Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. Today’s episode focuses on the meaning and significance of choices. Decision-making serves a consistent, challenging role in our lives. So much so that it seems to encapsulate the very reason we are here. If life is a school, then choices, both big and small, are our tests.
Tests aren’t supposed to be easy, and the choices we are tasked with on a daily basis are definitely meant to challenge us. Thankfully, there is usually room for error in our everyday decisions, but it is important to notice how patterns of decision-making create a backdrop to our lives. Do seemingly trivial, mundane decisions honor our value and support us in fulfilling our purpose, or do we approach daily decisions with carelessness or a lack of interest in our greater well-being?
Interestingly, even in small and arguably healthy decisions, there is always a trade-off. It is at this exact point, where we are systematically pushed to create the life we want to live. The impact lies in the patterns of our decisions. Specifically, it is the beliefs we hold that create the thoughts that influence our decisions, that matter.
Busy with all of our everyday choices, we are occasionally faced with decisions of a different magnitude. These decisions involve situations where a single choice can deeply alter our life’s path...a job or career change, having children (or not), or the beginning or ending of a relationship. How we manage these types of decisions is yet another level to our purpose, another type of test.
In order to support ourselves in making decisions that are aligned with our best interest and greatest purpose, we must look at how we make decisions. Thoughts and feelings are both important and necessary elements to the process. But, both are also inherently flawed and limited in their reliability. We can and should utilize our thoughts and feelings, but we also need to be mindful of the automatic trust we often have in our thinking mind.
Here is where foundational principles serve us again. When we look to our Intrinsic Worth and the inherent value within, our choices naturally become aligned with our best interest, greatest potential and greatest good.
And when we tap into our Primary Awareness, the internal wisdom within each of us, we are consistently and concretely supported in finding the necessary clarity to face our tests and successfully make all of our choices with wisdom, confidence and love.
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Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. Today’s topic is one that I’ve wanted to talk about for a really long time, honestly way before the idea of having a podcast ever crossed my mind. Because one of the really interesting things I’ve noticed over the years, both from working with my clients and also in my own life, is the significance of choices. I truly believe that it is our choices, the decisions we are tasked with making, that actually serve as the “Why” in the “why are we here?” The reason is that while we do not have control over what life places in front of us, we do have power. And that power lies in our reaction to the situations and circumstances we are faced with and that reaction manifests in our choices. And not just in the big, life changing decisions. It might actually be the inconspicuous, everyday choices that serve as the greatest opportunity for growth and ultimately for fulfilling our purpose.
Every day we really are faced with a constant stream of choices, although I think we become a little numb to the experience. But it makes sense... because one thing I know to be true is that life is a school. It may not be all of why we are here, but without question it is part of the journey. And if we are in school, then it follows that we are going to be tested. Constantly. Ha! What is so interesting to me, is that even the smallest everyday decisions have both pros and cons, positives and negatives, benefits and consequences. It is not just our big decisions that are meaningful or require something of us. Even our everyday choices have significance. But this too makes sense. Tests are not meant to be easy. They are inherently challenging. And part of the challenge comes from the unexpected and the unknown. We are being assessed in countless ways in all the different parts of our life under ever-changing circumstances... Giving us a million opportunities to use our strengths, manage our vulnerabilities, heal our wounds, and to continue to learn and grow, get better, get stronger.
And if all of the “right” choices were brightly illuminated...like a decision to decision yellow brick road, then really, what would be the point?
So making choices is perhaps our greatest purpose and certainly serves as a path to growth and healing. And, it isn’t meant to be easy. So the next time you are struggling over a big decision, or feeling bad for not making a better daily decision, know this: It’s supposed to be hard... this is why you are here. Take a breath and be kind to yourself.
When it comes to the small, routine, daily choices we are faced with, so much of our decision-making is automatic, repetitive, mindless. And to some degree, we need our habits and our routine to alleviate the mental energy that otherwise would be consumed by basic functioning. But the reality is that many of the decisions we make by habit together serve to shape our experience and our direction. And while we certainly don’t want to start agonizing over whether to choose eggs or oatmeal, we do need to be mindful of how our seemingly insignificant daily choices create the fabric of our lives. We need to pay attention to whether or not these simple choices are creating a framework, a canvas, an atmosphere that reflects our truest most authentic selves. Do these seemingly trivial, mundane decisions honor our value and support us in fulfilling our purpose, or do we approach these choices with carelessness or a lack of interest in our greater well-being?
