Ep 24: Yoga Teaching & Enforcing Boundaries

In relationships, boundaries are the rules we set for ourselves about what's okay & what's not okay, and how we're treated & how we treat others. Boundaries, help us feel safe and respected. When we have clear boundaries and stick to them, It makes our relationships stronger because we know where we stand and what to expect. When your boundaries are unclear or ignored, it can lead to problems like misunderstandings hurt feelings, arguments, and potentially disrupt your relationships.

Understanding how boundaries work is important for making sure our connections with others are healthy and positive. As well as knowing when to step away and enforce distance.

That's what this episode is about... Boundaries. The difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, what life looks like in the absence of them and how to go about establishing and maintaining your boundaries.

Buckle up my friends, get your journals and let's get to it.

Transcript

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In relationships, boundaries are like the rules we set for ourselves about what's okay. And what's not okay. And how we're treated and how we treat others. Boundaries, help us feel safe and respected. And when we have clear boundaries and stick to them, It makes our relationships stronger because we know where we stand. And what to expect. But when boundaries are unclear or ignored, it can lead to problems like misunderstandings hurt feelings. Uh, arguments and it can disrupt your relationships. So understanding how boundaries work is so important for making sure our connections with others are healthy and positive. As well as knowing when to step away and enforce distance. And that's what I want to discuss in this episode. Boundaries the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, what life looks like in the absence of them and how to go about establishing and maintaining your boundaries. Buckle up guys, get your journals and let's get to it. Welcome to the Essential Conversations for Yoga Teachers podcast with me. I'm Monica Bright, and I've been teaching yoga and running my yoga business for over a decade. This is the podcast for you if you're a yoga teacher, you're looking for support, you love to be in conversation, and you're a lifelong student. In this podcast, I'll share with you My life as a yoga teacher, the lessons I've learned, my process for building my business, and helpful ideas, tools, strategies, and systems I use and you can use so that your business thrives. We'll cover a diverse range of topics that will help you whether you're just starting out or you've got years under your belt and you want to dive deep and set yourself up for success. I'm so glad you're here. Listen, I don't take myself too seriously, so expect to hear some laughs along the way. Now, let's do this together. Welcome back to the podcast. So why are we having this conversation? It's because as yoga teachers, we experience so many different dynamics from forming relationships, with students and the relationships we have with other teachers and studio managers and studio owners. Having healthy boundaries will help you create a healthy teaching career. With either minimal or no feelings of resentment abuse or being taken advantage of. So why do you need boundaries? What's their purpose. How does having them affect your life? First let's touch on the difference between healthy versus unhealthy boundaries. Remember boundaries referred to how you define and maintain your personal limits needs and relationships with others. All right. Got your journal. I hope so. Cause you're going to want to write these down so you can refer to them often. Here's a breakdown of the differences between healthy versus unhealthy boundaries. First, let's talk about healthy boundaries. How do you know if your boundaries are healthy? Well, you have to have a clear understanding of your personal limits. Your needs. And your values. So you may need to start there and it's not the same for everyone. So I suggest starting with your values and work from there. Healthy boundaries, foster, balanced, and reciprocal relationships built on trust and understanding, and they encourage you to honor your own needs and respect the boundaries of others too. You'll have a sense of self respect, mutual respect, and personal growth. When you're working with others and respecting each other's boundaries. Now, let me pause and say that this is work. It's not easy, but it's so worth it. All right, let's get into a little more detail first. Healthy boundaries are clear and firm. They're clearly defined and communicated to others in a direct and assertive manner. I'm not saying rude just from. You also need to be confident in asserting them in various situations and this again might take practice, but it's still worth it. Next. Healthy boundaries, prioritize mutual respect and consideration for both yourself and others, allowing you to express your needs and preferences while also respecting the boundaries of others. So it's kind of like a two way street. They understand you and you understand that. Number three healthy boundaries are flexible and adaptive to different contexts and relationships. So you're open to negotiation and compromise, but you also know when to assert your limits and protect your well-being from potential harm or exploitation. Number four. Healthy boundaries empower you to take ownership of your life. Make autonomous decisions and prioritize your self care. They promote self-awareness self-respect and personal growth. By encouraging you to honor your own needs and your boundaries. And finally healthy boundaries create a supportive environment for personal growth and development and encourage you to step outside your comfort zones. Pursue your goals and cultivate meaningful connections while maintaining a healthy balance between independence and interdependence. You might not realize it in the moment, but when you look