Ep. 26 Anxious to Empowered: Transforming Social Anxiety - Mini Solo-Episode

In this episode of the 'Healed Now What?' podcast, host Lisa Dawn, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Educator, Relationship Mentor, and Trauma Survivor, discusses how to overcome social anxiety by fostering a deep connection with oneself. 

Lisa shares her personal journey of dealing with crippling social anxiety, how she faced her fears by engaging with somatic experiencing practices, and the transformative power of self-awareness and self-trust in healing. 

The podcast emphasizes the significance of attachment psychology, nervous system health, and the relationship we have with our bodies to achieve a joyous, passionate, and fulfilling life. 

By recounting her experience of healing from trauma and social anxiety, Lisa aims to inspire listeners to transform their wounds into strengths through self-discovery and nurturing relationships.

Connect over on Instagram. If you have some topics you'd like to to go deeper into, please direct message me, I'd love to hear from you. 

00:00 Welcome to Healed Now What?

01:21 Exploring Social Anxiety and Its Roots

02:39 My Journey Through Social Anxiety

05:18 The Transformation: From Anxiety to Connection

10:05 Embracing the Power of Surrender and Love

13:36 Cultivating Safety and Comfort in Relationships

18:03 Connecting with Our Bodies: A Somatic Practice

20:13 The Healing Journey: Trusting Our Bodies and Ourselves

22:14 Reflections and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Lisa: 0:01

