Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. For those of you who are interested in changing your perspective, today I hope to provide you with a framework. When it comes to the foundational principles we have discussed, it can be overwhelming and confusing to adopt them in a realistic and practical way. To help overcome that obstacle, I’m sharing ten questions meant to support you in exploring and ultimately better understanding yourself, your current perspective and any shifts that might be helpful to make.
Question 1. WHAT IS GOOD?
What is working? What are my strengths? What do I appreciate about myself, my life?
Question 2. WHAT IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EMOTIONS?
What feelings do I have frequently? What emotions would I like to feel more often? Is it difficult for me to allow for my feelings? Why? Is it difficult for me to let go of my feelings once they have run their course? Why? How does my relationship with my emotions support or inhibit my experience of life?
Question 3. WHAT ARE THE INTERNAL BELIEFS THAT MOTIVATE MY THOUGHTS?
What thoughts do I have frequently? What kind of thoughts would I like to have more often? Do I trust that my motivating internal beliefs are true?
Question 4. WHERE DO JUDGMENT AND GUILT SHOW UP IN MY LIFE?
What beliefs and fears motivate these feelings (or thoughts)? How do these feelings (or thoughts) keep me from living a different type of experience? Am I open to experiencing and practicing more empathy and compassion?
Question 5. WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO I HAVE FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS?
How do I handle it when I fail to meet my own expectations? What meaning do I apply to this experience? What expectations do I have for others, especially for the most important people in my life? When others fail to meet my expectations, what meaning do I apply to myself? How willing am I to let go of any of these expectations?
Question 6. DO I FULLY ACCEPT MY INTRINSIC WORTH?
If not, what keeps me from embracing this foundational truth?
Question 7. DO I PRACTICE PERSISTENT FORGIVENESS?
What are my beliefs about forgiveness? What fears keep me from forgiving more readily? Where am I willing to incorporate more forgiveness into my life?
Question 8. HOW MUCH TIME DO I SPEND IN A HEART-CENTERED PERSPECTIVE?
Am I willing to work at making the shift to spending more time here?
Question 9. HOW MUCH IS MY CURRENT PERSPECTIVE HOLDING ME BACK OR CONTRIBUTING TO A LIFE EXPERIENCE I NO LONGER WANT?
What negative emotions come up frequently for me? What interferes with my peace and my joy? How are my feelings about the external world or other people connected to my inner world and my current perspective? How do I want my life and my perspective to be different? Am I willing to shift my perspective?
Question 10: WHAT IS ONE SHIFT I AM WILLING TO MAKE OR START WORKING ON TODAY?
Don’t underestimate the power of questioning. Questioning is in itself is a process of change and transformation. Explore for yourself what you truly believe and more importantly, what you are willing to remember.
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the information presented in today's discussion, please consider subscribing to the Jenni Carroll Perspective.
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Welcome to the Jenni Carroll Perspective. This last episode in the second season is dedicated to anyone listening who is a kindred spirit. For those of you who find yourself nodding your head or thinking “yes” as we explore one foundational principle or another, this is for you. In all honesty though, I do believe that all of us have an awareness of these principles somewhere within, although that awareness might be pretty well buried. For others, there is a conscious understanding and acceptance of these ideas, but also an uncertainty or confusion around how to realistically adopt them in a practical way. My hunch is that for many of us, the ideas feel like a nice thought, an inspired way to look at life, but are ultimately fleeting and a bit forgotten. They are fleeting because we lack a framework for how to actually make the shift to incorporate these ideas into everyday life.
So my goal today, dear listeners, is to begin to provide a framework. And while I wish I could mail each of you a “change your perspective kit” with items that you could assemble and place on your kitchen table, alas we must only work with ideas. But I want you to think of these ideas as actual concrete steps to making your life easier, more pleasant, more joyful. This is 100% possible. We really are meant to be supported in this journey.
