Ep. 31 How To Heal Procrastination & Self Sabotage - Solo Episode

In this episode ofLisa Dawn delves into the topics of procrastination and self-sabotage from a somatic perspective.

She explains how these behaviors can be linked to the body's freeze response caused by overwhelm and stress. Lisa offers insights from her personal experiences of burnout and disconnection from her body, emphasizing the importance of building a relationship with one's bodily sensations and needs.

The episode includes practical exercises for listeners to identify areas of tension and unmet needs in their own bodies. Lisa also details how honoring our body's signals can lead to greater capacity for joy, fulfillment, and effective action. Additionally, she shares information about her 'Reclaiming Resilience' course and offers a special discount for listeners.

Work with me :) Self paced courses and 1:1 

00:00 Welcome to Healed Now What?

01:21 Introduction to Procrastination and Self-Sabotage

05:11 The Somatic Lens on Procrastination

08:00 Understanding and Addressing Overwhelm

12:18 Practical Exercises for Procrastination

15:20 The Connection Between Desire and Capacity

22:19 Personal Stories and Insights

30:15 Final Thoughts and Quotes

32:39 Closing Remarks and Announcements

Transcript

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Lisa 0:01

Greetings, my friends, and welcome to another episode of Healed Now What? A podcast where we discuss life, relationships, connection, and trauma through the lens of somatic and attachment psychology, nervous system health, relationships, and self discovery. I'm Lisa Dawn, and I'm on a mission to teach people how to transform their deepest wounds into their greatest strengths by first transforming the relationship they have with themselves. So whether you've had trauma, years of failed partnerships, or just want a better relationship with your body, I've got you covered. I am a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Educator, Relationship Mentor, and Trauma Survivor. With a lifetime of experience helping not only myself, but countless others transform their lives by learning how to become the fullest versions of themselves. Learn more at www. somatic. com We do this through self awareness, connecting with their bodies and changing the way they perceive themselves and others. I have coached innumerous people how to heal their wounds and create lasting change so they can live a more joyous, passionate and fulfilling life. Thank you so much for tuning in and enjoy the show. Hey guys, welcome back to this week's episode. So I mentioned in the last episode that I would do an episode on procrastination. So today we'll be talking about procrastination and self sabotage from a somatic lens. But first, I'd love to share a quote with you. No matter how or why we get there, no matter how well it may have served us, forgetting the body also costs us something, individually and collectively. We lose the fundamental building blocks of human thriving, connection to ourselves and others, and the fullness of pleasure, wisdom, empathy, and justice. Connection to our bodily selves allows us to internalize a sense of safety and connection. That tells us who we are, what we long for, and how to be most fully alive. So welcome to today's show. I thought it would be nice to just also take a moment to settle. Perhaps you're in between things right now, transitioning from one thing to the next. So maybe even just taking this moment to fully arrive in your space, and you can do this by just noticing what is there, what's around you, what's there with you. And if something pleasing catches your eye, maybe just spend a moment enjoying that and notice where you feel that in your body. And further to that, Maybe even just taking a moment to notice where you are sitting and as you do that Maybe you notice the support of the chair Or the surface that you're sitting on. And maybe that brings your attention to your back and your spine or your legs and your feet. Maybe you take a moment to notice how your body might want to shift. And if so, allow your body to move you. into a position that perhaps feel more, feels more easeful or comfortable. And from that place, maybe just check in to see if there's anything else in this moment that you may need. Maybe a sip of water. Maybe you've been holding in a pee. It's just taking a moment to really check in, taking this moment to pause. Perhaps it's the first time today you've been able to just be so just noticing. All right, my people so procrastination and self sabotage Oh boy in my teenage years my 20s and my 30s I was a typical overachiever. I worked long hours skipped meals, smoked cigarettes, and drank coffee for breakfast. I always seem to have a million things on the go. And I want to just note that skipping meals activates our adrenals, and so does over caffeinating. When I was in post secondary, I drank three large triple triples in a day. And for those of you not in Canada, that is a reference to a popular coffee chain here called Tim Horton's Boy O Boy. I did not realize that all of these things were also putting my body into a threat response pretty much 24 7. Also on a side note, even if we don't have major trauma, we can put our bodies into a threat response by consuming the food and the drinks that we are. And we can definitely go deeper into that on another episode, but for those of you listening, if you have hormonal issues, um, anything going on around hypervigilance or anxiety, try to eat within an hour of waking. And think something savory, like a protein and a veg, before you have your caffeine and sugar, and it will do your body wonders. Okay, so back to my story. In those times, I was fueled by willpower and probably a lot of rage. So I was going to get the things I wanted at whatever price. costs. I don't think I actually gave much thought to my body other than it was mine to control. And when it didn't do what I wanted, I blamed and ridiculed it. Let's just say my connection with my body was more like an abusive relationship than a partnership. And during that time, I was riddled with self judgment when I couldn't push through Or when I couldn't accomplish something I had set out