Made for Mothers
16. WAIT, A DAD!? A Heart-to-Heart About Raising Kids & Running Businesses w/ Tyler Ross!
Wait, wait, wait... a DAD on the Made for MOTHERS show!? Let's goooo... Tyler Ross and I recently connected through a mutual friend and had a fun idea! He runs his podcast supporting dads, so we decided to do a podcast swap. Our goal was to discuss the various aspects of parenting and entrepreneurship from the perspectives of both mom and dad business owners... and we did just that... an hour and half of that to be exact, ha!
Tyler Ross, a husband and father of two (Irish twins), is the owner and broker at Ross Real Estate and the host of the Learning to Dad podcast. He's also involved in building a jiu-jitsu school and creating a decking company. He enjoys pursuing other interests such as health and fitness, writing, and investments. Tyler is passionate about having candid conversations with dads navigating parenthood and entrepreneurship.
In our conversation, Tyler and I covered numerous topics relevant to parents balancing work and family life. We explored the reasons behind the overused terms "working mom" and "mom guilt" compared to the less-discussed "working dad" and "dad guilt" terms. We delved into the importance of raising emotionally available, self-regulated children and navigating the unique challenges of fatherhood and entrepreneurship. We discussed the power of reverse engineering one's desired lifestyle and the importance of prioritizing self-care to prevent burnout.
Self-awareness, vulnerability, patience, and resilience are all essential traits for both raising children and making an impact through our work. Our conversation was enriching and valuable, providing insights that can leave you feeling enlightened and encouraged, regardless of the stage of life you're in with parenthood and entrepreneurship.
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Connect with Tyler on Instagram @tylerjamesrossva
Learn more about Tyler by visiting his website
Listen to Tyler’s podcast: Learning to Dad
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Hey I'm Mariah. I'm a Boy Mama, the very PROUD founder of Made for Mothers, obviously a Podcast Host, and a Marketing and Business Mentor for Moms. I offer Biz Therapy Sessions. Unlike traditional business coaching, this is a space where the whole person is honored, motherhood is celebrated, limiting beliefs are uncovered, messaging is prioritized, niches are defined, roadblocks are clearly identified, systems are taught, marketing is simplified, and the support is a month long.
1 x 90-minute session + 30 days of voxer support
Wait, wait, wait... a DAD on the Made for MOTHERS show!? Let's goooo... Tyler Ross and I recently connected through a mutual friend and had a fun idea! He runs his podcast supporting dads, so we decided to do a podcast swap. Our goal was to discuss the various aspects of parenting and entrepreneurship from the perspectives of both mom and dad business owners... and we did just that... an hour and half of that to be exact, ha!
Tyler Ross, a husband and father of two (Irish twins), is the owner and broker at Ross Real Estate and the host of the Learning to Dad podcast. He's also involved in building a jiu-jitsu school and creating a decking company. He enjoys pursuing other interests such as health and fitness, writing, and investments. Tyler is passionate about having candid conversations with dads navigating parenthood and entrepreneurship.
In our conversation, Tyler and I covered numerous topics relevant to parents balancing work and family life. We explored the reasons behind the overused terms "working mom" and "mom guilt" compared to the less-discussed "working dad" and "dad guilt" terms. We delved into the importance of raising emotionally available, self-regulated children and navigating the unique challenges of fatherhood and entrepreneurship. We discussed the power of reverse engineering one's desired lifestyle and the importance of prioritizing self-care to prevent burnout.
Self-awareness, vulnerability, patience, and resilience are all essential traits for both raising children and making an impact through our work. Our conversation was enriching and valuable, providing insights that can leave you feeling enlightened and encouraged, regardless of the stage of life you're in with parenthood and entrepreneurship.
____
Connect with Tyler on Instagram @tylerjamesrossva
Learn more about Tyler by visiting his website
Listen to Tyler’s podcast: Learning to Dad
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Hey I'm Mariah. I'm a Boy Mama, the very PROUD founder of Made for Mothers, obviously a Podcast Host, and a Marketing and Business Mentor for Moms. I offer Biz Therapy Sessions. Unlike traditional business coaching, this is a space where the whole person is honored, motherhood is celebrated, limiting beliefs are uncovered, messaging is prioritized, niches are defined, roadblocks are clearly identified, systems are taught, marketing is simplified, and the support is a month long.
1 x 90-minute session + 30 days of voxer support
Hello and welcome to the Made for Mothers podcast, your one stock shop for candid and relatable conversations about motherhood and entrepreneurship. Think of the show as your new mom friend, where we dive into all things marketing, branding, mindset money, child care and growing your business while we all navigate our roles as both CEO and mom. I'm your host, mariah Stockman, and I wear a bunch of hats I'm a boy mama, I'm serving as a marketing mentor for mothers, I'm running a six-figure marketing agency and on top of that, I'm the proud founder of the Made for Mothers community. This show is about sharing the real stories and the practical strategies from fellow mother-run businesses. So dive in, grab your headphones, reheat that coffee and let's go. Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of the Made for Mothers podcast. I am your host, mariah Stockman, marketing mentor and founder of the Made for Mothers community. I am so excited. I have a very unique guest and technically he also has a unique guest because we are both podcast hosts. This is Tyler Ross. Hi, tyler.
Speaker 2:Mariah, thank you so much for having me on. It's so cool to do what I guess we call swapcast. I've got the learning to dad with Tyler Ross, which talks to dad, entrepreneurs and parenting, so you're making space for me to have this conversation. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, tyler, like he said, he has a podcast for dads who own businesses and this, obviously, is a podcast for moms who own businesses. And so we got connected through our mutual friend, allie, which her podcast is live on our feed and she's amazing and he reached out and he was like, hey, we're kind of doing the same thing, but, for you know, you do it for moms, I do it for dads. Let's share an episode and talk about all the different facets of parenting and running businesses, which is, which is. I'll just leave it at that. So, tyler, tell me a little bit about what you do in your work life outside of, obviously, this podcast. I'm so excited to dive into this with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, Thank you. Well, good morning. Raisin Warmerton and I started a real estate brokerage in 2012. We just picked up our 13th and 14th real estate agent. I've got two staff people, so an office of 15 plus me, which is just an incredible group of people currently building a jujitsu school with two friends.
Speaker 1:That's great. I saw that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bringing that to Warmerton building a company with another friend who's a contractor, a decking company, and then why? Not yeah, why not? It's something to do. I got all this free time in addition to a little jujitsu brand that I'm working on as well. There's always something I love it. Life has so many opportunities and got the sense of urgency to chase as many of them down as possible.
Speaker 1:I love that. So you're a dad. Tell me about you. How old are your kids?
Speaker 2:I've got an eight year old and a nine year old Irish twins. The oldest is a girl and they're the coolest kids on the planet, except for your almost two year old, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:It's so funny. I always talk about this, but whenever I hear someone whose kids are like I don't know, five and seven, or seven and 10 or four, oh my gosh, they're 12 months apart. Right, is that what you said? Yeah, exactly yeah, I'm like God you're in such a different season than I am. What is that? Even like I don't even know, I joke.
Speaker 1:I feel like I still have to sneak around the house because if my toddler sees me it's like game over. I don't even know what it's like to have independence kind of energy with your kids, and I know it's not ever going to be like real independence. But Henry, my son is so into me right now. It's just mom's here, mom's here, and I love it and I definitely battle this like, oh, this is so magical. And also, at the same time, I'm like this is so intense. It's like so intense to be needed and wanted and to be like the primary preferred parent in such an intense, energetic way. You know, because he's just oh, my son is, he's 60 miles an hour. I mean, he's a 10 out of 10, like energy wise, like he's gnarly. That's all I'm going to say.
Speaker 2:Well, I bet your husband gets called mom more often than he gets called dad.
Speaker 1:I mean he's like bye dad, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the one regret I have as a man. I love being a man, I love being on the masculine side, and but the one regret that I have that I'll never understand is what it's like to be a mom. The amount of love that a child gives to their mom is I see the double edged part of it and that, like you're constantly being needed, constantly being wanted, with really never any break. But in the same breath I can't imagine what it's like to be loved that much by your kid.
