Ep. 22 Love, Loss and Liberation & The Difference Between Getting Out Of Our Comfort Zone & Self Abandonment - Luci Lampe

Embracing Wholeness and Navigating Change with Luci Lampe

In this episode of 'Healed Now What?', host Lisa Dawn engages in a profound conversation with guest Luci Lampe, a trauma-informed sex and relationship coach, about self-exploration, healing, and transformation.

Luci shares her personal journey of overcoming an autoimmune disorder, embarking on spiritual awakening, and navigating the complexities of marriage, divorce, and motherhood.

Through her story, she brings to light the importance of conscious uncoupling, the depth of self-love, and the transformative power of embracing one's full identity amidst change.

The discussion delves into various modalities and practices for healing and self-discovery, including pole dancing, somatic experiencing, and embracing the wild feminine.

Luci's insights highlight the balance between honoring personal boundaries and pushing beyond comfort zones, underscoring the significance of devotional acts of love towards oneself.

Work with Lisa
Work with Luci 

00:00 Embracing Your True Self: A Journey of Liberation
00:38 Welcome to Healed Now What? Unveiling the Podcast's Mission
02:19 Introducing Lucy Lampe: A Story of Transformation and Healing
05:37 Deep Dive into Lucy's Healing Journey and Personal Growth
11:17 Navigating the Complexities of Conscious Uncoupling
15:30 The Healing Power of Inner Work and Self-Discovery
26:37 Exploring the Depths of Self and Relationships Through Astrology
31:27 Embracing Vulnerability and Community
31:41 Astrology Insights: Scorpio Rising and Leo in the 10th House
31:58 The Journey of Sharing and Being Seen
32:31 Exploring the Nuance of Comfort Zones vs. Self-Abandonment
33:00 Devotion to Love and the Challenges of Marriage
34:56 Finding the Magical Third Option in Relationships
36:17 The Importance of Boundaries and Self-Exploration
37:59 Embodying Integrity and Following Through
43:42 The Power of Movement: Pole Dancing and Self-Expression
47:02 Navigating New Experiences and the Importance of Commitment
53:00 Lucy's Offerings and Recommended Resources
56:28 Closing Thoughts and Where to Find Lucy

Transcript

lucy: 0:00

In fact, it's guaranteed that you're going to disappoint some people. You still take that step. You know how scary it was to start pole dancing to start talking about feeling through masturbation to start going to a nude beach and actually tell people that I'm doing that like it was it was just so always on the edge and yet every time it set me free it was liberating because I thought yes this is who I am and this is what I'm doing and whether I do it forever or not is irrelevant but it feels good to just be free and And known for who I really am in this version of me. And so part of that is just the self exploration too. And not hiding

Lisa: 0:40

Greetings, my friends, and welcome to another episode of Healed Now What? A podcast where we discuss life, relationships, connection, and trauma through the lens of somatic and attachment psychology, nervous system health, relationships, and self discovery. I'm Lisa Dawn, and I'm on a mission to teach people how to transform their deepest wounds into their greatest strengths by first transforming the relationship they have with themselves. So whether you've had trauma, years of failed partnerships, or just want a better relationship with your body, I've got you covered. I am a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Educator, Relationship Mentor, and Trauma Survivor. With a lifetime of experience helping not only myself, but countless others transform their lives by learning how to become the fullest versions of themselves. Learn more at www. somatic. com We do this through self awareness, connecting with their bodies and changing the way they perceive themselves and others. I have coached innumerous people how to heal their wounds and create lasting change so they can live a more joyous, passionate and fulfilling life. Thank you so much for tuning in and enjoy the show. Hey guys, Lisa Dawn here. Welcome back to another episode of the Healed Now What Podcast. Lucy Lampe is joining us on the show today. And Lucy is a fellow. Scorpion, Sagittarius, so you know we went in all kinds of places with this conversation. A little bit about Lucy. Lucy grew up as a pastor's kid and had to navigate her own journey with personal health challenges and consciously uncoupling from her marriage. She takes us on a journey through her pivotal moments, catalysts that propelled her into deeper self awareness and healing. A significant turning point was her battle with an autoimmune disorder during her fourth pregnancy, a time that demanded profound self reflection and change. And what stands out she Many things stand out, but what stands out is Lucy's relentless pursuit of connection, both with herself and others, which is rooted in love and compassion, which really comes through. Her experience with her marriage and subsequent divorce became another catalyst for immense personal and spiritual growth, allowing her to explore deeper aspects of her psyche and embracing her dark future. Lucy Lampe is a mom of four, trauma informed sex and relationship coach. She's an award winning singer and songwriter, commercial actress and print model, and a three times author. Her writing has been featured on the Huffington Post, Forbes, Entrepreneur. com, CNN. CBS and Fox after overcoming an autoimmune disorder and embarking on a deep healing journey and spiritual awaking during her then husband's two year disability and depression, Lucy returned with a bold message of love, courage and freedom professionally. She draws upon her studies and certifications in neuro linguistics. Day, pro reprogramming, somatic experiencing cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, Reiki counseling, EFT, tapping and her degree in exercise science to create a unique, powerful program and curricula for her clients and members. So without further ado, please welcome Lucy to the show. Hello, Lucy. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I'm really excited and have been looking forward to this chat.

lucy: 4:52

Yes. Thank you so much for having me, Lisa. I have been, I have been looking forward to this as well. It's been a, it's been a while since we scheduled, I think. Where are you, where are you joining us from today? So I am in Carlsbad, California, so it's just north of San Diego.

