Made for Mothers
23. Fertility Challenges, A Miracle Baby, & Emotional Resilience w/ Health + Performance Coach Daffney Allwein
Talk about one strong Mama. I am really excited for you to hear Daffney Allwein's story!
Daffney is a seasoned health and performance coach, consultant, and a mother to a two-year-old. With a lifelong passion for athletics and a competitive spirit, she has carved her path in the business world and isn’t afraid to embrace challenges. With over 20 years in the health and fitness industry, Daffney is dedicated to crafting personalized wellness solutions for her clients to achieve their unique health, fitness, and overall wellness goals.
Daffney's journey to motherhood was far from easy. In today's episode, she courageously shares her experience navigating IVF and unexplained fertility challenges. Daffney discusses the numerous IVF cycles she and her husband went through, the unexpected pregnancy that emerged several years later and the profound physical and emotional impact it had on every aspect of her life. In addition, Daffney shares the surprising role that yoga played in her journey to Motherhood.
Motherhood is a deeply transformative journey, yet it can also be isolating and lonely. Daffney emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories and experiences with our communities so others don't feel so alone on their own journey. Her story is both
heartbreaking and uplifting, and her openness is truly inspiring. Get ready to
be moved by her wisdom and vulnerability!
____
Connect with Daffney on Instagram @lifthearted
Learn more about Daffney by visiting her website: https://liftprowellness.com/
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Talk about one strong Mama. I am really excited for you to hear Daffney Allwein's story!
Daffney is a seasoned health and performance coach, consultant, and a mother to a two-year-old. With a lifelong passion for athletics and a competitive spirit, she has carved her path in the business world and isn’t afraid to embrace challenges. With over 20 years in the health and fitness industry, Daffney is dedicated to crafting personalized wellness solutions for her clients to achieve their unique health, fitness, and overall wellness goals.
Daffney's journey to motherhood was far from easy. In today's episode, she courageously shares her experience navigating IVF and unexplained fertility challenges. Daffney discusses the numerous IVF cycles she and her husband went through, the unexpected pregnancy that emerged several years later and the profound physical and emotional impact it had on every aspect of her life. In addition, Daffney shares the surprising role that yoga played in her journey to Motherhood.
Motherhood is a deeply transformative journey, yet it can also be isolating and lonely. Daffney emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories and experiences with our communities so others don't feel so alone on their own journey. Her story is both
heartbreaking and uplifting, and her openness is truly inspiring. Get ready to
be moved by her wisdom and vulnerability!
____
Connect with Daffney on Instagram @lifthearted
Learn more about Daffney by visiting her website: https://liftprowellness.com/
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Hello and welcome to the Made for Mothers podcast, your one-stop shop for candid and relatable conversations about motherhood and entrepreneurship. Think of the show as your new mom friend, where we dive into all things marketing, branding, mindset, money, childcare and growing your business while we all navigate our roles as both CEO and mom. I'm your host, mariah Stockman, and I wear a bunch of hats. I'm a and mom. I'm your host, mariah Stockman, and I wear a bunch of hats. I'm a boy mama. I'm serving as a marketing mentor for mothers, I'm running a six-figure marketing agency and, on top of that, I'm the proud founder of the Made for Mothers community. This show is about sharing the real stories and the practical strategies from fellow mother-run businesses. So dive in, grab your headphones, reheat that coffee and let's go.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, hello and welcome to another episode of the Made for Mothers podcast. I am Marais Tauchman, your host. I am a boy mama. I'm a marketing and business mentor for moms who run businesses and the proud founder of the Made for Mothers community, and I am so excited. I have Daphne Alwine here and she is a health and performance coach.
Speaker 1:But I want to share just a little story about Daphne before we go in. Is that, okay, daphne, please? Yeah, so Daphne actually has like a funny part of my own story of like maternity leave and her and I have connected about this in real life just recently, right, I mean just at this last what was it? Not last month, but the month before, right, january. Yeah, yeah, in January we finally met in person and I was able to like come clean to her about this experience I had with her, which is so funny because in my mind it was so heightened and maybe in hers she was just like, oh, whatever. But basically, daphne was one of the first like potential clients that reached out to me that I set up a meeting with to talk to about. She wanted to do some like marketing work with me and I either was still on maternity leave or I was like freshly, freshly off, but I didn't realize at the time like I still needed to be on maternity leave. So, anyways, I took this call and I was so fired up because I was so excited about everything she was doing and I was like, yes, yes, yes, like I will get you a proposal I can't wait to work with doing. And I was like, yes, yes, yes, like I will get you a proposal. I can't wait to work with you.
Speaker 1:And then I like ghosted her and it's so funny to me now thinking about all of the shame I felt around that, because I had not transitioned any of my work yet. I was still trying to operate in this old version of my business of like just show up and hustle. Okay, I ended up needing to like sleep train my son. He wasn't sleeping, he was like a high needs medical baby from birth, 0% wait till six months. And I was like way too soon, way too soon to be taking calls Right. So fast forward, like literally almost two years. Here she registers for like an in-person meetup. She shows up and I'm able to be like oh my God, daphne, like I think about you and I like you were on some like weird emotional mental to-do list of like you should reach back out to Daphne and apologize for like never getting back to her out to Daphne and apologize for, like, never getting back to work, um, having been in your boat and this is a like.
Speaker 2:This is a life lesson for me is that I gave out so many apologies for the first two years, yeah, and people showed me so much grace that I'm so glad I could show up the same way to you, because that was just. That's not a version of me that existed. I was such a type A person, me too and if someone didn't get back to me, I automatically had a opinion or judgment about them, and there is nothing more humbling than having half of your brain not functioning for like two weeks after that baby so when I see a mom and I realize exactly what's going on having you.