Speaker 1:That's, I know it's. I think that when you're so aware of how how beautiful it is, it's like I think that that's that's a very easy door for the guilt to kind of sneak into, because you're just like, wow, this is so amazing. And then there's parts of you that are just like screaming for internally or really really needing like a break, or, you know, independent time or you know just like a long time, you know, and so you can feel and that's not, that's just like a basic human need. It's not even I don't require like a 10 day vacation by myself. I just want to go take a shower. You know like it's not not, it's not like an outrageous request, but I least battle with just like feeling so guilty too, like in those moments where he's so, so, so wanting me and I am like, oh man, I really have to go like answer an email or I really have to go take this call. I really have to like find some separation here. But that's just. I mean, that's just the guilt that's we talk about that a lot on our podcast of just like the mom guilt, I'm sure with dad guilt.
Speaker 1:You know you don't hear that a lot. You know there's so many things, that you don't hear these phrases, you know you don't hear them referred to. You know something I don't know if you have anything to say about this, but you never hear working dad. Like you just never hear that. You never hear dad guilt Like you, just like. You know. You don't see it in memes, you don't see it. It's not like, it's not like a turn of phrase that you people are accustomed to saying.
Speaker 1:Mom guilt is something that you read on, like any mom blog, any Facebook group. I'm sure you have heard it in a zillion times, but I'm positive that there's dad guilt and the other on the other side. It's like you never hear working dad, but you always hear like working mom, working mom, working mom. You know I'm literally keynote speaking at a conference called the working mom conference. But it's funny because it's like, is there a working dad conference? Because there's a lot of dads who own businesses who are also juggling your kids running around the house while you're trying to remotely work, like that's not just set, that's not just for moms, you know. So, anyways, it's like a funny little double edged.
Speaker 2:I wonder if that's a result of, like traditional gender roles over the generation of time, because women really started entering the workforce, I guess after World War II, like the dad worked, mom stayed at home with the kids, and as women entered the workforce came the mom guilt being separated from their kid throughout a lot of the day, and dads I guess either never were considered in that way or had already dealt with it.
Speaker 2:But I'm seeing, actually the last conversation I had on my podcast a couple of weeks ago was with a mental health you know, a men's mental health guy, and the topic of men's mental health as it relates to those things of loneliness and guilt is becoming more and more prevalent, which is a good thing if we can all be aware of our mental health and deal with things. Because as men, I'm 40 and I grew up in the 80s and 90s and it was more progressive than it was in the 50s, 60s, 70s, but it was still very much like rub some dirt on it. You'll be fine so. But I had the benefit of growing up with a very independent feminine mom that owns a business and I got a sister and two half sisters and a step sister. So I'm, like you know that close, you know. So I got ingratiated as much as somebody like me could be, I guess. But I think that's a key and observation of yours and is a topic that'll probably get more and more momentum.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean just in general, tyler. I think it's the fact that you have this podcast, your podcast, and you are having these conversations is like incredible to me. I think it's just so necessary, it's so needed. I'm curious to know how much like vulnerability comes out in those conversations too, because I feel like what you just reminded me of is how you know we do.
Speaker 1:I'm raising a son right, I'm very aware of wanting to raise, you know, a really emotionally capable expanse of human being. Like I want my son to be able to talk about his feelings all kids too, when all human beings too. But I feel the weight of raising a future man in this world and I feel the weight of wow, you're, like you're going to be someone's partner someday. And I know myself as a partner, I know myself as a wife and I know the things that I kind of bring into our marriage that are based in my childhood and my upbringing and my experiences. And you know, some of it is, like you know, generational trauma. Some of it is just lived experiences, patterns of behavior and learning and all these different family systems. It's like that. I do feel that heavy weight, like he's only two and I start to picture him in his like adulthood, talking about his childhood, right, like in some sort of relationship, whether it be friends or intimate, thinking like, what is he going to say? Like how, what is he going to say? How did we like damage him or ruin him? Or what is he going to be so proud of in us, you know, and anyways, I have questions here about, like you know, leaving legacies and things like that.
Speaker 1:But the legacy around business, but the legacy you know, that I really strongly, like, I'm just so intentional about, is wanting a very like well adjusted, well rounded, deeply feeling, you know, human being who can live in a world that doesn't always like respect a lot of various feelings, right, and to be like okay with that, and to be able to process and to not dwell and not to resent and to just be able to move through and, like, have challenging conversations.
Speaker 1:And I feel like I mean, I feel like I married that and my husband, and so I'm grateful that I have a partner who will also be sharing some of that burden of raising a human. But anyways, all that to say, I'm so excited that you have your podcast. I think it's such a gift for dads to be able to have these conversations that you know it sounds like, are, you know, needed and maybe not like the norm in like the day to day circles. Like I don't know what it's like to be a dad, I don't know what it's like to have friendships with other dads, I know that my mom friends are like therapists and I could not exist in the world without like mom friends to help me process, like the weight of motherhood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, there's so much that you just touched on. You know, there's the it takes a village factor. There's the communication factor, there's the teamwork factor, there's the, you know, raising a kid that you know can share all of those things and be open and emotional but also balance that with the ability to be independent and then go kick ass. You know, like, yeah, I don't know if it's. I don't know if you want to answer with you and your husband or if you want to answer based on the experiences and conversations you've had with your mom friends, but how do you perceive, like, the husband and mother role in a circumstance like that, where you're trying to build an emotionally sensitive and empathetic individual but also somebody that you know you can smack on the ass and go get out there and do it and I trust that you're going to be okay in the world?
Speaker 1:You know, I love that. I do love that question. My husband and I we're polar opposites on every, in every regard. I'm born and raised in a very progressive each town. That is just so like woo, woo, and I was telling Tyler before we got on to record I'm from Santa Cruz and I was like, just for as an example, like my hometown college mascot is like a banana slug, like I mean, that is like the least competitive, fierce pressure. I mean, if that doesn't say enough, I'm from this very like, just kicked back beach town. He's from, you know, outside DC. That is just so, go, go, go go.
Speaker 1:We're different in every regard and you know, honestly, before we had her, before we had her son, you know I would say like I'm worried that our environments that we grew up in are going to butt heads in how we parent, because everything from like our politics, everything, politics, everything is different about us. I mean we are like that. I'll date myself in the eighties, but that opposite of track song, paula Abdul, I mean I'm also 40. So there you go. I had that soonie Saying that in a talent show in fifth grade, by the way, but it's so fun to see how wrong I was in terms of that fear prehaving the baby, because my husband like will send me these reels, like he'll DM me these reels and it's all about, like parenting theory. It's all about you know ways to grow, like what you're saying, like an emotionally you know state, like not stable, but an emotionally you know I can't even think of the word.
Speaker 1:Maybe, yes, like children who are like self regulated, that's a great way to regulate.
Speaker 1:That's what it is Like we want. I want Henry to be very like regulated in a world that kind of is hard to stay regulated in. That's it. We both agree with this one type of parenting and I will say like there's a lot about gentle parenting that we also agree with and we love. But we Stand by and we have seen the direct benefits of safe risk-taking. So People when they're around my son will be like careful, you know, yeah, and I'm like no, actually he's like really good, like he's good like from a very early Age. He was Risking and trying and and climbing, you know, safely, always with us there, but we're not like Helicopter ring around his Like physical body, if that makes sense in terms of truck things and experiencing in his environment.
Speaker 1:And we've seen this confidence in our son even in an early age. We see this confidence. We saw him talk really young. So he's been talking since six months and I'm not saying that there's a direct correlation with this, but I think that there's like a confidence and an independence inside of him internally because he is allowed to just like climb and explore and and you know, kind of live in his environment to the fullest and we've done our best to create like the Safest environment in our house. We have a big property and so he's just like outside climbing trees, da, da, da. Like you know, he's just like wants to climb all over tractors and things like that. So that's definitely one thing that I will say that we very much agree on.