to do, I would berate and beat myself up over it. And it wasn't until I began to see my body as a being I had to form a relationship with that things could begin to change. Which leads into today's topic. So how does all of this tie into procrastination and self sabotage? Well, From a somatic lens, procrastination is a form of freeze response. And freeze, like other traumatic experiences, doesn't really rely on actual threat. So our bodies can go into these responses when they are overwhelmed or stressed to the nines. So after many years of just pushing through and ignoring the sensations and the signals that my body was giving me, I burnt out hard. The capacity I once had to push through things was just gone, like completely gone. And it didn't seem to matter what I did to try and get it back, I just did not have the energy for anything anymore. And that was a really hard time. My body was just out of space, could not take anything else in. So it didn't seem to matter whether that was good stuff or not so good stuff. My body was basically through being dragged around and not listened to. As they say in astrology, I was having a tower card moment. And for those of you who don't know the reference, it's this moment where everything is kind of just falling apart or moments of high, high stress. None of my old tools were working and my willpower was again, also failing me. That was a moment, or rather a series of moments, where, yeah, nothing was going well. I became an insomniac for just over a year. I felt overwhelming panic and anxiety on the daily. I lost a bunch of weight and not in like a looking good kind of way, but in a my body no longer is absorbing nutrients kind of way. And my life just felt like a total mess. I felt completely out of control. I Now, I knew I wasn't lazy, but my mind was telling me that I was. I knew I wasn't being irresponsible, but my mind was telling me that I just couldn't get my shit together. So, what was going on? Well, what I later found out what was missing was my connection to myself, to my capacity. And I'd also been missing the thousands of signals and alarms my body was sending me for so many years. It just never occurred to me to stop and say to my body, geez, you don't want to do this, do you? So there are sensations that come up around procrastination. We tend to judge our actions. And then we bypass the sensations that cause the action. The thing that we are avoiding creates an additional charge in our bodies. And if we already have a low capacity for arousal or activation or charge, because we are already carrying around so much, we are naturally and intelligently going to avoid anything that may bring on more of that. Of which we don't want, a. k. a. procrastination. And so how do we move through this? Again, I want to remind everyone that actual threat isn't required for our threat response to be turned on. It's our perception of threat, that's all it takes. An overwhelm is what happens when the body has too much information that it doesn't know how to process. And then adrenaline turns on our trauma responses. So procrastination is how the body deals with potential more overwhelm. Overwhelm feels threatening. So we want to begin to nurture the parts of us that freeze, blossoms from. So now we're going to do just like another little exercise. Think of a time where you were procrastinating. And again, this could be happening for you right now. Just spend a moment and bring it forward. Where in your body do you feel it? Where do you feel the overwhelm in response to the task that you are avoiding? So this is the place that needs support and nurturing. This is the part of you that needs a break. So just spend a moment listening to this place, and if you feel drawn to, put your hand over it. See if you can direct your breath into it, and just pause there. See if there's anything that arises from this pause. What does this place want? Does it need a fun break? Does it need to go outside? See if it tells you what it actually needs in this moment, and this could come via image or words or sensations. Just feel into it for a moment more. See what shifts, see what doesn't. See what we call procrastination is simply just the body needing a break. And in our overworked culture, taking a break may be the most radical thing that we can do. Just take a moment to feel into any judgments, thoughts that would get in between you and the break. I have to get this done. Oh my God, I don't have enough time. See if you can discover what your body needs. in this moment. We often think that if we are kind, if we love and connect to this part of us that doesn't want to do the thing, this part that wants a nap or to eat or whatever it is, then it will just take over and we'll never get anything done. If I let myself take a nap, I'll just be sleeping all the time where in fact the opposite is true. Our bodies are giving us signals showing us that something inside of us needs our attention. And if I'm procrastinating, it's likely because I either don't want to do the thing right now or I don't have the capacity to do it. And guess what? The exciting part of this is that we can tend to and build capacity by being with what our body needs, because capacity is always changing. So maybe we don't have the capacity right now for the thing we desire, but we can check in and see. We can ask this question, what do I have the capacity for? Is it listening to music? Is it answering emails, just not phone calls? This inner dialogue re orients us to reality. Not what I should be doing, not my desire, but my real time biological experience of how much space and energy and ability do I have in this moment to do the thing that I think I want or think I should do. There's a real humility to listening to capacity because we can start to learn that there is this other force that governs my body. And when I don't listen to that other force and push through, I burn out. I get sick, things get out of balance, and then I have to get still and rebuild, sometimes for months, sometimes for years. But when I listen to that place inside of me, when I listen to my body, I realize I'm not here to dominate this body, I'm here to relate to it, which we talked about in the last