"Earning a living??!"

Join me for a discussion about what it means to "earn a living," while also searching for  fulfillment by identifying and sharing your unique set of gifts and passions with the world.  Learn about the hierarchy of employment options and see how that is influenced by one's placement on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Learn strategies no matter where are you on either. 

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Hello and welcome back to the B Spot for another dose of almost therapy but not quite therapy. Today I want to talk about another topic that comes up quite often for us humans, and that is what on earth do we want to do with ourselves to earn money? How can we connect with what has meaning for us in order to find meaning in our lives? So many of us identify so strongly with our professional selves that it significantly contributes to how we form our identity, who we believe we are and who we want others to believe we are.

 A common view of work or employment is that it is a means to an end. I work so that I can play. I need to earn money and this is how I do that. While I certainly understand that view and would say that even today, that viewpoint is part of why I do what I do, I’ve also learned that it’s a very limiting and potentially harmful way of thinking. I’ve learned that work is so much more, or at least can be so much more. I’ve also learned that there are different levels of what I would call the hierarchy of employment options, and when you view that hierarchy through the lens of that individual’s placement on the hierarchy of needs according to Maslow, you realize that some people in some situations just don’t have the luxury of following their passions, and I will speak to those folks as well. But for most of us, if we can change the way we think about “earning a living,” we can move ourselves much closer to our goal of happiness and joy. 

So what does it mean to earn a living? What message does that expression convey? It implies that without working, you haven’t earned your right to live. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds a bit harsh. Yes, we all must find ways to contribute to our communities and to the world at large, but does that mean we must work? Or could it mean that we are all tasked with the responsibility, the challenge, to uncover, discover, or recover our passions. That we all must figure out what our hearts and minds drive us to do when not burdened with the idea of “earning a living.” What if we did a positive reframe on earning a living? What if we said that we all must figure out what our unique set of passions and gifts are, and find a way to share those passions and gifts with others? What if that reframe more accurately reflects each individual’s right, ability, and responsibility to change the world? What if we all have that power within us? 

For me, that starts to change the entire framework of education. Now my purpose in this session is not to talk about the state of our education system, although that may come in a future session. I’m just saying what if, rather than teaching kids to build sets of skills so that they can find a job, we start to help them discover their unique set of gifts and passions. Rather than teaching advanced math and sciences that will only be relevant for a few, we offer courses designed to help them discover their fire? Again, not trying to spend too much time on the depressingly broken system of public education in this country and especially in this state, but our kids sure would benefit if that system encouraged them to change the mindset from what can I get to what do I want. Imagine the boost in self esteem that would come from every kid being able to have the experience of feeling like the expert sometimes. Imagine how that shift would encourage growth and how fulfilling life would feel if everyone was doing what they felt passionately about? Dare I dream?

But, given that our system does not encourage this philosophical approach, what guidance can we offer our kids, and ourselves? Well, as with most things, it depends. It depends on how an individual’s place on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs influences their place on the hierarchy of employment options. Many people find themselves unable to chase their dreams because really they are just trying to survive. Let’s start the discussion with those folks. If you find yourself at or near the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy, fighting to ensure that your physiological and safety needs are met, that you have food and a safe place to sleep, then your options are going to be significantly influenced by this. You’ve got to find work. You don’t have the luxury of holding out for a management position like Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It may hurt your ego a bit to have to work at a fast food restaurant or grocery store, but your ego won’t pay the bills. If this is your current reality, you have to be a hoop jumper rather than an ego protector. I’m not saying you should subject yourself to abuse but you will likely have to put up with a significant amount of of BS with jobs at this level. Once you can establish and secure your basic needs, you will have more options and will hopefully be able to move onto what I guess I’ll call level two employment options. 

Level 2 employment options are available to those of us who have been fortunate enough, either through generational support or some combination of hard work and good luck, to have a safe place to sleep each night, food and water available when we need it, and to have engaged in the educational process long enough and well enough to have a piece of paper that opens doors. And maybe even a second or third piece of paper that opens even more doors. There’s such a wide range at this level but the idea is that those at level 2 have more choices. They are more likely to be able to protect their emotional well being than those at level 1. These are the people that have good jobs, often make plenty of money, or at least enough to sustain a livable life, but for one reason or another, they just aren’t happy. Every Sunday, they are filled with anxiety or sadness about having to return to their jobs on Monday morning and wishing it just wasn’t so. These are the people asking themselves, is this really what it’s all about. Going to this job I dislike every day instead of spending time with my family or doing something I love. How can this be what my life is supposed to look like for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years?