Speaker 1:The other thing is is We've, whenever he has like fallen down or anything like that, we've never made a big deal about him like hurting himself. It's a big deal if my son hurts himself. Okay, haters. No, we've never made a big deal. We've never been like oh my gosh, are you okay? Like you know, even if inside I'm like, oh, you're okay, you know. But we've always done this thing where we go one, two, three, and then at three it's so funny. At three He'll then start crying if like is actually hurt. But now you know, as an almost two-year-old, he'll like fall down real quick and he'll look at us and he'll go one, two, three and then we'll go mama, or he'll be like I'm okay, I'm okay, it's okay, baby's okay, I'm okay, and he'll like talk himself through and he's almost like reassuring us that he's okay, he's like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. That's what he likes to go, he goes, it's fine, it's. And so I think having like these, like these key sort of Routines I would even call them that we share, that we do things that are similar, I think has strengthened us in Parenting.
Speaker 1:Now there's things that we don't agree with at all and do very differently, and I think that that's just a Very like mom dad thing. Like I cannot hear him cry if he's trying to go to sleep, like I it is. We did we went through a sleep coach and it's sleep training. That was amazing. But my husband he's like it's okay, if you like cries for a couple minutes as he's like going to bed. He's just like trying to regulate, is just settling and I'm like Like it's like heartbreaking for me.
Speaker 1:But then I went down the rabbit holes of research and I've actually read it hits mom's biologically different, like they scanned Brains of moms and they've scanned brains of dads when baby their babies are crying. And I am not a neuroscientist but the Parts, like the fight or flight parts of the brain are like hyper triggered in a mom and they're not as triggered in a debt. So it's almost like, biologically we're designed for, like one parent to be able to withstand it and one parent. I don't even remember the question, but that's basically my husband and I in a nutshell of like Things that we do well together and then things that are very Challenging for like, if I leave the house to do anything, I will 100% be like is henry asleep? Did he fall asleep? Did he take a nap? Is he sleeping? Can you just tell me? Is he's? No, he's not yet. Okay, we, we text me the second he's sleeping. Like right, it's like I can't exist in the world if I don't know if my son has fallen asleep.
Speaker 2:So funny?
Speaker 1:I don't know like, but it's very like Anxiety for me too.
Speaker 2:So no, that resonates with me so much, mariah. In fact my wife and I had a conversation the other day. It ended up in a conversation. It was more of a we're, I guess Disagreed over what we were doing with the kids, and you know, I fall into that same category of like being a little bit more You're willing to see that the kids take great.
Speaker 2:So we were arguing and it occurred to me in the moment that maybe my wife and maybe all moms are predisposed to nurturing and taking care of your kid and and keeping them safe and being you know that always there for them. And because you have to be the second that kid is born, you have to be, and then Me, maybe all dads, maybe it's feminine and masculine, whatever it is, my job is to keep her from doing her job. My job is to Untether them from one another and it's in direct conflict with everything my wife was built to do, and so there's going to be so much strife that comes from that relationship. But we in that moment acknowledge that we were pulling on the same rope, like what we want is the very best for our kids and same direction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we're just good.
Speaker 2:And it that there's going to be a transition where those kids are out of the house and they're independent in the world and you hope that you know, not only are they, you know, good people, but producers and add to the value of humanity as a whole. Like, what else are we doing here if not just trying to improve humanity, moving forward for generations to come? And there's roles that we each play, and in our house, hers is Protect and nurture and care for, and I feel like mine is you, stop that, sarah. You, you got a letter, you got to turn our kids around, face them towards the world and go. You're going to be great.
Speaker 1:So it's, yeah, my so that's, it's similar, it is really similar. It's like my, my husband will just be like gosh, like Henry's really, it's really in a mood today and I'm like I think he's just really like feeling his feelings, babe, like you know, I think he's just he's just two in the world and he's just he can't express. You know, like I was like did you try asking him what he wants? And he's like no, I'm like I think he wants ice. Just give him an ice cube and I think your whole morning with him is going to change, you know, because it's like it's, we're still in that Like language, right, it's like like two. A couple nights ago he said to me Henry said to me stop that mom. And I was like okay, yeah, because I was like tickling him and he's like stop that mom. And I was like whoa, that was like a really correct, cool, complete sentence and it was like appropriate and it was, it was kind, you know he'll go have it, thank you, stop that. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:like creating his own boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the language, though that is like once we have more and more of that, I think the whole like tantruming and all of that might be a little bit more communication From your kid is so fun.
Speaker 1:Well, that's funny.
Speaker 1:That's something that I was thinking of when you were sharing like that's our Like, this idea of like we're both tugging on the rope going in the same direction, but we're maybe we're doing it differently like more nurturing more, I don't know like my you know my husband's like very like rough in the rough, housing and like all anyway.
Speaker 1:There's just so much right, but it's like I feel like I will be the greatest achievement of my life will be if I have adult age children and they're so excited to come home and be home and just like be with us and like feel safe with us and trust us and just Not like you know they don't need to be like our best friends because I I think there's definitely roles with you know, parents, but it's the idea of like, oh, I want to spend time with you, like I want to be with you, I want to be near you, because we've established that like really Awesome family unit that you know we all just crave to be together.
Speaker 1:That would be like success, you know, talk about like greatest success. But Okay, you own a business, so I'm just like curious about how has being a dad and running a bit like what's that like for you, because everyone who comes on my show I'm very familiar with what it's like to run a business as a mom and all the different challenges right that we face very uniquely. But I'm curious, what's it like for you to run? You know, being in a like being a parent, and sounds like you have so many different businesses and Like what systems do you use to you know, or what are you resource to be able to feel like you can Navigate those two roles?
Speaker 2:yeah, well, it's an interesting question, right, I'll start at the end. You know, I try to reverse engineer my life, and that has to start with like a vision of what that looks like. And so, on my death bed, what are the things that I'm going to think about? Am I going to think about how many houses I sold or how much money I made, you know, in my last moments on earth? And the answer that's no. It's going to be who touched me? Who did I touch? Who are the people that I cared about? How much time did I get to spend with them? And my kids, being that, are that priority, and because they are only Eight and nine once and there are only nine in ten and once in ten and eleven once, I keep. That creates a sense of urgency, or it's okay.
Speaker 2:Um, one of the best things that ever happened to my business was, uh, the first time I was able to say no to business, and that was my goal. Uh, I've always wanted to be a dad. Since I was in high school, I've got an incredible dad, an incredible mom and, um, you know, they've set the stage for me to try to elevate that. If nothing else, we want to be better parents than our parents were, and so part of that for me was building a business as fast as I could to get to the point where it could To some degree run on its own and to provide me the free time to spend with my kids. Um, I failed at that pretty miserably in the first two or three years of my kids life. I I had the wrong perspective going through that, but now you know um what do you mean?
Speaker 1:go into that?
Speaker 2:So, uh, we got the iris twins, you know, and there was a period of time where my wife was pregnant.
Speaker 1:Silence for your wife like, oh my like. They're 12 months apart, oh my god.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm. I'm gonna fill that silence with like the overdue and overdone apology. That's Like we were. We had two houses, we were getting buried by two mortgage payments. Um, she was on bed rest in the living room. Uh, we moved twice while she was on bed rest. We had a six month old puppy, eight month old kid, and she was like however pregnant she was on the bed rest and I was.
Speaker 2:I was like I've got no service here as a dad, like there's just nothing I can do. I can't breastfeed that kid. I there's only like. So I got to go work and I got to bust my ass to make as much money as possible, when the priority shouldn't have been being a dad, it shouldn't have been being a business person, it should have been being a supportive husband that was catering to the things that my wife really needed, and I was obtuse to it and I'll forever Hold that as a regret. That inspires my actions moving forward. And so now, 350 days a year, I read a kid, I read a book to one of my kids. Um, as it's a priority getting home every night by 5, 30 or 6, I coach little league baseball. I coach uh, they're jiu-jitsu class. Both of them do jiu-jitsu and you know I go to all my daughter's performances and it's because of the Intentional creation of a business that allows me the independence to go Do that at 11 o'clock or at 3 o'clock or whatever it is, because that's the priority.
Speaker 1:Did your wife work?
Speaker 2:She has on and off, uh, but we're in a fortunate position where she can stay home and she does stay home and she's excited to go back to work when the kids are out at some point. She's an elementary school teacher.
Speaker 1:Oh cool, send her away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd be happy to. It seems like a great group of moms that you uh work with. But listen to all your podcasts and, uh, I learned a lot just listen into the way to professional women and communicate and yeah, uh, thanks, yeah, it's the guess, the quality of guess we've had so far pretty.