Lisa: 5:11

I love San Diego. I've been there a few times back in 2017. Just so beautiful. The ocean vibes. It is. And the cliff sides and everything. I love it. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm in Calgary. Well, just outside of Calgary in Alberta in Canada. So there ain't no ocean by me. I am not coastal in any way, shape or form right now.

lucy: 5:32

Yeah, you're in, you're inland.

Lisa: 5:34

Yeah, exactly. So I have so many, um, things I want to discuss with you today, but I think first and foremost, I'd love to know just a little bit more about you and what has led you to the work that you currently do.

lucy: 5:53

Oh, that is always a loaded question. It's so loaded. It's so loaded. I'll give you the condensed version as best as possible. Well, I, I, I like to pretty much bring it to a couple of catalysts. So one, one big catalyst is I've always been very, um, passionate about connecting with people and helping people in some capacity. It looked very different back when I was involved in the evangelical church growing up as a pastor's kid. Uh, it looks very, it looked very different than, than it does now, as you can already see. But a big catalyst for me in was actually about when was it? It was 20 2015 when it started 2016 when it really kicked in. That's when I had my fourth child. And my husband at the time where we're now divorced, um, was going through two and a half years of, of, um, depression and disability. And so there was, there was so much that we hadn't tapped into in our traumas and our wounding and our, you know, you know, all these things, um, repressed emotion that were manifesting physically. So during that pregnancy, during my fourth pregnancy, I actually developed an autoimmune disorder as well. So I was taking care of three children and working and taking care of a husband who couldn't do much and, um, and, and pregnant. So, um, my body rebelled and said, listen, We, we can't do this this way anymore. We got to change some things. So I, um, yeah, that set me on a whole spiritual journey and I had already been kind of reconstructing my faith for a bit. And that really catapulted me to explore options that I previously wouldn't have allowed myself to. So, um, I found a lot of different healing modalities. I started, I was already coaching people for years at that point. So I started to integrate those healing modalities into my work. And seeing the way that it was. He's helping people to heal. And so I just kept going deeper into that. And eventually Ryan, he started to do the deeper emotional work and trauma healing and started to go on this deeper journey with himself. So we had some beautiful years of healing and really connecting at a whole new depth and healing our families. And so, um, That was a big catalyst. And then, of course, um, COVID. COVID, I think, was a big catalyst for a lot of folks. Um, that allowed me the space to explore more of my deeper, darker psyche. I like to call it. So I started to get deeper into my dark feminine, deeper into my erotic embodiment. I started pole dancing right before COVID hit. Lockdowns happen like the month before. So I was already set at home with my pole and I just did that every single day that whole year. Um, and, uh, started getting deeper into my ancestral connections and reconnecting in that way. Um, opening up spiritually and sexually with myself. So that was a big, big catalyst. Um, and then most recently my divorce has been an incredible catalyst. When you have your heart shattered open, you really see what you're made of. Like there is so much love, so much more love that I have the capacity for now, but I didn't. before this. So, um, yeah, the work that I do is very, very, um, personal to me because it's all stuff that I have walked through and continue to practice and embody in my daily life.

Lisa: 9:37

Well, thank you so much for, for sharing those words. That's a lot.

lucy: 9:42

It's a lot. It's a lot to process.

Lisa: 9:45

I mean, as so many people's journeys, right? All of these different relationship containers and what it looks like to really go into the depths, even while being whole held in a container, a relational container in which you feel safe. And there's just no, There seems to be no end to the depth that we can even access within that, that maybe at one time in our lives was concealed from us. I can relate being in a 12 year partnership myself. I can definitely say that we've seen. A lot of things, some really, really joyful and really beautiful. And then the darkness that comes with disability and chronic pain and managing so many things all at once. So yeah, I just, I just wanted to bring that into the fold as well. So thank you. for bringing that up. And then also the conscious uncoupling. That happens. I feel like so often people think that because there's an ending that we failed

lucy: 10:52

You

Lisa: 10:53

know or like so much of our identity is tied into what we've created and what we have in in the relationship in our intimate partnership and it's like how Who are we outside of that?

lucy: 11:09

Yeah.

Lisa: 11:10

And how can we also build that within our relationship? So I guess that would come into my next question for you. Like how has this journey of conscious uncoupling been for you, uh, in the midst of loving so deeply and being so open that it hurts, you know, yes, yes,

lucy: 11:31

yes, that it's an overwhelming love. But just. It's just like you can, you could drown in it, but you don't, um, I think what a lot of people haven't realized until this point, until this point of uncoupling is that this has been years in the making, not the divorce, but my, this depth of connection with love itself and it never was dependent on my relationship. It just wasn't. I had to cultivate that from within. And I think that, um, The perception could have been, and it became clear to me that for many, the perception was that my relationship was, was a source of that. And so it's, um, the things that worked in my relationship only really thrived because this came from something deeper and the thing that sustained us both in going our separate ways with love and. No, you know, ill feelings. God, there was a lot to work through to genuinely get to that point and say, you know, I, I regret nothing. And this is the, this is the evidence or the fruit of years and years of doing the deeper work, um, within ourselves. And that, that was, that was what we did too in our marriage. We did our work individually. And then there was the container of relationship where we really got to practice and, um, put in the, put in the reps You know, reclaiming yourself, your voice, your pleasure, your, um, your sovereignty and how to be interdependent. with a partner in that.