And this leads to level 3… those who are living at the top of the employment options hierarchy. Those who have discovered a way to do what they love, or feel passionate about, and earn enough money doing it to meet their needs. Those who have figured out that all those obstacles that we can create in our heads, to construct a story that leaves us in a diminished position are simply self constructed illusions that only exist in our head. They have learned to ignore the illusions. I actually had that statement on my wall for years to remind me that most obstacles that appear to prohibit me from living the life I want to live, are illusions. Illusions that I have the option to ignore.

There was a commercial during the super bowl a few years back. It showed the yearbook pages of some people who had become very famous later in life. I remember looking at the regular shlubs beside these people who are now cultural icons, and thinking what’s the difference? Is it aptitude or attitude? Did they achieve something that was only available to them, or could it be available to anyone. And I came to the conclusion that the difference is belief. Level 3 folks believe that they belong exactly where they want to be. They see the world as theirs to explore. Challenges don’t turn them off, it fires them up. They follow their passions and share their gifts and they move through the world unapologetically and peacefully. We should all aspire to reach this state of consciousness but also be kind and patient with ourselves as we work our way through levels 1 and 2. 

So, how do we work our way through levels 1 and 2? Well, it starts with changing the way we look at work. At level 1, it may be about finding any job but it doesn’t have to feel terrible. It goes back to the decision we make to see things are opportunities or obligations. Even if both are true, the classification choice we make will greatly influence how we experience the work. Using positive self talk to remind yourself that this isn’t forever, that this is you taking charge and working to meet your needs, that most obstacles you create, reasons why this job or that job won’t work, are illusions that you have the option to ignore. And make sure you are the squeakiest wheel of all those applying for the same job you are. Follow up with phone calls and in person visits. Show that you want it more than the next person. 

Those at level 2 are likely to be more easily employed, and more likely to be currently employed, based on those pieces of paper but still unlikely to feel fulfilled by their work. For these people, it can be helpful to start thinking about the age old question of what would you do if money were not a consideration? What would be your dream job? What jobs sound like the coolest jobs in the world? And then, you find people who are doing those jobs and pursue information from them. The internet allows us to pursue information like never before.

For example, if I ask myself this question and decide that people who design soccer balls have the coolest job in the world, I can use the internet to find a handful of companies that do this. I can then go to each company’s website and find out who is in charge of the designs. If that person’s email isn’t available on the website, the company’s phone number usually is. I can call and ask questions about that person and get some kind of contact information. Next I can reach out to that person and tell them how cool I think their job is and how I’m considering going down a similar path. If they’re local, I can offer to take them out to lunch to pick their brain, if they’re not local I can ask for 10-20 minutes of their time to talk via video or phone. I have found that most people really like to talk about themselves, especially to someone who thinks they’ve done pretty well for themselves. I’ve also found that most people are more than willing, even excited to share wisdom and experiences with those hoping to follow in their footsteps. 

So, you do what’s called an information interview. It’s an interview with the purpose of collecting valuable information, not a job. Ask thoughtful questions. Ask them how they got to where they are? What educational paths did they follow? What’s the best part of their work? What’s the worst? What was the biggest surprise? What’s the level of commitment look like? How about a typical day? Would they go down the same path again or would they change it? And after spending whatever time is available for this, you thank them for their time, and you use the information you’ve gathered to help inform your decision about pursuing that particular path. The information you will get from someone who actually has the job, is so much more valuable than the information you can get from educators. And, you’ve now made a contact in the field you’re hoping to enter, and it can turn out to be valuable to preserve that connection, even through occasional email contact. 