back, you'll see how much you're growing. When you have proper And healthy boundaries in place. Now let's talk about unhealthy boundaries. These lead to confusion, conflict and dysfunction in relationships, and can often be felt experiences. So notice when you feel a sense of dis. Ease in your body. First they're either unclear or absent altogether. They're ambiguous, inconsistent. Or like I mentioned before entirely absent, which makes it difficult for you to distinguish your own needs and limits from those of others. This lack of clarity can lead to confusion, conflict and resentment in relationships. So notice how you feel in your relationships. That's so important. Next they're invasive or too rigid. Unhealthy boundaries may involve intrusive behaviors, such as excessive control manipulation, or inmeshment where individuals disregard the autonomy and boundaries of others. On the other hand, they can also be rigid and inflexible leading to isolation. Emotional detachment. And a fear of intimacy. Here's an example. I had a friend who would call me five, six times a day to talk. And at the same time would say to me, quote, don't take me for granted. Which is crazy, right? Because I don't have time. To talk on the phone all day, but I was guilted into doing so. My boundaries were not in place. So I want to be clear about that. So I didn't say anything. I just allow the calls. To happen. And for my time to be sucked. And I'm happy to say that my boundaries are in place now. And I'm comfortable saying no, I can't. And it doesn't mean that I feel any different about you or our friendship, but I can't talk on the phone all day. You'll find that unhealthy boundaries are common in codependent relationships, where you prioritize the needs and desires of others above your own. Often at the expense of your own wellbeing. This can result in a cycle of enabling caretaking and emotional dependency that perpetuates dysfunctional patterns of behavior. Do you have any codependent relationships in your life? This isn't to judge or to shame you, but to help you pause. And think. And work from there. People with unhealthy boundaries may manipulate cores or violate the boundaries of others for their own gain, leading to feelings of disempowerment, resentment, and mistrust in you. So while you're working on your boundaries, you have to be cognizant of other people's boundaries, too. Finally unhealthy boundaries hinder your personal growth and development by perpetuating negative patterns of behaviors, such as avoidance. Dependency or self-sabotage, which prevents you from setting and pursuing meaningful goals, fostering healthy relationships, and achieving your full potential. So you might be asking, what has this got to do with teaching yoga? And that's a great. Question. Because it has everything to do with teaching yoga. As teachers, we meet so many new students during our careers and in meeting new people all the time, you have to be able to manage the relationships. And how do you do that? Boundaries knowing your boundaries and enforcing them. Question. Do you have problems saying no. That's boundary work. Do you take on too much because someone asked you to cover for them. That's boundary work. Are you teaching classes or formats that you don't want to that's boundary work? Are you driving yourself crazy on social media posting or interacting? That's boundary work. I used to work at a studio years ago. And. I'm going to be honest, I had trouble enforcing my boundaries at that time. And I got ran over by this studio owner. It was actual hell. I'm not kidding. But after I spent a good amount of time understanding my values and creating healthy boundaries, I realized that number one, I didn't have any, and that's why I was in that situation. And number two, now that I have them, I will never be in that position again. Y because I will enforce my boundaries and if they aren't respected, then I will remove myself from the situation. Period. Just that simple. Now let's understand how establishing and maintaining boundaries in your life. Affects your overall wellbeing. Here, some of the. Advantages to having boundaries. Number one self-respect setting boundaries communicates to yourself and to others that you value your own needs and feelings. It fosters a sense of self-respect and self-worth. Which is essential for healthy relationships and for your personal growth. You know the saying that you teach people how to treat you, right. So you have to have self-respect so that you can teach people how to treat you. Number two. Clarity and focus boundaries provide clarity about what is acceptable and unacceptable in your life. They help you prioritize your time, energy and resources on activities and relationships that align with your values and goals, allowing you to stay focused and productive. Number three. Um, emotional balance boundaries protect you from being overly influenced or manipulated by others, emotions, demands, or behaviors. They create a sense of emotional safety and stability. Reducing stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm. Ever heard of energy vampires. You can insert that idea here. Number four. Healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries is crucial for fostering healthy relationships. Clear boundaries, help define the parameters of a relationship. They promote mutual respect and prevent resentment and conflict. They also enable you to maintain your individuality and autonomy within relationships. So you don't become codependent. Number five. Increased self awareness setting boundaries requires you to reflect on your own needs, your own values and your limits. This process of self exploration and introspection promotes greater self-awareness and self-understanding. Leading to personal growth and development. Number six improved communication. Boundaries facilitate open and honest communication with others by clearly expressing your needs, preferences, and limits you promote transparency and understanding in