Lisa: 13:25

Yeah. Yeah. I find that in a lot of the work that I do as well with attachment and relationship coaching and somatic healing and trauma therapy and all of that is this, uh, this. It's more like a, it's a codependence, right? But it hasn't quite evolved into interdependence where it's like, we've got these two really strong trees with their own foundations and how they move and sway together, while being separate. Well, having separate spaces, I love what you said about each of us was required to do the work separately, but then be held by the relationship container because really that's what I feel it is. It's like all of these times where we feel. you know, maybe motivated to do certain things because we want to be better partners. And really what it comes down to is like, how can we cultivate that relationship and be a better partner to ourselves in all the ways in all of our desires, and what happens when We truly get into contact with those desires, with those passions, with this inner source, that's like so powerful and so big and so full of love that it can just hold all the shit, you know, shit, bad shit and everything in between all the crazy shit, all the crazy shit, the bat shit, crazy, all of it, cause there's so much. There's so much there to be, to be experienced, you know, and when each person is doing their own work, it gives us grit to go through the hard times, the separations, the like, if you're an entrepreneur, the launch that falls on its face, like all of these things, building that muscle of capacity.

lucy: 15:27

Yeah.

Lisa: 15:27

Yeah. Yeah.

lucy: 15:29

Yeah. And the deeper question too in that for me throughout the past, I can see how the universe has been preparing me for this time. I can see, I can see very clearly in retrospect that for the previous two and a half years, I had been prepared very specifically. Not only financially getting prepared, but also emotionally building capacity for that range and being able to hold in my heart this capacity for the depth of grief that I experienced within marriage every time there was a death and a rebirth. And so it's, it's like, yeah, this was, um, this was just like the, the, the final climax. Oh, and it was, it was. It was a lot. It was intense. It was a death. Yeah.

Lisa: 16:20

Yeah. The holy pilgrimage back to ourselves.

lucy: 16:24

Yes.

Lisa: 16:25

Yeah. It's like quite often what happens when we explore these depths and these truths is that, coming back together still requires us to honor who we now are. Even in the midst of facing this familiar, this comfort, everything that we've created up until that point and having, I guess the words I want to use is the self trust to know, as you said, we've been preparing for this shit, you know, for years and years and years. And then it's the reflection of, wow. Holy crap, all of these things. No wonder that was intense because it was so fucking intense. And I also wonder within that, Lucy, how has it been to still, manage all the hearts of, the kids and what that's been like, if you want to share, if that's a personal share. So

lucy: 17:26

yeah. Yeah, it has been. I think that what that has been the most challenging part because the first, you know, I for me to hold myself and Also, I have had a lot of support. I want to make that such a big emphasis because it's so important to not just recluse for me, you know, to not just recluse and kind of just spiral. And I feel like I just cannot afford to do that on any level. So I would have my fits and throw my tantrums and feel my feelings and cry my eyes out for the first three weeks. There was not a single day that I didn't cry, at least. 10 times each day, like deep cries, you know, and, and I just let it, I let it, let it come. Um, and the kids, you know, they're, they were all processing in their own ways from the start, but also it's like, they've been prepared for this too, right. In little micro ways along the way. So they've, they've slowly let go of certain things and expectations along the way as things kind of shifted in him throughout these past couple of years. So, you know, I think that, um, It's also been a really helpful thing for them to have support because they've also had support. I've had some healers that I work with that also work with them, work with their energy, help with their, you know, just their hearts and help them to process and talk. And, um, so they don't have to keep it in. And the thing that I was the most terrified of through this was that I would literally recreate the abandonment wound that I had as a 14 year old and my kids, because my father was, he had a suicidal attempt and then they were, they took him to a, um, a mental institution and I haven't seen him since. And I thought, Oh my God, I'm literally like the, the, um, I'm create, I'm recreating things and now, holy shit. And so I really, my team of healers and supporters were like, this is not that this is not that this is the redemption of that. This is what you had to walk through to really bring this cycle to completion and heal this relationship. Extremely successful. Everything that we healed within it, every karmic thing that we closed, every wound that we exposed, that now we are, I'm in such an amazing place for whoever my next partner is. Because he didn't have to deal with all that was, that was messy, not that it's perfect, but you know, there's the, there's a real messy part. And that was 17 years of marriage. And so, um, but yeah, they've been, they've been processing in their own way. We have a very open dialogue. So we do, you know, regroup every day we talk, I talked to all of them. And, um, and we just see where everybody's hearts are at. And, um, it's cool because my oldest two are teen teenage girls in high school. Yeah. And so we get to just kind of hang out and be girls together and talk and, and it's, uh, there's a, there's a more tight knit, um, feeling of connection between the five of us now, which is really interesting.

Lisa: 20:36

I mean, how beautiful is that? I think that this is what our times are calling for. Is how can we treat the people in front of us, even though we're deciding to go our separate ways with like, this is a God and in front of me, this is a whole, this is a whole being in front of me. And how can we show our kids to repair that endings can happen with love. And that we can still be together in a different kind of way, instead of, it doesn't have to be hate. That's right. It doesn't have to be hate. And granted, I mean, if there's abuse and things like that involves sometimes connections have to be cut, but there are other times where. we can approach situations like adults. Yes. With, uh, instead of our wounded child.

lucy: 21:32

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Hence all of the inner child work really coming in handy in this, in this context. Yeah. And also I feel a lot more of my inner teen through talking with my kids through this. Yeah. Telling them the things that I didn't know I needed to hear when I was that age.

