Made for Mothers
27. What is Micro-Self Care!? w/ Motherhood Coach Emma Benyon
Today, we're diving into a topic that resonates with all moms: self-care. Our guest, Emma Benyon, a self-care and motherhood coach from the U.K., sheds light on why prioritizing self-care is crucial in our lives.
Emma, a mum, stepparent, and full-time post-16 educator, specializes in supporting busy moms in navigating the complexities of motherhood, career, and personal growth with less overwhelm and more balance, clarity, and energy. Recognizing the uniqueness of each mother's journey, Emma tailors her support to honor their diverse lives and experiences.
In this episode, Emma and I explore the real challenges of balancing motherhood, work, and entrepreneurship while stressing the importance of simplifying tasks and prioritizing self-care. We highlight the significance of maintaining healthy habits and how small, daily self-care practices can make a significant difference. Self-care should be simple and achievable, even for moms juggling multiple roles.
Gone are the days of viewing self-care as an occasional luxury or adding more to an already full plate. It's time to redefine self-care as something accessible and achievable in our everyday lives. This conversation with Emma is both enlightening and heartwarming—a must-listen for every mom navigating the trenches of motherhood.
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Connect with Emma on Instagram @emmabenyon.coach
Learn more about working with Emma and see all of her courses, coaching packages and more by visiting her website
Listen to Emma’s podcast: Self Care and Motherhood Edit Podcast
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Today, we're diving into a topic that resonates with all moms: self-care. Our guest, Emma Benyon, a self-care and motherhood coach from the U.K., sheds light on why prioritizing self-care is crucial in our lives.
Emma, a mum, stepparent, and full-time post-16 educator, specializes in supporting busy moms in navigating the complexities of motherhood, career, and personal growth with less overwhelm and more balance, clarity, and energy. Recognizing the uniqueness of each mother's journey, Emma tailors her support to honor their diverse lives and experiences.
In this episode, Emma and I explore the real challenges of balancing motherhood, work, and entrepreneurship while stressing the importance of simplifying tasks and prioritizing self-care. We highlight the significance of maintaining healthy habits and how small, daily self-care practices can make a significant difference. Self-care should be simple and achievable, even for moms juggling multiple roles.
Gone are the days of viewing self-care as an occasional luxury or adding more to an already full plate. It's time to redefine self-care as something accessible and achievable in our everyday lives. This conversation with Emma is both enlightening and heartwarming—a must-listen for every mom navigating the trenches of motherhood.
____
Connect with Emma on Instagram @emmabenyon.coach
Learn more about working with Emma and see all of her courses, coaching packages and more by visiting her website
Listen to Emma’s podcast: Self Care and Motherhood Edit Podcast
Connect with me on Instagram
Learn more about booking a Biz Therapy session and working together by visiting my website
Hello and welcome to the Made for Mothers podcast, your one-stop shop for candid and relatable conversations about motherhood and entrepreneurship. Think of this show as your new mom friend, where we dive into all things marketing, branding, mindset, money, childcare and growing your business while we all navigate our roles as both CEO and mom. I'm your host, mariah Stockman, and I wear a bunch of hats I'm a boy mama, I'm serving as a marketing mentor for mothers, I'm running a six-figure marketing agency and, on top of that, I'm the proud founder of the Made for Mothers community. This show is about sharing the real stories and the practical strategies from fellow mother-run businesses. So dive in, grab your headphones, reheat that coffee and let's go.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, hello and welcome to another episode of the Made for Mothers podcast. I am your host, mariah Stockman. I am a boy mama, I am a marketing and business mentor, biz therapist for mamas and the very proud founder of the Made for Mothers community, which is currently spreading its wings. We have just launched a waitlist for launching chapters across the country. We just filed our trademark.
Speaker 1:It's a very, very exciting time in the Made for Mothers world, which is a perfect time to be talking to our guest today, emma Bennion. Hi, emma Hi. And I'm going to tell you why it's a perfect time to be talking to her because, hot damn, she talks to moms about self-care. So Emma Bennion is a self-care and motherhood coach and educator. She supports busy moms, not moms You're going to hear her accent in just a second and you're going to pick up on this real quick but busy moms who are juggling the school run with a job and building a business, with tools to be less overwhelmed and to have more balance, energy and clarity. So I am so excited to welcome Emma here because, hello, self-care, self-care. Come on, let's go.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, where do you even start with that? And it's my job, that's what I do.
Speaker 1:I know, so tell us a little bit about yourself, emma. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. So I'm Emma, probably as you can tell from my accent and from the UK, and I am a mom to a six-year-old. I'm also a step-parent and a full-time post-16 educator. However, that all being said, my absolute passion is supporting busy mums with all that we juggle from the school run to a job, to building a business and everything in between, and what I want for mums is for us to have less overwhelm, more balance, more clarity, more energy in a way that works for us, because we are all so different, all of our lives look so different and how that is made up. We are all in different seasons of motherhood. Our children are also different. It has to be in a way that works for us. So I'm a coach for moms in lots of different modalities essentially self-care cheerleader in a way that makes it easy and simple.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. I mean, you are literally what we all need so much more of. But let's talk about this. How did you start this business? Because you're a teacher.
