Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. Today we explore a way to look at ourselves and our relationships with others from a different vantage point. As an alternative to our typical egocentric, personality-driven perspective, we will consider approaching the world from a heart-centered perspective.
In general, we tend to operate from an ego-centered perspective where the internal narrative of who we believe ourselves to be serves as the foundation to all of our choices and interactions with others. This personality-driven perspective is closely connected to the thoughts and feelings of our thinking brain. Unfortunately, when we rely too heavily on our ego perspective and our thinking brain, we miss out the on wisdom, clarity and peace that is always available to us.
In contrast, a heart-centered perspective doesn’t rely on thinking mind thoughts and feelings. In fact, the heart carries an intelligence of its own. The heart understands that we are more than our human selves and that our personalities serve only as costumes we wear. While necessary to function, these costumes also hide our truest, most authentic and enduring selves. Unlike the brain, the heart doesn’t struggle with feelings and thoughts that are negative. The heart carries a purity of emotion, which we understand as love.
When we shift from a personality-driven perspective to a heart-centered perspective everything changes. We begin to understand and connect to both our Intrinsic Worth, the innate value present from birth and not dependent on who we are or what we do, as well as our Primary Awareness. Primary Awareness is the innate wisdom that offers us information, direction and peace and is always available to us. When we are no longer distracted by our confusion, worry and indecision we begin to notice the subtle power that resides within us.
Approaching life with a heart-centered perspective also diminishes the fear we carry, the deepest motivator of all negative thought and emotion. We begin to see our relationships with others in a powerfully different way.
Many of us are understandably skeptical of the necessary changes that come with living from a heart-centered perspective. It is okay to be skeptical, but there is much value in an open mind and a willingness to consider that our personality-driven perspective may be limited and holding us back.
We can begin our desired shift with just observing... noticing and being present with what is currently happening in our lives, while at the same time maintaining some distance. It is also critical to be willing to regularly explore our deeper selves. The good news is we don’t need to chase perfection. In fact, stepping into our heart, even occasionally, has the power to dramatically change our lives.
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Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. I’m so excited for our discussion today, as we are going to zero in on the idea of perspective - the attitude, viewpoint or lens with which we see ourselves and the world around us. And an important part of our discussion today is exploring the foundational principle of a heart-centered perspective. Perhaps you have heard of this phrase before, or maybe you haven’t. Either way I’m really happy that you are joining me, as I hope you will find this to be an interesting and enlightening discussion.
Okay perspective....the unique lens we use to see ourselves, which gives us an understanding or interpretation of who WE are, as well as influences our attitude towards the world around us, the one that we are constantly interacting with. Our perspective, or lens, is egocentric. In other words, we are the center of our own universe. And that’s okay, it is a very natural, human experience to have this type of lens, in fact we all have this perspective, at least at times.
If we are the CEO of the company of us, and I think that is a pretty accurate way of looking at the role we play in our own lives, then the “management skills” we use, for the vast majority of us, are based on an egocentric perspective. Or maybe a better way to think of it is a personality-driven perspective. We, who we believe ourselves to be, are both the foundation and the pinnacle of everything we think, do, perceive, understand, experience. Pretend for a moment that our journey through life is like driving a car, we are the driver and our view through the windshield reflects our perspective. We drive through life, staying in the lines (or not) deciding when to make turns, speeding up or slowing down, stopping or not stopping, all based on seeing our lives and the world around us through a windshield that reflects our unique understanding, the story we have of who we believe ourselves to be.
We use our intellect and our feelings, in other words our thinking minds, to develop a plan, make decisions and follow through. We approach everything in our external world through our perspective, which at its best can help us create and achieve what is good for us, and at its worst is ultimately self-destructive because again while “we” are the center, the pinnacle of our perspective, we create what we believe we deserve, which can unfortunately be a lot more negative than it is positive.
Our perspective is directly connected to our thinking mind, which is, of course, natural and also necessary to some extent. Without utilizing our thinking minds, we would not be able to function as human beings. However, the problem with only approaching our life through the eyes of our thinking brain, is the extraordinarily limited perspective this offers us.
Why? Because when we operate only from our personality, we are ignoring parts of us that are so much greater... so much wiser and beyond what we typically understand as our human abilities. Our thoughts and emotions give us an experience, give us ideas, answers, solutions, but all from an incredibly narrow, limited human perspective. While this is a place most of us often sit and hang out, it is really critical to understand just how restricted of a viewpoint this place really is. In order to access more of our actual power and the ability to experience life in a different way, we must step back and consider another perspective.