your interactions, which can strengthen relationships and resolve conflicts more effectively. When you practice speaking up for yourself, it might feel hard at first. I know it did for me. But I have a little voice in my head that says to me, Monica, if you're not willing to have the hard conversation. Then what do you expect to change? And I can't ignore that voice. You should try that out. And finally number seven empowerment. Feeling empowered to take control of your life and make decisions that are in your best interest. Helping you to competently advocate for your needs and set boundaries with respect and assertiveness. How would you feel if you could live your life on your own terms? Honoring yourself by saying yes or no. When you want to. So here's the thing, and I think this is important to bring up. Some people will try to make you feel guilty about living this way. Maybe they call you selfish or whatever it is, but you have to ascertain whether that's true or if your decisions are affecting them to a point where they're not benefiting from your decisions at your expense. The absence of boundaries in your life can have significant negative consequences. So here's how it looks and feels. The first is resentment and burnout without boundaries, you might find yourself. Um, over committed and constantly sacrificing your own needs and priorities for others leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, and burnout. As you exhaust yourself, trying to please everyone else without taking care of yourself. Lacking boundaries can also result in toxic or a codependent relationships where you might feel taken advantage of manipulated or disrespected by others. We talked about that a little bit earlier. Uh, the absence of boundaries can also contribute to a negative self image and low self-esteem. When you consistently prioritize others' needs over your own and fail to assert yourself, you might internalize the belief that your needs are not important. Or worthy of consideration, which undermines your so forth. Without boundaries, you might lack clarity and direction in your life. You might find yourself drifting aimlessly, unable to define your goals, values, and priorities. Leading to a sense of stagnation and dissatisfaction as you struggle to make meaningful progress. Towards your aspirations. Little to no boundaries result in emotional dysregulation where you feel overwhelmed by other's emotions or constantly absorb their negative energy. Without boundaries to protect your emotional wellbeing, you might experience heightened stress, anxiety, and mood swings, making it difficult to maintain stability and resilience. Again, the student who comes to class and emotionally dumps all of their problems on you. How do you protect yourself from them? Without being rude or dismissive. Number six. Boundary violations, right? When you don't have clear boundaries, you're more susceptible to boundary violations from others who may disregard your autonomy, manipulate your emotions, or invade your personal space resulting in you feeling violated disempowered and vulnerable to further exploitation. Finally without boundaries, you might struggle to assert yourself and say no to requests. Obligations or situations that are not in your best interest, leading to overcommitment people, pleasing behavior, and a lack of personal agency, which ultimately. Hinders your ability to prioritize your own wellbeing. Overall, the absence of boundaries can undermine your mental, emotional, and relational health leading to feelings of disempowerment, dissatisfaction and disconnection establishing and maintaining boundaries is essential for cultivating self-respect. Healthy relationships and a sense of purpose and fulfillment in life. If you're struggling with boundary issues. Talk with a trusted friend. Seek support from a therapist or read self-help and personal development books. All of that can help you develop the skills and confidence to set and maintain boundaries effectively. I'll leave you with this. Boundaries are a necessary part of life. And when you have healthy ones in place, You will notice how your life changes and your relationships either dissipate or evolve and grow. My intention is to continue these conversations that we don't necessarily have in teacher training. Or continuing education. I hope that this episode is a catalyst for you to pause and do some introspective work. Look at your boundaries and decide if you need to work on them a little bit more. Being cognizant of how you show up as a yoga teacher in person. And online is something you should take very seriously. I love diving into these conversations. So that you remember that there are so many important discussions to be had in the teaching world. You know that my goal is for you to love the yoga teaching life and allow it to be fulfilling and rewarding. And sometimes that takes a little bit of work. If you love this episode, let me know. Subscribe to the podcast. So you're always in the note when a new episode drops. And share it with another yoga teacher who you think would love to be in on these conversations. Thank you for helping to spread the word about this podcast. If you've been taking notes in your journal, as you listen to these episodes, I'm so glad, and I'd love to know. I've added a link in the show notes for you to send me a quick text message and no, I won't know your phone number. It's a neat addition to the platform that I use that allows for this new and super easy way for you to communicate with me. Once you click on it, it'll take you to your messages. Don't delete the code. That's how your message will get to me. And I can't wait. To hear from you. Finally, don't forget to join my newsletter. That's just for yoga teachers. I've got some exciting teachings coming up soon. So I'll want to tell you all about them. The link is in the show notes below, and I would love for you to join it so we can always stay connected. All right, that's it for now? Bye. Mhm.