Speaker 1:So, how do you go from being a teacher to a self-care coach for moms? Besides, I mean the obvious, which is you became a mom and I'm sure you needed some self-care. What is it like? Do one see one teach one or something? I don't know? You know, like lived experience probably, but how does that? How does someone make the leap in? So, post 16, is that what you said? Yeah what grade is that equivalent?
Speaker 2:college. So, okay, okay, yeah, so college. So how do I? How did I make that leap? Well, I have been teaching now for about 10 years just over 10 years and obviously became a mom six, 10 years, just over 10 years and obviously became a mum six years ago, or just over six years ago, and I found that transition so difficult and prior to motherhood. Wait, why? Why did you find it so difficult? Oh my gosh, so many reasons. I think. I've been so focused on my career and you have that control, don't you Like? This is what my day looks like. This is how it works. This is how it works. This is how much sleep I'm gonna get. This is how much rest I'm gonna get. Yeah, all of that.
Speaker 2:And then she arrived and I was completely lost with who I was, had no idea who I was anymore, like no clue. Like who Emma is anymore, and and we struggled so much. I struggled a lot during my pregnancy Then we struggled to get to sleep, then she wouldn't feed properly and it was all just like you know, like if she came with a manual, that would have been amazing. However, they don't do they? No, they don't.
Speaker 1:So it's just a lot of hard, hard, hard, hard yeah.
Speaker 2:And that kind of cumulated in me being diagnosed with postnatal depression when she was five months old, so self-care could not have been like a more important addition to the other therapy that I was seeking at that time yeah, did you find a postpartum therapist that you really was helpful like?
Speaker 1:was that like a good process for you?
Speaker 2:yes, so, so, so useful to just being off, you know, to be able to offload all of that kind of stuff that you know all of those, I guess, the guilt, the you know intrusive thoughts, that you know all of that stuff that I'd like mounted up and actually so I had counseling through the NHS and I also had a whole host of incredible friends who were working in the birth and baby world who were an amazing support network to have as well. Wow, amazing. And you know when, when I started the business so although it had a different name at that time was doing something very, very different in relation to kind of that was products. What I do know is more service. She was four weeks old, so my daughter was just four weeks, which is a crazy time to start a business.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially with like postpartum depression, with like a baby who's having issues sleeping, who's having issues feeding, I mean you're like lost in it. You're literally like it's all. This story is so not rare, like this is not the first time I've heard this story like in different, in different versions, with different accents.
Speaker 1:It's like this story of I had my baby and then I decided to start a business is like so such a common thread, like I don't know what it moms are so wild in this regard of, we are so beyond capable of superhuman type stuff, like I mean, if the rest of the world would just catch up to like the feminine power of women. I mean, you're four weeks old and you're like I'm just gonna start a business, sure, yeah, okay, so how'd that go?
Speaker 2:do you know what I actually as much as you know when I share that story and obviously when you share it with moms, are like, okay, yeah, I kind of get it.
Speaker 2:And then the people like you did what I actually as much as you know when I share that story, and obviously when you share it with mums, are like, okay, yeah, I kind of get it.
Speaker 2:And then the people like you did what? Like how did you like it was a lot of her sleeping on me, me sat at my computer at all hours watching telly on repeat, like binge watching, box sets of things, and actually it gave me such a drive and focus and although it was so intrinsically linked with kind of my life and motherhood and what was happening for me at that time also gave me something so separate to that as well and I think without that, you know, my mental health would have been a lot worse than it was when I had the diagnosis and I think it just gave me that passion and drive that actually you know you have a baby and you had your career before and ultimately your career is possibly your when I had the diagnosis and I think it just gave me that passion and drive that actually you know you have a baby and you had your career before and ultimately your career is possibly your drive before baby arrives, sure yeah.
Speaker 2:I relate to that so much, yeah. And then baby arrives and you're like, okay, now, what? Now, what do I do Like I need something?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always talk about. I always talk about for a lot of moms, pre-baby, pre-motherhood our businesses are our hobby in a lot of way, so it is interesting to think about. You were looking for something to do and if you are a creative, if you're naturally a creative, you really do enjoy building businesses. That is a fun. I love it. It's for me to like create things and launch things, and so for people who don't really understand that part of like a creative entrepreneur, they could think of that as like wow, you're such a workaholic. Wow, like you, you really needed to be distracted during this time.