Another strategy once you’ve identified a dream direction to go, is to create a vision board that reflects that dream. Let the universe know that this is going to happen. Start challenging yourself to believe in yourself, and your ability to achieve all that you desire. Cut out pictures, or words, or anything else that can help to define your dream outcome, and let the universe do it’s thing while you do yours. You have to fight through all that conditioning that has had you believing that dreams were for other people, not you. You have to fight through that imposter syndrome as you pursue your dreams, and then again once you achieve them. You have to convince yourself that you belong exactly where you want to be. Always remember that you will look to prove what you believe to be true, so strive to think only the best about your opportunities and abilities. 

For those of you listening to this and realizing that you have not followed your passions for whatever reason, you can still find ways to express your passions and share your gifts, even if it isn’t through your job, or you can always change career paths. People find themselves in various jobs and careers for a variety of reasons. And it’s easy to see how anyone could feel trapped on a path based on the lifestyle it affords, or the respect it commands, or any other attachments or fears. I’ve always identified with the idea that a job, or any situation, can feel like a set of golden handcuffs, keeping you trapped in a bad situation because of the benefits of that situation. And just like Briar Rabbit, it feels safer to sit in the thorns than it does to risk everything with change.

But, if you are ready to change, you are going to need to learn how to ignore those illusions that tell you you can’t. It can be so hard to change the way we see ourselves. It can be hard to not let who you’ve been, hold you back from who you can be. It is so easy to allow fear of the unknown, and fear of failure, to keep you sitting in that thorn bush way too long. I think of the L shaped change metaphor. That part of the journey where it looks so dark and uncertain ahead and you know there is light and certainty behind. Can you push past that dark corner to where you can now see the light at the other end, rather than only the light behind you. It can be a scary transition but it’s one we all have to make in order to change. 

When working toward change, expect challenges, but choose to see them as mile markers or coins to be collected, on your way to achieving your desired outcome. See them as part of the process. When you create obstacles in your mind, challenge them, watch them break down and fall apart as you properly identify them as self created illusions. Remember the catchy sayings: it’s your attitude, not your aptitude that determines your altitude, if you believe it you can achieve it, you are what you think. They’re all cliches because they’re true. 

So, what do you want to do with your life? What do you want your kids to do with their lives? Is it better to view the world as full of opportunities or burdened with obligations? Is it really possible that each human has their own special set of gifts and passions, and the power to change the world, one expression of those gifts and passions at a time? Is it possible that finding a sharing our passions is the true purpose of life? All of these things are not only possible but appear to actually be closer to the truth than what our education system currently teaches our kids. Our system tells kids they must find their career path and assimilate into the world as it exists. This new approach teaches kids to find their passion and learn how to share it with others to change the world rather than reinforce it’s dysfunction. Every person has passion for something. 

Even if you aren’t able to pinpoint your passion, it’s there. It’s likely been beaten down and labeled as counterproductive toward the conformity and assimilation that has been demanded of you your entire life. Theres never been a better time to jump out of the briars and start taking ownership of your story. There’s never been a better time to model for your children that work doesn’t have to be a miserable obligation, but rather it can be an opportunity to find, express and share each person’s unique set of gifts and passions. And through this discovery and expression, not only are you more likely to enjoy life, but you’re also more likely to have a positive impact on this world, and we sure do need more of that. The best time to plant a tree may have been 20 years ago, but the second best time is today.

Thank you for joining me for another session of almost therapy at the b spot. Hopefully you’re thinking about your challenge of “earning a living” just a little bit differently. And maybe you can help your kids challenge that same strange idea that we are all trained to believe, that we must somehow earn our right to live by working. I assure you, you each have already earned the right to live. Your energy has been floating around this universe for thousands of years and has the same value as all of the other energy in the universe.  Your purpose, my purpose, and everyone’s purpose for being here is not to earn the most money or buy the fanciest toys to play with, or the fanciest box to live in. Our purpose is to share our energy, our gifts, our passions with the world, and by doing so, we make the world just a bit brighter and more positive. And again, just imagine if everyone were doing that. What a world it would be. 

Remember, you can participate in this podcast by emailing me at bhellercounseling@gmail.com any thoughts, concerns, questions, or issues, and I will respond to you, because my unique set of gifts and passions involve understanding and helping people. Once again, I don’t know what topics our next session will cover but I hope you’ll join me. Until then, be well.