episode. I listen to what it needs and it feels cared for. There's no suffering in that. There's liberation in that. Now, I tend to look at self sabotage in the same way as procrastination. It's when my body is saying, I don't have the capacity for anything else right now. Again, it's this idea around desire and capacity. They're, they're two things, different things. Our desires may not match up with what our body has the capacity to do. And desire is limitless while capacity is finite. Capacity is in our bones, our blood, our stress responses. Capacity is our current 3D body reality. And we spend a lifetime trying to surpass it. It's limits. I know I did. So this practice is about truly honoring where we are right now in this moment. And by doing this, we tend to our own well being and open up choice for the next moment to be different. And I know this is hard to wrap our heads around because we're constantly rewarding each other for pushing through, accomplishing. We reward burnout and productivity. But this is all part of what is beginning to drop away as we become more aware of our physical bodies and the wisdom they carry. What would it look like to infuse our days with a bit of joy and pleasure, rest and rejuvenation? What if our bodies could tell us what they need? And then we listen and we have more capacity to meet up with our desires. This is what we're really talking about here. Being fully alive while also being gentle and compassionate towards ourselves. We're talking about responding to our current reality rather than stuffing it down. Now, of course, we are living in a world of expectations, things that need to get done and moments where we will absolutely need to push past our capacity and boundaries. And if we, excuse me, if we take the time to learn these skills and put them into practice, I promise you what is on the other side is a much, much, much more passionate and vibrant life relating to our physical bodies. For those of you wishing to dive into the world of somatic healing and get a taste of what it's like to discover the wisdom of your body, I'm offering a hundred dollars off my signature course, reclaiming resilience to the listeners of this episode. It is a self paced five week course that teaches you how to be with big emotions and sensations. It expands your capacity for more joy. More love and more pleasure while you also learn how to access your boundaries, intuition, and build safety within your body. Essentially, you'll be learning how to harness the power of your nervous system and welcome in more clarity, authentic communication, and fulfilling relationships. In the program, we are changing the way that we perceive ourselves, our patterns and our limiting beliefs, as well as finding our unique voice. Use the code ALLCAPSFEELGOOD at checkout. And for those of you who are seeking one on one support, I also offer coaching and therapy packages and one on one sessions. I'll pop all of that information in the show notes. And now let's get back to the show. So many of our problems do not come from being lazy or weak. They come from not being united or embodied within ourselves. They come from not fully knowing ourselves. We're all being called out on a global level to learn how to do this so that we can not only liberate ourselves, but liberate those around us. When we are gentle and compassionate with ourselves, we learn how to extend that to others. This does not mean we become pushovers. It's the opposite. In fact, we learn how to stand firm within our own presence. We learn how to honor and respect ourselves. We get in touch with our current capacity because there is actually no other reality than the one we have right now. And now and now when we don't know our capacity or how to attend to it, we take on activities, relationships, and even move forward with goals that aren't actually in alignment with our true authentic expression, we want things that our body is unable to tolerate. And yet it will try to tolerate it for as long as it can until it burns out or becomes sick. This body is being of service to us. How beautiful. So this is how we learn to honor it. I have a personal example. So I'd like to write these podcast episodes on Tuesdays, so the day before I release them. It was about 4 p. m. yesterday and I had a full day of clients and other things going on. So, when it was time to sit and write, I just sat at my computer staring blankly at the screen and there was just like nothing that wanted to come out. So, I began distracting myself. I started to listen to some astrology stuff, scrolling on my phone, and doing my best just to like guide myself away from the task at hand. Then it occurred to me. Ah, I actually just don't want to do this right now. And then I took a moment and did the practice that I guided you through earlier and discovered that my eyes needed a break away from the screen. I literally in my mind heard no more screens right now. And then I saw in my mind's eye a potential encounter with a friend or two for some connection. And even though my mind was telling me that I wouldn't get it done in time and I needed to do it right now, I decided to listen and take a break. I got outside, I walked Merlin, my dog, and then I laid in the grass and I ended up running into a few of my friends that I really love and enjoy spending time with. And I could feel life being drawn back into my body. I then actually took the rest of the night off and filled it with tending to my plants, eating good food, laughing and having some fun. Today my body is filled to the brim with inspiration and joy and it is with renewed and increased capacity that I am even able to write this right now and speak this to you. Now some of you are probably thinking, well, who the fuck has time to check in and order what my body wants? Well, I do. So you get to choose your own adventure. You get to choose how deeply you are able to go into this based on your responsibilities, your lifestyle, and your circumstances. This could be a one minute check in multiple times a day, or it could be like a check in once every few days, you get to start with what feels manageable to you. And then as you feel better and start eliminating the things you don't