Speaker 1:Like, oh man, you should have just been so present, like I wish I could have been more present. It's like, well, actually, this was probably like a lifeboat for you, in a way of like my creative brain needed somewhere to go and it needed to be stimulated. During this time when the rest of your brain was also struggling, you know, your mind, your body, your emotional state was struggling to like catch up, this other part of you was like on fire and thriving, you know, which is so weird to think of, like it's so not a season for moms to thrive, but like your little business part of you was actually like super, like hitting the road and running for it, which is such a trip to think about, I think, like in the bigger picture.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, yeah, I think that's a really interesting way that you describe it and like, but it's that kind of I guess you can see where the achievement is kind, you can see the progress you're making, which perhaps you know, and that was one of the things that I really struggled with was actually when my daughter's dad came home from work was like, well, you know, what have I achieved today? Like I've actually done not that much, and actually if I'd have transferred that across to what I was doing for my business, it would have been a whole load more stuff that I'd actually achieved. Interesting how we look at that from different perspectives isn't it?
Speaker 1:You know what's really interesting I just want to share this really fast. I've shared this in other podcasts it's really interesting is when my son was six months old. He wasn't sleeping. He didn't sleep for six months. Like it was terrible for us, and there's an earlier podcast here with my sleep coach.
Speaker 1:But I remember having this very aha moment of if I ever had a problem in my business for six months that caused me this like amount of wreckage. You know, like if my finances were upside down and the IRS I don't know what it's called over there but you know the tax man was knocking on the door, being like we're going to take your house. I mean that's a very dramatic example, but that's how little we were. I mean it was dire. I was in a dire state of needing sleep. And I remember having this moment of like if this were my business, this were a business problem, I would have outsourced and hired someone to fix this problem for me, like that week, because that's just who I am in my business I'm super proactive and I just do things. And then I hired that sleep coach and you know what? My son was sleeping 13 hours a night, like three weeks later, like a month later or whatever, and he still does, like two years later.
Speaker 1:So I just think it's interesting to think, like what you just shared about, your husband would come home and you felt like you got nothing done and nothing was productive. And then you would think to yourself, gosh, if I got nothing done in my business and my business day wasn't productive. Isn't that so interesting, how we like compare the two, even though no one's really telling us we have to be productive, like it's only us telling us, like what productivity is and like what that measuring stick of it is, but how those thoughts that we have between our home life and our work life, they're so intertwined. And that's why I say, like we're all just moms first and then business owners second, like wherever we go, that's who we are. We don't have to pretend to be a mom over here and a business owner over there, anyways. So it's just so crazy how we intertwine and compare. We compare our two selves, like our business self and our mom self, even though it's all the same, cool. So then what happened?
Speaker 2:next. So what happened next was I went back to work as a full-time teacher and my daughter went to childminders and I had another, I guess, bump in the road. Let's say that was probably much harder than the first one, um, where I was then in a space where I was trying to juggle work, which had changed when I went back and things had changed and I was like now I'm back in the classroom talking to 16 year olds and, oh my gosh, missing my daughter absolutely terribly, and then also trying to run my business at the same time, and I guess that juggle you know of. Now how do I do all these things? Because I don't want to give up my job, I don't want to give up my business and obviously my daughter is always going to be there. So how am I going to make that work? And I think for a really long time, kind of that.
Speaker 2:Next chapter was burnout, spinning all the plates, trying not to drop any, probably not taking great care of myself and ultimately, you know, led me to a space where, you know, I was like what, what, what am I going to do? Like what difference do I need to make this work? Like because I can't continue the way that I am, and I was working all of the time like I'd get home from my full-time job, put my daughter's bed and be like I'm gonna do some work now oh man, burnout, burnout, burnout, burnout, yeah, and so relatable, just so relatable for so many moms like you know.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you've heard like you, you know the nap hustle, you know people who are like, just build your business during nap time and it's like, well, wait, I need to shower and eat and work out and move my body and fuel myself. Like I can't, I just can't, like, but I will and I'm going to, and it's going to end terribly.
Speaker 2:And I think that cycle just continues, doesn't it? And I'm like, ok, now I need to make a different choice here, and actually the choice is that something is gonna have to give or it's gonna take a little bit longer, and I think that's the piece that I've come to, now that actually I am building a business, which I absolutely love, but I'm also doing a job that I love. I absolutely love. I'm also doing a job that I love, and I'm also parenting and co-parenting and everything else that that brings. And actually going slow is okay and easing into that, because that person next to me or next to you is probably also building a business, but they might have more money, more support, different working hours.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Yeah, they're a different age a housekeeper, a nanny, a cleaner like, etc etc.
Speaker 2:And actually you know it's it's about keep like staying in your own lane, isn't it that, actually, like this is where I am right now. This is the season, this is the chapter. It's not forever, it is just for right now. And I think one thing that's really helped me with building the business, especially over kind of the last year, is really having a focus of like this is the bit that I'm doing right now and I'm putting these bits in place so that then this bit's going to be easier in the long run and yes, it's going to take me some time, but ultimately in the long run that bit's going to be easier. I'm going to do this bit and then the other bits will just have to take a back seat for now and then it will that shift, you know that'll change, move to something else and for me that feels really good right now that actually I can ease into that. I guess intention of this is where I am.