Which brings us to... drumroll please.... a heart-centered perspective. Just like our thinking mind where our brain holds intelligence, our heart carries an intelligence as well. Let’s consider the brain and the heart for a minute. They are both organs, they both serve a physical purpose. We also believe that the brain holds more than the purpose of physically functioning, we understand it to house our personality, giving us the means to show up in the world as who we believe ourselves to be. But when we consider the heart, on the other hand, we usually think of only its evident purpose, to pump our blood, to keep us alive, physically. But the heart, just like the brain has more than just a physical purpose to keep our bodies running, it holds another perspective, another lens, an intelligence of its own, and I would argue one that holds access to our most authentic self.
The perspective of the heart is not personality driven. It does not see ourselves as really separate. Instead, while it appreciates the costume of personality that we all wear, it understands our personality as just that, a costume. While valuing the purpose of our personality, the heart-centered perspective also understands that the personality only covers our true selves, the authentic essence of who we are that is also, and this is important, shared with everyone. When we switch from a personality-centered perspective to a heart-centered perspective things change. How we see ourselves in relation to others changes. How we see others changes. What we believe to be important changes.
Another important difference in shifting to a heart-centered perspective is that while the thinking brain includes the experience of feelings that are both positive and negative, angry and forgiving, spiteful and loving, the heart only holds purity of emotion. In other words authentic love.
The fact that the heart is a universal symbol of love is not a coincidence. There is a reason that the image of a brain (other than being hard to draw and not so cute) doesn’t show up on valentine’s day cards.
So when we shift to a heart-centered perspective, everything changes. What does it change to? In my opinion there are several transitions that happen with a switch to a heart-centered perspective. Together, these changes first alter our viewpoint and then our experience. First and arguably most foundational, is the awareness we begin to have with our internal value, our Intrinsic Worth. When our perspective is heart-centered it makes it much more difficult to ignore the enduring value within, the value that is not connected to our personality or behaviors. Because, when we are there, there is a sense of our own vastness, a feeling or an impression, if not a full understanding, of the fact that our limited and finite human experience is truly just a microcosm of who we actually are. When we get introduced to this perception, this idea, we no longer define ourselves purely by our personality, our strengths and weaknesses, our accomplishments and our mistakes, but instead become connected to the deeper, greater SELF that is something more than JUST a human being. If you are someone who is skeptical about this truth... you are not alone. But, all that is needed is a consideration that you might be missing something, an open mind and a willingness to explore the possibility that you are more than you might think.
Connecting to the truth of our Intrinsic Worth is the first nuance of change. Sensing the vastness of our true existence and the wisdom that accompanies it, comes next. When we have a sense of our greater selves, we naturally begin to tap into our Primary Awareness. Primary Awareness, the second shift in a heart-centered perspective is the internal wisdom always available to us, information and a knowingness that transcends the thoughts and emotions of our thinking mind. Primary Awareness is sometimes referred to as our highest self, or an aspect of our soul. Whatever we want to call Primary Awareness, it offers us information and guidance and an understanding that is different than our typical thoughts and feelings. Choosing to access a heart-centered perspective naturally puts us in touch with this amazing aspect of who we are. As a result, we begin to understand our life’s path in a different, easier way. Decision-making becomes easier. Anxiety and stress decrease as we notice the serenity that clarity brings. There is less of a need to struggle against ourselves. The haze of our old perspective falls away.
When we are no longer are distracted by our confusion, our worry and our indecision, we begin to notice the subtle power that resides within us. Knowing this part offers us peace and flexibility in our thinking. Together Intrinsic Worth and Primary Awareness ease the burden of the pain and failings we carry. All of a sudden it becomes easier to take responsibility for our mistakes and errors, while simultaneously acknowledging their insignificance.
And then, there is the disappearance of fear. Fear is the deep emotion that motivates every other negative thought and feeling that we experience. When we operate from a heart-centered perspective fear is exposed. It loses its power. Because we see ourselves differently and as we understand the wisdom available to us, fear doesn’t rule us as it did before. If fear isn’t in control, then we no longer find ourselves having the negative thoughts or feelings that we did before. We notice a sense of flexibility, of patience, of a more relaxed attitude and disposition. We become a lot more carefree. For all of us Type A’s, we find an increasingly easy-going outlook, things don’t bother us as they once did. We no longer have such an intense need for control or for structure without flexibility.
