The Devil You Don’t Know
Cultivating Authentic Happiness: Practical Pathways to a Balanced Life
Discover the secrets to a happier and more balanced life with Colleen Jednak, a personal trainer, life coach, and "happiness trainer." In this episode, Colleen shares her transformative journey from the corporate grind to creating her own fitness programs like Stroller Mamas and Strong Mamas. Learn how physical activity can be a gateway to mental clarity and overall well-being as Colleen reveals the powerful connection between a positive mindset and a fulfilling life. Hear Lindsay's touching story about how meeting Colleen through a local fitness class changed her life forever.
We delve into the practical strategies to help you achieve authentic happiness by balancing six essential life "buckets"—fitness, home, finances, work, mind, family, and social time. Colleen provides actionable tips on using meditation, vision boards, and guided imagery to visualize and accomplish your goals. The journey also touches upon the importance of financial security and supportive relationships and how gratitude can help you find happiness in the present moment, even during challenging times.
As we wrap up, Colleen introduces loving-kindness meditation and the importance of creating a peaceful home environment. She shares success stories of clients who have transformed their lives through these practices, emphasizing the long-term benefits of cultivating healthy habits and resilience. We also look forward to Colleen's plans, including virtual classes and a forthcoming book to enhance daily joy and productivity. Join us to uncover how to spread happiness through authenticity and structured routines.
To find out more about Colleen or to book a session, visit: https://strongmamas.com/
Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com
Discover the secrets to a happier and more balanced life with Colleen Jednak, a personal trainer, life coach, and "happiness trainer." In this episode, Colleen shares her transformative journey from the corporate grind to creating her own fitness programs like Stroller Mamas and Strong Mamas. Learn how physical activity can be a gateway to mental clarity and overall well-being as Colleen reveals the powerful connection between a positive mindset and a fulfilling life. Hear Lindsay's touching story about how meeting Colleen through a local fitness class changed her life forever.
We delve into the practical strategies to help you achieve authentic happiness by balancing six essential life "buckets"—fitness, home, finances, work, mind, family, and social time. Colleen provides actionable tips on using meditation, vision boards, and guided imagery to visualize and accomplish your goals. The journey also touches upon the importance of financial security and supportive relationships and how gratitude can help you find happiness in the present moment, even during challenging times.
As we wrap up, Colleen introduces loving-kindness meditation and the importance of creating a peaceful home environment. She shares success stories of clients who have transformed their lives through these practices, emphasizing the long-term benefits of cultivating healthy habits and resilience. We also look forward to Colleen's plans, including virtual classes and a forthcoming book to enhance daily joy and productivity. Join us to uncover how to spread happiness through authenticity and structured routines.
To find out more about Colleen or to book a session, visit: https://strongmamas.com/
Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com
This is Cleveland.
Speaker 2:This is Lindsay.
Speaker 1:And this is another episode of the Devil you Don't Know Cleveland's. The early retirement episode is what we'll probably call this one. Today we have a special guest. We're not going to get into our regular banner. I just came from Deadpool and Wolverine. The MCU is back, baby. I do not know how they kept all of those cameos secret. This is my favorite line of the movie because by the time this is drops, all these secrets will be out. But my favorite line of the movie is there is only one blade and there will always only be one blade. And for those of you who are Wesley Snipes fans, you will definitely get that reference and you will definitely be excited to see Wesley Snipes in this film. But that being said, I'm very happy. We are with a happiness trainer, Colleen and Lindsay, a good friend of Lindsay's. I'll let Lindsay do the proper introduction and let Lindsay take it from here.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we're here with Colleen Jednak, who is a personal trainer, life coach and I always say happiness trainer that's my favorite description of her job. So, colleen, you could tell us a little bit about yourself, sure?
Speaker 3:Absolutely so. I graduated from college and went off and got my MBA in marketing and worked in the corporate world for a brief time and then I was working for myself, which was much better, and I was just trying to see figure out for myself where I was going to go next in that. And I was on a long bike ride, because when we're exercising is some of our clearest thought process time.
Speaker 2:I would agree with you he is an avid exercise.
Speaker 1:And it is very important to my mental health now that I am. You know, what's funny is the first thing I quit my job this week and the first thing that was important to me was reestablishing my gym membership outside of work. So I agree with you on that, colleague.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a hundred percent. So I was on a long bike training and just trying to think what am I going to do? Am I going to work in the city, but my kids are still so little? And ultimately I came up with the idea that I was going to work with moms on their fitness and introduce them through stroller mamas and strong mamas and that if I needed to bring my kids to work, I could. So it was the whole life balance thing. And a lot of people said, oh, that won't work. What's the backup plan? And I said, no, this is it. This is going to work. 22 years later, it's still working. It's still awesome. I was the first work from home person. Nobody had ever heard of such a crazy idea.
Speaker 2:And it was so wildly popular. I remember yeah exactly.
Speaker 3:So I started out with that, with the physical. So I got certified to be a personal trainer and then started the stroller mamas and strong mamas, and in doing so, we were talking a lot about life and what were the things that were getting people with? They were getting in their way from going for the walk or doing their exercise or eating properly, and people kept saying to me you know, you really should also be a life coach, because while we're exercising, we're also doing life coaching. So I so many people said it I thought I'll look into it. So I got certified as a holistic life coach first, and that also opened up a lot for me, because it was before Zoom and before all of these high tech media. So I thought, well, my personal training is all in person because nothing else existed, but I can do life coaching on the phone. This was Light bulb, right light bulb. So I had clients all over the country, which was super exciting.