Speaker 1:This is that chapter, this is that season and actually let's just run with that right now but what happened in between you being like burned out, workaholic, to like this, super grounded, very peaceful, oh gosh, you know, like, what, like, like. How did you teach yourself, or mean, is it self-taught? What did you do to sort of rewire these parts of you that so many of us relate to? Because saying like, oh yeah, I just needed to go slower and trust and, you know, stay in my lane, like all of that? I'm sure there's some moms who were like, yeah, some moms are like, yeah, I want that. And then some moms are like, like, I can't do that, like you know, like physically uncomfortable, thinking about slowing down when we all know, like we all know intrinsically like that that is what's necessary, that's super. What's necessary, however, it's a learned skill, it's like a muscle that needs to be, you know, worked and taught.
Speaker 1:And and I don't think our current society supports that type of messaging If we're not doing more, more, more and bigger, bigger, bigger and growing, growing, growing, then like, who are we in the world Right, instead of being in this other narrative of wow, I am really healthy, I'm really happy, I'm really fulfilled, I have my time belongs to me, my clients are aligned, my work fuels me and doesn't deplete me, like I'm getting good sleep. I'm not, you know, staying up all night worried about work. You know my hormones aren't totally dysregulated. You know there's so many other measuring sticks. You know of happy, healthy, whole as a mom and as a business owner. And yet we live in a society that's like six figures, seven figures, eight, you know, like more, like scale, grow. And you know it sounds kind of counterintuitive to what I'm doing right now because we are scaling and growing. But I'm scaling and growing made for others, so I can get away from one-on-one done for you marketing services, because done for you. Marketing services, because done for you marketing services is what absolutely depletes me as a creative and as a business owner.
Speaker 1:I know I'm in this like season of scaling because on the other side of it feels more spacious, because it is more truly aligned to who I am and what I want to be doing. And even though it's bigger, in one sense to me it feels smaller because it's not 20 clients and their marketing work and their deliverables. It's all like, just like my deliverable, you know. Does that make sense? Like it all is like within me. And so how to go from Emma the like 9 pm 9 pm, laptop burning the candle at both ends the house is on fire. Now, like emma, this like super, you guys can't see her, but this super zen, like you know uk goddess, who's like just dreamy with her accent telling us to slow down, and we're all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like. But how is that what you teach in your business? Now, is that like a good, perfect segue to like, this is what you do and this is how you teach people how to do this.
Speaker 2:people, I should say moms so the house was definitely on fire, that's. Let's start by saying that yeah, not literally on fire. There was no fire.
Speaker 1:No, I get it, but like we always talk about this candle, burning at both ends and it's like, well, at some point there's not going to be a candle left. Like that's just the burn. That's like the full burnout.
Speaker 2:So I think I completely hit that bottom of like I have to do something different now, and it actually came from a conversation with a coach that I was working with at the time who was helping me with my business. She was like you need to go and coach. Like you need to go and learn how to coach. Like you have the skills I mean you're already a teacher.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like already are kind of coaching I mean that's yeah yeah, so so transferable so she's like why don't you go and do some nlp? So neurolinguistic programming? And I went on the diploma like not really expecting very much, completely. What's the nlp? What is that? Nlp is all about modeling other people's behavior, like good behavior, so that then you can use kind of what you see to help you like change your behavior if you want. Like there's always a choice there. And it's about self-awareness. It's about essentially, like being able to operate from your best self. Yeah, so limiting beliefs, like removing those you're looking at your values like, and there's so many, like all the things I love.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, essentially it comes to like down to change work and modeling behavior that you know is really good practice, depending on, obviously, what you want. So I went on this course that my friend had been on previously. I was like, okay, like I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed learning, like even though I was teaching, I hadn't really been in that like actually being taught environment for a really long time and I was like I actually really enjoy this.
Speaker 1:That's kind of like missed being in school.
Speaker 2:A little bit like for yourself, yeah, yeah and kind of the, the learning that I took from that like really you know, and it is all learning and it is all you know, reminding yourself to do this and you know you described me as them before. That doesn't mean I don't shout at my daughter sometimes like I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. However, you know, learning those tools like absolutely transformed my life and they've made me feel so much more confident in who I was as a person and who you know who I could become essentially, and you know that eventually led me to like you know where I am now and that growing and developing is still not done like there's so much more that I want to do, that I want to figure out those tools ultimately, like they just transformed my life. And then the more NLP training I did and the more other coaching modality training I did, I was just like, oh my gosh. Like actually like what I want for my life is completely different to what I wanted five years ago.
Speaker 1:Oh, isn't that cool, so cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's just like it completely transformed everything about me and, yeah, it was an absolutely incredible experience and my life completely shifted. It's a completely different space now and because of that like transformation that I went on on, you know you have to make tough decisions if you want to, and I made some really hard decisions and, you know, made my life in a completely different direction, ultimately, like it's left me in a space where I feel so much more aligned and so, you know, happy, so so because you're still.
