SHOWNOTES
EPISODE 5: FEAR
In today’s episode of the Jenni Carroll Perspective, the exploration of fear takes center stage. Our discussion delves deep into the intricate layers of fear, a pervasive but often unnoticed aspect of our lives; one that significantly influences our choices and path.
As we go about making the decisions that shape our lives, we are influenced in both positive and negative ways. Constructive motivators include goals, interests and responsibilities, and we often make choices that are in alignment with these values. However, we also are motivated by worry, anxiety, and other negative emotion. Underneath all of these adverse feelings is the existence of fear.
No matter who we are, our unique personality or path in life, fear is an influence in our lives. The extent to which we allow fear to motivate us has a lot to do with how aware we are of its presence and whether or not we are willing to confront it.
Fear manifests in various ways, from common (conscious) worries to subconscious beliefs about change and loss. Our deepest unconscious fears involve the inaccurate presumption of scarcity and separateness. While full understanding of these concepts can be difficult, it is important to be aware that fear is at the source.
Perhaps the most striking aspect of fear is its skillful concealment beneath emotions such as anger, resentment and sadness. We discuss the importance of identifying and retracing our feelings to uncover the subtle fears ultimately steering the choices and behaviors that shape our lives.
When we are not aware of the fear we carry, we often respond to our environment in various dysfunctional ways. All of these strategies have the unfortunate effect of creating other forms of negativity. Perhaps the greatest consequence of fear is that it keeps us from making authentic decisions and ultimately gets in the way of our purpose.
Thankfully, we do have the ability to liberate ourselves from fear's grip. Confronting fear head-on weakens its hold and exposes its vulnerabilities. Of course, this confrontation should be an intelligent and healthy approach to personal growth and liberation, rather than recklessness.
The principles of Intrinsic Worth and Primary Awareness support us in overcoming fear. When we are aligned with our Intrinsic Worth, we are better able to renounce the fear we hold. Developing a strong connection to our Primary Awareness aids us in finding clarity where fear has confused us.
Getting over our “fear of fear” is a big part of changing our perspective and returning control to our highest and most authentic selves. Tune in to this important episode to better understand the fear keeping you from your greatest well-being and authentic path.
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the information presented in today's discussion, please consider subscribing to the Jenni Carroll Perspective.
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Hello and welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. We have an important topic to discuss today, but I’ll admit, it is one that isn’t always much fun to talk about. But because it is something that affects each of us in significant ways, we will forge ahead...
If you would, take a moment and think about the idea of motivation. What motivates you? Is it a goal? A desire or dream? Is it an outcome you hope to achieve? When we think about what motivates us, we usually first think in positive terms... the underlying energy or desire that encourages us to do all the good things that we should do OR avoid doing all the things we know we shouldn’t. But, in addition to whatever positively motivates us, there is another element that also motivates us in a negative way. That negative motivator is fear and fear is our topic today.
So no matter who we are, our unique personality or path in life, fear is an influence in our lives. The extent to which we allow fear to motivate us has a lot to do with how aware we are of its presence and whether or not we are willing to confront it.
When we first think of what we fear, we tend to identify our worries or anxieties or, for some of us, our phobias. We could probably write a short list of things we know we fear: things like spiders, rollercoasters, flying, getting sick or our children being hurt. Then, if we consider a little more deeply we might identify fear around change (changing jobs, moving... to a new state or just across town, or even a different or strange experience that makes us uncomfortable). Finally, if we keep going, we might even be able to identify fear around loss (the ending of a relationship, the loss of money or financial well-being, or the loss of life - our loved ones or our own).
These are all real fears, but they are also conscious fears. While we are not necessarily always thinking about them, it also isn’t that hard to find them if we look.
But the truth is we carry a lot more fear than we realize... and much of that fear is unconscious. Whether we realize it or not, fear is driving any experience where we are confused, paralyzed, rageful, indignant, resentful, dejected, or depressed. In fact, fear can be found under any negative thought, feeling, behavior or choice.
Fear is also really great at being inconspicuous. We can often find it quietly existing behind other negative thoughts or feelings that seem practical, appropriate and even justified. BUT, if we persistently follow the queue long enough, we will find fear silently waiting at the end.
Alright so we all have fear. And, fear motivates us at times. This isn’t exactly a revolutionary idea. Why do we need to be so concerned?