Speaker 2:I mean, let me ask you a question, uh, the idea that we were talking about it like a dad and mom, you know, approaching parenting and kind of different ways. Um, in your experience talking with women and I know you've worked with a lot of men in the past as well have you acknowledged or observed a difference in the way that they approach their businesses?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell me about that.
Speaker 1:I mean I like just won't work with men anymore. Come for me, guys, I don't care, I let me back up. It's really I have a lot of masculine energy. I know that I also have feminine energy. I feel like I'm pretty like balanced in that sense. I've done a lot of work and I've been in a lot of spaces with people who are focused on that as just experts in that field, and I've done a lot of like internal sort of personal development around and professional development around like my strengths and weaknesses.
Speaker 1:It's funny, I do not know my enneagram and I do not know my um. What's the other one? Human design. I'm not like a professional development junkie and then I don't think you have to be junkie to wanted to know those things for sure. But it's funny because I have this friend, trisha, and she never listens to this, as she went here and she's like I am just send me your birthday and like the time you're born so I can do your human design. I'm like okay, okay, okay. And then Ali literally starts her podcast, like well, I'm in a new group for for anyone and I'm like I'm just so, not like that.
Speaker 1:But I've done work around this masculine and feminine piece, and so I know that I I can bring both and I can. I know how to, to source either wanted me. Something happened when I had a baby, though, where I was very, very aware that when I'm in meetings with men or I do a lot of um Contract work for corporate, for corporate, and my point of contact in a lot of those Contracts are men, it's like I feel like I have to put on a face or I have to show up differently. It's like it does not feel as authentic for me when, when I have meetings with moms specifically, it's like it's almost like this, like sigh of relief, and I can feel it like on both ends, the neither mom is worried if, like Our toddler like runs into the room on accident on a zoom call, or if, like you hear someone screaming in the background, or you know, I all get emails from my clients and they'll be like, oh man, my kid is so sick, like, or I can't show up on the podcast today because, man, we, I guess, had to go pick them up, his child care canceled. There's just this like. There's just this like shoulder to shoulder kind of like Thing and it's very unifying. And then on the.
Speaker 1:The result of that, like the product of our work together, I feel, is so much more, more like valuable and Tresured and better, because I feel like there's this, there's like a different buy-in, like I really, really want to see my clients succeed because I know I'm walking in those same shoes of I want to be a successful entrepreneur because I'm very purpose-driven, I'm very passionate about the work I do, but I'm also simultaneously always thinking about my baby and I'm always thinking about motherhood and I'm always wanting to be the best mom and those competing needs are very challenging to sift through on everyday. Like I have a nanny with me today outside and I can see my toddler like running through the woods and I'm thinking like gosh, does he need gloves? As I'm on this podcast with you, you know what I mean, while I'm also very engaged and very excited to be here with you. So it's exhausting, like it's just exhausting. It can be exhausting because it's just so much of so much.
Speaker 1:Now, do dads do that? Do dads that I work with Are the men that I'm in these meetings with do that? I don't know, because they don't like show up in the professional space like that, where I feel like I'm matching their energy. Does that make sense? Like I feel like I'm going to those containers and I'm matching that male energy. And I'm not talking about my kids and I'm not talking about motherhood and I'm not saying like, oh, my child cared, cancel, or man, we're really under water this week Like gosh. We all just got over being sick, like no, I'm trying to be as like buttoned up and professional and take me seriously. It's almost like I'm like trying so hard to be like respected and why, like that's, I'm totally worthless. Like you hired me, you're paying me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, isn't that funny.
Speaker 1:I mean it is and it's like my husband is in such a male-dominated I mean he's in like he works in ending school shootings and he's worked yeah, it's heavy. He's working with like very like ex law enforcement excess FBI, like meeting with like the governor of Las Vegas. You know, it's like he's in the way that his world communicates to, is like so not heart centered at all, that almost when I hear his work conversations I'm like exhausted because I'm like wow, like God, you guys have to try so hard to like be perceived a certain way. You know, like there's so much sarcasm and like I don't know, like I don't know no one can see me doing that, but I was just like just in the round, you know.
Speaker 2:It looks very manly. Yeah, it's very like. It looks very good representation.
Speaker 1:And this is so probably not gonna land on people the right way, and that's fine, whatever. That's just been my experience. I made a very intentional decision to only work with moms when I became a mom, because I just felt like being a mom is my identity and I don't want to have to change who I am anymore wherever I go. I'm a mom, I have a kid, that's my life. I also own a business, and those two things I just want to integrate as much as I can. I mean that's the whole premise of starting made for mothers is like stop trying to find things outside of motherhood to fill your cup. Start to integrate motherhood into everything and make that the norm everywhere we go, and then maybe we won't have to pretend to be something else. You know what I mean. We have to pretend to be 100%.
Speaker 2:That's part of the reason I wanted to start the podcast from the dad side was having those real conversations with men about parenthood and because it's not something that's natural.
Speaker 2:Well, most conversations professionally don't involve talking about your kids or being a parent, or even be a human, for that matter. It's more like representing your business interest in small talk along the way. So I see the pressure of that and I contend with that in my personal life too, because I haven't. I got a few really great friends and then tons and tons of acquaintances, and the great friends are those people that you can be vulnerable with. I've tried with so many of my great male friends and in fact, to relate to your husband in some way. In my jujitsu classes I've been exposed to a lot of law enforcement officers, a lot of special forces guys and like it's a very also strong manly yeah, they could be here and big, broad-shouldered energy and it's put through the challenge together. Just since starting jujitsu, the number of men that I say I love you to and that say I love you to me back has gone from five to 20.
Speaker 1:And I love that, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, Mariah, it's there, it's so there. It's just not easily tapped into. I think men have to have like an experience with you being in the foxhole and then you're metaphorically naked.
Speaker 2:And it's just like I've got nowhere else to go other than to just be raw, and it's so rare for men to be put in that position and that's I would encourage everybody to try jujitsu, because it exposes you in ways that, especially for men who tend to have bigger egos, to kind of cut through a lot of that and get to the real human inside.
Speaker 1:My husband has a bunch of siblings. He's got two brothers and one of my favorite things is he talks on the phone with his brothers a lot and one of his brothers is like a very like he's a firefighter. He's retiring soon. He's been a firefighter since he was like 19. I mean, he's been a firefighter for like 40 years in Fairfax. And then my other brother he's why he's funny guy. But my husband always goes love you, I love that, love you, love you to your brother, like, love you. Like I love that. He will never get off the phone with his brothers without saying I love you. And I don't know what it is like. It's. Obviously it's his brother, he loves them like it's super normal.
Speaker 1:But hearing it like constantly, like when he says, oh my God, I just love that you like love your brothers like that you know, and I love that, I love that he doesn't like shy away from those pieces and he, he says the same thing to like some of his best friends on the phone. He goes love you, brother. Like it's a really like special thing to sort of observe too, because you know, my best friends and I are just like God, I love you, I love you, love you, love you, love you. You know it's like so common, you know, like like if you were to say I love you. Like as for me, if I were to say I love you to like one of my like besties and they didn't say it back, I'll be like do you hate me?
Speaker 2:Like why are you beating it?
Speaker 1:Do you hate me? Like it's so common. You know, I also. I have so many questions about Jiu-Jitsu, but we won't talk about that right now. I'm like, how soon can Henry start? Like, should he start now, Like, but we'll talk about that.
Speaker 2:Wait till he's fine, wait till he's fine. Okay, okay, okay, wait till he's fine.
Speaker 1:Cause he's meant for it for sure, it's a very like physical very physical it's great.
Speaker 1:What, like? What advice then? Do you? Do people ask you for advice? Do dads ask you for if you could give advice to a dad who's like you know I'm working in corporate or I want to maybe want to start my own business, and you know like what does that look like? Because for moms, when we give advice, like I'm always like, yeah, start your business, go for it, do it Like it's different, like I want to tell them the honest truth about how hard it is to run a business while you're also in motherhood and I definitely think I'm in like the thick of motherhood you know with- oh you are Oddler and we want to have another one, so we're just it's going to get even thicker.