When it comes to bigger decisions, we are very aware of the inherent challenges. The loss in relation to the benefit gained is known, even if the exact details escape us. But what about this same dynamic in the small, everyday decisions? Most choices come with some element of loss, even as there is also something to be gained. Have you noticed this? If I get up early to work out, I will be tired in the afternoon and less productive. If I stop at the store to get ingredients for a healthy dinner, I will miss out on time with my kids. If I choose to prioritize this task at work (or at home) another will suffer. Even when we intend to make good, healthy and hopefully authentic decisions for ourselves, there is still a trade-off. Personally, I notice this a lot. Competing priorities. Facing multiple choices that are all seemingly all good, all important, healthy, necessary... which one do I choose? Herein lies the significance. It is at this exact point, where we are systematically pushed to choose to create the life we want to live.
But the good news is there is definitely room for error. While there do exist circumstances where a simple decision has an unexpectedly major impact, it is certainly not the norm. Rather, the impact lies in the patterns of our decisions. And to be more specific, it actually is the beliefs we hold that create the thoughts that influence our decisions, that matter.
Making a decision between multiple good, healthy and authentic choices is one thing. But what if we notice we are consistently making choices that are not good, not healthy, not authentic? What if we are defaulting to decisions that, while not immediately impactful, are nevertheless shaping our experience through the development of a negative pattern...creating a background to our lives that is not reflective of who we really are or who we want to be?
We must notice the everyday decisions. We must pay attention. Thankfully there is room for flexibility, and no one is going to do it perfectly every time. Alas, there is no yellow brick road of decision-making. But, the little decisions do matter. Do you see patterns? Are your regular choices supporting who you are now and who you want to become?
So in contrast to small, daily choices, there are the other types of tests...decisions of a different magnitude...those that demand our full attention. These decisions involve situations where a single choice can deeply alter our life’s path...a job or career change, the decision to have children (or not), or the beginning or ending of a relationship. How we manage and ultimately make these types of decisions is yet another level to our purpose, another type of test.
Big decisions require our strength in a different way and are also a place where we hold a lot of power. Ideally, these turning points are where we take stock of what we need, what we desire and what we deserve. Just like everyday decisions, major decisions are also founded on our belief systems. Do we trust ourselves to both identify and follow through on the path that is most authentic, despite competing thoughts and feelings?
Here is where fear will show its powerful presence. Fear of making the wrong decision or just fear of change in general. I’ve noticed that it is actually very common for people to not only avoid making bigger decisions but to avoid even considering the steps required for a necessary change. Because so much fear (which is often experienced as overwhelm) comes up every time they start to think about the choices involved. The problem with this, as we know, is that inaction is an action, and not making a choice is a choice and unfortunately one where we give away our power and control over our life.
So choices. Whether we are currently faced with a major life-changing decision or merely working on the background fabric of our lives, we know that this is what matters, and as challenging and as frankly exhausting as the constant stream of choices can be, this is also where our power lies. Here is the opportunity to honor ourselves, honor others, heal, grow and work towards our greatest purpose.
Okay, so how do we support ourselves in tackling our decisions in the best possible way? Instead of worrying about perfection, let’s focus on being mindful of bringing our most authentic selves into all of the choices we make. Let’s also look at the parts of us we use to make decisions. And finally, take heart, because there is help, a collection of foundational principles to support us. They are always there to help us understand what to do.
As we have discussed in earlier episodes, both thoughts and feelings are necessary but at the same time have very real limitations. But let’s consider the role of both in decision-making. Beginning with thoughts...thoughts inform. They gather information and conduct analysis. They provide and process data. Clearly, this is a necessary and helpful part of any decision-making process. But we must also be aware of where thoughts can be inadequate or misleading. If thoughts are founded on faulty beliefs, specifically about yourself, then they aren’t necessarily reliable.
And what about feelings? Feelings signal. At their best they offer intuitive signs about how a potential decision might align with our values and desires. We must notice and allow for feelings connected to our choices, but we must also maintain some distance. Because unfortunately, feelings can interfere with our greatest good, clouding our judgment and muddying our perspective. Thoughts and feelings are tied to our environment, our past experience and often to our fears for the future. As a result, they are not necessarily the beacons of truth we credit them to be. In fact, automatic trust in both thoughts and feelings is not only overrated but can also majorly obstruct our ability to make good decisions.