Speaker 2:Until you live through it you cannot appreciate it. But like just seeing your face, seeing sort of that, like I'm so sorry, please don't punch me. Like I'm not sure exactly what that look was the minute I saw you.
Speaker 1:Still want to hang out, like I probably won't help you with your marketing at this point, but like I really want to like just have you like in our community and I don't want to feel like I don't want to feel like you're like secretly judging me because I've done all of that just fine on my, on my own, like I gave myself all the judgment.
Speaker 2:I was going to say I, you know, like that. But that's a real thing. We all judge ourselves and if we come from this running our own business type A sort of personality, we had to wear that hat in order to be taken seriously. We had to be a little edgy, we had to be a little short because we didn't have a lot of time for fluff or we didn't have enough staff for that sort of thing. So we had to make quick judgments and move on. That is not the lesson of motherhood.
Speaker 1:That is so not the lesson of motherhood, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:And yeah, it's, it's I don't know if I want to call it humbling. It's just a better version of myself, like I just I'm a better version and I show up better for any parent and I that's like moms and dads together, cause I think also and I'll advocate for dads here too a little bit Like yeah, thank you If you're a partner, if you're and I thank God I got a partner right, cause I mean you never know until you have the kid how it's going to turn out.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 2:But, like, when you realize that, like you have that conversation and you say here's the deal going forward, you're not allowed to say that you're helping me, this is both of our jobs, right, like, and when that clicks, you realize you have a partner and that makes all the difference. But even dads, even people who are just in transition and I feel like for me, professionally, I always meet somebody who's at a transition in their life. Something changed, something shifted their access and that's the reason I'm working with them. So I just got a whole snoot of it when I became a mom. Reason I'm working with them. So I just got a whole snoot of it when I became a mom and I just I gained this whole new appreciation. Aubrey came on time but she, uh, she was a long push.
Speaker 1:And we're going to talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like. So I was like, wow, I'm not ready to talk about that.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's my, that's my like. Two cents on Daphne and my experience with you. I'm a new person. And why don't you share with our listeners? Who are you? What are you all about? What's your business? Share, share, share.
Speaker 2:Okay, this is not. I'm not a promote myself sort of person, but I will say this.
Speaker 1:Tooth, that horn Tooth that horn.
Speaker 2:But I will say this Tooth that horn, Tooth that horn. I was originally schooled to be a physical therapist and I decided when I came to do some more school here in DC that that's not really what I wanted to do. I loved business, I love the fitness industry and I ended up really managing running operations the whole bit for a lot of groups here, and no matter how well I did and I did great and people kept giving me more. Because that's what happens when you're good at your job you get more right.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately I always, yeah, I never stopped doing one-on-one coaching, like I always like, even though I was doing all these other things right, I was, you know, managing all these other places and contracts. I was like still committed Cause it just felt so good to be coaching people and making that part of my schedule. So I am 20 years in now to coaching. Um, and one of my favorite parts is I didn't really realize that, uh, coaching was like as wonderful as it could be until COVID hit, because you imagine, my business was completely in person. People would come, we'd have these interactions.
Speaker 2:When COVID hit, I was like I can't physically see people anymore. How's that going to work? So two blessings came. Well, I'll tell you later. Three blessings came out of COVID actually All of my wonderful clients, because at this point I was running my own business, I was completely on my own. I left all those other contracts and things behind, trusted and believed in me enough that we were going to make it work over Zoom, over FaceTime, whatever it was, and it was the smoothest transition anybody can ask for. All of a sudden we have this great chemistry and to the point where I have clients now that I've never actually met in person.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that, and it was just I was like that's not possible, this is impossible. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's amazing Because you know how comfortable you are in your own space, right?
Speaker 1:And we hear that so much from so many different types of businesses who you know. You could be like someone who taught floral arrangement classes and you could have thought in your head this will never work, but the adaptability and the resilience coupled with the technology and, yes, tech burnout is a very, very true thing that we are all still recovering and or experiencing every single day but it did. It did lean on our, I think, collective ability to, to lean into the transition and to adapt and to utilize the tools. And so, you know, I I use like floral arrangement as an example, because who would have thought they would? That feels like a very hands-on. You know, and here they are. You know, thousands of people on a call making flowers in the middle of.
Speaker 2:COVID Amazing Cooking everything. You can do anything. Yeah, it was such a beautiful transition and such a gift for the timing. I also realized there were some holes in my own abilities in coaching. So what I did and allows me to do this while I was pregnant by the way, I don't know why I thought I could take this on to pregnant COVID I went back to school.
Speaker 2:American University has this amazing graduate program for coaches, specifically for executive coaches, and it was a really great opportunity to sharpen my blade. So, even though I felt really confident about what I was doing and how I was working, I was like people need more. People are alone, people have, um, are having some really physical, emotional issues now being alone, being isolated. So it was a gift to really go through that, that course and like spend that time and, and you know, come up with a bunch of great colleagues too, who have different areas of coaching that they coach. It was such a gift because I was like I think I know what I'm doing, but you know you can always do better and because I wasn't commuting, I could tune into all my classes online too.