Greetings, my friends, and welcome to another episode of Healed Now What? A podcast where we discuss life, relationships, connection, and trauma through the lens of somatic and attachment psychology, nervous system health, relationships, and self discovery. I'm Lisa Dawn, and I'm on a mission to teach people how to transform their deepest wounds into their greatest strengths by first transforming the relationship they have with themselves. So whether you've had trauma, years of failed partnerships, or just want a better relationship with your body, I've got you covered. I am a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Educator, Relationship Mentor, and Trauma Survivor. With a lifetime of experience helping not only myself, but countless others transform their lives by learning how to become the fullest versions of themselves. Learn more at www. somatic. com We do this through self awareness, connecting with their bodies and changing the way they perceive themselves and others. I have coached innumerous people how to heal their wounds and create lasting change so they can live a more joyous, passionate and fulfilling life. Thank you so much for tuning in and enjoy the show. Hi, friends, welcome back to another week of the Healed Now What Podcast with your host me, Lisa Dawn. I wanted to talk a bit about social anxiety and how that ties into our nervous system responses and the way that we relate to others in our most intimate partnerships. And to also give some examples of how we may overcome it. Also, if you've been tuning into the show and you have some topics you'd love me to cover, please direct message me over on Instagram. I love hearing from you, and I'll leave that link in the show notes. So this week's topic was something I found to be especially challenging for myself for many, many years. And it was also something that I didn't think I'd ever get relief from or feel okay about. So if you're currently stuck in the grip of social anxiety or just anxiety in general, this episode is for you. I'd love to start by giving an example, I, a personal one, of course, people are getting to know me really well over here. So for a long time, I had pretty crippling social anxiety, especially when I was at the apex of my own personal trauma vortex and also beyond. It just kind of became who I was. I didn't remember a time when I just felt okay in social settings. So I just started to build an inner foundation of self trust and self reliance through various trainings on attachment and internal family systems when Somatic Experiencing Curriculum. And let me tell you, I was nervous as shit about arriving at the live events because my anxiety was through the roof. I didn't do well with breaks and having to socialize. Small talk just was not for me. And God forbid I was called upon to answer a question or speak with the instructors as I also had a fear of authority figures that showed up in many strange ways. And that my friends is another show for another day. So I had spent so many years, it felt like a lifetime rehearsing what I was going to say in conversation, barely able to actually listen to another person. I was terrified actually of being seen, of taking up space, of being witnessed. And lucky for me, Somatic experiencing is all about relating not only to yourself, but to others. And I really didn't know how relational it would be until I landed in my first module, where we were asked to make connections with other people around us, barf, or at least that's how I was feeling at the time. I didn't sign up for this, this connecting with others bit. So for half of the year, I never put up my hand to ask questions. I made myself unavailable during breaks and I just kept to myself. So comfortable. Only I was feeling this constriction and the part of myself that didn't want to hide anymore was like, hello, Lisa. Like, for fuck's sakes, let's go. Can we take a step towards this fear? That part that felt anxiety, the anxiety of not showing up the way my soul was literally dying to show up in relation to other people. So it was in those moments because, I mean, I had two, three years of this. So, and I didn't want it to be a nightmare. So I decided to take small steps. I started by not leaving the premises. On breaks and connecting with a few of the other students, as awkward as it was at first. Then I began asking the instructors questions in private instead of in front of the group. And each time I did this, I celebrated hard. And thank the part of me that was scared and anxious for coming out and teaching it that it wasn't so scary after all. And of course, in the meantime, I was also working with my own somatic therapist. And so months and months went by and, you know, by the third module of the first year, I had this impulse to put my hand up to ask a question. I didn't feel fear. I didn't feel anxiety. I only had curiosity and a burning question that I simply had to have answered. And it actually wasn't until after I asked the question that I realized, Holy shit! Did I just put my hand up in front of like a hundred other people and ask a question without freezing up, my voice squeaking, or profuse sweating? Yeah, I did that and oh my God, how did this feel so natural when for so many years it was so painful for me? And so in the world of attachment what I had just experienced or achieved rather was comfortability in the relational field. Meaning, I had built up enough internal trust and safety within myself that I could just show up and know that what I had to say mattered. Because at some point in my life, I had been made to feel like I didn't matter. I needed to reclaim that I did. So my internal experience of anxiety and social awkwardness was no longer running the show. I mean, it still pops up here and there, but it's no longer what it once was. And this is also part of our social engagement system. The part that when it's functioning well, it allows us to feel a sense of bonding with others. It allows for contact and communication, intimacy, play and flow. I had spent so many years fitting in, camouflaging, isolating myself, that my biology was just, it always felt like it was under threat. So my job was to address some of the places where my body seemed out of sync with present moment situations, where the past was infringing on my present moment. I had to teach my body that, hey, I belong now. And what was also happening was that I had released some trauma that had been stored as an incomplete flight response, which usually presents as panic or anxiety when left unattended. When I was young, I couldn't get away from an abusive situation. And so what was happening biologically was that my body had stored that trauma as implicit memory, which in short is information that we remember unconsciously and effortlessly. Unconsciously and effortlessly and because the situation was overwhelming, it didn't process through the higher functions of my brain, especially the hippocampus, which houses location and time. So it all kind of got merged together and this is how it works. No depth of time. And as long as that experience lived in my implicit memory, when I, when it got triggered, I'd go back to that age. The anxiety. The lack of social connection, the support, the lack of self trust, the overwhelming urge to flee the scene. Oh, so much was stored there. So unbeknownst to me, I needed to fill in the needs of what that five year old Lisa needed. That combined with developing a relationship with my body eliminated social anxiety for me. I needed to do this so that my inner child could stop usurping my adult relationships and the situations that I wanted and needed access to my sovereignty. So when we do this work, what will appear before us is a life unlike the past. Snap, snap, snap. A life unlike the past. This also ties into the cultivation of rest and surrender and integration. Which is kind of like eating healthy food. It doesn't give us an immediate rush, but over time it provides so much more. And something happens when we get to know ourselves. We melt into another world, a realm of power that already lives within us. And surrender means the decision to stop fighting, but to start loving instead. It's like this gentle liberation from pain. And all of this work we do gives us the strength to do things differently. Just