Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. In today’s episode we are going to explore another part of us that holds an incredible amount of influence over both how we experience life and also what we experience in life. The part of us that holds so much power is our thoughts. While we have heard it said that “thoughts become things” rarely do we fully understand and appreciate the extensive power within our thinking brain and how thoughts ultimately shape our reality.
Thoughts are always influenced by our experiences, our emotions and our belief systems, and as a result they are never neutral. Sometimes thoughts reflect a momentary influx of feeling and are not representative of what we believe to be true. Other times, thoughts reflect deeper belief systems that are exactly what we believe to be true at our most foundational level. While we should always “hold loosely” to our thoughts, it is nevertheless important to pay attention to the types of thoughts we have, especially patterns that emerge. If we notice consistently negative thoughts, then we must decide whether or not we want to continue to adhere to the belief systems that are the source.
Every loving thought is true, and every other thought is an appeal for healing. Understanding this truth encourages us to explore the pain and fear that motivates unloving, negative thoughts.
Many of us ascribe to the superstitious belief that if we assume the best, we will be disappointed. And if we anticipate the bad, then we will somehow avoid what we most fear - loss, death and pain. Many of us also default to self-critical, judgmental, negative thinking. Here too we are superstitious, believing that without the constant self-deprecation, we may become selfish, egoistic or “a failure.”
Our negative, critical voice speaks only to the disconnection we have from our Intrinsic Worth. It does not in any way serve us, but only prevents us from experiencing life in an easier, more extraordinary way.
Understanding the driving force behind our negative thoughts helps us to choose differently. Exploring our deeper belief systems, including how we view ourselves, our purpose and the world around us is the first step. Ultimately, we must decide whether or not we want to continue to adhere to beliefs that cause us confusion, frustration and angst. We always have the opportunity to reject negative thoughts, replacing them with new ways of thinking that more accurately reflect our goals, our needs, and our worth.
There are foundational spiritual principles that will positively inform our thinking. Truths such as Intrinsic Worth, Psychological Separation and Persistent Forgiveness will support us in developing belief systems to manifest the very thoughts that will reflect our truest, kindest, most authentic selves.
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Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. In our last episode we discussed the truth about emotions and how the specific relationship we have with our feelings directly impacts the way we experience life. Today we are going to talk about another part of us that has an incredible amount of influence over not only how we experience our lives, but actually WHAT we experience as well. And that part is our thoughts. You may have heard it said before that “thoughts become things” and this is so very true. Yet, I don’t think most of us REALLY buy into the idea that what we choose to “think” or believe truly has the power to manifest and change the course of our lives. That instead, we are just sort of destined to experience whatever the universe has in store for us. And while I won’t argue that we are here to be challenged and to be pushed to learn, to heal and grow, the truth is that the types of challenges we face and certainly the scale and magnitude of those challenges has everything to do with what we believe to be true about ourselves and also the world around us. And what we most believe to be true will invariably find its way into our thoughts.
Thoughts are not neutral. They are colored by feelings, experiences and most importantly, our belief systems. Our thoughts often reflect what we most deeply believe to be true, even if we aren’t consciously aware of what those beliefs actually are. But, there are also times when thoughts reflect a momentary feeling or reaction and are not necessarily representative of deeper beliefs. For example, if we are angry with someone close to us, we may have unkind, negative thoughts that reflect the intensity of the feelings we are having in that moment. Sooner or later, when the feelings pass, the thoughts also change, and we realize that those earlier thoughts were exaggerated or perhaps even completely off base. So, just like having a healthy relationship with our feelings, we must hold loosely to our thoughts, understanding that they don’t always reflect the truth - neither an objective truth outside of us, nor even our own personal truth.