Speaker 2:It was amazing that this was, you know, this cohort and I'm talking like across the world, right, like one of my dearest colleagues now is like in Amsterdam and we talk and it's great because it's a different perspective, right, it's just different. So, no, it's really great. And then, of course, the third gift is the magic of COVID. You know, ivf didn't work for eight years but somehow the magic of COVID, just I got pregnant right. But somehow the magic of COVID, just I got pregnant right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's dive into your. We're going to dive into your IVF journey because that is just I mean, that is a story for sure. But tell me a little bit about how are you helping people. What does that look like? Like who's your ideal client? What sort of tools, tips like what does that look like for you? Like what's your area of expertise? What's going on in their lives? Where are they struggling? And they're thinking like man, I could really use some extra link. And you're like yes, I got that.
Speaker 2:It's a it is very established folks in their career. You know, I started basically with three law firms, basically just being that go-to person and a lot of it was like physical based. It was, you know, because that was my background and it was physical injuries career really established and know they have blind spots or know that they have things that they need help with. And I love being that support person, that kind of just like hey, let's tweak, let's talk about that, that meeting you're going to have with the C-suite and let's see how we can, you know, let's see how we can better frame, you know, our energy going into that meeting. Or hey, you and I know this is sort of a challenge for us. So how about I take you out of the scenario? And doing those scenarios with them just better prepares people. And that's the coaching aspect. And we all need physical help, right.
Speaker 2:In some ways, and I'm not a join me and we'll lose 10 pounds in 10 days kind of coach. I am a let's set our priorities and I love when someone comes in with a goal, but what I usually say to them is there's nothing more powerful than priority, right? So I love that. I do. I don't set goals with clients.
Speaker 2:I set priorities, and priorities can shift and they can change, but when you set a priority, it's so much different than setting a goal, because it's all-encompassing. So if you say to me, my goal is to be, or my priority is my health, right, as opposed to I want to lose 10 pounds, then what I can say to you is great, show me your schedule, and where on your schedule have you prioritized time for your health, right? That's the difference, right? Because most people who are trying to get in better shape or recover from something, or even train for a marathon or things like that, they're fitting things in, which is the problem. That's why they always fail. Right, because something's always going to take priority and not everything can be a priority.
Speaker 1:So if your priority is your mom, Well, I was going to say think about this podcast, right? I mean it's moms who are juggling motherhood and business. And so I love something that I had seen you write which is priorities, not intentions, which I think we do talk a lot about intentions. We do talk a lot about vision. We do talk a lot about setting goals and vision and big, dreamy vision. And like I love this concept of concrete priorities which to me feels like, if you're going to schedule in that meeting, where's your meeting with yourself? Kind of concept. In that meeting, where's your meeting with yourself? Kind of concept, like that's a really and knowing that any meeting that you have, that's as a mom, that's for you, is going to be the first thing that gets taken away.
Speaker 1:Childcare cancels, kids get sick, husband, partner, whatever, goes on a trip. I go on a trip, you. You know like it's such a juggle to create that consistency.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, yeah and that the fun part is that I bump into in that situation and you're talking about priorities is we all pretend that when we say that we're a mother, that that looks like the same thing, right? So like, oh well, you have a toddler and I have a toddler, so we basically have the same problems. No, that's bullshit. Not at all Not at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know You're the mother of your baby's name, right? I am the mother of Aubrey, right? Those are two different jobs, right? Even if they're the same age.
Speaker 1:Also, you know what's so funny about you just saying that? Because I actually have like really big feelings about this. I love that you just pointed this out because my best friend here, my son, is Henry. He's going to be two on Monday, so when people listen to this, he'll be well into being two. But so happy future birthday, baby's birthday to Henry. My best friend here has a daughter who's like two and a half. Best friend here has a daughter who's like two and a half and her daughter is my son's best friend and they're like five six months apart. Okay, they could not be.
Speaker 1:When I look at my best friend's two kids, I trick myself into thinking I could have like four or five kids, because her kids are so different than my son. My son is like I, like my son is like feral, like he is, like I mean, if there is something to climb, he's climbing. If there's something to get into, I mean he is just nonstop, he just wants to. He. It's like the vacuums now in 25 feet, like you know. It's just he's in everywhere. He's in every single crevice. He's in every single drawer, like he's climbing. He's very like into risk-taking. He's very big, big, big, big, big energy. Oh my gosh, when it rains it's like we still have to just like suit up and be in the rain like all day, because if not, he just goes like Tasmanian devil in the house.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile here's his best friend, okay, who can sit there and like put beads on a string and like do crafts and paint, and like she has up this and she could do that all day and she's like so calm and so perfect.
Speaker 1:That's not perfect, but when I look at her kids, I'm like oh gosh, like yeah, if I had two babies, like your babies, I could have a lot more. So, yes, yes, plus, you know, like I have a husband who travels a hundred and plus days a year. Right, that's not everyone's experience with motherhood. So I love that you just said this, because I do think that there's a shared experience of oh my gosh, my heart just broke open so wide. I'm so in love with my baby and I'm a mother and you're a mother, and we know what it's like to love this deep and worry this deep and coordinate things so deeply and plan and sacrifice ourselves in the process and it's all. So it's such an honor and it's so humbling and it is soul breaking all of the things, but you're, but you're so right and to say that your day to day and my day to day, and taking it a step further, people who have different forms of business have even different circumstances. So, anyways, that's, that's my soapbox.