When we are not aware of the fear we carry, we often respond to our environment in various dysfunctional ways. All of which are an attempt to protect ourselves, but often have the paradoxical effect of creating other forms of negativity. And perhaps the greatest problem with our attempt to circumvent what we fear, is that it keeps us from our authenticity, which inhibits our path to healing and growth and ultimately gets in the way of our purpose.
So, a simpler way to understand it - is that we generally choose to deal with fear by avoiding the things that are connected to it. Whether we are talking about conscious fears or unconscious fears, our consistent response is to AVOID.
When fears are conscious we may make decisions that allow us to avoid what we fear. If the fears are unconscious then our decisions are being motivated by an unconscious desire to avoid or keep buried what are our deepest fears. In both cases, we are making decisions that are neither thoughtful nor aligned with our authentic needs and authentic purpose. Instead, our decisions are basically hijacked by the powerful desire to avoid what is uncomfortable, scary or deeply triggering.
When we avoid fear, we empower fear. And, this part is important: what we avoid not only doesn’t go away, but allows the fear to grow exponentially. For example, if we avoid an activity that we lightly fear, such as driving on a freeway, getting on an airplane, being the lead on a project at work, engaging in a particular social situation.... and we choose to avoid that activity, find an excuse to not put ourselves in that position... then the next time that situation arises in our life, our level of fear will be greater and our desire to avoid the situation will be stronger. It is easy to see how this cycle could snowball until the very thought of a certain fearful situation brings on a sense of panic. This cycle also sheds light on severe anxiety and how people end up finding themselves living in a way that is completely disconnected from their authentic selves. Agoraphobia is a great illustration of this. Individuals struggling with this disorder find themselves so beholden to their fear of the outside world, that they are no longer able to lives their lives because they aren’t able to leave their homes.
So, yes you may be thinking. I can understand that. But, I personally am not avoiding any fear that is keeping me from living my life. And absolutely. While never leaving your home is a clear and extreme example of fear taking control of someone’s choices, most people don’t experience the control of fear so overtly.
In the case of agoraphobia and many other conscious fears, a person is concerned with the external world. They avoid fear by enacting intense control over their environment. But, that is not the only way fear manifests. In some cases, fear is experienced much more subtly, but is nevertheless still impactful. From the outside, it may look like a person is living well, functioning appropriately. But, on the inside they are disconnected...numb....and preventing themselves from making authentic choices that support who they really are, because they are avoiding something in their lives that is connected to a scary, negative feeling or situation or experience that holds deep fear.
.Maybe you have heard about someone who experienced concerning physical symptoms, but avoided getting medical help for fear of having a serious illness or disease. Other more subtle examples are cases where a person is not happy with something in their life - their job, their relationship, or even their own behavior, but find themselves disconnected, essentially ignoring their feelings and denying the reality of what they know to be true. In these cases, the avoidance of what they most deeply fear keeps them stuck, paralyzed in a bad situation because doing anything differently would result in facing something that feels overwhelming, impossible or devastating...fear.
No matter how fear is manifesting in someone’s life, the remedy (fortunately or unfortunately) is always the same. Which, is to exploit it - face it head on - uncover its weakness by shining a bright light over it. Exploiting fear decreases its control and almost always, we find the strength to confront what we thought we couldn’t, realizing that the task is not as hard as we first thought.
Now just to clarify, confronting fear doesn’t mean one should make unhealthy or thoughtless decisions. This is not a pass to take a dangerous or meaningless risk, and if you are experiencing such an idea, it is likely a coping strategy to avoid addressing the real, deeper fear that exists.
Unaddressed fear is related to so many of the mental health conditions we face today. Anxiety is an epidemic and depression is not far behind. Depression often follows anxiety because anxiety (just a manifestation of fear) keeps us from making authentic choices. When our decisions and behaviors aren’t in alignment with our true selves or our authentic purpose, depression has the perfect opportunity to emerge.
Both depression and anxiety are related to unmanaged fear. And, let me be clear, I’m not discounting the physiological component of these mental health conditions. However, as we are realizing more and more - our mental health is connected to our physical health. Likewise, our mental and physical health are connected to our spiritual health. Is it possible for spiritual wounds to affect both our physical and psychological selves? The answer is yes (100%)
Why is fear such a powerful force in our lives? Why does it even exist? A big part of this answer is the reality of our human existence. We are here to learn and grow but not to control.