Speaker 1:you're still teaching and you're still running a business and you're still parenting. So, from the outside perspective, like from if, on paper, your plate is still really full and you're still juggling, right, and you're still, probably, from a time calendaring perspective, you're at max, right, like it's not. Like you're saying, oh my gosh, look at all this free time I have on my account, right? You know. However, the way that you approach it and your mindset and your something, something internally, is different. Yeah, because, from the outside, looking in, nothing really has changed in terms of like you're still doing a lot, right, but it's in the how you're doing. It is what I'm assuming, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to keep things as simple as possible. You know and that's not to say I get it all of the time, sure, like at all, like I'm human but we learn from those things that you know.
Speaker 2:We try and do better next time, and if we don't, we try again, and that's you know I, and try and do better next time and if we don't, we try again, and that's you know. I think the space that I'm in right now although, as you say, the plates are still spinning and sometimes it feels like they are going to drop you know, it's that kind of ease at which, actually, if I drop that plate, does it really?
Speaker 1:matter. Yeah, someone had just told me we were just talking and they were like once we learn, you know, that all the balls that we're juggling aren't glass and they're all plastic. Like it is such a game changer for our desire to keep every single ball in the air at all times. Or, like you know, the plates that we're spinning are actually just paper plates and that some of the balls actually are glass, like my son. My son is actually glass and I don't want to drop him Right. So it's his schedule and his needs.
Speaker 1:But the rest of the stuff is actually not that. I mean, it's important, but it's not like life or death, like ruining our adrenals and not sleeping life and death. So how do you work with moms who you relate to and you can see a lot of your own lived experience in and you're saying, well, it's just about keeping things simple, right. So in your actual work and in your coaching, do you have like a format or do you have like a guide, or you know basic sort of tips and tricks and you know pillars? I don't know how does this work and how? What are the women that you're coaching really working on in order to get from, you know, feeling burned out to feeling like they're experts in their own self-care, I guess so when I work with clients, it's always about looking at you know, what are those barriers first, like what is it that you are really struggling with?
Speaker 2:often like what we think we're struggling with, there's something else deeper under there, like, and so we can dig deep into that. You can start with the surface level stuff first and then dig deep.
Speaker 1:What's some examples of like some surface level stuff?
Speaker 2:So one of the things I've had come up a couple of times is like eating healthier. Yeah, what's the purpose of that? Like, why do we want to eat healthy? Like, what is that going to give us?
Speaker 1:Or just like nourishing, just eating in general. Yeah, yeah, taking time to eat as a mom yeah, like that's eat.
Speaker 2:Well, you know we're not doing 500 other things at the same time. Really, ultimately, with everything like that, it's let's break it down, like keep it simple, like what is it that is actually going to give you, and often it's energy, and like the ease of having meals ready, having things prepped and actually making sure that we're not stacking rubbish because we've not, I don't know, been to the shop or whatever and filled up cupboard. Now I am terrible for that, so I can give the support and I can help find, but I am terrible for making sure my cupboards are filled with good stuff.
Speaker 1:It's so hard.
Speaker 1:I mean, the grocery shopping alone is like no one prepares you, everyone prepares you for birth and no one prepares you for the like. Okay, now you have to prepare like three meals a day for the next 18 years and like we're constantly needing to go to the grocery. Like going to the grocery store is one of my least favorite things to do in the entire world. Like it is not joyful for me. And what's even worse is going to the grocery store with my husband because he's like super needs to have a list and I do not want to make a list. I want to just intuitively feel my way through the store and like that is the worst place for our marriage is trying to go to the grocery store with our two very different approaches to grocery shopping. Sometimes I don't know. Like we have costco, you know. Like you know big warehouse, and we'll have to like take turns to be like, okay, we're gonna go to costco and this costco trip is just like a mariah costco and then the next Costco trip will be, you know, my husband's Costco trip with the with the map and the like the list, you know. So we kind of have to like take turns because you, you know we all deserve to grocery shop the way we need to, but yes.
Speaker 1:So what you're talking about, though, is like the most common mom experience, parent, family experience, which is just this well, you're not eating, because there's constantly things that we need to do. We are just riddled in tasks. So it's like, sure, I'd love to go and make a super healthy lunch, but then when I go to the fridge, oh my gosh, we're out of everything. And then my brain gets inundated with oh my gosh, I should make a grocery list. And we got to go and dah, dah, dah, dah. I better order the groceries. It's like why am I the only one ordering the groceries? How come no one else is ordering groceries? And it's like this whole, it's a whole domino effect of like, of the mental load right, of the mental load of motherhood, which is so real. God it's so real.
Speaker 1:I have like a little tiny micro headache starting right here, just like being in this conversation of, like, the never-ending tasks of mother it doesn't end, does it?
Speaker 2:and then you know you've got someone being like, oh, you need to take care of yourself, you need to. And you're like, oh, wait a minute, I but there's everything else that needs to happen too, and I think that's where you know a lot of the stuff I do my clients. Yes, we're talking about meal planning or we're talking about whatever, and actually, when you really break it down, it's about taking care of ourselves, but in a way that works for us, not the person next door, the other mums on the school run, the person that you see on social media. It's about you. And often when we think about self-care, it comes with all of those preconceptions, doesn't it? All of that pressure, all of those extra expectations, and actually let's just keep it simple, because the more that we add to our to-do list like that, time for us is just dropping to the bottom.