What happens next is a reframing of who we are in relationship to others. The prevailing trust in our separateness, the belief in our disconnection from others, the idea that that we are completely separate from everyone else is a myth. The truth is we are all connected much, much more than we truly understand or appreciate. While this is a concept that many of us struggle with, when we use a heart-centered perspective, the truth reveals itself more easily, more matter-of-factly. What we ultimately conclude is this: what happens to one of us happens to all of us. This knowledge is meant to encourage us to do what we can to support and help each other and for all of our choices to reflect not only what is good for us (which is always important) but also what is good for others, even if that means one other.
There really is no limit to the positive transformation that comes from a heart-centered perspective. But for our discussion today, the last change or upgrade I will offer to you is the distance we begin to feel from everything that we don’t like.. all of the experiences we have or just observe that are not in alignment with our viewpoint and otherwise cause us pain. Here is where, unsurprisingly, there is again a bit of a paradox; while we are all connected (and even if we are not consciously aware of it) are impacted by what happens to each other, at the very same time, none of it matters. In other words, none of us are defined by our actions, good or bad. AND, because none of us are defined by our behaviors, and because we all have the power to find peace and transcend the negative created by ourselves or others, we can just let go. There is no longer a need to hold onto negative emotion directed at ourselves or at anyone else. Forgiveness becomes a given, no longer a struggle, just the way we proceed. An easy and forward-looking path of Persistent Forgiveness, for ourselves, for others is our new normal.
So you may be thinking... okay this sounds great, beautiful in fact, but come on, is this really realistic? Is this even really a thing? Life is life, people are people, how on earth do you expect that anybody is going to stop seeing the world as it is?
Let’s be honest, if a heart-centered perspective was our default state of being, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. It just would be. Everything about the world as we know it would be different. Yet, it doesn’t change the fact that we all still need to get there. Like everything else about our human experience, from carpet to hardwood, from half & half to oat milk, or from jazzercize to cross fit, the more of us that make the shift, the more who will be compelled to join us.
If you are realizing that a heart-centered perspective sounds right for you, and that you might be ready to make the shift but just aren’t exactly sure how to get there, here are some ways to step into your heart.
As always, becoming a skilled observer is the first step. A willingness to step back from the thinking mind is such a powerful beginning and immediately shifts our perspective. So often we are merged with what whatever we are experiencing and our internal reaction to it. And even more often, we are ruminating on things that aren’t happening in the current moment, but rather we are reliving the pain of the past or anticipating potential pain of the future. Recognizing when this is happening and creating even momentary space is so helpful.
When we work at observing, we naturally become more present. You have the ability to notice what is happening IN THIS MOMENT. Become aware of what it happening in the present, but also, from a distance. Notice your thoughts and any feelings. Also notice that in this moment, you are okay. Allow yourself to feel peace and appreciation for that fact.
Pay attention, really pay attention to what is happening within you and also, what is happening outside of you. Work at being a neutral observer rather than seeing the world through a critical eye. Consider committing to bringing a calm and kind energy everywhere you go.
Here’s the thing. If you want to experience life in an easier and more extraordinary way, you must be willing to invest in nurturing your greater self. In plain English this means you need to be willing to have some sort of spiritual practice. Time every day or most days where you unplug from the routine and responsibility of life and tap into something deeper. Unfortunately, all of the words we have to describe this process of accessing our greater selves can quickly become trite or even cheesy. And it is extremely easy to dismiss the entire idea as a “nice thought” but not a priority or something that actually requires our attention. We are instead distracted by the things we feel we must do - taking care of our children, walking the dog, going to work, dinner, laundry, dishes, making sure all of our responsibilities are met. And I get it, I often prioritize those things too. But, if you just are willing to make the commitment to find minutes - only minutes - each day to focus on a deeper part of yourself, you will find the return on your investment much more than you ever expected.
Think of it as “heart-time” - minutes each day spent in meditation, prayer, journaling, connecting with nature or learning from the words and wisdom of people who have already figured some of this stuff out, spiritual teachers past and present. Whatever means you choose, take time to consider your “true self.” Which means... if you let go of all of the aspects of your personality, all of who you think you are and believe yourself to be, what would be left? How would you want to show up? What would be important?
Commit to developing a practice. Be willing to take the journey. Insist on something different.
And finally, no one here expects perfection. We are human for a reason and we will likely find ourselves slipping back into an ego-driven perspective at times. But that doesn’t mean that living from a heart-centered perspective most of the time, some of the time or even once in awhile won’t radically transform your life. Because it will.
My loving suggestion is to ask yourself if you are open to a different perspective? Are you willing to look at making a small shift in how you approach yourself and your life and the world around you? No need for anything drastic, a shift that at first is almost imperceptible. Yet, a shift that holds the power of IT all.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope something in our discussion on a heart-centered perspective spoke to you in a meaningful way.
You are light and you are love.