Speaker 1:My, I think my advice would be a lot different for moms, because it just is. But I mean, maternity leave alone is just something that's different. And we do live in a different, a changing society around paternity leave. For sure, but it is still not like the accepted norm, like you have to plan that and have like or have a great employer who like respects that, and you know all of that. I actually don't even know the laws in Virginia around that, because in California I think it's mandated now, but I don't know it's different. But what advice do you give parents who might be considering or you know dads who might be considering starting their own business?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, you know it's interesting. Over the last three or four years, especially as my business has grown, I've become the receiver of phone calls and an interquest for meetings to talk about this. And it's really cool because you know I want to be the perpetual student, but in it again it's jujitsu. You know somebody's pulling you up and at the same time you're holding someone behind you and pulling them behind you. So advice can sometimes come out as not very palatable. So I'll use conversation.
Speaker 2:I find that a lot of people already know what the right thing is to do and that the best service I can provide is to encourage them to get out of their own way and help. You know, help soothe the burdensome or toxic or the thoughts that aren't serving them in the path of something that they clearly want to do. And then it's just sharing experiences. You know, anything that helps someone see a little bit further down the road ahead and prepare for it, because we all have comparable obstacles and checkpoints that we ultimately hit. But it's just observations like hey, you know you're gonna work 80 hours for yourself, so you don't have to work 40 for somebody else. Along the way you're gonna hit an obstacle, but don't think of it as an obstacle.
Speaker 2:Somebody recently told me, think of it as a checkpoint, self-assessment time. Is this going the way I want? It's supposed to be hard. Good, let's attack the hard part and you get through the hard part and it's easy for a while and then it gets hard again, and so I think it's just setting some, it's informing somebody of what sort of expectations they could have. That's probably the thing that the advice, if you want to call it that, that I give most often. How about yourself? I know you're.
Speaker 2:That's like so different I'm like a little child care, little play.
Speaker 1:I'm like, what's your child care, little play, what's your? What are you outsourcing? Like, what are you charging? You know, like, do you have a good CPA? You know, like I. Also, you know, what you said about giving encouragement versus giving advice is very true.
Speaker 1:I think that the fear mechanisms are the same. Like it's this fear of not enough. This is fear of oh, no, one's gonna want what I need, right? And it's like, well, unless you're an elephant trainer, everyone's gonna want what you need because you have this idea and it's probably pretty calm. Like you know, something we hear a lot is like, oh, I can't be a graphic designer because there's a hundred thousand graphic designers. Like, who's gonna hire me? It's like, well, there's a hundred thousand graphic designers, there's a Starbucks in every corner. Like, come on, there's a need, you know.
Speaker 1:But for moms specifically, I think it's unique and interesting because every single aged child is going to be a different season of parenthood and business. My business has to look a certain way right now because my son is not in daycare. I want him home with us. I mentioned a little bit earlier that my husband works in ending school shootings, so we have a very unique perspective around our comfortability level of putting Henry into, like you know, public school and daycare and things like. There's a risk assessment there that my husband's gonna have to sort of process and I'm gonna have to support him in processing is our like comfortability level when we get to it. He would prefer us just to homeschool completely all the way through and I like loved public school Like we just have. He was homeschooled, I was not, you know anyways, just various things.
Speaker 2:I have the same conversation with my wife, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it looks different with homeschooling now there's so many cohorts and things and there's different alternate things, but the idea of he's home we have to source childcare in order for me to work, which is interesting, right, there's still that dynamic of like, if I want to run my business, I have to have childcare, because my husband has a more traditional job where he works for an employer and he travels a lot for business and it's very spur of the moment and, like he just told me today, he might be gone for like eight days and it's like okay, and then the whole world goes into a tizzy in my mind because I have to do so much coordinating. So I talk to moms a lot about systems to be able to run a business. That isn't, as that may look, different than someone who doesn't have kids. I also talk a lot about if you are following like experts online and you're taking their advice. I would, you know, confirm that they have children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right 100%.
Speaker 1:So it works for them in their day to day. And like I just had no idea how much free time I had and how much time. I didn't understand our relationship with time until we became parents and how much time we trade for things. You know, that's what I'm always focusing on is like I'm trading time to do this. I'm training time away from Henry. I'm training time away from my own self care. I'm training time, you know, with my husband to grow a business, and so I think the kind of, I guess, advice suggestions I would have is like childcare, whether that be like you know if your kids are in school at that age. You know what happens after school. Like make sure you're not doing anything in the evening. You know setting yourself up to not add more and more of that. Like mom guilt right Around balance and time.
Speaker 1:I say find a village quick, because my mom friends who don't have businesses are fantastic. I can love them excuse me language, this is now an explicit episode. I love them. They can't relate to having a business and so that's hard, and also I'm like home all the time running a business. So it's confusing because it's like am I staying at home, mom? Am I working Like I don't know, it's like a different thing.
Speaker 1:But my friends who own businesses, who don't have kids, I also can't relate to. Like I don't know what it's like to be able to just go to like 10 conferences in a year and that looks so great. I wanna go to LA, I wanna go to that conference, I wanna go, you know, stay in that hotel in Nashville with your 10 friends. Like I have a kid, like I don't have that level of flexibility today. So I think finding mom friends who own businesses AKA made for mothers, hello but like finding that support group of people who are in a similar season and who have similar competing needs, means so much. I think it just means so much and I think that you are more likely to express and get vulnerable around the type of success you wanna have and not feel like ashamed, like I'm not ashamed that I wanna like have like a multimillion dollar business, like that doesn't make me a bad mom, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kind of circling back to advice for people and with you talking about seasons of parenthood and the season your kid is in. Something I would suggest to anyone that's getting into business is just identifying that your business will also have seasons and, coming right out of the gate you're going to be super motivated, highly motivated to go and kick butt, and that motivation only lasts for so long. So you have to really lean on your discipline and for you it sounded like systems and protocols and things like that, because it needs to be sustainable. You don't want to get burned out at least not often and if you do get burned out, you want to have a system or a set of disciplined actions you can take to keep it sustainable. So for me my business is peak.
Speaker 2:Earning years are going to be after my kids are older. Because what I'm doing now is sustainable, I'll keep doing that and then, when the priority isn't when kids anymore, then the priority will be my business. I have the flexibility to do that now and not everybody else does. But just that reverse engineering again of what's it look like in five years, 10 years, 15 years and integrating that with what your home life looks like too.
Speaker 1:It is like the most common conversation around burnout too, and what I heard you just say is you can't just rely on the adrenaline of launching, because the adrenaline in the beginning, whenever you're launching anything, it's real. It's true, dopamine is a real thing, it feels good. It feels good. I'm a perpetual launcher, I love to launch. And then I have to get into that maintenance stage and that can be kind of hard for me because it's just so monotonous. But if I can be deeply rooted into what I'm passionate, if it's aligned, the burnout tends to not creep in as much. But I think for moms and it's like peak burnout too, just because of the ability or the lack of ability around self-care and self-regulation and burning too much of the candle at both ends. So yeah, the systems are huge and I love what you said about discipline, because I also know for sure when you're a creative entrepreneur, you want more.
Speaker 1:I want to do the podcast, I want to do the course, I want to launch this, I want to add this, I want to go speak here. I have to reel it in and be like, okay, but does that all have to happen at once? Does it all have to happen this year? What does that look like if it happens in two years? And just getting really realistic too about intentional goal setting and looking at the ROI at the end of all of that, because, like I said earlier, something's going to have to give to be able to be in that and to build and to. So I love what you just said about the discipline, because that's not something that naturally comes to me, and I'm sure you're Wait, jiu-jitsu, right? Yeah, obviously just thinking something else. What's the other one?
Speaker 2:There's something. There's lots of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was just thinking something else, but I'm sure that there's such a connection. I'm positive there, right, how your jiu-jitsu practice helps your business and then how parenting helps your jiu-jitsu and how parenting helps your business. I mean it's also like intertwined right. But I do love what you said about discipline and how to have practices around that.