But even though we all have unreasonable or legitimately crazy thoughts at times, and we are aware that all thoughts are certainly not grounded in truth, it is still incredibly important to pay attention to the types of thoughts we have and in particular, to watch out for thought patterns that are consistently negative. If we notice that our first or frequent response is to place blame, assign a negative motivation to someone or something, or assume the worst, then there is evidence of deeper belief systems at play. An interesting place to notice this is when you are driving. One of the reasons why this is such a good experiment is that we have no direct relationship with the other drivers on the road. Other people in other cars become the “world at large” and the thoughts we have representative of the way we understand and process our external world. Next time you are in the car, notice your thoughts in reaction to what other people do or don’t do. What thoughts develop when you don’t approve of their actions? What motivations or characteristics do you assign them? Do you notice that these thoughts are just a momentary reflection of your own emotional state (perhaps you are late for an appointment) or maybe you have a sense that your negative thoughts are substantiated and grounded in truth?
Okay, so what if the answer is yes? There ARE a lot of negative thoughts and maybe I process the world in a consistently negative way. Why does this matter?
Some of us might argue that it is an intelligent choice to be a “realist” ... the world is full of strife and conflict and negativity and to think otherwise would simply be naive. Of course, there is no arguing there is conflict and strife in the world around us, but the point is - that it is AROUND us, it doesn’t have to be IN us... AND it also doesn’t have to define what we experience.
Where we place our attention matters. When we focus our attention consistently on what we don’t like, on what we see as the failings of others or of ourselves, assuming that even more “bad” is to come, then THAT is exactly what we experience. Our thoughts serve to focus our attention. So, if we want to place our attention on what is good, what is positive, what is hopeful, loving and kind.... our thoughts must reflect this intention.
Here is a foundational truth although it may be hard to fully accept: Every loving thought is true. Every other thought is an appeal for healing. I’ll say that again. Every loving thought is true, in other words, it reflects our most authentic selves. So the next time you notice a kind loving thought, know that it is coming from the deepest, truest part of yourself. Every other thought is an appeal, a cry for healing, for help. Negative, unkind, unloving thoughts are simply a reflection of our own pain and the desire to somehow alleviate our suffering. Even if you feel a little skeptical of this principle, try looking at your thoughts through this lens. See what you reveal.
One of the major factors keeping us stuck in negative thinking is the superstitious belief that many of us ascribe to. This is the belief that we shouldn’t assume good things will happen, because we most certainly will be disappointed. I know I have been guilty of defaulting to this idea in the past. This tendency is very much connected to fear and our natural desire for control. Because in our deepest unconscious, we fear what we believe to be the worst - death, loss, pain and suffering. We mistakenly believe that we can somehow avoid these terrible outcomes by anticipating bad things, so that the really bad things don’t happen. Yet, when we really think about it, most of us would agree that the theory doesn’t make a lot of sense. Have you ever honestly thought about why you aren’t comfortable assuming the best is in store? Believing that you are destined for blessings and joy? The next time you notice your worrisome, grim, negative thoughts, ask yourself “What am I so afraid of?”
So how we think about others and the world around us is one important piece of how thoughts influence our experience. The other, is the thoughts we have about ourselves. So many of us can relate to the judgy chirping voice in our heads that consistently voices our negative self-beliefs. Many of us trust that while unpleasant, this critical voice is grounded in truth and accurately reflects our own shortcomings. Furthermore, I find that many people believe that consistent self-deprecation serves to keep them on the straight and narrow. Without a constant reminder of my failures, I might become a bad person - conceited, egoistic or selfish. OR, I might choose not to try so hard, become bad at what I do, lose my drive for success, my life will probably just fall apart. Kind of ridiculous when you really think about it but yet such a common fear.
The reality is that our negative, critical voice is only a reflection of the disconnection we have with our Intrinsic Worth. We might think that it is serving some greater purpose, but it is not. A negative sense of self is not only NOT in ANY WAY necessary to being good or finding success, it actually is a huge obstacle to the very experience we all desire - a life that is easier and more joyful. If we give ourselves permission to accept our Intrinsic Worth, the innate value present from birth which is not dependent on who we are or what we do, we offer ourselves the ability to quiet that negative voice. We give ourselves the opportunity to expect the best. When we expect the best, we create the best. It really is that simple and that foundational. When we accept the foundational truth of Intrinsic Worth, it isn’t that our work here is done... we continue on our journey to nurture self-healing and growth, but the path becomes less exhausting, less uphill. We begin to find necessary clarity around the choices we need to make. Our decisions become authentic, purposeful, positive. And easier.