Speaker 2:No, I think it's so important that, like we're at that stage, they're starting to interact with other kids, right? Or they or they have been, it's not the same. And when you try to judge your performance or your experience off of somebody else's, you are setting yourself up for failure, right, yeah, henry, henry chose you. I know that's one of those like. I always say this oh, he chose me.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, he chose me, chose you, yeah right, and you know we're always like oh, you never know like this kid chose you to be his mother, right? Yeah? Because you know, he knows you have the skills and I I wholeheartedly believe that timing and everything else with mine. It's exactly she picked me because whatever I have is what she needs, and same thing I love that Same thing with Henry is like whatever you have and you can give him is what he needs, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, nobody can do the job Right, so comparing yourself to anybody else doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense and with thinking about what you do with people's health and wellness and like all of this it's, we are all each designed so differently, like hormonally, physically, just emotionally fatigue, mental health, like all of it. I recently had a really wonderful hormone expert who her episode is not out yet, but hormone expert on here and we were just talking, you talking, you know she, she just broke down so beautifully this whole experience of when you wake up is when your cortisol should be highest and when you go to sleep is when your melatonin should be highest and most. I'm laughing because I'm like for most moms with, like, adrenal fatigue and cortisol and melatonin and sleep and sleep disruption and hormone imbalances, anyways, it's just, we are a unique subset too. So here we are. We're high achieving moms. Right, we're like ambitious moms.
Speaker 1:Let's add those two things. We're ambitious toddler moms. We're ambitious toddler moms whose husband travels a hundred plus days a year. Okay, I, I am like the poster child of needing as much support with health and wellness as possible Because just, from like the hormone perspective of feeling you know imbalanced.
Speaker 2:Even having someone accept and acknowledge that that's a consideration is sometimes a coaching moment for me where I'm like is there a chance that this is not in your head? This is actually your body's biological sort of you know notice me over here, right, like we've all had like weird, different things happen, post, post, and I'm like what's that? Why do I smell so weird?
Speaker 1:Like yeah, we only pay attention in those cases where we're like, okay, now I need a doctor, right, right, right.
Speaker 2:Only pay attention in those cases where we're like, okay, now I need a doctor, right, right, right. But yeah, I was like you're right, it's it's, it's all part of the process and nobody's experiencing it the same way you are.
Speaker 1:You know and to think about like being post-covid too, which is a whole added layer of having like physical, mental, like dust or molasses or something honest, like I feel like we're still just getting used to being in groups and being together and being like just all how disruptive that was for our, I think, natural state of humanity. You know of what we do and how we experience life, so, anyway. So you mentioned COVID, you mentioned your pregnancy journey. I would love to for you just to share that story, I mean, yeah, and just sharing. You know everything that you went through with IVF and obviously Aubrey is here now today. Right, you have your toddler now, but sounds like she was, sounds like she was a journey, like a journey to get to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's a great story. Journey like a journey to get to. Yeah, yeah, it's a. It's a great story. It's, uh, you know, being married, for I think we've been married like 25. And of course, you know that conversation right away. It's like when are you having kids? When are you having kids? And we're like, eh, we're busy, we're doing this thing. So you start making excuses like, oh, we're too busy to time this, we're too busy to that, right Sort of thing. And you know, you know you 32, right, 31, 32. You start asking questions like you know, this should have just spontaneously happened by now, right, and you know, started early with some testing. Find a guy know that I'd like to work with, who was, you know, specializing and mom's interested in getting pregnant and nothing happening it. It was one of those like keep trying, you're doing great and would go back every year.
Speaker 1:Like unexplained unexplained fertility.
Speaker 2:Unexplained completely, and infertility and you know, and the fact that on a fairly you know, annual basis. I'm being tested, he's being tested. There's no, you know. So it doesn't make any sense. And then we realized that the doc we're using shifts to a big, bigger box fertility I won't say the name here Practice and we were like, wow, well, that's a sign that we need to start thinking about different ways to approach becoming parents.
Speaker 1:Like new a provider, like finding a new provider and getting new support new interventions, right?
Speaker 2:So the idea that, like, it was no longer about just trying and you know, I'm at this point, I'm creeping up on 32, 133. And they're suggesting that all the hormones look great, we'll keep, you know, doing this sort of thing and then I think I think maybe just was like, well, hey, listen, nothing else is working, so why don't just jump to the finish line and start this IVF thing? Right, you're busy people, you've got a lot on your plate. Let's just take this. It was like, basically, they were like doing the Walmart thing, like, hey, listen, I don't know, but we've got it all right here, let's just package these babies, toss them in and see if that works. Right. That's crazy, right. Yeah, that feels a little bit like no, it actually did at some point. But you understand, being busy the way you are. I sort of just said, okay, maybe it is, maybe it is that we're just he's traveling so much, I'm working so much, maybe we also they're like they are the experts, right, so they're the experts, and this is the solution that they are presenting.
Speaker 1:And so, yes, like here's IVF, right, here's, let's just skip to the good. Let's just skip to the good part.
Speaker 2:You know which sounds like it wasn't the good part no, and as you, if you've ever been, I'm sure a lot of moms who hear this like will agree. It is not fine. You know. You are hitting yourself with all sorts of medications You've got. I'm not diabetic, I've never would do drugs, but in the way that you become really good with needles in your body and just where to poach, where to punch and you feel like a pin cushion. You're taking things even though you're traveling. You're taking these things with you because you have to stay on this synchronized schedule and meanwhile you're in the shower throwing up because your hormones aren't natural and they're not matching and you're feeling dizzy and even though it didn't feel right, it never the entire time. This went on for about five years and just making efforts to implant a new one and see what happens and plan a new one and wait, you did IVF for five years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we did. We did three cycles and we separated them because I was getting really sick in between. I was actually I was just having so many that to the point where, right before the last cycle, we decided to do an intervention where they would uh, hysteroscopy where they basically just go in and like scoop all of the lining out so that you have a place to stick you know, the new embryo.