Speaker 2:Do you have any practices that kind of get you through those? I mean, moms never get a break. That Nyquil commercial of like moms taking a day off. You just can't do it in the way that dads tend to have more flexibility on average with respect to that. So, like that level of always mom and business person, what are things that you do to get you through the burnout or the times you might feel down about it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean I get very depleted For sure. I struggle with fatigue. I'm two years out postpartum and there's a lot of research around hormones taking two full years to balance. I have a good grip on rest. I think that that's something that I feel confident in my ability to. My husband does the morning routine so I can start a slower morning and that has really shifted how I approach the day. I don't schedule any meetings, like before certain hours. I have really time blocked my schedule around when I have coaching calls versus when I have podcast interviews.
Speaker 1:I know energetically how I feel during certain periods of the month and that's very feminine, based around our cycles, but I know how much I need to be offline and not client facing. So I know how much. I know sort of my limits around how many Zoom calls I can have on my schedule. I know how I feel energetically Even just looking at my calendar. I'm very good at looking at my calendar and seeing how my body responds to how much I have on my calendar. I know that I need to make shifts and changes. I have zero guilt around moving appointments and moving things and just saying, listen, I need to free up space. I overcommitted. I just feel I can't record today I would have felt flaky or something like this negative response to that, but I feel like it's self-preservation at this point.
Speaker 1:And then I mean we live on two acres. We're very fortunate I have my properties like a campground, so I think just being deeply connected to being outside and in nature and in water and in the trees and in the dirt and in the garden I talk about that a lot here too, but just I'm from California so I have a very, very intimate relationship with nature and being outside. And it was a huge shift for me to move to Northern Virginia where, just weather permitting, we do have a much more indoor experience here, where when you're in a group on the beach in the Bay Area, where you're outside 360, maybe we get rain. Well, we have fires, but maybe we get rain and even if that's not a big deal I don't think I've ever owned an umbrella in my life and here it's like, oh my gosh, I don't know, like I said, like a torrential flood two days ago, but yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think just the pace of which I schedule is something I'm very particular about, and then making sure I have time with my family or with myself, that's connected to being outside and like real natural elements, because my life can be very like digital and like, yeah, of course I want to see my friends more. Of course I want to work out more. Of course I want to go to the farmer's market. Of course I want to go on vacation with my family, like I think I just am aware that I can't have it all right now and I'm okay with that. Like I can't talk to like every single one of my best friends in California for many hours a day, every day. Like I can't go out to lunch multiple times a week with girlfriends or people I really love, like it's just I'm not in that season. So it's either like my son myself, my business, my husband or God forbid laundry Like now. So you know. So something's going to give at all times and I think just creating more space has been a game changer for me.
Speaker 2:Once you get a lot of momentum going, it's really easy to get ahead of yourself and you have to have some sort of practice to slow it down because your body and your mind will ultimately tell you what to do. But you have to be in a position to hear it and to listen to it and take a beat long enough to prioritize and reprioritize and acknowledge that life gets out of balance. But it's really counterbalance, you know. Sometimes it's too heavily weighted towards work, sometimes you got to acknowledge it's heavily weighted toward the family and your work suffers as a result. So it's just finding that space that allows you to deliberately and intentionally figure out what's important right now and then make up for the other thing later. So what are the things that you or your friends or clients have done that are practices of that and that sounds a lot like centered in nature and taking that time to ground.
Speaker 1:I think you know well, for me it's like it's literally like moving my body outside, like for sure that's a huge one, but it's also the quality of the work I'm doing. I really want to do work that's energizing and doesn't feel energetically draining. Yes, there are a lot of mundane admin associated tasks that are energetically draining. I'm not going to get away from, like answering my email. I do not like writing emails. It's like one of my least favorite things. The entire time I was writing freaking emails. I don't like a lot of meetings. Just in general, I don't like I don't even take sales calls anymore. I just said this at our Meet for Mothers Meetup on Monday. I have completely eliminated sales calls. So if you want to work with me and you want to work within, like marketing, mentorship or biz I call it biz therapy. But if you want to work with me one-on-one like we can voice memo back and forth in Instagram if you want or we can we can send a couple emails back and forth. But I used to spend so much time on sales calls, like when I really did an audit of how many sales calls I had a very high conversion rate, so for sure it was worth it, but the time that I gave to that was just wild. I mean, also, I recognize how I feel when I get off of those calls. I am completely drained, like completely drained, and I have to give so much of myself in that space that I made the conscious decision to just eliminate even from my calendar. Like you can't book a virtual coffee with me or 30 minute clarity call, because they were never 30 minutes, that always be like 45 minutes an hour. And then it's a lot of me giving away for free, which is totally fine in a different scene of life, but I just don't have that capacity right now. And because of that I think the quality of my clients are better, because I don't. They don't need a lot of me to sell them, they just have been watching or listening or seeing. Or it's a really solid referral that those leads that come now they're already primed, they already know they want to work with me. So, you know, does that make sense? So that's been a huge shift. I know that's not quite what you asked, but I think making sure the quality of the work I'm doing is different, you know, making sure that my work is more aligned now makes it when I am working, it feels different. So how I need to sort of recoup or recover from work isn't the same as it used to be.
Speaker 1:Because I was such like a glorified workaholic before having Henry, I mean I was just. I mean, all I wanted to do was work. All I wanted was more and more and more. All I wanted to do was build. I mean, I was so hungry for sure, I am now too but it's just totally different. I have a totally different mindset of like, oh, it's all just going to build, it's all going to be great, it's all going to be, it's all going to work out. Because what I'm building with Made for Mothers, is so powerful that it's and it's so based on the women in it. It's so not based on me, it's based on the women who show up and, like, pour into that community that I'm just sort of like I just want to be a good shepherd of it. I just want to just hold it really intentionally.
Speaker 2:I think you've been through the school of hard knocks and kind of aligned with your niche and aligned with the things that provide you the most positive and enabling energy. It takes a level of self-awareness to do that. And if you want to go back to advice again, delegating getting rid of those things that drain you and suck you dry and Someone can respond to my emails for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know something like that. I mean like it wouldn't serve you to spend an hour or two or three or five trying to figure out how to edit this podcast down. You know, you could get YouTube certified on how to do it. You could go change the oil in your car. You could clean your gutters out.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I love my podcast manager. That's right, emily, yeah, and so, like you, love her.
Speaker 2:She does a good job, which allows you to do the things that you're better at, and I think a good piece of advice for people is to, as soon as they can, throw off the things that they're not good at and the things that they don't like, because it'll put them in a position to do the things they are good at and that they do like, and that'll not only help you have a happier day and be there for your for kids at a higher level and for your spouse at a higher level and your friends at a higher level, but for your business, because you're not dragging it down with your energy or poor performance on the things that you just don't suit you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or like muscling through it. You know, I think we all. It's like I don't want to do that anymore and I want to just like muscle through getting things produced. It's like I want to know that I'm growing something. You know we talk about legacy a lot on this show around like the kind of legacy we want to. We want to leave and we talked about that earlier on but I don't want to leave a legacy of like a burned out, overworked, you know hustling mall, like I want to leave a legacy of impact. That's what I'm. You know how, how did the work I do impact the world? I have a publicist, katie Reese, who's wonderful.
Speaker 1:We were in a conversation and it got really vulnerable and she was just like okay, okay, deepest level, like what's something that you would want to move the needle on that you are not even working. If there was no like rules and you could just go and get it done and you could move the needle on something and you would, you would leave that as your legacy. I was like I cannot explain to you how unfair and unjust it is that I cannot write off my in-home childcare as a business writer Like we're right outside of JCC. I want to go to Capitol Hill and I want to be like nannies are a business expense Just because I'm not going to a childcare center, which that write-off is not very much. I spend so much of my net profit right On having a nanny so I can work, but she's not an employee in my business so I can't write her off as a business expense.
Speaker 2:I wonder if you can make her an employee of your business or contractor.
Speaker 1:Of course of course, but guess what that's putting me in making? The integrity of that decision is now put onto me instead of the system just understanding that moms who have small children need childcare and that should be a no brainer. How come I can write off my graphic designer? How come I can't run my business without a website? But maybe I could. I absolutely cannot run my business without childcare, like 100%, like there's no way I could be on this podcast right now if my nanny wasn't here with my son.
Speaker 2:And the contribution you're making to people doing that. I mean it's so important. It's important to the people you work with, to you, your producer in the world, and to disincentivize people from adding to the world is a bad thing.