need or want from your day, it opens up. So much extra time to get to know more about the things that you really do want to be spending your time doing. I know for many years, as I spoke to earlier, I overcomplicated this. I pushed and I worked so hard and beat myself up only to end up burning out. Bitter and full of anxiety and regret. And we all have moments like this. Moments of pushing too hard, moments of avoiding things, procrastinating things. This work of somatically checking in actually takes the guilt and shame out of all of it. I can cut myself some slack, listen to my body and see if there's anything I can do to support her right now. Ah, my body just didn't want to do it. All right. Even as I say that, I can feel a lightness bubbling up, relaxation in my shoulders. And along with a message from my body just saying thank you. If you make a practice out of this, it will change your life. There's no moment in time where we will have it all figured out. But what we can do along the way is make it more enjoyable. We can choose a thing that we want to focus on or a goal we want to set and check in to see if it's available to us right now. We can learn to listen to our irritability, our passive aggressive behaviors or the way we want to snap at others. We can come to understand that this is our body's way of expressing feeling overwhelmed and constrained. And this relates to so many areas of our lives. including having the capacity to manage money, experience happiness or joy. It relates to our addictions. The things that bring us pleasure can also feel uncomfortable since we don't know how to be with the additional charge that is held in the body. We can push away love because it's too much for us to take in. So self sabotage is just a word for something my body or I do in response to overwhelm, in response to giving myself a break. And in the world of production, capitalism, and logic, we call this self sabotage. But in the world of somatics, my body, is trying to save me from the thing I didn't have the capacity to do. And I want to give another personal example of this. For a while I thought I really wanted to do group somatic containers and I was working with a mentor who just kind of had this energy of go big or go home. Anyway, every time I would go to work on the outline or try to get in the flow of what I wanted to create, I would literally fall asleep or get a headache. Now it wasn't that I wasn't capable of doing these things, it was that during that time I just didn't have the capacity for a big group container. I didn't have the physical room to take on the lifestyle, so I subconsciously or consciously chose something that would interrupt that. It gave me a pause or a break so that some additional space was created. And when I began to really listen to the messages my body was giving me, I could get really nuanced as to what I actually felt was possible. So maybe it wasn't a container of 20 people. Maybe it was only seven. Maybe it wasn't weekly live calls, but bi weekly ones. Maybe it wasn't a no. Maybe it was just a not now. We can do this practice to see what our bodies are actually available for. But instead of going inside and tending to these sensations, we often choose to judge ourselves. What's wrong with me? I'm weak because I just want to sleep, or I'm lazy because I just cannot work on this task right now. And that is just not it. But I also had to learn this the hard way. I also want to say that there's nothing wrong with desire, wants, setting goals, expectations, and then fantasizing and dreaming about the future. Keep doing that. But remember to include your body. We can check in to see if our bodies also want what we want. Our minds are not part of this physical realm. our mysterious minds. They're not constrained by nature's laws, but our bodies are. Our physical body gets hungry and thirsty and tired. We're sharing space with our minds, but our bodies and our minds speak different languages. This is about being with the parts of us that seemingly sabotage what other parts of us want. It's more about learning how to be with the parts of ourselves that we didn't know how to be with before and so We can start just really giving ourselves some Compassion we can start tuning into our bodies to seal to see real time what they actually need I wanted to end with a few quotes and we'll see which ones come out because there's just there's so many But I'll start with this one. Somatic mindfulness is informed by one very simple observation. The mind is distracted, but the body is not. The body is not thinking or ruminating. It is just feeling and being present, aware, and vibrant. In other words, the mind. The body is already mindful and that quote is by Willa Blythe. Now let's see if there, which one, other one do I want to share with you today? Hmm. Think about someone who scares you. How likely would you be to walk up to that person and say, I find you terrifying? Let's explore that. Probably not very likely. Similarly, if our only way of interacting with our body is through a fear based paradigm, we are unlikely to even try and understand our bodily selves. Yet, our de evaluation of our bodies leads to psychosomatic disorders and prevents us from honoring the bodily cues we have learned to ignore, messages telling us that something is not right, that we need medical attention, or that it's time to rest or receive care. If we cannot listen to these messages, we cannot begin to live lives of peace, presence, and pleasure. That quote is by Hilary McBride. And so my friends, that's all for this week. I hope you enjoyed this somatic exploration of procrastination and self sabotage. See you again next week. Bye for now. As always, thank you so much for listening. Life is busy. So it means even more that you're carving out time in your day to be here. Listen, we've got so many great episodes coming up, so please make sure you subscribe to follow along on Apple podcasts or Spotify. And for those of you who like to watch your podcasts, we are now uploading them to YouTube. And if you appreciate these episodes, please do us a favor and leave a rating or a review and share it with anyone you think could benefit. See you again next Wednesday.