Speaker 3:And then, during the pandemic, so many of my clients kept saying you know, I'm just. I feel like I'm stuck in oatmeal. Everything is gray. I lost all the color in my life. I, I just. Nothing is sparking me and I thought people need some glitter, they need some happiness. And how can I go about adding more glitter and happiness? Because that's the spark and it is what it's like a well oiled wheel that the happier you are, the better you eat, the more you exercise, the more you make plans with friends, the more you do those things, the happier you feel. And it just is a self-fulfilling prophecy Doesn't mean that bad things are not going to happen. You can still get knocked off your bike, but if you've got all of those things to support you and all those habits in place, it is a lot easier to stand back up when you've got a whole support system, including what's inside your head and your heart, to help pull yourself back up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really love that and I will tell everyone how you and I met was actually, you know, before, like you said, all of this video and before all the social media, I had gone on this weight loss journey and we had moved to Westchester County and there was Strong Mama's ad in the local newspaper. So this was before that. Even like we emailed and everything, I would call you up and be like I really want to lose weight and you invited me to. I think I've been to class in your basement. You were in my living room and you eliminated the need for me, as a stay at home mom, to get a babysitter so I can exercise and Lila would exercise with us. I think we were even pre Lila yes, or she was born right after we moved there, so she was probably an infant and then into the toddler years when she would make herself available to hang out with us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, but I do. I agree with what you're saying and I love the idea of happiness training because I do think that I share also with my clients. For me it's a big piece of meditation and breathing is, and I also say to them if that's not for you, lift weights, ride a bike, take a walk, because these are the things that drain that nervous system battery. And then you do. You inevitably feel better.
Speaker 1:You know, colleen, one of the questions I want to ask you in regards to like happiness training is how do you find it, in this modern world, right? When we look at the news and I am so thankful once again, to not be at a job that I have to look at the news every day and be absorbed by all those things there are so many reasons to be unhappy. So how does happiness training work, or how did you say it works, and how can somebody combat all the negative energy that they're for that, that they're faced with in the world today?
Speaker 3:That's a great question. So to prepare for today, I had pulled out Henry David Thoreau's quote on happiness, which is happiness is like a butterfly. David Thoreau's quote on happiness, which is happiness, is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. And so a lot of what the happiness training is is we focus on the holistic aspects of your life and they sort of boil down to six similar things. And we'll go through that in everybody's life, no matter what your goals are. And when we I call them the buckets, and when we balance these buckets, you typically find your happiness rising. And then you get into those habits of maintaining those buckets as well as you can and it will increase your happiness.
Speaker 3:But if you just go out and say I want to be happier, a lot of people will go to the bar to look for happiness, or they'll go to tj maxx to look for happiness, or in all of these outside things. The buckets are inside things. You look inside, but if you try to chase it too hard then it becomes impossible. So the six buckets that pretty much everybody has these same six categories. There's fitness and health and there's your home. I don't care if you live in a studio apartment or a mansion. Your finances, your work which is not the same as your finances and work can also if you're not employed, it can also be how do you spend your day, how do you employ yourself, your, your mind, um, your family is a another bucket and the last one is your social or adult time, because those are all very important people, a solid base in one, like they might exercise time.
Speaker 3:There's some issues or stress going on in the other. During the pandemic, a lot of these were sort of dulled down, but you can still find ways of finding the glitter in each of those categories. So when I'm working with someone, we literally go through each of those categories and I ask them their first homework is I want you to meditate, and if you've never meditated before, just go for a walk. Imagine in six months from today, what do you want each of those buckets to look and feel like. And then the next meeting, we go through that very image and OK, so that's all possible. What do we need to do? What action is necessary in order to achieve that? To do? What action is necessary in?
Speaker 2:order to achieve that. How do you think people respond to that? Because I get a lot of pushback from clients that I can't meditate, I don't do this. And week after week they come back to therapy and I keep saying to them and I'm really very adamant with them If you want to feel better, you have to change something, because every single day, if you're going to the same job and you can't stand it, you absolutely hate it. Right? Who gets the worst of you? Your children, your husband? You come home, just like you were saying. You go to the bar.
Speaker 2:I used to be the person that would turn to go at night oh, a glass of wine, I'll relax. A glass of wine, I'll relax. And then I said one day like you know what, like this isn't really not the best outlet for the stress, so there has to be something else. And so we've, you know, kind of stopped that daily drinking here, and now it's like, oh, if we go out, we'll have a drink. It's like a treat, we go out, we have a nice cocktail. But I am a big believer in a lot of these things. So what do you do when you have a client who's challenged by that? Because I see that a lot as a therapist.
Speaker 3:Sure, absolutely. So. I think a lot of people think that to meditate, one must sit on a hardwood floor and sit in a cross-legged position and you know, just hum, or something. And that's not the case at all. You can, as you said, go for a walk outside, not in traffic. Something, calm, right, um, go for a bike ride, um. And there's a lot of guided meditations too that are five, ten minutes long. They're free on youtube.
Speaker 3:And just to let people try, or I'll say, lay on your bed with a heating pad and an eye mask and just think about what we've talked about. Think about what would, if you had a magic wand, what would each of these buckets look like in six months? You know, maybe you would be walking daily to help lose weight or reduce your stress. Maybe you would have changed jobs, or sometimes people just need to be brave enough to ask for that promotion or that raise that they've been putting off. So it doesn't matter exactly what the goal is.
Speaker 3:The goal can be anything. Maybe it's someone who is not in a relationship but would very much like to be in a relationship, so, and if that all still feels too hocus pocus to them, it's fine. We're going to make a vision board. I want you to surf the Internet and Google and crop six photos, each which represents one of these buckets, and we're going to make it into a photo collage and we're going to put it to a place. You see all the time and I've done this for myself and it works and you look at it and you're like, oh, my goodness, I got every single one of these things right, I love that.
Speaker 2:I'm actually gonna do that. I'm gonna make cleve do it too, because you know he just left his job and, um, you know, a big part of it was I actually said we have this kind of joke between us, right, and you're in a second marriage now, so you know, but like when we got together, cleve, is a permanent marriage. Yes, Right, but it's the second one.
Speaker 1:You had to have a trial first.