Speaker 1:Well, it's also like it's such a archaic notion that all families put their kids into like childcare centers at a certain age and then that is considered. You get a tax credit as a family with that. So, anyways, what you had said was why don't you hire as an employee? Right, that's true, right, and any good business owner would have that same thought. And that's the same thought I have, and I talked to my CPA about that and it's like well, you just have to hire as a personal assistant and did it.
Speaker 1:It's like, but in my mind, I'm like, but she's not my personal assistant, she's not an employee in my business. So now I have to make that conscious decision to like shift around my integrity around, like stretching the truth to the government, which you know, whatever, it's just one of these things where it's like that piece around like legacy. Right, it's like I would want that to be changed, like that's what I would like to be doing, like I would like to leave that impact of like shifting systems on that level, so that way it's more economically viable for moms to own businesses because they're not having to choose between paying childcare and, you know, getting a new website or paying childcare and attending a conference or paying childcare and blah, blah blah, Because I get those messages all the time Like, oh, I can't invest that into my business right now, because our childcare expenses are just astronomical.
Speaker 2:Isn't it funny, the conflict we can have in our head, because I suspect you started your business because you want to be outside the box and you want to disrupt the system within which you're working to make it better and leave an impact in that way, and at the same time, we hold it in a different way, thinking about another system that's trying to exert control over us as opposed to working within it, but the desire to fuck it. You know, I completely get that.
Speaker 1:Totally so funny. It's like we want all this like flexibility and freedom, and then we're also like so change a certain things For sure. Well, Tyler, I have like appreciated this conversation so much. What is the? What do you want to leave people with? What do you want people to know most? Where do you want them to follow you? What do you want them to listen to? What do you want them to know about dads? Like, what's the one thing that you want them to walk away with after a list, If you're still listening.
Speaker 2:Well, now I'll have a couple of little rapid fires for you as well, but let's see. Sorry, I'm distracted, so I don't want to lose the questions I want to ask you, but let's see if I could leave a message for anybody listening with respect to, I guess, dads and parents is there's going to be hard times. Give one another the benefit of the doubt that you want the same thing. When someone says something, take it in the best way, not the worst way. Make sure the people around you are supportive and don't take away from you they say that you are, you know, the collection of the five closest people to you. Be thoughtful about who those people are. Love with all of your heart. Tell people that you love, that you love them, and treat people the way that you want to be treated.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that.
Speaker 2:I'll ask you a couple of little rapid fire questions. Do you think a child can love their parent as much as a parent can love their child? No, no, I've never heard anyone argue otherwise.
Speaker 1:No, in a way, I had no idea until my son was born. I was like oh, I should call my parents.
Speaker 2:Right, it builds some empathy for your parents, doesn't it?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, yeah, I was like whoa, like no, but I think that the moment that they become a parent, then the love they have, the minute Henry becomes a dad, I think his love for his dad and for me will, like transform deeper. It's just that we have to wait X amount of years for him to.
Speaker 2:One day, henry's going to realize that you're human. You know that you're full of inadequacies and weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and that'll be an interesting time as a parent when your kid goes oh my God, the mom and dad are human.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I remember that distinctly in my own parents, but I also think it's by nature, by design, of if he were to have the type of like mama bear, fierce, protective freaking, I would jump in front of a car for you love. That is just heartbreakingly beautiful and blinding. That love is so intense to have for him. He would never leave us. He would never want to go to college. If he does that, he probably wants to be like a farmer, like our family, but it's like you know he would never want to go study abroad or kind of be reckless which I hope he is at some point too, you know and expand his wings. However those cliches are Like, I think, because I never want to leave him. So it's like if he were to love me like I love, he'll never even just live in this house together until one of us dies.
Speaker 1:The best thing for him is in direct conflict to what you want 100% every day and you see it just a little bit more every day as an independent.
Speaker 2:Who's one of your favorite fictional moms? Like a book or TV show movie.
Speaker 1:Oh, I do.
Speaker 2:I love your head.
Speaker 1:Favorite moms. You know what it's going to sound. I am a this two moms come up. Ok, listen, I love Lorelai Gilmore Like I love the Gilmore girls, like I think I've always like loved how close and fun and funky but safe and communicative Rory and Lorelai relationship is like and it's unique because she was a teenage mom on the Gilmore girls but so it's different. But I don't know if you're out of the season, but do you guys ever watch Bluey?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we were out of the season, but we watched a lot of Bluey.
Speaker 1:Listen.
Speaker 2:In fact, that's the regular dance in our kitchen.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like that parenting style, whatever that is in those mom, that mom and dad, like I love Bluey's mom, like I love her, like soft, nurturing but fun, but kind of strict, but like you know and I love, there's this episode where they go to the pool, but I don't know if you know this episode. But they go to the pool and she goes, do you have the pool bag? And dad goes no, I know it too well. Dad goes, no, what pool bag? Yeah, it goes like what pool bag. And then they go to the pool and they don't have the pool bag and the pool bag has, like the snacks.
Speaker 2:Where's my goggles? Where's my?
Speaker 1:goggles, that's how like. And so now their pool day is literally ruined because they don't have all the things that keep them either safe, like fed to have fun. You know and love this, and then the mom ends up coming with the pool bag. You know that whole thing, but anyways, but I do love, I love Bluey's parents, like I love. I love their just creative curiosity in their house. And I know it's a stupid cartoon, I know it's not always, I'm always like do you guys work?
Speaker 2:I'm so. I'm so envious of Bluey's dad, like he's a stay at home dad. If we could make it work out, be a stay at home dad in a second and I I you know apply the same thing that I applied to business at home, and it would be so much fun. But the pressure that that moms are under is something that I'm completely blind to, so maybe I'd be terrible at it. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I mean, what do you need it to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you figure it out, put your head down, barrel through. So what? What are some characteristics, either innate or that you could cultivate, that makes a really great mom and, if you want to, also a great entrepreneur, like things that every mom has to have to be a great.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'll just speak from my own experience of having certain characteristics in my own family that maybe didn't feel great, but I think I always want to apologize to Henry. I want to show him when I'm sorry and when I've made a mistake and when I'm asking for forgiveness. It could be something as simple as like oh my gosh, I took your water bottle for me too fast, or we can't do what you want to do, or I bumped into you. I'm always really intentional about getting down on his level and saying like oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to take your string cheese from you, you weren't done. Do you want it back? What can we do? I give him a big hug and I want him to know that I'm not above his feelings or above the respect he deserves.
Speaker 1:Even at such a young age, being able to say that I'm sorry openly and freely and without any needing any response back is a beautiful trait that I've learned through my husband, who's just very, very well versed at that. I'm saying I'm sorry, just like apologize. Sure, you're starting a process of conflict resolution or amending or not having to walk away. Walk around, no one has to. No one in our house has to walk around in any hurt ever.
Speaker 2:We just don't that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:We don't have to walk around in a hurt. It's so opposite of what I grew up with and it's so opposite of this idea of like ego and self-awareness I want to be. I think every mom is a good mom because they're doing it first and foremost it. I don't speak for all moms, but for me as a mom. I want to be able to show Henry that being vulnerable is really strong and really beautiful. I want to be self-aware enough so that I can see how my behavior impacts the rest of the world and, more importantly, my family unit.
Speaker 1:I just don't want to have him grow up faster than he needs to. I want to shield him and not shelter him, but I want to shield him from things If that means like we're really battling, like not giving him a phone at a certain age, or if that means we're really battling him not being very protective around types of conversations we have around him. I want him to be in his childhood for as long as possible. That's what I really, really want, and I see the kids today Grow up so fast. They just want, they want to be.
Speaker 1:I am around 10 year olds, a lot in our family and I'm like gosh, it's just where did your childhood? Why are you, why do you know so much about so much like in the world? The world, it's just, it's so heavy out there right now. I just want him to be in the woods and imaginative and carefree, because once that bubble pops, it's like you can't, there's no going back in. I'm sure you're right in that sweet spot of that age bracket where that gets really tricky. Youtube they all want to be close to YouTube and stuff and it's just like yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like our parents. We have no idea what the world was like when they were our age and we have no idea what it's like for a two year old growing up in 2024,. An 89 year old like I can't relate to the world at all. It's just a different planet. So, yeah, and definitely not understanding it makes me want to protect them from it also and make them as resilient as they can possibly be for when I can't do it anymore.