Speaker 2:You know there's other things, yeah, there's other things that are always going to take priority. And I think you know, when we talk about self-care, it is that buzzword and I was actually asked in a previous podcast I recorded with someone else. She was like what do you hate about that word? And I was like I actually hate the word itself and the reason that I dislike it is because it comes with all of that other stuff attached to it that we have to wade through before we even get to actually taking care of ourselves.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, yes, A hundred percent. I also do not like the word self-care and I find it to be really kind of triggering because here you are, you're telling these moms like you have self-care, and it's like I'm sure they're sitting there like how Like how do I make it work?
Speaker 1:Where Like, okay, cool, can someone plan all of my self-care for me? Can someone take care of the kids? Can someone go do? Like, in order for me to go do something for myself, I have to coordinate like three or four different things to make sure that all of those plastic, you know, blades or balls don't fall, but also the glass ball. The glass ball, my son, right? So perfect example.
Speaker 1:My husband's traveling right now. He travels like a gazillion days a year and he's like wants me to go take my son to my mother-in-law's house so my son can go have like a sleepover at grandma's. And he's like won't it be so great? You'll have the house to yourself for like two days. And yes, yes, it sounds great. And then I'm just sitting here like thinking I have to do so many things in order to make that happen. And then the little like mental load part of me is wait, but I don't want him to miss soccer practice on Saturday morning because it's only his second soccer practice and he kind of had a hard time in his first soccer practice because it's this very first sport he's two years old, so you know there were a lot of fussy tears Like he didn't understand what was going on. So I was like we have to be really consistent. So he knows that this is like fun and he's into it and he remembers it.
Speaker 1:And I was like gosh, it's only the second weekend, I don't want to miss it. And so I'm like, well, maybe I'll just go over there and I'll drop him off and then I'll go just do the day for myself and then I'll go over to their house and pick him up early in the morning. Oh wait, but they're going to go to like my niece's swim practice and that's pick him up at like 6 am, which means I'd have to leave here at 5.30 am. And I'm like, in what hot green earth is this looking like self-care for me? Like I'm going to go over there, I'm going to get up at 4.45 on Saturday morning so I can have time to myself, you know.
Speaker 1:But I mean, it's not like, that's such a that's such a over-detailed example. However, I feel like every single mom can come up with an example just like that, the audacity, right. Just I'm like. I'm like how can someone just can't come over here and like hang out with henry so I can just go I don't know for a walk by myself or something, I don't know. Anyways, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 2:But it's true, isn't it? Because, you know, we often think about self-care or we're told, let's say, that self-care actually should be this massive pocket of time, which is wonderful, like, don't get me wrong, but it's amazing if you're able to have that. Which is wonderful, like, don't get me wrong, that is amazing if you're able to have that. However, you know, for most of us, on a daily basis, actually probably any more than a couple of minutes is not going to be achievable. And so by saying, you know, and I would, I never attach these things to self-care, but I know that a lot of people do so, like spa days, bubble bath, getting your nails done. You know, those things are all lovely, like, don't get me wrong, I would actually love a spa day.
Speaker 1:They're so surface, though they're so surface. Yeah, they are lovely, they're super lovely, but they're not. They're like little band-aids on a gushing leg amputation.
Speaker 2:And they're also not achievable every day. And that's the thing, like you know, if you could go and have a spa day every day, I mean wonderful, but I think for me I would get pretty bored of spa days, every day, and we would be wildly broke, we would.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And so when we think about self-care, you know it shouldn't be anything that is really adding to what we're doing, like if it's something that we are able to add in every day around what we're already doing and it's simple, it's easy, it's fun, doesn't cost us anything like how much more achievable is that to actually nourish ourselves? Because when we think about self-care, actually what we're doing, you know we have our energy fuel tank and what we're doing is we're topping that up, like we fill our car up, like we charge our phone or laptop, etc. We're just topping it up and we're keeping it topped up oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that like visual of like we're not getting to empty and then booking like a spa day, thinking a spa day.
Speaker 1:You know, it's like when you're a new mom and people are like, well, just nap, and it's like I couldn't. I could take a hundred naps and never feel. You know, yeah, anyways, yeah, but it's true, isn't it? It almost feels like micro self-care, like that feels really like that feels achievable. You know, I love this. You know that same thing with. I saw this. This is so stupid, but maybe it's not.
Speaker 1:My son takes the longest baths. It kind of is one of those things where I kind of hate bath time because they're just so long and he's at the age where I need to be in the bathroom with him, like you know, like he's probably okay, but, like you know, it only takes a second for something bad to happen, right? So my husband and I we like rotate in and out and I find a lot of reasons to like swap into my husband and then I just disappear and I usually go take a shower and, like you know, let him do that. I like kind of bait and switch the bath time, like pretty much every night. However, I was like you know what I should do. I should find these like exercises that I can do in the bathroom with like no weights that I could just do, like at the sink of. Like maybe there's like yoga poses or like stretches or something. But you know, what I started doing is I got I bought myself like a, really so, anyways, I was laughing because I Googled these like bathroom workouts, you know, but it was written by a mom who was a fitness coach who knew exactly what I was talking about Like trapped in the bathroom while your son's taking a bath, like no weight exercises you can do while you're standing at a sink. But then it like it morphed into this other really cool thing and I feel like you will really appreciate this, because maybe this is what you're talking about. Like, maybe I'm already doing what you're talking about, but I didn't realize it.