Speaker 2:I like that I had to go through the trial marriage also to get to the, to get to the real, the real good one. But a lot of the things that I say to him are like when we go on vacation, that's the only time that this man is without the work computer and the work phone. And every time we go away I'm like I love vacation, Cleve. That is my favorite version of Cleve because he's so stress free. And what you were saying earlier is we work in these environments where it's everything is just controlling and coming down from above and it's really hard to make a change. So when he resigned I was like wow, this is great, I'm getting the best version of him every day now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one of the things I just want to add in there is, you know, and just just talking about happiness in general, I've had in the last week since I left and I caused a lot of shock waves on my way out and I'm eventually going to record a podcast about why I left and the reasons why I left Is happiness is important to me.
Speaker 1:I had an executive actually argue with me and a good guy, good friend, called me up on Thursday night and argue with me. You know that, you know you got to go back and get the bag, you got to go back for the money, right, and I actually said to him there's a scripture in the Bible that says do not give what is holy to dogs and do not throw your pearls before swine. And so to me, happiness when I think of that scripture. Happiness is being my authentic self. I am not going to give myself to a set of circumstances or a situation just for financial security or financial happiness quote, unquote in this capitalist society but I'm going to do be authentic and be myself.
Speaker 2:And don't you think and you can speak to this with your experience with clients, colleen but sometimes I feel and I've done this with my own job. I work for myself, like you, and I'm very blessed to have that because it's lucrative, but I also, every day, I get to decide what I do. But I think that it's. You know it's hard, it's hard to leave those environments, but most people are unhappy because they compromise their authenticity to follow a set of rules that is placed upon them.
Speaker 3:I think there is a lot of unhappiness in the world that is that stems from molding your own self into other people's rules and expectations. Now, that doesn't mean that every single person listening to your podcast should quit their job and go skipping down the street. Before one does such a thing, then you need to know that your financial ducks are in a row and that you're not going, because your happiness will not increase if you become homeless.
Speaker 1:Right, right.
Speaker 3:But if you have, if you've sort of done the right things and you have a savings account and you have a 401k and you know, you know how you're going to handle your health insurance and that sort of thing going forward, and and if you don't, then that would be what we would talk about in your work and finance buckets, like, okay, let's get these things lined up. So if this job is stealing your, your glitter, your soul, your, you know reason for wanting to get up in the morning. There are other options. Fear is a liar. Fear will tell you you are not good enough, you will not make it, you will not survive, you will not get through this.
Speaker 3:In 2008, when there was the huge financial crisis, especially in the New York area, where I was working and self-employed, I heard so many times people saying well, what are you going to do now? You're going to have to get a real job, a real job, even though I was working full time and supporting my family, just fine. I was going to have to get a real job because, with the financial crisis, nobody was going to hire a personal trainer. That was just absurd. Why would they waste their money on such a thing?
Speaker 3:I ended up being busier because people who had been laid off were calling to say can I see you two or three or four times a week? I need to go to these interviews looking shiny and healthy and fabulous and on top of my game, and I need to remind myself who I was when I knew who I was. And so if I had listened to oh, my goodness, the financial. You know, all these companies are closing, the financial giants are falling to their knees. How is strong mama's ever going to survive this? I would have thrown in the towel, but I said no way. I believe that my service is very, very important, and that's what I manifested and that's what I called to myself, and so manifesting is another part of that whole meditation. I ask them to ask the universe what exactly do you want?
Speaker 2:I like that, cleve. That's something that Cleve and I really differ on, because he's always like, oh, you should go get a full time job, go to a classroom, go do this, and I'm like you can't pay me enough to do that. I have zero desire to do that. I love freedom, I love flexibility and I've set myself up so that when my last one goes off to college in a year, that I get to live my dream, which is half the year in the Caribbean and half the year somewhere in New York or in the mountains, wherever it may be. And I I will never, ever compromise anything and I will work, like you, hard to make that dream happen, because to me, I don't see the happiness and I don't feel the fulfillment when I'm working around those other environments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Colleen, to your point, yeah, and I do want it, because sometimes people sell a dream and they sell, you know, like, oh, you can just be happy by quitting your job. But I do want to make sure that I that I concur and agree with you, because it was one of the final things I said to my boss as they tried to encourage me to stay as like, nah, my wife, my wife makes money, we're good, we're good, but you're right, like you, can't you? Before you pursue a dream, the dream has to have a foundation, and before you pursue happiness, happiness has to have a foundation. So you do have to have that financial security piece in place.
Speaker 2:Definitely, and we are fortunate because I know there's not a lot of people who would be able to do that. But the other thing I've noticed is that since Cleve stopped working right, my stress has gone down so much. Stopped working for a company.
Speaker 1:For corporate.
Speaker 3:America. He's now. I'm his boss now?
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you, let's make that clarification.
Speaker 2:But before I would start my day later to bring Ben to work and then I'd have to end my day to go get Ben. And I said to him this is great because, like my stress went down now because I know when I come home I'm not going to have to run in and go pick someone up and drop someone off and make all these calls to change things, then do dinner and do dishes and clean the house, because now I have like a partner who's like when he's here he's present.
Speaker 3:Right. So one of the things I do a lot in happiness training is, as, as both of you have said, not everyone can walk away from their corporate job for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's the health insurance, maybe they haven't yet saved enough to be able to step aside and do something else. But one of the biggest points I try to drive home in happiness training is you can be happy right now. You don't have to wait. You can be happy right now. So even if you have to stay in a job that you're good at but doesn't necessarily give you great joy, you can still wake up every day and make your gratitude list of the five things you're good at but doesn't necessarily give you great joy. You can still wake up every day and make your gratitude list of the five things you're grateful for, and that cumulative gratitude really helps. Which can be. I'm grateful for health insurance. I am grateful for some of my colleagues, I'm, you know, whatever it is. But you can still be happy, even if everything isn't what you would choose with the magic wand. So you can still choose your partner, your your romantic partner, to be someone that is very, it makes you laugh and that appreciates you, and you can wear clothes that make you happy and you can exercise to increase your joy. You know all those. If you've ever talked to a teenager and I know both of you have you know how powerful hormones are. Oh yes, let's talk about hormones, things that help to increase your happiness, like exercise, like eat a clean diet, like make plans with friends who make you feel like you're the best gift to the world and vice versa, that you're lifting them up as well. You are increasing your dopamine levels, your serotoninin, your endorphins. Laughing with a friend is as much going to increase your endorphins as going for a jog. You, in doing all of those things and being grateful for every day that you have, because today is really you know, you hear it all the time and you might not hear it because you hear it so often Today's all we have. So let's make the most of every single day.