Lisa: 21:51

Oh my

lucy: 21:51

god. And I thought, my biggest thing, I had a realization one day, an aha moment where after a healing session with my girl Priscilla here she, I said um, I just realized that all these years I'd carried this. belief that if only I had been an easier child to love, my dad wouldn't have had to leave. And it's not like we had a difficult relationship. I just, I stressed out my mom because I'm a girl existing in the world and when you're as conservative as she was, it was stressful as fuck trying to keep me safe and not, you know, and so I, I thought, Oh, if, if I would have just been. Easier, he wouldn't have had to leave. And I re and I recognize how I projected that into my marriage. And I realized though, I did make it easy. I made it not easy as you know, as easy as can be and, and loving and a, and a nurturing place. And he still had to go, has nothing to do with me. And so really honoring his journey and that this is his truth. It takes a lot of courage to follow your true North at the risk of losing everything. And, you know, so, yeah, it's, it's been, I've never seen an uncoupling like this and I did, I don't have any reference points. We just had to go, you know, uh, from our hearts. Yeah. Follow

Lisa: 23:06

that. Totally. It's realizing that owning our truths requires us to surrender it all. Even if that means losing what's familiar and comfortable so that both people can thrive in a way that they were meant to. Yeah. Yeah.

lucy: 23:24

Yeah.

Lisa: 23:26

Yeah. So, so beautiful. And also, coming back into contact with that inner teenage girl, like that's a lot to hold, those beliefs and when they go unquestioned for our entire lives, they are just under the surface. You know, we don't even know it, but we're operating all the things we say, all the things we do are for the most part operating from these different beliefs that we hold. So what a beautiful thing to be able to challenge that.

lucy: 24:00

Yes. Yes. And often it's a new relationship

Lisa: 24:03

or through our healers or through the conversations that maybe we didn't get to have. I think about this time when I connected with my mom. And because I was trying to get to know more about myself. There's a lot about my past I don't remember. And so, I had asked her one day, like, how was I? As a kid, because I had this belief that I was selfish and self centered and just like only cared about myself. And my mom was like, are you kidding me? She's like, you would come home from school and collect things like erasers, pencils, things for the kids at school that were in need because not everyone has what you have. That's what I would tell her, you know? And then this other time I created a kissing corner. And the thought I had about it is like, Oh, I'm just promiscuous even then, I literally thought that and it was like, no, I set that up because kids needed hugs and kisses that they weren't getting. So I had all these beliefs about me being, you know, Selfish and promiscuous. And even then I was a troublemaker, but no, what a beautiful thing to challenge that. And I could even feel as I was having this conversation with my mom, like this opening of, Oh my God, like I had it wrong. That's so was not true. Yeah. I think I had that conversation at 40, like this was three years ago. I was like, really? I've been carrying this around for 40 years, but

lucy: 25:43

that's the way these things

Lisa: 25:44

work, right?

lucy: 25:46

Yeah.

Lisa: 25:46

we don't know until we know until we're in connection with other human beings until we've had these like deepening experiences with ourselves that allows for the depths and our inner. Children are inner, teenagers are inner, 20 year old, 30 year old, 40 year old, whatever it is. you know, to come forward and be witnessed in a new way. So, yes, yes.

lucy: 26:11

And there are layers, they're layers and they're not all, they can't all come up at once. It would literally overwhelm us. Yeah. So, you know, one, one at a time, but yeah, having these weekly healing sessions has helped a lot, just open up and, and now this far in, you know, we do our sessions and it's like, Oh, it feels so good. There's not all this heavy grief anymore. That's right. There's a lightness. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah.

Lisa: 26:37

I was reading a quote cause I just, I love your Instagram page. I think I started following you. I don't know, about a year and a half ago or so. Oh wow. And I saw your, I saw you on the poll and I was like, yeah, I'm like, everybody needs that poll. Yeah. Everybody needs that poll. Everybody get to a poll. That's right. Right now. Part of the healing. That's right. But I loved this one. I mean, I loved a lot of the quotes that you put on there, but I think a recent one was, the universe doesn't reward our childish demands. It responds to our recognition of our worth. Mm. Yeah.

lucy: 27:13

Mm. Right? These, these come to me. I sit and I just allow, yeah. And these words come and there are just as much messages for me as they are for anybody else.

Lisa: 27:25

Yeah, absolutely. And then there was this other one, I think it was on the same, um, little, whatever you call them, the slides, the universe doesn't reward us for ignoring our pain. It responds to our willingness to feel release and alchemize. Because truly that's what it is. It's an L chemical process that's affecting all of ourselves, the way that we hold our bodies, the way that we're either closed in on ourselves or open to the world, the way that we, um, yeah, pole dance, like move, walk, are able to look at people in the eyes and really just stand there saying this is me and it's, it's perfect just as it is.

lucy: 28:10

Yeah, to be fully us. And that is the most, I think for me too, it, um, once I really started to tap into those darker aspects of myself and I wasn't scared of them anymore, because half of my chart is Scorpio. Yeah. You know that? Yeah. I got a lot of Scorpio too. And then the other half is pretty much Sagittarius. Me too! I'm seven, equal parts Scorpio and Sagittarius. So I tell people, you're going to get my fun, like crazy, goofy, goofy, goofy side, or my really dark and, you know, Scorpio. serious and we're gonna die today and be reborn, you know, in the underworld. And so that just that, that alchemical process does come naturally to me.