one sincere surrendered moment when we've been hurt, instead of shutting down and going into our old patterns of running away or becoming anxious, we just simply open and say, not this time, I'm going to keep on going. I'm going to keep on loving. I am going to keep fucking loving. And I'm going to stand in this because I know things can be different. Somewhere inside of me knows this because we are born wired for connection. So no matter what happens to us, we will always have this remembrance. No, no matter how deeply it is buried within. This results in taking on a more gentle expression of one sincere surrendered moment when love matters more than anything, when my questions matter more than anything, when connecting with a schoolmate matters more than anything. And that is when miracles happen. Miracles reflect a change in how we think, in how we direct our bodies, how we roll in relationships. We gain access to the power of our minds and our bodies, and they begin to act in favor of our expansion. And this gives us strength and resilience. This can also take on many forms such as physical healing, material healing, sometimes we are less anxious at parties or social events, more socially available, emotionally available. It is a shift in how we perceive our situation, how we hold an experience in our minds and in our bodies, how we experience the experience. We're not asking for something outside of us to change, but for something inside of us to change. We are looking for a softer side of life. And if we think about it, our self perception determines our behavior. If we think we are unlovable, awkward, and not sufficient, we We tend to behave in that way and the energy we radiate will reflect those beliefs no matter what we do. If we tend to think we are magnificent with an abundance of love, friendships, and success, then we tend to behave in that way. And all this knowing that when we engage in this, um, It's in this work and in these reflections, the help may not come how we thought or in the form we desired, but it will come and we will recognize it by how we feel despite our circumstances, we will feel more at peace. So a really beautiful exercise for bringing more safety and more comfort to our attachment system when we are struggling is to begin to remember. Who are the people in our lives that truly want what's best for us or wanted what's best for us? We can do this by asking the question, who really supported me? Who has helped me become the person I am today with the capacities I have now? Who loved me into being? Who was a deep resource for me? Who has cared you into being? And this could be anyone. It doesn't even have to be your immediate family. It could be a baseball coach. It could be a music instructor. It could be a neighbor who always had cookies for you. It could be literally anyone. And if no human comes to mind, it could also be our pets who are just so good to us all the time. Except, of course, when they're not listening. So just really thinking about those who have cared about us and wanted the best for us in life. Just take 10 seconds right now to think about those people. I'm just gonna give some space here to really call to mind those people, those folks. Maybe they come up as images or The way that you may, they made you feel. Hmm. Right now I'm thinking about our German next door neighbors. They lived beside us for, in my family house growing up, for, probably the first 15 years of my life and they kind of became these grandparents, these secondary grandparents. The point is we all have someone in our lives who has done this for us, or we actually wouldn't be here. And now just notice how it feels in your body to remember that person or those people. What happens is you recall them. Do you feel a warmth in your chest, a relaxation in your shoulders? Just notice. And of course, all of this is not separate from our bodies. There will be moments where we have the chance to lovingly self evaluate our relationships to being in our bodies and develop a felt sense of what they may need. In my case, I had to become a better communicator with my own body. I thought I was pretty connected to her. I was doing yoga, Pilates, walking, but being physically active. does not necessarily mean we are connected to our body as I learned. While I did these things, I had an awareness of my body in time and space, but what I had not been noticing was how I actually was while I was doing these things. I wasn't noticing my feelings, the sensations, or the feedback my body was giving me. Most of these things were just run through my mental filter, which were not registering my somatic experience. So why don't we just do a little practice to connect with our bodies. Just in this moment, I invite you to just take your hand and touch your body. Maybe that's your shoulder. Perhaps you can just give it a little squeeze and even look in that direction. Look down at your shoulder while you're squeezing it. Maybe you might even want to say, this is my shoulder. This is my body. I am here. Perhaps for a moment, you want to just put your hands out in front of you and just look at them. If you want to put them together to touch them and feel them, then maybe you could even just say to yourself, these are my hands. Maybe perhaps putting your hands on your forehead, on your temples, and just applying some gentle pressure, saying to yourself, this is my head. And now just notice what you notice. That was a really quick moment of just tuning into your body and noticing that you're here, noticing that you have a body and it's, it's with you right now. So as I was connecting all of these dots and healing from so many things, I had This mental filter, as I mentioned, which wasn't allowing me to fully register what I was experiencing in my body. And I had to begin taking radical responsibility for the life I now wanted to create. And that meant connecting more deeply than I ever had with this vessel. this body in the present moment, which included all of my feelings, the uncomfortableness, the sorrow, the pain, but also the joy, the happiness, and the pleasure. A return back to the body is and will always be worth it. Restoring trust in the body, coming alive to felt sensations and remembering the innate wisdom and divine nature of our bodies is life changing. It is the most important relationship we have. Our somatic experience is not separate from how we relate to others in all of our intimate relationships. All of these past experiences are held in our bodies to be connected to our bodies is to be connected with our truth, our intuition, our power, our agency, our life force, our sense of safety, and with care and attention while moving at the right pace. So many of our relationship wounds can soften and melt away. But you cannot rush transformation. It just doesn't work. Sometimes we need to stay in our healing cocoon a little longer. The timing and the pacing is so crucial in healing and we can't skip over integration. This is where we meet ourselves, process what has happened and reflect on what has emerged for us on the journey. It creates the space to witness and love up on who we're becoming. And in this time, we allow this new awareness, aliveness, and wisdom to settle in our bodies so that we don't miss the medicine of what is being offered to us. So friends, I'll end it all off with this Instagram post from Lisa Olivera, Olivera, I believe her last name is. who thinks it's easier to be alone. I will keep practicing the art of togetherness. I will continually shed narratives that no longer fit, and I will remind myself as many times as I need that it is safe to try on new ways of feeling, of thinking, of being. I will turn to nature for wisdom. I will turn to nature for guidance. I will turn to nature for a mirror of my own aliveness. And so it is. Until next time, bye for now. As always, thank you so much for listening. Life is busy, so it means even more to me that you are here. Listen, we've got so many great episodes coming up, so please make sure that you follow along on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you are listening. And if you appreciate these episodes, please do us a favor and leave a review and share the show with anyone you think this episode would benefit. See you again next week.