Speaker 3:And when you walk into your office, even if you don't love your job, smile at people.
Speaker 3:At first they might think you're insane and what do you want, and then they will start smiling back. During the pandemic, I'd go for long walks and everyone had their mask on and they looked completely freaked out and I was walking down, waving and smiling, I'd pull my mask down from across the street and smile, and I even got a mask that had a big smile on it because I felt so emotionally shut off. A big smile on it because I felt so emotionally shut off and I or I would tell the checkout person at the grocery store I'm smiling at you behind my mask. I would tell them I'm smiling at you and they'd say, oh, I can see it, I can see your eyes, I can see you're smiling. So the way you approach the world, no matter how the world approaches you back, you dictate that you decide how I am going to react to the world and the world will start reacting back and again. You can't stop people you love from dying. You can't stop teenagers from making dopey mistakes. Sometimes that's what they do, that's what they do.
Speaker 3:That's what they do. But you can create this amazing glittery garden of happiness that lives in your heart, chakra and your mind and it will just start shooting out your pores and people will have no choice but to smile at you. I would ride the subway in the South Bronx and everybody looked down and nobody smiled and I'd get out of like good morning.
Speaker 2:I do that. I do that all the time. And one of my colleagues always says to me she's like how do you not get annoyed with these people? And I was like every day when I wake up and sometimes Cleve can say it'll annoy him too I make a decision that I'm not going to be aggravated. I don't do aggravation. And so sometimes Cleve says it annoys him because sometimes he wants to have a fight and he's like it's so annoying because you'll just communicate with me and then just say I'm not going to speak with you right now. I need a few minutes. And he gets so frustrated but I don't do aggravation, I'm Whatever's going on with someone else, I don't need it projected on me.
Speaker 1:So, colleen, I just want to ask you a quick question. And there are people and I agree with you Right when I was at work in client services, I remember I always was pleasant and had a smile and I remember one time a young lady who I barely knew didn't really know at all just was like every time I see you I just know things are going to be all right. So I agree with you. No-transcript.
Speaker 3:Because it's. It's a great question, cleve, and real positivity is authentic. It's coming from inside. It's not again. We're not finding it in the bar or in the store or anywhere, except for inside your own heart and mind and soul. So they can say, well, it's not real, or she can't actually be that happy all the time. And people ask my husband like, does she actually wake up and rise and shine?
Speaker 3:and he said, yeah, the rise and shine is real oh, I know, because sometimes we text each other at 5 am exactly exactly, um so so it's not toxic if it's authentic and even as positive as I am we've talked about a little bit, bad things will still happen. You know, I will still lose people that I love, and that's hard. And then it's important to still be authentic and to say this hurts.
Speaker 3:This is really a challenging loss, and it's OK to not always be OK, and it's OK to not be OK, but one of the things, the way you bounce back is by going back to those buckets and seeing where you can fill them up and ask for help, and slowly and it's not a quick fix, it's not I'm going to take this pill or this magic thing and instantly feel better it's more a slow returning to self, and sometimes it's even realizing that you can carry grief and joy at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that, I really do. My breathwork teacher, who I work really closely with her daughter once one of the daughter's friends asked her what does your mom do? And she said my mom helps people remember who they are Right, and it sounds a little bit like that's what you do as well. You help people kind of get to the core of who they authentically are and how can they navigate life from that place.
Speaker 3:Right, and sometimes it's. Who did you want to be when you were 22? That might've been your most authentic imagery of what you wanted your life to be. And sometimes things have to change, and that's okay, and sometimes we choose to change. But what is it that you want for your body, for your home, for your financial stability? For what kind of work do you want to do? What kind of relationships do you want with your family? Even if there's someone in your family that you are never going to speak to again because they've passed away or just something happened, you can still write them a letter that you will never send, and either forgive them or ask for forgiveness, even if they're no longer on this earth, and allow your inner self peace.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, I've done an exercise in meditation when I was on retreat last year where we sent out kind of prayers and meditation and like loving kindness to people who needed it.
Speaker 2:And it was so interesting because I didn't choose any of the people in my life who really reciprocate what I give to them.
Speaker 2:I kind of gave it to the people that aggravate me, because I thought it takes so much energy to be a negative person that you have to sit there and remember that you're like kind of nasty all the time, right, and so I was kind of throwing out all this love to these people around me that I knew needed it. The people that would drive me crazy at work or be nagging me with 500 phone calls or yelling at me you know, the teenagers in the house. So and I and I and that was like I think the big change for me with the aggravation piece is like why am I going to let other people aggravate me like I'm going to be? I'm going to be happy because I'm a happy person. I like myself, I like my life, I love my husband, I love everything about what we've created. So there's no time for me to be angry and be upset. So I just say, those people just need compassion from us, exactly.
Speaker 3:Have you talked a lot about loving kindness on your podcast before? Do people know about it? Because it's one of my favorite meditation techniques.
Speaker 2:No, but please you can share it with the listeners. Sure.