While we have influence over many aspects of our lives and certainly how we choose to react to the situations and experiences that are put in front of us, the reality is that we are limited in what we get to have control over. Our daily lives are filled with situations that we didn’t anticipate. Didn’t ask for. Didn’t plan for. Yet, situations that we still need to react to and deal with. This reality of the human existence creates varying levels of uneasiness, anxiety, and fear. But, it is meant to be this way because this is where we learn, grow and heal.
Our lack of control creates an unconscious need to fight for what is ours. To some degree, we all (consciously or not) embrace the concept of scarcity... meaning we wrongly assume that there is only so much good in the world (money, belongings, space, love, happiness) etc. Because we believe there to be only a limited amount of the things we want and need, we believe we must “fight” or “wrestle” for what is ours, or we will suffer. This competitive mindset is contrary to our true selves and results in generating stress and guilt and ultimately creates more fear.
Scarcity is connected to a spiritual wounding and the notion that we are separate from one another. And as a result we tend to define ourselves in terms of boundaries around our individuality. These boundaries serve to protect our identity - on an unconscious level. So a negative cycle is created... we must protect our own interests or potentially lose our SELF, but hidden in the facade of fictious control and self-protection, we remain rooted in fear, disconnected from our actual power. A person at war cannot be at peace, and when we are at war with everything that we fear, we are unable to access well-being.
In our deepest psyche, we hold guilt for all of our mistakes and shortcomings, assuming there are inevitable negative consequences for all of our errors including our desire to prioritize our own needs over others. In other words, we are protecting ourselves from something we already know is a losing battle. Yet, we continue on - with fear as our leader.
The ideas of separateness and scarcity as fallacies are understandably hard to completely embrace. And yes, we are living as separate human individuals, and as such need to care for ourselves and support ourselves in our unique journey. And even if you find yourself far from embracing the idea of life without separateness or scarcity, it is nevertheless important to be aware that it is fear motivating us. Fear that is merely an obstacle to be overcome and while it appears to be helpful, is really only hurting us - by keeping us from doing the things that we are meant to do both for our human lives and for the healing of our soul.
There is a way to both manage fear and make choices based on our authentic needs rather than the avoidance of pain. It starts with our perception. We must be willing to become aware of the fear we carry. We must change our attitude from avoidance to confrontation. Because when we do, we release both the energy and the influence of the fear.
This is where Intrinsic Worth comes into play again. When we are not in alignment with our Intrinsic Worth then we allow fear to control us. We give away our power directly to the fears we carry, finding ourselves caught in the paradox of creating the very negativity we are seeking to avoid. In fact, we often manifest what we fear by the beliefs we hold close. Replacing fear with love and forgiveness opens the path to living the life we truly want to live.
In addition to being aligned with our Intrinsic Worth, developing a strong connection to our Primary Awareness is also very important in this process. Primary Awareness is the knowing part of ourselves, the part that only observes the thoughts and feelings of the thinking brain rather than merging with them. This knowing part of us is sometimes understood as our highest self, a “behind the scenes director” offering us wisdom and guidance when requested. Expanding our relationship with this part of us is a vital avenue to discovering our Intrinsic Worth and also offers us clarity around our authentic needs - shedding light where fear has confused us.
Regardless of our unique purpose in life, our shared purpose is love. The antithesis to love is not hate. It is fear. It’s been said it is impossible to change what we don’t acknowledge, and this is never truer in the case of fear. Getting past our fear of fear is something that would benefit us all. We can do this by bringing courageous awareness to the powerful psychological underbelly of all that drives us - our thoughts, our feelings, our belief systems, our choices, our behaviors, and our actions. Only then can we thoughtfully and intelligently evaluate our lives and forge ahead on the path we need to follow.
My loving suggestion is to practice “peeling back” the layers that hide fear. When you find yourself avoiding OR experiencing consistent negative emotion (anger, guilt, shame), ask yourself what is underneath the feeling or behavior, and underneath that, and so on until you find the fear. If you are willing to go deep enough you will find it.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope something in this discussion on fear was helpful or meaningful to you.
You are light. You are love.
