Supporting Dads: Navigating Emotions on Father's Day

What if Father's Day isn't just about celebration, but also a complex mix of emotions? Join me, Toni Thrash, for a poignant episode of the Start Your Comeback Podcast. This week, we navigate the emotional labyrinth that Father's Day presents, whether it's the joy of seeing my firstborn embrace fatherhood or the grief of missing one's own dad. I share heartfelt stories from my family and offer practical advice for those supporting new dads or coping with the loss of their own fathers. 

If you're a divorced dad caught in the emotional crossfire of Father's Day, this episode brings you hope and solace. Through the touching story of a close friend who has spent years apart from his children on this special day, we explore the pain of separation and the healing power of small, meaningful gestures. This episode is a compassionate guide, packed with valuable insights for new dads, grieving sons, and divorced fathers looking to reconnect. Tune in for heartfelt advice and a powerful reminder of the importance of fatherhood in all its forms.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Is there a major life transition benching you? I know you may be asking what's next? What's my purpose? What if? Because I've asked those too. Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast. I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Hi, welcome back. You are listening to episode 36.

Speaker 1: 1:03

We are just about halfway through the month of June. This month has been a whirlwind. The first half of the month, I had my mom here visiting for about five days so she could see her great-grandson and my first grandson's first birthday. And now here we are in the middle of the month where we are focused on our dads. And now here we are in the middle of the month where we are focused on our dads.

Speaker 1: 1:26

Father's Day can be a joyful time to celebrate who your dad is and what he has meant to you and your family, but it can also be a traumatic reminder of how your dad was or is. It's typically a day of barbecuing and ties and possibly the US Open golf tournament. I do know this. Nothing is more satisfying as a parent than watching your firstborn becoming a dad. You've done your job as a parent and you hope it got embedded in his brain and heart on what to do so far. We're a year in and he's doing a great job and I couldn't be prouder. We're a year in and he's doing a great job and I couldn't be prouder. But I know that some father's days can be tough for some of the dads that we know, and I bet you may be wondering how you can support either a new dad who doesn't really know what he's doing yet, or a dad whose dad has recently passed away because he doesn't know what he's doing either. His dad's not here to help him grill. You see, either one of these scenarios can cause a bit of shock to the system. One idea that you could do for a new dad is to have his dad write down maybe 10 things that are important to know and what to do as a dad, and maybe 10 things that you don't need to do as a dad and maybe 10 things that you don't need to do as a dad, and then give that to them as a gift. Now, my best thoughts for the ones who've lost their dad is to honor the man he was, but first recognize the grief, especially if it's a recent loss, and then finding the best way to celebrate this man who's no longer here. It doesn't necessarily need to be a huge surprise. It's best, maybe, just to lean into safe ground than to risk hanging off a cliff and going big. Now you may be a divorced dad and find this to be the biggest day of limbo ever, because you have no idea what to expect.

Speaker 1: 3:26

I have a friend who has not spent Father's Day with his kids in over three years. Now they're older, but still I remember the first one, like it was yesterday. This guy's like a brother to me and I invited him over for dinner on Father's Day. I got him a card, I made him dinner and I gave him a small gift. Let me say this that what I did for him did not compare to the fact that his son called him later that evening to talk to his dad and wish him happy Father's Day, made his whole entire day because you see he's still in limbo. It's still three years now and he sits in limbo waiting to see if all three of his kids will reach out. It's too much.

Speaker 1: 4:10

But if you have a divorced dad in your life and his kids are not local. Be extra gentle. I have zero respect for the divorced moms out there who love nothing more to punish the dad and refuse to let him see his kids. He's their dad. They need him and he needs them. Let me say this If there was any type of danger or abuse associated with the dad, I totally understand. Do what is best for you and the kids, but otherwise get over yourself and let your kids see their dad.

Speaker 1: 4:45

Maybe you are in the re-entry stage of rebuilding a relationship with your kids. It's awkward at best and difficult at the worst, but this is a time to start slow and rebuild whatever is missing from the relationship. This is painstakingly slow, but worth it in the long run. Wherever you find yourself today as a dad, just remember that chasing your kids to be part of their lives is a never a wasted venture. Let me say that again. Chasing your kids to be part of their lives is never a wasted venture. Let me say that again. Chasing your kids to be part of their lives is never a wasted venture. Let's just say, when our kids hit the teenage years, dads are the last to know. Well, at least in my house anyway. But even when it feels hopeless and they're ignoring you. Keep the course, stay consistent, regardless of their attitudes, their remarks and that whole thing about ignoring you, because in the long run you will be so glad you didn't let your stubbornness keep you from pursuing them.

Speaker 1: 5:50

Find a dad today and let's encourage them. Some are new and learning. Some are older, wiser and can share wisdom with the younger dads. We need them all. I lost my dad over 21 years ago, so when I need a dad, I borrow my friend's dad. When I need father's advice, he is kind and willing to share any advice that I need. So, in honor of Father's Day, may the Lord grant you peace and courage to reach out and simply say, hey, I love you and I'm grateful to be your dad. Even if you don't get a response. May God give you the encouragement you need and friends who invite you to their Father's Day barbecue. Let's face it if you're divorced and things are not great, you may not get to see your kids. You're just hoping for some kind of acknowledgement. So go ahead and enjoy the time. Just don't be alone and tell yourself things that are not true. Happy Father's Day.

Speaker 1: 6:50

I have some very exciting news. I will be having my very first guest on the pod within the next month. I'm so looking forward to having my friend Kim Stewart on. She's a podcast coach and a book marketing genius who was instrumental in helping me launch this podcast. I cannot wait for you to get to meet her. Join me next week as I do a quarterly review and offer some more tips on some transitions that you may be facing this summer. Have a great week, a great father's day, and I'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening. I don't take it for granted that you're here. You didn't listen by mistake. If you want to reach out, you can dm me on instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week. Remember, there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback. I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music. You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.