Speaker 3:So and this is this is my take on it, and there can be as many takes on it as there are humans. So mine is you first wish to yourself the things you would most like to receive from the universe. So may I be peaceful, may I be healthy, or whatever it is. There's no wrong combination. You sort of repeat that to yourself for a minute or two. And then the next level is your people, your pod. It might be your family, it might be your best friends, it might be whoever those people are that are your, your posse, your go-to, and you wish for them what you think they most need and deserve good things, not bad things, good things from the universe. And then the next level is maybe people that you don't even know it might be. You know, may our country be peaceful as we go through this election process, so may we be respectful. And it can be your community, your town, it could be the whole globe, it can be be, but it's not necessarily people you interact with all the time.
Speaker 3:And then that fourth level for me is the people causing you the most angst. Now, it could be someone you don't know, like osama bin laden, it could be an ex-spouse, it can be a colleague, but you, in the same tone, you're going to wish them what you think they most need. That is a positive thing. May they feel peaceful, may they feel appreciated, whatever it is, and they might actually receive that gift from the universe, which would be great, because then they'll treat you more nicely. But even if they don't get it, it heals broken pieces inside of yourself because you have sent them that positive energy. Positive energy we send out, I feel, is as healing as positive energy we receive from ourselves and other people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would agree with that. Can you give us an example of how you might tailor your happiness training for different individuals that you work with based on what their goals and needs are?
Speaker 3:Sure, absolutely, because usually the first session is you know. So why are we meeting? What is? What is it that you're looking for? And it might be someone who really wants to get married and have children, but they keep dating all the wrong people. So we would be focusing on manifesting what is that? What is that person? Not what they look like, not their height, but who are they in your life? And it's it shouldn't be.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't want someone who's yelling and I don't want because that's then exactly who you're going to keep getting. But it might be. I'm looking for someone who appreciates me. I'm looking for someone who also really wants a family. I'm looking for someone that is open to new experiences. I'm looking for someone that's going to be introduced to me by someone I know. You know, I don't want to meet someone online. So all of these things are very important and very tangible, and I have had clients who we made this list and they couldn't even believe how quickly they met exactly that person, exactly that person. I've had others where they either want to quit a job or they've been laid off and they need to find employment, but they're not sure and their thought is well, I'm not going to get hired. Nobody's hiring me, it's not going to work and if you believe that, it's true I always say that I always.
Speaker 2:That's something I tell cleve all the time you can.
Speaker 3:You can just know that things are going to be okay, exactly right, like the universe has got your back exactly if you believe you are going to find the right job and then it is going to work out, even if, on paper, it doesn't seem like it should. It will, as I said, 2008,. Across the board, everyone said, well, you're going to have to get a real job because this is never going to work in this environment. And I said I hear what you're saying, but I don't believe it. I think this is going to be just fine and, if anything, I think it's going to grow. And so there's been so many times when, on paper, it shouldn't have worked out but it did.
Speaker 3:Other happiness clients they may have lost someone they loved and they're just down and they can't get back up and they need to learn again how to go through those different pieces of their life and put them back together. And sometimes things are really, really bad and they're like I just don't see how I will get to the other side of this. I said we're going to make it very small. Yes, what do you want in the next hour? What? So? What do we need to do in the next five minutes to get there? I'm not going to talk to you about five, five year plan. You just got. Your house just fell down. You're not the actual house, but right yeah the walled part around them.
Speaker 1:It probably feels like real quick, you, when you said house and home. I want to go back to one of those buckets that you talked about earlier. I was sitting with someone the other day and I asked them what was their greatest wish, and they said to have peace. And then I asked them about do they have peace in their home? And and they said I don't have a home, this is just the place that I happen to stay, so when and this is a person that does have a home but what they were saying is that the environment in the home was so hostile that it did not feel like home when they were there. So what, what would you say to someone like that who would say well, I do have a home, but it's not really home. It's not safe.
Speaker 3:Right, I have a place to live, but it's not my home. Yes, so, and that's another thing that people will come to me. They're like on paper, I have everything you could ever imagine.
Speaker 3:I have money, I have a house, I have a job, I have all these things, but I'm not happy. So when we go through the different buckets, sometimes things surface that they didn't even realize were bothering them. So if you have a house or an apartment or a studio that does not feel like your home, first declutter. Lindsay will tell you I am a huge fan of decluttering because then you can get rid of the stuff you don't need and start over. You know, only keep the clothes that fit, only keep the things that bring you joy. There's a, you know, there's a whole movement on you know, to condo Marie Kondo, yes, and then fill it up with things that bring you joy and happiness.
Speaker 3:It might be photos of family members or people you love. It might be artwork created by a child, and then go and frame that. You can frame it yourself, it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Colors that are your favorite colors. It could be a pillow, it can be a tapestry. I know your listeners can't see behind me, but you guys can see behind me. My house is filled with photos of my kids, of my stepchildren, of my siblings, and we have children's art and we have colors that make me happy and I have a disco ball. Lindsay knows about my disco ball.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yes, everywhere you live, it follows you.
Speaker 3:And it's just. I found it in the trash room and I came back in and my son, jack, said I thought you were taking the trash out. I said yes, but look, I found treasure. He said it's trash. I said it's treasure. And the way it reflects light. It brings me so much joy every single time, even though it was from the trash room. And I have lived in big houses and I have lived in small apartments and as long as they are clean and decluttered and filled with love, then it is my home. The people that walk in, they see myself reflected there and it is a place of refuge. When I go home I feel safe and happy and joyful yeah.
Speaker 2:Can you share an example of a success story for one of your clients that, like maybe, made a significant improvement in their life through the techniques that you teach them?
Speaker 3:Absolutely so. There was one person that I sort of alluded to earlier. So, there was one person that I sort of alluded to earlier. She didn't like her job at the time and she also was approaching her late 30s and very much wanted to get married and have children and it just she's just nothing's working out. You know, I don't like my job, it's not really a career. I'd like to work for myself, but I I don't know if I'll make enough money and how will I make that happen, and and I really, really, really want to have children.