Lisa: 28:49

Yeah.

lucy: 28:50

Scorpio is the most intense sign of the Zodiac. And so once I really recognize how much me that was, I really got to tap in. And so these cycles of death and rebirth, They just happen again and again and again, and we're just in it, we're just in it. And then part of my thing personally is actually sharing in as much real time as possible. And I got such deep confirmation of that through this process of uncoupling. Um, with my people that I've worked with that are professionals in astrology and, and medium work and everything like, yeah, this is literally what heals you is sharing the process as you heal others. And so it's a symbiotic relationship. And the more you do that, the more of these like shards of energetic, the energetic shards are being released from your throat. And um, boy, has that been true to the

Lisa: 29:44

rebirth. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. To the rebirth. I, yeah, I can relate Being a Scorpio rising at one. Yes, same. Yep. Yeah. I'm like in it. I'm like, you wanna go in the gutter today? Let's go Let's go. Let's roll around in the dirt. Let's get naked. Let's go there. Run around. Let's get the soil.

lucy: 30:01

Yeah, let's how at the MO and myself note in Scorpio too. So that whole axis we had for those two years, that was fucking intense. Yeah. That's what prepared me for this. Yeah,

Lisa: 30:13

it is that, oh, that understanding of, there was a time where I thought that I was a Virgo rising, not to like go too deep into the astrology, but my mom gave me the wrong time. Right. I was like, no, it doesn't make any sense to me, but I had had years. Okay, of readings done. Thousands of dollars. Oh no. And then my mom came at me and she's like, Oh Lisa, I was just looking through your, your birth book. And you know, the time's 4 54 AM. Not 1 15. I was like, That changes everything. But then when I found out I was Scorpio rising, I was like, Oh, okay. Like this makes sense. You know, all of these, the journey of becoming living, dying, going through that process over and over and over again, you know, all these deep initiations into loss and grief and chronic pain and just relationship woes and abuse and all of that, you know, and being able to To really alchemize that for myself first and then share exactly as you're saying, you know, cause how healing is that to not feel alone in that,

lucy: 31:27

you know, like I'm

Lisa: 31:28

too intense. I'm too much. Oh my God. My life is just like spinning around and around, but I don't have anyone to share that with. You know, isolation is a real, is a real thing.

lucy: 31:40

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so also if you have, you know, a Scorpio rising, then you might have the Leo in the 10th house. That's my only Leo placement in my entire chart. And it's like, Hey, we're here to share and be seen about these things. That's right. Um, yeah.

Lisa: 31:54

Which isn't always comfortable. No, no, but it does become more

lucy: 31:58

normal. Uh, it's been about five years of sharing very openly and the first few were definitely the hardest. The last couple it's just been like, Oh, this is me. This is me now. This is what I do.

Lisa: 32:08

Yeah. Yeah. So beautiful.

lucy: 32:11

And

Lisa: 32:12

we're all so grateful for it.

lucy: 32:14

We get to take these

Lisa: 32:15

wisdom nuggets from you. It brings

lucy: 32:16

these people, these like hearted, like minded people that are at this level of openness and consciousness, and that has been amazing to see, this community of people. That is amazing. That is there.

Lisa: 32:31

So I'm wondering within that, you know, a question that I have, and I think you've spoken about this probably in one of your lives or in one of your posts, but that difference between getting out of your comfort zone and abandoning yourself.

lucy: 32:47

Yes.

Lisa: 32:48

Yeah. Oh,

lucy: 32:49

it is a fine line. And this is, there is so much nuance in this, so it's not something I can really spell out. You've got to really feel into it in your individual context and situation. But for me, what I found was that As a woman who is devoted to love, to love, the source of love that equates God, goddess universe, this oneness, this consciousness, that love, I'm devoted to that. And so my marriage was a secondary, it was a place for me to flow that love into, for me to practice that devotion, right? So, um, I had a lot of practice in getting out of my comfort zone, which is more just like my preferences, my ego's preferences. Like, I don't want to apologize, I don't want to have to, you know, like, make my thing wait. I want to do my thing now, and I need, like, I need it now. But for me to recognize that there's a deeper truth, or a bigger vision, and something that was even more resonant than the immediate urge to have whatever thing, or whatever more urge, urge fulfilled. Um, because when we, when we recognize it, sometimes there are meant to be offerings To love that are not sacrifices of yourself and you feel you begin to feel the difference in how that actually lands in your body and in your heart, you begin to be able to discern the difference. Between getting out of your comfort zone and abandoning yourself now for me the catalyst in our divorce It just literally came to a point where he needed to go in a direction he was so sure 100 percent in his heart that he needed to go in that I knew that if I followed him there, I would be abandoning myself because there is this big clear vision that is exactly not that. And so I've had these micro moments throughout all of these years to practice. Hey, okay, what is the magical third option? Here's what you want. Here's what I want. And then there's something new that we create together. And that's how relationships work. And so we both would get out of our comfort zones and expand our capacity to love each other. While still honoring our truths, no one had to give up their truth. And we knew that if it ever came to a point where one of us would have to do that, then that's the point where we have to say goodbye to the marriage and the relationship changes more. So it really is something that you, that each person has to feel deeply into. And notice, is there any resentment? If I'm choosing to do this, is there any, do I feel like the other person owes me something now because I'm doing this for them or I'm doing this for the relationship? Cause we, as women, especially we are incredible martyrs and that's something to really be aware of. And that's why we bring it back to this source and we connect with that deeper. I like to work very intimately with the mother. So the God as the mother and let her, you know, Work, work these things out in me and purify the little like angst and the anxiousness and the entitlements and all of that so that I can get down to the core of what it is I'm really here to do.

