
Speaker 1:
Trina, I have a quote there. I'll go back and you'll just go. You'll just go.
Speaker 2:
It's easy to get to the point where you're a Filipino.
Speaker 2:
Because she's a famous Filipino quote. So even if you mean well, you're trying to be respectful and you're trying to prove a point, for instance, I've had cases like that as well. It's like based on perseverance, sometimes talking back, or you have, no, I don't have any value, because I know more about it. I've lived for years and this is just you, so I perceive it as less receptive or like their mind is set, and for me it definitely is, because openness can be learned. So it's that kind of shift that needs to happen.
Speaker 2:
Again, that's not just from their generation, but also from us, because I think everything, most of what we're saying, is coming from our parents, that the Filipino toxic culture is just a great part it's true that they will be able to make sure that the kids will thrive in, but as kids grow and become adults, the cycle has to break and openness has to be there on both ends. It's the willingness to listen from both parties for a generation, to respect what they bring to the table, and the same thing because we have different experiences.
Speaker 1:
So that's one thing that I see. So I think, to sum it up, I think the question is how do we address it? I mean, it's not just enough that we talk about it. What's more important is how do we address it? I mean, we're just kids, we're just telling stories, we can just do it. I want to make a more active stance on this topic. How do we address this culture? From what I'm hearing from Trina and Nicole, it's mostly first is openness, second is adaptability and my share is it's awareness. Aside from being open, adaptable, first of all, we need to be aware, because if you don't know, if you don't know that there's a problem if we don't talk about it, then we cannot fix it.
Speaker 1:
So for me, I think this is a chance for me to start off with this podcast. I hope a lot of people listen to this and a lot of people learn, and a lot of people I know they understand, but I hope they do something about it. They can relate yes, I know they can relate, but I hope it's not just relating to us, it's also doing something about it. We already know the awareness is there, we know it happens. So we need to adapt, we need to be open Because, as you can see, it does not help the next generation If we choose what we want from them because they are different.
Speaker 1:
I know it comes from a good place, we always want the best for them, the next, but we need to accept that it's different. We need to be open, we need to adapt to the change and with that I think there would be, like I said, the effect, the ripple effect of this little action that we do is like tenfold. I think it won't just affect you know, because when we started, yeah, it'll carry on up to the next, next, next generation. This is a revolution.
Speaker 3:
True.
Speaker 2:
Revolution. I think it's very, it's very edifying. Actually, trish is our third. Trish is the only family member. So I mean especially what you said earlier that you mentioned for your own kids. You wanted to be this way. You're yourself beautiful as a parent. You're already aware and you're talking about this and you know it starts with you, know as you. You know of course you said it's a revolution or grand scale, but you, everything grand starts with the, you know, with the individual, with the little things, with the smaller family, oh, with yourself.
Speaker 2:
Yes, one family at a time To ripple effect, to store in society.
Speaker 1:
Correct. If only you know we get to work and share this one family at a time. Exactly, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:
How can we share?
Speaker 3:
Oh yes, yes, we need advertising, but yes, it's true, we just have shameless plug for this podcast.
Speaker 2:
No, seriously. I mean we're very lucky to have this platform to be able to talk about these things and let's say, if this can be heard, that other people think about it. I mean we didn't really talk about what they're talking about, but at least to help you know inside, or to have inside certain thoughts or changes. For some it's probably difficult, because these are super deeply ingrained in us and it's hard to expect things to change overnight. But with any large permanent change it definitely takes time.
Speaker 2:
And at least this is our way of talking to the conversation, to that discussion at least.
Speaker 1:
At least to tell you that we did something about it. We were vocal, we said our peace. So, for those who are listening right now, if you can relate, please do share our podcast to other people, and share it to your parents, to your friends, to everyone you know. Alright, so I guess that sums it up. Okay, so this was a very great conversation to me.
Speaker 1:
It was just an eye opening for me. As for you guys and for the rest of the listeners, I hope you learned something from us. I hope you learned something from us. I hope you grew up to do something in your current situation. So that's it, guys. Thanks for listening to T3 Training Together on Tuesdays. We hope you enjoyed our episode on what we can do when our families become toxic. Again, please follow us. Follow our podcast, leave us a rating and a review. If you have any questions or comments, please visit our website at pro163learningplus and don't forget to check out the T3 blog for more tips and advice. We'll be back next time with more tips and tools from your favorite trainers. Until next time, keep learning and growing. This is Trish, trina and Nicole saying bye.