Speaker 3:So, okay, and you know, she owned her own apartment and it was a beautiful apartment and all of those things, but there was these two pieces that were not working and, um, so I said, go for a long walk, and I want you to start thinking about exactly who you're looking for and what you see your family looking like, because this is clearly something very, very important. So she made the list of who that life partner would be, from everything to, you know, religion, that they were interested in having children, that they were, you know, kind well-educated, but not what they look, you know, sort of the it's what. No, I want someone I know to introduce us Within weeks. Someone she knew introduced her to the man that is now her husband and father of her children. She also started her, her husband and father of her children.
Speaker 3:Wow, she also started her own business and she was super scared. She's like how do you get over the fear factor? So will you just make your calendar and write down your working hours and get excited about the clients you don't have yet? You can't wait for them. The clients came, the networking happened, it all. And you know, since then there's been times where she did go to work for someone else, because sometimes, as a mother, that's the best thing to have a structure. Sometimes she worked for herself, because sometimes, as a mother, that's the best thing. So she went from someone who was unhappy in her work and not coupled with someone that was going to be a good partner and father to living exactly the life that she had imagined. And happiness is not always skipping down the streets feeling like I'm happy, I'm happy, like I'm happy, I'm happy. Sometimes it's just that peace deep inside of looking around at your life and saying, yes, this is good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's that. Yeah, it is good, and I think that do you like. On the flip side of it, do you ever have clients that have skepticism or will tell you it doesn't work?
Speaker 3:A lot of them will start out that way. You know, I offer a free 15 minute consultation so that we can talk about what I do and what they want and make sure it's a good fit. And sometimes they'll say, you know, it kind of sounds like hocus pocus, but somebody else I know tried it and they're super happy now. So you know I'll say part of it is taking your preconceived notions and putting them down. If you're open to just because what you're doing isn't working, so if you're interested in just trying it, it's not going to hurt. You take your those notions, put them down and just consider it. If you can believe that this might work, it just might work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then do you feel also, then, that the benefits of it are long term for your clients, that once they crack away with it? Of course you know I always say two steps forward, one step back. We're all going to encounter challenges in our life, but do you feel that, over the long term, that most of your clients sustain the change?
Speaker 3:Yes, because it's all about creating habits. So we have, as we go through, we're talking about what's your homework for next week, what's your three month goals, your six month goals, your one year goals, and, if they're there, sometimes we'll talk about the five year goals. Sometimes five year seems way too far. So it's all about establishing habits. It's the healthy diet, it's the exercise, and it doesn't have to be a, you know, boot camp class. It can be going for a walk or doing a spinning class on a bicycle at home, um, and for work. It's for each of these things it's all about establishing habits.
Speaker 3:Does it mean you're never going to have a bad day? Of course not, but it means having cumulative gratitude and these positive habits that will help you move forward. So when bad things happen, you can stand back up or you at least know how to ask for help. Sometimes something so horrific will happen in their life that they need to come back and do a couple more sessions. Sometimes I get the opposite. I'll get a text saying, hey, can we schedule a meeting? I can't wait to tell you how great everything is going. Oh, I love that.
Speaker 2:So happy, Like of course we can. Yes, I do that with my breathwork coach all the time and it's just like you know, you see these moments in your life where all these great things happen and everything starts to align and you're like this is just amazing, Right. And so it's like, it's great to see that. I'm sure, with clients, I love to see that, Like my very best therapy clients are the ones who don't need me after a period of time because I'm like, of course, they're the ones who, like, they take the tools and they do the work between sessions and I love that and I tell them that I'm like you're like one of my favorites because you just came in and you hit the ground running. So yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:So if you don't mind, I'd love to like talk to you a little bit about your personal life, because the whole purpose of this podcast for us was taking this leap right. I made a big career change in midlife and Cleve is obviously now doing the same a little sooner than he had expected. But you know, you've made some big changes too, and so you've been on this path for a long time with the happiness training. So how was it for you to kind of get up and pack up from a place where you knew everybody and everything and you were so popular and I mean you can tell everybody because you didn't take a big move and you know, with your new husband, the forever?
Speaker 2:husband so you know how, how did this kind of these tools and your lifestyle help you through that and did you encounter any kind of stresses or, you know, fears in yourself?
Speaker 3:So when something big like that happens, you know an opportunity to move a thousand miles away. I life coach myself. I write the same six buckets out that I go through with everybody else and go through each one and list out what are good, what's good in that bucket and what's scary or unsettled in that bucket. And for the most part it gives me a good confidence base, because then you can see, you know it's all small stuff. So we're moving, we don't have a house, I don't know anybody, I don't have any clients, um, but so what am I going to do about that? Well, I came down and I volunteered and I, um, you know, started up with new clients. I advertised my business. I didn't know anybody in our neighborhood. So we, every month, started having a meet the neighbors party, so everybody would come and we met the neighbors and they all met each other and that was all great.
Speaker 3:So it would be untrue if I said there was no butterflies. Of course there's butterflies. There's always butterflies when there's something completely unknown. But where you are physically or geographically doesn't always matter, because the biggest thing that I brought was me, yeah, and I. My happiness depends on what's going on inside my own head and heart. So it doesn't matter if I'm in florida, connecticut or California or anywhere, because wherever I go, I am there and all I have to do is those same things. You know, smile, put myself out there, create, think about well, what do I want here? I want friends, I want clients, I want to make a difference in my community through volunteer work. So you need to leave the house and do those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have a general contentment with your life. I'm the same way and I always say I could pick up and move anywhere I really like. I could go to Alaska, although you know I like warm weather but I could also go to the Caribbean and I don't have a problem not knowing people or worrying about meeting people, because I also enjoy my own company so much that I don't feel pressured to like go somewhere and have to be making all these friends and making myself fit in, because I, you know, I have a general contentment with my myself and I'm sure you probably have the same thing.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and I thought for the new neighbor parties, only the people that want to meet other people are going to come. Nobody who doesn't want to come is going to show up, and that's fine. They can go to them. Might be interesting for people to hear is was there any personal experience of mine that significantly influenced my approach to happiness and wellbeing? And I thought that was a great question because you know, of course we all have that.