Speaker 1:I love this girl, claire O'Brien. She was on the podcast, she's a nurse practitioner and an esthetician and she got me hooked on this dermatology line and it's like a really nice face products and it's pretty natural I mean not natural, it's medical grade, but it's not with a bunch of filler, and so I like that. But I got this anyways overly detailed. I got this really awesome pumpkin enzyme mask and I love it and it's warming and it's exfoliating.
Speaker 1:And so three times a week or something, when my son's taking a bath, I will just do this full mini facial situation with him and he always laughs so much because all of a sudden my face is all white from the mask. But I will sit there and I will like I'll wash my face, I'll like scrub, I'll do like this, it's like a warming mask. I'll you know like I'll do all sorts of like funny little things in the bathroom and I do leave those particular like bath time circuses that I usually don't like. I do leave them feeling better, like I did do something for myself, like while I was in there anyways. So I don't like I do leave them feeling better, like I did do something for myself, like while I was in there anyways. So I don't know if that counts, but if that's like kind of what you're talking about, but kind of making something that would stress me out, there's like a little ritual now I have you know, along with like the calf raises and the like squats, anyways you are doing it.
Speaker 2:You are doing it because, actually, when we think about self-care, like if we can add it to what we're already doing, which is what you're doing, like you're not, then you know being like I need to exercise, but my kids need this actually the kids in the bath.
Speaker 1:They're contained in that environment, like it's so happy way to talk about it, but no, he's not you know, my son is my son is needs to be contained.
Speaker 2:He's two yeah yes, he's a little feral, yeah he's there, he's doing a thing, and then you are also doing the thing that you need to do, a to make that situation more enjoyable for yourself and also nourishing yourself at the same time. I mean, what? What could be better? And you know self-care, I think people often you know, I've been, I've done this stuff on my own, I've done this, I've done that and actually we can do it with our kids around, we can do it with our partners, with our friends, etc. It doesn't have to be something that we do just on our own. Let's make it as simple and as easy in what we are already doing.
Speaker 2:So if, for example, you were doing the washing, you were folding the washing, do the laundry or whatever, like stick some music on and have dance while you're doing it, like you're moving your body, maybe you're singing, maybe you're listening to your favorite tracks or a podcast or an audio book, like try it and just notice the difference that that makes, because actually that is going to fill us up, and then ultimately, we feel more nourished, we feel more resourced. And so when we're tackling those difficult situations or we're going into something that maybe we feel a bit anxious or stressed about, like we're going to feel so much better because we are feeling really good in ourselves. You know, if we think about how, when our child maybe gets upset or they don't do what we've asked them to do, and actually maybe our first response is to get really impatient and maybe we start to raise our voice a little bit like notice the difference, when you are resourced and you've done something for yourself, how you respond to that situation. Because actually I know I do it if I'm not resourced.
Speaker 2:I did it yesterday. I was really not resourced at all and bedtime was terrible. Didn't want to go to sleep. It took two hours to do bedtime and yeah, you know hard for you?
Speaker 2:yeah, you can feel more and more irate and I'm just like and actually if I'd done something for myself, or even if I'd just taken myself out of that situation for a couple of minutes, taken some deep breaths, gone back in, would have made a massive difference to how I handled that situation. So when we think about self-care, you're absolutely right in what you're doing. Just those really simple micro moments that actually bring so much nourishment, so much support and add fuel to that energy tank.
Speaker 1:I love that. What are some other examples? I love this, like really simple examples, like so obviously I'm having a spa day in the bath with my, when my son's taking a bath, and I love this like dance party with laundry, right, or like you know you mentioned like deep breaths and you know things like that. But what are some other really practical examples that you give your clients that for moms who are listening, could be like oh yeah, I could maybe incorporate that.
Speaker 2:So I think often a lot of my clients. They like to read and perhaps before becoming a mom they would read a lot in an evening before going to bed and perhaps even now. Reading a page or whatever is really unachievable. So why don't we just put an audiobook on? Let's just change it up, like there's no rule that says you have to sit and read a chapter, you have to sit and read the full book, even if it is just for that month or for a couple of months. Or for that book, yeah. Or for that book, yeah. Just put an audiobook on and I think it's how we change things up. I absolutely love journaling and a lot of people like, oh no, I don't want to journal.
Speaker 2:I don't want to write like I love journaling, yeah right, and actually how do you add that into what you're already doing? So I started journaling again over Christmas and obviously that was okay. I could get up in the morning. I was off work. You know, there was no kind of real routine in a morning for you know, for a number of days and actually that was dead easy. I could just do it first thing in the morning and then I go back to work, to my teaching job, school run.