Speaker 2:So it's very acute, right wow these pockets and so I did the procedure and that was, that was, uh, very beginning of covid. In fact, they weren't sure if they could do it, because they weren't sure unnecessary surgery is at that point and which, to you, you were like this is very necessary, but like, thank you, you know, I'm like I'm creeping up on 36, 37 at this point. So there's, you know, some real, you know concern, because you know, you know the title of geriatric is, like always, oh, oh, I'm, I am, ama, don't get me wrong, I'm, I'm a little I'm a little advanced maternal age.
Speaker 2:That's just a blood being geriatric, and for someone who really makes health a priority in their life, professionally, it's so weird to hear that and to be treated that way. So we were able to get in for that procedure and then we did what they call a trial with another round of medications, right, as if they were like hey, we're just setting you up to see what the right titration is, because we know you were having these reactions to the amount we were giving and that actually affected my body so badly that I had shingles after that. So basically, the last planned IVF cycle that they were doing had to be pushed back because my immune system was so deteriorated.
Speaker 1:I was going to say just such an autoimmune disorder Like this is just terrible, like my 30s getting shingles, shingles Like shingles right. Shingles is like a 60, 70-year-old. You know, for those who had Speaking of geriatric, right, yeah, right, I mean yeah. But it's also wild to think that you, professionally, were working in the health space. So here you are, you're still working through all of this and I'm sure you were like working, working too right, because that's yeah.
Speaker 2:Because that's Sometimes being busy helps. You know, I was like, I guess Well described.
Speaker 1:You described your type anus you know before right before.
Speaker 1:So here you are, you're hustling and being ambitious and showing up and traveling and doing all of this and corporate clients, coaching, clients, big you know. Clients, clients, clients and you're having this essentially fertility crisis, health crisis, mental health crisis, I'm assuming yeah, yeah, I mean I can't even imagine what a cluster dumpster fire I mean. Not, I mean that must have been while you're thinking well, here, this is what I'm being told to do. So crazy, and I mean we haven't mentioned this yet, but that's wildly expensive too.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, how do I think about the shoe?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean just, you're like Aubrey, there's your college.
Speaker 2:You're right, it was like that 529. I know right, it looks so different right now.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, which is? I think it's just it's yeah, I mean that's a whole conversation that I'm not qualified to have around advocacy, and if I could find someone who could speak on this podcast. You know very articulately and effectively, and who's qualified to talk about fertility, women's health, access, affordability policy. You know, like, um, insurance, you know just the fact that fertility and privilege, fertility and resource, I mean it's, if you don't have the means, you're not getting going, getting get those, those treatments, you know, or you're or you live in Alabama and you've got a whole nother situation.
Speaker 1:So I know, I know, yeah we talked a little bit about policies coming down affecting families going through IVF and and policy around that, but hopefully by the time this comes out, maybe there'll be some resolution maybe soon. But yes, I mean it is. It is definitely a. You know, access to motherhood isn't a straight and narrow path, which it sounds like not equal, yeah. So what happened after that third round? Well, that's.
Speaker 2:So what happened?
Speaker 1:after the shingles Wait.
Speaker 2:So you had shingles. So I had shingles and this was the. This was end of the summer, right, had shingles and they said, hey, listen, we need to put you on some really aggressive medication, for you know the shingles. So I guess the best bet is now. We look at November possibly as the next time we really make this happen. So I was like, okay, great, I need a respite, I need a break from this. Clearly, my body's trying to tell me something like hey, too much, too much too much. So I decided and this is again over COVID COVID to join a group of yoga enthusiasts right From a from a, a studio that I visited in Steamboat, like years ago.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what the connection was, you know, but I just remembered that I've really loved the woman who ran it and she was offering this ability to become a yoga instructor. But for me it was just about like diving in, you know, diving into my health and giving myself that many of these training things to just focus on my body. So it came at the right time that, you know, it's great to be a yoga instructor. It's not my, it's not my, you know my bread and butter but it's nice to have a community of people that you're focused on your body with. You're focused, and that training or that class alone was not just about yoga. It was a lot about asking yourself questions and digging deeper.
Speaker 2:And I really appreciated that experience and mostly because week two of training with them I peed on a stick because my boobs felt really weird in a weird way I'd never experienced and I was like, hey, guess who's pregnant.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:So I thank you out here yoga for getting me pregnant. Essentially, yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah For giving me a space to like calm myself and breathe and sit and be still and focus inward, and I mean I think that's where yoga is really sometimes quite misunderstood is. It's not about the poses, it's about breathing. But wow and you know you hear this so often I'm close with someone here who did IVF like three or four times. I mean it was like six years and then rainbow baby and then, like then they tried for their second and they were pregnant like four weeks later. I mean it was just like. But again, it was what did we call it? Unidentified fertility issues. Like you know, there was no reason. Like they couldn't identify what was causing the infertility. Wow, what a, what a first of all, the way to be so intuitive with your body to say no and like stop and not do that, complete that final round and take that break. I mean that's like miraculous, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's even when we were doing it, even when I chose to do it. It was such an interesting conversation, it was an investment to do this and I thought it was. But I said something to Rich, to husband, and I just said I don't know why, and it's not a matter of I want to do this. I said something's telling me I need to do this and he's like that sounds right to me, that sounds like you know something more than I do, and and lo and behold, that was the magic equation. Now, if at 42, I get another chance to maybe, maybe, make a brother or sister like, what's needed in that scenario may be completely different, who knows. But it's amazing when you just sort of like look inside and say to yourself I need time, I need space, I need to heal, I need to prioritize what's going on in me Because, as you know, you work with people. You're like a lot of time. The priority goes to what everyone else needs.