Speaker 1:What about you? What do you think are the qualities for yourself as a dad?
Speaker 2:I think, honesty, and that only comes with vulnerability, willingness to be wrong, willingness to apologize and communicating. We try to. We'll often argue in front of our kids and intentionally.
Speaker 1:My husband has feelings about that too like seeing conflict, seeing resolution.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and sometimes we'll get into it and one of us will go. I'm not in a very good place to have this conversation. I need to let some. It would be bad and disadvantageous to both of us if we continue this conversation right now. Give me five minutes. Let's start over again and come from a better place with this Patience, resilience, because you have to be resilient because you're partnering with someone that's your kid and your spouse. You have to be resilient because you're going to have hard conversations and you can't shy away from them. And you have to be forgiving. If you can forgive yourself and not hold on to hate or resentment grudges, life will be happier.
Speaker 1:I love that. So work in progress can't be at all all at once Just sort of just getting rid of the measuring stick too. At times he feels good Just being like you know what, we did the best we could today and tomorrow we'll try again and we did the best we did today. I always say to Henry I said you're the best of everything and tomorrow you're going to be even better, and that's. I always tell him that. And then he goes so happy to see you, mama. I love that. Okay, I know it's like when I put it in a venue I was like I'm so happy to see you, so happy.
Speaker 2:Is that not the best? The unsolicited hugs, the unsolicited love.
Speaker 1:I know, I know, I know. It's just that's why I'm like I love you more, Henry, than you'll ever love me. I know it.
Speaker 2:You won't understand, until you have kids, how much I love you.
Speaker 1:I know it.
Speaker 2:I got yeah, what's a if? Money, time, space, no object. What gift would you give to every mom on the planet? It could be a thing, it could be an experience, it could be a feeling, just a gift that you could bestow upon every mother.
Speaker 1:I would just say there's so. I mean there's so many things, but I think what comes up so often for me is like, yes, we're all tired. Like, yes, we all want self care. There's so much like. There's so much competing demands constantly. But I would want, I would want every mom to like have real community, like real friendships, like real mom friends, like real deep, meaningful, honest connection, so that they don't feel we don't feel that we're ever on that island ever again.
Speaker 1:Like that, I think, was such an isolating challenge during postpartum. It's an isolating challenge when you're an entrepreneur and it's an isolating challenge when you're in different seasons of motherhood than your friends. You know, like I'm, I'm nap trapped by a nap schedule. My friends who have school-aged kids can go do things at 11 am and their kids are in school. You know I'm still on that. Oh, we got to go, we got to get them home by 6.30, 7, you know, because we're on this like sleep schedule, you know. So I think, sure, like my response, you know I want to say something like that every mom knows they're doing a great job, like for sure, for sure. But I think at the root of that is knowing you're doing a great job, because you have people in your life who are constantly fucking telling you that you're doing a good job. Like and that's what my mom friends tell me like I will never forget when Henry was six months old and he fell off our bed because he was, you know, just crawling.
Speaker 1:It happens If you're a new mom, it's going to happen, I don't know how many it's. The health of bed it's horrifying. I mean, it was a horrifying moment. My husband was traveling, he was out of town, of course, and I texted my friend Lauren who's like my best friend here and our kids are best friends and she didn't even tell me. Like, she didn't say like it's okay, you're okay, he's okay. The first thing she said to me was like oh God, I'll never forget when Georgia fell out of the cart, like fell out of the shopping cart, like she went straight into.
Speaker 1:I'm the exact same thing and you know, it wasn't even like she wasn't trying to like make it okay for me. It was just she was just making me feel like how not alone I am. So he was fine and he landed on a pillow but it's not the first thing he's ever fallen off since. But it's one of those things where, yeah, I want every mom to feel like they're a good mom and the way that they're going to feel that is because they have a circle of, like hard core, dedicated people in their life constantly telling them what a good mom they are, even when they feel like a bad mom. You know, bad mom's club, like did the best I could, my kid did not eat his chicken nuggets. You know. Like, let alone the broccoli. Like I don't know, he just doesn't want to eat. You know, but I think, having the people around them, I wish every mom had that. Like I wish every single mom had had the. Whatever village they need, whatever that is to them.
Speaker 2:That's my. I've asked a lot of people that question. That's my favorite answer.
Speaker 1:Oh, cool, yeah. How would you answer? What do you want every dad to have?
Speaker 2:You just gave my favorite answer, so I'll piggyback onto that and, and you know, take away any sense of loneliness that fathers might have and that you know the burden's not all yours and that sense that you can. It's okay to connect with other men, it's okay to connect with other dads, it's okay to be, to share and be vulnerable, and to do that you may have to dissolve your ego. So maybe you know community and and the dissolution of whatever that is, if it's your ego that prevents you from being open and sharing more and and allowing help. Because as a dad and a husband and a man, I'd feel like I got it, you know, on the rock, on the structure for everybody else to stand on, and, as much as I enjoy it and relish in that, it's, it's heavy load to bear, but I put it on myself and it doesn't have to be that way. Your spouse is there to be supportive of your family and friends and you just, you know, give it back to them too.
Speaker 1:I love that. It's like so powerful too, and I think there's a lot of guilt. My husband always feels guilty. Like he's going to go see a friend tonight. I'm so excited for him, you know. Like, oh yeah, like, do that? Can you not leave before bedtime?
Speaker 2:I have that same feeling. I have that same feeling.
Speaker 1:I just feel like it's so, it's like we all need that. We all need that, that friend time, that community time that's not servicing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we need other people Like it's perfect. It's perfect as a husband and wife can be together. You know they can't fill each other's cups fully, so there have to be other influence and other people to check those boxes that are. You know, that help make you feel whole, and you need to go see your group, pinnasea's group. Maybe it's just time, but yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you come back so much better and filled and it's fun too, cause it's like you have things to share and you have other experiences and it's like I get like excited, you know, when he leaves and I leave, and we get to like see each other again. Tyler, this was such an enriching conversation. I appreciate your time. I love that you had this idea to do this. If our listeners are even still listening, I'm so glad you're here for this. Where can everyone? I mean, I met Meade for Mothers. I'm at Mariah Stockman on Instagram, mariahstockmancom. If you're a Loudoun County mom, we have a Meade for Mothers Loudoun County moms and business Facebook group. That's really, really cool and really supportive. And that's all about me. What about you? Where can people find you Like? Where can they listen to your podcast?
Speaker 2:You know learning to dad with Tyler Ross is on Spotify. If you want to find me on Instagram, you can go into Mariah's followers and look up Tyler James Ross. Tyler James Ross, va is me and you know I want everyone if we're going to post this on learning to dad as well to follow Mariah. It's been just so much fun to talk to you and meet you for the first time. It doesn't feel like we've met for the first time.
Speaker 1:I know I love that.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think that our listeners didn't get to hear or maybe they will hear a little bit of Henry being on this podcast with us for a little bit.
Speaker 2:That would be great. Yeah, it was my kids' review.
Speaker 1:There's an awkward gap in the editing. It's because my toddler came into the room and was not happy to leave. But well, thank you so much for tuning in to the Meade for Mothers podcast. How do you sign off yours?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks for turning into the learning to dad podcast. How about that?
Speaker 1:Something that we said that might be valuable will be in the show notes, and we can't wait to talk to you all soon, and I hope this conversation is encouraging and enlightening and helps you, you know, go out there and create the village that we also desperately need. So thank you again, tyler, which is in love. Yay, you just finished another episode of the Meade for Mothers podcast. As always, you can find more details about today's show in the show notes and be sure to give us a review. Subscribe so you don't miss a chance to grow your biz from fellow moms. Are you wanting more one-on-one support, or are you looking to learn how to market your business in a way so you can spend more time with your family and less time stressing about what to do next? Then follow along on Instagram at mariahsdauphin, or book a one-on-one biz therapy session with yours truly, and let's find that work mom-ahood harmony we all deserve. Until next time. This is your host, mariah Stockman, and thank you so much for tuning in.