So how do we get there? How do we free ourselves from a persistent negative thought cycle that continues to influence our life in damaging ways? I believe there are three aspects of this process to really consider.
First, in order to change our thoughts we must understand what is driving them. We need to consider the underlying beliefs that we hold onto. At our deepest level, what do we think is true? What is our individual purpose? Our shared purpose? Are we separate or connected? Is it possible to be safe, to be loved to be whole? Do we deserve what is good? Do we deserve to have our deepest needs and wants fulfilled? Are we worthy? Should we trust others? Ourselves? Are others inherently good or bad? Is it possible to live an easy, joyful life? What fears are connected to our beliefs? What painful experiences have we had that may have influenced our beliefs? Have these experiences given us the whole story, or just created an emotional response that has clouded our perspective?
At some point we must thoughtfully and consciously decide if our current belief system is what we want to be running our lives. Okay, this is important, if the bigger part of you wants (or more accurately is too scared to not) adhere to your current belief system, you will continue to see life through this lens. But, if there is a part of you that is willing to let go of the old narrative and begin to see and experience life differently, it is 100% possible. And if you notice that you do have an array of negative beliefs that serve as the foundation of your life perspective, then you must be willing to explore alternative ways of understanding yourself and the world around you. It is most definitely a journey to do this, but it begins with accepting that your negative beliefs are not only NOT serving you, but also NOT necessary. There is a different way to perceive and life your life and you deserve to explore what that is.
Once we understand our underlying belief system we need to be willing to choose differently. And honestly, this can be challenging, especially at first. As soon as we focus on not having negative thoughts, we will probably experience an avalanche of them. But, hang in there. Slow down, take the pressure off. Start with just noticing when negative thoughts are present and make the choice to release them. The internal conversation might sound something like this “Ahh, I hear your concerns, negative thoughts, but you are distorted and coming from a belief system that I no longer agree with, so I am choosing to let you go. If you come back, I will let you go again.” We do have the power to choose our thoughts. When our thinking brain produces a negative thought, we can accept or reject it. The more we accept negative thoughts, the more powerful, more constant, more of a default they become. But when we begin to consistently reject negative thoughts, they become less automatic, less intense, less meaningful and ultimately less powerful.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we need to think from the standpoint of eternal spiritual principles rather than fear, judgment or superstition. Consider the foundational principles that support us in maintaining a positive, balanced perspective. First is the principle of Intrinsic Worth. When we can acknowledge our own value, it is also easy to see the value of others, despite any behavior we don’t like. Intrinsic Worth gives us what we need to practice Persistent Forgiveness, consistently releasing our negative feelings as we understand (through Psychological Separation) that the words and actions of others have nothing to do with us. Finally, when we recognize our own internal wisdom, our Primary Awareness, we understand that everything we need to live a calm, purposeful and joyful life is available to us now and always.
Before we end today, I want to speak for a moment on the very real experience of depression and anxiety. Both of these conditions include an intensely challenging struggle with negative thoughts. If you suffer from depression or anxiety, know that you do have ability to heal. Even though it may not seem like it, you also have the power to choose your thoughts. Support yourself by exploring every possible resource available: therapy, appropriate medication, exercise, utilize nature, take daily walks, meditate, journal, eat well, getting all of the proper nutrients, do everything you can to sleep well, spend time in activities that bring you joy. Let go of judgement towards yourself and others. Be willing to fight. Refuse to let negative, distorted thoughts win the war, even though they may win a few battles. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to heal.
According to the respected author and thought leader of his time, Joseph Murphy... every thought is a cause and every condition an effect. The law of life is the law of belief. We have the power to choose what we believe. It’s just as easy to choose happiness as it is to choose anything else. Choose happiness.
My loving suggestion is to notice your thoughts in a new way. Explore the deeper beliefs that give rise to the thought patterns you experience. Sincerely consider if your foundational beliefs and the thoughts that manifest are accurate and serving you well. Understand the power you have to choose your thoughts, and the impact on everything about your life that this choice holds.
You are light & you are love.