The framework I’m offering you begins with a process of self-discovery. An exercise in the form of questions... questions that are meant to guide you in better understanding where you currently are; what you need to keep doing; what you need to change; and where to begin to focus your attention. A research project of sorts. Answering these questions will begin to create clarity and direction. If you take the time to thoughtfully consider and fully respond to each question, you will be left with clarity - a clear starting point. Which, as we know, is always a necessary first step. We must know where we want to go in order to get there.
And for now, use this time to just listen... I will provide these questions in the show notes and you can also send me a direct message from my website jennicarroll.com at any time and I will email them to you. Once you have the questions in front of you, I would suggest taking each question a day at a time. Even while you are doing other things, allow the question to be brewing in your mind. Then, set aside some time to answer it in writing. And of course, you can always come back to it, if something new occurs to you. So, let’s begin...
Question 1. What is GOOD?
Whenever we decide to create change in any form, the first step has to be an assessment or evaluation of the current state of affairs. What is going well? What isn’t broken? What have you already figured out? What do you get right? Where are your strengths? Even if you currently find yourself in a really challenging place, where the walls feel like they are closing in... even in that devastating place there remains something positive, something good, something strong. In order to live life differently, we need to be willing to see what is good. And interestingly, this is often harder than seeing what is bad. We are usually very aware of what we don’t like, while we tend to skim over what is good. So, I challenge you to first consider WHAT IS GOOD? WHAT IS WORKING? WHAT ARE MY STRENGTHS? WHAT DO I APPRECIATE ABOUT MYSELF?
Question 2. What is my relationship with my EMOTIONS?
As we discussed earlier this season, the relationship we have with our emotions can define the direction of our life. So it is important to understand the specific nature of the relationship you have with your feelings. Do you tend to avoid uncomfortable feelings, distracting yourself to focus on anything but? Or perhaps you are someone who finds that you have a lot of intense emotion that often feels overwhelming, and becomes an obstacle to making necessary decisions while interfering with your general peace and well-being. The goal with emotions is always to allow for feelings in real time and then consciously release them, so you can be free to move forward. Here is what to consider: WHAT IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FEELINGS? WHAT KINDS OF FEELINGS DO I HAVE FREQUENTLY? WHAT EMOTIONS WOULD I LIKE TO FEEL MORE OFTEN? IS IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO ALLOW FOR MY FEELINGS? IS IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO LET GO OF MY FEELINGS ONCE THEY HAVE RUN THEIR COURSE? HOW DOES MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EMOTIONS SUPPORT OR INHIBIT MY EXPERIENCE OF LIFE?
Question 3. What are the internal beliefs that motivate my THOUGHTS?
The companion to our emotions of course, is our thoughts... another part of us that powerfully drives our direction and experience. Here it is important to explore the nature of our thoughts and how we manage our thoughts, negative thoughts, specifically. And part of the process is understanding where negative thoughts come from... in other words what are the underlying belief systems at play? At the most foundational level, what do we believe to be true? When it comes to managing negative thoughts, it is important to understand if we tend to merge with our negative thoughts, or instead (and more healthfully) separate ourselves, challenge, and ultimately work to let go of thoughts generated by our brains that we no longer want or need. Things to consider are: WHAT THOUGHTS DO I HAVE FREQUENTLY? WHAT KIND OF THOUGHTS WOULD I LIKE TO HAVE MORE OFTEN? WHAT BELIEF SYSTEMS DO I HAVE THAT MOTIVATE MY THOUGHTS? DO I STILL BELIEVE THESE IDEAS TO BE TRUE?
Question 4. Where do JUDGMENT and GUILT show up in my life?
As we recently discussed, judgment and guilt are both forms of anger, motivated by fear. While both can be common thoughts and feelings, neither serves any beneficial purpose and instead, both significantly interfere in a better life experience. In my opinion, judgment and guilt are absolutely the most damaging thoughts and emotions anyone can have. It is really important to be willing to identify and then work to let go of them wherever they come up. Learning to replace judgment and guilt with empathy and compassion is truly transformative. Questions to consider: WHERE DO JUDGMENT AND GUILT SHOW UP IN MY LIFE? WHAT BELIEFS AND FEARS MOTIVATE THESE FEELINGS (OR THOUGHTS)? HOW DO THESE FEELINGS (OR THOUGHTS) KEEP ME FROM LIVING A DIFFERENT TYPE OF EXPERIENCE? AM I OPEN TO EXPERIENCING AND PRACTICING MORE EMPATHY AND COMPASSION?