Another problem with thoughts and feelings is the tendency to over-analyze. When competing thoughts and feelings persist and continue to get in the way of making a decision, it gives evidence that we are not able to stop and rest in what we most need, most desire and what is most authentic. This is an issue of self-trust, connected to a disconnection from Intrinsic Worth.
The primary principle of Intrinsic Worth is foundational to the way we live our lives, including all of the choices we make within it. If you struggle to recognize your innate worth, the internal value that is not dependent on who you are or what you do, it is impossible to be in the position to make ongoing, positive and authentic decisions in all areas of your life. So...if you are hearing this and notice an argument arising in your mind, you are not alone. Many of us who are well-functioning, successful adults, take issue with the suggestion that we aren’t able to make good choices. And I won’t deny that we may indeed be able to make good decisions in some areas of our lives, but the fact remains that if we are unable to accept the complete and enduring worth that is within, our choices will ultimately reflect that fact.
We must be mindful of the underlying belief systems that inform the decisions we make. What do I believe to be true about myself, my potential, my purpose? What do I believe to be true about others, the world at large? It is our beliefs that create our thoughts and our feelings. If our belief systems are negative or distorted, then it follows that our decisions will not reflect our most authentic selves, making life harder than it needs to be and keeping us from finding the joy and ease we deserve. There is no way around it, we must know our Intrinsic Worth.
Certainly all of the spiritual principles that we have identified are relevant to the decisions we make. I definitely believe that they are. But the other principle that is so relevant here is Primary Awareness. Unlike our thoughts and feelings which are connected to our past experience, belief systems and current mood and environment, Primary Awareness transcends momentary thoughts and feelings and is always aligned with our authentic path. And also unlike thoughts and feelings, Primary Awareness is not part of the thinking mind. It is not housed in the brain. Separate from the body, Primary Awareness is found in the part of the mind that lies behind the personality. The personality is our earthly identity and includes our unique emotional and psychological wiring present from birth. Primary Awareness precedes our birth and is not defined or limited by the strengths and weaknesses of our personality. Primary Awareness is sometimes referred to as the highest self. It can also be understood as an aspect of our soul, the part of us that is eternal and transcends our earthly body and human experience.
Regardless of how we characterize or define Primary Awareness, it offers us information and direction while conveying the vastness of our existence.
It offers a broad, stable perspective - one that includes our long-term well-being, values, needs, and our soul’s journey. It is here where true insight resides, where we are able to find clarity that is not muddied by the experiences, beliefs, fear and anxiety of our human lives.
Connecting with our Primary Awareness helps us with all decisions. If we are using our Primary Awareness regularly, we begin to have a natural understanding of what is best, and more easily make choices that are in alignment with our most authentic selves. Consistently making minor, everyday decisions that are aligned with our truest selves will change the experience and trajectory of our lives.
And when it comes to the big decisions, Primary Awareness offer us wisdom and knowing that evaporates the fears that keep us paralyzed.
The ability to make authentic choices is a universal aspect of the human experience. We are here to make decisions and we are given the power to do so. Finding a way to navigate the complexities of life all while continuing to honor ourselves is how we grow. It is here we must face our most sensitive wounds and insecurities, finding a way to push through any and all obstacles to our greatest purpose. Perfection is not possible and also thankfully, not required. Our work is only in choosing the “best answer” rather than the “right.”
And finally, we always have the opportunity to make yet another decision, a new choice. That is the beauty, always in the paradox. Even when we make a big mistake, a massive fail that creates difficult, negative consequences, there is always a way to move past the pain to a new day, to find our peace and choose again.
My loving suggestion is to bring a new awareness to the choices you make. Pay attention to your everyday choices. Do they truly reflect the person you are? The person you want to be? Notice how you approach the bigger decisions. What do you believe to be true about yourself and how does that belief influence the choices you make? Are you connected to your Intrinsic Worth and your Primary Awareness?
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope something in this episode was meaningful or helpful in some way. And if you are interested in learning more about Intrinsic Worth and Primary Awareness, you can find articles about both at jennicarroll.com
You are light and you are love.