Lisa: 36:17

Yeah. And I think that you're hitting the nail on the head with, I mean, this is the importance of the work is that so that we can get down to the nuance of a lifetime of potentially people pleasing and doing things outside of our own wholeness. Not moving from our own center in order to be something for someone else rather than to be someone for us. You know, and quite often that does look like abandoning ourselves and not knowing our boundaries or doing questionable things that, can really affect us for many years to come. And so this discernment. That comes from looking into the, the darkness and seeing what's there and holding our truths with self compassion and saying the hard fucking things, like the conversations, Oh my God, the conversations that need to happen in a container of truth. Yes. And I mean the truths in, you know, them, those truths that like come right here and you're like, I don't know if I say this, it could be. If I admit this piece of myself, it could mean an ending, especially if you know that your partner's not going in that direction. And those are the exact truths that set us free.

lucy: 37:48

Yes. Yes. We have to go into them. And if we don't, we're just, we're, we're either abandoning, then we're abandoning ourselves. That's what we're doing in those moments.

Lisa: 37:59

It's like connecting to our wholeness and embodying our integrity, which I think that you spoke those words to, let's speak more to that, connecting to our wholeness and embodying our own integrity. Again, it's personal. Every person knows what that is for them. And sometimes we don't, you know, when we're flailing around in the dark, sometimes it's really hard. And that's why it's important to have a team. of folks that you can really count on and depend on that can feed you and water you and check in on you when these times come up.

lucy: 38:34

Yeah, and friends that can call you out on your bullshit and also really see your heart and say, Hey, you know what? I know this thing makes no logical sense, but I know you and This is perfect for you. And so I'm with you. I support you. And to have your back and things that like an average person wouldn't know what to do with, you know, um, but yeah, embodying our integrity. I mean, first we've got to be connected to our hearts. That's right. That's just a no brainer. That is a non negotiable. Step one, connect to your heart. And oh my god, that was years in the making for me because it's uncovering all of these things of, you know, what is it that I think I want because I've been told that I should want it. That's right. You know, and how should I be as a woman, as a mother, as a, as a wife, as a public, you know, creator, as a business woman, like, but who the fuck do I want to be?

Lisa: 39:25

That's right. You know,

lucy: 39:26

so it's really digging past all that and not, and in spite of the fear. And very high probability. In fact, it's guaranteed that you're going to disappoint some people. You still take that step. You know how scary it was to start pole dancing to start talking about feeling through masturbation to start going to a nude beach and actually tell people that I'm doing that like it was it was just so always on the edge and yet every time it set me free it was liberating because I thought yes this is who I am and this is what I'm doing and whether I do it forever or not is irrelevant but it feels good to just be free and And known for who I really am in this version of me. And so part of that is just the self exploration too. And not hiding. Now, not everyone has to be as public as I am, or maybe you, right? Because we're also, we're just built for this a little different. And not everyone is going to be as public. But if you just have, you exercise the courage to take those steps. And every time you hit that next threshold, You still just step just a little bit more and you're doing this to honor your heart and where it is calling you to go and where your soul is compelling you to explore. And the more that you keep doing that, you build more trust in yourself. You build more trust in your inner wisdom. You, you build more trust in the universe that you're being guided and that it will not guide you wrong. That there's always, it's always working out for you. And, That's all step one. Step one,

Lisa: 41:01

you guys heard that?

lucy: 41:03

Step one. Somebody write this down, we need a. Who's transcribing this. Who's transcribing this? And then you follow through, really the next thing is following through. That's the integrity piece. Because if I know that my heart wants this particular thing in my life. And I am, my actions are showing to the universe that I really don't, that I'm not in integrity with myself. Right. But it's also honoring my word, honoring my word. Like when I said, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go batshit crazy in your face anymore to actually honor that. Yeah. And follow through with that and do the inner workings to my own process that needed to be done.

Lisa: 41:47

Yeah, this idea of truth requires action and only you can know what that action is. And like, we know, we know when there's something we need to do and we're just not doing it. We do know. Sometimes,

lucy: 42:00

some people need a little extra validation. That's right. To say, no, yes, do the thing. You're on the right, you're on the right track.

Lisa: 42:07

Well, and we can get better at noticing those, uh, things. Self sabotaging patterns when we get to that kind of, you know, what's called the upper limit where we're about to have, you know, a breakthrough or something's about to give. And then all of a sudden we can feel ourselves like wanting to go and hide in a cave somewhere or like resisting the thing, you know, or putting it off, procrastinating it. And I mean, granted, there are times when we're just not ready for certain things. You know, but that's, that's, that's not that inkling if it's true, it's going to keep coming back up. It's going to keep on showing you itself in different ways, whether that be through life experiences or relationships or, you know, whatever it is, like not feeling fulfilled because we all, we know that feeling too of like, man. You know, everything's going great, but yet something is dying inside of me. What's still missing? Yeah. What, what is that? Sometimes

lucy: 43:07

what's dying is, is like this past version that it's terrified to become this one because it's new and familiar. So, and that's always happening. Always. And I think that Scorpio placements, we have a gift of just knowing that that's the way of life.