Speaker 2:And actually getting up and doing it while I'm trying to get my daughter ready, myself ready and us all out of the house by half a seven is not achievable. So I switched that routine up and now I do that when I get to work. So I've done the morning drop off and I get my brew when I get to work and I just spend two minutes, no more. Two minutes set some intentions for the day, maybe reflect on the previous day and that's it. But I have that kind of now that different morning routine. Actually I can have the rushed in the morning, but I don't need to bring that into the next part of my day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that frantic energy I can just sit and just calm breathing is, you know, absolutely incredible. So even just taking like five deep breaths, maybe while we're brewing the kettle or we're making tea, or before we get out of the car to go and pick the kids up from school, or before we pick them up from their school activity, or even in those more difficult situations where we're finding things challenging, let's just stop because there's no rule book that actually says we need to respond straight away. Let's just take a couple of deep breaths and then respond, and all of those things are things that we can do with our kids as well. And ultimately, you know, if we think about self-care and what we maybe want to instill in our children, we want them to see the importance of caring for themselves and putting themselves first and actually meeting their needs is important, and so if we can teach them those skills as well, that is also incredible to role model that behavior to them.
Speaker 2:Um, I was talking to my daughter, who obviously at six there's not really any detail like she doesn't really understand properly. Yet we were talking about me going to the gym, um, and obviously I'm very fortunate, you know, because of co-parenting, I don't have her, you know, a couple of mornings a week and I can have that time to go. And we were talking about like, what does mummy do for self-care? And she's like, when we go to the gym, I was like so well, when we go to the gym, is she a better mummy?
Speaker 2:and she was like yes, and it was just like like absolute, like yes, mummy, you need to go to the gym, like it makes a difference, and her response was like yeah, actually, like she's seeing the difference that that's making and how I show up for her and for myself. And you know, it doesn't have to be going to the gym like doing any of those other simple things that I've said. Um will make a massive difference and you will notice it, your children will notice it and the people around you will notice it as well.
Speaker 1:I love it. So how can people work with you if they're listening and they're just like, yes, yes, Emma, more we want more of this. So how can people work with you? Where can they find you, like how? How does that work?
Speaker 2:so I'm over on Instagram and Facebook at emmabenyoncoach and I share a lot of simple self-care practices and tools and everything else over on there. I over on the website wwwemmabenyoncoachingcouk. There's a free resources. There is links to the coaching packages that I offer for busy moms, because that is ultimately who I work with. You know we need to keep things simple, so my coaching packages are just that as well, and not just on video call. I offer coaching via voice note and messages as well, so that we can fit it into our business. Yeah, I do that over on Foxer.
Speaker 1:It's like so great, can fit it into our business. Yeah, I do that over on foxer.
Speaker 2:It's like so great yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? And actually it just gives that flexibility and accessibility that you know we might not find as busy moms sat in a zoom call for the kids and whatever the distractions there are it just, yeah, it's, it's a game changer, isn't it? There's also some on-demand courses on there as well. So, again, let's make things simple and keep it accessible so that we don't have to if we don't want to join a live call or workshop and there's some free resources on there as well or you can listen to me over on my self-care and motherhood edit podcast too.
Speaker 1:Yes, we will link all of it into the show notes, 100%, and if you were listening today and you had any ahas, definitely go send Emma a DM on Instagram and let her know that you found her through the Made for Mothers podcast, and this was just such a fun and enriching conversation of just making something that we all struggle with so deeply and intimately sort of light and funny and more human, you know. And, yeah, accessible I think that that's like the word that keeps popping up is how do we make self-care accessible instead of this thing that we have to coordinate?
Speaker 1:all of these things you don't have to wake up at 4, 45 o'clock in the morning to do it um well, emma, it was so lovely having you on today. It was so lovely meeting you and I can't wait to just follow along and support you. However, you know the made from others universe. Can Any last words of encouragement for our busy moms out there in the world?
Speaker 2:Just keep it simple. Wherever you start with anything that we've talked about, just keep it nice and simple because ultimately, that's where the most benefit is going to be.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. Well, thank you for being here, thank you for sharing your time and your wisdom and your energy, and thank you for listening to another episode of the Made for Mothers podcast. If you like what you heard, rate, subscribe, share, follow Emma, do all the things, click all the links. Do all the stuff that you know to do in the podcast world, and we will talk to you soon. You know to do in the podcast world, and we will talk to you soon. Yay, you just finished another episode of the made for mothers podcast.
Speaker 1:As always, you can find more details about today's show in the show notes and be sure to give us a review. Subscribe so you don't miss a chance to grow your biz from fellow moms. Are you wanting more one on one support, or are you looking to learn how to market your business in a way so you can spend more time with your family and less time stressing about what to do next? Then follow along on Instagram at Mariah Stockman, or book a one-on-one biz therapy session with yours truly, and let's find that work-mama-hood harmony we all deserve. Until next time. This is your host, mariah Stock, and thank you so much for tuning in.