Speaker 1:Where do you feel today around? I'm also an older mom, right, I had Henry when I was. I think I got pregnant when I was 36. Yeah, I had him when I was 37, something like that. I've been like three different ages, so it's confusing. That didn't make any sense. What I just said. It was like I got pregnant a couple months before my birthday, so I think I got pregnant at 35, but then I quickly turned 36 and then I had him when I was 30 and then I've turned 37. Anyways. So anyways, and I'm pretty sure I'm 38 now. Okay, love it.
Speaker 2:When her birth certificate said that the mother was 39, I was like, wait, I'm 39. I'm like, yeah, I want to see.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like funny because it's knowing your age when you're pre, like just pre-4. It's like funny because it's knowing your age when you're pre, like just pre-4. It's like a real thing. It's a real dysfunction of like not knowing I never know how old I am. So I feel this extra sense of oh shoot, if we're going to have another baby, we should start soon Like that pressure, right, yes, but I can't help but hear your story.
Speaker 1:And then, you know, I felt like some I don't know transferred like sadness for you or some empathy or something, because I was thinking like, oh, what you just said about if we want to have another baby, you know, maybe, maybe not 42. I'm sure you've gone through a lot of processing and grief around like hey, it was supposed to look like this and we might be like a one and done, which I don't know how I feel about that saying, because I hear it all the time because you don't really want to be one and done, so it's, it's, that's not. Anyways, I'm just curious, like what that process was for you around getting to a place of acceptance or maybe that's not where you are or grief, or yeah, you're an excellent coach, by the way.
Speaker 2:You dug right in and even veiled through what I said. You heard what I was expressing, because that is a big deal. But part of this is those years of failed attempts really has kind of set a mindset for me, and I can't tell you how many times I was just walking my dog knowing that the IVF wasn't working or that we got the hey, this didn't work again, sort of phone call and just being in an open sob. And I remember having a conversation with Rich at one point and I said is this enough? Is this enough for both of us? If, if it's just, it's good, yeah, you and me at the end of the day, is that enough? Is that a deal breaker? Is this? Because I want to have a really honest conversation.
Speaker 2:When you marry somebody and the intention is always have kids together, because that's something you both prioritized and there's no known cause, right, we can't really put a finger on who's. You know I I was like is that enough? Because if you want this opportunity to have a kid, that might mean we're at that age. Maybe that means that we need to make a decision about our relationship, you know.
Speaker 1:Because I wanted to be fair to him. Yeah, that's so heavy.
Speaker 2:It was never a consideration, but there was something about my own process that I needed him to hear him say we're enough if this is the end, yeah, if this is how our story is written, that, um, we spend this life together, just the two of us, and we keep bringing more beautiful dogs into our world, that's great, um, and we have the best dogs ever, and it was perfect.
Speaker 2:But this really goes back to and I have to keep myself on this mindset because I don't think I'm done. To be honest, I'm not done and I don't feel like I'm done. But I only knew that because I realized, and you and I just said, that before Henry picked you, I realized, and you and I just said, that before Henry picked you, and his timing was divine and he's here in this earth at this moment for a reason, like his timing, it's divine. His choice of you as a mom is divine. That Aubrey's timing was when she was ready for the lifespan that she needs and whoever her brother, sister is going to be, their timing is just going to be as appropriate. And it's not up to me, and no matter how much I type A my way through the process and hit the doctors, hit the IVF. Eat this, do that, you know. Join this like it's not about me.
Speaker 1:So, through your experience, you, if you get pregnant again, it'll all be natural, correct, that's what it sounds like. Okay, and when you were pregnant with Aubrey this is my question for you and this is this is my this is kind of weird, this is like my weird tangent thinking, but when you were pregnant with her, I wonder if it felt different than when I was pregnant with Henry, because Henry, I mean, and I think also when you hear someone who has went through IVF, I think it's normal for me to be like should I feel shame or should I feel not share about my experience, because I think that feeling I have is so true across so many things that women experience and so many things in motherhood, like, let me be small, like let me, yeah, make my experience small. I don't know if this is making sense, but I feel like. I feel like it's like you would be like no, of course I want you to tell me that you got pregnant on the first try, like you know, because I want, of course, I want you to tell me that you got pregnant on the first try, like you know, because I want to hear you. I want you to tell me your story.
Speaker 1:I want to hear your story, mariah, like, why would I not want to hear your story? I just like cried on your podcast and I want to hear. You know what I mean, like. But it is interesting to say, you know, let's take, let's take fertility out of it. If Aubrey was a bad sleeper, okay, she never sleeps, okay. And I said and you were telling me the story, I might feel like ashamed that I don't want to tell you that Henry sleeps 12 hours a night. Right, let's take a less emotionally charged topic okay.
Speaker 1:Where, and I don't know why we're built that way and I feel like it's this lack of like kind of village mentality right, because if we were raising kids in a deeper sense of community and village, like we primarily were, we would all know that Aubrey wasn't sleeping and Henry was like it would just be common communal knowledge to share all of our experiences. So the reason why I was saying that was I never got the sense when I was pregnant. We didn't have to. We never struggled with fertility. Yeah, I've never had a miscarriage and I don't think I could. I don't think I've had a miscarriage.
Speaker 1:We never have, I mean yeah, I never got the sense of like while I was pregnant. Like, oh, this could be my only pregnancy. That's what I, that's where I was going like, oh, this could be my only pregnancy, that's where I was going with. That was did you have that experience when you were pregnant? Did you like, really like, romanticize your pregnancy? Do you know what I mean? Did you really like, or were you like every other woman and you were like no man? I was freaking pregnant.