Lisa: 43:21

Yeah.

lucy: 43:22

And we count on it. In fact. Yeah. Shit's going to be hard. So prepare for it. Yeah. It's just going to change. It's going to change. Change is great. It's just, you keep like expanding and shedding your skin and you know, becoming a new creature

Lisa: 43:39

and I know I'm here for this. I'm here for it too. And I wonder too, was that part of the pole dancing, um, and movement practices and all these different somatic experiences that you share so openly about. Was that you a portion of you tapping into your own self pleasure like outside of like, you know, masturbation and yes, I mean, I like those things too. Yes. All of the above. All of the above. Yes, it was 100 percent Yeah, what was it about the pole that was drawing you in? Do you remember? I

lucy: 44:19

actually Okay, so the reason that I initially Even started the poll. My plan was I'm going to do this for four weeks. And I had just, I'd actually taken a full year off of coaching because I thought I just need a break from all these people and their problems. And I just like waved out and I'm just going to create, I'm going to create music. That's my art. And so I went fully into artist mode and I released an album. It was the first full album I'd released. I wrote like. 40 songs in three months. It was just waiting to pour out of channeled. Yes, yes. It just channeled and, and then I started performing and going back out to award shows and things. And, and, um, and, uh, then of course COVID happened, but you know, that was already kind of calling me back into the, the coaching space. And I was very resistant. No universe. No. Um, but this, but I just went at it from a whole different perspective this time around, as you can see. Um, but I had a music video that I wanted to film. And I had this, I, this vision for floor dance, chair dance, and pole dance. And so I wanted this little 30 second portion of it to be pole dancing. And I thought, I need to be, it has to be me. You know, so I need to get proficient enough to do just a few little cool things and comfortably. So I started in that whole first month, I was covered in bruises. I felt like I had my ass kicked. It was so hard. And here I was already someone who could lift nearly twice my body weight before this. And I, I kicked my ass. So, um, I fell in love with it. I fell in love with it. And we shot the video. It's funny now. Cause I'm like, Oh, look at me as a beginner. Um, but we shot the video and I kept training and I just, I felt this. Um, so with the pole physically, there's this tension. Right. So it's kind of like this master and pull of the, of the dynamic and you're flowing with it and you're feeling it and you're, you're, um, exploring it's, you know, it's, it's smoothness and the coolness and you're, and you're, you're gripping and just everything about it's, it's essential experience. And so I really, um, learned how to move more. Essentially with intention, as opposed to learning a choreography, because I've been getting into choreographed dancing and especially for performances, but this just helped me to really get into the flow of how my body wants to express itself in that day. So yeah, that, and I do this also off the pole, but on the pole, there's a, of course, a lot more

Lisa: 46:52

that you can do that's unique to that. Yeah. This combination of movement and stillness. Yeah. How they each play a very significant role and again it comes down to this nuance of getting to know yourself in these intimate ways and like what the times are calling for and even that. Is sometimes confusing those impulses we have like, Oh man, you, again, it's like a second, a blink, you know, oftentimes for me, cause I'm a very visual person. I'll just get like an image of me doing some artwork, or whatever that looks like, or I'll get an image of me going outside and rolling around in the snow, or I'll get an image of, whatever it is, me playing my ukulele. Cause this is my new thing. Right. I'm learning. It's so sweet. Oh my God. And I avoid it. I do. I avoid it. You know, I, I, I have my partner, my husband that I live with, and he's been playing musical instruments since he was like nine. Right. So he's like, Oh, he's like, yeah, I'm a beginner. He like held up the ukulele behind his head and was like playing the song that I've been trying to learn for weeks. I'm like, okay. Okay. Show off. No show off. But he's, yeah, he's a humble guy, but he just, you know, it's natural for him. So natural, like all of these instruments. And then we have our neighbor who also lives on the same property. And I said to both of them, like, I want to jam with you. Cause I want to learn how to flow in these spaces of, for me, extreme uncomfortability, like, I don't know shit about music. But I want to know I'm a white person. Yeah, I'm a white belt. Yes, exactly. You know, and there's got to be a white belt at something. You got to, you got to start somewhere. So I called it, I planned it. And then when we went down to jam, I was like, Like, I don't, I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know where to go. Like, can someone just start and maybe I'll like join in. And so it's a constant because it's not like it's getting easier yet because I'm still a beginner, but I have to keep forcing myself because it's something that I said I wanted to do. So there's that whole thing

lucy: 49:13

too. Yeah. And even that it's like, there's a difference between forcing ourselves like and hating it and really committing to our follow through because there's such a compelling vision that we're like, no, I, I'm going to show up. I'm going to show

Lisa: 49:26

up. Exactly. and the whole, for me, I need deadlines. Oh, I, I used to pretend that I didn't, I was like, Oh yeah, I don't need no deadline. And then things would just sit, but it really does help even with ukulele. I'm like, okay, I'm a practice. And then I plan to perform at an open mic, you know, a couple months from now. And so I've made that I've said that out loud to people who I know are going to like hold me accountable. Yeah, and I know it's right because I both am like, like really scared to do it, but really excited. That's the magical combo right there. The magical combo. So yeah, I wanted to bring that into the fold because so often we just, we give up too soon. Yes.

lucy: 50:13

Yes. And often not because this thing isn't compelling us, but because we're afraid of looking bad. We're afraid of sucking at something. We're afraid of white belts. Yeah. Yeah. And me doing jujitsu as a white belt, I competed in that. And it was a, it was a big deal for me because I'm like, I'm a little rookie and I'm, you know, you're out there just all scrappy. And this was. Like, like over a decade ago in Nashville. But, um, yeah, there's a lot to be said about that, about following through with something because you are so devoted to love. So I see these things as devotional acts of love. Yeah. When I come in here and I do my daily morning rituals every day, every day. Now, if I am on the first couple of days of my cycle, it may look different. It does not as maybe less intense. Everything flows. perfectly for that day. Um, but that is my, it is a devotional practice to love. I know that as I create space for that and I'm consistent with it, same for my self pleasure practice, same for my, um, anything that I do that, that is, that is, um, nourishing that I know is a source of me receiving nourishment from source. Um, even if I don't feel like it, I show up and I'm just there with what's present, just present with what's present. And sometimes that's all it is. And that's enough.