Question 5. What EXPECTATIONS do I have for others and for myself?
Okay this is where we revisit the idea of expectations. If you are a little unsure about the role of expectations and how they influence our relationships... both the relationships we have with others as well as the one with ourselves, I would suggest checking out ‘Episode 2 Great Expectations’ where I discuss this topic in greater depth. But the bottom line is that when we hold expectations for ourselves or for others that aren’t met (which inevitably happens) the unfulfilled expectations tend to create negative meaning which we apply towards ourselves, that in turn creates all sorts of negative emotion including anger, resentment, guilt, sadness, shame, and disconnection to name a few. In order to change our perspective and our experience of life, we must get clear about the expectations we carry. And that starts with the expectations we have for ourselves. WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO I HAVE FOR MYSELF? HOW DO I HANDLE IT WHEN I FAIL TO MEET MY OWN EXPECTATIONS? WHAT MEANING DO I APPLY TO THIS EXPERIENCE? WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO I HAVE FOR OTHERS, ESPECIALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE? WHEN OTHERS FAIL TO MEET MY EXPECTATIONS, WHAT MEANING DO I APPLY TO MYSELF? HOW WILLING AM I TO LET GO OF ANY OF THESE EXPECTATIONS?
Question 6. Do I fully accept my INTRINSIC WORTH?
Intrinsic Worth is our innate value, present from birth, that is not dependent on who we are or what we do. Intrinsic Worth is a foundational spiritual principle and truth and truly is the key to unlock a new perspective and new experience of life. Many of us are skeptical about this idea, and hold firmly to our old narratives, characterizing ourselves with our accomplishments or good works while at the same time holding close our mistakes and errors and using our failures to change and often define our sense of self. If there was one shift that I could wish for everyone listening and every person alive, it would be to learn to accept your Intrinsic Worth. Spend some time on this question. I find that many of us do not like to readily admit that we struggle with how we feel about ourselves, and quickly skim over this idea. Give yourself the opportunity to really honestly consider whether or not you have embraced this principle in the past, what it means to you and whether or not you are willing to fully accept this incredible truth going forward. Thoughtfully consider: DO I FULLY ACCEPT MY INTRINSIC WORTH? IF NOT, WHAT KEEPS ME FROM EMBRACING THIS FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH?
Question 7. Do I practice PERSISTENT FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is very connected to Intrinsic Worth. As we recognize the value within ourselves (and others too) it becomes much easier to see the bigger picture and not get stuck in the weeds, so to speak. Persistent Forgiveness is the daily practice of allowing for any negative emotion that arises from the hurts, mistakes and failures of others (or by ourselves) but then consciously releasing those very feelings along with making the choice to let go and move forward. In order to live life differently, we must be willing to consider our relationship with forgiveness. When we learn to consistently forgive ourselves (often the harder part) we also learn how to forgive others, and the process becomes easier, more natural. We often consciously or unconsciously consider our lack of forgiveness an “insurance policy” against getting hurt again. But, this theory immediately falls apart on exploration. The truth is that the refusal to forgive guarantees continued hurt and pain, the exact opposite of what any of us wants or are trying to accomplish. Be willing to explore your relationship with forgiveness. Consider DO I PRACTICE PERSISTENT FORGIVENESS? WHAT ARE MY BELIEFS ABOUT FORGIVENESS? WHAT FEARS KEEP ME FROM FORGIVING MORE READILY? WHERE AM I WILLING TO INCORPORATE MORE FORGIVENESS INTO MY LIFE?
Question 8. How much time do I spend in a HEART-CENTERED PERSPECTIVE?