Speaker 2:So that's a really good question. Yeah, because in some ways, like you want to immortalize it right, because this could be the time right. So I, you know, I knew that I wanted to immortalize it in, like, at least photography for me, because it's no different than like running a race or something like I need, I need photographic evidence that I did this right. Yeah, of course. So in some ways there was like a physical challenge and partially and again I don't know if it was hormones or whatever it is I was sick the entire time, right, so I was just, you know, I was having, you know, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't sleep and the whole thing, and it was Gosh no one talks about that.
Speaker 1:Can't breathing. No, I wonder if you had the same posterior. I wonder if you had the same position. I wonder if Aubrey and Henry had the same position, because he was pushing on my lungs and that's not always everyone's position and so I had breath, stuff.
Speaker 2:I was breathy, yeah, yeah it's like the nasal congestion, the inflammation of, like it just made it impossible. But I was the most grateful, miserable pregnant woman on earth, right, right. So there was this wonderful thing where I never wanted to tell anybody anything bad like knock on wood, you know whatever. That's kind of hard, though. It was just this sense of gratitude in my misery that I can fully appreciate that. You're like. I felt like shit being hit every time.
Speaker 1:I know Me too, I hated being pregnant. I mean, I didn't. I mean I think I did have those moments of like, oh my gosh, my body and just well glowing la, la, la, la. Like for sure I think they were fleeting, though, but my husband actually is like he'll be the first to remind me. Like, oh god, like I don't know, I remember rosacea.
Speaker 2:I remember I mean I yeah I was just so miss.
Speaker 1:It was this I had, like I never had morning sickness, I had like 3 am sickness, like every night. It just prepped me for the perfect baby that was born, who never slept, and so I felt like I went into this part of life like with that schedule already.
Speaker 1:You were pregnant, like pregnancy, and now he's a great sleeper Thanks to like sleep training and things like that. But yeah, but I, yeah, I just think about like, like that concept of like really honoring that this might be. Yeah, and I mean I think I could ask. I mean I think that would come across with like aubrey's first birthday or her first words or the first time she works. I mean not to get like so, but you know, there is something about motherhood where it's just it's so sentimental. Everything is so sentimental. I'm overly sentimental too, so it's like that's so sentimental. But you know, obviously, like my hope for you is if another baby's in your future, then then that would just happen and come. And I will say I did just read, like Jessica Alba or someone just had a baby at like 45. I mean I just read it.
Speaker 1:I was just like yeah, I was just like you know, and you know what's crazy is I go to a, I go to a um, like a functional medicine doctor here, and she had just told me that the average age for a first time mom is now 38. Isn't that great, isn't that wild? Because I think in society and in our bodies and in our like, we're thinking like gosh, we're so old, we're so old, you know, like clock ticking, clock ticking, and you're like, well, wait a minute, I actually wait. Did I have my baby young? I had him. I had him at 37, right, you know, and you look, you look great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, I mean that's kind, but but I mean just just trying to rewire that narrative around what young pregnancy, what old pregnancy, what you know, it's so unique to our body, like it does not surprise me that you stopped injecting yourself and you sat still and all of a sudden, I mean, your story is just, it's so, you gotta trust yourself. It's so like, tragic and so beautiful and so tragic and so beautiful and like. But I think that that's that's something that we just don't talk about enough. I don't think that there's enough conversations about having a miscarriage, ivf, fertility issues, unidentified fertility, like I just don't having one child and never being able to have another. Even if you weren't an ivf, mom say you were were just a natural. There's just, there's so much, I think, baked in grieving, in motherhood, and we don't really talk about it anywhere.
Speaker 2:This is new. I mean, we think about our grandmothers, how many occasions they had, and you would never talk about it. You know, I learned later that one of my paternal grandmother had like two miscarriages in between her six kids. Like I would have been dead. Like I would have needed a therapist Right. Like you know, and these are people who are like burying one year olds because of sudden infant. You know like things like that. And like yes, and there's no help for that, You're just supposed to like polio you know like.
Speaker 1:I mean you know just actual, you know disease and famine and you know all sorts of things.
Speaker 2:So talking about this stuff is new, but I think it requires us to keep these conversations because they are uncomfortable for people. They are uncomfortable, but for the person who's living it, it's like the biggest relief ever. Where you're, like you can tell me about it, I've been there, you're not alone. This is, there's not something wrong with you, you didn't do anything wrong. Right Like this is what happens. You know, some people appreciate statistics and hearing those things and some people don't, but you know. But it's a lot more common than we talk about.
Speaker 1:And I don't. I'm not positioning you as the poster mama of IVF. However, I think you might be the first. I think this might be the first episode where we dive into it, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, and if you could give some tangible suggestions to fellow moms who maybe have friends who are going through IVF or know people like how, what is the best? What would, what do we say?
Speaker 1:I just recorded an episode recently about death and my friend's husband had died and so she shared her story about yes, but it was, it's a really really, really beautiful episode about widowhood and having a toddler, but we talk about, like, why don't we talk about death? What is that? And it's because people don't know how. This is not talking about you know, your husband passing away. This is talking about fertility and IVF and all of this, or loss.
Speaker 1:Boss, what would you suggest to other women that would kind of set them at ease of, hey, you can't say something wrong, right? Or not saying anything at all is worse. Like, did you have friends who just didn't acknowledge you know what I mean? Because they just didn't know how? Because here you are going through this huge thing, so sorry, that's like I always do this. I ask like five questions and like one cause I get so excited. I'm like how can we teach people better ways to communicate with those who are going through fertility issues? And now I'm curious to know if you have your circle, if you had those experiences.