Lisa: 51:37

Present with what's present. I often find that with, um, breath work. Oh, that's another thing, the breath work practices and how, you know, just yesterday I was doing, um, a practice and it was a short one, but it was a powerful one. And I remember I was, maybe two minutes in. And inside I was just like, Oh, I don't want to do this. And again, it would have been really easy just to stop. I'm like, this is the thing that wants to, to be born today. This is the thing that wants to come out of me. And I don't know exactly where this practice is going to lead to, but I do know that I'm feeling tension and resistance to it. So maybe I can just, maybe I could go another 30 seconds, you know, maybe I can go another minute. Maybe I can just take it moment to moment and see what arises because one thing is certain. Everything changes moment to moment. We just don't know how we're going to feel at the end of something or throughout. And can we just allow that wave to, or can we ride that wave? Can we be present to presence?

lucy: 52:49

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's going to change.

Lisa: 52:52

Because it's going to change. Yeah. So. So many things. So many beautiful things. So I'm wondering, Lucy, if you could tell us more about, um, your offerings, like the wild feminine embodiment, wildly sovereign, or even the, the conscious uncoupling. Because I know these are all really poignant things that so many people are navigating Right now, how to step more fully into themselves, how to, love up on themselves, how to make a devotion to love, which I love that, that wording, cause it's in everything it's in the singing, it's in the dancing, it's in the ritual, it's in the, you know, how we walk, how we move. So I would love to hear more about that.

lucy: 53:38

Yes. Well, so right now, the, the bundle that I've carefully put together, the, the very specific courses to help women really embody more of their sovereignty and self love, self healing is the wildly embodied self love bundle. So that one has a six courses. So, um, the conscious self pleasure course come as you are, that one is, um, ideal for anyone who wants to really reclaim their pleasure and acts and use that as an access point to something higher, something bigger, something deeper, and also some profound sexual healing. So that has a lot of guided practices and teaching videos and all of that. Um, and then there's wild arrows. That's the wild feminine embodiment course. So those who feel like they have all this feminine fire and rage and just intensity, and they don't know what to do with it and how to work with it. That's The course for that. Um, and then wildly sovereign is the one that just released last week, but it is evergreen so you can start it whenever. Um, it's just came out though. Um, and that's really about reclaiming your voice, embodying your boundaries, integrating this dark and light feminine within you, and standing in that sovereignty where you're, it's, it's no longer this place of like, this is what I'm gonna do, but it's like very centered in your inner wisdom. And, um, and then there are some other courses in there, like the inner child healing course and a couple others that if they, you know, would, would, when it makes sense for them to explore. It's a lot of, you know, processes. So I would just take one course at a time and, and really digest what it has to offer.

Lisa: 55:20

Thank you for, for sharing those. And I also wonder if there are, other resources or any books or anything that you're just really vibing on right now. Yeah. That's super helpful.

lucy: 55:33

Yes, one of my favorite books, it's kind of long, worth the read, and it's on Audible, is A Return to Eros by Mark Gaffney and Christina Kincaid, that was, you just gotta get into that one. Um, another one is one that I'm actually reading now, let me see what the title is. It's um, do do do do do, this author, I also ordered her book about intimacy, per a very good friend's recommendation. Her name is Sobonfu Somei, and she's an African woman. It's called Women's Wisdom from the Heart of Africa, and it's so beautiful speaking on the initiation into womanhood, and sacredness of our bleed, and womanhood, and sisterhood, and the spiritual journeys, and all that. These are a couple, couple to get you started.

Lisa: 56:27

Thank you so much. And also within that, um, where can people find you? They want to come and hang out in your world and hear you, talk about all the truths and all the things that are going on in your life and share some really profound teachings.

lucy: 56:42

Yes. Well, the main place I like to share is on Instagram. Um, so you can find me there at Lucy Lampe. And then my website is Lucy limpy. com and that's where all the current offerings and coaching for anyone who wants more personal support will also be.

Lisa: 56:57

Thank you so much. I'll put those in the show notes. And I just, I want to say, Lucy, thank you so much for being here today and sharing your story and some wisdom nuggets with us. It was a really beautiful conversation and I'm really happy to have had it with you. So thank you.

lucy: 57:15

Thank you to Lisa. I love, and you know, I love me some Scorpio rising. Of course we vibe. Scorpios unite. I tend to attract a lot of Scorpio energy and I'm, I love it. Scorpios and Sagittarius. They're my people. That's right.

Lisa: 57:32

Well, have the most incredible day and we'll be, I'm sure connecting more on the old Instagram or wherever our paths take us next.

lucy: 57:42

Yes. Thank you, Lisa.

Lisa: 57:44

Bye for now. As always, thank you so much for listening. Life is busy, so it means even more to me that you are here. Listen, we've got so many great episodes coming up, so please make sure that you follow along on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you are listening. And if you appreciate these episodes, please do us a favor and leave a review and share the show with anyone you think this episode would benefit. See you again next week.