As we discussed in our last episode, unlike an ego-driven or personality-centered perspective a heart-centered perspective allows us to understand and connect to the deeper essence of who we are. Here is where we see our personalities and the strengths and weaknesses connected to them as costumes that serve a purpose, yet also serve to hide our greater selves. A heart-centered perspective holds purity of emotion, without room for negative or destructive feelings. Just like the brain, the heart holds a deep intelligence of its own. Ultimately, it is our shared purpose to shift from an ego or personality driven perspective to a heart-centered perspective. This is something we all must work towards. Consider HOW MUCH TIME DO I SPEND IN A HEART-CENTERED PERSPECTIVE? AM I WILLING TO WORK AT MAKING THE SHIFT TO SPENDING MORE TIME HERE?
Question 9. How much is my current PERSPECTIVE holding me back or contributing to a life experience I no longer want?
This is where we must separate feeling from truth. If you notice you carry a lot of negative feeling, sadness, frustration, fear, unrest, anger, confusion, overwhelm... three things need to happen. First, you need to be clear about what feelings you are having. Next you must understand the source of the feeling. The source will give you clarity about the changes that need to occur. And finally, this is the super important part, you must explore your own role in the angst. For example, if you identify that someone in your life is upsetting you or you are unhappy about a situation or circumstance, you must then explore your reaction and how you participate in the drama, the injustice, the problem. While it is easy to want others to change or our circumstances to be different... our control lies in changing ourselves. Circumstances will change once we do the inner work. Sometimes even, others will change when we do OUR inner work. Why? Because when we are different, they are different. And what is even more significant, is that our perception changes.. our attitude or viewpoint our lens.. and what once bothered us, does so less. So additional questions here are: WHAT NEGATIVE EMOTIONS COME UP FREQUENTLY FOR ME? WHAT INTERFERES WITH MY PEACE AND MY JOY? HOW ARE MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE EXTERNAL WORLD OR OTHER PEOPLE CONNECTED TO MY INNER WORLD AND MY CURRENT PERSPECTIVE? HOW DO I WANT MY LIFE AND MY PERSPECTIVE TO BE DIFFERENT? AM I WILLING TO SHIFT MY PERSPECTIVE?
Question 10: What is ONE shift I am willing to make or work on starting now?
When you have thoughtfully considered and answered all of the previous questions, offer yourself a word of congratulations. Looking at ourselves with an honest and evaluative eye is never easy. Just being willing to consider and answer these questions demonstrates a wisdom and openness and a desire for something different. The truth is that you have already begun your journey, you are on your way. Now it is time to set an intention and make a commitment. Based on what you have learned about yourself, what areas do you see as opportunities to change in order to live life in an easier, more extraordinary way? Are there specific principles that you need to focus on adopting or embracing? Are there aspects of yourself that need attention, reworking? Whatever you have identified, I encourage you to start with a simple step. A small, doable, realistic shift that you can bring your attention to on a daily, hourly or even moment to moment basis. What speaks to you? Close your eyes and allow yourself to tap into your inner wisdom. Ask “where should I start?” Allow the answer to be revealed and when it is, set the intention to commit to that small shift. Consider WHAT IS THE ONE SHIFT I AM WILLING TO MAKE OR TO START WORKING ON TODAY?
Don’t underestimate the power of questioning, the process of really being present with an idea and considering it from all angles including that which is underneath and hidden. And, sometimes also that which may be in plain sight, but yet somehow escapes our attention. Questioning is in itself is a process of change and transformation. The point is to explore for yourself what you truly believe and more importantly what you are willing to remember. There is something that encouraged you to pull up this podcast, this episode and listen. Honor that voice and be willing to listen further. There is so much good available to you, even if it is hard at this moment to fully believe. Take a leap, trust in yourself and the ability you have to live life from a fresh and powerful perspective.
My loving suggestion is to ask yourself these ten questions. Listen to the answers and wait for the wisdom that will illuminate your next steps.
Thank you so much for joining me today and through this second season of the Jenni Carroll Perspective. I hope that your time was well-spent and something in these episodes spoke to you in a helpful or meaningful way.
You are light and you are love.