Speaker 3:So back a million years ago, when I was getting divorced, my children were very small and I was concerned about them and I was heartbroken myself. Obviously, it all worked out. I went and I talked to therapists age appropriate for each of the kids and each of them said when I expressed my concern about my children's happiness, they said they will reflect the happiness they see in you. So if you are completely stressed out and falling apart, they too will. That will be how they experience this. If you can pull it together and put your big girl panties on and move forward fearlessly, then so will they.
Speaker 3:And I thought all three therapists said this. They didn't speak to each other. I need to look myself in the mirror and say all right, then let's go. What can I do to heal myself and to increase my glitter and happiness, so that I have more of that to share with them, because there's nobody more important in my life than they are. Yeah, and then I've been able, you know, 18 years later, to share that with my husband, and with his children and grandchildren as well, because I have nothing to prove. I like myself, I like my life and I only want to add happiness to other people. And if you don't want that, that's fine. I wish you well on your journey, absolutely, but that was a real wake up eye opening moment for me when they all said the same thing.
Speaker 2:It's so true because I always say to clients who don't want to get a divorce because of their kids I said so you're just going to teach your children to stay with somebody, despite whether they are happy and love or not, right? And the other thing I see a lot at work is parents. When I evaluate children, well, they're cursing and they're doing that. And I said, oh well, where do you suppose they heard that from? Right, whose behavior are they emulating? Because that's what children do. And the mother's like oh well, sometimes I'm on the phone with my friends. I said, OK, mom, well, your child is cursing because he heard someone curse. I said, right, so if you want your child to stop cursing, you have to stop cursing, right. So it's the same thing, right? Our children learn because we are the model for them, exactly.
Speaker 3:And it's OK to apologize to your children, also to say you know what. I was really tired and stressed. I spoke to you in a way that I am not proud of and I am truly sorry and I'm going to try to do better.
Speaker 2:And have you seen the effects of it? I know here we've seen the effects of it. I even said recently to Lila because I'm in a training with Gabor Mate now and I said to Lila it was like about parenting and who did you talk to and all these things. And I said to her one day I was listening to this module and it brought up some stuff. And I'm sitting here and I'm crying and she's like are you okay? I said I'm so sorry for like all the material that I've given you for your future therapy. I'm so sorry for like all the material that I've given you for your future therapy.
Speaker 2:And she was like and you know, it's like we have such well-adjusted kids because of that behavior that she was like yeah, you know what, mom, I love you. I don't like you all the time and you don't like me all the time either. I mean she's 16. So and she goes. Yeah, she said. But you know what she said at the end of the day, I always love you. And I thought like what an intelligent thing for a 16 year old to say is like you know what? Yeah, we don't like each other all the time, but you know she does. She does know from us like how to communicate with each other. We have a very peaceful household, not to say that there's not turmoil, but you know, we all speak respectfully to each other and if it starts to get escalated, we just say like listen, I know you're not upset with me for something, so whatever you need to talk about, I'm here for you, but I can't be the punching bag, right? So kids emulate what they see us do.
Speaker 3:Right, right. And so, if there's a takeaway, I would say if you want to pursue happiness, listen to Thoreau. You can't just go chasing happiness, because it's not a quick fix, it's definitely an inside job. It's like a garden. It's something that grows. Sometimes you have to weed it, sometimes something's dead, you got to pull it out all together. But as long as you're honest with yourself, truly honest with yourself, and kind to those you encounter, whether you know them or not, then happiness is absolutely achievable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you only got I know you. You said you had to be out by two 45. So I just want to make sure that we're respectful of your time as we're coming up on an hour, um, but yeah, I think all of those things are important. I think what happens in our culture, especially Jonathan Hayton I've been talking about it very much in every podcast. It's definitely a book folks should go out and get which is the Anxious Generation. They get caught up on mundane and superficial things and think that's what brings happiness, and true happiness is something that you have to work for and it's something like you said. It's happiness training. It's not something that you fall into, and so I really really just think that you know folks need to understand where their happiness is from, or the function of the things that they do and like how is, how do certain things serve or do not serve their happiness, and so I think this is definitely like a very, very timely topic that you've come in and shared with us today.
Speaker 3:Well it's, it's been fun for me. I was looking forward to it.
Speaker 2:I always look forward to seeing your face.
Speaker 1:And definitely I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not wrapping it up quite yet, but definitely I'm sure our audience would definitely enjoy to hear back from you again with when when time avails. But I'll let Lindsay continue the conversation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe we'll. Maybe we'll have the Mr Jed neck on with you and we can talk about. You know how to, how to like what happens. You know when you find the marriage that works right, what are the things that happened to lead you there. But you know, before we wrap up, do you have any? You know podcast, books or resources that you rely on regularly?
Speaker 3:I for myself, I meditate a lot. There is a book about happiness that I can text you later. I forget the title now, but it's I think it was the happiness project, which was just. That was really interesting. I never had seen anybody writing books specifically about happiness, and I also read a lot of books on the longevity studies, because mostly people who live to be 105 are not miserable people.
Speaker 2:Yes, did you watch the blue zones right? Very fascinating, not?
Speaker 3:books because I true, you know, even say people who've been through horrible things holocaust survivors they have a deep sense of gratitude and they've been through terrible things. So the people who are grateful and are happy tend to live a long life also. So it all goes together. And so what did they do? You know they ate well, they exercised, they were surrounded themselves with family and friends. They did all of the things that we talk about doing, and I'm actually writing a book. I will maybe I'll be on when I finish my book. It is originally was titled how to Wake Up Happy, and then I thought maybe happy is too high a goal for some people. So it's now how to Wake Up Happier, how to wake up happier.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that, I love that.