Speaker 2:Yes, and the short answer is this Cause I, you know, I had to go to, I had to go to baby showers that weren't for me. I had to, you know, like you know, it was Well, yeah, because how many years?
Speaker 1:I mean none of your friends had a baby shower in six, seven years. I mean what it was. Eight years, I mean yeah, of course, yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:My piece of advice in all of this is to not be afraid to tell people what you're doing, because I think when you communicate, people can show up for you. So even you know, I've had friends who've had miscarriages and then, you know, were afraid to tell anybody they were pregnant again because they were afraid they were going to have to announce another miscarriage. And my answer is always the same You're better off knowing, right? Because then you have a community of people. So if you're going through IVF, tell your friends, right. If you miscarried and you just got pregnant again, tell people. Don't be afraid to tell people that you truly care about and support you, because if it does happen again that you truly care about and support you Because if it does happen again, that feeling of loneliness is the worst part and people don't know how to support you if you don't tell them.
Speaker 2:No one reads minds and no one can guess, and some people are better at hiding it than others. So when people are like, oh, I waited till a week, such and such, and that's fine for the internet, right, but the people who are your closest friends if you're doing the IVF met, right, but the people who are your closest friends. If you're doing the IVF, if you are pregnant after a miscarriage, tell the people you love because you need that support, right? You don't want to be alone in those moments and I'm telling you the loneliness is the worst part, because going into a baby shower after hearing these sort of things and just holding it together, or feeling like you need to show up, you know, for the benefit of everybody else.
Speaker 2:Or having to cancel last minute because you can't keep your eyes dry enough to show up right Like yeah, the people who care about you will support you, but you have to tell them, you have to be willing to share that.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean that's that's probably easier said than done, would be my guess and it feels like allowing yourself permission to be held in community, which is what we all need. I mean, having that community after the baby is born is vital. So I mean it's important to build that, no matter what stage you're in. We've just built this weird society that is just so isolating, it's just so bizarre to me and it's heightened in motherhood and that's why I mean that is my goal with Made for Mothers, which is like, hey, moms are on an island and entrepreneurs are on an island and moms who run businesses are on both, and they can be on two separate islands at any given time and could be the most isolating path to do both. So, anyways, well, I just appreciate you sharing this story so openly and candidly and honestly, and sharing, you know, the highs and lows and the wisdom, and obviously, with Aubrey. How old is she now? Is she two?
Speaker 2:uh, two will be three in june, so we're getting them yeah oh my gosh, so fun, so fun.
Speaker 1:I yeah, um, I can't believe henry's gonna be two. It like trips me out, but I yeah, I just appreciate your, this, just your journey with all of us and anyone who's listening. And if anyone else just felt like seen or heard, or if you learned something, like you know, please let us know. How can people find you work with you? Where can they, where can they, you know, learn more about?
Speaker 2:you. You know, yeah, my website is lift pro wellness, if you want to learn about what I do or some of the things that I offer. Um, really, I love really just sharing over blogs and writing and things like that, because I think that's that's most valuable and I'm going to do more of that this year. That's a priority, not a goal. A priority, see, we'll go over that, because I think that's where, that's where we gain our community, that's where we really connect with people emotionally and on a human level, is like hearing your stories right and hearing stories like we're talking about right now, because the internet can be so vanilla and it can be so cold.
Speaker 1:And when you read somebody's story and you hear them.
Speaker 2:that's what inspires you. So, yeah, if you're in a space where you're ready to change priorities in your life, in your health, in your business, whatever, that is, like I said, for me it's really about behavior modification and setting priorities and being the healthiest version of yourself possible so you can show up for every area that you prioritize. That's really my passion.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it and mamas need it so bad. So give Daphne a follow. I'm going to link all of your information in the show notes. Is there anything else you want to add?
Speaker 2:before we sign off Thanks for making this community. It's really, really important and even though we ghosted each other two years ago or whatever the case may be, you know I still followed you because even that conversation two years ago, I knew you were a really incredible person and there was some connection there and that I just really valued. You know the kind of work that you did and the kind of energy that we had when we spoke and I just was like this person is important and this person go in places and supporting people and I think what you're doing is incredible.
Speaker 1:Oh, thanks, I appreciate that. Thanks so much for saying that it is a go in places, but go in places a little slower now, which feels really good, you know super intentional priorities, which feels really good.
Speaker 1:You know super intentional priorities. I want to have you, I feel like we need to have you back on and just talk about priorities versus intentions. Like that feels like like or workshop or something, or maybe a made for mothers event around it, like like, yeah, we should, we should talk more about that, because I'm sure yeah, you know, in a one-hour podcast is sometimes you have to pick. Are we talking about pick? Are we talking about goal setting? Are we talking about IVF?
Speaker 1:We could go either way, either way here. So all right, Daphne. Well, thank you so much for sharing. Thank you everyone for listening for another episode of the made from others podcast. I will link everything in the show notes and, again, if you are into what you're listening to, give us a review and a follow and a rate and a like and blah, blah, blah, blah. All that because it really does help share the stories of moms who are doing incredible things in this world. So we will talk to you soon. Thank you, Yay, you just finished another episode of the made for mothers podcast.
Speaker 1:As always, you can find more details about today's show in the show notes and be sure to give us a review. Subscribe so you don't miss a chance to grow your biz from fellow moms. Are you wanting more one-on-one support or are you looking to learn how to market your business in a way so you can spend more time with your family and less time stressing about what to do next? Then follow along on instagram at mariah stockman, or book a one-on-one biz therapy session with yours truly, and let's find that work mamahood harmony we all deserve. Until next time. This is your host, Mariah Stockman, and thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you.