Speaker 2:Do you know that there's a professor at Harvard that teaches a class on happiness and I just listened Tara Brock in her podcast interviewed the professor, and Tara Brock and Jack Kornfield are another great resource for people and I don't know if you. With all of my clients. They have a free 30 day mindfulness meditation program and I give it to all my clients. So if you have clients that are interested, I can give you that link as well. But it's a nice. It comes to your inbox and I tell my clients you can do it anywhere, at any time. You can lay in bed, you can sit in the dark, but sometimes, you know, filling your head with the guided meditation like you were talking about earlier, it gets that the cyclical thinking to stop because you're getting something else to listen to.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and even some of the books that have been around for a while, how to not sweat the small stuff. You know all of that. Know all of that, it's true. You know if you are totally obsessing about something, stop clean out a drawer. Don't stop cleaning the drawer until everything has been taken out and you decide if it goes back in the drawer or not, and then probably you will forget what you were, so freaked out about?
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know what I started doing too recently because I was complaining that work was taking all of my time and I didn't have time to cook and do these things. And I said well, you know what Like, if you want to lose weight, then you need to make the time. So I get up in the morning now and I set an alarm for 90 minutes. When that 90 minutes is up, the computer goes back for the day and then I go and I start the dinner prep if we're not going to be home until late or we're not going to eat until late. And so far it's been, it's been great, because I feel that when I'm doing specific things, I'm so much more productive with my time, which then, like my stress level, is so much lower.
Speaker 3:Of course. Of course, Anything that is important to you is worth making the time for. So when there's a cartoon, it's a doctor and a patient, the patient sitting in their gown on the table, and the patient says the doctor, I don't have time to exercise an hour a day. And the doctor says, oh, do you have time to be dead 24 hours a day? And that's it. That's the whole cartoon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, and it's so true. You have to make time Right. We get to choose what we do with our time as adults, and there's a lot of wasted time in my day if I don't structure it the way that I structure it, like I don't believe in wasting my own time, I don't believe in being aggravated, so. But you know so before we wrap up. You know you've actually very successfully transitioned your practice down to Florida now. So what are some of the goals? Do you have goals to you know? Expand or bring back some of these programs that I used to do with you where I could bring the kids along? Sure?
Speaker 3:So so, yes, so both in person, and then I'm also going to be putting together some virtual classes where I'm hoping that I can have both live classes virtually, but also so that the live classes get recorded into an app so it's not everybody has the same time schedule, so then the person would still be able to participate as if it was live, even though they're not joining when everybody else is locked on. Also coming out with my book. So I'm very excited about that and when the book comes out then hopefully get some media attention for that, because I would love for my legacy to be to be able to touch as many people, to help them, encourage them to be as happy and as healthy as they possibly can be. You know, it's not about the fame and fortune. For me, it's about can I? Can I reach enough people to help them smile more and have the energy to live the life that they've always wanted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you without a smile on your face, so I will say that you definitely brighten every room that you walk into.
Speaker 3:I've never 16 year streak.
Speaker 2:That's not like you just met, exactly so, and I think the thing I think the thing that probably makes you so popular also is that you come across as authentically being that way. There's really nothing kind of fake about your approach with people and the way that you interact with people, and I think that that's really remarkable, because I don't think I've ever met anyone else who is that happy all the time. So I do. I love that. I really love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what I want to add to it is Jordan Harbinger is one of my mentors says you should always leave people better off than they are, that each interaction should leave someone else better off than they, than you found them. And that is how I live my life. That is the. That is one of the main motivations that drove me to leave my job, because I did not feel that the interactions there were helping people or making people better. But I live my life that way. If I go to the supermarket, lindsay will tell you my dad was the same way Go to the supermarket, go down the street, go. You know, we're always kind, always polite, because I think, and especially in these dark and troubling times that we live in, that being happy, spreading happiness is, is the key. And there's a I would get into a whole thing Our friend Laurie Ulster.
Speaker 1:One of her favorite episodes of Star Trek is called Day of the Dove. Of Star Trek. It's called Day of the Dove. I won't get into it. But that episode they beat the villain in the end where the Kleons and the humans hate each other because they're just like. We're going to be happy despite all these things that are making us hate each other, and that is something that I want. Anybody who's in this audience listening that's an American today. Block that noise out. Doesn't matter if you're a Democrat, doesn't matter if you're a Republican, doesn't matter if you're Democrat, doesn't matter if you're Republican, doesn't matter if you're LGBTQ, doesn't matter if you're straight or heterosexual. Be happy, and be happy for each other and be happy for you know. Wake up happier, right. Just as to quote the potential title of your book. And that's that's. That's my word on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So if you could leave everybody with maybe one takeaway and how they can find you, you can let us know here and then in the show notes.
Speaker 1:Cleve, my new house husband.
Speaker 3:He'll take care of that for me, and producer who wants a raise already. All right, one thing we didn't talk about. That's very important seven to eight hours of sleep, please, oh yeah, oh. I am a nine to five sleeper. I love sleep. That will increase your happiness exponentially. So definitely get sleep, and that's free. You don't have to pay for more sleep. Then to find me, you can go to strongmamascom S-T-R-O-N-G-M-A-M-A-Scom and read about the Strong Mamas classes personal training, life coaching, happiness training and you can send a question book a 15-minute consult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I know we look forward to working with you more in the future too, as we kind of get out there and train people to be who they are and to be happier.
Speaker 3:Exactly, Give them permission to be their best self.
Speaker 1:Okay so, colleen, don't hang up quite yet. I know you got to go, but I'm going to just do our outro. So this has been Cleveland and Lindsay and Colleen, and thank you for listening to another episode of the Devil. You Don't Know. If you like what you've heard, please rate and review us on any platform that we're on iTunes, spotify, I think we're on a lot. I always say we're in the multiverse, baby, and hey, tell a friend or family, tell them not only about us, but tell them about strongmamascom and happiness, training and happiness, training. All right, until the next time. This is all we got. Show me love, show me love. Until the next time. Show me love, show me love, show me love. This is all we got.